go gore!
i don't know if anyone else saw it, but al gore made a couple of appearances on saturday night live this past saturday, and i very much enjoyed it.
he started out doing the opening monologue, which was a "parallel earth" state of the union address (to conincide with the real one on monday), presuming he'd won the 2000 election instead of dubya. unfortunately i can't seem to find any video clips (youtube, you've failed me), so instead i typed out al's monologue for posterity:
"my fellow americans, in 2000, when you overwhelmingly made the decision to elect me as your 43rd president, i knew the road ahead would be difficult. we have accomplished so much, yet challenges lie ahead.
"in the last six years we have been able to stop global warming. no one could have predicted the negative results of this; glaciers that once were melting are now on the attack. as you know, these renegade glaciers have already captured parts of upper michigan and northern maine, but, i assure you, we will not let the glaciers win.
"right now, in the second week of may, 2006, we are facing perhaps the worst gas crisis in history: we have way too much gasoline. gas is down to 19 cents a gallon, and the oil companies are hurting. i know that i am partly to blame by insisting that cars run on trash. i am therefore proposing a federal bail-out to our oil companies because, hey, if it were the other way around, you know the oil companies would help us.
"on a positive note, we worked hard to save welfare, fix social security and, of course, provide the free universal health care we all enjoy today. but all this came at a high cost. as i speak, the gigantic national budget surplus is down to a perilously low 11 trillion dollars. and don't get any ideas, that money is staying in the very successful lock box. we're not touching it! of course, we could give economic aid to china or lend money to the saudis... again. but right now, we are already so loved by everyone in the world that american tourists can't even go over to europe anymore without getting hugged! there are some of you who would like to spend our money on some made-up war. to you, i say: what part of "lock box" don't you understand? what if there's a hurricane or a tornado? unlikely, i know, because of the anti-hurricane and tornado machine i was instrumental in helping develop. but, what if? what if the scientists are right and one of those giant glaciers hits boston? that's why we have the lock box.
"as for immigration, solving that came at a heavy cost, and i personally regret the loss of california. however, the new mexi-fornian economy is strong and el presidente schwarzenegger is doing a great job.
"there have been some setbacks. unfortunately, the confirmation process for supreme court justice michael moore was bitter and divisive. however, i could not be more proud of how the house and senate pulled together to confirm the nomination of chief justice george clooney.
"baseball, our national pasttime, still lies under the shadow of steroid accusations. but i have faith in baseball commissioner george w. bush when he says 'we will find the steroid users if he have to tap every phone in america.'
"in 2001, when i came into office, our national security was the most important issue; the threat of terrorism was real. who knew that six years later afghanistan would be the most popular spring break destination? or that six flags tehran is the fastest-growing amusement park in the middle east? and the scariest thing we americans have to fear is live from new york, it's saturday night."
it was fucking great. even though much of it was tongue-in-cheek, and it's obviously easy to criticize decisions that gore himself didn't have to make, it at least encapsulates just how different his stances were (and are) on many of the issues that have become so important since 2000. i firmly believe that gore would have steered american in a much more positive, peaceful direction than bush has. it's obvious where his priorities are.
i found that monologue to be a great "look what you did" to the republican voters that elected bush in the first place. that, and i found it hilariously funny... gore actually had a competent comic delivery!
later on in the episode, he was on weekend update debating global warming. one of the pieces of "evidence" he put forth was an EPA report on global warming, edited by the current administration... the entire report was blacked out except for the words "everything is great. drive big car a lot." that got a chuckle out of me, but for the most part, the monologue was the best.
also on gore-watch: An Inconvenient Truth, a documentary on gore's campaign to make the issue of global warming an internationally recognized issue. coming soon to a theatre near you!
he started out doing the opening monologue, which was a "parallel earth" state of the union address (to conincide with the real one on monday), presuming he'd won the 2000 election instead of dubya. unfortunately i can't seem to find any video clips (youtube, you've failed me), so instead i typed out al's monologue for posterity:
"my fellow americans, in 2000, when you overwhelmingly made the decision to elect me as your 43rd president, i knew the road ahead would be difficult. we have accomplished so much, yet challenges lie ahead.
"in the last six years we have been able to stop global warming. no one could have predicted the negative results of this; glaciers that once were melting are now on the attack. as you know, these renegade glaciers have already captured parts of upper michigan and northern maine, but, i assure you, we will not let the glaciers win.
"right now, in the second week of may, 2006, we are facing perhaps the worst gas crisis in history: we have way too much gasoline. gas is down to 19 cents a gallon, and the oil companies are hurting. i know that i am partly to blame by insisting that cars run on trash. i am therefore proposing a federal bail-out to our oil companies because, hey, if it were the other way around, you know the oil companies would help us.
"on a positive note, we worked hard to save welfare, fix social security and, of course, provide the free universal health care we all enjoy today. but all this came at a high cost. as i speak, the gigantic national budget surplus is down to a perilously low 11 trillion dollars. and don't get any ideas, that money is staying in the very successful lock box. we're not touching it! of course, we could give economic aid to china or lend money to the saudis... again. but right now, we are already so loved by everyone in the world that american tourists can't even go over to europe anymore without getting hugged! there are some of you who would like to spend our money on some made-up war. to you, i say: what part of "lock box" don't you understand? what if there's a hurricane or a tornado? unlikely, i know, because of the anti-hurricane and tornado machine i was instrumental in helping develop. but, what if? what if the scientists are right and one of those giant glaciers hits boston? that's why we have the lock box.
"as for immigration, solving that came at a heavy cost, and i personally regret the loss of california. however, the new mexi-fornian economy is strong and el presidente schwarzenegger is doing a great job.
"there have been some setbacks. unfortunately, the confirmation process for supreme court justice michael moore was bitter and divisive. however, i could not be more proud of how the house and senate pulled together to confirm the nomination of chief justice george clooney.
"baseball, our national pasttime, still lies under the shadow of steroid accusations. but i have faith in baseball commissioner george w. bush when he says 'we will find the steroid users if he have to tap every phone in america.'
"in 2001, when i came into office, our national security was the most important issue; the threat of terrorism was real. who knew that six years later afghanistan would be the most popular spring break destination? or that six flags tehran is the fastest-growing amusement park in the middle east? and the scariest thing we americans have to fear is live from new york, it's saturday night."
it was fucking great. even though much of it was tongue-in-cheek, and it's obviously easy to criticize decisions that gore himself didn't have to make, it at least encapsulates just how different his stances were (and are) on many of the issues that have become so important since 2000. i firmly believe that gore would have steered american in a much more positive, peaceful direction than bush has. it's obvious where his priorities are.
i found that monologue to be a great "look what you did" to the republican voters that elected bush in the first place. that, and i found it hilariously funny... gore actually had a competent comic delivery!
later on in the episode, he was on weekend update debating global warming. one of the pieces of "evidence" he put forth was an EPA report on global warming, edited by the current administration... the entire report was blacked out except for the words "everything is great. drive big car a lot." that got a chuckle out of me, but for the most part, the monologue was the best.
also on gore-watch: An Inconvenient Truth, a documentary on gore's campaign to make the issue of global warming an internationally recognized issue. coming soon to a theatre near you!