(no subject)
very interesting weekend... it was so nice to get a hug again... i miss it so much...
spent a lot of time thinking of my pop pop... it's almost three years he's been gone, it should've stopped hurting so much by now... this month always makes me long for the past, it always makes me want to be six again, running around in the park and eating water ice with my pop pop, or sitting on the step eating ice cream and just watching the cars... god, i wish he were still here... i've noticed that i seemed to draw almost all of my confidence from him... the way he'd look at me with that proud eye, even though ray was always the one everyone talked about, i still got his eye and he used to brag about me the most... and ever since he died i've had nothing to show... i mean i'm seriously not doing a goddamn thing with my life and i've started fucking smoking?! what in the fuck is wrong with me? goddamn.
i've really gotta stop this bullshit, i've gotta stop hurting and i've gotta just i dunno... i know what i've got to do, but i won't do anything i know i need to do, because i'm too goddamn lazy to change the way i am. i don't know why he ever friggin bragged about me...
spent a lot of time thinking of my pop pop... it's almost three years he's been gone, it should've stopped hurting so much by now... this month always makes me long for the past, it always makes me want to be six again, running around in the park and eating water ice with my pop pop, or sitting on the step eating ice cream and just watching the cars... god, i wish he were still here... i've noticed that i seemed to draw almost all of my confidence from him... the way he'd look at me with that proud eye, even though ray was always the one everyone talked about, i still got his eye and he used to brag about me the most... and ever since he died i've had nothing to show... i mean i'm seriously not doing a goddamn thing with my life and i've started fucking smoking?! what in the fuck is wrong with me? goddamn.
i've really gotta stop this bullshit, i've gotta stop hurting and i've gotta just i dunno... i know what i've got to do, but i won't do anything i know i need to do, because i'm too goddamn lazy to change the way i am. i don't know why he ever friggin bragged about me...