Getting better for Dad, worse for me...
Dad was awake when we got to the hospital yesterday morning. I was a little relieved. It still hurt to see him so vulnerable, helpless.
Séan brought Mum out for lunch, she needed a good meal, she is has exhausted as we are but much older. I stayed with Dad, sitting next to him, talking. I told him about the Jam session and how I loved it. I eventualy fell asleep, my head on the bed, next to him. his big hand was stroking my hair gently, it felt good, reassuring, safe and it made me relax to a point that I fell asleep.
I don't know how long I slept. I was awaken by a sob in the room and I turned my head to see Séan in the door way. I never saw Séan cry and I was taken by surprise. Yes I saw him speechless and nearly to tears but never sob. I met him in the hallway and wrapped my arms around him. He hold me thight and cried for a little while, big sobs. Of course, I sobbed with him. It breaks my heart to see him like this.
The only explanation he had is that when he saw Dad and I sleeping like that, so peacefull, he found the scene so beautifull and and sad at the same time.
Later in the afternoon Larry joined us again, bringing flowers for me dad. He is so sweet, he is almost too perfect. I introduced him to Dad. It was quite amusing to see Larry's small hand in Dad's massive one.
The doctor came to talk to us. Mum, Séan, Kevin, John and I had a few questions. After answering everyone's question and saying that Dad was stable and on the good road to recovery I asked if there was something wrong with his lungs. The Doc looked at me like I was a 7 years old who ask a silly question like: where do the sun go at night? He said that no, he had no lung problems.
Me: Does Dad have problem breathing?
Doc: No
Me: Why is he on respirator?
Doc: Just in case...
I was getting very annoyed with him. He never really answered my question and looking at me like he is superior and that I am only a kid. Now usualy I do not speak up, especially in front of strangers but I guess the emotions and frustrations of the last few days were buidling up and ready to burst.
Me: In case of what?
Doc: Just in case...
Me: Do you even know in case of what?
Still no answer. Séan made me sign to shut up but I was not listening, I was seing red and becoming enraged.
Me: Where did you do your medical degree? Did you have to wear a red nose and a colorful wig?
That's when Séan interrupted me by asking Larry to take me outside so I can take some fresh air. Séan knows when I am exploding what it looks like, we are both passionate and many time we had quite a fight where I give him a piece of my mind...
Larry dropped me at home before going for his gig. He felt really bad not to be able to stay with me but the guy has to work!
Séan showed up later with some food, good Mary Brown's chicken. next to leo's fish and chip, that is the best comfort food! He announced that he wanted to talk to me.... He looked so uncomfortable that I knew this would be bad....
And it was...
He gave me the parental talk about me seing Larry...
Oh crap... embarrasing you say?
Oh yeah...
But it turned out very badly.
I can't remember where it got bad but I finally yelled at him that I am not a kid anymore, he should let me grow up, stop trying to control me, that I am not a virgin anymore (his face color went to red at that point), that my life is my businness, I will do whatever I want to do, that if I want to fuck anyone that is not my boyfriend I will, that if I want to fuck around I will, if I want to fuck a woman I will and that if I want to fuck my fiddle teacher I will. His face went white....
I took my jacket and went out for a walk. A long walk. I left the house around 11:30 pm and walked downtown. I ended up showing at the Pub where Larry was playing. He took me to his place during a break, after I explained what happened and since I didn't feel like being around people or going back home I would go walk some more. He took me to his place instead. Where I spent the night...
Séan left messages on my cell all night. But stopped, the last one was left around 2:30 am... Larry admited that he called him...
I am back home now, Séan's plane left 30 minutes ago...
It's the first time I do see him before he leaves...
I regret telling him to go fuck himself...