[Avatar: the Last Airbender]: Second Hand Faith
I was the perfect prince, he told her, but I wasn’t me.
How did she never see it coming?
Probably, Mai decides, the same reason that Azula never saw this coming; because she didn’t want to. Because she thought she could be enough, because she thought after everything maybe it was finally time for Zuko to just be happy. Apparently that’s too much to ask.
The prison is boring, which isn’t surprising, and quiet, which is. Or at least, they leave her alone. She’d be lonely, if she weren’t who she is. Mai is never lonely; just bored.
Ty Lee makes friends. Ty Lee could make friends anywhere - nothing like Mai, Mai never made friends - and perhaps it shouldn’t be surprising. They leave Mai alone too, after Ty Lee tries a few times to try to draw her out; she’s grateful for that.
They took her knives, so she practices with pebbles instead, always hitting just what she aims at, and isn’t sure if she’s picturing Zuko or Azula as she does it.
**
“Mai,” says Zuko abruptly, on the way back, looking up at the stars and not at Sokka.
“What?”
“Mai,” he says, again. “I forgot. She saved my - all of our lives, and I just…forgot. Left her there.”
“And?”
Zuko doesn’t turn around, but the anger is easy to hear in his voice. “And? Azula was there. Azula saw what she did. Azula doesn’t forget that kind of thing. She could be dead. She probably is.”
“Hey,” Sokka starts to say, and almost adds, she made her choice, but he knows how much that wouldn’t help. Yue made her choice too. “It’s-“
He makes a strangled sound. “And I just forgot about her.”
Sokka just feels awkward and stupid, both things he’s used to, sort of, but that doesn’t make it any better now. “Sorry,” he manages, finally, and Zuko doesn’t answer. Sokka doesn’t really blame him for that.
**
She’s lost track of the days. It could have been ten or fifty or one-hundred. There’s nothing to mark them with, like the stories always say - on a wall or a bedpost or anything.
Mai has a dream one night that someone comes to her cell dressed all in black, and she jerks to her feet prepared to fight in case Azula’s decided to kill her, but he pulls off the mask and there he is, Zuko, here to rescue her.
She feels so stupid when she wakes up that she yells at Ty Lee just because she can and leaves her breakfast untouched, though she regrets it later when she gets hungry and just sits in the corner of the courtyard, watching Ty Lee teach the Kyoshi Warriors how to cartwheel.
How she does it, Mai will never know.
She wonders where Zuko is now. If he’s even still alive. Azula’s better than he is, at just about everything, and next time she won’t be there to keep them from cutting the line. So who will? Maybe the Water Tribe boy Ty Lee’s so keen on? She still doesn’t understand that, either. Doesn’t understand much of anything, not even what Zuko thinks he’s doing.
Just that he is infinitely likely to get himself killed doing it, and here there’s nothing she can do to stop him.
She’s still angry at him for breaking up with her. She has a list of questions to ask when (if) she sees him again. Why didn’t you ask me to come with you? How dense are you? What if I hadn’t been there and you died?
Do you-
No, never.
She can’t mark the days, so she counts the stones in the walls surrounding the courtyard, and pretends that’s good enough.
**
On the day of Mai’s birthday (and he knows it’s Mai’s birthday because he forgot, once) Zuko snaps at everyone for everything, until even Toph throws a rock at his head and tells him to leave and come back when he’s not feeling stupid.
He takes the request as a reprieve and stalks off to brood alone.
He spends all day trying to come up with alternate scenarios. Maybe Ty Lee was kind. Maybe Azula was merciful. Somehow, Mai needs to still be alive. Leaving her was supposed to protect her. Why did she have to come and-
Azula was alone, when she came to the Western Air Temple. Maybe that means that Ty Lee and Mai escaped together (no, Azula’s too good for that). Or that Azula spared Mai’s life and Ty Lee was staying with her. Or…anything. He knows he’s grasping at straws - this is Azula - but he wants to hope that maybe there’s enough real friendship in her not to kill.
(Zuko doesn’t make a very good optimist, and he knows it.)
He misses her. And without his uncle or Mai he’s not sure what he’s going to do when the rest of these people inevitably move on.
Zuko folds up his knees to his chest and closes his eyes like shutters, trying not to think too hard.
Eventually, it’s Aang who comes and sits down next to him, and doesn’t ask questions, at least not for a while.
**
She’s counted five-hundred-twenty-three stones, Ty Lee has taught the Kyoshi Warriors both cartwheels and hand-walking, and Zuko still hasn’t arrived to rescue her. Mai knew that, though; if anyone needs rescuing, it’s clearly her boyfriend.
And that means she’s just going to have to rescue herself, and overcome the small problem that she hasn’t figured out how, yet.
“The Kyoshi Warriors say Suki’s going to come get them,” Ty Lee says, sitting down next to her, and beaming. “And that they’ll ask her if I can come with them. Suki - that’s their leader.”
“That’s great,” Mai drawls. “Good for you, Ty.”
Her friend hesitates, and then continues, “I'm not leaving without you.”
“Ty Lee,” Mai says, turning to look at her friend, who really shouldn’t be here, because she’s Ty Lee and prisons are too grey for someone quite that pink. “No one’s coming. Everyone says stuff like that because they want it to be true, but no one’s coming. For them or anyone.”
Ty Lee’s face falls, but then she leans forward and says, “I bet Zuko will come.”
Mai crosses her arms and closes off her face in a way that she’s very good at from years of practice. “No,” she says, simply, and doesn’t offer more of an answer than that, but Ty Lee apparently sees something she doesn’t like, because she hugs Mai. “He’ll come,” Ty Lee promises, with all the faith in the world. “I know it. And it’ll be so romantic.”
You would have let him die, Mai feels like reminding Ty Lee, but only for a moment. “If wishes were fishes,” she says instead, and drops her chin down, and eventually Ty Lee goes back to her friends, and Mai thinks maybe her aura says that there’s nothing wishful thinking can do.
She dreams about him coming again, that night, this time on the Avatar’s flying bison, alone and dressed in the Fire Lord’s robes, and he sweeps her up in his arms and says just three words: I came back.
In the dream, she punches him in the face and yells took you long enough! But then Zuko is riding a dragon instead of a bison and his skin is the white of a ghost, and she knows he’s already dead.
Stupid Prince Zuko, she curses him, staring at the walls of her cell. Stupid, stupid me.
**
Aang is facing his father, somewhere. Zuko is about to face Azula, and there’s no way he can (not) lose. Katara is behind his shoulder, and just for a moment, he has a feeling that it’s supposed to be someone else there.
Her hand brushes his shoulder and he can hear the near sickness of worry in her voice. “Be careful,” she says. “Please be careful.”
Mai might be dead, though.
He stands and turns, embraces her. The power of the comet thrums in his veins like a second heartbeat. He could be drunk with this feeling. Perhaps he is. Maybe that’s why he feels suddenly able to do anything, just now.
Katara steps back, and he steps forward, glancing to his left, where he imagines that she should be just now. But of course, nothing ever works out like it should.
“I'm sorry it had to end this way, brother,” Azula says, in her sweet poison voice.
“No,” he says, turning his head forward and straightening. “You’re not.”
They begin.
**
Mai isn’t a firebender. She still knows when the comet arrives, can feel it, and closes her eyes to breathe. Something is wrong. Who knows what it is, but there is something in the air like the smell of the sea she’s always hated or the taste of ashes drifting from some distant fire.
She wonders where Zuko is today, if he is still alive, or if he’s burned his brightest and flickered out without her to save his life again.
Ty Lee is silent too. She can feel it, and Mai thinks she is afraid, and would like to comfort her but hardly knows how, particularly when the wall is just thick enough to muffle and muddle any words she might try.
The door of her cell clangs open, and she looks up, for a moment almost expecting-
Mai stiffens as she recognizes the blue eyes and darkened skin of the Water Tribe. “Are you Mai?” the man asks. There’s something familiar about his face, but she can’t pin it down, and for a moment she’s just confused. How would he know her name?
“Yes,” she says, finally, standing and brushing off her prison robes, because there’s no point in lying. “Why? Who’s asking?”
The man smiles, just a little. “Hakoda of the Water Tribe.” He bows his head, a gesture of the slightest respect. “Prince Zuko’s going to be happy to hear you’re alive.”
As she steps out into the light, the sun bright on her face but the comet brighter, Mai feels her heart leap in her chest, and just breathes deep.
How did she never see it coming?
Probably, Mai decides, the same reason that Azula never saw this coming; because she didn’t want to. Because she thought she could be enough, because she thought after everything maybe it was finally time for Zuko to just be happy. Apparently that’s too much to ask.
The prison is boring, which isn’t surprising, and quiet, which is. Or at least, they leave her alone. She’d be lonely, if she weren’t who she is. Mai is never lonely; just bored.
Ty Lee makes friends. Ty Lee could make friends anywhere - nothing like Mai, Mai never made friends - and perhaps it shouldn’t be surprising. They leave Mai alone too, after Ty Lee tries a few times to try to draw her out; she’s grateful for that.
They took her knives, so she practices with pebbles instead, always hitting just what she aims at, and isn’t sure if she’s picturing Zuko or Azula as she does it.
**
“Mai,” says Zuko abruptly, on the way back, looking up at the stars and not at Sokka.
“What?”
“Mai,” he says, again. “I forgot. She saved my - all of our lives, and I just…forgot. Left her there.”
“And?”
Zuko doesn’t turn around, but the anger is easy to hear in his voice. “And? Azula was there. Azula saw what she did. Azula doesn’t forget that kind of thing. She could be dead. She probably is.”
“Hey,” Sokka starts to say, and almost adds, she made her choice, but he knows how much that wouldn’t help. Yue made her choice too. “It’s-“
He makes a strangled sound. “And I just forgot about her.”
Sokka just feels awkward and stupid, both things he’s used to, sort of, but that doesn’t make it any better now. “Sorry,” he manages, finally, and Zuko doesn’t answer. Sokka doesn’t really blame him for that.
**
She’s lost track of the days. It could have been ten or fifty or one-hundred. There’s nothing to mark them with, like the stories always say - on a wall or a bedpost or anything.
Mai has a dream one night that someone comes to her cell dressed all in black, and she jerks to her feet prepared to fight in case Azula’s decided to kill her, but he pulls off the mask and there he is, Zuko, here to rescue her.
She feels so stupid when she wakes up that she yells at Ty Lee just because she can and leaves her breakfast untouched, though she regrets it later when she gets hungry and just sits in the corner of the courtyard, watching Ty Lee teach the Kyoshi Warriors how to cartwheel.
How she does it, Mai will never know.
She wonders where Zuko is now. If he’s even still alive. Azula’s better than he is, at just about everything, and next time she won’t be there to keep them from cutting the line. So who will? Maybe the Water Tribe boy Ty Lee’s so keen on? She still doesn’t understand that, either. Doesn’t understand much of anything, not even what Zuko thinks he’s doing.
Just that he is infinitely likely to get himself killed doing it, and here there’s nothing she can do to stop him.
She’s still angry at him for breaking up with her. She has a list of questions to ask when (if) she sees him again. Why didn’t you ask me to come with you? How dense are you? What if I hadn’t been there and you died?
Do you-
No, never.
She can’t mark the days, so she counts the stones in the walls surrounding the courtyard, and pretends that’s good enough.
**
On the day of Mai’s birthday (and he knows it’s Mai’s birthday because he forgot, once) Zuko snaps at everyone for everything, until even Toph throws a rock at his head and tells him to leave and come back when he’s not feeling stupid.
He takes the request as a reprieve and stalks off to brood alone.
He spends all day trying to come up with alternate scenarios. Maybe Ty Lee was kind. Maybe Azula was merciful. Somehow, Mai needs to still be alive. Leaving her was supposed to protect her. Why did she have to come and-
Azula was alone, when she came to the Western Air Temple. Maybe that means that Ty Lee and Mai escaped together (no, Azula’s too good for that). Or that Azula spared Mai’s life and Ty Lee was staying with her. Or…anything. He knows he’s grasping at straws - this is Azula - but he wants to hope that maybe there’s enough real friendship in her not to kill.
(Zuko doesn’t make a very good optimist, and he knows it.)
He misses her. And without his uncle or Mai he’s not sure what he’s going to do when the rest of these people inevitably move on.
Zuko folds up his knees to his chest and closes his eyes like shutters, trying not to think too hard.
Eventually, it’s Aang who comes and sits down next to him, and doesn’t ask questions, at least not for a while.
**
She’s counted five-hundred-twenty-three stones, Ty Lee has taught the Kyoshi Warriors both cartwheels and hand-walking, and Zuko still hasn’t arrived to rescue her. Mai knew that, though; if anyone needs rescuing, it’s clearly her boyfriend.
And that means she’s just going to have to rescue herself, and overcome the small problem that she hasn’t figured out how, yet.
“The Kyoshi Warriors say Suki’s going to come get them,” Ty Lee says, sitting down next to her, and beaming. “And that they’ll ask her if I can come with them. Suki - that’s their leader.”
“That’s great,” Mai drawls. “Good for you, Ty.”
Her friend hesitates, and then continues, “I'm not leaving without you.”
“Ty Lee,” Mai says, turning to look at her friend, who really shouldn’t be here, because she’s Ty Lee and prisons are too grey for someone quite that pink. “No one’s coming. Everyone says stuff like that because they want it to be true, but no one’s coming. For them or anyone.”
Ty Lee’s face falls, but then she leans forward and says, “I bet Zuko will come.”
Mai crosses her arms and closes off her face in a way that she’s very good at from years of practice. “No,” she says, simply, and doesn’t offer more of an answer than that, but Ty Lee apparently sees something she doesn’t like, because she hugs Mai. “He’ll come,” Ty Lee promises, with all the faith in the world. “I know it. And it’ll be so romantic.”
You would have let him die, Mai feels like reminding Ty Lee, but only for a moment. “If wishes were fishes,” she says instead, and drops her chin down, and eventually Ty Lee goes back to her friends, and Mai thinks maybe her aura says that there’s nothing wishful thinking can do.
She dreams about him coming again, that night, this time on the Avatar’s flying bison, alone and dressed in the Fire Lord’s robes, and he sweeps her up in his arms and says just three words: I came back.
In the dream, she punches him in the face and yells took you long enough! But then Zuko is riding a dragon instead of a bison and his skin is the white of a ghost, and she knows he’s already dead.
Stupid Prince Zuko, she curses him, staring at the walls of her cell. Stupid, stupid me.
**
Aang is facing his father, somewhere. Zuko is about to face Azula, and there’s no way he can (not) lose. Katara is behind his shoulder, and just for a moment, he has a feeling that it’s supposed to be someone else there.
Her hand brushes his shoulder and he can hear the near sickness of worry in her voice. “Be careful,” she says. “Please be careful.”
Mai might be dead, though.
He stands and turns, embraces her. The power of the comet thrums in his veins like a second heartbeat. He could be drunk with this feeling. Perhaps he is. Maybe that’s why he feels suddenly able to do anything, just now.
Katara steps back, and he steps forward, glancing to his left, where he imagines that she should be just now. But of course, nothing ever works out like it should.
“I'm sorry it had to end this way, brother,” Azula says, in her sweet poison voice.
“No,” he says, turning his head forward and straightening. “You’re not.”
They begin.
**
Mai isn’t a firebender. She still knows when the comet arrives, can feel it, and closes her eyes to breathe. Something is wrong. Who knows what it is, but there is something in the air like the smell of the sea she’s always hated or the taste of ashes drifting from some distant fire.
She wonders where Zuko is today, if he is still alive, or if he’s burned his brightest and flickered out without her to save his life again.
Ty Lee is silent too. She can feel it, and Mai thinks she is afraid, and would like to comfort her but hardly knows how, particularly when the wall is just thick enough to muffle and muddle any words she might try.
The door of her cell clangs open, and she looks up, for a moment almost expecting-
Mai stiffens as she recognizes the blue eyes and darkened skin of the Water Tribe. “Are you Mai?” the man asks. There’s something familiar about his face, but she can’t pin it down, and for a moment she’s just confused. How would he know her name?
“Yes,” she says, finally, standing and brushing off her prison robes, because there’s no point in lying. “Why? Who’s asking?”
The man smiles, just a little. “Hakoda of the Water Tribe.” He bows his head, a gesture of the slightest respect. “Prince Zuko’s going to be happy to hear you’re alive.”
As she steps out into the light, the sun bright on her face but the comet brighter, Mai feels her heart leap in her chest, and just breathes deep.