Little Earthquakes (Chapter 26)
Title: Little Earthquakes (26/26)
Pairing: Callie/Arizona
Rating: NC-17
Summary: When Arizona is attacked in the parking lot of Seattle Grace, everything changes...and her relationship with Callie is put to the test.
Content Warning
This story deals with the topic of rape and recovery. I am rating it a hard M for graphic depictions of rape, violence, and, eventually, consensual sex.
I would never write about rape frivolously, nor to titillate. There's a lot of fan fiction out there that deals with sexual assault in all manner of ways, many of them distasteful. The last thing I want to do is add to the litany of "rapefic" that traumatizes beloved characters for the sake of creating a juicy story.
At the same time, rape and sexual assault is a reality. As such, I believe it is a legitimate subject for fiction, especially when the focus is not so much on the physical act but on the psychological repercussions, the aftershocks such an event can unleash in a survivor's life.
If the frank depiction of rape and the pain of recovery (physical, emotional, and sexual) is likely to trigger or otherwise upset you, I would honestly give this story a pass. I don't plan on pulling any punches. I do plan on handling this the most respectful way I know how.
So. Here we are.
I apologize wholeheartedly for taking so long to post this chapter. I also apologize that it's the last one (maybe…sorta…more on that later). I had a public speaking commitment (EEK!) followed by a visit from the parents, and that sort of derailed me from being creative for a couple months. Amazing how time flies when you're anxious and overwhelmed. Also…it was damn hard to write this chapter. Like, harder than I ever imagined it would be.
When I first started writing this story back in June 2010 (OMFG!), I had no idea it would take me almost two years to finish it. That's pretty crazy, and kudos to those of you who have stuck around for the duration. I have plenty of excuses for why this has taken so long: other writing projects, being a mom, working a full-time job, real life in general, and (honestly) the difficulty of writing a story about rape, with all the emotions it entails. I have to put myself into my character's heads to write convincingly, and this was a fairly traumatic head space to be in. I hate that I made you guys wait so long between updates at times, but the support I received always compelled me to keep going. Thank you for that.
In the time I've been writing this, I finished the second half of one novel and wrote another to completion. I also published two original short stories. "Little Earthquakes" has been my labor of love-an unpaid, semi-anonymous escape from my published fiction. As such, it was always the last priority and always the first project to be pushed aside whenever something else came up. I regret that it took me so long to finish it and I thank everyone for their patience. I appreciate it-and you-wholeheartedly.
To be totally honest, I started this chapter with the intention of writing two more. This one-the true conclusion of the story-followed by a short epilogue, which would be almost pure fluff and smut. An incontrovertibly happy ending, I guess. But when I finally neared the end of this chapter, I realized that it really felt like the conclusion to this story. And so I'm calling this the end. I genuinely feel that with this one, I've said all I needed to say. And I don't want to hold myself to writing "just one more" if it doesn't feel right.
That said, I am reserving the right to write a short, stand-alone epilogue to this story at some point in the future, with all the aforementioned fluff and smut (and I bet you can guess where it'll take place). Unfortunately, I can't promise when I'll be able to get to it. I have (paid) writing projects that I've been putting on hold for literally two years now that I desperately need to focus on. So I'm officially putting this story to bed for now. Keep your eyes open in the future.
To everyone who has taken the time to comment, review, or PM me-thank you. Whether or not I was able to respond individually (I did try, but admittedly wasn't always successful), your support and encouragement has meant everything to me. I'm going to try and answer all comments/reviews/notes relating to this final chapter. Just don't yell at me for ending it! (j/k…you can yell at me if you want).
As I mentioned before, I struggled mightily with this chapter and I'm still not convinced I won…but I hope you enjoy it. And, again, thank you. Seriously. It's been a pleasure writing for you all.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
"Torres, if you don't stop playing with that damn phone, I'm kicking you out of my OR." Mark spoke in a low grumble, never breaking his intense focus on the dissecting probe he maneuvered within his patient's incised hand. "And before you ask, yes, I'm serious. You're distracting me."
Callie frowned and slipped her phone back into the pocket of her scrubs. She'd convinced herself that she was being subtle about her obsession with checking for new text messages, but clearly that was not the case. "Sorry."
"I get it, I do, but please relax. For Mr. Benton's sake, if nothing else." Despite his admonition, Mark was as steady as ever as he repaired a finger misshapen by rheumatoid arthritis. She was glad that Mark's head was in the game, because Callie wasn't in the right frame of mind to assist. She'd only scrubbed in so she would have something to do besides worry. And Mark knew that-though he clearly regretted having agreed to babysit her now.
"I'll try." If only it were so easy. Callie had no idea how to relax when the jury could return their verdict at any moment, potentially unleashing yet another little earthquake in her and Arizona's relationship. Even knowing they'd survive it didn't make her any more eager to face a new emotional challenge. "I just hate waiting."
"So let's do something to take your mind off it. Drinks and darts after work?" Mark popped an eyebrow, exuding easy charm without ceasing the motion of his hands. "I owe you an ass-kicking after last time."
Callie didn't even want to think about last time-and she certainly wasn't going to leave Arizona alone like that again. Not with the jury in day two of deliberations and their own relative peace on the verge of being shattered once more. "No, thanks. Hanging out with Arizona tonight."
To his credit, Mark didn't try to talk her out of that. She was glad. He could be exhausting to fend off sometimes. Without missing a beat, he said, "I hear you two are jetting away to Spain next month."
"For ten days." Callie resisted the urge to pull her phone out of her pocket and check it again. News that Colin Thomas was going to prison would make it a whole lot easier to get excited about their vacation. Still, Mark was right-obsessing wouldn't produce a verdict any sooner. For all she knew, it might not even happen today. And Lauren had promised to text as soon as it did. Forcing her mind toward a happier future, Callie said, "I can't remember the last time I got away from reality for ten whole days. It was before I met Arizona, for sure."
"Well, you've earned it. Both of you."
"I can't wait. I'm ready to leave all this behind for a while." Callie smirked when Mark pulled a face. "No offense."
"None taken." Mark turned to Jackson Avery, who had been standing by silently during this entire exchange, and traded his probe for forceps. Then he bent to his patient's hand once more. "So are you two planning to do the tourist thing? The beach thing? Or just the bedroom thing?"
Callie rolled her eyes at Avery, who chuckled quietly. "I can always count on you, Mark." She only considered not answering for a moment. "All of the above."
Mark grinned. "Atta girl."
A musical tone bubbled up from within Callie's pocket and cut off her reply. She froze in place, immediately reduced to sheer, trembling panic at the possibility that she'd just been given exactly what she'd wanted. News. Though she'd checked her phone at least a hundred times already that morning, she couldn't seem to force herself to reach for it now. Her heart hammered against her chest wall as adrenaline coursed through her body.
"You gonna look?" Mark paused and lifted his gaze. "I don't mind you looking as long as there's actually something to see."
Callie swallowed past the lump in her throat. "I don't know if I can."
"Don't be ridiculous." Mark raised his eyebrow again. "You can."
"But-"
"It is what it is, Callie. Just get it over with and look." He gave her a kind smile before resuming his work. "Think of how relieved you'll feel if it's good news. Or if it's not, all the ways Robbins will try to cheer you up."
Callie closed her eyes. Annoying as it was, he was right. Again. Delaying the inevitable wasn't going to ease her tension. Getting rid of the source of her anxiety-this crippling uncertainty-would. Even if she was about to read bad news, knowing had to be better than this not knowing. Hands shaking, she reached into her pocket and took out her phone. She swallowed, steeling her nerve.
Mark groaned. "You're killing me. Seriously."
"Fine." Irritated by his lack of sympathy, Callie opened her eyes and unlocked her phone. One text message, from Lauren. She had to read it twice before the words sank in. Guilty of 7 felony counts. Sentencing in 3 months. Eligible for 45 to 80 years. Pretty sure that bastard isn't smiling now! She read each sentence again, just to be sure.
"Callie."
She didn't realize she had tears in her eyes until she looked up to see Mark's blurry visage staring back at her in concern. When his face threatened to fall, no doubt in response to her own shell-shocked expression, she found her voice. "It's good news."
Mark looked relieved. "Congratulations."
Callie lowered her gaze and read Lauren's text one more time. Forty-five to eighty years. That was good. Very good. Better than she'd ever dared hope. She was almost positive Arizona would be satisfied with this result, which was really all she cared about, in the end. With that in mind, Callie burned to share the news.
"You should go," Mark said. "Avery and I've got this."
Callie nodded but didn't stand. Arizona was in the middle of an hours-long surgery to correct a little girl's severe scoliosis, and had specifically chosen to lock her own cell phone in a drawer today-something about not wanting to be distracted by thoughts of juries and verdicts when she had a tiny human on the table. But surely Arizona wouldn't mind if she caught wind of good news. At least Callie hoped not. Right now she couldn't imagine not seeing Arizona, even if only from a distance.
Callie clambered to her feet. "I'm leaving. Thanks for putting up with me. For the most part, I mean."
"Anytime." She could hear Mark's good humor behind in his voice. "Say hello to Arizona for me."
"I will." Callie hurried out of the room, full of purpose. She deflated after only a few steps down the hallway. Barging in on Arizona's surgery would be a major blunder-Arizona would likely be embarrassed if she interrupted with such personal news. Her safest bet was to head up to the observation area. If she happened to catch Arizona's eye, she could give her a thumbs-up, but that would be it. The girl on Arizona's table came before everything else today-even the celebration Callie had been waiting for months to have.
The observation room over Arizona's OR was empty. Callie walked to the front row of chairs and stood close to the glass, overcome with emotion at the sight of a familiar pink scrub cap below. Arizona stood beside Meredith Grey, chatting away happily as she affixed a hook into her patient's spine. Focused and fluid in movement, she exuded strength and confidence and beauty and oh God things could have turned out so much worse. Callie took a step backward and sat down hard as a flood of relief turned her legs to jelly.
It was almost impossible to believe that this was the same woman who had been so broken and terrified in the days and weeks after Colin Thomas had entered their lives. Arizona had told her the night she was raped that the attack had changed her-and she was right. Arizona was a different person now. She was no less incredible than before, and infinitely stronger.
And she's mine. Callie covered her mouth with her hand to hide the stupid grin the possessive thought triggered. Arizona was hers. How about that for a happily ever after?
Meredith lifted her gaze from their patient's exposed spine and caught Callie watching. She tilted her head as the amusement faded from her eyes, then said something that tore Arizona's attention away from the bolt she was attaching. Looking up at Callie, Arizona furrowed her forehead in concern.
Aware that her facial expression couldn't possibly didn't match what she felt inside, Callie dropped her hand and gave her stupid grin permission to take over. Arizona visibly brightened, no doubt matching Callie's smile beneath her mask. Even though it was obvious Arizona understood the reason for Callie's sudden appearance and her good mood, Callie shot her a thumb's up just to make sure. The corners of Arizona's eyes crinkled as she nodded.
Then Arizona looked away, taking a deep breath as though steadying herself. Callie could see that she was processing the news and dealing with a flood of emotion-far more than just simple joy. She watched as Arizona picked up a surgical screw then set it down again, bowing her head and visibly exhaling. After a moment, Arizona looked up at Callie again with shining eyes.
On instinct, Callie put her hand on the glass in front of her. She wished she could wrap Arizona in a tight hug to help her through whatever she was experiencing, and hated that it wasn't an option. Maybe coming in here had been a mistake. She should have realized that even good news would trigger a complicated tangle of feelings.
Arizona lowered her gaze and said something to Meredith, who picked up a cloth and dabbed carefully beneath Arizona's eyes. Then Arizona picked up the surgical screw again, no longer paying attention to Callie. Meredith caught Callie's eye and smiled before walking briskly out of the OR.
Callie sat back as Arizona resumed work on her patient's curved spine. She forced her tense muscles to relax, a task that got easier once she realized that Arizona was once again focused entirely on her surgery. Anticipating Meredith's imminent arrival, Callie tracked the sure movement of Arizona's hands until the door behind her opened.
"Hey, Callie." Meredith sounded cautious.
"Hey." Callie tossed a wave over her shoulder without looking back. "Guilty of seven felony counts. He's eligible for forty-five to eighty years in prison."
Meredith exhaled as she plopped onto the bench beside her. "That's great news."
"It's the best news." Callie gave her a sidelong glance. "I couldn't keep it to myself. Sorry to interrupt."
"She understands. And she asked me to pass this along." Before Callie could wonder what that meant, Meredith had gathered her into a warm embrace. The hug was a pale substitute for one of Arizona's, but Callie would take it. She even needed it, a little.
When Meredith released her, Callie said, "Did she say anything else?"
"Yeah." Meredith's smile turned sheepish. "She said she'll come find you after she closes up."
Callie gazed down into the operating theater, not terribly surprised to find Arizona watching her with sparkling eyes. "Is that a hint? Did she send you to get rid of me?"
"You might be distracting her." Meredith held up her thumb and forefinger, spaced inches apart. "Just a bit."
Arizona winked up at her, taking any sting out of Meredith's pronouncement. Callie sighed. "Apparently I have a knack for that today."
"Honestly, I think she's just trying to hold it together. She's been extra perky today, if you know what I mean."
She knew exactly what Meredith meant. Extra perky meant Arizona was battling strong emotions. "I'll go." She wasn't entirely sure where. Worried about falling apart over a not guilty verdict, she'd finagled her schedule so she had very few commitments for the rest of the afternoon. Even if she was emotionally capable of returning to work, she was physically exhausted. "Maybe I'll take a nap." She yawned as her body reacted to the suggestion of sleep. "A quick one."
"You probably need it." Meredith bumped her shoulder. "Go on. We'll be done in a couple hours."
"Okay." Callie yawned again. "You talked me into it. Let Arizona know?"
"Of course."
Callie got to her feet, surprised by how much effort it took. Exhausted didn't nearly cover it. She felt like she could sleep for days. "Tell her to wake me up even if I'm sleeping when she finds me."
"All right."
Callie stopped when she reached the door, casting one last look down to the operating table. "And tell her I love her." Eyes welling, Callie cleared her throat. "So much."
"I will." Meredith gestured for her to go, but kindly. "Get some rest."
Callie obeyed.
#
As soon as Arizona scrubbed out of surgery, she embarked on a tour of Seattle Grace Mercy West's on-call rooms. She started with their favorite-the site of a shameful number of mid-shift dalliances-where she found Owen Hunt and Cristina Yang tangled in a passionate, half-naked embrace. After a round of apologies, mostly on her part, Arizona fled the room and continued her search for Callie.
She wished she hadn't felt the need to send her away earlier. Seeing Callie's smiling face looming above her usually inspired her best work, but today, with all she was feeling, it had simply been too overwhelming to have her so near. When Callie had given her that amazing grin, all she'd wanted to do was tear away her mask, strip off her gloves, and run up to the observation room to hug her as hard as she could. Partly because her reaction to the verdict threatened to sweep her away, making her crave the safety of Callie's embrace, but mostly because in that moment, she finally knew for sure that everything was going to be okay. All the pain, anxiety, and fear she'd been fighting back for months melted away at that realization, leaving her weak with relief. And tired. And fighting back tears.
It wasn't the right mental state for her to fall into during a long surgery, to say the least. Desperate to keep up the façade of cheerful competence, she'd sent Meredith to gently eject Callie from the observation room. She'd made it through the rest of the procedure with ease, but not without counting the seconds until she could collapse into Callie's arms.
Which made it slightly anti-climatic to find Callie in the third on-call room she checked, sprawled out on the bottom bunk with her mouth hanging open. Her disappointment was tempered by how adorable Callie looked when she slept, and by the knowledge that she desperately needed the rest. Arizona kicked off her shoes and knelt beside the bed, then carefully pulled a lock of dark hair away from Callie's bottom lip.
Callie mumbled, swiping at her cheek with the back of her hand. Unable to resist, Arizona dropped a light kiss on the corner of her mouth. "Scoot over," she whispered.
Without opening her eyes, Callie shifted closer to the wall, allowing Arizona to stretch out on the mattress behind her. "Good surgery?" she mumbled sleepily.
"Yeah." Wrapping her arm around Callie's waist, Arizona nuzzled the soft skin where her neck met her shoulder. Then she pushed her hand inside Callie's scrub top, touching her stomach. "God, your body feels good."
"Did Meredith tell you?"
She had. Forty-five to eighty years in prison wouldn't erase what Colin Thomas had done to her-to all of them-but she would be lying if she said it meant nothing at all. It definitely meant something. She didn't even want to imagine what she would be feeling right now if the jury had found him not guilty. "It's very good news."
"Arizona…" Callie paused, inhaled-and Arizona cut her off with a careful squeeze.
"Can we not talk about it right now?" Arizona held her breath while she waited for an answer. She was so tired of thinking about that man and what he'd done to her that she could just scream. Her body was healed, her fears had largely receded, and now Colin Thomas was heading to prison. Arizona was ready to move on-as much as that was possible. "Please?"
Callie rolled over so their noses nearly touched. "Okay." Her gaze strayed to Arizona's mouth. "What should we talk about?"
"Do we have to talk?" Sliding her hand up Callie's bare side to cup a bra-covered breast, Arizona pressed her mouth to Callie's for a lazy kiss. She pulled away with a contented murmur. "Let's just be together. Enjoy each other."
"I can do that." Callie curled a piece of blond hair around her finger. "You're easy to enjoy."
Arizona succumbed to the urge to steal another kiss. She wasn't exactly up for sex and doubted Callie would be either, but it felt so good to be able to be with her without fear or anxiety hanging over them. Stark relief surged through her, loosening her muscles. She broke their kiss with a shaky exhalation.
"I know," Callie whispered. She rested her chin on Arizona's shoulder and hugged her tighter. "Me too."
Tears gathered in the corners of Arizona's eyes at the incredible joy of having someone who understood her even when she didn't know what to say. As much as she didn't want to cry, she was too tired to stop her body's reaction to the day and the woman she loved. She cursed under her breath as her tears spilled over.
Callie drew back, rubbing her thumb across Arizona's cheek. She said nothing, just stared at her tenderly.
"I'm not upset." Arizona winced when her voice broke, belying her words.
But Callie just nodded. "It's okay."
Further undone by Callie's quiet support, Arizona whispered, "I don't want to talk about it."
"I'm not asking." Callie kissed her neck and rocked her gently. "Just let it out. Before you have to go back to work."
Normally Arizona would have protested, but she was too tired to fight. She buried her face in Callie and surrendered to the emotion she'd been battling for too long. She was pleased that Callie's shoulder muffled her sobs, and that Callie said and did nothing as she cried. It was embarrassing anytime she fell apart, and she desperately wanted to keep this between her and Callie.
Once Arizona's tears had run their course, she eased away and cringed at the large, dark stain she'd left behind. "Sorry."
Callie glanced at the wet spot on her scrubs and smiled. "I promise I won't tell anyone how this happened."
Arizona laughed through a sniffle. "I appreciate that."
"I know." Callie combed her fingers through Arizona's hair, drawing out a contented sigh. "How about after we get home tonight, we put on our pajamas, order a pizza, and watch whatever you want on TV?"
"If there was a Harper Avery award for best partner, you'd totally win." Arizona rested her head on Callie's chest and closed her eyes, exhaling. All cried out, she could feel a little of the perkiness she'd been forcing all day return to the front. The best part was that this time it was genuine. "I hope you're in the mood for Muppets."
"How could I not be in the mood for Muppets?"
Arizona patted Callie's tummy. "I love you."
"And I love you." Kissing the crown of her head, Callie murmured, "Think maybe I could braid your hair again? If you're interested, I mean."
"That would be fun." Arizona lifted up so she could look into Callie's eyes. "May I return the favor this time?"
Predictably, Callie wrinkled her nose. "Would you settle for painting my nails instead?"
"Deal." Arizona grinned and settled back down. "Thank you, Calliope." She traced her finger down the center of Callie's chest, enjoying the strong heartbeat beneath her ear. Grateful that Callie had offered her a chance for catharsis, she wanted to return the favor. "How are you doing?"
Callie gave her another squeeze. "I'm happy."
"Just happy?" She hoped so. It had been a while since she'd seen happy Callie, and the idea of having her back made Arizona giddy.
"Really happy. Tired, too." Sighing, Callie murmured, "And relieved."
"Me, too." Though Arizona was loath to leave the on-call room and the comfort of Callie's company, she had a few more things to do before she could go home for the night. And she couldn't wait to go home. "I have a couple patients to check on, and I promised Bailey a consult. Maybe we can sneak away after that."
"I'll cross my fingers." Callie gently eased them into a sitting position, but kept her arms firmly around Arizona's middle. "I'm sure I'll figure out a way to keep myself busy until then."
"Yeah, somehow I think you'll manage." They shared a smile over the truth of that statement. Boring nights were a rarity at Seattle Grace Mercy West. "Just try not to get too busy. I've got dibs on you tonight."
Callie's smile took on a naughty edge. "I like the sound of that."
Arizona kissed her on the cheek. "I thought you might."
With a heavy sigh, Callie crawled over her and got out of the bunk, straightening her scrubs. Then she offered her hand. "Let's get this work stuff over with, shall we?"
Arizona let Callie pull her standing, then gestured at her face. "How do I look? Like a crybaby?"
"Like my baby." Callie tugged her into a loose embrace, kissing her lips softly. "Your eyes are just a tiny bit red, but you look absolutely beautiful right now."
"Damn." Arizona pressed the heels of her hands to her eyes, willing away the evidence of her minor breakdown. She'd spent the entire day putting on a happy front and she'd be damned if she blew it now. Over good news, of all things. "You go ahead. I just need a couple of minutes to recover."
Callie coaxed her hands away from her face. "You really are gorgeous. That's all anyone will see."
Fresh tears threatened to fall. "Shit," Arizona said, then pushed lightly against Callie's shoulder. "Go. Before you make me lose it completely."
Grinning, Callie walked to the door and put her hand on the knob. When she glanced back, her eyes were sparkling. "I'm really glad this part is over."
"So am I." Arizona watched Callie go with a fond smile before turning her attention toward regaining her composure. That was a much easier task these days than it had been only a few months ago. She had the tools to cope and she knew how to use them. If nothing else, that was something she'd gained from this whole terrible experience. Perhaps even more important than being able to pull herself together was her new willingness not to run from the prospect of falling apart.
There was a time when she would've been terrified to surrender to the emotional turmoil she'd just experienced for even a moment, too frightened that she wouldn't make it back intact. The unrelenting, cheerful stoicism she'd practiced instead had made her feel safe, but it had also kept her distant. Shielded. Even from Callie.
Not anymore. Arizona raised her fingertips to lips that still tingled from Callie's kisses. Being raped had stolen her ability to hide what she was feeling and as a result, she'd found something she never expected to have-a partner in the truest sense of the word. She no longer wore her old, reliable armor with Callie. She didn't need to. As a result, she felt strong in a whole new way.
She wasn't sure she could say she'd do it all over again, but it felt good to see the happy ending in everything she'd gone through. If nothing else, Colin Thomas was the catalyst that had taken her relationship with Callie to the next level. And that meant everything to her.
Arizona fixed her hair as best as she could without a mirror, then walked out the on-call room door into the bustling hallway. Her first stop would have to be the locker room. Despite Callie's reassurances, she was certain she could use some freshening up. She turned toward her destination and nearly collided with Teddy.
"Oh!" Teddy's hands landed on her upper arms, preventing their bodies from crashing together. "I'm so sorry, AZ, I just got a page and…" She started to step around Arizona, then hesitated. "Is everything-" She tilted her head, worry painted all over her face. "Did the verdict come back?"
Either Callie had been lying about nobody noticing her puffy eyes, or else Teddy just knew her well enough to register that her mood was off. Probably a little of both. Eager to reassure Teddy, Arizona called up her sunniest expression. "Guilty. It was all good news, don't worry."
Teddy released her arms and hugged her tightly. "Oh, thank God. I'm so, so thrilled for you." A pager beeped at their waists, prompting them to break away from each other and check their respective devices. "Damn," Teddy murmured, stepping away quickly. "I'm so sorry, I've got to go. But let's-"
"We'll celebrate. Not tonight. But soon." Arizona waved at Teddy's back. "I'll talk to you later."
"Definitely." Teddy gave her an apologetic wave and a grin as she jogged away.
Mindful to look as light and carefree as possible, Arizona made her way to the locker room. She greeted various nurses, doctors, and other hospital personnel as she walked-the downside of being outgoing as a general rule was that she never really escaped social interaction, even when it was the last thing she wanted to face. Luckily, nobody seemed overly concerned about her wellbeing, and none of the friendly glances directed her way seemed to linger on her face.
Even so, Arizona was grateful for the potential respite offered by the locker room. Optimistic that she would find the room empty, the last thing she expected when she turned at the edge of the row of lockers was to bump into the solidly built form of a man. Once again, a hand gripped her arm, but this time, Arizona jerked away out of instinctive fear. Heart hammering, she stumbled backward, wincing when the corner of a locker dug into the small of her back. The flash of pain snapped her out of her panic and enabled her to calm down and recognize an obviously contrite Alex Karev standing in front of her. He stared her down with a mixture of caution and defensiveness.
Last time he'd taken her by surprise, she'd nearly taken off his head. But that was months ago and she'd grown since then. Or at least she was trying. Taking a deep breath, Arizona said, "Sorry."
"No, I'm sorry." Karev seemed to lower his guard a tiny bit, but his voice was gruff. "I didn't hear anyone come in."
"Just practicing my ninja skills." Pleased when Karev gave her a genuine smile, she returned the favor. Her adrenaline was still flowing, but she better than ever at bouncing back from these aftershocks. So much so that she didn't feel the need to run away from a man she knew and trusted, even if he had just scared the hell out of her. That realization calmed her even more. "Whose service are you on tomorrow?"
"Sloan." Karev made a face. "Lately he's giving me all his grunt work. I think he's punishing me for something, but I can't figure out what."
The possibilities were endless. Wanting to wipe their slate clean, Arizona decided to throw him a bone. "I have a couple of new patients coming in next week. Two-year-old twin girls, conjoined at the chest and abdomen. Their parents have elected surgery to separate them." She paused, enjoying the way Karev perked up at the thought of getting in on such a complex procedure. She hadn't worked closely with him in a while-truth be told, she'd avoided working with any men more than she had to after that incident with Avery-but Alex was a good surgeon and, inexplicably, Arizona sensed that he was meant for pediatrics. "You want in?"
"Hell yeah, I want in." Karev's face fell. "I mean, as long as Sloan-"
"I'll talk to Dr. Sloan." She figured Mark owed her a favor or two simply for putting up with him. Plus, she had a feeling he wouldn't exactly mourn Karev's absence on his service. Callie had mentioned that he seemed interested in courting Jackson Avery for plastics these days. "Let's meet tomorrow morning at ten to discuss the procedure and the team. Okay?"
Karev graced her with a full-on grin, more boyish than she'd ever seen him. "Great. Thanks, Dr. Robbins."
"You're very welcome, Dr. Karev." Only slightly self-conscious, Arizona stepped to the side and gestured for him to pass. "I'll see you then."
"Absolutely." Karev strode to the door with a noticeable spring in his step. "Later."
After he left, Arizona shook out her tense muscles, took a few more deep breaths, then walked to the locker where she kept a few personal items. She hated that she still reacted so strongly to being surprised-by men, especially-but accepted that it would probably get better with time. It already had gotten better, after all.
Arizona opened her locker, not surprised when her gaze went straight to the long-neglected Heelys that sat in the corner. She hadn't touched them since the night of the rape, when she'd taken them off and stashed them in here before meeting Callie in the elevator for their make-out session. Right before she'd walked into that parking lot and her life changed forever.
After that night, it had seemed silly to put them on again. Frivolous. Arizona touched one shoe, then the other, fingering the laces. For months she'd told herself the Heelys were a relic of a more innocent time, that they were the happy-go-lucky quirk of an undamaged version of herself. Not something for the woman she was now.
What a load of crap. As fun as they were, she'd never worn the Heelys for her own benefit. They were for the kids. Watching their faces light up as their doctor came rolling into the room never got old. It was an icebreaker, a tension diffuser, a way to put her patients and their parents at ease-it was one of the things that made her a kick-ass pediatric surgeon. Being raped might have changed a lot of things, but it hadn't changed that. She was still a kick-ass pediatric surgeon.
Decision made, Arizona grabbed the shoes, knocked off the light layer of dust that had gathered, then sat on the bench so she could slip them on. She was a different person now in more ways than she could count, but the thought no longer brought her sadness. She would always mourn the Arizona she'd lost to Colin Thomas's rage, yet she no longer yearned to get her back. How could she, when she genuinely liked the woman who had emerged from that terrible night?
She'd made peace with showing vulnerability to those who loved her, and with admitting that there were some things she couldn't handle alone. A year ago she would've considered that weakness. Now she understood that letting others in took courage and strength of a sort she hadn't known before her sense of self was shattered. Of course, that was all thanks to Callie. It was the discovery that the woman she loved was truly the love of her life-someone would stick by her side through even the most difficult times, evolving right along with her-that changed her most of all. It was Callie who made her the best person she could be.
Calliope Torres was a revelation. And Arizona planned to spend the rest of their lives showing her exactly how much she knew it.
But first, she had some kids to cheer up. Arizona left the locker room, waiting until there was a break in the stream of bodies moving down the hallway to set one foot in front of the other. Pointing her toes to the sky, she heeled down the hallway slowly at first, then took a few steps to gain speed. She whizzed past Callie at the reception desk, meeting her grin with one of her own.
"Be careful!" Callie called out as Arizona rolled past, just like she always had. It was almost as though no time had passed at all.
"I will," Arizona said, before executing a perfect 180 that left her facing Callie and rolling backwards down the hall.
Callie pretended to hide her eyes. "You're going to give me a heart attack."
Arizona brought her toes down and came to a stop. She waited until Callie uncovered her eyes, then did a 360 spin on one wheel. "But you love me."
"Unconditionally." Callie gave her a stern look when she performed another pirouette. "I'll even kiss your boo-boo when you fall down. Right after I say I told you so."
Despite Callie's words, Arizona could see the way her eyes sparkled with pleased amusement. Taking a bow, Arizona said, "I love you, too." Then she spun on her heel and took off, elated by the sound of Callie's laughter following her down the hallway.
It made her feel awesome.
END