You are the earth beneath my feet. You are my gravity. Cuz lately I've been tired and uninspired.
What do you do when you're tangled in the biggest web you've ever encountered and you have no idea how to figure out the knots?
I am in love with the wrong person, though, I have feelings for the other. I'd fight 'til exhaustion and beyond for one, and the other I expect to fight for me even though I've hurt him in the past and never showed him the compassion he deserves.
There's something so appealing about the life I've envisioned with this man. He has hurt me time and time again, and I continue to persevere. I'd do anything to keep his heart forever. I moved out of my home, moved halfway across the country, obliterated any comfort that was left in my life, and began to survive an independent life in a city I'd never even been to before, so I could start a genuine relationship with him. But, at my sign of weakness, he retracted. Before I went to be with him he told me he wanted to help me with everything, and what I didn't get was he meant help by teaching me how to do it all on my own. In all honesty, I was afraid. It's a weakness of mine that I crack under pressure. So I suppose he didn't see this in me at first, and when he did, I became less attractive to him. Given, no one is attracted to weakness, but he completely gave up. I'd been working for him for months and months and hardship and flaws arose, but I never gave up, because I saw his spirit and his soul and I understood his mind. I was wrong to assume that he, in turn, saw mine. There is so much comfort within the walls of the relationship we've built, I could tell him anything freely, he can confide in me. Am I crazy to believe there's something there? I just don't know how much longer I can put up with this without fully sacrificing my sanity. The person I've been building for so long is slowly slipping away, and at what cost? For a man? I am strongly, strongly, strongly against living for a man. And here I am. I find purpose in a boy who doesn't appreciate what I offer, who I am, and my worth. He doesn't value it in the way I deserve. Worst of all, I keep letting him control me, I keep letting him back in. And this is hurting more than just me.
So him and I are no longer dating, and I've begun to date someone else. Which hurt another, completely different person. Which is the farthest thing from what I wanted or intended. I've been so selfish. So blinded by these difficult situations.
At this point I am trying to convince myself that happiness is a state of mind. It is my attitude towards what occurs in my life that rules the way I experience it. I am depressed because I let myself be that way. And I seriously need to cease this behavior. I need to realize that what is most important right now is my future. Because, I'm not getting anywhere, and I keep tracing circles with relationship upon relationship, when I should be working my way towards my dreams.
And though I know I should probably drop all ties and remain single for quite some time, work on myself, excel in something, all my feelings are getting in the way. My emotions trump my sensibility. And it's not what I need.
I am in love with the wrong person, though, I have feelings for the other. I'd fight 'til exhaustion and beyond for one, and the other I expect to fight for me even though I've hurt him in the past and never showed him the compassion he deserves.
There's something so appealing about the life I've envisioned with this man. He has hurt me time and time again, and I continue to persevere. I'd do anything to keep his heart forever. I moved out of my home, moved halfway across the country, obliterated any comfort that was left in my life, and began to survive an independent life in a city I'd never even been to before, so I could start a genuine relationship with him. But, at my sign of weakness, he retracted. Before I went to be with him he told me he wanted to help me with everything, and what I didn't get was he meant help by teaching me how to do it all on my own. In all honesty, I was afraid. It's a weakness of mine that I crack under pressure. So I suppose he didn't see this in me at first, and when he did, I became less attractive to him. Given, no one is attracted to weakness, but he completely gave up. I'd been working for him for months and months and hardship and flaws arose, but I never gave up, because I saw his spirit and his soul and I understood his mind. I was wrong to assume that he, in turn, saw mine. There is so much comfort within the walls of the relationship we've built, I could tell him anything freely, he can confide in me. Am I crazy to believe there's something there? I just don't know how much longer I can put up with this without fully sacrificing my sanity. The person I've been building for so long is slowly slipping away, and at what cost? For a man? I am strongly, strongly, strongly against living for a man. And here I am. I find purpose in a boy who doesn't appreciate what I offer, who I am, and my worth. He doesn't value it in the way I deserve. Worst of all, I keep letting him control me, I keep letting him back in. And this is hurting more than just me.
So him and I are no longer dating, and I've begun to date someone else. Which hurt another, completely different person. Which is the farthest thing from what I wanted or intended. I've been so selfish. So blinded by these difficult situations.
At this point I am trying to convince myself that happiness is a state of mind. It is my attitude towards what occurs in my life that rules the way I experience it. I am depressed because I let myself be that way. And I seriously need to cease this behavior. I need to realize that what is most important right now is my future. Because, I'm not getting anywhere, and I keep tracing circles with relationship upon relationship, when I should be working my way towards my dreams.
And though I know I should probably drop all ties and remain single for quite some time, work on myself, excel in something, all my feelings are getting in the way. My emotions trump my sensibility. And it's not what I need.