And We're Gonna Replay
Title: And We're Gonna Replay
Author eoryndal
Rating: pg
Pairing: Jonghyun/Taemin (friendship)
Genre: hurt/comfort
Summary: How can he fix something if he doesn't know where it's broken?
A/N: This was inspired by redcottonstar 's beautiful fic We need a replay . It was just a short little drabble in my head but when I wrote it down, it became a full oneshot. It's written while I was listening to SHINee's 화살. Halfway through I realized I didn't know the meaning of the lyrics and looked up a translation. I think it fits the story very well, so I recommend you listen to it while reading.
Jonghyun comes home late that night. He turns the key, opens and closes their apartment door as quietly as possible because he knows the others are already asleep.
The first door to the right is the door to one of the spare rooms. It's the one they have furnished with their laptops, a keyboard, two acoustic guitars, an old, beige couch and heaps of music sheets.
It's the first door to the right so it's really just coincidence that, when Jonghyun leans against this door while taking his shoes off, he hears stiffled sobbing inside.
The simple realization than one of them is crying is enough to squeezes his heart painfully. Not even taking the time to slip out of his jacket, he opens the door softly.
The room appears to be empty and everything is dark except for the lonely, red stand-by lights of the pcs. It just makes the squeeze in his heart worse and constricts his throat. He doesn't have it in him to switch the light on when the person in the room preferred to entrust himself to the darkness. He pulls his cell phone out of his jeans pocket and flips it open, lighting a small spot somewhere next to his feet.
"Hyung." The whisper is a choked sound that hangs in the air. Jonghyun doesn't need to see the figure curled up in the space between the couch and the wall. Half hiding from the world and arms clutched tight around bony knees. He doesn't need to see because it's one of four voices he would always recognize. Always.
In his mind, Jonghyun is already stepping to him, kneeling down and embracing him in a tight hug, warm hand on his hair and soft voice telling him that whatever it is, it's going to be okay.
But in reality, Jongyhun is frozen to his spot. His legs don't have the strength to move and his voice has gone mute. How can he fix something if he doesn't know where it's broken? He stares, helplessly and afraid, stares until his eyes become adjusted to the surrounding darkness and he can see soft features of a pale face and big eyes staring back.
"I'm sorry", Taemin say then, breaks eye contact and digs his chin into his knees. For what?, Jongyhun wants to ask, for making me worry? For crying in the first place? You don't have to say sorry. But his voice doesn't form sounds and all that happens when he opens his mouth is that he swallows and stays mute.
He forces his legs to carry him one step, and then a second step, drops down in front of Taemin. He swallows again but the lump in his throat won't go away. Taemin raises his head a bit to look at him again.
"What's happening to us?"
The whisper resounds in the silence. Jongyhun hears words and sees lips moving but he can't comprehend. No, what's happening to you?, he wants to ask. It's not right that their youngest is like this. It's not right, it's not him, his camera-perfect smile can't be missing.
He looks like a ghost, Jonghyun thinks and this thought pours a fear through his core that is worse than any horror movie could ever be. His hand reaches out to confirm that Taemin is still there. He clutches Taemin's cold hands in his and circles his other arm around Taemin's shoulders, pulling him close to his chest.
Taemin doesn't move, doesn't uncurl, but his quivering shoulders and the wet spot seeping through Jongyhun's shirt confirm that he's crying again.
"Are we...", he tries to breathe and speak and keep from falling apart at the same time, "Are we dissolving?"
"What are you saying..." Jonghyun mumbles softly. The words are finally back as if they hadn't left him moments ago but he still can't process this situation. His mind is blank, his heart on the other hand close to tearing apart from sympathy for this shaking boy and from his own fears.
"Dissolving. Falling... falling apart? Are we? I know we can't be SHINee forever but... but it's not now, right? We still have years. Don't we?"
Jonghyun thinks of silent Minho who has opened up so well to them but has fallen back into his solitary state lately. He thinks of Kibum who isn't laughing freely anymore, of Onew who just looks so tired. Jonghyun has noticed their slow change but he hasn't noticed Taemin. Taemin who hides behind his cute half-moon smile, who doesn't complain, doesn't cause trouble, doesn't bicker, just cries in an empty room at night unnoticed so he doesn't disturb his hyungs.
"Because I really don't know what I'd do without the four of you. I'm... I'm nothing without you."
It's this whispered confession that really breaks Jonghyun apart and his tears fall into Taemin's hair, all the while swaying their bodies softly. They stay like that, and Jonghyun says that they're going to be okay, that Taemin is doing great, that they'll be able to get more rest when promotions are over. He prays Taemin understands because the sentences are garbled by his tear-soaked voice.
Taemin does calm down, even removes his hands from his knees finally and heaves a deep, shaky breath. Suddenly, he's so, so exhausted. He lets himself go limp in Jonghyun's comforting embrace. His eyelids are drooping but there's something he wants to tell Jonghyun before he falls asleep.
"You know... the five of us...", he mumbles into the fabric of Jonghyun's shirt, "even if we have to disband someday, we're forever staying in contact as friends."
Somehow, that stubborn determination in his words glues Jonghyun back together. He feels like he can function again. And funny, the first thought in his head is, oh, I'm still wearing my jacket, and the second thing he does is wipe his tears with the sleeve of said jacket, then takes it off and helps Taemin wobble into the bedroom. In his mind's eye, he can already see Kibum giving them hell for looking bleary-eyed, Onew's worried look and Minho's reproachful glare for making their leader worry.
Yes, no matter what, they will stay friends, Jonghyun is sure. 'Forever' doesn't exist but 'for a lifetime' does and it's long enough.
Author eoryndal
Rating: pg
Pairing: Jonghyun/Taemin (friendship)
Genre: hurt/comfort
Summary: How can he fix something if he doesn't know where it's broken?
A/N: This was inspired by redcottonstar 's beautiful fic We need a replay . It was just a short little drabble in my head but when I wrote it down, it became a full oneshot. It's written while I was listening to SHINee's 화살. Halfway through I realized I didn't know the meaning of the lyrics and looked up a translation. I think it fits the story very well, so I recommend you listen to it while reading.
Jonghyun comes home late that night. He turns the key, opens and closes their apartment door as quietly as possible because he knows the others are already asleep.
The first door to the right is the door to one of the spare rooms. It's the one they have furnished with their laptops, a keyboard, two acoustic guitars, an old, beige couch and heaps of music sheets.
It's the first door to the right so it's really just coincidence that, when Jonghyun leans against this door while taking his shoes off, he hears stiffled sobbing inside.
The simple realization than one of them is crying is enough to squeezes his heart painfully. Not even taking the time to slip out of his jacket, he opens the door softly.
The room appears to be empty and everything is dark except for the lonely, red stand-by lights of the pcs. It just makes the squeeze in his heart worse and constricts his throat. He doesn't have it in him to switch the light on when the person in the room preferred to entrust himself to the darkness. He pulls his cell phone out of his jeans pocket and flips it open, lighting a small spot somewhere next to his feet.
"Hyung." The whisper is a choked sound that hangs in the air. Jonghyun doesn't need to see the figure curled up in the space between the couch and the wall. Half hiding from the world and arms clutched tight around bony knees. He doesn't need to see because it's one of four voices he would always recognize. Always.
In his mind, Jonghyun is already stepping to him, kneeling down and embracing him in a tight hug, warm hand on his hair and soft voice telling him that whatever it is, it's going to be okay.
But in reality, Jongyhun is frozen to his spot. His legs don't have the strength to move and his voice has gone mute. How can he fix something if he doesn't know where it's broken? He stares, helplessly and afraid, stares until his eyes become adjusted to the surrounding darkness and he can see soft features of a pale face and big eyes staring back.
"I'm sorry", Taemin say then, breaks eye contact and digs his chin into his knees. For what?, Jongyhun wants to ask, for making me worry? For crying in the first place? You don't have to say sorry. But his voice doesn't form sounds and all that happens when he opens his mouth is that he swallows and stays mute.
He forces his legs to carry him one step, and then a second step, drops down in front of Taemin. He swallows again but the lump in his throat won't go away. Taemin raises his head a bit to look at him again.
"What's happening to us?"
The whisper resounds in the silence. Jongyhun hears words and sees lips moving but he can't comprehend. No, what's happening to you?, he wants to ask. It's not right that their youngest is like this. It's not right, it's not him, his camera-perfect smile can't be missing.
He looks like a ghost, Jonghyun thinks and this thought pours a fear through his core that is worse than any horror movie could ever be. His hand reaches out to confirm that Taemin is still there. He clutches Taemin's cold hands in his and circles his other arm around Taemin's shoulders, pulling him close to his chest.
Taemin doesn't move, doesn't uncurl, but his quivering shoulders and the wet spot seeping through Jongyhun's shirt confirm that he's crying again.
"Are we...", he tries to breathe and speak and keep from falling apart at the same time, "Are we dissolving?"
"What are you saying..." Jonghyun mumbles softly. The words are finally back as if they hadn't left him moments ago but he still can't process this situation. His mind is blank, his heart on the other hand close to tearing apart from sympathy for this shaking boy and from his own fears.
"Dissolving. Falling... falling apart? Are we? I know we can't be SHINee forever but... but it's not now, right? We still have years. Don't we?"
Jonghyun thinks of silent Minho who has opened up so well to them but has fallen back into his solitary state lately. He thinks of Kibum who isn't laughing freely anymore, of Onew who just looks so tired. Jonghyun has noticed their slow change but he hasn't noticed Taemin. Taemin who hides behind his cute half-moon smile, who doesn't complain, doesn't cause trouble, doesn't bicker, just cries in an empty room at night unnoticed so he doesn't disturb his hyungs.
"Because I really don't know what I'd do without the four of you. I'm... I'm nothing without you."
It's this whispered confession that really breaks Jonghyun apart and his tears fall into Taemin's hair, all the while swaying their bodies softly. They stay like that, and Jonghyun says that they're going to be okay, that Taemin is doing great, that they'll be able to get more rest when promotions are over. He prays Taemin understands because the sentences are garbled by his tear-soaked voice.
Taemin does calm down, even removes his hands from his knees finally and heaves a deep, shaky breath. Suddenly, he's so, so exhausted. He lets himself go limp in Jonghyun's comforting embrace. His eyelids are drooping but there's something he wants to tell Jonghyun before he falls asleep.
"You know... the five of us...", he mumbles into the fabric of Jonghyun's shirt, "even if we have to disband someday, we're forever staying in contact as friends."
Somehow, that stubborn determination in his words glues Jonghyun back together. He feels like he can function again. And funny, the first thought in his head is, oh, I'm still wearing my jacket, and the second thing he does is wipe his tears with the sleeve of said jacket, then takes it off and helps Taemin wobble into the bedroom. In his mind's eye, he can already see Kibum giving them hell for looking bleary-eyed, Onew's worried look and Minho's reproachful glare for making their leader worry.
Yes, no matter what, they will stay friends, Jonghyun is sure. 'Forever' doesn't exist but 'for a lifetime' does and it's long enough.