What You Did For Me 1/1
Title: What You Did For Me
'Verse: Right Turn
Author: fictionfreak15
Beta: gwencarmichael <--- my backbone
Pairing: Adam/Kris
Cast of characters: Adam, Kris, OC Kage
Disclaimer: this is fanfiction, which means it didn't happen, and other than my OC, I am only a fan of the characters mentioned. I don't own them.
Warnings: light language, mpreg
Summary: Kris is having self image issues...
A/N: OOOOkay. So I'm thinking some of you are not too happy with me just a little right now. If I were you, I'd be mad lol!!! So I thought I would present this timestamp from RIGHT TURN, my previous Kradam chapter fic that was inspired by the film THE FAMILY MAN. I hope it gives you the warm and fuzzies lol I'd been wanting to write this for a while now, and finally got in the mood after reading Across the Universe by pyrosgf . Thank you! This is set around 2 years after the original fic ended. Never done a timestamp before...hope I did it correctly! Bit ups to my beta for getting this back to me so quickly! Jeeze I just wrote this today! Love and Respect - fictionfreak15
Right Turn Master List
"So, you like her, huh?" Adam felt a grin tugging at his face, anticipating the response from his nine year old.
"Nooo!" Kage exclaimed as if annoyed, his blue eyes going wide from the passenger seat. "I don't like her! Candice is just good at sports and stuff!" the boy defended himself, and crossed his freckled arms as though he had made a solid, impenetrable case.
Adam kept his eyes on the road and managed to keep his teasing thoughts to himself. He'd missed so much of Kris Jr's - or Kage, as he was used to being called - life, but every day, Adam was reminded with delight and contentment that there was still much more for him to witness while his son grew up.
He merrily changed the subject, asking if Kage had baseball practice after school, and the answer was 'no'. Then Kage asked if Adam had to go away this week. "Not for a little while, baby. It'll be easier for Daddy if he has both of us around, so we're all going to be together for a little while longer. You excited?" Adam glanced over, his own thoughts of the future making his eyes blaze with giddiness.
Kage had to laugh. "Maybe not as excited as you, but yeah, I'm happy, I guess." The boy's small smile was genuine, but he simply didn't feel the need to have Adam's enthusiasm. The past two and a half years had been an adjustment for the boy, but it was a marvel to Adam how resilient his son had been. For the first six years of his life, it had just been Kage and Kris. Then Adam showed up on their doorstep, and the duet became a trio, so to speak. And now...
Soon, Adam pulled up in front of Kage's elementary school, and the mini version of himself gathered his back pack from between his feet. "See ya!" Kage said as he reached for the door to open it.
"Kristopher Allen-Lambert, where is my hug?" Adam asked, feigning a pout.
Kage chuckled and rolled his eyes, beginning to lean in over the console. Adam didn't care if he thought he was silly. They'd known each other long enough now to know that Adam needed his hugs. He gave Kage a tight squeeze, and planted a peck on the side of his cheek, often having to do so at unexpected times as Kage got older. The utterance of 'ugh!' that came out in a half-whine was proof of that. Adam chuckled. He had to steel kisses while he still could.
"Do you have to do that right in front of the school?!" Kage complained with a laugh.
"No one's paying attention, Monkey. Now, go inside before you're late, okay? Love you, Kage. I'll pick you up at four.
Kage sighed and shook his head, the smile on his face telling Adam he was hopeless. "I love you, too, Papa."
As Adam watched his beautiful son walk toward the front entrance, he sighed in contentment, remembering something sweet at the sound of Kage's name for him. When he had first found his family again, Adam knew he had to be patient and wait for Kage to get to know him before the love he felt would be mutual. As a parent, Adam was dying to be called Papa but couldn't bring himself to ask Kage to call him that. Little did he know, the then first grader - for some reason - had gotten it in his head that he couldn't call Adam that until he'd married Kris. They'd all felt pretty silly about that. Kage started using the term shortly after his fathers returned from their short honeymoon a year ago. Now it fell from his lips as easily as his own name.
***
The house was quiet when Adam walked back in after dropping Kage off that morning. He expected it would be. Walking to the stairs, he listened for a moment, hearing nothing.
After much discussion, Kris had allowed Adam to move the family into this place after they were married. Kris had liked his house, because he'd worked so hard to get it, but once Adam showed his husband this place, he'd fallen in love with it. It was really nice and home-y. Not too big, the way one might expect a celebrity to choose, but big enough for the three of them, for guests...or any additions.
Adam considered that even though it was passed 9:30 am, Kris might still have been sleeping. As he stood at the bottom, he wondered if he should just let his husband be. He quickly gave in to his actual want to simply go to him, telling himself he should see if Kris was okay.
Standing in front of their closed bedroom door, Adam waited, listening again. Then, after hearing nothing, he raised his hand and knocked softly. This had been necessary of late, depending on Kris' mood. At first, no sound came from behind the door, but then he heard, "Uh...go ahead, Adam."
Adam opened the door, the morning light that filled the bedroom before him escaped into the dim hall. With the beautiful sunlight greeting him, Adam didn't fail to notice the dismal atmosphere in the room as well. Despite that, he regarded his husband sitting on the edge of the bed with his back to him, and the same warmth filled his chest again. He couldn't help it. Just the sight of Kris made him happy every time. He entered the room.
Kris wasn't doing much of anything, just sitting in the quiet bedroom, perhaps staring out of the window. He had gotten dressed, Adam noticed, in the comfortable sweatpants and the oversized sweatshirt, despite the warm California morning. A lot of days, Kris couldn't bring himself to get out of bed on his own, let alone get dressed, but that didn't mean his mood had necessarily improved if he did. Adam had gingerly talked his husband into trying to get the energy to change every day in hopes it would make him feel more human. Kris was doing his best, but Adam understood that, to Kris, some days there just wasn't any point.
The brunette didn't turn around as Adam approached - didn't acknowledge him, really - just sat with his head down but not necessarily looking at his large, round middle that was covered by the grey sweatshirt. A bit of darting of the eyes called attention to his self conscious feelings, which had become worse and worse the further along Kris became, and Adam picked up on it.
Softly and gently, Adam asked, "Can I sit?"
Kris worried the back of his neck, frowning, and Adam felt a bit of sympathy once again for the poor man who had to make up his mind whether he wanted his husband to be close. Adam understood. Lately, Kris just wanted to be left alone, be where no one could see him, but Kris also felt that he shouldn't shun his husband. It was easier with Kage. Their son couldn't convince him to go anywhere, but Kris always managed never make him feel like he didn't want to be around him. Adam was grateful for that. Otherwise, with Adam, Kris had to force himself to allow any sort of affection to be given to him. Luckily, after a bit, Adam was always able to make him feel a little more comfortable until the next time.
"Um...Yeah, okay," Kris almost whispered, as if it was a small plea for Adam to be careful. Not that he believed anything so ridiculous as Adam ever hurting him, but it was more like 'be gentle; I'm fragile right now'.
Adam complied, sitting calmly next to his husband, and surprised he was allowed so close. 'He's just depressed today, not irritable,' Adam deduced. Kris didn't look up, but Adam could still see the slight discomfort. He hoped to do something about that in the next few minutes. In the meantime, he was glad Kris understood as well that Adam was there for him, even if he didn't feel comfortable at times.
Kris tried to sound casual, but his odd behavior was the elephant in the room that he always pretended to ignore. "Kage get to school alright?" The brunette frowned, and Adam knew his pesky guilt had returned. It was usually Kris who took their son in every morning.
"Yeah, baby. He's okay." Without thinking, Adam reached up and began gliding his hand soothingly up and down Kris' back. Kris must have needed it because he didn't tense or shy away. Adam smiled. "You hungry?"
Kris shrugged. "Made some toast while you were gone," he mumbled, but his frown went away. "I'm not really hungry right now."
Adam kept his eyes on him, gazing fondly at the messy, brown hair, the noticeably fuller face and neck as a result of Kris gaining weight. Just more to love in Adam's eyes. Sure, Kris had looked better, but that didn't mean Adam couldn't still see the man of his dreams.
"You wanna go downstairs? We could pop in a comedy or something," Adam offered. He knew asking if Kris would like to go out was a waste of time.
"No..." Kris mumbled again. "Someone might come over."
Adam held in his sigh that he wanted to let out, not wanting Kris to think he was disappointed. Again, Adam understood. Kris didn't want to be seen by anybody. He even took a leave from work and wasn't expected back until a few weeks after the delivery. This also lead to Kris coming up with reasons not to leave their bedroom, the one place - for some reason - he was comfortable to remain.
"Come here, baby," Adam invited softly and was happy to see Kris lean in to him, allowing Adam to wrap him in his arms. He smiled again and whispered, "I love you." Then he heard Kris sigh, hoping it was one of relief.
Adam knew this was temporary. Kris did, too, considering he'd been through this sort of thing before. A little while after deciding they wanted to try to have another baby, a lot of talking occurred before they put the condoms away for a while. Adam was finally able to express his longing to actually be there for the birth of his child, and to this very moment, he was exceedingly grateful to Kris and the universe that he was being given that opportunity. They both had talked to Kage and asked how he thought he would feel about having a sibling. Being eight at the time, Kage was surprisingly cool with it. They'd tried to tell him that a new baby would change things, though his fathers would love him the same, but Kage didn't really seem worried at all. Finally, Kris eventually told Adam that he might start 'actin' weird'.
"It's happened before...not too long, actually, before I had Kris Jr," Kris had explained. He'd said that he didn't want anyone looking at his body the closer he got to expectancy, so he hardly went outside and was really depressed as hormones ran amuckin the later months. "And then after I saw Kage for the first time, I was back to normal."
As Adam held his husband now, he sat and daydreamed, thinking of the past, even thatpast that his mind drifted back to sometimes. That week he spent as a humble father, husband and penny pinching singer/stage actor, was something Adam Lambert could never forget. He'd woken up next to Kris, a man he hadn't seen in ten years, and not only did he discover they were married, but they had a six year old son called Nathan. Adam had pretended that he had amnesia - a head injury from a mugging that never happened to him fit in nicely with this story - and so Kris began the task of filling Adam in on the life they'd spent together. That whole week, Adam learned how he had to be careful with money, how to just be a regular guy again, how to be a faithful husband, and most importantly, how to love his son. Kris had been very detailed, but it wasn't until Kage's Daddy had told him he had a tendency to feel self conscious while he was pregnant that Adam realized Nathan's Daddy never really went into it.
'Maybe he was too ashamed or didn't want to talk about it,' Adam speculated. Whatever the reason, Adam was glad he was with Kris now. Though it didn't feel great to be alive in Kris' eyes presently, Adam knew that once the baby came, Kris would be glad he didn't have to go through it alone again. 'Maybe that's why he agreed to let me get him pregnant in the first place,' Adam added to himself. Suddenly, his heart swelled at the possibility, knowing how much Kris truly loved Adam to go through all of it again. And because Adam was there, he just knew Kris was going to be alright.
Feeling loved and incredibly optimistic, Adam squeezed Kris and kissed his temple. "I love you so much," he whispered.
Again, Kris sighed, and again he didn't say it back. "I don't know how you can touch me or even look at me..."
"Oh, baby." Adam began rocking him a little, giving the affection and reassurance that Kris needed. "I wish you could see yourself the way I do." He bent and kissed Kris' neck, letting his whispering lips graze the man's skin. "I love this. I love being with you and getting to see you and Kage every day. I...I love you for putting yourself through this." He backed up, trying to see into Kris' eyes. "I know you want the baby, too, but you're...I've also felt that a part of you is doing this...for me...so that I'll finally know what it's like to watch our child being born."
Kris shrugged. "Maybe..." Then he sighed and frowned, only speaking as if ashamed. "I...I do want this with you, Adam. I want to have your children. I just...wish it was over...I..." His lip began to quiver, and Adam saw moisture line Kris' guilty, brown eyes. "I want it out of me, Adam!" he sobbed, an emotional mess and fell into Adam's chest again.
Adam soothed and cooed and caressed, secretly reveling in the fact that he was there to do so, to see his hormonal husband break before him and be allowed to hold him together. He knew Kris didn't mean to talk about the baby like it was a parasite, so he let it go and tried to comfort his husband.
Kris calmed after a bit. When he seemed to have had enough crying for now, he sat up, wiped his face with some tissues he always kept handy these days and blew his nose. "I just wish it was over," Kris admitted again wearily with his shaky voice. "A part of me feels like you won't want...want...me anymore..."
"Oh, Kris...That's just not true. I want you."
Apparently, Adam had not sounded convincing enough. Kris hesitated, but his stressed-out head went to a place he didn't need to be in. "It's just that...before...before you came back...you had all those other..."
Adam stopped him with a calm but desperate 'shhhh', not wanting Kris to bring that up at a time like this. Kris knew Adam had had loads of sex with many different men in the years between when they'd first met and when Adam came back, wanting a family. Everybody knew it. Adam used to live his life out in the open with little discretion whatsoever. But that was over now. Adam had put that part of his life behind him because he found something else in life that a good fuck just could never compete with. He had a better public image, and it was all simply over. Adam didn't want Kris throwing it in his face when all Kris really needed was to feel loved by his husband.
"No, baby...don't go there, okay? I said I want you. You're the only man I want. I'll spend the rest of my life with you, baby, raise our children, be there when you need me...make love to you...anytime you want me." Adam was close to him again. He continued to caress and kiss, touching Kris' back, his neck, then letting one hand fall to his husband's belly, carefully letting his fingertips lightly rake over one spot of the sweatshirt material while his palm stayed in one place. Kris allowed it, allowed the inclusion of what it was about him that was making him self conscious. Adam heard him sigh, but this time in a different way.
Slowly, Kris returned the embrace and said into Adam's chest, "I love you, Adam."
Adam closed his eyes and nuzzling Kris affectionately. He finally got his husband back again, and he thought to himself, "Only two more weeks..." He couldn't wait.
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