ScriptFrenzy script, part three!
I wrote a shit-ton this time around. But you'll read it anyway, cause you love me!
EXT.- BALLOON PILE
BALLOON
(turning to camera)
It’s human instinct to seek help when faced with the unfamiliar, which is entirely unlike the balloon instinct to deflate slowly over a course of several weeks.
(the balloon pauses to think)
I suppose there’s something to be said for the human way, really.
EXT.- A MASSIVE PALACE MADE OF ODDS AND ENDS, WITH A RECURRING THEME OF SOCKS.
We slowly pan down from the palace to see Susan, Casey, and Hank standing in front of the door, which is much too small for either of the humans to get through. Susan is holding the baby, who is now gagged with Casey’s pink scarf.
HANK
(chatters)
CASEY
Yeah, do it.
Hank hops off Casey’s shoulder and runs into the palace.
CASEY
He’s going to get King Wiblet.
SUSAN
(holding up the baby)
Are you sure this isn’t hurting it?
CASEY
Look, he isn’t crying anymore, is he?
SUSAN
Actually, I think he’s sleeping.
CASEY
See? There you go! How bad could it be?
SUSAN
Yeah, but I just-
Susan is interrupted by the sound of an elevator platform. Very slowly, a green creature in a crown made of baby socks (King Wiblet) rises up onto the roof, sitting in a throne made from socks and silverware. Hank is standing beside him.
KING WIBLET
(chatters, in a voice deeper than Hank’s)
SUSAN & CASEY
(bowing)
Majesty.
KING WIBLET
(chatters)
CASEY
Could you-I’m sorry, sir, but Susan can’t understand you unless you speak English, so…
KING WIBLET
Ah. I remember. For you, Susan, my child, I will speak the lowly language of humans.
SUSAN
Thank you, Majesty.
KING WIBLET
My loyal servant Hank tells me that my human children have a quandary to present?
SUSAN
(holding up the baby)
It’s this creature, sir. It fell through with the rest of the things for sorting this morning, and it-
KING WIBLET
Take that ridiculous decoration off its face, my dear, I can’t see the thing at all.
SUSAN
Yes, sir.
Susan starts to remove the scarf from the baby’s face, but Casey grabs her wrist.
CASEY
(whispering)
Are you sure it’s safe?
SUSAN
(whispering)
I told you, it’s asleep!
CASEY
What if it starts crying again?
SUSAN
Casey! King Wiblet told me to untie the thing, are you gonna argue with him?
CASEY
Okay, okay…
Susan unties the baby and holds it up for King Wiblet to see.
KING WIBLET
Ahhhhh, yes. I see it now. Yes, indeed, my children, it was only a matter of time before such a thing came through to our world.
SUSAN
What… what is it, sir?
KING WIBLET
It’s a human, Susan. Just like you.
CASEY
What?!?!! It can’t possibly be human! Look how tiny it is! It can’t even talk! It can’t even stand up!!!
SUSAN
Due respect, your Majesty, but Casey’s right. This… thing, it’s nothing like us!
KING WIBLET
It’s a very young human, my dear, but human it is indeed.
SUSAN
Sir, I… I’m sorry, but I think I would remember if I’d ever been that small.
KING WIBLET
Tell me, Susan, how old are you?
SUSAN
I’m eighteen, Majesty.
KING WIBLET
And last year? How old were you last year?
SUSAN
(stares at him as though he was crazy)
….Eighteen?
KING WIBLET
And the year before that?
SUSAN
Eighteen. Sir, I’m eighteen years old, that’s… that’s how old I am, it’s not going to change!
KING WIBLET
Ah, but it was not always so.
SUSAN
What do you mean, Majesty?
KING WIBLET
My children, have I ever told you the story of how this world we live in came to be?
SUSAN & CASEY
No.
KING WIBLET
Well then. It’s about time you knew. Make yourselves comfortable.
King Wiblet continues to speak in voiceover, over a cartoon illustrating everything he’s saying.
KING WIBLET (V.O.)
Once upon a time, the gnome people were thieves. Scavengers.
We see many tiny green gnomes, all in caveman gear, grunting and fighting over a sock on top of a dryer. They’re whacking each other over the head with clubs and punching each other in the face and otherwise being generally uncivilized.
KING WIBLET (V.O.)
Oh, it was chaos. There was no king, and there was no rule of law. My poor people were savages!
One cartoon gnome kills another one, and all the others cheer. He then grabs the sock, and the rest of the gnomes pounce on him.
KING WIBLET (V.O.)
The gnomes had nothing of their own, and the envied the possessions of the human race with all their being, particularly the socks.
A gnome lair. One gnome holds up a sock, while the others ooh and aaah.
KING WIBLET (V.O.)
Their envy corrupted their tiny hearts, and by night the gnomes would sneak into the human houses, and steal every last sock from human drawers and dryers, stealing even from each other!
Many gnomes stealing socks, and then fighting over them.
KING WIBLET (V.O.)
My people had no homes, and so they dwelled under human floorboards and in the back parts of human silverware drawers, each gnome carefully guarding his hoarded socks.
A gnome huddles in a stack of spoons, petting a sock.. A pair of tiny eyes blink at him out of he darkness and he stares around suspiciously.
KING WIBLET (V.O.)
There was no trust. There was no love. There was only greed, and envy, and violence.
The eyes move forward, and another gnome emerges from the shadows, and stabs the first gnome to death with a fork, and steals his sock.
KING WIBLET (V.O.)
My children, you cannot imagine the bloodshed! It was into this world that I was born.
A gnome mother is holding a tiny gnome baby. She sees a sock on the floor, and puts the baby down to go get the sock.
KING WIBLET (V.O.)
My own mother was a victim of the senseless gnome-on-gnome violence of those days.
The mother gnome is beaten with a club, while the baby huddles in a corner, hiding.
SUSAN (V.O.)
I’m so sorry, sir.
KING WIBLET (V.O.)
Thank you, my child. Now, from a very young age, I knew that something had to change. My people were eating themselves alive!
A gnome chews on his own leg.
KING WIBLET (V.O.)
Not literally, of course.
The leg-chewing gnome looks guiltily at the camera, and then scampers off.
KING WIBLET (V.O.)
When I got a bit older, I started a movement. I tried to spread the word of peace and order, trust and mutual respect.
Young King Wiblet, wearing a beret, stands on a wooden stage, giving a fiery speech to a nearly-empty room.
KING WIBLET (V.O.)
Nobody listened.
A dejected Young Wiblet wanders down an alley, kicking a tiny ball of string, raveling it up as he goes.
KING WIBLET (V.O.)
I was an outcast. Alone. Miserable. It was then that I realized the source of my people’s problems!
Young King Wiblet kicks his bit of string up to its source, which is of course a sock. He stares at it in awe, then drops to his knees to pet it.
KING WIBLET (V.O.)
Rather than let myself be tempted, as my fellow gnomes had been, I began to formulate a plan. I began organizing my movement once again, from the ground up.
Young King Wiblet passes out flyers and talks to teenagery-looking gnomes in a montage.
KING WIBLET (V.O.)
It was a grassroots organization the like of which my people had never seen! I had a massive following!
CASEY (V.O.)
How did you do it?
Young King Wiblet leads his followers to a treasure trove of socks. They run wild, as though they were in Willy Wonka’s factory.
KING WIBLET (V.O.)
I learned to communicate with the people, Casey. I earned their trust. And once I had it, they began recruiting more members, and more!
More flyers being passed out. Gnomes entering a large building are each given a tiny gnome-sized pair of socks at the door.
KING WIBLET (V.O.)
My speeches were packed. People were beginning to hear my message! But sadly, I could not reach the entirety of my people, and the covetous violence continued unabated.
More gnomes fighting over socks.
KING WIBLET (V.O.)
I came to realize that the only way I could save my people from sealing their own fate in greed was to separate them forever from the world of the humans.
SUSAN (V.O.)
I see…
CASEY (V.O.)
But how??
Young King Wiblet paces furiously back and forth in a tiny room, rolling his beret in his hands worriedly.
KING WIBLET (V.O.)
I thought long and hard about that. There is an ancient Gnomic prophecy, you see, stating that if all of gnomekind unite under one leader, the doorway to the Promised Land would open. The only problem was, there was no way for me to bring all of my people together peacefully at one time! Then it struck me.
CASEY (V.O.)
What?
We see a teeming crowd of gnomes standing under a giant neon sign that says “FREE SOCKS.”
KING WIBLET (V.O.)
Mutual trust and respect, my boy. Mutual trust and respect. The power of love is unstoppable once you get it going.
Young Wiblet walks on to the stage, and everyone in the crowd joins hands.
KING WIBLET (V.O.)
With all my people united there under one roof, I could feel the force of their love pouring into me!
A sparkly green mist starts to formulate over all the gnomes, and slowly flow into Young Wiblet, who begins to levitate.
KING WIBLET (V.O.)
Oh, my children, it was fantastic! I was lifted by the power of gnomekind’s peaceful union! Lifted clear up into the air! And when I opened my eyes, I looked down, and my people were flying with me, and we were flying together, flying through the air!
The entire gnome assembly tumble through a vortex.
KING WIBLET (V.O.)
We were dizzy with it! Swirling through the cosmos, on our way to the Promised Land! Oh, it was amazing! But then, just at the very last second! My children, I shudder to even think…
SUSAN (V.O.)
Yes?
CASEY (V.O.)
What?? Shudder to think what?!?
KING WIBLET (V.O.)
At the very last moment, one lone gnome released the hand of his neighbour.
Close-up of a gnome hand releasing another one. The gnome falls backwards through the vortex, screaming.
KING WIBLET (V.O.)
No one knows what terrible fate befell that gnome. I can’t bear the thought.
SUSAN (V.O.)
That’s terrible!
KING WIBLET (V.O.)
Never fear, my children. For we reached the Promised Land! And when we got there, we found that the nature of gnomekind had been transformed by our experience! We no longer wanted to fight!
Gnomes hugging and skipping through fields of dasies.
KING WIBLET (V.O.)
My vision had finally come to pass! Every gnome loved every other gnome, and we lived together in peace! Oh, it was beautiful. But of course, there was the nagging concern of the one gnome who had let go. Did he remain in the human world? Could we go back to get him?
SUSAN (V.O.)
Could you?
KING WIBLET (V.O.)
No, Susan, we couldn’t. We were all so new to the Promised Land, we had no idea how to cross back over. Still, we worried, and waited. Soon we started noticing strange things.
Two gnomes skip through a field, and stop at the sight of a giant tape dispenser. They stare at it, and circle it.
KING WIBLET (V.O.)
All manner of things from the human world began turning up, all over the Promised Land! I can tell you, my children, I was afraid. I thought they were omens, you see, omens saying that my people would return to their old ways.
CASEY (V.O.)
Did they?
KING WIBLET (V.O.)
Well, I didn’t know, did I? Until, one day, my people were faced with the ultimate test.
Two gnomes are hugging. The break apart, and look down, to see a sock on the ground between them. The stare at each other in terror.
KING WIBLET (V.O.)
My people were terrified. They came for me in swarms, fearing that the temptation would send them careening back into their habits of theft and murder!
A crowd flocks around Young King Wiblet. He holds up a hand for silence.
CASEY (V.O.)
What did you tell them?
YOUNG KING WIBLET
Gnomes! You come to me worried that the socks in our midst may cause greed, envy, and bloodshed to return to our hearts and minds. But gnomes! If you are worried, are you not already casting aside such wicked ways?
GNOME CROWD
(cheers)
YOUNG KING WIBLET
Today, we celebrate a victory! A victory over the troubles that plagued us in the human world!
GNOME CROWD
(cheers)
KING WIBLET (V.O.)
Their fears assuaged, my people decided to begin caring for the items that fell through from the human world into our new Promised Land.
Gnomes start sorting things into piles.
KING WIBLET (V.O.)
We tried sorting things alphabetically, but some items defied naming.
A gnome stares at a weird wind-up device, which starts whirring. He runs.
KING WIBLET (V.O.)
We tried sorting them according to the Dewey Decimal system, but nobody can understand that kind of claptrap.
A bunch of gnomes stare at a list of Dewey Decimal numbers, scratching their heads.
KING WIBLET (V.O.)
It was a disaster. And so, in the end, we decided to sort the items by colour, because it is prettiest that way.
We see King Wiblet surveying his now-colour-coordinated domain from atop a hill, and then we switch back to the image of King Wiblet on his throne, talking to Casey and Susan.
KING WIBLET
And my gnomes built me a lovely palace, and all of gnomekind agreed never to return to the human world, or the terrible violence under which we once lived.
CASEY
But that isn’t true at all, Hank still goes through to the human world to take socks, I’ve seen him with them!
KING WIBLET
(to Hank)
Is this true?
HANK
(chatters, ashamed)
KING WIBLET
You know what the punishment is for breaking the Gnomic Code, Hank.
HANK
(nods miserably)
KING WIBLET
I am very disappointed in you. Go downstairs into the palace. You’ll be dealt with.
Hank shoots Casey a dirty look, then heads back down into the palace.
CASEY
(mouthing)
Sorry!
SUSAN
Your Majesty, that was a very lovely story, but I’m afraid I don’t see what it has to do with us.
KING WIBLET
Well, my dear, how do you think you got here?
SUSAN
You’re saying we’re just….. someone in the human world’s lost things? Someone just lost us, like a… like a pen, or a pair of sunglasses?
KING WIBLET
These things happen.
CASEY
Wait, wait. So… before we came here, we lived in the human world??
KING WIBLET
Well, you certainly aren’t gnomes, are you?
SUSAN
But… but I don’t remember living in the human world!
CASEY
Neither do I!
SUSAN
We’ve always lived right here! Here in the Lost World, with you!
KING WIBLET
No, Susan. That is what I am telling you. You lived in the human world, but you were lost to them. You fell through, just like anything else.
CASEY
But why don’t we remember it?!
KING WIBLET
We thought it best.
SUSAN
You ERASED our MEMORIES?!?!
KING WIBLET
Don’t be hotheaded, my dear! Aren’t you happy!
SUSAN
I thought I was!!! Now I'm not sure of anything!
CASEY
(gesturing to the baby)
Did we really start off all… tiny and helpless like that?
KING WIBLET
You did.
CASEY
So… is that thing going to grow up and be a person, then?
KING WIBLET
No. There is no time here in the Lost World, which is why your age never changes.
CASEY
(scandalized)
Ages can change??
KING WIBLET
In the human world, they do. All the time.
SUSAN
Hold on, I’m still on you ERASED MY MEMORY?!?!?!
KING WIBLET
Susan, my child... The kinds of humans that fall far enough through the cracks of society in their world to come here… are you sure you want to remember?
SUSAN
I-… But-
CASEY
So… that thing-
KING WIBLET
Baby.
CASEY
That baby, it was supposed to grow up?
KING WIBLET
Yes.
CASEY
But… but now it won’t? Because it’s here?
KING WIBLET
Yes.
CASEY
You mean it’s just… going to stay that way?
KING WIBLET
Well… yes.
CASEY
That’s terrible!
SUSAN
Casey, do you just not even care that he-
CASEY
I’m sure it was for the best, Susan, think about the baby! We can’t let it just stay like this forever, all drooly and useless! Not when it was meant to grow up and walk and talk and… dance, and things!
SUSAN
Fine. Fine. What, exactly, do you propose we do about it? Hmm? Bring it back? Through the doorway everyone here is forbidden to go through? Brilliant idea, Casey. Just brilliant.
CASEY
All right, Susan, so you come up with something!
SUSAN
You know, maybe I would be able to, if my mind wasn’t all messed up on account of ALL MY MEMORIES BEING ERASED!
KING WIBLET
I’ve had quite enough of your ungrateful behaviour, Susan!
SUSAN
Have you?? Well, that’s-that’s just--- That’s just fabulous, that’s-aaagh!!
CASEY
Your Majesty, we HAVE to bring it back! We can’t just keep it here, stopping it from becoming a person, it isn’t fair!
KING WIBLET
You insolent sister is right, Casey. My people cannot return the baby to the human world.
CASEY
But-
KING WIBLET
No, Casey. I am sorry. You must care for the baby as it is.
CASEY
What, forever?
SUSAN
This is ridiculous. We can’t do this! We can’t just-Look, I'll-- I’ll take it.
CASEY
What???
SUSAN
I’ll take it. I’ll take it back. Maybe I can figure out what my past was while I’m there, since your Majesty thinks it’s so much better for me that I not know while I’m here.
CASEY
You can’t just leave! You’re-I need you!
SUSAN
No you don’t. King Wiblet can probably make you forget me anyway. I bet when you wake up tomorrow, you won’t even remember you had a sister!
CASEY
No!!!
KING WIBLET
Children, children! Calm down. We cannot have this kind of stress upsetting the delicate peaceful balance of the Promised Land!
SUSAN
No, of course not, that would never do.
KING WIBLET
Look... I will allow you to return the baby to the human world, on one condition.
SUSAN
Yes?
KING WIBLET
That, once you have completed this task, you return to the Lost World, and live happily once again in the land of the gnomes. Is it agreed?
SUSAN
I'm-- Fine. Fine. Sure.
CASEY
What? Your Majesty, you can’t really just let her leave me like that, can you?
KING WIBLET
It is the only way.
CASEY
Susan! Don’t go, you can’t go!
SUSAN
So come with me.
CASEY
What??
SUSAN
Come with me!
CASEY
But-our house! Our… our things! Our...all my boots are here! My monopoly pieces!
SUSAN
They’ll all be here when we get back.
CASEY
But…
SUSAN
(softer)
Please, Case?
CASEY
I-… B...but...
(bites his lip, thinking)
Yeah. Yeah, okay.
SUSAN
(squeezing his hand)
Thanks.
(turning to King Wiblet)
So how do we get there?
KING WIBLET
I cannot help you there. It is forbidden.
CASEY
But what if… Your Majesty, what about Hank?
KING WIBLET
Hank is a traitor, Casey.
CASEY
I know, but… Well, he knows the way. And… it’s not like he could get into any more trouble, right? And maybe… maybe if he does this, you could, possibly, forgive him?
KING WIBLET
(thinks for awhile, then shouts down the stairs)
BRING UP THE TRAITOR HANK!
Two ominously-dressed gnome guards drag Hank back up to the roof. He’s in shackles.
KING WIBLET
Hank, you are faced with high treason against all of gnomedom.
HANK
(chatters sadly)
KING WIBLET
I am offering you a chance to redeem yourself.
HANK
(perks up)
KING WIBLET
I am charging you with the mission of guiding Casey and Susan into the land of humans, to return the human baby. Do you understand?
HANK
(chatters, nodding)
KING WIBLET
Good. The condition of this charge is that you ensure, no matter what the circumstance, both of my human children are returned to me safely. Do you accept this mission?
HANK
(chatters excitedly, nodding and hopping up and down)
KING WIBLET
Excellent. Release the prisoner!
The guards unshackle Hank. He kicks the chains off, does a little dance, and sticks his tongue out at them. They retreat, and he takes a flying leap off the roof of the palace and onto Casey’s shoulder. Casey pets him comfortingly.
KING WIBLET
I wish you the best of luck.
The elevator-platform sounds again, and King Wiblet’s throne is slowly lowered back into the palace again.
EXT.- BALLOON PILE
BALLOON
(turning to camera)
It’s human instinct to seek help when faced with the unfamiliar, which is entirely unlike the balloon instinct to deflate slowly over a course of several weeks.
(the balloon pauses to think)
I suppose there’s something to be said for the human way, really.
EXT.- A MASSIVE PALACE MADE OF ODDS AND ENDS, WITH A RECURRING THEME OF SOCKS.
We slowly pan down from the palace to see Susan, Casey, and Hank standing in front of the door, which is much too small for either of the humans to get through. Susan is holding the baby, who is now gagged with Casey’s pink scarf.
HANK
(chatters)
CASEY
Yeah, do it.
Hank hops off Casey’s shoulder and runs into the palace.
CASEY
He’s going to get King Wiblet.
SUSAN
(holding up the baby)
Are you sure this isn’t hurting it?
CASEY
Look, he isn’t crying anymore, is he?
SUSAN
Actually, I think he’s sleeping.
CASEY
See? There you go! How bad could it be?
SUSAN
Yeah, but I just-
Susan is interrupted by the sound of an elevator platform. Very slowly, a green creature in a crown made of baby socks (King Wiblet) rises up onto the roof, sitting in a throne made from socks and silverware. Hank is standing beside him.
KING WIBLET
(chatters, in a voice deeper than Hank’s)
SUSAN & CASEY
(bowing)
Majesty.
KING WIBLET
(chatters)
CASEY
Could you-I’m sorry, sir, but Susan can’t understand you unless you speak English, so…
KING WIBLET
Ah. I remember. For you, Susan, my child, I will speak the lowly language of humans.
SUSAN
Thank you, Majesty.
KING WIBLET
My loyal servant Hank tells me that my human children have a quandary to present?
SUSAN
(holding up the baby)
It’s this creature, sir. It fell through with the rest of the things for sorting this morning, and it-
KING WIBLET
Take that ridiculous decoration off its face, my dear, I can’t see the thing at all.
SUSAN
Yes, sir.
Susan starts to remove the scarf from the baby’s face, but Casey grabs her wrist.
CASEY
(whispering)
Are you sure it’s safe?
SUSAN
(whispering)
I told you, it’s asleep!
CASEY
What if it starts crying again?
SUSAN
Casey! King Wiblet told me to untie the thing, are you gonna argue with him?
CASEY
Okay, okay…
Susan unties the baby and holds it up for King Wiblet to see.
KING WIBLET
Ahhhhh, yes. I see it now. Yes, indeed, my children, it was only a matter of time before such a thing came through to our world.
SUSAN
What… what is it, sir?
KING WIBLET
It’s a human, Susan. Just like you.
CASEY
What?!?!! It can’t possibly be human! Look how tiny it is! It can’t even talk! It can’t even stand up!!!
SUSAN
Due respect, your Majesty, but Casey’s right. This… thing, it’s nothing like us!
KING WIBLET
It’s a very young human, my dear, but human it is indeed.
SUSAN
Sir, I… I’m sorry, but I think I would remember if I’d ever been that small.
KING WIBLET
Tell me, Susan, how old are you?
SUSAN
I’m eighteen, Majesty.
KING WIBLET
And last year? How old were you last year?
SUSAN
(stares at him as though he was crazy)
….Eighteen?
KING WIBLET
And the year before that?
SUSAN
Eighteen. Sir, I’m eighteen years old, that’s… that’s how old I am, it’s not going to change!
KING WIBLET
Ah, but it was not always so.
SUSAN
What do you mean, Majesty?
KING WIBLET
My children, have I ever told you the story of how this world we live in came to be?
SUSAN & CASEY
No.
KING WIBLET
Well then. It’s about time you knew. Make yourselves comfortable.
King Wiblet continues to speak in voiceover, over a cartoon illustrating everything he’s saying.
KING WIBLET (V.O.)
Once upon a time, the gnome people were thieves. Scavengers.
We see many tiny green gnomes, all in caveman gear, grunting and fighting over a sock on top of a dryer. They’re whacking each other over the head with clubs and punching each other in the face and otherwise being generally uncivilized.
KING WIBLET (V.O.)
Oh, it was chaos. There was no king, and there was no rule of law. My poor people were savages!
One cartoon gnome kills another one, and all the others cheer. He then grabs the sock, and the rest of the gnomes pounce on him.
KING WIBLET (V.O.)
The gnomes had nothing of their own, and the envied the possessions of the human race with all their being, particularly the socks.
A gnome lair. One gnome holds up a sock, while the others ooh and aaah.
KING WIBLET (V.O.)
Their envy corrupted their tiny hearts, and by night the gnomes would sneak into the human houses, and steal every last sock from human drawers and dryers, stealing even from each other!
Many gnomes stealing socks, and then fighting over them.
KING WIBLET (V.O.)
My people had no homes, and so they dwelled under human floorboards and in the back parts of human silverware drawers, each gnome carefully guarding his hoarded socks.
A gnome huddles in a stack of spoons, petting a sock.. A pair of tiny eyes blink at him out of he darkness and he stares around suspiciously.
KING WIBLET (V.O.)
There was no trust. There was no love. There was only greed, and envy, and violence.
The eyes move forward, and another gnome emerges from the shadows, and stabs the first gnome to death with a fork, and steals his sock.
KING WIBLET (V.O.)
My children, you cannot imagine the bloodshed! It was into this world that I was born.
A gnome mother is holding a tiny gnome baby. She sees a sock on the floor, and puts the baby down to go get the sock.
KING WIBLET (V.O.)
My own mother was a victim of the senseless gnome-on-gnome violence of those days.
The mother gnome is beaten with a club, while the baby huddles in a corner, hiding.
SUSAN (V.O.)
I’m so sorry, sir.
KING WIBLET (V.O.)
Thank you, my child. Now, from a very young age, I knew that something had to change. My people were eating themselves alive!
A gnome chews on his own leg.
KING WIBLET (V.O.)
Not literally, of course.
The leg-chewing gnome looks guiltily at the camera, and then scampers off.
KING WIBLET (V.O.)
When I got a bit older, I started a movement. I tried to spread the word of peace and order, trust and mutual respect.
Young King Wiblet, wearing a beret, stands on a wooden stage, giving a fiery speech to a nearly-empty room.
KING WIBLET (V.O.)
Nobody listened.
A dejected Young Wiblet wanders down an alley, kicking a tiny ball of string, raveling it up as he goes.
KING WIBLET (V.O.)
I was an outcast. Alone. Miserable. It was then that I realized the source of my people’s problems!
Young King Wiblet kicks his bit of string up to its source, which is of course a sock. He stares at it in awe, then drops to his knees to pet it.
KING WIBLET (V.O.)
Rather than let myself be tempted, as my fellow gnomes had been, I began to formulate a plan. I began organizing my movement once again, from the ground up.
Young King Wiblet passes out flyers and talks to teenagery-looking gnomes in a montage.
KING WIBLET (V.O.)
It was a grassroots organization the like of which my people had never seen! I had a massive following!
CASEY (V.O.)
How did you do it?
Young King Wiblet leads his followers to a treasure trove of socks. They run wild, as though they were in Willy Wonka’s factory.
KING WIBLET (V.O.)
I learned to communicate with the people, Casey. I earned their trust. And once I had it, they began recruiting more members, and more!
More flyers being passed out. Gnomes entering a large building are each given a tiny gnome-sized pair of socks at the door.
KING WIBLET (V.O.)
My speeches were packed. People were beginning to hear my message! But sadly, I could not reach the entirety of my people, and the covetous violence continued unabated.
More gnomes fighting over socks.
KING WIBLET (V.O.)
I came to realize that the only way I could save my people from sealing their own fate in greed was to separate them forever from the world of the humans.
SUSAN (V.O.)
I see…
CASEY (V.O.)
But how??
Young King Wiblet paces furiously back and forth in a tiny room, rolling his beret in his hands worriedly.
KING WIBLET (V.O.)
I thought long and hard about that. There is an ancient Gnomic prophecy, you see, stating that if all of gnomekind unite under one leader, the doorway to the Promised Land would open. The only problem was, there was no way for me to bring all of my people together peacefully at one time! Then it struck me.
CASEY (V.O.)
What?
We see a teeming crowd of gnomes standing under a giant neon sign that says “FREE SOCKS.”
KING WIBLET (V.O.)
Mutual trust and respect, my boy. Mutual trust and respect. The power of love is unstoppable once you get it going.
Young Wiblet walks on to the stage, and everyone in the crowd joins hands.
KING WIBLET (V.O.)
With all my people united there under one roof, I could feel the force of their love pouring into me!
A sparkly green mist starts to formulate over all the gnomes, and slowly flow into Young Wiblet, who begins to levitate.
KING WIBLET (V.O.)
Oh, my children, it was fantastic! I was lifted by the power of gnomekind’s peaceful union! Lifted clear up into the air! And when I opened my eyes, I looked down, and my people were flying with me, and we were flying together, flying through the air!
The entire gnome assembly tumble through a vortex.
KING WIBLET (V.O.)
We were dizzy with it! Swirling through the cosmos, on our way to the Promised Land! Oh, it was amazing! But then, just at the very last second! My children, I shudder to even think…
SUSAN (V.O.)
Yes?
CASEY (V.O.)
What?? Shudder to think what?!?
KING WIBLET (V.O.)
At the very last moment, one lone gnome released the hand of his neighbour.
Close-up of a gnome hand releasing another one. The gnome falls backwards through the vortex, screaming.
KING WIBLET (V.O.)
No one knows what terrible fate befell that gnome. I can’t bear the thought.
SUSAN (V.O.)
That’s terrible!
KING WIBLET (V.O.)
Never fear, my children. For we reached the Promised Land! And when we got there, we found that the nature of gnomekind had been transformed by our experience! We no longer wanted to fight!
Gnomes hugging and skipping through fields of dasies.
KING WIBLET (V.O.)
My vision had finally come to pass! Every gnome loved every other gnome, and we lived together in peace! Oh, it was beautiful. But of course, there was the nagging concern of the one gnome who had let go. Did he remain in the human world? Could we go back to get him?
SUSAN (V.O.)
Could you?
KING WIBLET (V.O.)
No, Susan, we couldn’t. We were all so new to the Promised Land, we had no idea how to cross back over. Still, we worried, and waited. Soon we started noticing strange things.
Two gnomes skip through a field, and stop at the sight of a giant tape dispenser. They stare at it, and circle it.
KING WIBLET (V.O.)
All manner of things from the human world began turning up, all over the Promised Land! I can tell you, my children, I was afraid. I thought they were omens, you see, omens saying that my people would return to their old ways.
CASEY (V.O.)
Did they?
KING WIBLET (V.O.)
Well, I didn’t know, did I? Until, one day, my people were faced with the ultimate test.
Two gnomes are hugging. The break apart, and look down, to see a sock on the ground between them. The stare at each other in terror.
KING WIBLET (V.O.)
My people were terrified. They came for me in swarms, fearing that the temptation would send them careening back into their habits of theft and murder!
A crowd flocks around Young King Wiblet. He holds up a hand for silence.
CASEY (V.O.)
What did you tell them?
YOUNG KING WIBLET
Gnomes! You come to me worried that the socks in our midst may cause greed, envy, and bloodshed to return to our hearts and minds. But gnomes! If you are worried, are you not already casting aside such wicked ways?
GNOME CROWD
(cheers)
YOUNG KING WIBLET
Today, we celebrate a victory! A victory over the troubles that plagued us in the human world!
GNOME CROWD
(cheers)
KING WIBLET (V.O.)
Their fears assuaged, my people decided to begin caring for the items that fell through from the human world into our new Promised Land.
Gnomes start sorting things into piles.
KING WIBLET (V.O.)
We tried sorting things alphabetically, but some items defied naming.
A gnome stares at a weird wind-up device, which starts whirring. He runs.
KING WIBLET (V.O.)
We tried sorting them according to the Dewey Decimal system, but nobody can understand that kind of claptrap.
A bunch of gnomes stare at a list of Dewey Decimal numbers, scratching their heads.
KING WIBLET (V.O.)
It was a disaster. And so, in the end, we decided to sort the items by colour, because it is prettiest that way.
We see King Wiblet surveying his now-colour-coordinated domain from atop a hill, and then we switch back to the image of King Wiblet on his throne, talking to Casey and Susan.
KING WIBLET
And my gnomes built me a lovely palace, and all of gnomekind agreed never to return to the human world, or the terrible violence under which we once lived.
CASEY
But that isn’t true at all, Hank still goes through to the human world to take socks, I’ve seen him with them!
KING WIBLET
(to Hank)
Is this true?
HANK
(chatters, ashamed)
KING WIBLET
You know what the punishment is for breaking the Gnomic Code, Hank.
HANK
(nods miserably)
KING WIBLET
I am very disappointed in you. Go downstairs into the palace. You’ll be dealt with.
Hank shoots Casey a dirty look, then heads back down into the palace.
CASEY
(mouthing)
Sorry!
SUSAN
Your Majesty, that was a very lovely story, but I’m afraid I don’t see what it has to do with us.
KING WIBLET
Well, my dear, how do you think you got here?
SUSAN
You’re saying we’re just….. someone in the human world’s lost things? Someone just lost us, like a… like a pen, or a pair of sunglasses?
KING WIBLET
These things happen.
CASEY
Wait, wait. So… before we came here, we lived in the human world??
KING WIBLET
Well, you certainly aren’t gnomes, are you?
SUSAN
But… but I don’t remember living in the human world!
CASEY
Neither do I!
SUSAN
We’ve always lived right here! Here in the Lost World, with you!
KING WIBLET
No, Susan. That is what I am telling you. You lived in the human world, but you were lost to them. You fell through, just like anything else.
CASEY
But why don’t we remember it?!
KING WIBLET
We thought it best.
SUSAN
You ERASED our MEMORIES?!?!
KING WIBLET
Don’t be hotheaded, my dear! Aren’t you happy!
SUSAN
I thought I was!!! Now I'm not sure of anything!
CASEY
(gesturing to the baby)
Did we really start off all… tiny and helpless like that?
KING WIBLET
You did.
CASEY
So… is that thing going to grow up and be a person, then?
KING WIBLET
No. There is no time here in the Lost World, which is why your age never changes.
CASEY
(scandalized)
Ages can change??
KING WIBLET
In the human world, they do. All the time.
SUSAN
Hold on, I’m still on you ERASED MY MEMORY?!?!?!
KING WIBLET
Susan, my child... The kinds of humans that fall far enough through the cracks of society in their world to come here… are you sure you want to remember?
SUSAN
I-… But-
CASEY
So… that thing-
KING WIBLET
Baby.
CASEY
That baby, it was supposed to grow up?
KING WIBLET
Yes.
CASEY
But… but now it won’t? Because it’s here?
KING WIBLET
Yes.
CASEY
You mean it’s just… going to stay that way?
KING WIBLET
Well… yes.
CASEY
That’s terrible!
SUSAN
Casey, do you just not even care that he-
CASEY
I’m sure it was for the best, Susan, think about the baby! We can’t let it just stay like this forever, all drooly and useless! Not when it was meant to grow up and walk and talk and… dance, and things!
SUSAN
Fine. Fine. What, exactly, do you propose we do about it? Hmm? Bring it back? Through the doorway everyone here is forbidden to go through? Brilliant idea, Casey. Just brilliant.
CASEY
All right, Susan, so you come up with something!
SUSAN
You know, maybe I would be able to, if my mind wasn’t all messed up on account of ALL MY MEMORIES BEING ERASED!
KING WIBLET
I’ve had quite enough of your ungrateful behaviour, Susan!
SUSAN
Have you?? Well, that’s-that’s just--- That’s just fabulous, that’s-aaagh!!
CASEY
Your Majesty, we HAVE to bring it back! We can’t just keep it here, stopping it from becoming a person, it isn’t fair!
KING WIBLET
You insolent sister is right, Casey. My people cannot return the baby to the human world.
CASEY
But-
KING WIBLET
No, Casey. I am sorry. You must care for the baby as it is.
CASEY
What, forever?
SUSAN
This is ridiculous. We can’t do this! We can’t just-Look, I'll-- I’ll take it.
CASEY
What???
SUSAN
I’ll take it. I’ll take it back. Maybe I can figure out what my past was while I’m there, since your Majesty thinks it’s so much better for me that I not know while I’m here.
CASEY
You can’t just leave! You’re-I need you!
SUSAN
No you don’t. King Wiblet can probably make you forget me anyway. I bet when you wake up tomorrow, you won’t even remember you had a sister!
CASEY
No!!!
KING WIBLET
Children, children! Calm down. We cannot have this kind of stress upsetting the delicate peaceful balance of the Promised Land!
SUSAN
No, of course not, that would never do.
KING WIBLET
Look... I will allow you to return the baby to the human world, on one condition.
SUSAN
Yes?
KING WIBLET
That, once you have completed this task, you return to the Lost World, and live happily once again in the land of the gnomes. Is it agreed?
SUSAN
I'm-- Fine. Fine. Sure.
CASEY
What? Your Majesty, you can’t really just let her leave me like that, can you?
KING WIBLET
It is the only way.
CASEY
Susan! Don’t go, you can’t go!
SUSAN
So come with me.
CASEY
What??
SUSAN
Come with me!
CASEY
But-our house! Our… our things! Our...all my boots are here! My monopoly pieces!
SUSAN
They’ll all be here when we get back.
CASEY
But…
SUSAN
(softer)
Please, Case?
CASEY
I-… B...but...
(bites his lip, thinking)
Yeah. Yeah, okay.
SUSAN
(squeezing his hand)
Thanks.
(turning to King Wiblet)
So how do we get there?
KING WIBLET
I cannot help you there. It is forbidden.
CASEY
But what if… Your Majesty, what about Hank?
KING WIBLET
Hank is a traitor, Casey.
CASEY
I know, but… Well, he knows the way. And… it’s not like he could get into any more trouble, right? And maybe… maybe if he does this, you could, possibly, forgive him?
KING WIBLET
(thinks for awhile, then shouts down the stairs)
BRING UP THE TRAITOR HANK!
Two ominously-dressed gnome guards drag Hank back up to the roof. He’s in shackles.
KING WIBLET
Hank, you are faced with high treason against all of gnomedom.
HANK
(chatters sadly)
KING WIBLET
I am offering you a chance to redeem yourself.
HANK
(perks up)
KING WIBLET
I am charging you with the mission of guiding Casey and Susan into the land of humans, to return the human baby. Do you understand?
HANK
(chatters, nodding)
KING WIBLET
Good. The condition of this charge is that you ensure, no matter what the circumstance, both of my human children are returned to me safely. Do you accept this mission?
HANK
(chatters excitedly, nodding and hopping up and down)
KING WIBLET
Excellent. Release the prisoner!
The guards unshackle Hank. He kicks the chains off, does a little dance, and sticks his tongue out at them. They retreat, and he takes a flying leap off the roof of the palace and onto Casey’s shoulder. Casey pets him comfortingly.
KING WIBLET
I wish you the best of luck.
The elevator-platform sounds again, and King Wiblet’s throne is slowly lowered back into the palace again.