[DBSK] - [FIC] [C] Xiahcognition
Disclaimer: clearly i don't own the boys... not intended for profit, just for fun.
Rating: PG (mentions of r-rated happenings)
Genre: fluff
People: all five boys plus extra kim!siblings~
Pairings: none (sort of OT5-family)
Warnings: silliness? does that deserve a warning?
Beta: miyun
Author’s Notes: Set in Korea, sometime maybe around 2008 or 2009-ish? Haha. But in my world, HoSuMin still share a room. Lol. Sisters’ names were taken from an oldass interview with Jaejoong and I just took the last four that he named using the assumption that he had named them in order of oldest to youngest (but knowing him, he was quite random about it). ^O^;;;
Junsu developed super powers on a sunny Wednesday afternoon in June.
He was sitting by himself after his round of solo shots, minding his own business, when one of the giant softbox lights gave up the good fight and committed murder/suicide by leaping over and crashing into its brother light fixture.
Exactly the way Junsu had imagined it.
“Wow,” he breathed. “I think I can move stuff with my mind.”
Unfortunately, the pretty stylist with the D-cups did not spontaneously have her clothes blown off by the giant wind machine, so Junsu thought maybe the thing with the light stands was a freak coincidence and it had nothing to do with him having special abilities.
When the stylist tattled on him to Yunho about the way he was staring at her, Junsu was certain that he really must not have any super powers whatsoever. Surely someone with even just an inkling of super powers would have been able to forestall that bit of nonsense. And now he was going to have to endure hours of pitying looks from the group daddy and mommy (because Yunho was sure to tell Jaejoong that Junsu was pining for female contact), and Yoochun was going to try to force him out to get laid by some potentially diseased chick in the back room of a club (because Jaejoong was sure to tell his soulmate that Junsu was drooling PERVILY over their stylist), and Changmin, oh Changmin… his brain hurt to think about it.
“Junsu, Junsu! I think see smoke coming out of your ears!”
Junsu quickly clapped both hands over his ears just in case Changmin was right (what with his possible new mental powers being on the fritz).
Changmin smirked at him.
“What’s up, kid? You’re sulking so hard that astronauts can see your pout from outer space,” said Yoochun, coming over to check on the children as directed by Yunho.
Junsu blinked at him, eyes comically wide.
And Changmin reached over to pull one of Junsu’s hands away from the side of his head.
“He asked you why you were sulking, you dumbass.”
Wrenching free of Changmin’s hold, Junsu inadvertently slapped Yoochun in the nose.
Now, truth be told, it really had been an accident, but this was actually something that he’d envisioned many times. In great detail. As a matter of fact, just two seconds ago when Yoochun first looked his way Junsu had the sudden thought to whack him in the nose. And he’d seen this very exact same scene play out in his mind’s eye.
“I think I can see into the future!” he shouted, beaming.
Yoochun, with both hands clasped over his throbbing nose, tried to cuff Junsu upside the head with his elbow.
“Hey! No fighting in public.” Yunho bodily hauled Yoochun away by the hips. “And Junsu, stop goading the others.”
But instead of paying his leader any mind, Junsu turned to Changmin and said: “Ah ha! I totally knew that hyung was going to step in at that exact moment. I didn’t even try to duck Yoochunnie, did you see?”
This time Changmin reached out and actually cuffed Junsu upside the head.
“Ow! Hyung, he hit me for no reason!”
But unfortunately for Junsu, while Yunho was a total sucker for his cutie face, the leader was also a total failure at disciplining their magnae because he was The Magnae. Which meant that all Changmin got was a slightly reproachful glare.
“I want Jaejoong-hyung,” Junsu groused. “He’s going to come out from the dressing room and totally punch you in the arm so hard you’re going to fall over.”
“Did you have a vision about that too?”
“Sarcarsm is not charming on you.” Junsu turned his back on Yoochun. “Besides, you don’t need to have special powers to predict that one. Anyone with half a brain knows that Jaejoong is going to hit Changmin as soon as he sees him.”
Changmin’s eyebrows practically crawled up into his hairline.
“REALLY.”
“The hair noona told him she had to use up all the soft-hold mousse on your hair, so there was none left for him.”
Changmin’s gaze shifted to the nearest exit and Yunho took a step forward to position himself between Jaejoong’s predicted point of entry and Changmin’s planned point of egress.
“But what I can tell you with my extra special powers,” said Junsu, “is that you’re not going to be able to escape it. So you might as well steel yourself and just take it like a man.”
As if Junsu’s words had conjured their hyung up out of thin air, Jaejoong made his presence known by leaping over a chair and slamming his fist into Changmin’s upper arm. The two of them toppled to the ground together, just as Junsu had said they would.
Humming happily to himself, Junsu wandered off to find their ride home. Behind him, he could hear the sounds of Yunho trying to break up the wrestling match by telling Jaejoong that his hair was getting poofy and Yoochun whining that his nose was swollen so could Yunho PLEASE take a look at it NOW.
Maybe it wasn’t quite as useful as being able to move things with his mind, but Junsu thought that this seeing into the future thing was very rewarding in its own way.
On the way home, Changmin apparently got bored and decided to poke at things that were best left unpoked.
“Junsu, hyuuuuung, please tell me, all-knowing-guru, what do you see in my future?”
Jaejoong hit him again, but Changmin continued to do his best “wide-eyed-innocence” impression for Junsu.
Junsu closed his eyes and concentrated really, really hard for a minute.
“I see Jaejoong-hyung cooking us a really huge and elaborate dinner! More than just ramyeon or even kimchi jjigae!”
This time Jaejoong hit Junsu. Really, really hard. And repeatedly for a whole minute.
“Why the hell do you say shit like that?” he hissed. “Don’t get Changmin’s hopes up! If I don’t deliver, he’s going to eat me in my sleep!” Jaejoong rolled up his shirt sleeve and shoved his forearm under Junsu’s nose. “Do you see this bite mark? This is from the last time I said I was going to make barbequed meat but couldn’t get to the supermarket before closing. He bit me and CHEWED. IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT.”
Changmin turned a mournful expression on Yunho.
“But hyung shouldn’t have lied to me, right? He deserved to be punished.”
Yunho patted Changmin’s hair with one hand and Jaejoong’s shoulder with the other.
Junsu just smiled brightly and turned to poke Yoochun in the forehead until he woke up to sing a duet with him.
“I’m not cooking tonight,” Jaejoong announced to the van-ful of people. “Whatever the hell Junsu just spewed out, that wasn’t me. I made no promises. Therefore I am not reneging or lying when I say that I, Kim Jaejoong, will absolutely not under any circumstances be cooking tonight. Ask me what’s for dinner. I will give you a takeout menu. What are you cooking tonight, hyung? The answer is NOTHING.”
Junsu and Yoochun sang louder to drown him out. Changmin ate some crackers. And Yunho tried to crawl in between the front seats to sit with their manager and driver.
When they arrived back at their apartment, the Dong Bang family was surprised to see another family waiting inside for them. The four youngest Kim sisters plus one Kim brother were in the kitchen with bags and bags of groceries.
“Surprise!” they shouted.
Junsu waved and bowed politely to the girls before dashing through the crowd and pulling his brother into the bathroom.
“Hyunnnng!” He slammed the door shut behind them. “Jaejoong is totally going to murder you when you tell him that you’re dating Sooyoung-noona and that you got his sisters here to act as your backup because you’re a wuss. But good on you for being so wussy and still getting an older woman! Please don’t tell me about the sex because it’s totally gross that your first time is going to be on a kitchen table…oh God… it’s going to be on *our* kitchen table. Why did I give you a key to this apartment? I wonder if by telling you this I can change the future so that you can, you know, do it in a bed like a normal person. Not my bed, by the way.”
Junho grabbed Junsu by the face and smooshed his cheeks together until he couldn’t talk properly anymore.
“If you love me at all you’re going to stop talking right now and think deep thoughts on breathing between sentences, okay?” He refused to let go until Junsu nodded solemnly. “I told you, Sooyoung and I just went for coffee a couple times, that’s all. We’re not dating. We’re not even ‘unofficially’ dating. So there’s no sex at all. And I would never do anything on your kitchen table. That’s creepy. People have to eat there.”
“But, hyung, I saw it happen in my mind! Oh yeah, did I tell you? I can see into the future now. So whatever I see, it happens for real, and I saw you and Sooyoung-noona all over our table-”
Junho clapped his hand over Junsu’s mouth this time.
“Who’s been letting you watch R-rated American movies again?”
Junsu’s gaze shifted to the left.
“No. Bad Junsu.”
Junsu cast a doleful look up at his brother, but Junho had had twenty-two years of not caving to Junsu’s little puppy face.
“Stop it.” He shook Junsu a little bit. “I was here waiting for you to come home when the noonas dropped by to surprise you guys with dinner. There is no conspiracy to tell Jaejoong anything about me and Sooyoung-noona because there is nothing to tell, okay?”
Junsu started to protest but Junho shook him again until he relented.
A couple minutes later two red-faced, sheepish-looking Kim brothers exited the bathroom and, when asked about what they were doing in there, TOGETHER, mumbled in unison something about how Junho was teaching Junsu a super secret ultra technique to kick Changmin’s pants in the next Dong Bang Tekken Tournament.
But no one was really paying them any mind because the other Kim siblings were totally holding court in the kitchen.
Yoosun had apparently convinced Yoochun to stay for dinner by hand-feeding him strips of red bell pepper and sneaking him samples of the first pieces of sizzling meat as they finished cooking. Ahyoung and Sooyoung were licking gochujang off each other’s fingers, which had completely captivated Changmin. And they were just reaching for the miso paste when the Kim brothers came back from the bathroom. Junsu left his biological brother in the “ogling” pile and went instead to join his group brother in the “getting sneaky snacks” pile.
As it went, Minkyung and Jaejoong ended up being the only ones actually doing any cooking, but they were laughing and cheering on the antics of their sisters, while Yunho did his best to get underfoot as he pretended to help out.
The meal that emerged from the chaotic kitchen was a gorgeous feast of bright colours, tempting aromas, and fabulous flavours. There was definitely more home-cooked food on the table than the Dong Bang boys had seen in a long time, especially in their apartment. Junsu didn’t want to gloat in front of the girls (also just in case his super powers were supposed to be kept secret) so he just shot Jaejoong a Significant Look.
Very deliberately, Jaejoong turned away from him to plate some food for Changmin before the magnae embarrassed them all with his hoarding habit. Changmin smiled so hard his right eye completely disappeared in a crinkle.
“Huh…” said Yunho.
“That’s weird…” said Yoochun.
But Jaejoong stuffed a dumpling in each of their mouths before they could fully vocalize what they were thinking.
After dinner, everyone who hadn’t helped with the cooking started to clean up. This included the girls who’d been teasing Junho and Changmin.
Sooyoung reached down the length of the table to grab the last cup but her arm wasn’t quite long enough. Unfortunately, the slight brush of her fingertips against the rim was just enough to knock it over and send it rolling away from her. Eager to keep it from falling and breaking, she lunged across the table to catch it. Coincidentally, Junho, with his own lightning fast reflexes, also surged across the table to reach for the escaping cup… except… he had actually been standing behind Sooyoung… such that it now looked like he was bending her over the table.
“So this is what I saw in my vision,” said Junsu, his mouth open in a little ‘o’ of wonder.
Junho looked over at his brother in surprise, seeming to forget all about his compromising body position.
“You thought we would have sex on your dining table fully clothed?” he blurted out.
Shrugging, Junsu replied: “Well, how am I supposed to know how people do it over a table? In the movies they always look like they’re fully clothed when they’re, you know...” He fluttered his hand in their general direction, trying to for some vague gesture that could have meant “doing the horizontal tango” or “airing out your stinky fart”.
Jaejoong looked like he was going to pop a blood vessel.
“Wait. What? Junho and Sooyoung-noona are going to have sex on our table?”
Yunho turned a murderous glare on Yoochun.
“Have you ever made any situation BETTER by opening your big mouth?”
Yoochun flashed an awkward smile and then hid behind Changmin.
“Junsu said he had a ‘vision’ of Sooyoung-noona and I having sex (or so he thought) on this table, so he was convinced that it was going to happen in real life because he believes he can see into the future, and he was worried that Jaejoong-hyung was going to kill me for it,” Junho explained in a calm voice. “Except now he says that this is what he saw, so clearly while we are indeed splayed over the table, we are not having sex in any way, shape or-”
“GET OFF MY SISTER, YOU PERVERT!”
Junho scrambled to regain his balance and scuttled backwards until he was huddled up against the wall.
Yunho sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.
Junsu just stood there, blinking owlishly at everyone.
“Let’s get the cake,” he said suddenly.
“WHAT CAKE?” bellowed Jaejoong.
Yoosun, being the oldest there, asked Jaejoong to kindly use his inside voice. She then grabbed the errant cup, righted her baby sister, and took both of them into the kitchen to get started on the dishes. Ahyoung and Minkyung looked from Jaejoong’s splotchy face, to Junsu’s blank, cheerful smile, to Junho’s frightened expression, and decided to excuse themselves from the party for a bit to go buy some drinks at the convenience store.
They took Changmin with them because he was obviously too young for this kind of thing.
Not five minutes after the three left the Dong Bang apartment, they returned… bearing a large cake box.
“We met your manager in the lobby. He said it’s a belated birthday cake from the company for Yoochunnie.” Minkyung held up the box happily. “It’s from that posh new bakery uptown too.”
“Oh, oppa also said that you’re on your own tonight because his wife just found out she’s pregnant again so he has to go home,” Ahyoung added.
The boys all turned to stare at Junsu.
Who laughed and clapped his hands and yelled: “Yay! Cake!”
And then he launched into a pretty, pretty rendition of the ‘happy birthday’ song for Yoochun.
Left with no other choice of action, everyone else in the apartment heaved a collective sigh and just joined in.
“The thing with Junsu is,” Junho later muttered to Yoochun, “even if he doesn’t have super powers, he’s like a force of nature. Eventually, you somehow find yourself going along with him. It might be against your will in the beginning… but by the end, you’ll be having a grand ol’ time and thinking he’s awesomesauce.”
Yoochun gracefully took his traditional cake-in-the-face before responding to Junho’s statement.
“Well, as far as things go, at least Junsu uses his abilities (whether they’re super powers or not) for good rather than evil.”
Junho shrugged.
“So he’s led you to believe.”
Over plates and plates of cake, they all took turns asking Junsu for predictions and he delighted in giving them out like candy (though he was particularly happy to give really sour ones to Changmin). Yoosun was going to wear an entirely green outfit some day soon, head to toe, including shoes, said Junsu. Minkyung was going to spill banana milk on a cute a boy. Ahyoung was going to fall asleep on the bus and miss her stop. Sooyoung was… not going to have sex with Junho on the Dong Bang dining table… but she was going to lose her purse so she should probably carry her wallet in her pocket. Yunho was going to accidentally try paying for something in Tokyo with Won instead of Yen. Jaejoong was going to have his hair lightened again and he was going to crouch down to have a whole five minute conversation with a small dog in the middle of the street, much to the delight of fangirls. Yoochun was going to buy a strange hat with a feather in it…or on it… Junsu couldn’t see clearly. And Changmin, Junsu was happy to report, was going to be shirtless and in low-rise pants for multiple photoshoots and was thus going to be waxed six ways to Sunday.
At the end of the night, as Yunho was tucking everyone in, Junsu wriggled a hand free, smacked him in the stomach, and announced: “You have to make everyone apologize to me tomorrow about doubting my super powers. I know you guys were making fun of me behind my back!”
Changmin pointed out from where he’d been overly securely tucked into his own bed that first of all they’d been making fun of him to his face and second of all none of the events of the day conclusively proved that he had any precognitive abilities. In fact, in the grand scheme of things, it had been a pretty normal day for Dong Bang Shin Ki. So, really, any person off the street could have foreseen the things Junsu predicted. Well, he conceded after a moment’s thought, maybe not any person off the street, but any random Cassiopeia could have done it.
“Okay, okay,” Yunho rushed to intervene before all his hard work could be undone. “Junsu, *I* believe you can see into the future, and I’m very sorry for doubting you earlier. Changmin, tomorrow you and the others will apologize to Junsu for not believing him and teasing him. Regardless of the subject matter, we’re supposed to trust our members at all times.”
Changmin grumbled about it all the way until his breathing evened out and he fell asleep. But actually, of all of them, Changmin was the one who never doubted for a second that Junsu suddenly had super powers, for he, himself, had developed super powers months ago. It was just that Changmin was more discreet about it.
OMAKE
Changmin developed super powers on a rainy Monday in March. Sure, bending people to his will was fun at first (making Junsu go soak his head, making Junsu eat paste, making Jaejoong cook for ten nights in a row…) but, in the end, a win wasn’t worth it if he didn’t earn it. Plus, he felt guilty. So he stopped playing with his powers (and his groupmates) so much… except on those nights when he was outvoted for ordering pizza. On those nights, Changmin exerted so much power for the pro-pizza vote that half their building usually ordered pizza too.
===
Jaejoong was actually born with his super power, but he didn’t notice it was a Super Power until he reached adulthood. He’d always just taken it as a fact of life.
Changmin, though, refused to acknowledge Jaejoong’s ability as a super power.
“It’s the same as your mind-whammy-thing,” Jaejoong said in protest.
“It is not. I can make people do whatever I want them to do!”
Jaejoong nodded earnestly. “Me too!”
“No. You just… somehow cause people to dote on you. That’s not a super power.”
“But that’s exactly what I want them to do, and then they do it.”
===
Whenever people asked why Yunho was chosen to be leader of Dong Bang Shin Ki, the flippant answer was always: “oh, he just happened to volunteer for it.” And this was true. But whether it was due to some innate genetic thing that was just slow to manifest, or if it had to do with that time he was almost electrocuted by Junsu, or if it was just a matter of necessity (for the sake of his survival and his group’s sanity), Yunho eventually developed the ability to control time. Except… somehow this resulted in triple the workload for everyone.
===
Yoochun had no special powers, and Junsu didn’t foresee him getting any. This was quite okay with Yoochun as he didn’t want that whole “with great power comes great responsibility” nonsense. This was what he thought to himself as he helped Jaejoong straighten his shirt sleeve inside his coat. Instead, he said through a bite of pizza with Changmin, he’d rather just make music and let the other boys save the world with their super powers.
Some nights, Yunho slowed it down to 1/50th speed to let Yoochun fiddle about freely with his compositions. Genius was a super power too.
===
^^;;; i... actually wrote this in june... as evidenced by that first line... hahaha. but didn't post it right away because i didn't have a title... and then i forgot about it until recently. ^O^;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;
Rating: PG (mentions of r-rated happenings)
Genre: fluff
People: all five boys plus extra kim!siblings~
Pairings: none (sort of OT5-family)
Warnings: silliness? does that deserve a warning?
Beta: miyun
Author’s Notes: Set in Korea, sometime maybe around 2008 or 2009-ish? Haha. But in my world, HoSuMin still share a room. Lol. Sisters’ names were taken from an oldass interview with Jaejoong and I just took the last four that he named using the assumption that he had named them in order of oldest to youngest (but knowing him, he was quite random about it). ^O^;;;
Junsu developed super powers on a sunny Wednesday afternoon in June.
He was sitting by himself after his round of solo shots, minding his own business, when one of the giant softbox lights gave up the good fight and committed murder/suicide by leaping over and crashing into its brother light fixture.
Exactly the way Junsu had imagined it.
“Wow,” he breathed. “I think I can move stuff with my mind.”
Unfortunately, the pretty stylist with the D-cups did not spontaneously have her clothes blown off by the giant wind machine, so Junsu thought maybe the thing with the light stands was a freak coincidence and it had nothing to do with him having special abilities.
When the stylist tattled on him to Yunho about the way he was staring at her, Junsu was certain that he really must not have any super powers whatsoever. Surely someone with even just an inkling of super powers would have been able to forestall that bit of nonsense. And now he was going to have to endure hours of pitying looks from the group daddy and mommy (because Yunho was sure to tell Jaejoong that Junsu was pining for female contact), and Yoochun was going to try to force him out to get laid by some potentially diseased chick in the back room of a club (because Jaejoong was sure to tell his soulmate that Junsu was drooling PERVILY over their stylist), and Changmin, oh Changmin… his brain hurt to think about it.
“Junsu, Junsu! I think see smoke coming out of your ears!”
Junsu quickly clapped both hands over his ears just in case Changmin was right (what with his possible new mental powers being on the fritz).
Changmin smirked at him.
“What’s up, kid? You’re sulking so hard that astronauts can see your pout from outer space,” said Yoochun, coming over to check on the children as directed by Yunho.
Junsu blinked at him, eyes comically wide.
And Changmin reached over to pull one of Junsu’s hands away from the side of his head.
“He asked you why you were sulking, you dumbass.”
Wrenching free of Changmin’s hold, Junsu inadvertently slapped Yoochun in the nose.
Now, truth be told, it really had been an accident, but this was actually something that he’d envisioned many times. In great detail. As a matter of fact, just two seconds ago when Yoochun first looked his way Junsu had the sudden thought to whack him in the nose. And he’d seen this very exact same scene play out in his mind’s eye.
“I think I can see into the future!” he shouted, beaming.
Yoochun, with both hands clasped over his throbbing nose, tried to cuff Junsu upside the head with his elbow.
“Hey! No fighting in public.” Yunho bodily hauled Yoochun away by the hips. “And Junsu, stop goading the others.”
But instead of paying his leader any mind, Junsu turned to Changmin and said: “Ah ha! I totally knew that hyung was going to step in at that exact moment. I didn’t even try to duck Yoochunnie, did you see?”
This time Changmin reached out and actually cuffed Junsu upside the head.
“Ow! Hyung, he hit me for no reason!”
But unfortunately for Junsu, while Yunho was a total sucker for his cutie face, the leader was also a total failure at disciplining their magnae because he was The Magnae. Which meant that all Changmin got was a slightly reproachful glare.
“I want Jaejoong-hyung,” Junsu groused. “He’s going to come out from the dressing room and totally punch you in the arm so hard you’re going to fall over.”
“Did you have a vision about that too?”
“Sarcarsm is not charming on you.” Junsu turned his back on Yoochun. “Besides, you don’t need to have special powers to predict that one. Anyone with half a brain knows that Jaejoong is going to hit Changmin as soon as he sees him.”
Changmin’s eyebrows practically crawled up into his hairline.
“REALLY.”
“The hair noona told him she had to use up all the soft-hold mousse on your hair, so there was none left for him.”
Changmin’s gaze shifted to the nearest exit and Yunho took a step forward to position himself between Jaejoong’s predicted point of entry and Changmin’s planned point of egress.
“But what I can tell you with my extra special powers,” said Junsu, “is that you’re not going to be able to escape it. So you might as well steel yourself and just take it like a man.”
As if Junsu’s words had conjured their hyung up out of thin air, Jaejoong made his presence known by leaping over a chair and slamming his fist into Changmin’s upper arm. The two of them toppled to the ground together, just as Junsu had said they would.
Humming happily to himself, Junsu wandered off to find their ride home. Behind him, he could hear the sounds of Yunho trying to break up the wrestling match by telling Jaejoong that his hair was getting poofy and Yoochun whining that his nose was swollen so could Yunho PLEASE take a look at it NOW.
Maybe it wasn’t quite as useful as being able to move things with his mind, but Junsu thought that this seeing into the future thing was very rewarding in its own way.
On the way home, Changmin apparently got bored and decided to poke at things that were best left unpoked.
“Junsu, hyuuuuung, please tell me, all-knowing-guru, what do you see in my future?”
Jaejoong hit him again, but Changmin continued to do his best “wide-eyed-innocence” impression for Junsu.
Junsu closed his eyes and concentrated really, really hard for a minute.
“I see Jaejoong-hyung cooking us a really huge and elaborate dinner! More than just ramyeon or even kimchi jjigae!”
This time Jaejoong hit Junsu. Really, really hard. And repeatedly for a whole minute.
“Why the hell do you say shit like that?” he hissed. “Don’t get Changmin’s hopes up! If I don’t deliver, he’s going to eat me in my sleep!” Jaejoong rolled up his shirt sleeve and shoved his forearm under Junsu’s nose. “Do you see this bite mark? This is from the last time I said I was going to make barbequed meat but couldn’t get to the supermarket before closing. He bit me and CHEWED. IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT.”
Changmin turned a mournful expression on Yunho.
“But hyung shouldn’t have lied to me, right? He deserved to be punished.”
Yunho patted Changmin’s hair with one hand and Jaejoong’s shoulder with the other.
Junsu just smiled brightly and turned to poke Yoochun in the forehead until he woke up to sing a duet with him.
“I’m not cooking tonight,” Jaejoong announced to the van-ful of people. “Whatever the hell Junsu just spewed out, that wasn’t me. I made no promises. Therefore I am not reneging or lying when I say that I, Kim Jaejoong, will absolutely not under any circumstances be cooking tonight. Ask me what’s for dinner. I will give you a takeout menu. What are you cooking tonight, hyung? The answer is NOTHING.”
Junsu and Yoochun sang louder to drown him out. Changmin ate some crackers. And Yunho tried to crawl in between the front seats to sit with their manager and driver.
When they arrived back at their apartment, the Dong Bang family was surprised to see another family waiting inside for them. The four youngest Kim sisters plus one Kim brother were in the kitchen with bags and bags of groceries.
“Surprise!” they shouted.
Junsu waved and bowed politely to the girls before dashing through the crowd and pulling his brother into the bathroom.
“Hyunnnng!” He slammed the door shut behind them. “Jaejoong is totally going to murder you when you tell him that you’re dating Sooyoung-noona and that you got his sisters here to act as your backup because you’re a wuss. But good on you for being so wussy and still getting an older woman! Please don’t tell me about the sex because it’s totally gross that your first time is going to be on a kitchen table…oh God… it’s going to be on *our* kitchen table. Why did I give you a key to this apartment? I wonder if by telling you this I can change the future so that you can, you know, do it in a bed like a normal person. Not my bed, by the way.”
Junho grabbed Junsu by the face and smooshed his cheeks together until he couldn’t talk properly anymore.
“If you love me at all you’re going to stop talking right now and think deep thoughts on breathing between sentences, okay?” He refused to let go until Junsu nodded solemnly. “I told you, Sooyoung and I just went for coffee a couple times, that’s all. We’re not dating. We’re not even ‘unofficially’ dating. So there’s no sex at all. And I would never do anything on your kitchen table. That’s creepy. People have to eat there.”
“But, hyung, I saw it happen in my mind! Oh yeah, did I tell you? I can see into the future now. So whatever I see, it happens for real, and I saw you and Sooyoung-noona all over our table-”
Junho clapped his hand over Junsu’s mouth this time.
“Who’s been letting you watch R-rated American movies again?”
Junsu’s gaze shifted to the left.
“No. Bad Junsu.”
Junsu cast a doleful look up at his brother, but Junho had had twenty-two years of not caving to Junsu’s little puppy face.
“Stop it.” He shook Junsu a little bit. “I was here waiting for you to come home when the noonas dropped by to surprise you guys with dinner. There is no conspiracy to tell Jaejoong anything about me and Sooyoung-noona because there is nothing to tell, okay?”
Junsu started to protest but Junho shook him again until he relented.
A couple minutes later two red-faced, sheepish-looking Kim brothers exited the bathroom and, when asked about what they were doing in there, TOGETHER, mumbled in unison something about how Junho was teaching Junsu a super secret ultra technique to kick Changmin’s pants in the next Dong Bang Tekken Tournament.
But no one was really paying them any mind because the other Kim siblings were totally holding court in the kitchen.
Yoosun had apparently convinced Yoochun to stay for dinner by hand-feeding him strips of red bell pepper and sneaking him samples of the first pieces of sizzling meat as they finished cooking. Ahyoung and Sooyoung were licking gochujang off each other’s fingers, which had completely captivated Changmin. And they were just reaching for the miso paste when the Kim brothers came back from the bathroom. Junsu left his biological brother in the “ogling” pile and went instead to join his group brother in the “getting sneaky snacks” pile.
As it went, Minkyung and Jaejoong ended up being the only ones actually doing any cooking, but they were laughing and cheering on the antics of their sisters, while Yunho did his best to get underfoot as he pretended to help out.
The meal that emerged from the chaotic kitchen was a gorgeous feast of bright colours, tempting aromas, and fabulous flavours. There was definitely more home-cooked food on the table than the Dong Bang boys had seen in a long time, especially in their apartment. Junsu didn’t want to gloat in front of the girls (also just in case his super powers were supposed to be kept secret) so he just shot Jaejoong a Significant Look.
Very deliberately, Jaejoong turned away from him to plate some food for Changmin before the magnae embarrassed them all with his hoarding habit. Changmin smiled so hard his right eye completely disappeared in a crinkle.
“Huh…” said Yunho.
“That’s weird…” said Yoochun.
But Jaejoong stuffed a dumpling in each of their mouths before they could fully vocalize what they were thinking.
After dinner, everyone who hadn’t helped with the cooking started to clean up. This included the girls who’d been teasing Junho and Changmin.
Sooyoung reached down the length of the table to grab the last cup but her arm wasn’t quite long enough. Unfortunately, the slight brush of her fingertips against the rim was just enough to knock it over and send it rolling away from her. Eager to keep it from falling and breaking, she lunged across the table to catch it. Coincidentally, Junho, with his own lightning fast reflexes, also surged across the table to reach for the escaping cup… except… he had actually been standing behind Sooyoung… such that it now looked like he was bending her over the table.
“So this is what I saw in my vision,” said Junsu, his mouth open in a little ‘o’ of wonder.
Junho looked over at his brother in surprise, seeming to forget all about his compromising body position.
“You thought we would have sex on your dining table fully clothed?” he blurted out.
Shrugging, Junsu replied: “Well, how am I supposed to know how people do it over a table? In the movies they always look like they’re fully clothed when they’re, you know...” He fluttered his hand in their general direction, trying to for some vague gesture that could have meant “doing the horizontal tango” or “airing out your stinky fart”.
Jaejoong looked like he was going to pop a blood vessel.
“Wait. What? Junho and Sooyoung-noona are going to have sex on our table?”
Yunho turned a murderous glare on Yoochun.
“Have you ever made any situation BETTER by opening your big mouth?”
Yoochun flashed an awkward smile and then hid behind Changmin.
“Junsu said he had a ‘vision’ of Sooyoung-noona and I having sex (or so he thought) on this table, so he was convinced that it was going to happen in real life because he believes he can see into the future, and he was worried that Jaejoong-hyung was going to kill me for it,” Junho explained in a calm voice. “Except now he says that this is what he saw, so clearly while we are indeed splayed over the table, we are not having sex in any way, shape or-”
“GET OFF MY SISTER, YOU PERVERT!”
Junho scrambled to regain his balance and scuttled backwards until he was huddled up against the wall.
Yunho sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.
Junsu just stood there, blinking owlishly at everyone.
“Let’s get the cake,” he said suddenly.
“WHAT CAKE?” bellowed Jaejoong.
Yoosun, being the oldest there, asked Jaejoong to kindly use his inside voice. She then grabbed the errant cup, righted her baby sister, and took both of them into the kitchen to get started on the dishes. Ahyoung and Minkyung looked from Jaejoong’s splotchy face, to Junsu’s blank, cheerful smile, to Junho’s frightened expression, and decided to excuse themselves from the party for a bit to go buy some drinks at the convenience store.
They took Changmin with them because he was obviously too young for this kind of thing.
Not five minutes after the three left the Dong Bang apartment, they returned… bearing a large cake box.
“We met your manager in the lobby. He said it’s a belated birthday cake from the company for Yoochunnie.” Minkyung held up the box happily. “It’s from that posh new bakery uptown too.”
“Oh, oppa also said that you’re on your own tonight because his wife just found out she’s pregnant again so he has to go home,” Ahyoung added.
The boys all turned to stare at Junsu.
Who laughed and clapped his hands and yelled: “Yay! Cake!”
And then he launched into a pretty, pretty rendition of the ‘happy birthday’ song for Yoochun.
Left with no other choice of action, everyone else in the apartment heaved a collective sigh and just joined in.
“The thing with Junsu is,” Junho later muttered to Yoochun, “even if he doesn’t have super powers, he’s like a force of nature. Eventually, you somehow find yourself going along with him. It might be against your will in the beginning… but by the end, you’ll be having a grand ol’ time and thinking he’s awesomesauce.”
Yoochun gracefully took his traditional cake-in-the-face before responding to Junho’s statement.
“Well, as far as things go, at least Junsu uses his abilities (whether they’re super powers or not) for good rather than evil.”
Junho shrugged.
“So he’s led you to believe.”
Over plates and plates of cake, they all took turns asking Junsu for predictions and he delighted in giving them out like candy (though he was particularly happy to give really sour ones to Changmin). Yoosun was going to wear an entirely green outfit some day soon, head to toe, including shoes, said Junsu. Minkyung was going to spill banana milk on a cute a boy. Ahyoung was going to fall asleep on the bus and miss her stop. Sooyoung was… not going to have sex with Junho on the Dong Bang dining table… but she was going to lose her purse so she should probably carry her wallet in her pocket. Yunho was going to accidentally try paying for something in Tokyo with Won instead of Yen. Jaejoong was going to have his hair lightened again and he was going to crouch down to have a whole five minute conversation with a small dog in the middle of the street, much to the delight of fangirls. Yoochun was going to buy a strange hat with a feather in it…or on it… Junsu couldn’t see clearly. And Changmin, Junsu was happy to report, was going to be shirtless and in low-rise pants for multiple photoshoots and was thus going to be waxed six ways to Sunday.
At the end of the night, as Yunho was tucking everyone in, Junsu wriggled a hand free, smacked him in the stomach, and announced: “You have to make everyone apologize to me tomorrow about doubting my super powers. I know you guys were making fun of me behind my back!”
Changmin pointed out from where he’d been overly securely tucked into his own bed that first of all they’d been making fun of him to his face and second of all none of the events of the day conclusively proved that he had any precognitive abilities. In fact, in the grand scheme of things, it had been a pretty normal day for Dong Bang Shin Ki. So, really, any person off the street could have foreseen the things Junsu predicted. Well, he conceded after a moment’s thought, maybe not any person off the street, but any random Cassiopeia could have done it.
“Okay, okay,” Yunho rushed to intervene before all his hard work could be undone. “Junsu, *I* believe you can see into the future, and I’m very sorry for doubting you earlier. Changmin, tomorrow you and the others will apologize to Junsu for not believing him and teasing him. Regardless of the subject matter, we’re supposed to trust our members at all times.”
Changmin grumbled about it all the way until his breathing evened out and he fell asleep. But actually, of all of them, Changmin was the one who never doubted for a second that Junsu suddenly had super powers, for he, himself, had developed super powers months ago. It was just that Changmin was more discreet about it.
OMAKE
Changmin developed super powers on a rainy Monday in March. Sure, bending people to his will was fun at first (making Junsu go soak his head, making Junsu eat paste, making Jaejoong cook for ten nights in a row…) but, in the end, a win wasn’t worth it if he didn’t earn it. Plus, he felt guilty. So he stopped playing with his powers (and his groupmates) so much… except on those nights when he was outvoted for ordering pizza. On those nights, Changmin exerted so much power for the pro-pizza vote that half their building usually ordered pizza too.
===
Jaejoong was actually born with his super power, but he didn’t notice it was a Super Power until he reached adulthood. He’d always just taken it as a fact of life.
Changmin, though, refused to acknowledge Jaejoong’s ability as a super power.
“It’s the same as your mind-whammy-thing,” Jaejoong said in protest.
“It is not. I can make people do whatever I want them to do!”
Jaejoong nodded earnestly. “Me too!”
“No. You just… somehow cause people to dote on you. That’s not a super power.”
“But that’s exactly what I want them to do, and then they do it.”
===
Whenever people asked why Yunho was chosen to be leader of Dong Bang Shin Ki, the flippant answer was always: “oh, he just happened to volunteer for it.” And this was true. But whether it was due to some innate genetic thing that was just slow to manifest, or if it had to do with that time he was almost electrocuted by Junsu, or if it was just a matter of necessity (for the sake of his survival and his group’s sanity), Yunho eventually developed the ability to control time. Except… somehow this resulted in triple the workload for everyone.
===
Yoochun had no special powers, and Junsu didn’t foresee him getting any. This was quite okay with Yoochun as he didn’t want that whole “with great power comes great responsibility” nonsense. This was what he thought to himself as he helped Jaejoong straighten his shirt sleeve inside his coat. Instead, he said through a bite of pizza with Changmin, he’d rather just make music and let the other boys save the world with their super powers.
Some nights, Yunho slowed it down to 1/50th speed to let Yoochun fiddle about freely with his compositions. Genius was a super power too.
===
^^;;; i... actually wrote this in june... as evidenced by that first line... hahaha. but didn't post it right away because i didn't have a title... and then i forgot about it until recently. ^O^;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;