[GW] - [FIC] [WIP] Static
haha~ amy points out that i should post fluffy things for new years... and i don't post for 3 days. hahaha~ no seriously, i just got busy with work and going home to my parents' for the "holiday". ^O^;;;
Rating: PG-13 (i guess? just some swearing)
Genre: Fluff, Get-together
Pairings: 2+1
Warnings: none that I can really think of. a little OOC Relena maybe?
Notes: I've posted the beginning of this before, i'm sure... (is this cheating for the february challenge? why am i so scandalous? hahahahaha) this fic was technically started for Sharon's "Mission Get-together" contest but clearly that never happened and it's been languishing on my harddrive, unfinished, ever since... i've been working on it off and on... and maybe if i start posting it, i'll be pushed to finish it? ^O^;;;
*crackle*
“Maxwell to Agent Yuy..”
Said Agent showed no outward acknowledgment of the call. He didn’t even blink.
*crackle*
“Heero, I know you can hear me...”
Again there was no response.
*crackle*
“Did you ever think signing up to be a Preventer would be like this?”
Heero shifted his weight slightly from one foot to the other.
*crackle*
“I kind of assumed there would be more...blowing shit up and arresting bad guys, that kind of thing.”
Heero touched his lapel, activating his own mic: “Watch your language, Agent Maxwell.”
Then he immediately returned to his previous pose, chin up, eyes forward, hands clasped loosely in front of him.
*crackle*
“You’re such a fucking boyscout, Heero.”
Heero scanned the crowded banquet room. From his position just behind Relena Peacecraft Darlian at the head table, he could see every single person in attendance. And he could see exactly where Duo Maxwell had been positioned.
“Fuck...” he swore softly to himself.
But Relena turned around instantly, giving him a mildly reproachful look.
Whose idea had it been to place Duo right behind Duchess Von Brunswick? That old biddy hated Duo with a passion. She was arguably the most conservative person in the room and every time she laid eyes on Duo she had something unpleasant to say about him. No one knew if it was the hair, the excessive swearing, or the fact that he kept trying to steal her jewellery-
“Duo!” Heero hissed. “Put it back!”
There was a vague suggestion of movement by Duo and Heero leaned forward to re-count the strands of pearls around the Duchess’ neck.
*crackle*
“I was going to put it back before dessert.”
“Dessert is five courses from now!”
Relena started to turn around again, but Heero quickly reached out to touch her shoulder reassuringly.
*crackle*
“Calm down, Heero, we don’t alarm the Princess, do we?”
“It’s too late for that,” Heero whispered, stepping back a little further from Relena than was his custom. “Duo, behave. The Duchess is itching to have you tossed for something. Don’t give her a reason.”
*crackle*
“Please. I could put ten necklaces back on this chick before she finished screaming for the police.”
“Duo...”
Heero saw Duo take one exaggeratedly large step away from the Duchess, holding his hands up in the air to show Heero they were empty.
*crackle*
“Want to strip search me?”
“What?”
*crackle*
“I asked if you wanted to take a trip to the Church with me.”
“The anniversary’s coming up, isn’t it?”
*crackle*
“Yeah, next week.”
*crackle*
“This isn’t a private line, boys. Keep your personal issues to yourselves. That goes for all of you.”
A quiet “Yes, Director Une” echoed throughout the hall.
***
When Duo arrived at work Monday morning, there was a bright green memo note stuck to his computer monitor. It was completely blank except for a time, 9:00 am, but everyone at Preventers Headquarters knew what a green memo meant.
“Shit.”
“No, shit, ‘shit’, Maxwell.”
Heero was holding up a green slip of his own.
Duo bit his lip and tried not to laugh.
Heero all but hauled Duo after him to Director Une’s office, knocking on her door at 9:00 am, on the dot, as summoned.
The two young Agents were promptly ushered into the wide room with its imposing dark wood furniture.
They were not invited to sit.
“Gentlemen, I believe you know why you’re here.”
Both men stood firm, shoulders squared, expressions carefully blank.
“Maxwell, Duchess von Brunswick has lodged no less than fourteen complaints against you in the past two months, do you know that?” Une was speaking in very conversational tones, but this was clearly when she was most dangerous.
As both men were very, very aware.
“She says you’re,” and here Une picked up a sheaf of papers from her desk, “disruptive, offensive, rude, crass, unprofessional, unethical, a compulsive criminal, certifiably insane…and these are just some of the nicer notes she’s left with our organization. It would appear from some of the more recent letters that you’ve driven her near incoherent with rage.”
Heero risked sneaking a glance Duo.
And then the thing Heero so dreaded from the second he set foot in this office happened.
Duo Maxwell opened his big mouth.
“So?”
Heero was cringing inside.
“I’m sorry, Agent Maxwell?” Une’s voice had turned frosty.
“I said, ‘so?’ What can ‘Lady von Brunswick’ do to me? ‘Any complaint by a civilian against the conduct of an Agent shall be received with all due courtesy but no decision to sanction said Agent shall be made unless and/or until a certified member of the Preventers’ Internal Affairs department has made an independent and impartial investigation’. Commentary 3 for Rule 14.2(a) of the handbook, Director.”
Une gave him a long, hard look.
Heero had to fight the urge to cover his face with his hands. They were sunk. Duo was going to get fired and then he was somehow going to drag Heero down with him as he always did and then it was going to be hello, unemployment. Heero didn’t think he’d do well in the fast food service industry.
“Rule 1, Agent Maxwell, states that a Preventers’ Agent owes a duty to uphold the peace of the Sphere and to comport himself in a manner such as not to sully the reputation of the organization or its work. Rule 1.1 continues, Agent Maxwell, that an Agent MUST UPHOLD THE LAW in his/her personal conduct. STEALING FROM A DIGNITARY IS AGAINST THE LAW!”
“Stealing from anyone is against the law,” Heero muttered, earning a sharp look from Une.
“Agent Yuy, do you have something to say here?” she demanded.
Heero stood very firmly at attention, hands clasped behind his back, eyes looking straight ahead.
“Very well. Agent Maxwell, you are hereby taken off the Active Duty roster. You are prohibited from taking on any and all fieldwork until such time as you can show me that you can conduct yourself in a manner befitting your station.”
“What?” Duo blurted out, breaking stance and taking a step towards Une.
Une was completely unaffected. “You heard me, Agent Maxwell,” she said.
Duo turned sharply, showing all intention of walking out.
“Furthermore…”
Duo froze, mid-stride.
“Agent Yuy, as Agent Maxwell’s partner, you too, are taken off the Active Duty roster.”
The silence that greeted that statement was deafening.
“You, my Perfect Agent,” Une paused to watch the vein in Heero’s forehead jump, as it always did when anyone called him ‘perfect’, “have the new task of teaching your partner to be a gentleman.”
Heero tried very, very hard to keep himself from scowling at his superior.
Duo, however, had no compunctions about maintaining any sort of dignity or decorum.
“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me!” he yelled, storming directly up to Une’s desk and slamming his hands on the dark oak surface. “Don’t punish him for my idiocy! If you take him off active duty, you’re shooting yourself in the balls!”
Director Une arched an eyebrow at the colourful metaphor.
But Heero could tell that Duo was just a hair shy of crossing the proverbial line this time. Une wouldn’t have taken them both off the roster if she hadn’t been well and truly pissed. Not wanting his partner to get fired…or shot…for insubordination, Heero finally broke form and stepped forward. He laid a hand on the middle of Duo’s back and Duo immediately fell silent.
“Director Une, I-what?” Heero broke off mid-sentence when he realized that Une was giving him the most peculiar look. “What? What are you looking at?” he asked, scowling as Une began to smirk.
“You’ve just proven your qualifications for your new position as Maxwell’s sitter, Agent Yuy. Congratulations.”
Both Heero and Duo gawped at her.
“Now get out of my office.”
With nothing left to say, the two now-sidelined agents slowly left Director Une’s office and walked to the elevators in a daze.
Duo opened his mouth to apologize, but Heero shushed him with one tight wave of his hand even before he had a chance to make a sound. The wait for the elevator felt like an eternity. They could both feel the curious gazes of the 40th floor Preventors staff boring into their backs and they just knew that the rumour mill would be churning overtime today.
By the time they returned to their shared office on the 25th floor, news of their enforced “hiatus” had already spread. Heero couldn’t bear the winces and the tragic, sympathetic looks, and so he stalked into his office and slammed the door shut…in Duo’s face.
“Oi!” Duo tried the doorknob and then knocked on the solid oak door. “Oi, Heero! I think you locked it when you shut it!”
There was no response from within.
“Heero!”
Duo began pounding on the door, heedless of stares he was getting from the people in the hall.
“Dude, you can’t keep me out here forever!”
There was no response from within.
“It’s my office too!”
A piece of paper slid out from under the door.
Duo took a second to read it and then resumed his pounding.
“You’re not half as funny as you think you are, Yuy!”
Another piece of paper slid out.
“No, I *don’t* think it’s fair to share an office in shifts! And even if I did, who are you to decide that you get midnight to noon?”
One of the guys from the office next door walked by smacked Duo in the butt with the file in his hand.
“Trouble with the ‘missus’, Maxwell?” he asked, laughing. “You tell Yuy that the key to any good relationship is either good communication or good sex and that you can’t do either with a door between you two.”
A third sheet of paper slid out from other said door.
“ ‘Tell Conroy to suck my cock’,” said Duo, dutifully reading the missive from Heero.
Conroy eyed Duo’s crotch and then glanced at the door from which the message came.
“Does he mean your cock on his?”
“Fuck off, man.”
Duo shoved Conroy away and turned back to the door.
“I’ll suck you, Maxwell, but I don’t do that ‘backdoor’ shit!” shouted Conroy as he continued on his way down the hall.
Duo only acknowledged him with a raised middle finger.
There was still no response from inside the office, however, and so Duo decided to resort to desperate measures.
“Excuse me, sir?” He waved at one of the building maintenance guys who was up on a ladder fixing a light in the hall. “Do you have a master key to the offices?”
When the door swung open, Heero was surprised to see a complete stranger step in. And to be fair, the stranger was pretty surprised to see Heero too.
“I-I’m sorry, sir!” he stammered. “A-agent Max-maxwell… He said…”
“Thanks, Tommy,” Duo said, clapping the man on the back. “I definitely owe you one!”
Heero blinked at his partner.
“You called maintenance to open the door?”
Duo shrugged.
“Who, Tommy? He was just standing outside… and Une said that I wasn’t allowed to perform any felonies within the Preventer compound. ‘Not even a minor misdemeanour’ she said. You think I want to get in *more* trouble? Breaking and entering is an indictable offence liable to imprisonment for up to ten years. Man, you’d think *you* would be more up on the criminal code.”
“It’s only an indictable offence if you break and enter with the intent to commit another indictable offence, idiot.”
The two sat in silence for a moment at their respective desks.
“So…” Duo fiddled with a pen he’d found on his desk. “What exactly does one do when one is taken off active duty?”
Before Heero could answer, or not answer as he was currently determined to ignore Duo for the rest of the day, his computer ‘ping’-ed to signal an incoming e-mail.
Operating on sheer muscle memory, Heero opened and read the message.
“We’ve been given a Special Mission.”
Duo perked right up.
“Aww, I knew the old broad couldn’t stay mad at us for long!” he crowed.
Heero shook his head.
“We’re to become Relena’s Special Events Security detail.”
“Shit.”
“No shit, ‘shit’, Maxwell.”
TBC
btw - the title is totally not what i want it to be. ^O^;;; hopefully after the second chapter (i think this will only be a 3 part-er), someone can help me with a better one? ^O^;;;;
Rating: PG-13 (i guess? just some swearing)
Genre: Fluff, Get-together
Pairings: 2+1
Warnings: none that I can really think of. a little OOC Relena maybe?
Notes: I've posted the beginning of this before, i'm sure... (is this cheating for the february challenge? why am i so scandalous? hahahahaha) this fic was technically started for Sharon's "Mission Get-together" contest but clearly that never happened and it's been languishing on my harddrive, unfinished, ever since... i've been working on it off and on... and maybe if i start posting it, i'll be pushed to finish it? ^O^;;;
*crackle*
“Maxwell to Agent Yuy..”
Said Agent showed no outward acknowledgment of the call. He didn’t even blink.
*crackle*
“Heero, I know you can hear me...”
Again there was no response.
*crackle*
“Did you ever think signing up to be a Preventer would be like this?”
Heero shifted his weight slightly from one foot to the other.
*crackle*
“I kind of assumed there would be more...blowing shit up and arresting bad guys, that kind of thing.”
Heero touched his lapel, activating his own mic: “Watch your language, Agent Maxwell.”
Then he immediately returned to his previous pose, chin up, eyes forward, hands clasped loosely in front of him.
*crackle*
“You’re such a fucking boyscout, Heero.”
Heero scanned the crowded banquet room. From his position just behind Relena Peacecraft Darlian at the head table, he could see every single person in attendance. And he could see exactly where Duo Maxwell had been positioned.
“Fuck...” he swore softly to himself.
But Relena turned around instantly, giving him a mildly reproachful look.
Whose idea had it been to place Duo right behind Duchess Von Brunswick? That old biddy hated Duo with a passion. She was arguably the most conservative person in the room and every time she laid eyes on Duo she had something unpleasant to say about him. No one knew if it was the hair, the excessive swearing, or the fact that he kept trying to steal her jewellery-
“Duo!” Heero hissed. “Put it back!”
There was a vague suggestion of movement by Duo and Heero leaned forward to re-count the strands of pearls around the Duchess’ neck.
*crackle*
“I was going to put it back before dessert.”
“Dessert is five courses from now!”
Relena started to turn around again, but Heero quickly reached out to touch her shoulder reassuringly.
*crackle*
“Calm down, Heero, we don’t alarm the Princess, do we?”
“It’s too late for that,” Heero whispered, stepping back a little further from Relena than was his custom. “Duo, behave. The Duchess is itching to have you tossed for something. Don’t give her a reason.”
*crackle*
“Please. I could put ten necklaces back on this chick before she finished screaming for the police.”
“Duo...”
Heero saw Duo take one exaggeratedly large step away from the Duchess, holding his hands up in the air to show Heero they were empty.
*crackle*
“Want to strip search me?”
“What?”
*crackle*
“I asked if you wanted to take a trip to the Church with me.”
“The anniversary’s coming up, isn’t it?”
*crackle*
“Yeah, next week.”
*crackle*
“This isn’t a private line, boys. Keep your personal issues to yourselves. That goes for all of you.”
A quiet “Yes, Director Une” echoed throughout the hall.
***
When Duo arrived at work Monday morning, there was a bright green memo note stuck to his computer monitor. It was completely blank except for a time, 9:00 am, but everyone at Preventers Headquarters knew what a green memo meant.
“Shit.”
“No, shit, ‘shit’, Maxwell.”
Heero was holding up a green slip of his own.
Duo bit his lip and tried not to laugh.
Heero all but hauled Duo after him to Director Une’s office, knocking on her door at 9:00 am, on the dot, as summoned.
The two young Agents were promptly ushered into the wide room with its imposing dark wood furniture.
They were not invited to sit.
“Gentlemen, I believe you know why you’re here.”
Both men stood firm, shoulders squared, expressions carefully blank.
“Maxwell, Duchess von Brunswick has lodged no less than fourteen complaints against you in the past two months, do you know that?” Une was speaking in very conversational tones, but this was clearly when she was most dangerous.
As both men were very, very aware.
“She says you’re,” and here Une picked up a sheaf of papers from her desk, “disruptive, offensive, rude, crass, unprofessional, unethical, a compulsive criminal, certifiably insane…and these are just some of the nicer notes she’s left with our organization. It would appear from some of the more recent letters that you’ve driven her near incoherent with rage.”
Heero risked sneaking a glance Duo.
And then the thing Heero so dreaded from the second he set foot in this office happened.
Duo Maxwell opened his big mouth.
“So?”
Heero was cringing inside.
“I’m sorry, Agent Maxwell?” Une’s voice had turned frosty.
“I said, ‘so?’ What can ‘Lady von Brunswick’ do to me? ‘Any complaint by a civilian against the conduct of an Agent shall be received with all due courtesy but no decision to sanction said Agent shall be made unless and/or until a certified member of the Preventers’ Internal Affairs department has made an independent and impartial investigation’. Commentary 3 for Rule 14.2(a) of the handbook, Director.”
Une gave him a long, hard look.
Heero had to fight the urge to cover his face with his hands. They were sunk. Duo was going to get fired and then he was somehow going to drag Heero down with him as he always did and then it was going to be hello, unemployment. Heero didn’t think he’d do well in the fast food service industry.
“Rule 1, Agent Maxwell, states that a Preventers’ Agent owes a duty to uphold the peace of the Sphere and to comport himself in a manner such as not to sully the reputation of the organization or its work. Rule 1.1 continues, Agent Maxwell, that an Agent MUST UPHOLD THE LAW in his/her personal conduct. STEALING FROM A DIGNITARY IS AGAINST THE LAW!”
“Stealing from anyone is against the law,” Heero muttered, earning a sharp look from Une.
“Agent Yuy, do you have something to say here?” she demanded.
Heero stood very firmly at attention, hands clasped behind his back, eyes looking straight ahead.
“Very well. Agent Maxwell, you are hereby taken off the Active Duty roster. You are prohibited from taking on any and all fieldwork until such time as you can show me that you can conduct yourself in a manner befitting your station.”
“What?” Duo blurted out, breaking stance and taking a step towards Une.
Une was completely unaffected. “You heard me, Agent Maxwell,” she said.
Duo turned sharply, showing all intention of walking out.
“Furthermore…”
Duo froze, mid-stride.
“Agent Yuy, as Agent Maxwell’s partner, you too, are taken off the Active Duty roster.”
The silence that greeted that statement was deafening.
“You, my Perfect Agent,” Une paused to watch the vein in Heero’s forehead jump, as it always did when anyone called him ‘perfect’, “have the new task of teaching your partner to be a gentleman.”
Heero tried very, very hard to keep himself from scowling at his superior.
Duo, however, had no compunctions about maintaining any sort of dignity or decorum.
“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me!” he yelled, storming directly up to Une’s desk and slamming his hands on the dark oak surface. “Don’t punish him for my idiocy! If you take him off active duty, you’re shooting yourself in the balls!”
Director Une arched an eyebrow at the colourful metaphor.
But Heero could tell that Duo was just a hair shy of crossing the proverbial line this time. Une wouldn’t have taken them both off the roster if she hadn’t been well and truly pissed. Not wanting his partner to get fired…or shot…for insubordination, Heero finally broke form and stepped forward. He laid a hand on the middle of Duo’s back and Duo immediately fell silent.
“Director Une, I-what?” Heero broke off mid-sentence when he realized that Une was giving him the most peculiar look. “What? What are you looking at?” he asked, scowling as Une began to smirk.
“You’ve just proven your qualifications for your new position as Maxwell’s sitter, Agent Yuy. Congratulations.”
Both Heero and Duo gawped at her.
“Now get out of my office.”
With nothing left to say, the two now-sidelined agents slowly left Director Une’s office and walked to the elevators in a daze.
Duo opened his mouth to apologize, but Heero shushed him with one tight wave of his hand even before he had a chance to make a sound. The wait for the elevator felt like an eternity. They could both feel the curious gazes of the 40th floor Preventors staff boring into their backs and they just knew that the rumour mill would be churning overtime today.
By the time they returned to their shared office on the 25th floor, news of their enforced “hiatus” had already spread. Heero couldn’t bear the winces and the tragic, sympathetic looks, and so he stalked into his office and slammed the door shut…in Duo’s face.
“Oi!” Duo tried the doorknob and then knocked on the solid oak door. “Oi, Heero! I think you locked it when you shut it!”
There was no response from within.
“Heero!”
Duo began pounding on the door, heedless of stares he was getting from the people in the hall.
“Dude, you can’t keep me out here forever!”
There was no response from within.
“It’s my office too!”
A piece of paper slid out from under the door.
Duo took a second to read it and then resumed his pounding.
“You’re not half as funny as you think you are, Yuy!”
Another piece of paper slid out.
“No, I *don’t* think it’s fair to share an office in shifts! And even if I did, who are you to decide that you get midnight to noon?”
One of the guys from the office next door walked by smacked Duo in the butt with the file in his hand.
“Trouble with the ‘missus’, Maxwell?” he asked, laughing. “You tell Yuy that the key to any good relationship is either good communication or good sex and that you can’t do either with a door between you two.”
A third sheet of paper slid out from other said door.
“ ‘Tell Conroy to suck my cock’,” said Duo, dutifully reading the missive from Heero.
Conroy eyed Duo’s crotch and then glanced at the door from which the message came.
“Does he mean your cock on his?”
“Fuck off, man.”
Duo shoved Conroy away and turned back to the door.
“I’ll suck you, Maxwell, but I don’t do that ‘backdoor’ shit!” shouted Conroy as he continued on his way down the hall.
Duo only acknowledged him with a raised middle finger.
There was still no response from inside the office, however, and so Duo decided to resort to desperate measures.
“Excuse me, sir?” He waved at one of the building maintenance guys who was up on a ladder fixing a light in the hall. “Do you have a master key to the offices?”
When the door swung open, Heero was surprised to see a complete stranger step in. And to be fair, the stranger was pretty surprised to see Heero too.
“I-I’m sorry, sir!” he stammered. “A-agent Max-maxwell… He said…”
“Thanks, Tommy,” Duo said, clapping the man on the back. “I definitely owe you one!”
Heero blinked at his partner.
“You called maintenance to open the door?”
Duo shrugged.
“Who, Tommy? He was just standing outside… and Une said that I wasn’t allowed to perform any felonies within the Preventer compound. ‘Not even a minor misdemeanour’ she said. You think I want to get in *more* trouble? Breaking and entering is an indictable offence liable to imprisonment for up to ten years. Man, you’d think *you* would be more up on the criminal code.”
“It’s only an indictable offence if you break and enter with the intent to commit another indictable offence, idiot.”
The two sat in silence for a moment at their respective desks.
“So…” Duo fiddled with a pen he’d found on his desk. “What exactly does one do when one is taken off active duty?”
Before Heero could answer, or not answer as he was currently determined to ignore Duo for the rest of the day, his computer ‘ping’-ed to signal an incoming e-mail.
Operating on sheer muscle memory, Heero opened and read the message.
“We’ve been given a Special Mission.”
Duo perked right up.
“Aww, I knew the old broad couldn’t stay mad at us for long!” he crowed.
Heero shook his head.
“We’re to become Relena’s Special Events Security detail.”
“Shit.”
“No shit, ‘shit’, Maxwell.”
TBC
btw - the title is totally not what i want it to be. ^O^;;; hopefully after the second chapter (i think this will only be a 3 part-er), someone can help me with a better one? ^O^;;;;