We tend to Die Young - 12/12
We Tend to Die Young
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 68,689 words • 6944 words this chapter
Warnings: Drug use, sex, swearing, death, violence
Main Pairings: Gabe/Brendon, Travis/William, Travis/Katy, William/Everyone
Background Pairings: William/Tom, William/Suarez, Ryan/Cassadee, Victoria/Leighton, Alicia/Mikey, Bert/Quinn, Jon/Spencer, Gabe/Pete
Disclaimer: All these characters are real life people and not my own. This entire story is fiction; a complete figment of my imagination and so I am not implying that none of this has ever or ever will happen.
Author Note: The last one. Very much appreciated for those to comment if you like it <33 Thank you so much to everyone who's read this far. ♥ I hope the ending is alright.
Previous Parts: Click here (12/12)
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Gabe keeps a close eye on Brendon over the next few days. Sometimes the boy sleeps in Gabe's bed, sometimes Gabe sleeps in Brendon's. They alternate and Brendon doesn't really mind it, because even though Gabe is clinging, he's not fussing. Just hovering. He knows Gabe is in the living room or watching from the corner of his eye as he makes breakfast to check whenever Brendon takes his pills of a morning, and he always makes sure that he doesn't run empty. Brendon knows Gabe is worried, and he thinks he might even be scared. Such a big guy like Gabe doesn't get scared by much, but when someone he cares about is threatened then he couldn't even melt butter.
But with the constant parental role, Gabe is stressing again. He doesn't sleep at night even when he's got Brendon under his wing and he feels like he's either nagging Brendon or ignoring Travis. He grows moody quickly, and having the only thing on his mind being taking care of his friends, it leaves room to think about other things.
When Gabe and Travis are sitting on the sofa one afternoon, Gabe curled up by his best friend's side for a chance to relax as Brendon sits on the opposite sofa reading through Pete's old diary, Gabe finally looks up and decides to vocalise something that's been on his mind for a few days. "You haven't been with Katy since - it happened," he tells Travis, not really sure what he should say after.
Travis looks down at him though, dropping an arm that's draped across the back of the sofa so he can hold onto Gabe instead. "Yeah?"
"Are you still with her?" Gabe tries. Travis glances away so Gabe rubs his hand lightly against his friend's knee, massaging and trying to get him to talk. "Are you -"
"I heard," Travis mumbles. "I think we were temporary," he finally admits, looking a little down as he says it. Gabe wonders if Travis is thinking about William.
"You think?"
Travis bites his lip a little uncertainly. "Look, it was just a thing to try out how we would work. I haven't talked to her since it happened and she'd normally call me by now anyway." He shakes his head and takes his arm away so he can rest it in his lap and that's when Gabe sits up properly, but stays warmly close. "She's just a girl, Gabe."
"But you liked her," Gabe frowns, trying to hide his slight disappointment. He wants to understand. Gabe doesn't know whether Katy was just a distraction from William or not, but from the way she and Travis would look at each other and sit together was kind of sweet. It looked right.
"Maybe I did, y'know?" Travis frowns as well, but Gabe can tell he's just trying to put on some kind of expression, no matter what. He's got his head down and he picks at a thread on his jeans, so Gabe thinks he might even be lying, but Gabe knows lovers when he sees them.
Finally he admits, "I just want you to be happy, Travis. Be happy. You can be happier than this."
Travis scowls just a little and lightly pushes Gabe away. "I 'aint the only one with problems, I can be happy jus' fine," he points out, looking at Gabe seriously but only receiving a slight frown in return. "You gotta stop thinking about us, Gabe," he says then, "You're pretty fucked up, yourself."
Gabe shoves him back, just as gently. "Fuck you, I'm fine, I - "
"Denial helps, bro," Travis mutters, that time receiving a shove which is slightly harder.
"I can manage my problems. I haven't touched the smack for weeks," he points out, slightly annoyed that Travis even figures to bring it up in a conversation.
But Travis only shakes his head and looks away. "You think that's it? Drugs? As if none of us 'aint done no drugs before, Gabe. You're forgetting you're insecure, your anger control issues, your sudden need for attention and acceptance. You're putting us before yourself so you don't have to pay attention to what's in your head, so you don't have to grieve about Pete. You're -"
"Shut the fuck up," Gabe mutters the second he hears his friend's name. "You know shit about me, Travis. Don't fuckin' talk to me like that."
"It seems you know shit about yourself," Travis mumbles quite harshly, but Gabe just stands up.
"Okay," he frowns, "Whatever. I'm going to my room." He turns to walk towards the bedroom and scratch the inside of his elbow as he goes, but Travis shoots to his feet and turns to face him.
"You goin' to shoot, 'aint you? You're going to pump that shit 'til you can't feel a fucken' thing."
Gabe stops and turns around, then gives an over exaggerated shrug. "I don't know, am I? You know me fucken' better than I do." He doesn't look specifically, but out of the corner of his eye he can see Brendon perk up from where he's sitting with a look of concern on his face. When Travis only looks at him impatiently, Gabe shrugs again; properly this time. "Maybe I am."
"I didn't wanna say nothin' before, but you gotta stop this, Gabe," Travis warns. He walks around the couch so he can lean against the back and be closer to Gabe, but Gabe just frowns and takes a blind step back in the direction of the bedroom. "It's fucking dangerous, okay? I know I crave gettin' those headaches just so I can empty a whole bottle of whatever the fuck is within reach," Travis admits, gritting his teeth as he does, "But you're putting dangerous shit inside you. One mill too much and you could be just like Pete, just like Nate."
"Shut the fuck up," Gabe threatens again, instantly taking a firmer stance and squeezing his hands into fists. "You 'aint my fucken' mother, okay? I'll do whatever the fuck I want and if you don't like it then you can leave. I know you wanna."
Travis keeps himself back and waits while Gabe takes a few heavy breaths to try and calm down. He can see Gabe is thinking about what Travis said earlier, about his anger, but it only makes him look over his shoulder to see the gaping hole in the wall next to the bedroom door that he created only two weeks before.
"Y'know," Travis mutters a little darkly, "Sometimes I wish I was your momma. Then maybe it wouldn't matter that I care this damn much."
The room stays still and silent for about a minute, only the sound of Gabe's breathing infiltrating the silence. "Fucking pussy," he finally utters, but Travis appears totally unscathed by the words. When Gabe finds that he's got no reply, he turns around and walks into the bedroom, closing the door after him.
What Travis doesn't expect though is when Brendon stands up and carefully walks over to his room. There's obviously a bit of pace there, but he's still hesitant and trying to hold himself back. When he reaches the bedroom door though, there's nothing to stop him going inside, so he just takes a look behind him at Travis before slipping through the ajar door.
"Gabe," he says immediately as he carefully toes inside. He wants to get Gabe's attention as soon as possible, to stop him from taking the heroin and to keep him sober for at least a few hours longer. He gets closer to see Gabe on his knees, wiping furiously at his arm with an alcohol swab and Brendon is pleased to see he hasn't even picked up the needle yet. "Gabe, listen to me."
Gabe drops the swab and looks over his shoulder to see who it is. When he sees Brendon he turns back around to immediately open the little box back up.
"Gabe, stand the fuck up," Brendon barely whispers. He matters to Gabe, though, and with the slightly harsh tone against the whisper he finally grabs enough of Gabe's attention. He watches the man pause then reluctantly pushes himself up to his feet then turns around to look at the boy.
Brendon takes the two steps needed to close the space between them and he reaches up immediately to take a hold on the back of Gabe's neck. He hauls him down so he doesn't have to stand on his toes to press their lips together and even though it takes a while, Gabe starts to melt into it. For the first time with Gabe, Brendon wraps his arms properly around Gabe's shoulders and opens his mouth just that little bit to be able to bump their teeth together. Neither mind, in fact, Gabe slinks his arms carefully around Brendon's waist and hunches over a little more so they're at the right height.
Gabe pulls back when he's got a bit more control and stands up just a little straighter so Brendon can't go for him again. He keeps his arms around his waist though, but he does look at him curiously, "Where did that come from?" He asks quietly, almost nervously. He doesn't want this to just be something Travis put Brendon up to doing.
"Built up over time," Brendon mumbles, trying to pull Gabe a little closer as he stands on his toes, "You've done nothing but protect me and I feel bad for what I tried to do." He keeps it as a whisper and Gabe thinks he seems Brendon's eyes glaze over for just a second before he blinks it away. "Do you really want to question it?"
Brendon reaches up to kiss him again and because of the height between them, it's not as connected. But it feels softer because of that, and Gabe's always been someone who needs quiet to pay attention. He caves, if not just a little, and hoists Brendon up so they can kiss properly again. Gabe doesn't think he's ever kissed Brendon this way, not even when they're high or drunk, and to be honest he doesn't know why. Gabe's always been interested in Brendon's lips and he now knows why. They're soft, in fact, Brendon is soft, and Gabe almost feels guilty for holding onto him with such coarse hands.
Brendon finally wriggles out of Gabe's grip so he can stand flat-foot on the floor, but he stays close. Gabe tries to remember how they got close enough for their chests to be touching, but the thought is soon wiped away when he feels Brendon's hands run against his waistline. He goes to ask what the boy is doing, but he feels his hands hook under the waistline of Gabe's pants and he tugs just a little so Gabe finally knows what he wants.
"Brendon," Gabe starts, allowing himself to he pushed back by Brendon's palms on his chest to be forced to sit back down on his bed, "Brendon, are you sure you want this?" he frowns lightly.
Brendon crawls up onto the bed and sits on Gabe's thighs so he's almost in his lap, but not quite. "I'd rather you than anyone else," the boy admits, still looking a little nervous at the idea, but Gabe knows he's trying to be strong, so he's proud of him. For once, Gabe finally feels like much less of a parental figure and more like a lover when Brendon fists in Gabe's shirt to pull him closer and press their lips firmly together.
He uses the kiss to build up the courage to wrap his arms around Brendon's middle so he can turn them over, letting Brendon's head fall to his pillow so Gabe can look down at him properly. It's then that Gabe starts to undo his shirt, tugging it off his shoulders and bunching it aside for it to fall on the floor. He tugs his own over his head then starts to work on their jeans - letting them fall aside as well.
"It's been a while for me," Gabe says, as if apologising in advance if he can't live up to expectations. But when Gabe starts to kiss gently as Brendon's neck and drag down his boxers, Brendon shakes his head.
"It's been never for me," he points out, and that makes Gabe smile just a little bit. He can't help but want to do this properly, having this weird need for wanting at least one thing in Brendon's life to be good. So he grabs the blankets from where they're bunched up at the end of the bed and hauls them up over his shoulder, allowing both men to be covered as he spreads Brendon's legs apart.
Gabe can feel Brendon's eyes on him watching every move as he sticks three fingers in his mouth and is careful to slick them up. He isn't sure what he's meant to say to assure Brendon it will be okay, or something, so he reluctantly stays quiet when he takes his fingers away and drops his hand down past his belt line.
At least Gabe knows that Brendon has gotten off before, even if it's been on his own. He can tell in the way that Brendon looks more comfortable than anything when Gabe wraps his other hand around his length, twisting his wrist and stroking him slowly as a distraction for while he presses a finger to the boy's hole. When he dips it in and pushes past that first ring of muscle, that's when Gabe can see Brendon pull a face of discomfort and adjust himself on the bed. "You can touch me," Gabe assures, and almost instantly Brendon lifts a hand from the bedding to hold onto Gabe's shoulder instead.
He hopes his fingers are slicked enough as he starts rubbing it in and out. He can feel Brendon tense a little so he leans down to quickly whisper, "Don't do that," and waits until he feels Brendon start to relax before moving his finger again. Gabe lets his lips find their way to kiss at Brendon's chest and nipples as an extra distraction as he moves his hand out just enough to push in an extra finger.
Brendon inhales a little sharply so Gabe is much more careful to move his hand, even though he just wants to get right on with the extra stretching. He tries to bend his fingers in a way to nudge against Brendon's prostate but the boy only shifts and squirms uncomfortably at first, so Gabe just works on scissoring when his fingers are in to the knuckle.
He can hear Brendon make this little sound and Gabe starts to feel guilty for his thoughts of wanting to just get in him. Nevertheless he holds back and crooks his fingers again at a slightly different angle, which finally makes Brendon whimper slightly as he digs his nails into Gabe's shoulder. "Good?" Gabe whispers harshly against his nipple, causing Brendon to quickly nod. "Good."
He doesn't take as long with the third finger, only pushing his fingers in and out until he can tell that Brendon is squirming from pleasure and not from discomfort. He finally pulls his fingers out and wipes his hand on the bedsheets, then takes his hand from Brendon's dick and wraps his fingers around his own. His basically dry palm is slightly uncomfortable at first but he's not bothered by it once he's properly hard.
For a moment Gabe thinks he might even be more nervous than Brendon is about this, but when he looks up to see Brendon's scared little smile he feels like he should slap himself for even considering it. He kisses Brendon's chest once then twice to keep him relaxed as he shuffles a little way up the bed, lines himself up and then begins to push in. He can feel Brendon's chest arch against his own and his nails digging into his shoulder again, so he knows it must hurt without their possession of lube. But he just keeps kissing, holding himself up with a hand either side of the boy's chest so he's go the right leverage and is within reach of his lips.
Gabe quickly presses their lips together in a kiss when he hears Brendon whimper, and so he tries to hold himself up with one hand as he moves the other down to wrap around Brendon's length. He doesn't move for a moment just so Brendon can grow accustomed to the feeling, but after a few seconds he hears Brendon groan in the back of his throat out of impatience.
With a gentle jerk of his hips Gabe pulls out and thrusts back in. It cues for Brendon's toes to curl and his mouth to fall open, only giving Gabe silent permission to kiss him more fully again. He hums through Brendon's mouth as he rocks his hips again, waiting for that initial burn to go away so he can hear Brendon's moans.
"You holdin' up okay?" Gabe whispers against his lips, just as he gives a twist of his wrist. He hears Brendon nod and mumble his assurance that gives Gabe a cheeky little smirk. He takes his hand away from Brendon's hardness for a moment so he can hook his hand under his thigh and hoist his leg up, urging Brendon to wrap his legs around his middle. He soon gets the idea and Brendon lifts up both, already starting to dig his heels into Gabe's lower back to get him deeper.
When Brendon lets loose a strangled whimper, Gabe wonders whether this is anything the boy would think it to be; better or worse. He uses both hands to hold himself up now and doesn't mind it at all when Brendon lifts both hands to cup the back of Gabe's neck, dragging his nails against his shoulders as well.
With a simple groan of Gabe's name coming from Brendon's lips, it seems to inflate Gabe's ego just enough to rock and grind their hips more desperately together. Brendon's back arches and his heels dig in harder, making Gabe even more determined to give him a first time to remember. He rests his lips against Brendon's cheek, close enough to his ear to whisper teasingly, "You're fucking tight," and Brendon just seems to fall apart. He can't help but tense again even when Gabe told him not to, but it only makes Gabe moan against his cheek and force himself to kiss him again so he doesn't get too loud.
They can only hope that Travis doesn't hear, or mind. "Good - So good," Brendon mumbles harshly, even whispering a few curses as Gabe rolls his hips up harder to hit that spot that he found with his fingers. "Fuck," he says a little louder, not even thinking if he's leaving marks over Gabe's back from his nails that are normally bitten down to a barely-there length, but still long enough to scratch. Gabe doesn't mind though, he doesn't mind at all, instead just jerking his hips again and again to make sure he's hitting that spot.
"I have to come," Brendon warns, barely making it to the level of coherency, "Fuck, Gabe, I need to -"
Gabe cuts him off with another kiss and bites gently on Brendon's lip. He quickly snakes a hand down to immediately twist his wrist around his hardness, doing what he can to let Brendon let go. When Gabe rubs his thumb against Brendon's slit, the boy can hold back a groan and another sharp buck of his hips before letting go and coming over Gabe's stomach.
Gabe thrusts harder and faster, trying to cherish the tensing of Brendon's muscles through his orgasm to make it harder to hold back. He drops his hand to thumb against his hip and press his tongue into his mouth again, giving himself a chance to muffle his moan when he finally lets go. He rides through his orgasm, even though Brendon is already spent, and pulls out when he finds himself panting over the boy.
In the cold it always feels better to stay in, stay close and stay warm, but Gabe needs to collapse to Brendon's side and drape an arm across his stomach. He's not in the mood for the itch or the discomfort, so he leaves it out and instead tugs Brendon a little closer while they catch their breath.
"Stay here tonight," Gabe mumbles, face half-buried in the pillow. Brendon just nods and huddles closer, never minding the stickiness between the blankets as he kisses into Gabe's shoulder.
-~*~-
Gabe wakes to a cold bed and for the moment, he thinks that Brendon has left him. He isn't sure why this makes him sad, even just the slightest, but as he forces himself to sit up and take just a short look around, he releases a breath he didn't realise he was holding when he finds Brendon still in bed; just curled up on the other side. He tries to ease into a smile but finds it difficult when the morning chill is getting to his shirtlessness, so he instead just tugs the blankets up over his shoulders and shuffles over so he's closer to the boy.
Brendon only stirs at first, but Gabe manages to wake up him up properly with a few kisses and an arm around his waist. "You're cold," Brendon grumbles, wriggling to try and get away but it just makes Gabe laugh a little breathlessly. He touches Brendon's hip again, just to tease, and this time earns a little grunt from him as he tries to slip away.
"You'll fall off the bed," Gabe whispers hoarsely, and that alone seems to be enough to convince Brendon to edge a little closer. "It'll warm up soon," he adds, "Promise."
Gabe somehow convinces Brendon to let him kiss with cold lips until they've realised that the cold has woken them up, enough so that they're definitely not getting back to sleep any time soon. Although they're awake, they're still cold, and both of them have a pretty good idea about how freezing the wooden floors are against bare feet this early on a winter morning. So of course, they try to stall, but it's Travis that interrupts them.
The bedroom door opens and it makes the two peek up from underneath the comforter, just as their friend throws a bundled up piece of clothing at them. Gabe ducks his head to dodge before he sits up straighter and holds it out, realising it's one of his hoodies. Travis already has one on as well as some thick looking pyjama pants and some holey socks. "It's negative thirteen," he grumbles, walking back out of the bedroom without another word.
Gabe smirks when he hears Brendon groan from where he's hidden under the blankets. Gabe shoves the hoodie under the blankets so Brendon can put it on, then reluctantly crawls out of bed and tip toes quickly across the cold floors to his chest of drawers. He flings one of the drawers open quickly to grab some briefs, barely tugging them on properly before he's already digging around for some clean jeans and a t-shirt. When he's in the middle of pulling on some thick socks, he glances over to see Brendon sitting up with bed with his hair sticking out in all directions; the hoodie pulled around him tightly and his bottom half hidden by the comforter. His goofy, half-awake smile is contagious.
Gabe doesn't want that smile to go away, so he grabs some socks from his drawers and throws them over, then leaves to get to Brendon's room and find some clothes for him that will fit. When he comes back with his arms full of thicker, warmer clothes, Brendon's looking a little more awake sat atop of the blankets with the hoodie so oversized that it covers up his downstairs. Gabe drops the clothes on the bed and Brendon stretches up to give him a thankful little kiss on the cheek.
"How are you?" Brendon asks, quietly to keep the mood pleasant. He keeps that smile on his face which means Gabe, again, finds it contagious, then allows Gabe to kiss him properly as he crawls back up onto the bed.
"Better," Gabe admits with his hands resting on Brendon's thighs. He looks down as he strokes his thumb against the bare skin and can't help leaning forward to give him another kiss, this time just underneath his jaw. "Much better."
When Brendon is finally dressed, they get up and walk out into the main part of the loft. Gabe's thankful to see that Travis isn't acting bitter about their little fight the previous day, and he's not being bitter about how Brendon and Gabe spent the night together. Gabe's more thankful for that, because he knows it must be hard for Travis after having William walk out.
After a half-heartedly eaten breakfast of almost-burnt toast, the three decide that they need to talk. A proper talk, about everything that's been going on, because they all know very well that Gabe is one to bottle things up, and without William there, Travis is one to bottle up too. They change clothes into something decent to go outside with, because even though it's freezing outside, it's freezing inside too. Plus the loft just seems to have so many negative memories within it, and perhaps a change of scenery is best.
They step outside and instead of driving in Travis' cab, they walk, enduring the wind and snow to get to where they need to be. Without much sense of direction, they find themselves walking towards the waterfront and may or may not be lead by Gabe. Brendon walks between them, both hands being held by his two friends, and he even smiles when they come to their destination.
Instead of finding a spot to sit on the ground close to the water, Brendon takes the lead and brings them a littler further north. They find a few docks uninhabited and decide it can't hurt to sit with their legs hanging off the edge, plus there are some large crates barricading one side so they can lean up against them to be blocked off from the wind. They sit with their legs crossed, huddled up, hoping that maybe this will give them a chance to get things out in the open. There aren't any people around, the loft is far behind and Brendon's hand is still held tightly in Gabe's grip.
For the first half hour, Gabe just smiles. He only slightly loosens his grip around Brendon's hand but the boy restrengthens it anyway, because he's smiling too, for the exact same reason. Travis stays unaware as the two men next to him watch the water lapping at itself with the wind, and even though it's not as still as it once was, they still find it calming. It clears their mind enough for Gabe to turn his head to look at Travis, and it gives him enough of a voice to speak.
"Do you love Katy?" He asks quietly, almost nervously as he starts to rub his thumb over Brendon's knuckles.
Travis stays quiet a moment and Gabe can see as he exhales, slumps just a little and focuses more on the water. "I don't know," he says finally, then frowns as he looks up at Gabe. "Do I?"
Gabe gets quieter then (if that's even possible) and breaks his gaze away from Travis. "You've known her just a little bit," he points out, but furrows his brow the slightest as if trying to think, making it up as he goes along. Watching the water helps. "I don't think you're allowed to love her yet."
Immediately, Gabe sees Brendon shaking his head. He takes his hand away from Gabe's and bunch both of his in his lap to keep them warm, then looks at Travis seriously. "Don't listen to that," he tells him, keeping his eyes set on Travis'. "You can love whoever you want, whenever you want. There 'aint no time limit on that, Travie."
Gabe reaches an arm out so he can wrap it around Brendon's shoulders and uses that to tug the boy closer. When he's gotten him to sit so that he's leaning up against Gabe more than anything, Gabe kisses into the boy's hair while looking up at Travis in thought. "I think you should move in with her," he says quietly, causing Travis' eyes to widen in scepticism more than anything. "No, I do," Gabe assures, then shakes his head and looks down as Brendon looks up. "It'll be lonely in the loft, but I'll have Brendon."
Brendon swallows but smiles, and with the look in Gabe's eyes, Brendon thinks that means I love you. So silently, carefully, Brendon wraps his arms around Gabe's middle and nuzzles into his friend's shoulder.
Gabe thinks that means I love you too.
For a few extra minutes, Gabe lets the silence overtake. He guesses Travis has some thinking to do, and he doesn't mind that even though they came down here to talk that they're being quiet more than anything. It's more relaxing, really, and relaxing is just what they need. He sticks with the silence as he begins to curl his fingers around Brendon's short hair, both of them losing themselves in the sound of the water lapping against the docks.
"You guys seem pretty tight lately," Gabe suddenly hears, so he stills his hand and looks over to see Travis watching them with this little smile, this smile that just says I know. He doesn't say anything at first as Brendon shifts to get comfortable so he's not completely bent over to lean against him, and in doing so gives Gabe time to rummage through his pockets for a cigarette. He tells himself he needs the warmth. "Do you love each other?"
Gabe knows Brendon is waiting for Gabe to answer. At first he doesn't say yes, or no, but he doesn't shake his head or nod either. He just slips a cigarette from the packet and holds it in his mouth as he lights it, instantly feeling the warmth - no matter how choking or cancerous it may be - sliding down his throat as he inhales.
"I'm not allowed to love Brendon. The law says so."
He turns his head to look at Travis frown in confusion and Brendon just sort of stares. He doesn't look disappointed, he doesn't look baffled; he just looks. Travis finally shakes his head and asks, "What?" and Gabe rolls his eyes with another inhale.
"He's seventeen, you know," he points out.
Immediately, Gabe hears Travis scoff and looks over at him to see Travis laughing a little sarcastically. "Since when have you followed the fuckin' law?" he asks with a cocked eyebrow.
All Gabe can do is grin as he holds his cigarette between his teeth. He doesn't think he even needs to respond to that, and Brendon and Travis don't think so either.
For a while, Gabe just breathes like that, using the cigarette as a sort-of straw for his oxygen. He watches the water, listening to it grab at the posts that hold up the jetty and wonders if Brendon is thinking about it too, but when he looks back at them he gets distracted when he sees Travis looking more focused on his lap than anything. "Trav?" Gabe tries, snatching the cigarette from his lips to hold between his teeth as he does. "What's eatin' ya'?"
Travis looks up as if he hasn't realised that he was staring off into space. He laughs quietly and shakes his head as he rubs at his cheek with his palm, but his eyes all too easily fall onto watching the whipped sea. "Jus' thinkin', y'know. I mean while we're talkin' I may as well say it out loud," he shrugs, catching Brendon's and Gabe's attention even further. "William called me."
Gabe's eyebrows shouldn't raise. He shouldn't be surprised and he shouldn't be thrown off by the fact that William called Travis instead of anyone else.
"He told me what was goin' on. Apparently, that, um. That Alex guy, he's already let Bill move in." Gabe watches as Travis sits with his shoulders slumped, his eyes somewhere far from either Gabe's or Brendon's face. "He sounded really happy, Gabe," he says much more quietly, "Happier than when he's getting' high with us, or when he does that real goofy lookin' smile in the morning while he's still spent. I could practically hear him smilin', y'know?"
Gabe and Brendon remain silent, but Gabe can see as the boy subconsciously shifts a little closer so that Gabe will wrap an arm back around him. Gabe doesn't think twice.
Travis shakes his head, then, finally lifting it so he's not just a pile of glum on the ground. "He told me he loved me, Gabe. He told me right before we hung up."
Before giving himself much of a chance to think, Gabe straightens up (of course keeping an arm around Brendon) and opens his mouth, "How did he mean?"
But Travis just shakes his head again, this time a little more meaningfully and less of just a gesture. "Don't think it matters," he says simply with a little bit of a shrug, then he finally looks over to make some sort of eye contact. "I'm happy he's got a life now. Y'know? I'm happy that he called me at least. I'm just.. I'm happy he still knows the right stuff to say."
Gabe reaches a hand out past Brendon to rest on Travis' shoulder. "Maybe," he breathes, a little hesitantly, "Maybe when we get back, you should call Katy." He tries to hold back a flinch when Travis gives him a look. "You should go out with her. You're happy with her. You should make sure you haven't broken up with her yet. I know you're still thinkin' 'bout this stuff, but -"
"Gabe," Travis interrupts with this tiny smile, but a smile nonetheless, "It's okay. Don't worry. I'll call her when we get back." There's a bit of reassurance in his voice, but there's more reassurance in his eyes when he gives Gabe a more genuine smile. "And maybe it wouldn't hurt if I moved out, y'know?"
Gabe shrugs lightly as he drops his hand so he can use it to wrap another arm around Brendon's middle. "I don't think it would." He pauses for a moment to stub his cigarette out on the dock, then looks back up at his friend with a little grin, "You'd fit in on the east side."
Instantly, Travis breaks out into a grin and leans over to lightly shove Gabe's arm. "Fuck you, man," he laughs, keeping that smile on Gabe's face as he adjusts his sitting to get more comfortable.
When the laughter dies, though, Brendon lifts his head to look at Travis almost sadly. "I'd miss you," he admits, so quietly even Gabe barely hears it.
"Beeden," Travis says just as quietly back, but raises an eyebrow as he leans a little closer, "I'd definitely come visit, you 'aint gettin' rid of me that easily." It puts at least a small smile back on Brendon's face as Travis kisses his forehead then ruffles up his hair.
"We could move into a house then, Brendon," Gabe points out, squeezing him lightly to get his attention. "Instead of the loft. If it were just you and me then we wouldn't need such a big place, y'know."
Brendon keeps smiling but Gabe can tell it falters for a second. "I'd like that," he mumbles, curling up to get closer but also to hide his face a little. "I'd miss the loft though," he admits.
Gabe nods easily at that. "I know we've had a lot of memories there," he starts, rubbing a hand lightly against Brendon's arms to warm him and ease him up. "But there's so much I just don't know I'd be able to face, y'know?"
Brendon nods a little sadly. It would be strange living in a house at first, even if they still rented rather than owned. It would be weird to leave so many things behind. Even if they're bad things, like Pete's death place and Nate's too, it would still feel like a part of them would be missing. Brendon doesn't have to voice it for Gabe to understand, because he's thinking the same thing.
Finally Brendon caves and looks up at Gabe through dark lashes, "Do you think they're really up there watching us?" he breathes, curling up a little tighter. Gabe has to glance away though, not really sure how to answer just yet. He takes the time to distract himself by taking out another cigarette and lighting it between his teeth.
He shakes his head, "I don't know, Brendon."
Another few seconds silence, another bitten lip, "Do you think they're happier now?"
Gabe just breathes. In and out, in and out, as long as it's through his cancer straw. "I dunno, Brendon."
This time, less of a pause, "Do you think they're proud of us making it through?"
Gabe stays silent and works on blinking away anything pessimistic that's running through his mind before it can get to his tear ducts.
"Do you -"
Finally, Travis cuts in by reaching over to wrap an arm around Brendon's shoulders. The boy finally gets the hint when Travis pulls him into more of a hug and he looks down a little shamefully, though more apologetically than anything.
"I do," he mumbles.
Gabe dubs his cigarette out too soon and tries to pass off his sniffling for being in the cold. It's at least another three cigarettes later, though, another two coughing fits and just one thought that maybe he's been too cruel to his body that the wind starts to die down, even though they couldn't feel it in the first place. If Gabe would look up from where he's turning his cigarette lighter in his hand, he would see that the sun has already passed from being in the middle of the sky and it's turning into late afternoon, just as he lights up his fifth cigarette.
It's not until Travis actually speaks, though, that he realises this whole time has been spent in silence. Not even with the lapping of the water against the dock, not even with the shuffling of their feet. Just the click click as Gabe plays with his lighter, the in out of their slow, quiet breathing. "What's with Brendon's capital 'u'?"
Brendon looks up at Travis with a confused look, so Gabe turns his head and taps his shoulder to get the boy to look at him. Brendon frowns gently but Gabe shakes his head and smiles at Travis. "I dunno, he has been smilin' pretty wide," he shrugs, then draws the letter 'u' in the air and grins to show Brendon what they mean. "You high or somethin'?"
"No!" Brendon says immediately, eyes going a little wide as he shrinks down to curl into a tighter ball. "I mean - Just. No. I don't know." He shrugs and rests his chin on his knees as he holds them up to his chest, and finds himself smiling again as he looks out at the practically still water. "I'm just smilin'."
Gabe chuckles lightly and watches as the smoke comes out in puffs in front of him with each breath. He smiles and watches it, but that's when Brendon pokes at his arm and raises an eyebrow. "What about you?" he asks, "You high?"
Gabe smirks at him. He takes a look at his cigarette and thinks about how cannabis-free it is, then exchanges a glance with his friend over Brendon's shoulder. Travis smiles at him, and Gabe doesn't know why, but he grins just a little wider as he dubs out the half-finished cancer stick on the wooden jetty.
"Nope."
Half of their family is gone. Brendon's parents are still fighting, his grades are still slipping and he's still got a bucket full of pills back home. Travis' stomach is still rotting, his boss' lenience on his sick days is thinning, and the only cash that they have is what Gabe took from Singer - which adds up to being only a few hundred. But none of them think about that. None of them think about that at all as Gabe wraps his arm around Brendon's shoulders, as Travis holds onto Gabe's hand. It's just the still water, the silence that they get all to themselves whenever they want. Because they're happy.
At least, they're happy enough for a city like Buffalo.
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 68,689 words • 6944 words this chapter
Warnings: Drug use, sex, swearing, death, violence
Main Pairings: Gabe/Brendon, Travis/William, Travis/Katy, William/Everyone
Background Pairings: William/Tom, William/Suarez, Ryan/Cassadee, Victoria/Leighton, Alicia/Mikey, Bert/Quinn, Jon/Spencer, Gabe/Pete
Disclaimer: All these characters are real life people and not my own. This entire story is fiction; a complete figment of my imagination and so I am not implying that none of this has ever or ever will happen.
Author Note: The last one. Very much appreciated for those to comment if you like it <33 Thank you so much to everyone who's read this far. ♥ I hope the ending is alright.
Previous Parts: Click here (12/12)
Click the banner for a short synopsis/blurb/summary of the fic.
Gabe keeps a close eye on Brendon over the next few days. Sometimes the boy sleeps in Gabe's bed, sometimes Gabe sleeps in Brendon's. They alternate and Brendon doesn't really mind it, because even though Gabe is clinging, he's not fussing. Just hovering. He knows Gabe is in the living room or watching from the corner of his eye as he makes breakfast to check whenever Brendon takes his pills of a morning, and he always makes sure that he doesn't run empty. Brendon knows Gabe is worried, and he thinks he might even be scared. Such a big guy like Gabe doesn't get scared by much, but when someone he cares about is threatened then he couldn't even melt butter.
But with the constant parental role, Gabe is stressing again. He doesn't sleep at night even when he's got Brendon under his wing and he feels like he's either nagging Brendon or ignoring Travis. He grows moody quickly, and having the only thing on his mind being taking care of his friends, it leaves room to think about other things.
When Gabe and Travis are sitting on the sofa one afternoon, Gabe curled up by his best friend's side for a chance to relax as Brendon sits on the opposite sofa reading through Pete's old diary, Gabe finally looks up and decides to vocalise something that's been on his mind for a few days. "You haven't been with Katy since - it happened," he tells Travis, not really sure what he should say after.
Travis looks down at him though, dropping an arm that's draped across the back of the sofa so he can hold onto Gabe instead. "Yeah?"
"Are you still with her?" Gabe tries. Travis glances away so Gabe rubs his hand lightly against his friend's knee, massaging and trying to get him to talk. "Are you -"
"I heard," Travis mumbles. "I think we were temporary," he finally admits, looking a little down as he says it. Gabe wonders if Travis is thinking about William.
"You think?"
Travis bites his lip a little uncertainly. "Look, it was just a thing to try out how we would work. I haven't talked to her since it happened and she'd normally call me by now anyway." He shakes his head and takes his arm away so he can rest it in his lap and that's when Gabe sits up properly, but stays warmly close. "She's just a girl, Gabe."
"But you liked her," Gabe frowns, trying to hide his slight disappointment. He wants to understand. Gabe doesn't know whether Katy was just a distraction from William or not, but from the way she and Travis would look at each other and sit together was kind of sweet. It looked right.
"Maybe I did, y'know?" Travis frowns as well, but Gabe can tell he's just trying to put on some kind of expression, no matter what. He's got his head down and he picks at a thread on his jeans, so Gabe thinks he might even be lying, but Gabe knows lovers when he sees them.
Finally he admits, "I just want you to be happy, Travis. Be happy. You can be happier than this."
Travis scowls just a little and lightly pushes Gabe away. "I 'aint the only one with problems, I can be happy jus' fine," he points out, looking at Gabe seriously but only receiving a slight frown in return. "You gotta stop thinking about us, Gabe," he says then, "You're pretty fucked up, yourself."
Gabe shoves him back, just as gently. "Fuck you, I'm fine, I - "
"Denial helps, bro," Travis mutters, that time receiving a shove which is slightly harder.
"I can manage my problems. I haven't touched the smack for weeks," he points out, slightly annoyed that Travis even figures to bring it up in a conversation.
But Travis only shakes his head and looks away. "You think that's it? Drugs? As if none of us 'aint done no drugs before, Gabe. You're forgetting you're insecure, your anger control issues, your sudden need for attention and acceptance. You're putting us before yourself so you don't have to pay attention to what's in your head, so you don't have to grieve about Pete. You're -"
"Shut the fuck up," Gabe mutters the second he hears his friend's name. "You know shit about me, Travis. Don't fuckin' talk to me like that."
"It seems you know shit about yourself," Travis mumbles quite harshly, but Gabe just stands up.
"Okay," he frowns, "Whatever. I'm going to my room." He turns to walk towards the bedroom and scratch the inside of his elbow as he goes, but Travis shoots to his feet and turns to face him.
"You goin' to shoot, 'aint you? You're going to pump that shit 'til you can't feel a fucken' thing."
Gabe stops and turns around, then gives an over exaggerated shrug. "I don't know, am I? You know me fucken' better than I do." He doesn't look specifically, but out of the corner of his eye he can see Brendon perk up from where he's sitting with a look of concern on his face. When Travis only looks at him impatiently, Gabe shrugs again; properly this time. "Maybe I am."
"I didn't wanna say nothin' before, but you gotta stop this, Gabe," Travis warns. He walks around the couch so he can lean against the back and be closer to Gabe, but Gabe just frowns and takes a blind step back in the direction of the bedroom. "It's fucking dangerous, okay? I know I crave gettin' those headaches just so I can empty a whole bottle of whatever the fuck is within reach," Travis admits, gritting his teeth as he does, "But you're putting dangerous shit inside you. One mill too much and you could be just like Pete, just like Nate."
"Shut the fuck up," Gabe threatens again, instantly taking a firmer stance and squeezing his hands into fists. "You 'aint my fucken' mother, okay? I'll do whatever the fuck I want and if you don't like it then you can leave. I know you wanna."
Travis keeps himself back and waits while Gabe takes a few heavy breaths to try and calm down. He can see Gabe is thinking about what Travis said earlier, about his anger, but it only makes him look over his shoulder to see the gaping hole in the wall next to the bedroom door that he created only two weeks before.
"Y'know," Travis mutters a little darkly, "Sometimes I wish I was your momma. Then maybe it wouldn't matter that I care this damn much."
The room stays still and silent for about a minute, only the sound of Gabe's breathing infiltrating the silence. "Fucking pussy," he finally utters, but Travis appears totally unscathed by the words. When Gabe finds that he's got no reply, he turns around and walks into the bedroom, closing the door after him.
What Travis doesn't expect though is when Brendon stands up and carefully walks over to his room. There's obviously a bit of pace there, but he's still hesitant and trying to hold himself back. When he reaches the bedroom door though, there's nothing to stop him going inside, so he just takes a look behind him at Travis before slipping through the ajar door.
"Gabe," he says immediately as he carefully toes inside. He wants to get Gabe's attention as soon as possible, to stop him from taking the heroin and to keep him sober for at least a few hours longer. He gets closer to see Gabe on his knees, wiping furiously at his arm with an alcohol swab and Brendon is pleased to see he hasn't even picked up the needle yet. "Gabe, listen to me."
Gabe drops the swab and looks over his shoulder to see who it is. When he sees Brendon he turns back around to immediately open the little box back up.
"Gabe, stand the fuck up," Brendon barely whispers. He matters to Gabe, though, and with the slightly harsh tone against the whisper he finally grabs enough of Gabe's attention. He watches the man pause then reluctantly pushes himself up to his feet then turns around to look at the boy.
Brendon takes the two steps needed to close the space between them and he reaches up immediately to take a hold on the back of Gabe's neck. He hauls him down so he doesn't have to stand on his toes to press their lips together and even though it takes a while, Gabe starts to melt into it. For the first time with Gabe, Brendon wraps his arms properly around Gabe's shoulders and opens his mouth just that little bit to be able to bump their teeth together. Neither mind, in fact, Gabe slinks his arms carefully around Brendon's waist and hunches over a little more so they're at the right height.
Gabe pulls back when he's got a bit more control and stands up just a little straighter so Brendon can't go for him again. He keeps his arms around his waist though, but he does look at him curiously, "Where did that come from?" He asks quietly, almost nervously. He doesn't want this to just be something Travis put Brendon up to doing.
"Built up over time," Brendon mumbles, trying to pull Gabe a little closer as he stands on his toes, "You've done nothing but protect me and I feel bad for what I tried to do." He keeps it as a whisper and Gabe thinks he seems Brendon's eyes glaze over for just a second before he blinks it away. "Do you really want to question it?"
Brendon reaches up to kiss him again and because of the height between them, it's not as connected. But it feels softer because of that, and Gabe's always been someone who needs quiet to pay attention. He caves, if not just a little, and hoists Brendon up so they can kiss properly again. Gabe doesn't think he's ever kissed Brendon this way, not even when they're high or drunk, and to be honest he doesn't know why. Gabe's always been interested in Brendon's lips and he now knows why. They're soft, in fact, Brendon is soft, and Gabe almost feels guilty for holding onto him with such coarse hands.
Brendon finally wriggles out of Gabe's grip so he can stand flat-foot on the floor, but he stays close. Gabe tries to remember how they got close enough for their chests to be touching, but the thought is soon wiped away when he feels Brendon's hands run against his waistline. He goes to ask what the boy is doing, but he feels his hands hook under the waistline of Gabe's pants and he tugs just a little so Gabe finally knows what he wants.
"Brendon," Gabe starts, allowing himself to he pushed back by Brendon's palms on his chest to be forced to sit back down on his bed, "Brendon, are you sure you want this?" he frowns lightly.
Brendon crawls up onto the bed and sits on Gabe's thighs so he's almost in his lap, but not quite. "I'd rather you than anyone else," the boy admits, still looking a little nervous at the idea, but Gabe knows he's trying to be strong, so he's proud of him. For once, Gabe finally feels like much less of a parental figure and more like a lover when Brendon fists in Gabe's shirt to pull him closer and press their lips firmly together.
He uses the kiss to build up the courage to wrap his arms around Brendon's middle so he can turn them over, letting Brendon's head fall to his pillow so Gabe can look down at him properly. It's then that Gabe starts to undo his shirt, tugging it off his shoulders and bunching it aside for it to fall on the floor. He tugs his own over his head then starts to work on their jeans - letting them fall aside as well.
"It's been a while for me," Gabe says, as if apologising in advance if he can't live up to expectations. But when Gabe starts to kiss gently as Brendon's neck and drag down his boxers, Brendon shakes his head.
"It's been never for me," he points out, and that makes Gabe smile just a little bit. He can't help but want to do this properly, having this weird need for wanting at least one thing in Brendon's life to be good. So he grabs the blankets from where they're bunched up at the end of the bed and hauls them up over his shoulder, allowing both men to be covered as he spreads Brendon's legs apart.
Gabe can feel Brendon's eyes on him watching every move as he sticks three fingers in his mouth and is careful to slick them up. He isn't sure what he's meant to say to assure Brendon it will be okay, or something, so he reluctantly stays quiet when he takes his fingers away and drops his hand down past his belt line.
At least Gabe knows that Brendon has gotten off before, even if it's been on his own. He can tell in the way that Brendon looks more comfortable than anything when Gabe wraps his other hand around his length, twisting his wrist and stroking him slowly as a distraction for while he presses a finger to the boy's hole. When he dips it in and pushes past that first ring of muscle, that's when Gabe can see Brendon pull a face of discomfort and adjust himself on the bed. "You can touch me," Gabe assures, and almost instantly Brendon lifts a hand from the bedding to hold onto Gabe's shoulder instead.
He hopes his fingers are slicked enough as he starts rubbing it in and out. He can feel Brendon tense a little so he leans down to quickly whisper, "Don't do that," and waits until he feels Brendon start to relax before moving his finger again. Gabe lets his lips find their way to kiss at Brendon's chest and nipples as an extra distraction as he moves his hand out just enough to push in an extra finger.
Brendon inhales a little sharply so Gabe is much more careful to move his hand, even though he just wants to get right on with the extra stretching. He tries to bend his fingers in a way to nudge against Brendon's prostate but the boy only shifts and squirms uncomfortably at first, so Gabe just works on scissoring when his fingers are in to the knuckle.
He can hear Brendon make this little sound and Gabe starts to feel guilty for his thoughts of wanting to just get in him. Nevertheless he holds back and crooks his fingers again at a slightly different angle, which finally makes Brendon whimper slightly as he digs his nails into Gabe's shoulder. "Good?" Gabe whispers harshly against his nipple, causing Brendon to quickly nod. "Good."
He doesn't take as long with the third finger, only pushing his fingers in and out until he can tell that Brendon is squirming from pleasure and not from discomfort. He finally pulls his fingers out and wipes his hand on the bedsheets, then takes his hand from Brendon's dick and wraps his fingers around his own. His basically dry palm is slightly uncomfortable at first but he's not bothered by it once he's properly hard.
For a moment Gabe thinks he might even be more nervous than Brendon is about this, but when he looks up to see Brendon's scared little smile he feels like he should slap himself for even considering it. He kisses Brendon's chest once then twice to keep him relaxed as he shuffles a little way up the bed, lines himself up and then begins to push in. He can feel Brendon's chest arch against his own and his nails digging into his shoulder again, so he knows it must hurt without their possession of lube. But he just keeps kissing, holding himself up with a hand either side of the boy's chest so he's go the right leverage and is within reach of his lips.
Gabe quickly presses their lips together in a kiss when he hears Brendon whimper, and so he tries to hold himself up with one hand as he moves the other down to wrap around Brendon's length. He doesn't move for a moment just so Brendon can grow accustomed to the feeling, but after a few seconds he hears Brendon groan in the back of his throat out of impatience.
With a gentle jerk of his hips Gabe pulls out and thrusts back in. It cues for Brendon's toes to curl and his mouth to fall open, only giving Gabe silent permission to kiss him more fully again. He hums through Brendon's mouth as he rocks his hips again, waiting for that initial burn to go away so he can hear Brendon's moans.
"You holdin' up okay?" Gabe whispers against his lips, just as he gives a twist of his wrist. He hears Brendon nod and mumble his assurance that gives Gabe a cheeky little smirk. He takes his hand away from Brendon's hardness for a moment so he can hook his hand under his thigh and hoist his leg up, urging Brendon to wrap his legs around his middle. He soon gets the idea and Brendon lifts up both, already starting to dig his heels into Gabe's lower back to get him deeper.
When Brendon lets loose a strangled whimper, Gabe wonders whether this is anything the boy would think it to be; better or worse. He uses both hands to hold himself up now and doesn't mind it at all when Brendon lifts both hands to cup the back of Gabe's neck, dragging his nails against his shoulders as well.
With a simple groan of Gabe's name coming from Brendon's lips, it seems to inflate Gabe's ego just enough to rock and grind their hips more desperately together. Brendon's back arches and his heels dig in harder, making Gabe even more determined to give him a first time to remember. He rests his lips against Brendon's cheek, close enough to his ear to whisper teasingly, "You're fucking tight," and Brendon just seems to fall apart. He can't help but tense again even when Gabe told him not to, but it only makes Gabe moan against his cheek and force himself to kiss him again so he doesn't get too loud.
They can only hope that Travis doesn't hear, or mind. "Good - So good," Brendon mumbles harshly, even whispering a few curses as Gabe rolls his hips up harder to hit that spot that he found with his fingers. "Fuck," he says a little louder, not even thinking if he's leaving marks over Gabe's back from his nails that are normally bitten down to a barely-there length, but still long enough to scratch. Gabe doesn't mind though, he doesn't mind at all, instead just jerking his hips again and again to make sure he's hitting that spot.
"I have to come," Brendon warns, barely making it to the level of coherency, "Fuck, Gabe, I need to -"
Gabe cuts him off with another kiss and bites gently on Brendon's lip. He quickly snakes a hand down to immediately twist his wrist around his hardness, doing what he can to let Brendon let go. When Gabe rubs his thumb against Brendon's slit, the boy can hold back a groan and another sharp buck of his hips before letting go and coming over Gabe's stomach.
Gabe thrusts harder and faster, trying to cherish the tensing of Brendon's muscles through his orgasm to make it harder to hold back. He drops his hand to thumb against his hip and press his tongue into his mouth again, giving himself a chance to muffle his moan when he finally lets go. He rides through his orgasm, even though Brendon is already spent, and pulls out when he finds himself panting over the boy.
In the cold it always feels better to stay in, stay close and stay warm, but Gabe needs to collapse to Brendon's side and drape an arm across his stomach. He's not in the mood for the itch or the discomfort, so he leaves it out and instead tugs Brendon a little closer while they catch their breath.
"Stay here tonight," Gabe mumbles, face half-buried in the pillow. Brendon just nods and huddles closer, never minding the stickiness between the blankets as he kisses into Gabe's shoulder.
-~*~-
Gabe wakes to a cold bed and for the moment, he thinks that Brendon has left him. He isn't sure why this makes him sad, even just the slightest, but as he forces himself to sit up and take just a short look around, he releases a breath he didn't realise he was holding when he finds Brendon still in bed; just curled up on the other side. He tries to ease into a smile but finds it difficult when the morning chill is getting to his shirtlessness, so he instead just tugs the blankets up over his shoulders and shuffles over so he's closer to the boy.
Brendon only stirs at first, but Gabe manages to wake up him up properly with a few kisses and an arm around his waist. "You're cold," Brendon grumbles, wriggling to try and get away but it just makes Gabe laugh a little breathlessly. He touches Brendon's hip again, just to tease, and this time earns a little grunt from him as he tries to slip away.
"You'll fall off the bed," Gabe whispers hoarsely, and that alone seems to be enough to convince Brendon to edge a little closer. "It'll warm up soon," he adds, "Promise."
Gabe somehow convinces Brendon to let him kiss with cold lips until they've realised that the cold has woken them up, enough so that they're definitely not getting back to sleep any time soon. Although they're awake, they're still cold, and both of them have a pretty good idea about how freezing the wooden floors are against bare feet this early on a winter morning. So of course, they try to stall, but it's Travis that interrupts them.
The bedroom door opens and it makes the two peek up from underneath the comforter, just as their friend throws a bundled up piece of clothing at them. Gabe ducks his head to dodge before he sits up straighter and holds it out, realising it's one of his hoodies. Travis already has one on as well as some thick looking pyjama pants and some holey socks. "It's negative thirteen," he grumbles, walking back out of the bedroom without another word.
Gabe smirks when he hears Brendon groan from where he's hidden under the blankets. Gabe shoves the hoodie under the blankets so Brendon can put it on, then reluctantly crawls out of bed and tip toes quickly across the cold floors to his chest of drawers. He flings one of the drawers open quickly to grab some briefs, barely tugging them on properly before he's already digging around for some clean jeans and a t-shirt. When he's in the middle of pulling on some thick socks, he glances over to see Brendon sitting up with bed with his hair sticking out in all directions; the hoodie pulled around him tightly and his bottom half hidden by the comforter. His goofy, half-awake smile is contagious.
Gabe doesn't want that smile to go away, so he grabs some socks from his drawers and throws them over, then leaves to get to Brendon's room and find some clothes for him that will fit. When he comes back with his arms full of thicker, warmer clothes, Brendon's looking a little more awake sat atop of the blankets with the hoodie so oversized that it covers up his downstairs. Gabe drops the clothes on the bed and Brendon stretches up to give him a thankful little kiss on the cheek.
"How are you?" Brendon asks, quietly to keep the mood pleasant. He keeps that smile on his face which means Gabe, again, finds it contagious, then allows Gabe to kiss him properly as he crawls back up onto the bed.
"Better," Gabe admits with his hands resting on Brendon's thighs. He looks down as he strokes his thumb against the bare skin and can't help leaning forward to give him another kiss, this time just underneath his jaw. "Much better."
When Brendon is finally dressed, they get up and walk out into the main part of the loft. Gabe's thankful to see that Travis isn't acting bitter about their little fight the previous day, and he's not being bitter about how Brendon and Gabe spent the night together. Gabe's more thankful for that, because he knows it must be hard for Travis after having William walk out.
After a half-heartedly eaten breakfast of almost-burnt toast, the three decide that they need to talk. A proper talk, about everything that's been going on, because they all know very well that Gabe is one to bottle things up, and without William there, Travis is one to bottle up too. They change clothes into something decent to go outside with, because even though it's freezing outside, it's freezing inside too. Plus the loft just seems to have so many negative memories within it, and perhaps a change of scenery is best.
They step outside and instead of driving in Travis' cab, they walk, enduring the wind and snow to get to where they need to be. Without much sense of direction, they find themselves walking towards the waterfront and may or may not be lead by Gabe. Brendon walks between them, both hands being held by his two friends, and he even smiles when they come to their destination.
Instead of finding a spot to sit on the ground close to the water, Brendon takes the lead and brings them a littler further north. They find a few docks uninhabited and decide it can't hurt to sit with their legs hanging off the edge, plus there are some large crates barricading one side so they can lean up against them to be blocked off from the wind. They sit with their legs crossed, huddled up, hoping that maybe this will give them a chance to get things out in the open. There aren't any people around, the loft is far behind and Brendon's hand is still held tightly in Gabe's grip.
For the first half hour, Gabe just smiles. He only slightly loosens his grip around Brendon's hand but the boy restrengthens it anyway, because he's smiling too, for the exact same reason. Travis stays unaware as the two men next to him watch the water lapping at itself with the wind, and even though it's not as still as it once was, they still find it calming. It clears their mind enough for Gabe to turn his head to look at Travis, and it gives him enough of a voice to speak.
"Do you love Katy?" He asks quietly, almost nervously as he starts to rub his thumb over Brendon's knuckles.
Travis stays quiet a moment and Gabe can see as he exhales, slumps just a little and focuses more on the water. "I don't know," he says finally, then frowns as he looks up at Gabe. "Do I?"
Gabe gets quieter then (if that's even possible) and breaks his gaze away from Travis. "You've known her just a little bit," he points out, but furrows his brow the slightest as if trying to think, making it up as he goes along. Watching the water helps. "I don't think you're allowed to love her yet."
Immediately, Gabe sees Brendon shaking his head. He takes his hand away from Gabe's and bunch both of his in his lap to keep them warm, then looks at Travis seriously. "Don't listen to that," he tells him, keeping his eyes set on Travis'. "You can love whoever you want, whenever you want. There 'aint no time limit on that, Travie."
Gabe reaches an arm out so he can wrap it around Brendon's shoulders and uses that to tug the boy closer. When he's gotten him to sit so that he's leaning up against Gabe more than anything, Gabe kisses into the boy's hair while looking up at Travis in thought. "I think you should move in with her," he says quietly, causing Travis' eyes to widen in scepticism more than anything. "No, I do," Gabe assures, then shakes his head and looks down as Brendon looks up. "It'll be lonely in the loft, but I'll have Brendon."
Brendon swallows but smiles, and with the look in Gabe's eyes, Brendon thinks that means I love you. So silently, carefully, Brendon wraps his arms around Gabe's middle and nuzzles into his friend's shoulder.
Gabe thinks that means I love you too.
For a few extra minutes, Gabe lets the silence overtake. He guesses Travis has some thinking to do, and he doesn't mind that even though they came down here to talk that they're being quiet more than anything. It's more relaxing, really, and relaxing is just what they need. He sticks with the silence as he begins to curl his fingers around Brendon's short hair, both of them losing themselves in the sound of the water lapping against the docks.
"You guys seem pretty tight lately," Gabe suddenly hears, so he stills his hand and looks over to see Travis watching them with this little smile, this smile that just says I know. He doesn't say anything at first as Brendon shifts to get comfortable so he's not completely bent over to lean against him, and in doing so gives Gabe time to rummage through his pockets for a cigarette. He tells himself he needs the warmth. "Do you love each other?"
Gabe knows Brendon is waiting for Gabe to answer. At first he doesn't say yes, or no, but he doesn't shake his head or nod either. He just slips a cigarette from the packet and holds it in his mouth as he lights it, instantly feeling the warmth - no matter how choking or cancerous it may be - sliding down his throat as he inhales.
"I'm not allowed to love Brendon. The law says so."
He turns his head to look at Travis frown in confusion and Brendon just sort of stares. He doesn't look disappointed, he doesn't look baffled; he just looks. Travis finally shakes his head and asks, "What?" and Gabe rolls his eyes with another inhale.
"He's seventeen, you know," he points out.
Immediately, Gabe hears Travis scoff and looks over at him to see Travis laughing a little sarcastically. "Since when have you followed the fuckin' law?" he asks with a cocked eyebrow.
All Gabe can do is grin as he holds his cigarette between his teeth. He doesn't think he even needs to respond to that, and Brendon and Travis don't think so either.
For a while, Gabe just breathes like that, using the cigarette as a sort-of straw for his oxygen. He watches the water, listening to it grab at the posts that hold up the jetty and wonders if Brendon is thinking about it too, but when he looks back at them he gets distracted when he sees Travis looking more focused on his lap than anything. "Trav?" Gabe tries, snatching the cigarette from his lips to hold between his teeth as he does. "What's eatin' ya'?"
Travis looks up as if he hasn't realised that he was staring off into space. He laughs quietly and shakes his head as he rubs at his cheek with his palm, but his eyes all too easily fall onto watching the whipped sea. "Jus' thinkin', y'know. I mean while we're talkin' I may as well say it out loud," he shrugs, catching Brendon's and Gabe's attention even further. "William called me."
Gabe's eyebrows shouldn't raise. He shouldn't be surprised and he shouldn't be thrown off by the fact that William called Travis instead of anyone else.
"He told me what was goin' on. Apparently, that, um. That Alex guy, he's already let Bill move in." Gabe watches as Travis sits with his shoulders slumped, his eyes somewhere far from either Gabe's or Brendon's face. "He sounded really happy, Gabe," he says much more quietly, "Happier than when he's getting' high with us, or when he does that real goofy lookin' smile in the morning while he's still spent. I could practically hear him smilin', y'know?"
Gabe and Brendon remain silent, but Gabe can see as the boy subconsciously shifts a little closer so that Gabe will wrap an arm back around him. Gabe doesn't think twice.
Travis shakes his head, then, finally lifting it so he's not just a pile of glum on the ground. "He told me he loved me, Gabe. He told me right before we hung up."
Before giving himself much of a chance to think, Gabe straightens up (of course keeping an arm around Brendon) and opens his mouth, "How did he mean?"
But Travis just shakes his head again, this time a little more meaningfully and less of just a gesture. "Don't think it matters," he says simply with a little bit of a shrug, then he finally looks over to make some sort of eye contact. "I'm happy he's got a life now. Y'know? I'm happy that he called me at least. I'm just.. I'm happy he still knows the right stuff to say."
Gabe reaches a hand out past Brendon to rest on Travis' shoulder. "Maybe," he breathes, a little hesitantly, "Maybe when we get back, you should call Katy." He tries to hold back a flinch when Travis gives him a look. "You should go out with her. You're happy with her. You should make sure you haven't broken up with her yet. I know you're still thinkin' 'bout this stuff, but -"
"Gabe," Travis interrupts with this tiny smile, but a smile nonetheless, "It's okay. Don't worry. I'll call her when we get back." There's a bit of reassurance in his voice, but there's more reassurance in his eyes when he gives Gabe a more genuine smile. "And maybe it wouldn't hurt if I moved out, y'know?"
Gabe shrugs lightly as he drops his hand so he can use it to wrap another arm around Brendon's middle. "I don't think it would." He pauses for a moment to stub his cigarette out on the dock, then looks back up at his friend with a little grin, "You'd fit in on the east side."
Instantly, Travis breaks out into a grin and leans over to lightly shove Gabe's arm. "Fuck you, man," he laughs, keeping that smile on Gabe's face as he adjusts his sitting to get more comfortable.
When the laughter dies, though, Brendon lifts his head to look at Travis almost sadly. "I'd miss you," he admits, so quietly even Gabe barely hears it.
"Beeden," Travis says just as quietly back, but raises an eyebrow as he leans a little closer, "I'd definitely come visit, you 'aint gettin' rid of me that easily." It puts at least a small smile back on Brendon's face as Travis kisses his forehead then ruffles up his hair.
"We could move into a house then, Brendon," Gabe points out, squeezing him lightly to get his attention. "Instead of the loft. If it were just you and me then we wouldn't need such a big place, y'know."
Brendon keeps smiling but Gabe can tell it falters for a second. "I'd like that," he mumbles, curling up to get closer but also to hide his face a little. "I'd miss the loft though," he admits.
Gabe nods easily at that. "I know we've had a lot of memories there," he starts, rubbing a hand lightly against Brendon's arms to warm him and ease him up. "But there's so much I just don't know I'd be able to face, y'know?"
Brendon nods a little sadly. It would be strange living in a house at first, even if they still rented rather than owned. It would be weird to leave so many things behind. Even if they're bad things, like Pete's death place and Nate's too, it would still feel like a part of them would be missing. Brendon doesn't have to voice it for Gabe to understand, because he's thinking the same thing.
Finally Brendon caves and looks up at Gabe through dark lashes, "Do you think they're really up there watching us?" he breathes, curling up a little tighter. Gabe has to glance away though, not really sure how to answer just yet. He takes the time to distract himself by taking out another cigarette and lighting it between his teeth.
He shakes his head, "I don't know, Brendon."
Another few seconds silence, another bitten lip, "Do you think they're happier now?"
Gabe just breathes. In and out, in and out, as long as it's through his cancer straw. "I dunno, Brendon."
This time, less of a pause, "Do you think they're proud of us making it through?"
Gabe stays silent and works on blinking away anything pessimistic that's running through his mind before it can get to his tear ducts.
"Do you -"
Finally, Travis cuts in by reaching over to wrap an arm around Brendon's shoulders. The boy finally gets the hint when Travis pulls him into more of a hug and he looks down a little shamefully, though more apologetically than anything.
"I do," he mumbles.
Gabe dubs his cigarette out too soon and tries to pass off his sniffling for being in the cold. It's at least another three cigarettes later, though, another two coughing fits and just one thought that maybe he's been too cruel to his body that the wind starts to die down, even though they couldn't feel it in the first place. If Gabe would look up from where he's turning his cigarette lighter in his hand, he would see that the sun has already passed from being in the middle of the sky and it's turning into late afternoon, just as he lights up his fifth cigarette.
It's not until Travis actually speaks, though, that he realises this whole time has been spent in silence. Not even with the lapping of the water against the dock, not even with the shuffling of their feet. Just the click click as Gabe plays with his lighter, the in out of their slow, quiet breathing. "What's with Brendon's capital 'u'?"
Brendon looks up at Travis with a confused look, so Gabe turns his head and taps his shoulder to get the boy to look at him. Brendon frowns gently but Gabe shakes his head and smiles at Travis. "I dunno, he has been smilin' pretty wide," he shrugs, then draws the letter 'u' in the air and grins to show Brendon what they mean. "You high or somethin'?"
"No!" Brendon says immediately, eyes going a little wide as he shrinks down to curl into a tighter ball. "I mean - Just. No. I don't know." He shrugs and rests his chin on his knees as he holds them up to his chest, and finds himself smiling again as he looks out at the practically still water. "I'm just smilin'."
Gabe chuckles lightly and watches as the smoke comes out in puffs in front of him with each breath. He smiles and watches it, but that's when Brendon pokes at his arm and raises an eyebrow. "What about you?" he asks, "You high?"
Gabe smirks at him. He takes a look at his cigarette and thinks about how cannabis-free it is, then exchanges a glance with his friend over Brendon's shoulder. Travis smiles at him, and Gabe doesn't know why, but he grins just a little wider as he dubs out the half-finished cancer stick on the wooden jetty.
"Nope."
Half of their family is gone. Brendon's parents are still fighting, his grades are still slipping and he's still got a bucket full of pills back home. Travis' stomach is still rotting, his boss' lenience on his sick days is thinning, and the only cash that they have is what Gabe took from Singer - which adds up to being only a few hundred. But none of them think about that. None of them think about that at all as Gabe wraps his arm around Brendon's shoulders, as Travis holds onto Gabe's hand. It's just the still water, the silence that they get all to themselves whenever they want. Because they're happy.
At least, they're happy enough for a city like Buffalo.