A Lesson For Pansy (H/D)
[ Title: A Lesson For Pansy
[ Author: Gabriel Artisan
[ Editors: graylor & sassy_cissy (because two beautiful heads is better than one stupid one. who likes to dangle his prepositions!). Any mistakes are mine due to last-minute additions.
[ Pairing: Harry/Draco
[ Other Characters: The Creevey Brothers, Pansy Parkinson, a jar of Salve, and Fung Ying Chinese Take-Away
[ Summary: Pansy Parkinson is visiting Draco at his new home. But why are the Creevey Brothers helping him move in, why is Draco so intent on getting them naked, and for the love of Merlin -- Why is it so hot in here?!?!?
[ Written For: slythindor100's Double Entendre Fun - Friday Edition. Tagged by sassy_cissa with the prompt: "Well, that's an interesting use for that..."
[ Word Count: 2631
Pansy Parkinson didn’t understand. “I don’t understand...” It simply didn’t make sense. “This simply doesn’t make sense.” The more she looked on, the less she liked what she saw. “The more I look on-”
“There’s no filter between the brain and the mouth, is there?” Draco interrupted.
They stood in the mezzanine overlooking the drawing room, into which Colin and Dennis Creevey had been bringing furniture.
“I’m gobsmacked, is all,” Pansy said. “First, you let Potter convince you to move into a housing estate, and now I come to find the Creeveys-the Creeveys?-loading the house with the most”-she ran a finger across the desktop of a nearby la commode - a low chest of drawers with stubby legs - and looked at the tip of her finger as if inspecting for dirt-“pedestrian furniture I’ve never seen.”
Draco was unconcerned. He leaned over the mezzanine’s railing, watching as Dennis disappeared down the hall, carrying a box almost half his size, and Colin as he walked out through the front door. Pansy sighed heavily, obviously upset that her jibe went unnoticed.
“Has Potter not been showering you with luxuries-gifts suited to your station?”
Draco rolled his eyes.
“I could have sworn I heard he was well off”-she sighed-“I guess that’s what I get for reading the wizarding glossies.”
Even this slight elicited no response. Draco merely watched the scene below him, occasionally breaking to look at his watch.
Pansy cleared her throat. “It’s one thing to marry Potter; it’s another to buy a rather meagre home in a pre-fabricated neighbourhood.”
“One must make compromises in a marriage so that everyone is happy, Pansy,” Draco said.
“Rubbish! I’ve made no such things with Blaise and he’s perfectly fine.”
“Ah, but is he happy?”
“His happiness is hardly the point.” Pansy looked over the railing down into the drawing room and watched as Dennis walked towards the door. “They’re not even cute.”
As if on cue, Dennis stopped before he reached the front door, looked up, and smiled, waving like a kid on a carnival ride. His big, brown eyes sparkled and his smile was infectious. Without even knowing it, Pansy was smiling back at him. And, when Dennis winked, Pansy blushed.
“Okay, so Dennis may be cute,” Pansy conceded, though Draco could tell it must have hurt her deep inside to admit such a thing. “But Colin certainly isn’t....”
Colin barged in, carrying an antique dragon-foot lamp, almost knocking over Dennis. He did a weird shuffle - a sort of jig - and dodged his brother expertly. Whereas Dennis was shorter and thick like a wrestler, Colin was lithe. Not of the same sort as Draco, mind, not like a dancer, but like a swimmer. In the most talked-about-for Creevey Gossip, at least-switch, Colin’s hair had straightened and he took to wearing it cropped tightly except for fringes that hung precariously in his face. Dennis’, in contrast, grew curly and fluffy; he wore it longer, in a shag that softened the rugged cut of his face. Still, they had the same deep eye-colour, the same heart-fluttering smile, and similar - if, admittedly slightly annoying - laugh.
“Careful with that lamp, Colin!” Draco barked. “It’s a hundred thousand years old and has been in the Malfoy family for an age!”
Colin eyes bulged. His arms stiffened, holding the lamp straight out in front of him. “S-sorry, Draco. I’ll be more careful.”
Pansy stared at Draco.
“What?” he asked, after a beat.
“... ‘a hundred thousand years’...?”
Draco shrugged. “It’s old.”
“I never saw that at Malfoy Manor, Draco,” Pansy said. “Besides, did they even have lamps ‘a hundred thousand years ago’?”
Draco merely rolled his eyes, returning his attention to the workers below. Dennis had just walked in carrying yet another box that was wider than he, and probably twice as heavy. Occasionally, he had to stop and re-position the box, heaving it up with his knee if it slipped too low in his hands. He was sweating. Pansy noticed. She swallowed hard.
Colin walked back in the living room to help his brother. He, too, was sweating.
Pansy began fanning herself. She could hardly believe that the Creevey brothers were having this sort of effect on her. Then she realised that the house was truly getting hotter.
“Draco, it’s awfully stuffy in here,” Colin said.
Dennis stopped walking. “Yeah, is there something wrong with the air conditioning or summat?”
“Oh, I ... ah, we don’t have it installed, yet, sorry.”
Pansy’s attention snapped to Draco. “What are you on about? It was inst-”
Draco coughed, interrupting her; it sounded remarkably like ‘shutupyou’reruiningeverythingwomanEVERYthing!’ to Pansy, but the boys didn’t notice.
“Well, where’s this going, then?” Colin asked.
“Oh, Harry’s Atrium...”
“The Atrium!” Dennis cried. “But... it’s scorching in there!”
Draco looked sad. “Oh... yeah... well... I’ll understand if you don’t want to do it... Harry will be hurt, of course, but...”
“No, no, no!” Dennis said, looking rather upset at the thought of hurting Harry’s feelings.
“We didn’t say we wouldn’t do it,” Colin interjected. “It’s just that... it’s rather hot, innit? Can’t we use a Cooling Charm on it or...”
“No, sorry. We don’t have our Room-Altering Charm Permits, yet?”
Dennis’ face scrunched in confusion. “But... you have Spatial Charms on the house, yeah?”
“Oh, well...” Draco waved a hand dismissively, “you know bureaucracy...”
Colin and Dennis looked at each other, confused, but shrugged, satisfied with the answer that wasn’t really an answer at all.
“Oh, well, I do have this Anti-Heat Salve!” Draco held out his hand, palm up, and waved his wand over it. With an almost comical ‘pop’, an opened jar of clear oil appeared from thin air. Pansy stared at the substance, which looked more like Muggle baby-oil than any sort of wizarding potion. With another wave of his wand, the jar began to float down into Colin’s eager hands.
Colin stuck his finger in the jar. He giggled. “It is rather cold.” Dennis walked behind his brother and propped up on his tip-toes, peering over Colin’s shoulder.
“Yeah, just put some Salve on your skin,” Draco said, “and you’ll stay cool.”
“I think we’ll have to take our shirts off,” Dennis said.
“Oh, right. I guess it would have to go on our skin, huh Draco?” Colin looked up for confirmation.
Draco nodded, quickly. “Oh, yes - quite.”
Realisation began to dawn on Pansy’s face as she watched the two boys remove their shirts. Her breathing became somewhat shallow and more rapid as she watched Dennis roll his shoulders-those round, strong, muscled shoulders-until his shirt fell to the floor. Colin stared at his brother hopefully, already having some of the salve on his hand. Dennis rolled his eyes, but understood. He began slowly unbuttoning Colin’s shirt. It fell to the floor, puddled at Colin’s feet.
“Best put some on your legs, too?” Pansy said, hopefully.
“Oh, good point,” Draco said, nodding.
Dennis had bent down to pick up Colin’s shirt from the floor when Pansy said this. Since he was already there, he proceeded to unbuckle Colin’s belt, unfasten the button fly, and slide the jeans slowly-almost teasingly-down Colin’s legs. Pansy made a strangled sort of noise as Dennis’ face came dangerously close to his brother’s crotch, held lovingly by the boy’s too-white tidy-whities underpants. Colin lifted his legs one at a time, stepping out of his jeans. His round butt flexed; it filled the underwear completely, leaving no room for air. His smooth legs were gently painted with glistening blonde hairs that caught the light ever-so-elegantly.
Dennis began to strip himself, pulling his shirt over his head, revealing a white, sleeveless T-vest that hugged the contours of his body, accentuating the V-shape of his torso and exposing the brutal shape of his shoulders.
“Off with them, then,” Colin said, nodding at Dennis’ cargo shorts.
Draco glanced down at his watch as Pansy began biting her nails, eyes refusing to blink lest she miss something. Dennis toed his shoes as he fumbled with the drawstrings of his cargos, eyeing his brother menacingly.
“Don’t you dare be a pillock, prat,” he warned.
Colin merely smirked. “Sod off, tosser.”
The cargos fell to the floor; Dennis stepped out from them and kicked them to the side. “I’ve got your tosser right here.”
“My, aren’t you the witter on’er...” The air grew tense as Colin scooped more Salve on his hand. “Nice boxers, ponce.”
“What?” Dennis looked down at his boxers: they were adorned with cartoon drawings of a rather deranged-looking lad and his equally strange canine companion. “It’s Pitt and Kantrop. It’s my favourite show.”
“Still? Dennis Allen Creevey, what are you like? Twelve, are you, then?”
“Oh, do get on with it,” Dennis cried. “It’s so very hot in here!”
“... yes ... yes ...,” Pansy panted. “... on wit’ it, then ...”
“ ... hurry up, hurry up ...” Draco muttered, looking at his watch again.
Colin turned Dennis around and began applying the oily gel over his brother’s shoulders and back. Dennis shivered when the cool application met his warm skin.
“Feel better?” Colin asked.
“Oh, yeah... much! Your turn!”
Dennis whipped around and grabbed the Salve from Colin’s hand. Colin turned around and hunched his back.
Pansy’s hand slid from her mouth down her neck. Her breathing turned into more of a panting. Impatient, Draco began tapping his foot, still looking back and forth between the two Creeveys and his watch. Finally, he stuck his fingers out in front of his chest and wiggled them. “Make sure you get the nipples!”
Dennis and Colin stared up at him blankly.
“Er, uh... I hear they are heat magnets...”
Colin’s eyes lit up. “Oh, yeah! I heard that, too!!” He turned around and stuck his chest out defiantly.
Dennis scooped out more Salve and began rubbing it along Colin’s front, paying particular attention to the brown, coin-sized nipples, now quite erect. Dennis scrunched his nose. “How are you so tan?”
Indeed, Colin had a far deeper, richer colour about him than Dennis had. Even their nipples differed: Colin’s dark, caramel brown versus Dennis’ plush pink. While Dennis continued to massage the liniment, Colin also began to rub down his brother in much the same fashion. Their hands danced across each curve and mound of flesh; up each other’s arms and down their sides; brushing along Colin’s smooth, flat stomach and Dennis’ tight, ripped one.
“... yes ... get it all ... cover it all ...” Pansy panted, forgetting where she was and whose company she was in. Still, Draco paid her no heed-his watch seemed to have more importance than the near-pornographic (and possibly illegal) goings-ons just below him.
“Leave it out, then!”
“Piss off!”
“Get knotted!”
“Shut your cakehole!”
“Ooh, why, I’ll give you the what-fors!”
Of course, being brothers, one of them had to do something wholly inappropriate; the other had to retaliate. Soon they were tossing Salve-which seemed to have no end-at one another, laughing. The tossing turned into grabbing; the grabbing into grappling; the grappling, of course, into full-blown wrestling. Pansy swooned at the sight of the Creeveys writhing and thrusting at one another on the floor, their muscles flexing and tensing under the rough horseplay. Dennis occasionally managed a headlock, but Colin merely slipped through slick arms and between glossy legs only to pin Dennis to the floor. They laughed and teased each other, rolling about on the floor, straddling each other, grabbing and restraining wrists.
Dennis lay on his back, his head flailing left and right. Colin sat high on his brother’s chest, his knees resting on Dennis’ shoulders preventing him from moving his arms.
“Uncle, you big hard nut!” Colin demanded.
“Sod off, ponce!” Dennis said, refusing to give up, even as Colin began lightly slapping his face. “You ruddy shirt-lifter!”
“Ahh, but the shirt-lifter’s on top, innit?”
Pansy’s hand slid down, past her breasts, past her navel, lower and lower still. Suddenly, the familiar crack of Apparition filled the room, shocking Pansy back to her flushed senses.
“Draco, luv, I’m ho-guuuh....”
“Ah, finally,” Draco said, an evil smirk stretching across his face.
Harry stood in the middle of the room, holding a bag of Chinese take-away. His mouth dropped at the sight before him: mostly-naked and wet Dennis writhing underneath his even wetter brother, whose crotch was dangerously close to Dennis’ mouth. They stared up at Harry, smiles on their faces.
“Hiya, Harreeeey!” they sang in unison.
Harry was speechless. “I... I... uh...”
Colin rolled off Dennis and stood, helping his brother up before making a rush to Harry. “Is that take-away, then?”
“Cor! Fung Yins! I love Fung Yin!”
Harry’s gaze slipped downward, below their waists. His mouth salivated at the sight of see-through whities clinging to Colin’s prick and the shape of Dennis’ cock, barely hidden under his boxers. Even Harry’s spectacles slid down the bridge of his nose; Dennis pushed them back up with an index finger.
“Hands off cocks; on with socks!” Draco called out before leaning into Pansy and whispering, “follow my lead.”
Harry dropped the take-away, startled by the sound of his husband’s voice. He looked up at the mezzanine only to find an indignant Draco, arms folded in front of his chest, standing next to a semi-sweaty and awfully flushed Pansy. Harry blushed, hard.
“I... I...”
“What’s going on down there?” Draco demanded, brow furrowed.
Harry looked at Dennis and Colin, now rummaging through the take-away bag on the floor, and then back up to Draco. He repeated the motion several times before vanishing with a ‘crack’.
“Is Harry okay?” Dennis asked.
“I’m sure he just forgot something,” Colin said as he made his way down the hallway towards the kitchen, an eager Dennis hot on his heels.
Pansy looked wide-eyed at Draco. Before she could say anything, however, Draco raised a hand. “Wait for it.”
Moments later, Harry Apparated beside Draco, carrying a rather sizable package. Draco looked wounded and hurt when he turned to face Harry.
“I... ahem...” Harry cleared his throat as he handed Draco the package. “I saw this and thought of you.”
Draco took the proffered gift. Harry delivered a quick, placating kiss on his cheek before Disapparrating again. Before the echo of the ‘crack’ had dissipated, Draco was smiling at Pansy. He held the gift closer to her.
“Yes, Pansy, he still buys me gifts befitting my station.”
Pansy watched as Draco tore at the brown wrappings to reveal a lovely-and obviously expensive-new cloak.
“Mmmh,” Draco said, teasingly. “Gauthier... This year’s couture line.” He found a stitching on the underside of a lapel. He read it and snorted. “Oh, pardon me... Next year’s couture line.”
“You sneaky little devil,” Pansy said, realising what had just transpired. “You set this entire farce up, didn’t you? The heat... the Salve... the timing...?”
Draco stared at the ceiling as if contemplating the question. “Did I? Did I know that one of Harry’s biggest fantasies is to watch Dennis and Colin wrestle, wet and naked? Did I know that Harry’s biggest guilt is having fantasies that don’t involve his husband? Did I know that Harry likes to absolve his guilt over having fantasies that don’t involve his husband-that would be me, in case you forgot-by purchasing said husband extremely expensive gifts?”
“Certainly not,” Pansy said, not bothering to hide the sarcasm in her voice.
“Besides,” Draco said as he began the walk down the stairs of the mezzanine. “Harry’s so hot and bothered at the moment, as soon as you’re gone, he’ll give me the shag of the century-guaranteed.”
Pansy followed Draco down the steps. "I have to ask: What was that 'Salve' stuff, anyway?"
"Oh, just plain-ole Muggle baby oil mixed with glycerin that I bought from the chemist in town."
Pansy stopped to take it all in and bask in the genius of the plan, slightly envious of both the execution of and reward therein. "Well... that certainly is an interesting use for that."
-♥fin♥-