Enneagram | Brendon/Spencer | NC-17

[fics_by_maple]

Previous - Part 1

Enneagram - Part 2
~

Planning the wedding was left primarily in Spencer's hands. "Just tell me when to be there," Brendon had said. And, "Ooh! Can I wear my red sneakers?"

"Our wedding is going to be classy, so no …you can wear brand new sneakers that go with the color scheme."

Brendon beamed and hugged him. "You're gonna be the best husband."

Spencer kissed his cheek and Brendon pulled away quickly; they both knew they'd been pushing things too far, and it was getting so difficult to stop kissing, to not touch and press and reach for more. "Why? Because I can't seem to say no to you? I think there's a term for that."

Brendon pinched at his side for the teasing. "Oh, I just remembered, the Board voted and approved us moving into the house on Villa Street. It's that peach colored one just around the corner from the church."

Spencer deflated. He'd been kind of a coward, hoping to avoid this conversation if the board voted against. "Oh."

"Oh? Like, 'oh hey, Brendon that's cool'? Or like, 'oh, that sucks and I'm sorry for not mentioning it sooner?' What's up?" Brendon was keeping it light but there was serious look in his eye.

"I'm sorry. I should have said before. But I just don’t want to live on church property."

Brendon didn't pout or frown, his face just went drawn tight and he said nothing.

"It's not, look," Spencer rushed, feeling tiny panic at losing control of the moment. "I love them and all, you know that, but come on, Bren. I don't want them to be able to come into our house whenever they want. Those old ladies, that obnoxious Mrs. Snyder, poking her nose through our drawers?"

"What are you talking about? They don't do that."

"You really don't think those women snoop through your stuff when they come over to clean?"

"Why would they? I don't have anything. And I don't have anything to hide, anyway."

Spencer almost felt an accusation in that. "That's not the point. It wouldn't really be ours and if the Board wanted to check up on us, they could."

"They wouldn't! And besides, housing is a part of my benefits. My salary isn't much compared to yours-"

"That's got nothing to do with it."

"-and if providing a decent house is something I can do for us, then..."

Spencer couldn't argue with that. Brendon so rarely exhibited pride that Spencer didn't recognize it at first. He should have.

"It's close to work. It's a nicer neighborhood than we could afford otherwise," Brendon pressed.

"Okay. I get it, it's fine."

"Really?"

"Sure."

Brendon looked down and tried to bite away a smirk. The fact that Spencer had just given Brendon what he wanted, again, had to be obvious. "I'm …thanks, Spence. Hey, we can decline the housekeeping service, okay?"

"Yeah? That'd be better."

"Sure we can. I'll just tell Mrs. Snyder that you look forward to keeping up on our home yourself." Brendon was teasing now.

"They'll love that."

Brendon was giggling as he threw his arms around Spencer's neck in a way that was less sexy and more octopus.

~

"That was the caterer," Spencer said as he entered Brendon's office.

"Yeah? Everything good?" Brendon asked from his desk as he tilted his head for Spencer to kiss his cheek. Spencer did and then darted down to kiss him on the lips as well.

"Fourteen vegetarian and two gluten-free meals confirmed."

Spencer sat on the edge of the desk and tossed an overflowing clipboard onto it. His wedding organizer might have made a professional planner cringe but Spencer knew where every invoice, receipt, and checklist was. "I'm going to burn that thing after the wedding." Spencer pointed at it.

"Only four more days then."

"Yup."

They grinned at each other in a quiet, pointed sort of a way that they'd been doing more often in the last week. The realization that they were going to be married was settling in. This meant living together, which meant sex, sex, oh thank the Lord, finally sex!

Brendon's eyes had a sharp look about them and then he inhaled like he was about to speak but then said nothing.

"What?"

"What?"

"You. You were gonna say something?"

"I…" Brendon mouthed around a silent syllable before shaking his head. "I forget."

"No, hey," Spencer nudged Brendon's thigh with the toe of his shoe. "What's going on?"

"It's nothing. I just got distracted. Never mind." Brendon laughed too loud to make any sense and stood, giving Spencer an awkward peck on the lips and moved to a file cabinet behind him. Spencer recognized a shut-you-up kiss from a real one.

"Brendon."

"Spencer."

Spencer crossed to him, hugged around his shoulders, talking into Brendon's temple, "You can tell me."

"It's nothing! Gosh, leave it." Brendon whined and Spencer realized he was blushing. They talked about so much there was little that actually made him turn pink.

"Is it a sex thing?"

This time Brendon let out a defeated huff and bit his lip. "No. Sort of. No. It's silly."

"I swear to g - dude, come on. Out with it already."

"Okay! Okay, I was just thinking about getting ready for the wedding. I'm getting a haircut tomorrow."

"Yeah."

"And I assumed I'd shave the morning of the wedding and it got me thinking…"

"Were you thinking of growing it out?" Spencer said, rubbing his thumb over Brendon's currently scruffy chin and then gave him a quick kiss. "Not really enough time for a decent goat by Saturday."

"No I wasn't - it occurred to me maybe I should shave, um, everywhere? That's what people like, right? Do you, do you like that?"

He was pinking again, pressing his face against Spencer's chest. He squeezed Brendon again and laughed that this was what he was concerned about. "Oh. Oh, right. Yeah. I mean people do that."

"Told you it was silly."

"No. Hey, that's actually reasonable, you know? If I wasn't so preoccupied, it might have occurred to me, too. I probably just would have called you in the morning and asked."

Brendon laughed again, a little relieved, and returned to normal color.

"So, how about, ah, just a trim? Thin the hedge. Mow the lawn." Spencer loosened his hug and dug his fingers into Brendon's sides, making him squawk and wriggle away.

This was another conversation he imagined telling Ryan but knew he never would.

~

There's a bachelor party where Shane (who had been Brendon's roommate before moving to LA) and Ryan come back to Vegas to be their best men. Shane stays with Brendon and Ryan and Spencer at the Smith's house. There's a cheap Vegas casino style bachelor party complete with strippers and etc.

Wedding Day

They'd gone to the tailor together so Spencer knew what Brendon's suit looked like, but that one day at the shop was nothing to how gorgeous Brendon was now. The fit was perfect and the color classy. There was a busy bustle around them in the foyer of the church but there was nothing but Brendon as far as he was concerned.

"Wow." Brendon said, a slightly dazed smile on his face. Spencer took his hands, which were trembling, so he lifted them to his mouth and kissed the back of his fists.

"I know, right? Finally."

Brendon smile tightened into a smirk. "No. I mean, wow-you, Spence."

"Me? Oh." He felt his face warm. "Thanks."

"Okay, okay, listen up," interrupted Mrs. Snyder with a clap of her hands. She'd assumed authority as the church's event planner. "Groomsmen, in your places? Have the rings? Everyone ready?"

Brendon bounced on his toes and frowned a little. Spencer felt his throat seize a little. "What's the matter?"

"Huh? Oh. Nothing."

"Brendon. If you're having…" Spencer swallowed hard, he could barely say it. "If you don't want to…"

"What? No!" He giggled and pulled on Spencer's hands. "Sorry. Um. I just have to pee."

"So, go." Spencer snorted, thinking that was obvious, but Mrs. Snyder balked.

"No, honey, everything is ready now. You're just gonna have to hold it."

Brendon nodded and bounced again.

"All right, everyone," she continued. "Time to cue music and…"

"No. Bullshit. We can let the man take a piss, all right?" Spencer's words caused a few gasps and Ryan's laugh sort of honked behind him.

"Come on, dude," Shane laughed quietly as he grasped Brendon's shoulders and led him back to the anteroom they'd dressed in.

Ryan slid into view once Brendon was out of eyesight and pulled his keys from his pocket, jangling them off his thumb.

"What's that mean, Ry?"

"Just saying. If you're looking for reasons to stall, say so. My car's right out front. I'll never say a word, I swear."

Spencer glared. "I'm not stalling. I don't want him thinking about his bladder during our vows, that's all."

Ryan smirked. "Okay. Just doing my job. Best man and all. You know; be prepared with a toast and a getaway car."

Spencer reached out but at the last second just shoved rather than punched his arm. "You don't really think I'm making a mistake, do you?"

Ryan shuffled in front of him, avoiding eye contact and Spencer's question.

"Your tie is crooked." He knew it wasn't but he let Ryan adjust it anyway, then he smoothed Spencer's hair and the flower pinned to his lapel.

"I look okay?"

Ryan snorted.

"Brendon said 'Wow'." Spencer was kind of stuck on that point.

"Well, duh. You're hot."

"I am?"

"He's lucky."

"He is?"

"Spence? Shut up and go get married." He turned Spencer around and saw Brendon, waiting similarly on the other side of the lobby. Everything felt too bright and far away after that. The door opened, and Shane and Ryan proceeded to take their places as best men, and he and Brendon followed them down the long aisle.

They had discussed and approved their vows, so Spencer knew the content of what he was swearing to, but he couldn't remember speaking any of it.

There was a nervous pounding in his ears, and he felt himself sway slightly before he felt Ryan's steadying hand briefly on his shoulder.

Brendon bit his lip and looked amused. If he was nervous, it didn't show. Spencer's inner narrative was something like married-married-sextonight-married-married-don'tlockyourknees.

He felt better once they were instructed to face one another and hold hands.

Brendon had difficulty sliding Spencer's ring onto his clammy and slightly swollen finger. He made a triumphant 'ha!' once he got it on, and the congregation snickered.

His hand was shaking when they lit the unity candle; waxed dripped onto the carpet.

Pastor Abigail asked everyone to pray, to pray for them. It was a nice feeling to know that everyone in the room was sending them their prayers, all the positivity and love. Spencer kept his eyes on Brendon's bowed head. His eyes were closed and lips moved as he wordlessly spoke to God.

Okay, Lord, Spencer thought, everything Brendon is saying, me too, okay? Help me be good enough for him.

"Amen," he spoke aloud with everyone else. He thought he might have even heard Ryan's voice, too.

Brendon opened his eyes and smiled, and something else was spoken but Spencer couldn't hear it over the rushing sound. He did realize a sudden silence and Brendon's smirk and questioning eyebrows clued him in that he'd missed something, then the word "kiss" finally filtered through his muddled subconscious.

"Oh! Oh, right." He rushed Brendon without reservation and right in front of God and all, holding Brendon so tight, he raised up onto his toes and kissed him hard. It lasted maybe a little longer than propriety called for, but he really, really didn't care. And neither did Brendon, judging by the hand on the back of his head holding him there.

Spencer no longer felt like he was moving in slow motion under water, now that the scary, official part was over. They posed for what felt like three thousand pictures on the steps in front of the church. With their entire families, Brendon and Spencer each with their own, then just the parents, and just the wedding party, each groom with his best man, and finally several with only the two of them. It was fun enough and he liked the coos and 'awws' made every time he and Brendon posed together.

Once they arrived at the reception hall, Spencer grabbed Brendon and pulled him into a meeting room off the entryway.

"You think we can?" was about all Brendon could get out before Spencer covered his mouth with his own. He leaned back against the closed door, pulling Brendon warm and flush against him.

"They can wait a little bit longer," Spencer said, hands at Brendon's waist, untucking his shirt. He mostly just intended to touch Brendon's stomach, feel the warmth of his skin, but Brendon was doing the same to him. "But I can't."

"Mm-we-vvhh been so good," Brendon muttered through a wet kiss, scrambling to loosen Spencer's tie, tugging at his collar to kiss his neck.

Spencer tilted his chin back, agreeing. "We were so fucking good."

"Married now." Brendon stated it like a growled declaration of defiance and pressed his body against Spencer, his hands slipping down into the back of Spencer's pants, gripping his ass and then pulling out the tails of his shirt.

"Mm, married." He agreed and reached down to slide open the hook and eye clasp of his dress pants, sure it was okay because Brendon was doing the same to him. "Later, God, Brendon, later at the cabin, we'll go slow. There'll be a bed and candlelight, and we'll have all night, but right now…"

"Yes. Yeah, Spence. Now."

They moved together, more driven than awkward, reaching inside each other's boxers, standing too close to really see, but Spencer could feel Brendon's cock, for the first time not restrained under clothing but hot and smooth in his bare hand, guilt free. The only thing distracting him from the sheer awesome of finally touching Brendon was Brendon's hand on his dick. They pressed closely, cheek to cheek, turning to kiss now and again, as they stroked each other, looking with awe and urgency at their moving hands and back up at each other to gauge if they were doing it right. It was sloppy and a little rough, but the weak reassuring smile and expression of pained arousal on Brendon's face was gratification enough. Brendon came first, pressing a keening whine into Spencer's chest as he did so, all movement on Spencer's cock ceasing as he just gripped tightly before sagging loose and breathing hard. Spencer moved his hand to his own cock, overlapping now sticky fingers with Brendon's, and jerked himself to a quick release. Brendon was pressing smiling kisses against his jaw and cheek as he slowly opened his eyes.

"Husband." Brendon laughed and bobbed his eyebrows. "So sexy you are, Smith. …My husband," he said and kissed him again.

"Husband." Spencer replied with a grin and then took a deep breath. "That was excellent. Shit."

"You know what else?"

"Hmm?"

"I have a handkerchief in my jacket pocket." Brendon gave him a toothy smile as he pulled it out and wiped their hands clean. They tucked themselves back in, making glancing eye contact, pink cheeked and grinning like a couple of teenagers sneaking around. Spencer reminded himself they were married men now.

They entered the reception hall hand in hand, ties loose and shirts untucked. Years later, those pictures would be Spencer's favorite.

~

The reception was nearly as big of a blur as the ceremony. It was supposed to be their party, but instead they barely snuck in a few dances and a couple glasses of champagne. They shared a single beer between a constant stream of well-wishers. They had people standing in a long line to give them hugs, slipping cash into their coat pockets.

They were so exhausted by the time they left that Brendon dozed against Spencer's shoulder as he drove. He didn't play any music, just let the hum of the road blend with the chatter and adrenaline buzz still ringing in his ears. Spencer turned and kissed Brendon's head while keeping his eyes on the road.

"Sorry, 'm sleepy," Brendon muttered.

"It's okay. We'll be there soon."

"We going to the mountains?"

"Yep. A cabin on Mount Charleston. It's nice."

Brendon turned and hummed a happy, affirmative sound against Spencer's shoulder. It wasn't un-cat like.

"It was a sweet wedding," Brendon told him. "You planned the whole thing and it was awesome. Can't wait to see the pictures."

"Thanks. It came together alright in the end, didn't it?"

Spencer suspected that Shane had thought his honeymoon plan was pretty boring so he was a little nervous about it. What if Brendon had hoped for something a little more grand and tropical?

Four days in a cabin on the mountain. "I'm not even packing clothes. No way," he'd told Shane and Ryan. For real though. He and Brendon had already traveled together. They'd been on field trips and missions halfway around the globe. They'd attended events, played every sport, every game, and done everything under the sun (and moon) conceivable with their clothes on. "Fuck that. Everyone knows what we'll be doing, and clothes won't be involved."

"Seriously though, never?" This was a real sticking point for Ryan. "You guys never? Not even once just to see if you like it?"

"Shut up, Ryan." Spencer threw popcorn at him. It stuck in his hair and he didn't even brush it away.

"But what if he can't get it up?"

Spencer shook his head, dismissing the idea, but kept his mouth shut.

"Okay. Fine. But if he turns out to have three dicks or like, half a dick, you can't complain."

"Nope. I lived with him for two years," Shane added, lispy from too much beer. "I can vouch for him not having three dicks."

"His dick is singular and works just fine. I know that for a fact." Spencer blurted and then set his beer down because if he was actually engaging in this conversation, he must be too drunk. "You shut up, too," he added to Shane.

"So you have done it?" Ryan sat up looking serious.

"No way," Shane accused. "Brendon was serious about that celibacy thing." Spencer thought it kind of cute that Shane glared at him and the idea that Spencer might have broken Brendon's commitment.

"Yes, he was. Is. Still is," he said. "And technically it's abstinence, not celibacy." Shane seemed satisfied with this. He was one of the few people who wasn't appalled by their avoidance of sex but that was because Shane knew Brendon.

As it happened, they had a backpack each, with toothbrushes and a change of clothes from when Brendon stayed with Shane and Spencer with Ryan at his mom's house the night before.

"Wow, this is amazing," Brendon said in that exaggerated way he tended to do. It was maybe a little Rocky Mountain Chic but at least it didn’t have any mounted animal heads or dead fish on the walls. It was, however, the first time they'd ever shared a room.

They flung their stuff aside and stood in awkward silence. The whole room was centered on a king-sized bed against the wall that seemed big and rather obvious.

"So…" Brendon eyed the bed.

"Yeah."

"Everyone loved my shoes," Brendon spoke, distracting them by kicking a foot out to display his dark green sneakers that had matched the color scheme.

"You looked fucking amazing, is why. Shoes notwithstanding."

Brendon bit his lip to suppress a smile, shaking his head once. Always like he didn't think Spencer actually meant it when he said that.

Spencer smiled at him but flinched. Unlike Brendon's footwear flair, he'd worn traditional dress shoes that were currently killing him. He moved to sit in a chair, kicked them off, and wriggled his toes with a sigh.

"Anyway, I like them. I want to keep wearing 'em."

"Why would you not keep wearing them?"

"I don't know…" Brendon looked up, giving it thought. "Like they're special church only sneakers or something?"

"You can wear them whenever you want. Just not while we have sex."

He realized that sounded more blunt and less playful than he'd intended and felt guilty about the nervous smile on Brendon's face. "Sorry… hey."

They gravitated back together near the foot of the bed, embracing and swaying like they had danced together at the reception.

"Not fair. Weddings are exhausting," Brendon murmured into Spencer's collarbone, his words fading into a yawn. Spencer yawned in sympathetic response and Brendon giggled.

"Ha! Gave it to you." He poked his finger into Spencer's mouth. Spencer let out an exaggerated gag as he turned his head. "Ack! Stop! You just ruined a perfectly good yawn. I'm gonna be all off balance until I get another one now."

Brendon just kissed Spencer's pouty mouth, then frowned and smiled at the same time. There seemed nothing his face couldn't do.

"You're not hungry are you?" Spencer asked.

"No."

"Um. Do you," Spencer brushed his hand over the side of Brendon's face, stroking his thumb above his eyebrow, "wanna just go to bed? And sleep? It's been a long day…"

Brendon closed his eyes and pressed his face into Spencer's hand before opening them again. "No," he said softly. "I didn't wait all this time just to go to sleep on my wedding night." His voice wavered with humor and some embarrassment but he held Spencer's eyes. He wasn't ashamed about wanting this.

They started together, taking it in turns to remove the other's tie, jacket, Spencer's vest, and the long line of buttons between the two of them.

"After the ceremony, when we…" Spencer started, as his hand opening Brendon's pants reminded him of doing so earlier.

"Oh, man, I wanted you so bad. Still do. Your hands. Your mouth. Spencer…"

Spencer never would have thought he had an oral fixation. He just couldn't stop kissing Brendon's skin. He'd stolen nips of his ear lobes a couple times and he wanted to keep finding soft parts that he could catch with his teeth. Brendon opened his mouth and let out a startled moan when Spencer nipped at his nipple. Spencer moved to the other one, glancing down to watch Brendon's hard cock flex off his stomach, straining like the rest of him. Brendon's hands were restlessly skimming over Spencer's shoulders and the back of his head, petting and encouraging.

Spencer chased the jumping muscles down Brendon's torso, licking at the depression that outlined each defined square abdominal muscle.

Brendon parted his thighs as Spencer slid down the bed, and his bent knees were rocking in tense, restrained motion on either side of Spencer's shoulders.

"Are you? Spence, are you gonna…?" he asked, looking down, eyes heavy-lidded and slightly anxious.

"I want to," Spencer said, licking the crease of his thigh and torso.

Brendon gasped. "Yes."

Taking Brendon's cock with one hand, letting his bottom lip barely catch ridge of the crown. Brendon made an affirmative sounding noise and nodded once. Then once again.

"I've always wondered, wanted to and, oh wow…" Brendon's voice got tighter until it trailed into a tense gasp. Spencer couldn't remember the act of this being so fun. Brendon was so responsive, so trusting and amazed.

"Spence, Spence," Brendon's chanting encouraged as Spencer began to suck him. He was going to have to relearn the art of giving a blowjob. There was too much sensation to process, the taste of Brendon's skin, the smell of him, finally getting to see and touch all of him. The thought prompted him and he let the fingers squeezing Brendon's thigh tease along the cleft of his ass.

Brendon groaned, "I'm not - okay, seriously. I'm not gonna last. I don't want to come like this yet."

Spencer pulled away, kissed Brendon's stomach and then climbed up over him. "We'll slow down, then, okay? Don't go anywhere."

Brendon laughed, a little breathless and manic, propping his head up to watch Spencer crouch over his bag for the lube in the front pocket. He felt awkward-- naked out of bed and bent over like this. Brendon obviously looked him over as he returned to bed, reaching out to touch his cock when he was close enough, studying. Spencer let Brendon fondle and stroke him while he slowly squeezed lube onto his fingers.

"What you are gonna do?" Brendon asked, which struck him because Brendon knew perfectly well how this worked even if he hadn't done it before.

"I'm going to - if it's okay - use my fingers. Uh, until you're comfortable, open enough for me, to be inside of you." He realized he could be clinical and he could be crude but he didn't know how to put this into words. It was silly and weird and exciting and special all at once. "You'll say if you don't like something, right?"

Brendon nodded.

"And saying if you do like something is good, too."

Brendon laughed quietly to himself, licking and then biting his lip. Spencer loved the things he did with his lips. He loved the sounds Brendon made when he touched him, fingered him, the way Brendon looked at him almost shocked and relieved. They were both tired, mentally taxed, and emotionally satisfied. There was little left that had to be said between them now, but speaking wasn't difficult. The lights were low and warm, and Spencer was mesmerized by how they reflected off Brendon's skin. He wanted so badly to be good for him. To be worthy of what they'd built this up to. In the end, it was just going to be one time. Just one, first, long-awaited, awkward time.

"I'll try to go slowly," Spencer murmured as he positioned himself above Brendon, voice shaky and wrecked. "Hey, Bren, can you open your eyes?" Brendon's face shone with perspiration and wisps of hair stuck to his forehead.

"Hi, gorgeous."

"Hi, yourself," Spencer answered, looking for some sign of …something in Brendon's eyes as he reached down, slicking his bare erection. He'd never done this without a condom.

"I'm not scared or whatever, okay?" Brendon said. "I love you. And I want you. Come on."

"I fucking love you..." They kissed then, laughing at first, their mouths gentle as they could manage with the awkwardly leveraged body mechanics; Brendon's knees folded up high, hands gripping hard onto Spencer's upper arms as he balanced with one hand on his cock. He pressed and held his breath until the resistance gave and he slid inside. Brendon's moan, voice either pleasured or pained unclear, was loud in Spencer mouth. It felt warm, wet, tight, liquid-in-his-bones, and Spencer was so, so glad, that Brendon wouldn't shame him if he came in the next twenty seconds.

"Okay. I'm good. You can move."

"Can't." Spencer shook his head in the pillow by Brendon's face. "Gonna come if I move." Brendon made a soothing noise, petting his hands down Spencer's back then down over his ass. It was the first time Brendon had really touched his ass and he wasn't shy about it. He curved his fingers low, squeezed, and pulled Spencer closer, deeper.

"Oh, you little…" Spencer groaned, chuckled, and whimpered at the same time. The intensity of first penetration finally eased, allowing him to move a little. Tiny rocking movements forward grew into firmer thrusts that soon had both of them panting. Brendon reached for his cock and started jerking off. "Fuck, yes. Yeah, oh god." Spencer really couldn't handle it. This probably wasn't the best sex he'd ever have but it had to highlight one of the hottest moments in his life. "Gonna come. Can't help it."

And he did, pushing as deep as he could, shuddering as his orgasm ricocheted through him. Brendon had stopped jerking off, just watching him, Spencer could feel it. It was a little embarrassing, but he did like being the center of Brendon's focus.

"That was … I don't ever want to forget that," Brendon said, his expression fond and fingers gentle as he stroked up Spencer's neck and through his beard. "Can you stay right there?" he asked.

Spencer swallowed and nodded. He was overstimulated but still half hard. Brendon lay back, shifting a little, which made Spencer exhale and shiver, but he was still looking up at Spencer with awe and love when he took his cock in hand. He jerked off quick and quiet, watching and wetting his lips with his tongue. Spencer felt the squeezing pulse of his orgasm a moment before Brendon closed his eyes, striping his own stomach as he came.

~

Spencer couldn't sleep well, being in an unusual bed, the too quiet stillness of the cabin, the pillow was all wrong, and …and there was a naked Brendon next to him. That part was actually fine. He rolled onto his side, tucked his bent arm under his head, and looked at Brendon. He was so at ease in his sleep, less pretty maybe, without his sweet smile and a day's growth dark on his jaw. But he was still gorgeous with no trace of the constant concern for the people under his care.

There was a freckle on his jaw that Spencer wanted to kiss and pale hairless skin on his upper thigh he wanted to rub his face against. Then he remembered that he really was allowed do those things now.

Without consciously intending to do so, he reached out and touched Brendon's hair and then the back of Brendon's hand, curled on the mattress between them. Spencer stroked over the smooth gold band on Brendon's finger. He gripped his fist to feel the unfamiliar metal bite into his own finger. Truth be told, he really didn't like wearing a ring, the way water got trapped under it, and he sometimes had this delusional vision of getting it hung up on something and having his finger torn off. He wondered for a moment if there was some kind of psychological symbolism at play there but regardless, he figured it best not to mention it.

Spencer eventually hit real sleep for maybe an hour, lying half on top of Brendon. He woke when Brendon kissed his forehead and slipped off to the bathroom. Spencer opened his eyes after he heard the toilet flush and squinted into the light of the open bathroom door.

He could see Brendon's back. He was standing still and Spencer could see him looking at his own reflection in the mirror. Brendon turned on the water and washed his hands then bent to wash his face. He dragged his wet hands through his hair and continued looking at himself while he dried off. He clenched his ass and Brendon reached back, knuckling the tight muscle. If the move was unconsciously soothing a deeper ache, his expression didn't show it. Instead he scratched at his scruffy chin, smoothed and then re-mussed his hair. He scratched at his chest, absently thumbing over his nipple a few times. There was a near smile on his face when he turned the light out. Spencer was still seeing bright spots when Brendon curled back into bed, his cool hands slipping over Spencer's stomach to his hip.

Spencer shifted with him, letting him know he was awake, kissing his face in the dark until he found his mouth. "Okay?"

"Mm, hmm," Brendon hummed, happy, and kissed Spencer's neck, moving on top of him.

"This …yeah," Spencer sighed, hugging him close, wriggling until they fit just right.

"I want to sleep like this," Brendon muttered into his shoulder, his weight settling heavier on top of him.

"Okay," Spencer said, squeezing him. "Okay." Brendon was a little too heavy, a little too hot, but he could feel Brendon's heartbeat against his chest. Spencer closed his eyes, feeling a low ember of arousal, though he was too tired to get hard. He was already scratching the back of Brendon's neck without even realizing it. Being highly aware of being allowed to touch now, he slid his hand along Brendon's body, fitting his hand over the curve of his ass. He wondered if he'd ever manage sleep again with a naked Brendon within reach.

He managed. They slept until noon and upon waking, the only words they spoke were 'yes' and 'more' and 'love'. (And 'fuck-ah-fuck!' but only by Spencer.) Later they had food delivered and Spencer hid under the blankets when Brendon answered the door wearing nothing but Spencer's wedding jacket, clutching it closed at the front.

~

Brendon had progressed from lying with his face pillowed on Spencer's stomach, sweeping his fingers in long slow circles over his skin, to straddling his hips and actively running his hands over Spencer's chest.

"It really doesn't do anything for you?" he asked, circling an index finger around one nipple.

"Mm," Spencer hummed as he wriggled a little. "Feels nice but not …I don't think it feels like it does to you."

Brendon's cock hung soft, the head dragging over his own dick as he moved over him. Spencer was content to lay back and let Brendon explore to his heart's content but after nearly an hour of attention, he couldn't ignore his arousal anymore.

"Hey, wanna do it like this?" Spencer asked, palming his semi-erection and gently squeezing at Brendon's inner thigh. "You on top?"

"Like? Oh. Yeah." He returned Spencer's grin like they were the first people to invent it.

Brendon started pressing little kisses to his neck and collarbone while Spencer maneuvered a now slick hand between them and curved it up along the crease of Brendon's ass. He watched Brendon's face go from startled to slack as he fingered him. He kept at it when he leaned up to suck on Brendon's bottom lip when it formed an 'o' and slowed his fingers when he felt Brendon tense against him.

"Not too sore?" Spencer asked. Brendon jerked his head no and then opened his eyes to reassure Spencer with a smile, beginning to relax.

His hole was still pliant, stretching more easily than the previous time, so Spencer pulled his fingers away and quickly moved to slick his cock. "Okay, now, just-"

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure I get the mechanics going on here, Spence." Brendon huffed, gripping Spencer's cock himself and raising an eyebrow in what Spencer assumed was supposed to be an imitation of him.

"Okay, okay," Spencer laughed. "I was just going, going to, oh…" he faded off as Brendon started sliding onto him. "Yeah, you got it."

Brendon went slow, adjusting his weight on his hands, one planted in the middle of Spencer's chest as he worked until the angle felt right. Spencer's legs twitched with the instinct to move but he held still, doing nothing but clenching his muscles. Brendon winced and leaned forward before carefully pushing back, finally seating against him.

"Spence."

"Yeah," he soothed, stroking both hands up Brendon's sides. "It's okay. Just wait. Don't move if you don't want to. Or stop. It's up to you."

Brendon sniffed and pushed himself up a little bit. "I'm okay, okay? Was just sayin'. You know …wow."

Spencer would have mocked Brendon's inarticulate-ness, but he wasn't so much with the word speaking ability himself.

They didn't move for a while, stretching forward to kiss and little by little Brendon began to rock, taking him in deeper. He readjusted his legs to rise up and slide back down the length of him. Every movement was a cautious experiment that grew more forceful once he was sure.

This was the third time in two days, and they were both feeling worn, oversensitive, but it was enough to make it the heightened kind of intense. Spencer squirmed, bending his knees to plant his feet and then stretching out again to resist. Brendon leaned down and sat up again, both restless and neither finding quite the right way.

"What is it? Tell me what you want," Spencer said when Brendon lay on his chest again with a tired, frustrated sound.

"It's okay but there's …it's like something isn't right. Something's off. Fix it, Spencer."

They both chuckled and hugged until they caught their breath again, trading kisses and touching enough to keep Spencer hard inside him.

Spencer rested a moment longer before he had an idea. "Here, lets…" He braced himself and wriggled backward, closer to the wall. Brendon started snickering under his breath as he was dragged along for the ride, which set Spencer off, too.

"I really love you," Brendon giggled with a kiss into Spencer's mouth.

"You, too. Now here, can you put your hands on the headboard?" Brendon did, but stretching forward pulled him up and nearly off of Spencer's cock, so he held Brendon's hips, planted his feet and thrust up into him.

"Oh! Oh, sh-!" Brendon gasped, keeping himself from swearing. "That's it."

Spencer moved like that again, pulling Brendon down while he fucked up into him, slow and then quick. Slow, then hard and fast. Spencer loved hearing Brendon grunt and moan, and he continued thrusting until his legs ached and he had to rest. He stroked Brendon's cock and he winced.

"Sorry. Here." Spencer pulled one of Brendon's hands down onto his dick. "You."

He half-supported Brendon's weight and thrust as well as he could. but the sight of Brendon's fingers curled around his cock, the bend in his thin wrist, was still a distraction.

It was probably the most ungainly sex they'd had yet, moving in starts and stops, both of them feeling raw, out of breath, and (in Spencer's case) out of practice.

And yet it was still so good, the naked touching, kissing, and exploring new things without guilt or embarrassment. As much as Spencer believed that sex between consenting, unmarried adults was okay, he would admit that having sex without the morning after politics was nice. There was no wondering how long he should wait before he could call or debating whether the sex was good enough to even warrant it. Brendon loved him without condition or reservation, and anything that wasn't perfect yet could be worked out together.

~

Spencer had sensed when Brendon sprawled over his lower back. It had taken a long time to fall asleep with Brendon burrowed into his side. He remembered lying there, primed for post-orgasm sleep, but every movement Brendon made pulled him back to wakefulness.

Spencer had seldom slept (and never well) with a lover in his bed. He'd actually slept alone his entire life. Still, he eventually dozed off partway into a minor freak out that marriage had robbed him of sleep for the rest of this life.

He smiled into his pillow when Brendon kissed his spine.

"Spencer," Brendon said in a clear voice. He had apparently been awake longer than Spencer had been.

"Hm?" He had to clear his throat and swallow and try again. "Yeah?"

"Do you have secret Ninja underwear secrets?"

"What?" Spencer snorted, trying to push up and look back, but he felt Brendon pulling his boxers down.

"Well, I keep taking these off you and they keep getting back on," Brendon chided and Spencer laughed into his pillow, helpfully lifting his ass for Brendon the get them off.

"I don't like my junk dragging on the sheets when I sleep."

"Mm, I like it," Brendon disagreed, down by his ankles. Spencer only had a moment to feel vulnerable before Brendon was lying over him again, warm and solid, reassuring in intent, like he knew how Spencer felt.

He felt kisses all down his spine, over the dimples above his ass, and then slowly back up to his shoulders. He sighed, content and also highly aware of Brendon's cock, stiff as it dragged up Spencer's inner thigh.

"Spence?" Brendon's voice was heavy, careful. "Spencer, can I, I want to be inside you." He kissed the back of Spencer's neck and nuzzled there. "That okay?"

Spencer nodded. He meant to vocalize something but sound stuck in his throat again.

Brendon was quiet and so steady. Spencer shivered at the press of fingers inside him. The feeling of invasion faded and just when he was relaxed enough to spread his thighs, chasing the want for more, he felt the touch of wet cock and inhaled, willing himself to relax and arch back slightly.

"'kay. Okay," Brendon whispered, more to himself than to Spencer, and pushed.

He was ready for the pressure, but the slight nerves he had in anticipation of the stretch eased at the sound of his name uttered in Brendon's whine. Spencer was so gone for him.

He tried to relax, reaching back so that his hand connected with Brendon's thigh while he pressed deeper, but the angle wasn't quite right and he hissed, flinching forward.

"What? What?" Brendon asked, voice tight but concerned, lube wet fingers setting gentle on his hip.

"Pinches," Spencer grumbled, already arching, adjusting to make it better.

He could feel Brendon inch his knees a little closer. "Sorry, this better?" he asked, moving carefully and dropping a kiss to Spencer's ribs, sticky fingers petting the back of his arms.

"It's, I'm…" and he realized that, "Yeah. S'good."

"You can tell me how to make it better. Or we can stop." Brendon sounded very much like he hoped Spencer wouldn't want to stop but of course he would at the first request. That awareness was something singular to doing this with Brendon. There was no sense of obligation, no need to tolerate discomfort or unease because Brendon loved him and genuinely wanted to make it good. Maybe that was a part of why it really did feel okay.

"No, don't stop," he answered. "Just, I guess, go easy at first."

"I can do that." Brendon began to pull out slowly before sliding back in, both palms on Spencer's ass, watching, Spencer knew. His thumb rubbed over the thin skin where it was tight around Brendon. The feeling of being full, the friction making him hard, diffused the awkwardness of being under direct scrutiny. He actually liked the dirtysexy feel good of letting Brendon fuck him, letting him see and touch.

Being this way, on his knees, unable to see Brendon behind him made Spencer aware of his other senses. Brendon's hand sliding over his back, the difference between how he touched Spencer for the pleasure of doing so and the overt touches when he wanted to check in. Spencer gripped his fingers then, turning to kiss Brendon over his shoulder when he lay over Spencer's back to get closer.

"Don't want to stop," Brendon breathed heavily behind his ear. "But I can't last much longer."

"Me too." On both accounts.

Brendon didn't speak again, just shifted up onto his knees, soothing his hands over Spencer's sides for a moment, before setting his grip and thrusting a hard pace, fucking deep. Spencer let his weight fall onto his shoulder, vision blurred, reaching for his cock, trying to come before Brendon finished.

Brendon gasped and made a low noise in his throat, fingertips biting deep and thrusting like he'd finally found his rhythm. Spencer just gave over to it, to him, lasting another minute before the tight hot rush of his orgasm spilled from him. He didn't even try to stifle his groan as his body continued to spasm around Brendon's cock. For all the intensity of effort, Brendon made a surprised sound when he came, going still with his body pressed against Spencer's ass. He shuddered, wrapped Spencer in his arms, and together they collapsed onto their sides.

After some minutes, Spencer rolled over, carefully navigating the wet spots and shifting into Brendon's side.

"So. Wow." There weren't a lot of words outside of 'well fucked' to describe feeling 'well fucked'.

"I know, right?" Brendon smiled but it faded immediately into a more thoughtful expression. "You'll," he started, glancing at Spencer, "you'd tell me if you didn't like something, right?"

"Something give you the impression I didn’t like that?"

"No."

Spencer huffed and climbed on top of him, caging him with his elbows. "When have I ever not argued with you?"

Brendon finally made real eye contact.

"I know. I guess… I felt kind of, like I forgot about you? I kinda felt all animal-like for a few seconds. Kinda freaked me out."

Spencer couldn't help himself, under his breath he sang a little Nine Inch Nails, "I wanna fuck you like an animal..."

"Jerk. I'm serious," Brendon grumbled though there was a laugh to it.

"Whatever." Spencer kissed him and rubbed his nose against Brendon's until he turned his head away, poking Spencer in the side, laughing in spite of himself. "Okay, look. That was just fucking. No, for real. Listen," he ducked his head to make eye contact again because Brendon had huffed and looked away. "It's sometimes hard and dirty, sloppy and nasty - Don't crinkle your nose at me." Spencer laughed and tried to make himself heavier and wriggled against Brendon's squirming, pinning him. "Did you think it would always be candlelight and rose petals? C'mon. We're guys. We fuck and we like it like that sometimes. Get used to it, man."

Brendon sighed and looked down at Spencer's side, dragging his fingertips over the spot he'd gripped so tightly earlier. "I think I might have bruised you."

"Yeah. It was hot. It was." Spencer pressed so close to his face their noses touched. "You working out what gets you off, Brendon? That's hot as fuck, okay? Full stop. No explanation needed."

There was quiet between them then, content eye contact making them aware of the moment. This was it, Spencer realized, what they'd been waiting for, lying naked together, discussing their sex life not in theory but as a real and present thing.

"Okay," Brendon whispered.

Finally.

~

[Obligatory ~Six Months Later]

Spencer usually participated in the fellowship after Brendon's Saturday evening sermon. It was mainly the younger parishioners and the marrieds who wanted to sleep in on Sunday mornings. Spencer was also proud enough of Brendon to think they valued his teachings as much as they valued their morning sleep.

Today though, rather than socializing, he was in Brendon's office, slouching in the big chair behind the desk, rapidly clacking the stapler together. Most weeks there were Biblical points that clawed at his mind and Spencer looked forward to going home and taking Brendon to task. He liked to debate dogma. Debate and then afterward spend time in bed unwinding their tension.

But this sermon had struck him heavy in the gut and left him unsettled.

"There you are," Brendon said, squeezing his shoulder a couple times before putting his Bible and notebook in his desk drawer and locking it. He wouldn't take them home; Saturday night was all Spencer's. "What's up?"

"Nothing," Spencer answered and he smiled. It was a good smile, as smiles went, most people would buy it, but not Brendon. He sat against the edge of the desk, facing Spencer. After a moment, Brendon reached out and put his hand over Spencer's, stilling the clicking stapler.

"Spence?" He set the stapler aside and replaced it with his hand. "Something going on?"

"I guess. Sorry."

Brendon shook his head but waited.

"It's just…that bit about," Spencer hesitated, scratching his temple, feeling foolish now that he was putting it to words, "about your most important relationship being with God and all other relationships coming second. You specifically included marriage in that."

"Well, yeah," Brendon answered like it was obvious, though avoided sounding jerky.

"Yeah?" Spencer repeated, though his tone was definitely snide. "Well, that's… Well, you're my number one. You don't have to worry about that. But what if you get sent off to fu-freakin' Antarctica or something? I don't want to live in Antarctica. Brendon, I'm not ever moving to Antarctica, and I don't think my husband should leave me if God commands him to go."

The expression on Brendon's face showed concern but flickered to amusement for a second, which pissed Spencer off a little bit.

"This is funny to you? That's good to know."

"Spencer."

"Don't."

"Spencer, come on, stop," Brendon was giggling a little and crowded into Spencer's space, moving forward until he was straddling his lap. A normal-sized man would never have fit but he made it work. "I love you."

Spencer huffed. "I love you, too, which I think was my point here, but I'm outranked in the hierarchy."

"Are you for real with this?" Brendon asked.

Spencer glared and Brendon put a hand over his left eyebrow, laughing. "Don't point that at me!" Spencer shook his hand off but Brendon continued talking. "It's like this, okay? My relationship with God comes first, that's true, and God wants me to honor my husband, and if my husband refuses to go to Antarctica, then I will respect that."

"Even if you're a pastor? 'Cause that could actually happen, you know?"

"You outrank my job. I can be a Christian and love God without being a pastor. If I really had to, if I had to pick between you and my job?" Brendon put his arms around Spencer's shoulders. "You'd win every time."

"Yeah?"

Brendon kissed him slow and sweet and smiled. "Yeah."

"I wouldn't ever make you pick, you know?"

"I know. See, that's why it works!"

"Unless it's Antarctica."

"Unless it's Antarctica."

~

Thank you for reading! Comments are welcome.