FIC--Changing Perceptions--Part Four--Autumn
Title: Changing Perceptions
Rating: R
Summary: How exactly did James and Lily get together in their seventh year?
Words: 8,760
Betas: queenb23more
Part Three--The Hogwarts Express
Changing Perceptions
A James and Lily Fan-Fiction
Having Lily Evans for a girlfriend was only slightly different than not having her as a girlfriend. She still studied entirely too much for any one person and she spent her free time admonishing anyone for having a little bit of fun, himself included. However, James did notice that since they "officially yet unofficially" started dating, she'd taken to wearing a bit of make-up on a daily basis, not too much thank you very much, and even smiled much more than she had in previous years. He liked to think he was the one who put that smile on her face; actually, she smiled quite a bit after their marathon snogging sessions in empty classrooms, secluded broom cupboards, or even in his dorm room.
She frustrated him like no other witch, yet excited him all the more. She was the one who always kept control, never letting things go too far or too fast. But when she did let him do something new, Merlin, it was bloody brilliant! Only a few days before, as they lay entwined on the grass under the beech tree, James inched his hand along the smooth skin of her thigh until it crossed the border of her skirt hem. He paused, broke their kiss and looked up at her, expecting Lily to grab his hand and pull it away, but what she did nearly made him come in his trousers. She did, in fact, take his hand, and instead of deterring it from its goal, she placed it on her scandalously thin knickers, where the heat and wetness of her arousal were unmistakable.
"Damn," he'd whispered in her ear before plunging his tongue inside the shell of her ear while his hand massaged her over her knickers. She squirmed beneath him, urging him on until she could bear it no longer and told him to put a finger inside her, which he did with enthusiasm, quickly bringing her over the edge and quieting her scream of pleasure with his mouth.
He smiled as he remembered the flutter of her body around his fingers, making his crotch grow tighter. He couldn't wait to see her again.
But it wasn't just the physical aspects that he adored about being with her. She challenged him, made him think, gave him new insights to things he never would have thought of.
"So why should I care about the bloody Americans? I mean, they're clear across the world," he pointed out one afternoon while she read to him from the London Times.
"Because, James," she began, her voice bearing the know-it-all tone that always turned him on, "the Americans and Soviets have enough nuclear missiles to blow up the world ten times. That's why you should care."
"That would never happen. Wizards wouldn't allow it."
She huffed and sent some of her hair flying. "Wizards can cause just as much destruction as Muggles. And hello, didn't you hear me tell you that Khrushchev was a wizard? He pushed Kennedy toward nuclear war in '62. I thought you paid attention in Muggle Studies."
He merely winked at her and gave her a crooked grin.
"Now I know who to ask when I have questions about the exam." He took her face in his hands and kissed her swiftly, yet deeply, making sure that no one saw him. Her blush was a great reward.
"OI, POTTER!"
James shook his head and focused on his surroundings. He was at Quidditch practice and a Bludger was heading straight for him.
"Fuck!" he swore and sent his broom flying to the left, barely missing the heavy ball. A whistle from the captain signalled for the team to land.
He touched down and easily swung his legs off the broom, propping it on his shoulder as he walked to join the rest of the team. The scowls from his teammates indicated that this would not be a pleasant discussion.
"What the bloody hell is up yer arse, Potter?" shouted Ian O'Ryan, captain of the Gryffindor team, and a right pillock in James' opinion. "Ye've been off in the land o' nod all practice."
"Shove off, Ian," James retorted. "I've got a lot on my mind."
"Think he just needs to let someone suck him off," added Steven Wyndham haughtily. "And since Evans won't do him-"
James cut him off with a swift right hook, landing squarely on Steven's jaw. Shrieks from the girls and encouragement from the males on the team were all too soon interrupted by a harsh voice from behind them.
"What is the meaning of this?" screeched Professor McGonagall, her lips pursed tightly and her robes flapping behind her.
"Pudder hibbee," sputtered Wyndham as blood spilled down his jaw from the cut on his lips.
"Potter?" She tuned swiftly in James' direction and he felt about a meter tall.
"Sorry," he muttered softly, hoping that would be all that was required of him.
"Pardon me, Mr. Potter? I don't think I heard your explanation, now did I?" McGonagall spat back at him. "As Head Boy, I'd expect better from you. Perhaps suspension from the match is in order?"
Groans and swearing followed her words and James' jaw clenched in irritation.
"He insulted Lily!" he blurted out, chest puffed up, ready to take on the tosser should he dare say anything more.
"Well, I hardly believe violence was the proper resolution to this. Twenty points from Gryffindor and a detention for you tomorrow night, Potter." McGonagall turned her attention to Wyndham and quickly fixed his lip, then looked at the entire team. "Potter will not be suspended and please don't make me regret wagering Professor Slughorn fifteen Sickles on the match."
The group of teenagers watched her return to the castle and once she was out of earshot, sniggers became giggles, giggles became laughter, and laughter gave way to guffaws. James and Steven eyed each other cautiously, neither of them laughing.
"I oughta bench ye fer that, Potter," Ian stated, "but I think McGonagall'd blow a gasket if I cost her money."
"You've got detention tomorrow?" screamed Sirius when James told him of his detention with McGonagall the next night. "It's full moon! You've never missed a full moon since fifth-year!" His voice bounced around the walls of the Gryffindor Common Room, causing them both to look anxiously around, not wanting others to cotton onto what Sirius was referring to.
"Yeah, I do! And I'd gladly take a hundred detentions for what that bastard-" he pointed at Steven Wyndham-"said about her!" James stared at the younger boy, who silently made his way to the boys' staircase and continued up it until he was out of sight.
"James, what's up with you and Lily anyways?" asked Peter, rifling through his Charms text. "You seem, I don't know, cosy lately."
James' ire quickly faded at the mention of her name and he leaned over to Peter.
"None of your business," he hissed quietly. It was very difficult to keep it from his friends that he was seeing Lily; they had few secrets between them and trusted each other implicitly.
"Oh come on," Peter whined, closing his book hard. "Since when have you been so secretive?"
He looked to Remus and Sirius for answers, but both of them quickly turned away, burying their noses in their respective books.
"Why aren't you telling me anything?" he shouted, drawing attention from the others in the room.
James took a deep breath and looked at each of his friends: Sirius, looking smug and barely containing a giggle, Remus, appearing to be nonchalant and not doing a very good job of it, and Peter, appearing irate and frustrated.
"First off, Wormtail, you were an arse this summer, what with your attitude and all. And second, why do I have to tell you everything? I don't see you telling me what you were up to, hanging around with Yaxley, the big oaf," James spat.
Peter had begun spending time with Barney Yaxley at the end of the previous school year, causing a bit of a rift between the four Marauders. Yaxley swam in the same circles as Snape, Carrow, and the rest of the Slytherin crowd, who made it no secret that they fancied the mania spewed by You-Know-Who.
Peter's chair began to shake as his temper flared and Sirius placed a calming hand on his right shoulder.
"Hey, easy there, Wormy. Prongs is just frustrated, in the sexual way. Has been for years," Sirius teased, trying to lighten the mood. "What's the matter with you, Pete? You finally get pubes?"
"Fuck off, Padfoot!" Peter shrugged the hand off his shoulder and noisily gathered his things and stormed up the stairs.
"Yep," piped Sirius, "he got pubes."
Remus' head flew back as he let loose a loud and thunderous laugh which was followed by Sirius' own barking guffaw. James merely rolled his eyes at his friends and placed his books in his bag.
"Grow up, would you?" he huffed. "Come on, it's late anyhow. And we have Potions first thing."
"Yeah, I need to get some sleep, seeing as I'll be indisposed tomorrow evening," Remus stated, his face wearing a worried expression.
"Oh, Moony. Your furry little problem got you all itchy?" teased Sirius, making James' anger lessen a bit. "Did you forget the flea powder again?" The three of them laughed together, the previous tension forgotten.
James looked at his two best friends and thought of Lily. He wanted to be completely honest with her and there were really only two things that she needed to know: Remus was a werewolf and the rest of the Marauders were Animagi. Taking a deep breath, he stopped his friends' movement towards the stairs.
"Hey, uh, can I tell you two something?"
Remus paused in his task of packing his bag. "What is it?" he asked quietly.
"I want to tell her," James said, the knots in his stomach beginning to twist and turn uncomfortably.
"Tell who what?" Sirius asked, his eyebrows raised in curiosity.
James sighed and cocked his head to the side, hoping they would understand. When neither of them answered, James admitted, "Lily. I want to tell her about…about us."
"Ah, Prongs, she's not gonna like hearing that we're together," Sirius quipped, ruffling James' hair, which James promptly slapped away.
"Sirius…come on, leave him alone," Remus chastised. "James, if we told her, then we'd have to tell her about me." James had never seen his friend look so worried.
"Moony, this is Lily we're talking about. We can trust her," James urged. "I want to be honest with her."
"Can we? She is, after all, an old friend of Snivellus'. What if she runs off to him and spills it all?" Sirius added, his voice full of irritation.
James was gobsmacked.
"Padfoot! They haven't been friends for a long time, and you know it!" James shouted, unable to hold in his reaction. "She's one of the most honest people I know…that we all know. If you can't trust her, who can you trust?"
His eyes went from Remus to Sirius and back again, silently pleading for them to agree with him.
"And…and why, exactly, do you all of a sudden want to be completely honest with our Head Girl? Hmm?" Sirius cocked his head to the side; it was difficult to tell whether he was still pissed off or was toying with him.
With a heavy sigh, James sat down on the chair he'd vacated earlier and tried to organise his thoughts. He really wanted to tell them he and Lily were seeing each other. He hated having to keep that from his two best friends; the three of them hid nothing from each other. While Peter was their friend as well, his behaviour and his new 'friends' made James' trust waver over the last few months. James also knew that if he and Lily were to have any kind of relationship beyond school, he had to be completely honest with her, and that meant sharing his secret and, ultimately, Remus' as well.
"We...Lily and I…we're dating," he finally admitted, a goofy grin spreading his face giddily.
"Pay up, Padfoot," Remus said cheekily. "Come on, ten Knuts."
"What?" James asked. "You knew?"
Sirius leaned over and hit James on the forehead.
"He's dumber than we thought, Moony. Of course, we knew, you twat," Sirius teased. "We only bet on when you'd finally tell us. I bet you'd wait until after the Quidditch match against Slytherin, Wormtail bet that you'd cave by Christmas, and Moony, here, knew you'd fold before the end of September." He dug inside a pocket it his bag, retrieving some coins and tossing them to Remus.
"You had absolutely no faith in me, Moony? Thought you knew me better than that," James said as he watched the bronze Knuts fly through the air and land in Remus' hand.
"Nope, none at all. And speaking of the fair Ms Evans, I do believe it's time for us to take our leave, Padfoot," Remus said, turning to the portrait hole, which revealed a weary-looking Lily.
James didn't watch his friends ascend the stairs; he only had eyes for her. A quick look around the common room told him they were alone.
"Tough night on rounds?" he asked, taking her bag off her shoulder and leading her over to the sofa near the dying fire.
Lily smiled at him and settled in next to him, wrapping an arm around his chest as he leaned back into the corner of the sofa. He began absently stroking her hair as she closed her eyes.
"Damn Slytherins," she muttered in the middle of a yawn. "A group of 'em had a little party right outside the kitchens. House-elves were stupid enough to give them Butterbeer and mead. Got drunk right there in the corridor."
James had a difficult time restraining his laughter. If it had been him, he'd have used the Map and found a more suitable place for the party.
"How old were they?" he managed to get out.
"Are you laughing?" She sat up and look at him with wild eyes and began to huff as she breathed, which only made him stare at her chest. "Hello, James? Up here! Look at me, not my tits!"
Lily lifted his chin and James gathered his composure. Her eyes, while staring at him angrily, were also full of mischief, a wonderful combination in his opinion.
"Never, m'dear," he said smoothly, leaning into her and kissing her lightly. He could feel her smile under his lips and he pulled her closer, running a hand down her back.
Lily opened her mouth, inviting his tongue into her mouth, and she sighed as it raked across hers. She held his head in her hands, deepening the kiss even more, and slid into his lap. He felt his jeans tighten, making him groan and shift his hips as they kissed, moving her away from his crotch. This was not the time.
She pulled away and pressed feather-light kisses along his neck, taking some of his skin inside her mouth and sucking on it eagerly. There would be a mark, he knew that much, but he didn't care. He'd wear it with pride.
For what seemed like hours, they continued to exchange kisses and caresses until it became quite clear that things were progressing at a dangerous pace. One of them had to stop before something happened. James opened his eyes, finally taking in his surroundings.
Lily lay on her back, underneath him, her school robes in a pile on the floor, along with her Gryffindor tie, her shoes, and sweater vest. Her shirt was unbuttoned, revealing her white bra. He couldn’t help himself and began mouthing the flesh above the cup, earning him a groan of pleasure from deep within her throat and a squeeze in his groin.
He reluctantly pulled away from her, taking in his own state of undress. The t-shirt he wore had long ago joined her robes on the floor and the zipper and button of his jeans were open, revealing his red boxer shorts and an over-eager cock.
"James…" Lily purred. "What's wrong?" She sat up and straightened her shirt, buttoning two of the buttons in the wrong buttonholes.
"No-nothing. We just…can't. Not…now," he stammered, sighing heavily as he fell back against the cushions on the opposite side of the sofa.
"But…" Lily sat up and scooted next to him, the scent of her arousal drifting up to his nostrils, muddling his thinking. "But I've done it before." She sounded as if she were pleading with him to take it further.
That was unexpected, he thought. Then he had a terrible thought: Did she do it with Remus?
"It…it wasn't Remus, if that's what you're thinking," she said, her voice not holding any hint of irritation. "It was another boyfriend…a Muggle."
Somehow, that revelation was not as comforting as he was sure she had intended it to be.
"Really?" he asked in a high voice that embarrassed him.
Lily looked at him, head cocked to the side, and climbed up in his lap again, making him close his eyes to the sight of her tousled hair and kiss-swollen lips which were threatening to make him shove aside any thought of reigning in their passion. He took a deep breath and pulled her down against his chest, careful not to rub her enticing bum against his erection.
"Well, we only did it twice," she admitted, "and it wasn't very good." She pulled a face: half smile and half grimace.
"I'm sorry," he said softly, kissing her cheek. "He was an idiot."
James shook his head, silently berating the nameless boy who was selfish and had left her obviously wanting more.
"How'd you know?" She tried to smile but it was obvious that there was pain in her voice.
Placing a hand on her cheek, James met her gaze and gathered his thoughts. "Lily," he began, "there's nothing worse than a bloke being selfish."
She bit her lip and sighed.
"Who…who were you-"
"Doesn't matter," he interrupted. "Not important."
"How many?" she asked, looking away from him.
"Lily, it's not important," he repeated, turning her face back toward him.
"Do I sleep in the same room with any of them? Merlin knows you've got the reputation for it!"
James winced at the tone of her voice.
"That's Sirius…not me," he pointed out. "Only two, if you really must know. And no…no one in your room." He felt like an ass having this conversation, but it was bound to come up sooner or later.
She stared at him, her mouth open, as if she didn't believe a word that came out of his mouth.
"Only…only two?" Lily was never flustered and seeing her act like this was a completely new experience for him.
"Yeah."
"And…and did you love either of them?" Her voice began to crack and his heart ached as he saw the tears beginning to form in her eyes.
He shook his head in answer to her question. "The first one…she was…she was older. Taught me a lot." He smiled fondly at the memory of his time with her the summer between his fourth and fifth years. He waited for Lily to say something, but when she remained silent, he continued, "The other girl…she and I, well, it was just a few times and we stopped after a few weeks. She did it to get her boyfriend mad."
Her eyes widened and he knew she had puzzled it out. Remus was right; she did know who he dated and when.
"Nar-"
"Doesn't matter," he interrupted again, placing a finger on her lips to silence her protests. "Lily, none of it matters anymore. She used me and I felt like shit afterwards. I'm here with you and I'm not going to jump into bed with you just to get a leg over. I want it to mean more than that with you."
Lily smiled weakly and ran the back of her hand over her eyes, taking the stray tears along with it.
"Sorry," she sniffed. "It's just…it's just…overwhelming. I always thought you were…a playboy."
He hugged her tightly and kissed the top of her head.
"Yes, I dated a lot of girls, and yes, I talked about them in an un-gentlemanly way." He released her and looked her in the eye. "But let me tell you this, Lily Evans. I know more about you than any of those other girls and I never made the effort with any of them. When I wrote to you, I wanted to get to know you…the real you, not my fantasy of you. And now that I do, I don't want to do anything that will make you run. I care too much about you to let that happen. I want this…us to work. I've never wanted anything more."
“So you’re not going to tell us anything, are you?” asked Mary from the other side of the table. “I mean, come on, Lily. You never got all that upset the other times he got hurt during a Quidditch match.”
“Yeah,” chimed in Pamela. “What’s so special about James Potter now?”
Lily sighed at the memory of the Quidditch match yesterday.
A roar went up from the crowd as Gryffindor scored another goal, leading Slytherin 110-90. She beamed as James flew by on his broom, waving to her in victory, the brief gesture making her blush. Ever since her first year at Hogwarts, she loved Quidditch. The thrill of it was something of a combination between football and rugby. But watching it now, with James on the team and as her boyfriend, it was all the more exciting.
Play began once again and the players streaked across the crisp autumn air above the pitch. Slytherin was on the offensive, racing toward the hoops in a tight formation. James and the other Chasers sped towards them in an aerial game of chicken.
Lily knew what was going to happen once she saw the Bludger head towards him. James was intent on his target, matching them move for move, intent in his tunnel-vision. The heavy ball sped toward him at break neck speed and clipped him on the shoulder with a crack that could be heard all the way down to the stadium. She cringed at the unmistakable sound and watched helplessly as he began to tumble to the ground.
“James!” she screeched as angry and terrified tears began to flow down her cheeks. She withdrew her want to slow his descent, but Professor Smythe, the referee of the match, was quicker on the draw, allowing James to land softly on the grass below.
Without thinking, without caring who saw her, Lily leapt over the students in front of her and scrambled down the flights of stairs and onto the pitch. Tears blinded her as she ran to the group of players surrounding James. Professor Smythe shouted for Madam Pomfrey, the new matron, and barked reprimands to those crowding around James. She was a few steps from him when she was caught up by a pair of arms.
“He’ll be fine, Lily.”
She looked up to see Sirius comforting her.
“He’s had worse. You know that,” he cooed, settling her nerves somewhat.
“I…I just…it’s he’s…” she stammered. “He’s Head Boy.” Lying about her relationship with James was getting harder and harder these days.
Sirius lifted her chin and smirked at her.
“We know. James told us the other day,” he admitted. “Blighter can’t keep a secret to save his skin.”
“Oh,” was all she managed before she saw James being levitated by on a stretcher, accompanied by Madam Pomfrey and Professor McGonagall. “James! Are you all right?” she asked him with her voice full of panic.
“Hey…you,” he said in a dreamy voice, his hand reaching out toward her.
“He’s been given a strong potion for the pain,” explained Madam Pomfrey.” I doubt he even knows who he is right now. Please, step aside.”
All Lily could do was watch as James floated by with the nurse and the professor, most likely heading toward the castle.
“We’ll keep you posted,” came a soft, reassuring voice. It was Remus. “You’re a Marauder now. Family. And family sticks together.” He put an arm around her and led her in the direction of the castle.
“Too right,” chimed in Peter, who was trailing a few steps behind. “He’s tough. He’ll be out of there in no time.”
She knew it was true, but part of her couldn’t help be unconvinced until she could touch and see him for herself.
“Hello…you in there, Lily?” asked Pamela as she waved a hand in front of Lily’s face.
“Uh…what?” she answered, feeling slightly embarrassed and warmth rising up her neck.
“Not going to answer the questions, eh?” teased Mary, barely able to contain her laughter.
“Wha-what questions?”
She definitely knew what her friends were asking of her, but she wanted them to say it. Until then, she’d ignore it.
“You. Potter. Kissing. I know what I saw, my friend,” stated Mary, inching her chair closer to Lily’s. “In the common room. After your rounds. I came downstairs to look for you and you were sprawled out under him with your blouse unbuttoned.”
Shit, she thought.
There was no hiding it now.
“Confess, Lily,” urged Pamela. “You’re a terrible liar. You’re dating James.”
“Shh! Not so loud!” she hissed, looking around at the tables of students whom she was sure were listening in to her conversation. “Fine. We are. Since the start of term. Now can we please get back to studying? I want to pass this exam,” she answered with a huff, turning back to her Potions book.
“Lily, you could pass that test in your sleep.” Pamela pulled the book away and shut it with a thump. “You lied to us…your best friends.”
“Oh come on, Pam. I didn’t exactly lie to you. I just…didn’t tell you.”
“A lie of omission is the same as a lie of commission,” Mary said offhandedly, earning her a wad of paper tossed onto her head.
Lily was just about to say something but caught sight of Remus walking into the library, looking around and walking towards her.
"Er…excuse me, ladies, but I think Remus wants to talk to me," Lily said, causing her friends to turn toward him standing at the end of the row of stacks.
"Yeah, okay. I'll take your books back for you, okay? He looks entirely too serious for him," said Pamela, who began gathering Lily's things.
"Thanks," Lily answered and stood up from her chair and walked over to Remus, who placed a hand on her shoulder and led her toward the back of the library and into a broom cupboard.
Remus whispered, "Lumos maxima," and a light at the end of his wand lit the small room.
"What's going on? Is something wrong?" Lily asked anxiously. She found a pile of boxes and sat down. "Why'd you bring me in here?"
"Because I don't want anyone else to hear this," he answered softly, sitting down on the floor in front of her, his legs crossed lotus-style. "James wanted me to talk to you. No, no, no…he's fine," he said when she started to say something. "He, well, all of us…James, Sirius, Peter and I…wanted me to tell you something. Now, I have to know that you won't tell a soul about what I'm going to tell you."
"Of course, Remus. You know me better than that," she answered seriously. Remus' tone was a bit worrisome, especially since they'd spent so much time together in the past three years. "What is it?" Instinctively, she took hold of his hands.
"You know I'm not…well."
Lily nodded.
"And you've heard some theories as to why…"
Something in the way that he looked at her sent alarm bells off inside her head but she still said nothing.
"I want you to know that Severus is right. I'm…I'm a-"
"Werewolf?" she gasped, clasping her hands to her face in shock and falling off the box.
"Lily…Lily, calm down," Remus said soothingly. "Let me tell you what happened."
She couldn't speak. She knew it was irrational to be frightened; this was Remus, after all. He was one of the kindest, sweetest, gentlest people she knew.
"I was five years old."
An image of a much younger Remus, attacked by a foaming-at-the-mouth werewolf sickened her.
"He was angry with my father and on a chance meeting one moonlit night…Well, you can fill in the blanks," he said, almost glibly.
"But…but what do you do? You have to…to…" she stammered.
"Transform. You can say it aloud, you know." He paused and took a deep breath. "Dumbledore made…arrangements for me. I go to the Shrieking Shack and the Whomping Willow blocks the tunnel I take there." Remus watched her closely, gauging her reaction. "James and them…they found out second year."
"They did?" She was shocked, yet again. She could still hear Severus' rants over Remus' illness, the timing and such echoing in her ears. Never in a million years did she think it was true. "And Severus?"
"He just figured it out. He's a smart one," Remus mentioned with a slight chuckle. "James saved him from me."
"That's what that was all about? Damn, he should be kissing James' feet for that!"
Lily sprung off the floor and began pacing, rambling about Severus' stubbornness and idiocy about James and his friends.
"Well, he doesn't see it that way," he answered.
Lily was about to say something when the door opened, revealing James, Sirius and Peter.
"Ready for us, Moony?" asked James.
Suddenly, that nickname made complete sense.
Remus nodded and the other three joined them in the cupboard, squeezing into the small space.
"No use being crowded," said Sirius, waving his wand, enlarging the room and conjuring four soft armchairs. "Prongs, be a good boyfriend and set her on your lap."
Lily felt her cheeks burn and then found herself being grabbed from behind and tumbling onto James' lap. He kissed her cheek quickly and scooted over to share the chair with her.
"What's going on?" she whispered to James, feeling very cosy wrapped up there in his arms.
"There…there's more, Lil," James said softly, nodding at Sirius. Lily turned her attention to Sirius, confusion muddling her thinking.
"He told you that we found out in second-year that he was…afflicted," Sirius began with a bit of laughter in his voice, which lightened the mood substantially. "Well, we wanted to keep him company, but there was really only one way to do that without getting ourselves killed."
The four of them looked at her pointedly, urging her to think things through. Suddenly, she understood. Prongs…Padfoot…Wormtail…It couldn't be. Could it?
She felt a squeeze around her middle from James and she turned to him.
"Figure it out?" he said with a smirk, which only served to make her want to shoo the other three out and have him to herself in the broom cupboard. "Wormtail, show her."
Peter nervously stood up from his chair and took a deep breath. Right before her eyes, Peter transformed into a rat and scampered up her leg and into her lap.
"Oh…oh…Holy shit!" Her shout reverberated in the small room and frightened Peter, who jumped off her lap and onto the shelves that lined the walls. "Whe-when did you do that?" she exclaimed, her eye wild.
"Calm down, Lil," James reassured her, rubbing her back with his hand. "Sirius here is a big, hairy cur. Go ahead, show her, Padfoot."
Her attention was turned toward Sirius, who had been uncharacteristically quiet since the conversation started. In fact, he held himself in a completely stand-offish way that made her feel uncomfortable.
Sirius smiled and then changed into a large, black dog with, what she swore was, a broad, cheeky grin on his face.
Sirius, or rather Padfoot, walked over to Lily and began sniffing her. Intimately. James pushed his head away and kneeled before him on the floor.
"Keep yer nose off her!" James protested, giving the dog a thump on the ear and eliciting a sharp yelp.
"James, you know he can't help it," pointed out Remus. "I do it all the time."
"Well, I'm not your girlfriend when you do!" Lily answered sharply while James hugged her possessively.
Peter, as the rat, scampered down onto the floor and returned to his human state. "You should see Moony and Padfoot go at it sometime. Nothing funnier than some dog-on-dog action when they're both blokes!" He burst into fits of giggles and fell back to his chair.
It really was funny, and Lily couldn't help but laugh along with Remus, James, and Peter. Sirius, on the other hand, was obviously not amused and growled at the four of them before transforming back to himself.
"Very funny, Wormtail," Sirius said with great irritation, shaking his head to get his hair unmated. "You've sure been dipping into the funny juice lately, Wormy."
Sirius and Peter continued to banter back and forth, exchanging barbs and verbal jabs. Lily was too distracted by James' hands roaming over her arms and his hot breath against her neck. She closed her eyes and her head fell back and to the side, allowing James to kiss her throat. It was as if the rest of the room disappeared and it was just the two of them.
"Uh, you two want us to leave?"
She and James looked up quickly, startled by the intrusion into their private moment. Lily felt her cheeks flush in embarrassment, especially when she felt James readjust her position on her lap to conceal the erection from his friends that had developed a few minutes ago. Peter's face matched her own, she was sure, and, true to character, Sirius was stifling laughter while Remus merely looked away and investigated a spider web in the corner of the room.
"As a matter of fact, yes," James answered, his voice strong and rugged. Lily was turned on immensely.
"Fine, fine," Remus muttered as he changed the broom cupboard back to its original size, yet leaving James' chair in place. "Come on, you two. I think James wants to take advantage of the broom cupboard."
He waggled his eyebrows and led Sirius and Peter out the door, leaving the two of them alone.
"How's your shoulder?" she asked, settling into his side and draping her legs over the side of the chair.
"Fine," he said, his enticing mouth a mere breath away from hers.
"And...what's your Animagus form?" she asked, mentally hitting herself for not taking advantage of his plump, perfect lips so near to her own.
"Stag. Big, brawny twelve-point stag." His voice was a step above a whisper and breathy.
"Your…your Patronus," she answered, swallowing hard.
"Mmm hmm…"
They leaned in simultaneously and their lips met in a frenzied kiss. His hands held her head to him as he devoured her mouth, his tongue diving inside her mouth to meet hers. She eagerly allowed this assault on her mouth and her body. She allowed him to reach under her shirt and tug her bra aside. Her own hands went to work inside his t-shirt to spread across his chest. She moaned as he pinched a nipple and arched into his hands.
"Damn, Lily," he moaned into her mouth. "Want you…so…fucking bad."
"I know." She couldn't help it. There was something about James that made her desires burn brighter and hotter than for any of the other boys she'd dated. It was if he was the exact match for her spirit and nothing could deny the passion between them. Why had she denied him for so long? Why did she delay the sheer and utter pleasure she knew would be hers when she and James finally gave in…
"But…but not here. Not…time yet," he panted as he pulled away from her, making Lily groan. "Don't do that or I'll never get out of here with my pants on." He chuckled and set her onto the chair as he rose up, holding out a hand to her.
She regretfully took his hand and stood up, straightening her clothing.
"You're driving me mad, you know that?" he said smoothly, tucking some of her hair back behind her ear.
"Don't have to. You can do something about that," she reminded him, holding his hand against her cheek. She stared up at him and hoped that he'd read her meaning.
He broke eye contact and turned his head away, swearing and groaning at the same time.
"Let's go before Remus sends out a search party," James said abruptly, turning the know on the door.
The light of the library temporarily blinded her as he led her out and as her eyes readjusted, she felt the loss of his hand. The sound of a throat clearing startled her; it was Narcissa Black.
"Well, well, well, look what we have here," purred the Slytherin bitch. "A Mudblood? James, you can do better than that. And have. Surely you don't forget."
Lily's temper flared and her jaw clenched, making her itch to whip out her wand and hex the blonde witch.
"I think she's a step up, personally. She's not a snow queen like some people," James added with a sneer. "She has feelings."
He put an arm around her shoulder and steered her away from Narcissa, heading toward the door. Once inside the corridor, James pushed her against the wall, placing his mouth very near her ear and neck.
"Don't ever think that she's better than you," he said in a low whisper that made her skin quiver. "She's a manipulative bitch, that one. Be careful around her."
He pulled away and took her hand, leading her back toward Gryffindor Tower, remaining silent the entire way. She chanced a few, quick glances at him, noticing the way his jaw was set, the slight squint to his eyes and the way his glasses sat perfectly centred on the bridge of his nose when they were usually askew. His good mood evaporated upon meeting up with Narcissa in the library; she knew he was embarrassed that she'd figured out about his relationship with her and having to come face to face with it right after a brilliant snog and grope was not something he had counted on.
Lily stopped, causing him to fall back a bit, turning to her sharply.
"What?" he said, the irritation oozing off him like molasses.
"I…I'm not mad, if that's what you want to know," she said feebly. "You had a life before me."
He stood, dumbstruck, in front of her with his mouth gaping open and his eyes wide in astonishment.
"I don't want to talk about it, okay? It was a mistake and I'm not proud of it. Just pretend it never happened," he barked. "I do."
She rolled her eyes at him, which only served to irritate him further.
"Fine. I don't care who the bloody hell you fucked!" She threw up her arms in exasperation. "Oh, and while we're angry with each other, what was up Sirius' arse tonight? Couldn't say much to me in there, could he?"
That was stupid to bring up, she knew that much, but his mood had rubbed off on her and she couldn't help herself.
"You really wanna know? Well-"
"James!" came a shout from down the corridor, along with the sound of shoes hitting the stone floor in a rhythmic run. It was Sirius. "Ja-James…important…" He bent over and placed his hands on his thighs, panting in exertion. "Just came for you." He reached inside his back pocket and handed James an envelope.
"What is it?" He flipped it over and examined the red wax seal on the back. His face immediately fell.
"Wilbie…Wilbie brought it," Sirius answered, his breathing calmer, yet his lower lip began to quiver.
"Wil-Wilbie?"
Lily looked at James and then at Sirius. If she wasn't mistaken, both of them were starting to tear up.
"James?" she whispered to him.
He turned away, ripping into the letter as he took four steps away. She looked to Sirius, but his face was unreadable. She was just about to say something when she heard James howl and then saw him drop to the floor, the letter tossed aside. Sirius ran to him and the two of them huddled there on the floor, their cries sending shivers up and down her spine. Taking a few steps forward, she picked up the discarded letter, not wanting to read it, but knowing that whatever it was in that letter meant a great deal to James.
James---
Please come home.
Your daddy's dead.
Mummy
James sat at his father's desk, alone in the dark, He'd closed the curtains to block out the sunshine of the warm and bright autumn day. It was as if the world was laughing at his misery and grief.
He hadn't expected to feel this way. His father's prejudices, which so recently annoyed him, had convinced James that he wouldn't grieve when his father died. When the reality of it hit him, he was overwhelmed. Reading his mother's note shook him to the core and cry9ing with Sirius' arms around him soothed him greatly. He felt no shame in crying like a baby; it was his father, after all, his childhood hero, his da-da, the man who bought him sweets at Quidditch matches and who spoke to him with such love. That was the father he missed.
Sirius had gone home with him, which brought a rare smile to his mother's face. There were times in the past year or so when James felt she liked him better. But after thinking about it, realised she doted on him to make up for the family who'd abandoned him.
Remus and Peter showed up for the funeral, which made James feel much better, his grievance with Peter left behind at Hogwarts. The four of them had sat together in this room for hours the night after the funeral while James' mother was tucked in safely for the night in her bed. They drank Firewhisky and drowned their sorrows while they remembered times with Cornelius Potter, before he became a crotchety, bigoted old man. But it was a conversation about Lily that stood out the most in his mind.
"She could still tell Snivellus, you know," Sirius commented as he lay sprawled out on the floor.
"And what if he tells someone else?" Peter asked, sharing some of Sirius' doubts. "Just because we trust Lily, doesn't mean that she deserves that trust." He took another swig of his drink, wincing as it ran down his throat.
"That's low, Wormtail!" James spat back, ready to hex him.
"She won't," was Remus' calm answer. "And he won't, either."
"How do you know?" asked Sirius, asking the question before James could.
A smug look came over Remus' face; he knew something.
"Remus…Remus, what happened?" James asked anxiously. "Not that I object to anyone messing with the greasy git, but come on. How can you be so sure?"
Remus sat up and cleared his throat while motioning for his friends to gather round him.
"Lily and I had rounds the other night-the night after you two left," he said, nodding at James and Sirius. "Severus was on for Slytherin and we met up on the third floor. Well, you know Severus…he took the opportunity to sneer and put the both of us down. Lily'd had enough and got angry at him."
"Good for her," James commented, picturing his wild red head in the heat of battle. Now there was a turn-on.
"Lily took me and Severus aside-"
"Wait! He does rounds with Narcissa! She knows, too?" James leapt to the floor. He couldn't imagine the scene at school when the bitch revealed all their secrets.
"Just listen to me!" Remus pulled James back down onto the floor. "Narcissa was…taken care of. Lily confounded her and put a sleeping charm on her."
The four of them laughed and James felt a great sense of relief wash over him.
"She asked for Severus to come beside us and grabbed his hand. She turned to me and asked me for help. She did an Unbreakable Vow."
"WHAT???" James, Peter and Sirius shouted.
"She made him vow to never reveal my secret or tell anyone about you three. She added a nice twist, too," he explained. "The spell will still be in effect even if something happens to her." Remus smiled proudly and finished his glass of whisky.
James was shocked. Why would Lily do that, and more importantly, why would Snape agree to something like that? She must have promised him something he wanted badly; his head spun at the possibilities.
"What'd he get out of it? Snape's a git but he's not stupid," James pointed out, causing Sirius and Peter to nod in agreement.
Remus slowly rose up from the floor and crossed the room to calmly refill his glass. Without turning around, he said, "Severus will never have rounds with you, James. Lily will be his new Potions partner. He insisted on the last one."
"That's it?" Sirius asked incredulously. "Potions and staying away from James? Come on. There's more to it than that."
"Why should there be?" Peter added. "Right now, Snape's focused on becoming a Potions master, and pairing up with Lily will help him achieve that. Not having to worry about spending time with James merely helps lower his stress level. Makes perfect sense to me, actually."
James and Sirius stared at Peter. Perhaps spending time with the Slytherins gave him insight as to how their minds worked. Interesting.
"Exactly," agreed Remus. "He knows that this year is a huge stepping stone toward the life he wants. The great things he longs for."
James' head was swimming with the news of what Lily had done, but there was still something that bothered him.
"Why?" he blurted out. "Why would Lily do something like that for me? For my friends?"
Remus crossed the room and kneeled in front of James. "There was another part of the Vow."
James swallowed. "What?"
"She said, 'If you care about me at all, as a friend or otherwise, you must never interfere with my relationship with James. You must allow me to love whom I choose.' Severus hated that, but he agreed. He wants her to be happy, even it's not with him. Part of him, at least, is honourable."
The room was silent after that revelation. James couldn't get over the fact that she'd gone to such great lengths for him and his friends. She was amazing, his Lily. The bravery of a Gryffindor, the smarts of a Ravenclaw, and the loyalty known to Hufflepuffs were all mixed in with the ambition of a Slytherin.
James was startled out of his thoughts by the opening of the door and the sound of someone clearing their throat. It was Wilbie.
"Master James," she said, bowing low. "Wilbie has a letter for Master James." She placed the envelope on the mahogany desk in front of him before slowly backing out of the room. He glanced at the writing and smiled. It was from Lily.
Dear James-
I wish I could have gone to the funeral but since the Head Boy was gone, I had double duties.
I'm so sorry about your father. I hear he was a generous man and I know he loved you, despite the things he said this summer.
There's nothing I can really say right now to make you feel better, but I want you to know that I'll be here when you get back. Sirius said you were staying at home for a few more days to help your mum get things settled. Please don't stay away too long. I miss you terribly. But what's really cruel, is that on Friday, I have to leave for my sister's ugly wedding.
Remus told me that you know about the Vow I made with Sev. He can be irrational and quick-tempered and I knew I couldn't risk your safety or that of your friends, knowing that I was perhaps the only one who can control him. He'll leave you--and us-alone. Please don't be angry over what I did. It was the only way to ensure things don't go horribly wrong.
Also, I never apologised about bringing up Narcissa that night when we left the library. You're entitled to share things in your own time. I just wanted you to know that.
All my love,
Lily
Love.
That's what was bothering him. He'd known the love of his parents, his extended family and his friends. But love, real love, the kind of love that makes people write love songs and poems, has thus far eluded him, Until now.
After being with her every day, and then here at home without her, James was very nearly sure that he was in love with Lily Evans. He missed her eyes and the sheer honesty within them; he missed the way her face lit up when she was happy; he missed the way she stuck out the tip of her tongue out of her lips when she was concentrating; he missed her fiery, red hair that showed her unyielding spirit and represented her temper. Yes, he missed kissing her (Merlin, he loved kissing her) but that paled in comparison to how he felt about her. Just her.
It was funny, really, that once he began dating her and was free to kiss her whenever he wanted, that it was the ordinary, quiet moments that he missed the most: reading under the beech tree where he'd carved their initials, sitting at a table in the librry working on homework, snuggled together before the dying fire in the common room fireplace. Just being with her made his life better.
That was settled then. He was in love.
"James?" came his mother's voice from the door.
"Hey, Mum," he said, retrieving his wand and parting the curtains.
"I'm going to miss you so when you leave Thursday morning," she said sorrowfully. "It's going to be so lonely here without your dad." She sat next to him and patted his hand.
"Oh, Mum. I could stay a few more days-"
"No! I won't hear of it! You've your studies to think about, dear," she reassured him with a trembling lip. "Margaret Bones is coming to spend a few days with me. She's bringing her granddaughter, Amelia, along." She smiled for the first time in days.
"How old is she now? She used to follow me around all the time," James remembered.
"That's because you're so handsome," she answered cheerily, causing him to blush.
"Mu-um!"
"You are." She glanced at the open letter on the desk and smiled. "From Lily?"
In the long hours since arriving home, the subject of Lily came up between them several times. It was amazing how accepting his mother was of Lily's lineage. 'Love knows no blood status,' his mother had said that night. 'If your heart feels it, there's nothing in the world, blood-status most of all, that can change its mind.'
She was wise, his mother, and it was a shame that this late in her life he should appreciate her for what she was: a strong, smart, independent and fair-minded woman.
"Yeah. But she has to leave for her sister's wedding on Friday, so I won't get to see her until she gets back," James said to the floor.
"Do you love her, Jimmy-Jam?"
He looked up, his eyes wide, but not from her use of his baby name.
"I…I think I do, Mum."
"Then I'd like to meet her. Invite her over during the Christmas holiday. I have to meet the young lady who's captured the heart of my only son," she said, smiling at him again. "Well, I have to go to the hospital to discuss the donation. Would you like to join me?"
She rose from her chair, a little stiffly, but she was still remarkably agile for a ninety-two-year-old woman.
"Sure." He stood and kissed the top of her head, which came to just underneath his chin. "And Mum?"
"Yes, dear?"
"I love you."
Part Five--Christmas
Rating: R
Summary: How exactly did James and Lily get together in their seventh year?
Words: 8,760
Betas: queenb23more
Part Three--The Hogwarts Express
Changing Perceptions
A James and Lily Fan-Fiction
Having Lily Evans for a girlfriend was only slightly different than not having her as a girlfriend. She still studied entirely too much for any one person and she spent her free time admonishing anyone for having a little bit of fun, himself included. However, James did notice that since they "officially yet unofficially" started dating, she'd taken to wearing a bit of make-up on a daily basis, not too much thank you very much, and even smiled much more than she had in previous years. He liked to think he was the one who put that smile on her face; actually, she smiled quite a bit after their marathon snogging sessions in empty classrooms, secluded broom cupboards, or even in his dorm room.
She frustrated him like no other witch, yet excited him all the more. She was the one who always kept control, never letting things go too far or too fast. But when she did let him do something new, Merlin, it was bloody brilliant! Only a few days before, as they lay entwined on the grass under the beech tree, James inched his hand along the smooth skin of her thigh until it crossed the border of her skirt hem. He paused, broke their kiss and looked up at her, expecting Lily to grab his hand and pull it away, but what she did nearly made him come in his trousers. She did, in fact, take his hand, and instead of deterring it from its goal, she placed it on her scandalously thin knickers, where the heat and wetness of her arousal were unmistakable.
"Damn," he'd whispered in her ear before plunging his tongue inside the shell of her ear while his hand massaged her over her knickers. She squirmed beneath him, urging him on until she could bear it no longer and told him to put a finger inside her, which he did with enthusiasm, quickly bringing her over the edge and quieting her scream of pleasure with his mouth.
He smiled as he remembered the flutter of her body around his fingers, making his crotch grow tighter. He couldn't wait to see her again.
But it wasn't just the physical aspects that he adored about being with her. She challenged him, made him think, gave him new insights to things he never would have thought of.
"So why should I care about the bloody Americans? I mean, they're clear across the world," he pointed out one afternoon while she read to him from the London Times.
"Because, James," she began, her voice bearing the know-it-all tone that always turned him on, "the Americans and Soviets have enough nuclear missiles to blow up the world ten times. That's why you should care."
"That would never happen. Wizards wouldn't allow it."
She huffed and sent some of her hair flying. "Wizards can cause just as much destruction as Muggles. And hello, didn't you hear me tell you that Khrushchev was a wizard? He pushed Kennedy toward nuclear war in '62. I thought you paid attention in Muggle Studies."
He merely winked at her and gave her a crooked grin.
"Now I know who to ask when I have questions about the exam." He took her face in his hands and kissed her swiftly, yet deeply, making sure that no one saw him. Her blush was a great reward.
"OI, POTTER!"
James shook his head and focused on his surroundings. He was at Quidditch practice and a Bludger was heading straight for him.
"Fuck!" he swore and sent his broom flying to the left, barely missing the heavy ball. A whistle from the captain signalled for the team to land.
He touched down and easily swung his legs off the broom, propping it on his shoulder as he walked to join the rest of the team. The scowls from his teammates indicated that this would not be a pleasant discussion.
"What the bloody hell is up yer arse, Potter?" shouted Ian O'Ryan, captain of the Gryffindor team, and a right pillock in James' opinion. "Ye've been off in the land o' nod all practice."
"Shove off, Ian," James retorted. "I've got a lot on my mind."
"Think he just needs to let someone suck him off," added Steven Wyndham haughtily. "And since Evans won't do him-"
James cut him off with a swift right hook, landing squarely on Steven's jaw. Shrieks from the girls and encouragement from the males on the team were all too soon interrupted by a harsh voice from behind them.
"What is the meaning of this?" screeched Professor McGonagall, her lips pursed tightly and her robes flapping behind her.
"Pudder hibbee," sputtered Wyndham as blood spilled down his jaw from the cut on his lips.
"Potter?" She tuned swiftly in James' direction and he felt about a meter tall.
"Sorry," he muttered softly, hoping that would be all that was required of him.
"Pardon me, Mr. Potter? I don't think I heard your explanation, now did I?" McGonagall spat back at him. "As Head Boy, I'd expect better from you. Perhaps suspension from the match is in order?"
Groans and swearing followed her words and James' jaw clenched in irritation.
"He insulted Lily!" he blurted out, chest puffed up, ready to take on the tosser should he dare say anything more.
"Well, I hardly believe violence was the proper resolution to this. Twenty points from Gryffindor and a detention for you tomorrow night, Potter." McGonagall turned her attention to Wyndham and quickly fixed his lip, then looked at the entire team. "Potter will not be suspended and please don't make me regret wagering Professor Slughorn fifteen Sickles on the match."
The group of teenagers watched her return to the castle and once she was out of earshot, sniggers became giggles, giggles became laughter, and laughter gave way to guffaws. James and Steven eyed each other cautiously, neither of them laughing.
"I oughta bench ye fer that, Potter," Ian stated, "but I think McGonagall'd blow a gasket if I cost her money."
"You've got detention tomorrow?" screamed Sirius when James told him of his detention with McGonagall the next night. "It's full moon! You've never missed a full moon since fifth-year!" His voice bounced around the walls of the Gryffindor Common Room, causing them both to look anxiously around, not wanting others to cotton onto what Sirius was referring to.
"Yeah, I do! And I'd gladly take a hundred detentions for what that bastard-" he pointed at Steven Wyndham-"said about her!" James stared at the younger boy, who silently made his way to the boys' staircase and continued up it until he was out of sight.
"James, what's up with you and Lily anyways?" asked Peter, rifling through his Charms text. "You seem, I don't know, cosy lately."
James' ire quickly faded at the mention of her name and he leaned over to Peter.
"None of your business," he hissed quietly. It was very difficult to keep it from his friends that he was seeing Lily; they had few secrets between them and trusted each other implicitly.
"Oh come on," Peter whined, closing his book hard. "Since when have you been so secretive?"
He looked to Remus and Sirius for answers, but both of them quickly turned away, burying their noses in their respective books.
"Why aren't you telling me anything?" he shouted, drawing attention from the others in the room.
James took a deep breath and looked at each of his friends: Sirius, looking smug and barely containing a giggle, Remus, appearing to be nonchalant and not doing a very good job of it, and Peter, appearing irate and frustrated.
"First off, Wormtail, you were an arse this summer, what with your attitude and all. And second, why do I have to tell you everything? I don't see you telling me what you were up to, hanging around with Yaxley, the big oaf," James spat.
Peter had begun spending time with Barney Yaxley at the end of the previous school year, causing a bit of a rift between the four Marauders. Yaxley swam in the same circles as Snape, Carrow, and the rest of the Slytherin crowd, who made it no secret that they fancied the mania spewed by You-Know-Who.
Peter's chair began to shake as his temper flared and Sirius placed a calming hand on his right shoulder.
"Hey, easy there, Wormy. Prongs is just frustrated, in the sexual way. Has been for years," Sirius teased, trying to lighten the mood. "What's the matter with you, Pete? You finally get pubes?"
"Fuck off, Padfoot!" Peter shrugged the hand off his shoulder and noisily gathered his things and stormed up the stairs.
"Yep," piped Sirius, "he got pubes."
Remus' head flew back as he let loose a loud and thunderous laugh which was followed by Sirius' own barking guffaw. James merely rolled his eyes at his friends and placed his books in his bag.
"Grow up, would you?" he huffed. "Come on, it's late anyhow. And we have Potions first thing."
"Yeah, I need to get some sleep, seeing as I'll be indisposed tomorrow evening," Remus stated, his face wearing a worried expression.
"Oh, Moony. Your furry little problem got you all itchy?" teased Sirius, making James' anger lessen a bit. "Did you forget the flea powder again?" The three of them laughed together, the previous tension forgotten.
James looked at his two best friends and thought of Lily. He wanted to be completely honest with her and there were really only two things that she needed to know: Remus was a werewolf and the rest of the Marauders were Animagi. Taking a deep breath, he stopped his friends' movement towards the stairs.
"Hey, uh, can I tell you two something?"
Remus paused in his task of packing his bag. "What is it?" he asked quietly.
"I want to tell her," James said, the knots in his stomach beginning to twist and turn uncomfortably.
"Tell who what?" Sirius asked, his eyebrows raised in curiosity.
James sighed and cocked his head to the side, hoping they would understand. When neither of them answered, James admitted, "Lily. I want to tell her about…about us."
"Ah, Prongs, she's not gonna like hearing that we're together," Sirius quipped, ruffling James' hair, which James promptly slapped away.
"Sirius…come on, leave him alone," Remus chastised. "James, if we told her, then we'd have to tell her about me." James had never seen his friend look so worried.
"Moony, this is Lily we're talking about. We can trust her," James urged. "I want to be honest with her."
"Can we? She is, after all, an old friend of Snivellus'. What if she runs off to him and spills it all?" Sirius added, his voice full of irritation.
James was gobsmacked.
"Padfoot! They haven't been friends for a long time, and you know it!" James shouted, unable to hold in his reaction. "She's one of the most honest people I know…that we all know. If you can't trust her, who can you trust?"
His eyes went from Remus to Sirius and back again, silently pleading for them to agree with him.
"And…and why, exactly, do you all of a sudden want to be completely honest with our Head Girl? Hmm?" Sirius cocked his head to the side; it was difficult to tell whether he was still pissed off or was toying with him.
With a heavy sigh, James sat down on the chair he'd vacated earlier and tried to organise his thoughts. He really wanted to tell them he and Lily were seeing each other. He hated having to keep that from his two best friends; the three of them hid nothing from each other. While Peter was their friend as well, his behaviour and his new 'friends' made James' trust waver over the last few months. James also knew that if he and Lily were to have any kind of relationship beyond school, he had to be completely honest with her, and that meant sharing his secret and, ultimately, Remus' as well.
"We...Lily and I…we're dating," he finally admitted, a goofy grin spreading his face giddily.
"Pay up, Padfoot," Remus said cheekily. "Come on, ten Knuts."
"What?" James asked. "You knew?"
Sirius leaned over and hit James on the forehead.
"He's dumber than we thought, Moony. Of course, we knew, you twat," Sirius teased. "We only bet on when you'd finally tell us. I bet you'd wait until after the Quidditch match against Slytherin, Wormtail bet that you'd cave by Christmas, and Moony, here, knew you'd fold before the end of September." He dug inside a pocket it his bag, retrieving some coins and tossing them to Remus.
"You had absolutely no faith in me, Moony? Thought you knew me better than that," James said as he watched the bronze Knuts fly through the air and land in Remus' hand.
"Nope, none at all. And speaking of the fair Ms Evans, I do believe it's time for us to take our leave, Padfoot," Remus said, turning to the portrait hole, which revealed a weary-looking Lily.
James didn't watch his friends ascend the stairs; he only had eyes for her. A quick look around the common room told him they were alone.
"Tough night on rounds?" he asked, taking her bag off her shoulder and leading her over to the sofa near the dying fire.
Lily smiled at him and settled in next to him, wrapping an arm around his chest as he leaned back into the corner of the sofa. He began absently stroking her hair as she closed her eyes.
"Damn Slytherins," she muttered in the middle of a yawn. "A group of 'em had a little party right outside the kitchens. House-elves were stupid enough to give them Butterbeer and mead. Got drunk right there in the corridor."
James had a difficult time restraining his laughter. If it had been him, he'd have used the Map and found a more suitable place for the party.
"How old were they?" he managed to get out.
"Are you laughing?" She sat up and look at him with wild eyes and began to huff as she breathed, which only made him stare at her chest. "Hello, James? Up here! Look at me, not my tits!"
Lily lifted his chin and James gathered his composure. Her eyes, while staring at him angrily, were also full of mischief, a wonderful combination in his opinion.
"Never, m'dear," he said smoothly, leaning into her and kissing her lightly. He could feel her smile under his lips and he pulled her closer, running a hand down her back.
Lily opened her mouth, inviting his tongue into her mouth, and she sighed as it raked across hers. She held his head in her hands, deepening the kiss even more, and slid into his lap. He felt his jeans tighten, making him groan and shift his hips as they kissed, moving her away from his crotch. This was not the time.
She pulled away and pressed feather-light kisses along his neck, taking some of his skin inside her mouth and sucking on it eagerly. There would be a mark, he knew that much, but he didn't care. He'd wear it with pride.
For what seemed like hours, they continued to exchange kisses and caresses until it became quite clear that things were progressing at a dangerous pace. One of them had to stop before something happened. James opened his eyes, finally taking in his surroundings.
Lily lay on her back, underneath him, her school robes in a pile on the floor, along with her Gryffindor tie, her shoes, and sweater vest. Her shirt was unbuttoned, revealing her white bra. He couldn’t help himself and began mouthing the flesh above the cup, earning him a groan of pleasure from deep within her throat and a squeeze in his groin.
He reluctantly pulled away from her, taking in his own state of undress. The t-shirt he wore had long ago joined her robes on the floor and the zipper and button of his jeans were open, revealing his red boxer shorts and an over-eager cock.
"James…" Lily purred. "What's wrong?" She sat up and straightened her shirt, buttoning two of the buttons in the wrong buttonholes.
"No-nothing. We just…can't. Not…now," he stammered, sighing heavily as he fell back against the cushions on the opposite side of the sofa.
"But…" Lily sat up and scooted next to him, the scent of her arousal drifting up to his nostrils, muddling his thinking. "But I've done it before." She sounded as if she were pleading with him to take it further.
That was unexpected, he thought. Then he had a terrible thought: Did she do it with Remus?
"It…it wasn't Remus, if that's what you're thinking," she said, her voice not holding any hint of irritation. "It was another boyfriend…a Muggle."
Somehow, that revelation was not as comforting as he was sure she had intended it to be.
"Really?" he asked in a high voice that embarrassed him.
Lily looked at him, head cocked to the side, and climbed up in his lap again, making him close his eyes to the sight of her tousled hair and kiss-swollen lips which were threatening to make him shove aside any thought of reigning in their passion. He took a deep breath and pulled her down against his chest, careful not to rub her enticing bum against his erection.
"Well, we only did it twice," she admitted, "and it wasn't very good." She pulled a face: half smile and half grimace.
"I'm sorry," he said softly, kissing her cheek. "He was an idiot."
James shook his head, silently berating the nameless boy who was selfish and had left her obviously wanting more.
"How'd you know?" She tried to smile but it was obvious that there was pain in her voice.
Placing a hand on her cheek, James met her gaze and gathered his thoughts. "Lily," he began, "there's nothing worse than a bloke being selfish."
She bit her lip and sighed.
"Who…who were you-"
"Doesn't matter," he interrupted. "Not important."
"How many?" she asked, looking away from him.
"Lily, it's not important," he repeated, turning her face back toward him.
"Do I sleep in the same room with any of them? Merlin knows you've got the reputation for it!"
James winced at the tone of her voice.
"That's Sirius…not me," he pointed out. "Only two, if you really must know. And no…no one in your room." He felt like an ass having this conversation, but it was bound to come up sooner or later.
She stared at him, her mouth open, as if she didn't believe a word that came out of his mouth.
"Only…only two?" Lily was never flustered and seeing her act like this was a completely new experience for him.
"Yeah."
"And…and did you love either of them?" Her voice began to crack and his heart ached as he saw the tears beginning to form in her eyes.
He shook his head in answer to her question. "The first one…she was…she was older. Taught me a lot." He smiled fondly at the memory of his time with her the summer between his fourth and fifth years. He waited for Lily to say something, but when she remained silent, he continued, "The other girl…she and I, well, it was just a few times and we stopped after a few weeks. She did it to get her boyfriend mad."
Her eyes widened and he knew she had puzzled it out. Remus was right; she did know who he dated and when.
"Nar-"
"Doesn't matter," he interrupted again, placing a finger on her lips to silence her protests. "Lily, none of it matters anymore. She used me and I felt like shit afterwards. I'm here with you and I'm not going to jump into bed with you just to get a leg over. I want it to mean more than that with you."
Lily smiled weakly and ran the back of her hand over her eyes, taking the stray tears along with it.
"Sorry," she sniffed. "It's just…it's just…overwhelming. I always thought you were…a playboy."
He hugged her tightly and kissed the top of her head.
"Yes, I dated a lot of girls, and yes, I talked about them in an un-gentlemanly way." He released her and looked her in the eye. "But let me tell you this, Lily Evans. I know more about you than any of those other girls and I never made the effort with any of them. When I wrote to you, I wanted to get to know you…the real you, not my fantasy of you. And now that I do, I don't want to do anything that will make you run. I care too much about you to let that happen. I want this…us to work. I've never wanted anything more."
“So you’re not going to tell us anything, are you?” asked Mary from the other side of the table. “I mean, come on, Lily. You never got all that upset the other times he got hurt during a Quidditch match.”
“Yeah,” chimed in Pamela. “What’s so special about James Potter now?”
Lily sighed at the memory of the Quidditch match yesterday.
A roar went up from the crowd as Gryffindor scored another goal, leading Slytherin 110-90. She beamed as James flew by on his broom, waving to her in victory, the brief gesture making her blush. Ever since her first year at Hogwarts, she loved Quidditch. The thrill of it was something of a combination between football and rugby. But watching it now, with James on the team and as her boyfriend, it was all the more exciting.
Play began once again and the players streaked across the crisp autumn air above the pitch. Slytherin was on the offensive, racing toward the hoops in a tight formation. James and the other Chasers sped towards them in an aerial game of chicken.
Lily knew what was going to happen once she saw the Bludger head towards him. James was intent on his target, matching them move for move, intent in his tunnel-vision. The heavy ball sped toward him at break neck speed and clipped him on the shoulder with a crack that could be heard all the way down to the stadium. She cringed at the unmistakable sound and watched helplessly as he began to tumble to the ground.
“James!” she screeched as angry and terrified tears began to flow down her cheeks. She withdrew her want to slow his descent, but Professor Smythe, the referee of the match, was quicker on the draw, allowing James to land softly on the grass below.
Without thinking, without caring who saw her, Lily leapt over the students in front of her and scrambled down the flights of stairs and onto the pitch. Tears blinded her as she ran to the group of players surrounding James. Professor Smythe shouted for Madam Pomfrey, the new matron, and barked reprimands to those crowding around James. She was a few steps from him when she was caught up by a pair of arms.
“He’ll be fine, Lily.”
She looked up to see Sirius comforting her.
“He’s had worse. You know that,” he cooed, settling her nerves somewhat.
“I…I just…it’s he’s…” she stammered. “He’s Head Boy.” Lying about her relationship with James was getting harder and harder these days.
Sirius lifted her chin and smirked at her.
“We know. James told us the other day,” he admitted. “Blighter can’t keep a secret to save his skin.”
“Oh,” was all she managed before she saw James being levitated by on a stretcher, accompanied by Madam Pomfrey and Professor McGonagall. “James! Are you all right?” she asked him with her voice full of panic.
“Hey…you,” he said in a dreamy voice, his hand reaching out toward her.
“He’s been given a strong potion for the pain,” explained Madam Pomfrey.” I doubt he even knows who he is right now. Please, step aside.”
All Lily could do was watch as James floated by with the nurse and the professor, most likely heading toward the castle.
“We’ll keep you posted,” came a soft, reassuring voice. It was Remus. “You’re a Marauder now. Family. And family sticks together.” He put an arm around her and led her in the direction of the castle.
“Too right,” chimed in Peter, who was trailing a few steps behind. “He’s tough. He’ll be out of there in no time.”
She knew it was true, but part of her couldn’t help be unconvinced until she could touch and see him for herself.
“Hello…you in there, Lily?” asked Pamela as she waved a hand in front of Lily’s face.
“Uh…what?” she answered, feeling slightly embarrassed and warmth rising up her neck.
“Not going to answer the questions, eh?” teased Mary, barely able to contain her laughter.
“Wha-what questions?”
She definitely knew what her friends were asking of her, but she wanted them to say it. Until then, she’d ignore it.
“You. Potter. Kissing. I know what I saw, my friend,” stated Mary, inching her chair closer to Lily’s. “In the common room. After your rounds. I came downstairs to look for you and you were sprawled out under him with your blouse unbuttoned.”
Shit, she thought.
There was no hiding it now.
“Confess, Lily,” urged Pamela. “You’re a terrible liar. You’re dating James.”
“Shh! Not so loud!” she hissed, looking around at the tables of students whom she was sure were listening in to her conversation. “Fine. We are. Since the start of term. Now can we please get back to studying? I want to pass this exam,” she answered with a huff, turning back to her Potions book.
“Lily, you could pass that test in your sleep.” Pamela pulled the book away and shut it with a thump. “You lied to us…your best friends.”
“Oh come on, Pam. I didn’t exactly lie to you. I just…didn’t tell you.”
“A lie of omission is the same as a lie of commission,” Mary said offhandedly, earning her a wad of paper tossed onto her head.
Lily was just about to say something but caught sight of Remus walking into the library, looking around and walking towards her.
"Er…excuse me, ladies, but I think Remus wants to talk to me," Lily said, causing her friends to turn toward him standing at the end of the row of stacks.
"Yeah, okay. I'll take your books back for you, okay? He looks entirely too serious for him," said Pamela, who began gathering Lily's things.
"Thanks," Lily answered and stood up from her chair and walked over to Remus, who placed a hand on her shoulder and led her toward the back of the library and into a broom cupboard.
Remus whispered, "Lumos maxima," and a light at the end of his wand lit the small room.
"What's going on? Is something wrong?" Lily asked anxiously. She found a pile of boxes and sat down. "Why'd you bring me in here?"
"Because I don't want anyone else to hear this," he answered softly, sitting down on the floor in front of her, his legs crossed lotus-style. "James wanted me to talk to you. No, no, no…he's fine," he said when she started to say something. "He, well, all of us…James, Sirius, Peter and I…wanted me to tell you something. Now, I have to know that you won't tell a soul about what I'm going to tell you."
"Of course, Remus. You know me better than that," she answered seriously. Remus' tone was a bit worrisome, especially since they'd spent so much time together in the past three years. "What is it?" Instinctively, she took hold of his hands.
"You know I'm not…well."
Lily nodded.
"And you've heard some theories as to why…"
Something in the way that he looked at her sent alarm bells off inside her head but she still said nothing.
"I want you to know that Severus is right. I'm…I'm a-"
"Werewolf?" she gasped, clasping her hands to her face in shock and falling off the box.
"Lily…Lily, calm down," Remus said soothingly. "Let me tell you what happened."
She couldn't speak. She knew it was irrational to be frightened; this was Remus, after all. He was one of the kindest, sweetest, gentlest people she knew.
"I was five years old."
An image of a much younger Remus, attacked by a foaming-at-the-mouth werewolf sickened her.
"He was angry with my father and on a chance meeting one moonlit night…Well, you can fill in the blanks," he said, almost glibly.
"But…but what do you do? You have to…to…" she stammered.
"Transform. You can say it aloud, you know." He paused and took a deep breath. "Dumbledore made…arrangements for me. I go to the Shrieking Shack and the Whomping Willow blocks the tunnel I take there." Remus watched her closely, gauging her reaction. "James and them…they found out second year."
"They did?" She was shocked, yet again. She could still hear Severus' rants over Remus' illness, the timing and such echoing in her ears. Never in a million years did she think it was true. "And Severus?"
"He just figured it out. He's a smart one," Remus mentioned with a slight chuckle. "James saved him from me."
"That's what that was all about? Damn, he should be kissing James' feet for that!"
Lily sprung off the floor and began pacing, rambling about Severus' stubbornness and idiocy about James and his friends.
"Well, he doesn't see it that way," he answered.
Lily was about to say something when the door opened, revealing James, Sirius and Peter.
"Ready for us, Moony?" asked James.
Suddenly, that nickname made complete sense.
Remus nodded and the other three joined them in the cupboard, squeezing into the small space.
"No use being crowded," said Sirius, waving his wand, enlarging the room and conjuring four soft armchairs. "Prongs, be a good boyfriend and set her on your lap."
Lily felt her cheeks burn and then found herself being grabbed from behind and tumbling onto James' lap. He kissed her cheek quickly and scooted over to share the chair with her.
"What's going on?" she whispered to James, feeling very cosy wrapped up there in his arms.
"There…there's more, Lil," James said softly, nodding at Sirius. Lily turned her attention to Sirius, confusion muddling her thinking.
"He told you that we found out in second-year that he was…afflicted," Sirius began with a bit of laughter in his voice, which lightened the mood substantially. "Well, we wanted to keep him company, but there was really only one way to do that without getting ourselves killed."
The four of them looked at her pointedly, urging her to think things through. Suddenly, she understood. Prongs…Padfoot…Wormtail…It couldn't be. Could it?
She felt a squeeze around her middle from James and she turned to him.
"Figure it out?" he said with a smirk, which only served to make her want to shoo the other three out and have him to herself in the broom cupboard. "Wormtail, show her."
Peter nervously stood up from his chair and took a deep breath. Right before her eyes, Peter transformed into a rat and scampered up her leg and into her lap.
"Oh…oh…Holy shit!" Her shout reverberated in the small room and frightened Peter, who jumped off her lap and onto the shelves that lined the walls. "Whe-when did you do that?" she exclaimed, her eye wild.
"Calm down, Lil," James reassured her, rubbing her back with his hand. "Sirius here is a big, hairy cur. Go ahead, show her, Padfoot."
Her attention was turned toward Sirius, who had been uncharacteristically quiet since the conversation started. In fact, he held himself in a completely stand-offish way that made her feel uncomfortable.
Sirius smiled and then changed into a large, black dog with, what she swore was, a broad, cheeky grin on his face.
Sirius, or rather Padfoot, walked over to Lily and began sniffing her. Intimately. James pushed his head away and kneeled before him on the floor.
"Keep yer nose off her!" James protested, giving the dog a thump on the ear and eliciting a sharp yelp.
"James, you know he can't help it," pointed out Remus. "I do it all the time."
"Well, I'm not your girlfriend when you do!" Lily answered sharply while James hugged her possessively.
Peter, as the rat, scampered down onto the floor and returned to his human state. "You should see Moony and Padfoot go at it sometime. Nothing funnier than some dog-on-dog action when they're both blokes!" He burst into fits of giggles and fell back to his chair.
It really was funny, and Lily couldn't help but laugh along with Remus, James, and Peter. Sirius, on the other hand, was obviously not amused and growled at the four of them before transforming back to himself.
"Very funny, Wormtail," Sirius said with great irritation, shaking his head to get his hair unmated. "You've sure been dipping into the funny juice lately, Wormy."
Sirius and Peter continued to banter back and forth, exchanging barbs and verbal jabs. Lily was too distracted by James' hands roaming over her arms and his hot breath against her neck. She closed her eyes and her head fell back and to the side, allowing James to kiss her throat. It was as if the rest of the room disappeared and it was just the two of them.
"Uh, you two want us to leave?"
She and James looked up quickly, startled by the intrusion into their private moment. Lily felt her cheeks flush in embarrassment, especially when she felt James readjust her position on her lap to conceal the erection from his friends that had developed a few minutes ago. Peter's face matched her own, she was sure, and, true to character, Sirius was stifling laughter while Remus merely looked away and investigated a spider web in the corner of the room.
"As a matter of fact, yes," James answered, his voice strong and rugged. Lily was turned on immensely.
"Fine, fine," Remus muttered as he changed the broom cupboard back to its original size, yet leaving James' chair in place. "Come on, you two. I think James wants to take advantage of the broom cupboard."
He waggled his eyebrows and led Sirius and Peter out the door, leaving the two of them alone.
"How's your shoulder?" she asked, settling into his side and draping her legs over the side of the chair.
"Fine," he said, his enticing mouth a mere breath away from hers.
"And...what's your Animagus form?" she asked, mentally hitting herself for not taking advantage of his plump, perfect lips so near to her own.
"Stag. Big, brawny twelve-point stag." His voice was a step above a whisper and breathy.
"Your…your Patronus," she answered, swallowing hard.
"Mmm hmm…"
They leaned in simultaneously and their lips met in a frenzied kiss. His hands held her head to him as he devoured her mouth, his tongue diving inside her mouth to meet hers. She eagerly allowed this assault on her mouth and her body. She allowed him to reach under her shirt and tug her bra aside. Her own hands went to work inside his t-shirt to spread across his chest. She moaned as he pinched a nipple and arched into his hands.
"Damn, Lily," he moaned into her mouth. "Want you…so…fucking bad."
"I know." She couldn't help it. There was something about James that made her desires burn brighter and hotter than for any of the other boys she'd dated. It was if he was the exact match for her spirit and nothing could deny the passion between them. Why had she denied him for so long? Why did she delay the sheer and utter pleasure she knew would be hers when she and James finally gave in…
"But…but not here. Not…time yet," he panted as he pulled away from her, making Lily groan. "Don't do that or I'll never get out of here with my pants on." He chuckled and set her onto the chair as he rose up, holding out a hand to her.
She regretfully took his hand and stood up, straightening her clothing.
"You're driving me mad, you know that?" he said smoothly, tucking some of her hair back behind her ear.
"Don't have to. You can do something about that," she reminded him, holding his hand against her cheek. She stared up at him and hoped that he'd read her meaning.
He broke eye contact and turned his head away, swearing and groaning at the same time.
"Let's go before Remus sends out a search party," James said abruptly, turning the know on the door.
The light of the library temporarily blinded her as he led her out and as her eyes readjusted, she felt the loss of his hand. The sound of a throat clearing startled her; it was Narcissa Black.
"Well, well, well, look what we have here," purred the Slytherin bitch. "A Mudblood? James, you can do better than that. And have. Surely you don't forget."
Lily's temper flared and her jaw clenched, making her itch to whip out her wand and hex the blonde witch.
"I think she's a step up, personally. She's not a snow queen like some people," James added with a sneer. "She has feelings."
He put an arm around her shoulder and steered her away from Narcissa, heading toward the door. Once inside the corridor, James pushed her against the wall, placing his mouth very near her ear and neck.
"Don't ever think that she's better than you," he said in a low whisper that made her skin quiver. "She's a manipulative bitch, that one. Be careful around her."
He pulled away and took her hand, leading her back toward Gryffindor Tower, remaining silent the entire way. She chanced a few, quick glances at him, noticing the way his jaw was set, the slight squint to his eyes and the way his glasses sat perfectly centred on the bridge of his nose when they were usually askew. His good mood evaporated upon meeting up with Narcissa in the library; she knew he was embarrassed that she'd figured out about his relationship with her and having to come face to face with it right after a brilliant snog and grope was not something he had counted on.
Lily stopped, causing him to fall back a bit, turning to her sharply.
"What?" he said, the irritation oozing off him like molasses.
"I…I'm not mad, if that's what you want to know," she said feebly. "You had a life before me."
He stood, dumbstruck, in front of her with his mouth gaping open and his eyes wide in astonishment.
"I don't want to talk about it, okay? It was a mistake and I'm not proud of it. Just pretend it never happened," he barked. "I do."
She rolled her eyes at him, which only served to irritate him further.
"Fine. I don't care who the bloody hell you fucked!" She threw up her arms in exasperation. "Oh, and while we're angry with each other, what was up Sirius' arse tonight? Couldn't say much to me in there, could he?"
That was stupid to bring up, she knew that much, but his mood had rubbed off on her and she couldn't help herself.
"You really wanna know? Well-"
"James!" came a shout from down the corridor, along with the sound of shoes hitting the stone floor in a rhythmic run. It was Sirius. "Ja-James…important…" He bent over and placed his hands on his thighs, panting in exertion. "Just came for you." He reached inside his back pocket and handed James an envelope.
"What is it?" He flipped it over and examined the red wax seal on the back. His face immediately fell.
"Wilbie…Wilbie brought it," Sirius answered, his breathing calmer, yet his lower lip began to quiver.
"Wil-Wilbie?"
Lily looked at James and then at Sirius. If she wasn't mistaken, both of them were starting to tear up.
"James?" she whispered to him.
He turned away, ripping into the letter as he took four steps away. She looked to Sirius, but his face was unreadable. She was just about to say something when she heard James howl and then saw him drop to the floor, the letter tossed aside. Sirius ran to him and the two of them huddled there on the floor, their cries sending shivers up and down her spine. Taking a few steps forward, she picked up the discarded letter, not wanting to read it, but knowing that whatever it was in that letter meant a great deal to James.
James---
Please come home.
Your daddy's dead.
Mummy
James sat at his father's desk, alone in the dark, He'd closed the curtains to block out the sunshine of the warm and bright autumn day. It was as if the world was laughing at his misery and grief.
He hadn't expected to feel this way. His father's prejudices, which so recently annoyed him, had convinced James that he wouldn't grieve when his father died. When the reality of it hit him, he was overwhelmed. Reading his mother's note shook him to the core and cry9ing with Sirius' arms around him soothed him greatly. He felt no shame in crying like a baby; it was his father, after all, his childhood hero, his da-da, the man who bought him sweets at Quidditch matches and who spoke to him with such love. That was the father he missed.
Sirius had gone home with him, which brought a rare smile to his mother's face. There were times in the past year or so when James felt she liked him better. But after thinking about it, realised she doted on him to make up for the family who'd abandoned him.
Remus and Peter showed up for the funeral, which made James feel much better, his grievance with Peter left behind at Hogwarts. The four of them had sat together in this room for hours the night after the funeral while James' mother was tucked in safely for the night in her bed. They drank Firewhisky and drowned their sorrows while they remembered times with Cornelius Potter, before he became a crotchety, bigoted old man. But it was a conversation about Lily that stood out the most in his mind.
"She could still tell Snivellus, you know," Sirius commented as he lay sprawled out on the floor.
"And what if he tells someone else?" Peter asked, sharing some of Sirius' doubts. "Just because we trust Lily, doesn't mean that she deserves that trust." He took another swig of his drink, wincing as it ran down his throat.
"That's low, Wormtail!" James spat back, ready to hex him.
"She won't," was Remus' calm answer. "And he won't, either."
"How do you know?" asked Sirius, asking the question before James could.
A smug look came over Remus' face; he knew something.
"Remus…Remus, what happened?" James asked anxiously. "Not that I object to anyone messing with the greasy git, but come on. How can you be so sure?"
Remus sat up and cleared his throat while motioning for his friends to gather round him.
"Lily and I had rounds the other night-the night after you two left," he said, nodding at James and Sirius. "Severus was on for Slytherin and we met up on the third floor. Well, you know Severus…he took the opportunity to sneer and put the both of us down. Lily'd had enough and got angry at him."
"Good for her," James commented, picturing his wild red head in the heat of battle. Now there was a turn-on.
"Lily took me and Severus aside-"
"Wait! He does rounds with Narcissa! She knows, too?" James leapt to the floor. He couldn't imagine the scene at school when the bitch revealed all their secrets.
"Just listen to me!" Remus pulled James back down onto the floor. "Narcissa was…taken care of. Lily confounded her and put a sleeping charm on her."
The four of them laughed and James felt a great sense of relief wash over him.
"She asked for Severus to come beside us and grabbed his hand. She turned to me and asked me for help. She did an Unbreakable Vow."
"WHAT???" James, Peter and Sirius shouted.
"She made him vow to never reveal my secret or tell anyone about you three. She added a nice twist, too," he explained. "The spell will still be in effect even if something happens to her." Remus smiled proudly and finished his glass of whisky.
James was shocked. Why would Lily do that, and more importantly, why would Snape agree to something like that? She must have promised him something he wanted badly; his head spun at the possibilities.
"What'd he get out of it? Snape's a git but he's not stupid," James pointed out, causing Sirius and Peter to nod in agreement.
Remus slowly rose up from the floor and crossed the room to calmly refill his glass. Without turning around, he said, "Severus will never have rounds with you, James. Lily will be his new Potions partner. He insisted on the last one."
"That's it?" Sirius asked incredulously. "Potions and staying away from James? Come on. There's more to it than that."
"Why should there be?" Peter added. "Right now, Snape's focused on becoming a Potions master, and pairing up with Lily will help him achieve that. Not having to worry about spending time with James merely helps lower his stress level. Makes perfect sense to me, actually."
James and Sirius stared at Peter. Perhaps spending time with the Slytherins gave him insight as to how their minds worked. Interesting.
"Exactly," agreed Remus. "He knows that this year is a huge stepping stone toward the life he wants. The great things he longs for."
James' head was swimming with the news of what Lily had done, but there was still something that bothered him.
"Why?" he blurted out. "Why would Lily do something like that for me? For my friends?"
Remus crossed the room and kneeled in front of James. "There was another part of the Vow."
James swallowed. "What?"
"She said, 'If you care about me at all, as a friend or otherwise, you must never interfere with my relationship with James. You must allow me to love whom I choose.' Severus hated that, but he agreed. He wants her to be happy, even it's not with him. Part of him, at least, is honourable."
The room was silent after that revelation. James couldn't get over the fact that she'd gone to such great lengths for him and his friends. She was amazing, his Lily. The bravery of a Gryffindor, the smarts of a Ravenclaw, and the loyalty known to Hufflepuffs were all mixed in with the ambition of a Slytherin.
James was startled out of his thoughts by the opening of the door and the sound of someone clearing their throat. It was Wilbie.
"Master James," she said, bowing low. "Wilbie has a letter for Master James." She placed the envelope on the mahogany desk in front of him before slowly backing out of the room. He glanced at the writing and smiled. It was from Lily.
Dear James-
I wish I could have gone to the funeral but since the Head Boy was gone, I had double duties.
I'm so sorry about your father. I hear he was a generous man and I know he loved you, despite the things he said this summer.
There's nothing I can really say right now to make you feel better, but I want you to know that I'll be here when you get back. Sirius said you were staying at home for a few more days to help your mum get things settled. Please don't stay away too long. I miss you terribly. But what's really cruel, is that on Friday, I have to leave for my sister's ugly wedding.
Remus told me that you know about the Vow I made with Sev. He can be irrational and quick-tempered and I knew I couldn't risk your safety or that of your friends, knowing that I was perhaps the only one who can control him. He'll leave you--and us-alone. Please don't be angry over what I did. It was the only way to ensure things don't go horribly wrong.
Also, I never apologised about bringing up Narcissa that night when we left the library. You're entitled to share things in your own time. I just wanted you to know that.
All my love,
Lily
Love.
That's what was bothering him. He'd known the love of his parents, his extended family and his friends. But love, real love, the kind of love that makes people write love songs and poems, has thus far eluded him, Until now.
After being with her every day, and then here at home without her, James was very nearly sure that he was in love with Lily Evans. He missed her eyes and the sheer honesty within them; he missed the way her face lit up when she was happy; he missed the way she stuck out the tip of her tongue out of her lips when she was concentrating; he missed her fiery, red hair that showed her unyielding spirit and represented her temper. Yes, he missed kissing her (Merlin, he loved kissing her) but that paled in comparison to how he felt about her. Just her.
It was funny, really, that once he began dating her and was free to kiss her whenever he wanted, that it was the ordinary, quiet moments that he missed the most: reading under the beech tree where he'd carved their initials, sitting at a table in the librry working on homework, snuggled together before the dying fire in the common room fireplace. Just being with her made his life better.
That was settled then. He was in love.
"James?" came his mother's voice from the door.
"Hey, Mum," he said, retrieving his wand and parting the curtains.
"I'm going to miss you so when you leave Thursday morning," she said sorrowfully. "It's going to be so lonely here without your dad." She sat next to him and patted his hand.
"Oh, Mum. I could stay a few more days-"
"No! I won't hear of it! You've your studies to think about, dear," she reassured him with a trembling lip. "Margaret Bones is coming to spend a few days with me. She's bringing her granddaughter, Amelia, along." She smiled for the first time in days.
"How old is she now? She used to follow me around all the time," James remembered.
"That's because you're so handsome," she answered cheerily, causing him to blush.
"Mu-um!"
"You are." She glanced at the open letter on the desk and smiled. "From Lily?"
In the long hours since arriving home, the subject of Lily came up between them several times. It was amazing how accepting his mother was of Lily's lineage. 'Love knows no blood status,' his mother had said that night. 'If your heart feels it, there's nothing in the world, blood-status most of all, that can change its mind.'
She was wise, his mother, and it was a shame that this late in her life he should appreciate her for what she was: a strong, smart, independent and fair-minded woman.
"Yeah. But she has to leave for her sister's wedding on Friday, so I won't get to see her until she gets back," James said to the floor.
"Do you love her, Jimmy-Jam?"
He looked up, his eyes wide, but not from her use of his baby name.
"I…I think I do, Mum."
"Then I'd like to meet her. Invite her over during the Christmas holiday. I have to meet the young lady who's captured the heart of my only son," she said, smiling at him again. "Well, I have to go to the hospital to discuss the donation. Would you like to join me?"
She rose from her chair, a little stiffly, but she was still remarkably agile for a ninety-two-year-old woman.
"Sure." He stood and kissed the top of her head, which came to just underneath his chin. "And Mum?"
"Yes, dear?"
"I love you."
Part Five--Christmas