It Had To Be You 2b
Previous part
When Misha comes up to him the next day asking if Jared wants to go to his party that night, Jared doesn’t even hesitate in saying yes. It scares him, but the hurt and all the other shit swirling around in his fucked up head scare him too so he doesn’t pay any attention to the sick twist growing in his stomach. Jared almost feels like he should tell Chad, or Sandy, or somebody where he’s going but when he unlocks his phone and stares at the keypad there’s the part of him that doesn’t want them to know, doesn’t want them to ruin his fun. Jared tosses his phone onto the passenger seat and pulls out of the parking lot.
At Misha’s place you can hear the music before you even get to the sidewalk. It looks like a stereotypical college party you might see on TV, beer bottles littering the lawn and crowds of giggling drunk girls and cocky drunk guys in every corner. When Jared steps inside he’s surprised at how many people are crammed in there, the apartment isn’t that big really and Jared has a passing thought of fire hazards before he’s being bustled along the crowd toward the corner packed with coolers, kegs, shots, limes, long bottles of cheap wine and tequila, the whole shebang.
It doesn’t take long for Jared to get a good buzz going, half the people here remember him from the last party and they keep the drinks coming, trying to see how much he can hold this time. At one point, when he was getting handed another shot, it occurred to him that he should probably go home now before he gets too drunk to drive -don’t drink and drive and all that- but then he downs the shot and doesn’t even remember what he was thinking about in the first place.
Jared only stops after the umpteenth shot they hand him, the world already spinning and twirling like a ballerina. After that he doesn’t remember much about what happens, he travels from person to person getting felt up, moved from around like a doll without a home, and for once he doesn’t care. For once he can forget about Jensen and have some fun like a real college kid should.
Jared doesn’t remember how it happens, isn’t quite sure how he migrated from one side of the party to the other, but he ends up in the lap of some guy he vaguely remembers seeing one time on his way to one of his classes. Of course after the guy gets his hands up his shirt Jared doesn’t really care about where he’s seen him before. It’s not something he’s very proud of to say in the least, but at the time it seemed like a brilliant idea that had no faults. He let the guy take him into a bedroom Jared didn’t recognize, let the guy push him down on his knees and use him. Jared isn’t too sharp on what exactly happened other than that afterwards other than that his lips were red and puffy and his ass hurt like a motherfucker, so it really wasn’t hard to put two and two together--there was also the fact that the guy threw him out like yesterday’s paper after he was done.
Jared had stumbled his way back to Misha’s where the party was already dwindling down to a few stragglers trying to drink their way to oblivion. Jared wanted to join them but he was too busy looking for Misha to give in to the temptation. Jared ends up puking all over the kitchen floor and passing out somewhere near the couch before he can do either.
It becomes a regular thing after that, despite how crappy and used Jared felt when he’d waken up the next day. Waking up in strange places and sneaking into his dorm in the early hours of the morning became his life those two weeks. Jared ignored phone calls from Sophia and Chad, avoided Sandy and even ignored the worried looks he pretended he didn’t see Jensen shoot him when he would stumble in sometime the next morning. Jared didn’t go to his classes half the time, and if he did he was too hungover to pay attention to anything his professors were saying. He looked like crap, and that was sugar coating it. His eyes had dark circles underneath them and his skinwas a pale, Jared barely recognized himself half the time but it didn't matter because there was always a party togo to and distract himself from the fact that he was spiraling, fast.
Jared was at another nameless party (friend of a friend of Misha's) and had a buzz going, just enough for Jared to go home with just about any guy that offered. It should of occurred to him how slutty that was but, well, he wasmaking out with this hot guy (who wasn't Jensen) in a dark corner, beer in hand as he cups the other guy's (not Jensen's) jaw and deepened the kiss--whether or not it was slutty didn’t matter right then Jared's maybe 5 minutes away from getting laid when he's ripped out of some guy's (he doesn't have to say it right?) lap and forced upright. When he looks down he thinks that maybe the heavy drinking finally got to him because that right there looks like Jensen, a very pissed of Jensen but hey, beggars can't be choosers.
"What are you doing here? I thought you were going home tonight." It's a cursory inquiry to say the least,Jared doesn't want to make small talk with him because the bastard just cock blocked him. Again. okay, so maybe that last time was Jared’s fault, but Jensen was still involved by association so...
".. stupid drunk fucker. Come on Jay, I'm taking you home alright? Alright." Before Jared's aware of what's going on he's being tugged towards the door.
"No, s'not alright Jensen. I'm not going with you." Jared pulls his arm away and backs up a step, watching as Jensen looks back at him with wide eyes.
"What do you mean you're not coming back? From what I know, you've had enough to drink and enough groping sessions tonight." Jared's shaking his head before Jensen's even done talking, he doesn't want to go back with him. There's a reason why he's been partying so hard and it's standing right in front of him with his arms crossed over his chest.
"You don't get to say when I've had enough Jensen!" Jared is vaguely aware of the fact that the music gets turned down and everyone has stopped to stare.
"Of course I do you stubborn asshole, who else is supposed to keep you from getting alcohol poisoning?"
"Oh, I don't know, maybe me?"
"Jared, you're too drunk to know when to stop. If Chad hadn't of called me you'd be sleeping with that!" Jensen points, with no finesse, at the guy Jared had been making out with a few minutes ago. Turns out he got over Jared pretty quick there if the twink in his lap means anything. Huh. What an ass.
"Why do you even care, Jensen? You lost out on the chance to tell me what to do when you broke up with me! What happened to 'it didn't mean anything, Jared, I was horny and riding a buzz'?"
"I lied, you jackass! Godfuckingdamn I’m so tired of dealing with this, with you and your little temper tantrums! Go ahead, get laid or wasted or whatthefuckever because I'm done worrying about you Jared. I'm just done." They're both breathing hard, chests rising and falling like they've run a marathon. Jensen is looking up at him with this hurt beyond belief look on his face, like Jared betrayed him in a way he never thought was possible. The urge to apologize, to make that look go away is so strong and so persistent and it's starting to piss Jared off. He says something he regretted even then as the words spilled out of his mouth like venom.
"Why don't you go then? I'm not your business anymore Jensen, and I never was. Maybe I'm done with you never learning to take a hint." Once the words are out of his mouth, it's like a bomb set off, explosions of hurt and anger all over Jensen's face that feel like stabs to the gut.
"Fine, I'm taking the hint now, Jared." Jensen says, pausing to at Jared like he doesn't even recognize him anymore before turning on his heel. The door couldn't have slammed harder if Jensen had tried, and Jared knows because two months ago that was him. Now, he's standing in the aftermath of the war, face bleeding with color and his hands clenched so tight he can't feel the blood in them anymore.
After minutes of shocked silence, in which Jared is the utmost center of awkward attention, the music starts back up and it's like nothing happened. He can't say the same about his life though, because that just got fucked over.
Jared shouldn't be surprised that the second he leaves the party, ten minutes after Jensen did, Chad's name starts to flash all over his screen in txt messages and missed calls.
When Chad's name flashes on the screen again Jared answers.
"What the fuck did you do, Padalecki?"
"Nothing, what are you talking about."
"Nothing right, that's why Sandy saw Jensen packing up then? Because 'nothing happened'."
"Jensen's... wait, what?" Dread doesn't even begin to cover what Jared's feeling right now and he's starting up his car like his life depends on it. He may or may not have gone faster than the speed limit to get back to the dorms in time.
Jared isn’t really listening to Chad babble on the other line, something about being stupid and having his head up his ass, because he's too busy running towards his building. There aren't many people out this late at night what with midterms being right around the corner, but even then it's too much, too many people he has to dodge around and push past.
He rips through the door and up the stairs too fast and not fast enough, everything starts to move in slow motion and for all Jared knows Chad hung up a long time ago. When he makes it to his floor his legs start to lose their limited coordination but Jared doesn't care because the closed door means different things now than it did a week ago. He's afraid to open it, to see what's inside that could stop is blood cold, knows that he's not going to likewhat he sees because already it feels different, empty before he touches the door knob.
It takes him awhile to notice the difference at first, everything looks so much like it did before he left that when he looked from his side to Jensen's it's a slap in the face. It's empty, clear of anything save for the few posters still up on the wall and the papers scattered everywhere. He knows what it means, understood completely what Chad meant when he called him, but it didn't click into place until he was here standing in front of the evidence. There isn't a reaction that Jared can focus on at first, too many emotions to sift through before he can think again, but he can feel the regret and hurt bubble up, the realization of what this means.
Jared can't think right now, his brain unable to process anything other than the empty side of the room where Jensen should be. The world starts to tilt, pushing itself at an angle and making it harder for Jared to try and figure out where to go next. He wants the answers that keep hiding from him because this isn't fair, Jensen was the stupid one who went and told Jared it didn't mean shit to him how was he supposed to react to that situation?
Stupid, Jensen.
"Jay?" Jared looks down at the phone in his hand, arm dangling at his side, lifeless. There are tears running down his face, one at a time again and again so slow and carefree as they roll over his chin. When the world spins a little too hard and his stomach erupts into his throat, all Jared can think about, all he can hear and see, is Jensen, Jensen, Jensen.
But it's a little too late for that now, he's screwed everything up (again) and there isn’t anything Jared can do about it. He’s too busy putting that trash can to good use to payattention to Sandy as she slips into the room. She kneels by him and pats his back in slow circles until he's too empty to give upanything else. Jared doesn't know how she does it, but she manages to move him to his bed and out of his boots. She stays there with him, her fingers soft where they trace over his palm as he avoids looking at the other side of the room.
"I'm sorry, Jared."
"Yeah," he says, "I'm sorry too."
"Jared."
"Chad."
"Jared!"
"Chad!"
"Very funny asshole, here the Chadmeister comes bringing awesome news to your ungrateful ass and how do you repay him?" Jared rolls his eyes.
"Why are we talking about you in the third person? And, Chadmeister, really?"
"Shut up, it's a bad ass name and you know it."
"Yeah for a stoned pedophile who..."
"Anyways! News, I come with news of a party that will, quite frankly, knock your socks off." Jared snorts, unlikely. Chad wouldn't know a good party if it was dressed up as a unicorn and bit him in the ass, which, eww. Jared does not need to be thinking about Chad's ass.
"Yeah like the last party I let you drag me to? You do understand that the agreement I made with Sophia was that I go to all of my classes on time and go to absolutely no more parties, right?"
"Agreement shafeement, I talked to Sophia already and she said 'Anything as long as it gets his moody, annoying ass out of my house. Now go away Chad, I'd kind of like to get back to making out with my girlfriend.'" Shafeement?
"Was that last part necessary, really?"
"Yup." Chad nods, dopey grin firmly in place. Again, gross.
Chad has been trying to get Jared out of the house for two weeks now and apparently Jared isn't being clear enough when he tells Chad that, under no circumstances, will he go out to a party with him.
Oh and by the way, when Jared says 'house' he means Danneel and Sophia's. He'd moved into their spare bedroom under the promise (threat) that he go to all of his classes on time and not a single party, it was a bargain he was all too ready to agree with since he couldn’t stand to stay in his dorm with the constant reminder of his screw up.
On the brightside, Jared hadn't jeopardized his grades as much as he feared, he would just have to do extremely well on the upcoming midterm but that should set him back where he was before and all’s done for finals. With all of the drama going on, Jared didn't really pay much attention to the college life as he had intended, and the semester was flying by fast. He drowned himself in homework, papers he had to write, books he had to read, and math equations he had to figure out on his own.
"Come on, Jay, it's Halloween! Just one small little party, you're boring me to death and I will try and smother you in your sleep sometime soon if we don't go outside. You remember outside right? Blue sky, sun, beer..." The familiar words cut at Jared's still fresh wounds. Has it really only been months since school started? It feels like an eternity.
"Oh god, alright I'll go! Just please shut up." Jared says, exasperated as he throws his eraser at Chad to get him to stop talking.
"Cool. It's a Halloween party -duh- so dress up." He says, skating out of the room like the sneaky little bastard he is.
"You didn't tell me when it was, moron!"
"Tonight! Pick ya up at 8, JT!!" Chad calls back at him, and Jared swears the minute he has Chad alone, he's going to kill him. Painfully.
To tell you the truth, Jared has been telling everyone that what happened between him and Jensen is the farthest thing from his mind when the truth is, he's all Jared can think about. Chad offered once, to tell Jared where he was hiding out, and it tempted him so much. All he wanted was to apologize for the shit he pulled, for the loops he didn't know he was making Jensen jump through and for the pain and hurt and betrayal. Jared had a lot of time to think over the past two weeks about what exactly happened and how much of a stupid, blind asshole he’d been. It's no wonder Jensen gave up on him, Jared would have.
By the time 8:30 rolls around, Jared is pulling at his cape and reassuring his 'aunties' that he won't get drunk, go home with random people, run any red lights, follow a murderer down a dark alley way...
"Just what kind of party do you guys think I'm going to anyway? Cause this one sounds dangerous." Sophia smacks his shoulder and Danneel gives him a thumbs up behind her back. Jared doesn't even want to understand that one.
"Seriously Soph, I'll be fine. I’m 19, or did we forget that little detail?"
"But that's exactly my point! You're only 19, you can get yourself killed or kidnapped or raped..."
"Okay babe, leave the boy to his party." Danneel comes up behind her girlfriend and steers her towards the hallway, winking at Jared before they disappear into their bedroom. Okay, weird moment of the day: check.
Ten minutes later, Chad bursts in through the door in what Jared assumes is a pirate costume. He's wearing a shirt with a skeleton... thing on it, strips of red fabric Jared is pretty sure came from the shirt he let Chad borrow wrapped around his head, and honest to god eyeliner under his eyes. Jared's favorite part though, would have to be the cheap eye patch he's got covering his left eye.
"Ahoy matey." Jared says, Chad pops the color of his black jacket and model poses for him.
"Come on man, you can't tell me this isn't freaking legit." He pops his color again and Jared stifles the laugh that really wants to come out.
"Oh yeah, you're a regular Jack Sparrow alright."
"Hey that's Captain Jack Sparrow to you." Jared nods drastically, rolling his eyes and pushing Chad out of the doorway so he can lock up.
"At least it's better than... what the heck is that anyway? What are you, a zombie, Dracula?" Jared looks down at himself, he really doesn't know actually. This whole thing had been so last minute that Jared only had the ten bucks in his pocket and YouTube to help him create a costume. He was wearing a cheap red cape and an old torn up shirt of his that Danneel let him cover with her left over blood from last year.
"Both?" Chad squints at him closely, appraising his costume for a minute before he nods and slips into the car.
"I can see it."
When they make it to the party it's already in full swing, bodies dressed up as sexy nurses, vampires, and mad scientists alike all scattered throughout the floor. There are more people than Jared thought there would be, some he actually recognizes from a class or two of his. There's a bar all along the right side of the room filled with all kinds of drinks (beer mostly) and foods littering the shelves. They're playing cheesy Halloween music along with a mix version of every song you could think of. It's loud, crowded in a good way and pumped full of energy that gets Jared's adrenaline pumping.
"You might have been on to something with this party, Chad. It's not bad." Jared looks over and finds that Chad is gone, talking to some guy with devils horns perched on his head and a tail sticking out of his jeans. Jared makes his way over, maneuvering around the groups cluttering the floor -stopping to grab a cup of what he hopes is fruit punch- and finds his way next to Chad.
"Hey man, you can't just ditch me at a party you dragged me to that’s just... Jensen." After everything Jared's been through this year, he's not really surprised that the guy Chad had been talking to is him.
"Hey," Jensen says, looking for all the world like an awkward teenager at his first party. Jared turns towards Chad who's staring back at him defiantly.
"You planned this, didn't you."
"Among other things," Chad says, smirking like he knows more than Jared does which, clearly.
"Other things? What other things?" Jared looks up at Jensen, who's taking a sip from the cup in his hands.
"Were you in on this with him?" Jared asks, too confused to focus on the fact that he's standing in front of Jensen and it's not nearly as hard as he thought it would be.
"From the beginning." He says it like this was something Jared should have known, that stupid goddamn eyebrow going up again when Jared blanches at him.
"You didn't tell him, did you, Chad?" Jensen says, realization spreading over his face as he looks at Chad accusingly. While Chad on the other hand looks a bit sheepish but still holding his chin up defiantly.
"Well, no. I mean, in my defense, he was being such a moody little bitch that I never found the right chance to."
"Why am I the only one who doesn't understand what the fuck is going on here?" They both turn towards Jared, eyes appraising him before Jensen’s mouth turns down in an awkward frown.
"I thought that's why you agreed to come tonight, to talk with me." Jensen says but he's not looking at Jared, instead glaring at Chad like this was all his fault, which it probably is.
"Alright! So I didn’t tell him, excuse me. Jesus Christ, you two are scary fuckers you know what?" Jared is still very much lost on what's going on and it doesn't seem like anyone is paying attention to him.
"Hello, still here you know!" Jared waves his hands in the air. Jensen keeps looking at Chad with his mouth in a tight frown and his eyes glaring daggers until he gives in and raises his hands in defense.
"Okay Jared, so I wasn't exactly honest with you." That doesn't surprise Jared at this point but still, he has to ask.
"About what?" Chad looks back at Jensen, eyes wide and pleading and is met only with Jensen's stare of disapproval. He sighs and reaches into his back pocket, pulling out a white envelope with crease lines on nearly every space. He hands it to Jared, who immediately looks at the front. To say that he was shocked would be a huge understatement.
"This says ‘Texas Tropes University, Residency Request Form'. Why does it say that Chad?" Jared asks through gritted teeth. Chad looks like he wants to run away but after Jensen smacks him upside the head his eyebrows furrow in indignation and he rests a hand on his hip.
"It's the form I 'forgot' to turn in. Okay look, I was so tired of the way you'd been acting -because let's face it, you were acting like a slut- that I ambushed Jensen on his way home from his fanboy thing down at the library-"
"It was a book club meeting, moron."
"Like I said, fanboy thing. Anyways, I talked to him and we came up with a plan: I send in a different request form to the University and tell Jensen about one of the classes I knew you were taking. I figured, you guys have to eventually talk right? Wrong, because you guys were too freaking stubborn to do anything because Jared went and flipped out, hit on my roommate and did that whole 'I don't care what you have to say thing'. Not to mention the fact that you not only freaked out like a total princess when you guys ended up partners on that stupid project of yours -which took a lot of convincing Professor Morgan on my part- but you guys didn't even freaking work on it because asshat over here -which is you by the way, Jared- decided to not sleep with Jensen over here and became a slut all over again.
I even called Jensen to tell him what party you were at but Jared you had to go fuck that up too!! So here we are and you are going to fucking work this out. I've invested way too much of my time in you two for this not to work." When Chad stops talking he's breathing hard, his hands still waving in the air before they come crashing down. Jared stares at him for a few minutes then looks over at Jensen who's at least a bit shocked at how heated Chad got at the end there. Their eyes meet and Jared gets lost in the swirl of gold and green before he nods.
"This true?"
"Technically? Yes, but it sounds crazier when Chad says it like that." Jensen answers and Jared nods again. His fingers trace over the red plastic of the cup in his hand before they tighten their hold and Jared throws the punch (alcohol free because the wrath of Sophia scares him) straight at Jensen's face. Jensen is sputtering, fingers trying to get at his eyes but only succeed in wiping at the lens of his glasses before he remembers that they're on. Priceless moment of the night: check.
"What is it with you and throwing drinks in my face?!" He screeches, wiping his face on the arm of his sleeve. He wipes his glasses clean and slips them back on, looking at Jared like he's lost his mind. Always a possibility.
"You guys went behind my back and planned this disaster?!" Jared retorts back, grabbing onto Chad's arm when he tries for an escape.
"Explain." he demands, arms crossing over his chest. Chad looks defeated, pinching the bridge of his nose as he turns back towards him.
"Do I have to say it all again? You two were miserable without each other! I was tired of seeing you whoring yourself around like... well like Justin Hartley -which, dude really, why would you lose your virginity to that on prom night?- and you don't know how many classes I had with Jensen being all suicidal and shit. Now, I am going to get very drunk and I swear to fucking god if you two don't talk I will just cut straight to the end of all this and murder you both." Chad takes his leave and makes a beeline for the bar. They both watch him go for a minute before Jared turns toward Jensen and points a thumb to the door.
"So, are we going to go talk and get this over with or are we going to wait for Chad to come back with a gun and blow our heads off? Though, hoestly, I do think he'd go for the more painful approach and- mmph!" Jensen pulls Jared's head down and presses their lips together. It's a soft, chaste kiss but it shuts Jared up just fine.
"You talk way too much Jay." Jensen says before he leans back in.
There's a point in life where you have a moment of clarity. The entire world clicks into place and it's like all your problems disappear so fast your head starts to spin and spin. It's this moment, right now, staring into Jensen's eyes and seeing all that love, all that confusion and hope and faith reflect right back at him. In that moment Jared knows. He knows everything and nothing and the world makes sense and its the most confusing object in his life. It's in this moment that Jared kisses him and its in this moment that he hears the click resonate all around him. Jared thinks Jensen hears it too, because that's when he feels his thumb brush across his cheek and they separate like they have the whole world. Its when he opens his eyes and smiles when Jensen does.
Jared thinks that maybe, after all of this pain and hurt and confusion, it had to be him after all.
Epilogue
When Misha comes up to him the next day asking if Jared wants to go to his party that night, Jared doesn’t even hesitate in saying yes. It scares him, but the hurt and all the other shit swirling around in his fucked up head scare him too so he doesn’t pay any attention to the sick twist growing in his stomach. Jared almost feels like he should tell Chad, or Sandy, or somebody where he’s going but when he unlocks his phone and stares at the keypad there’s the part of him that doesn’t want them to know, doesn’t want them to ruin his fun. Jared tosses his phone onto the passenger seat and pulls out of the parking lot.
At Misha’s place you can hear the music before you even get to the sidewalk. It looks like a stereotypical college party you might see on TV, beer bottles littering the lawn and crowds of giggling drunk girls and cocky drunk guys in every corner. When Jared steps inside he’s surprised at how many people are crammed in there, the apartment isn’t that big really and Jared has a passing thought of fire hazards before he’s being bustled along the crowd toward the corner packed with coolers, kegs, shots, limes, long bottles of cheap wine and tequila, the whole shebang.
It doesn’t take long for Jared to get a good buzz going, half the people here remember him from the last party and they keep the drinks coming, trying to see how much he can hold this time. At one point, when he was getting handed another shot, it occurred to him that he should probably go home now before he gets too drunk to drive -don’t drink and drive and all that- but then he downs the shot and doesn’t even remember what he was thinking about in the first place.
Jared only stops after the umpteenth shot they hand him, the world already spinning and twirling like a ballerina. After that he doesn’t remember much about what happens, he travels from person to person getting felt up, moved from around like a doll without a home, and for once he doesn’t care. For once he can forget about Jensen and have some fun like a real college kid should.
Jared doesn’t remember how it happens, isn’t quite sure how he migrated from one side of the party to the other, but he ends up in the lap of some guy he vaguely remembers seeing one time on his way to one of his classes. Of course after the guy gets his hands up his shirt Jared doesn’t really care about where he’s seen him before. It’s not something he’s very proud of to say in the least, but at the time it seemed like a brilliant idea that had no faults. He let the guy take him into a bedroom Jared didn’t recognize, let the guy push him down on his knees and use him. Jared isn’t too sharp on what exactly happened other than that afterwards other than that his lips were red and puffy and his ass hurt like a motherfucker, so it really wasn’t hard to put two and two together--there was also the fact that the guy threw him out like yesterday’s paper after he was done.
Jared had stumbled his way back to Misha’s where the party was already dwindling down to a few stragglers trying to drink their way to oblivion. Jared wanted to join them but he was too busy looking for Misha to give in to the temptation. Jared ends up puking all over the kitchen floor and passing out somewhere near the couch before he can do either.
It becomes a regular thing after that, despite how crappy and used Jared felt when he’d waken up the next day. Waking up in strange places and sneaking into his dorm in the early hours of the morning became his life those two weeks. Jared ignored phone calls from Sophia and Chad, avoided Sandy and even ignored the worried looks he pretended he didn’t see Jensen shoot him when he would stumble in sometime the next morning. Jared didn’t go to his classes half the time, and if he did he was too hungover to pay attention to anything his professors were saying. He looked like crap, and that was sugar coating it. His eyes had dark circles underneath them and his skinwas a pale, Jared barely recognized himself half the time but it didn't matter because there was always a party togo to and distract himself from the fact that he was spiraling, fast.
Jared was at another nameless party (friend of a friend of Misha's) and had a buzz going, just enough for Jared to go home with just about any guy that offered. It should of occurred to him how slutty that was but, well, he wasmaking out with this hot guy (who wasn't Jensen) in a dark corner, beer in hand as he cups the other guy's (not Jensen's) jaw and deepened the kiss--whether or not it was slutty didn’t matter right then Jared's maybe 5 minutes away from getting laid when he's ripped out of some guy's (he doesn't have to say it right?) lap and forced upright. When he looks down he thinks that maybe the heavy drinking finally got to him because that right there looks like Jensen, a very pissed of Jensen but hey, beggars can't be choosers.
"What are you doing here? I thought you were going home tonight." It's a cursory inquiry to say the least,Jared doesn't want to make small talk with him because the bastard just cock blocked him. Again. okay, so maybe that last time was Jared’s fault, but Jensen was still involved by association so...
".. stupid drunk fucker. Come on Jay, I'm taking you home alright? Alright." Before Jared's aware of what's going on he's being tugged towards the door.
"No, s'not alright Jensen. I'm not going with you." Jared pulls his arm away and backs up a step, watching as Jensen looks back at him with wide eyes.
"What do you mean you're not coming back? From what I know, you've had enough to drink and enough groping sessions tonight." Jared's shaking his head before Jensen's even done talking, he doesn't want to go back with him. There's a reason why he's been partying so hard and it's standing right in front of him with his arms crossed over his chest.
"You don't get to say when I've had enough Jensen!" Jared is vaguely aware of the fact that the music gets turned down and everyone has stopped to stare.
"Of course I do you stubborn asshole, who else is supposed to keep you from getting alcohol poisoning?"
"Oh, I don't know, maybe me?"
"Jared, you're too drunk to know when to stop. If Chad hadn't of called me you'd be sleeping with that!" Jensen points, with no finesse, at the guy Jared had been making out with a few minutes ago. Turns out he got over Jared pretty quick there if the twink in his lap means anything. Huh. What an ass.
"Why do you even care, Jensen? You lost out on the chance to tell me what to do when you broke up with me! What happened to 'it didn't mean anything, Jared, I was horny and riding a buzz'?"
"I lied, you jackass! Godfuckingdamn I’m so tired of dealing with this, with you and your little temper tantrums! Go ahead, get laid or wasted or whatthefuckever because I'm done worrying about you Jared. I'm just done." They're both breathing hard, chests rising and falling like they've run a marathon. Jensen is looking up at him with this hurt beyond belief look on his face, like Jared betrayed him in a way he never thought was possible. The urge to apologize, to make that look go away is so strong and so persistent and it's starting to piss Jared off. He says something he regretted even then as the words spilled out of his mouth like venom.
"Why don't you go then? I'm not your business anymore Jensen, and I never was. Maybe I'm done with you never learning to take a hint." Once the words are out of his mouth, it's like a bomb set off, explosions of hurt and anger all over Jensen's face that feel like stabs to the gut.
"Fine, I'm taking the hint now, Jared." Jensen says, pausing to at Jared like he doesn't even recognize him anymore before turning on his heel. The door couldn't have slammed harder if Jensen had tried, and Jared knows because two months ago that was him. Now, he's standing in the aftermath of the war, face bleeding with color and his hands clenched so tight he can't feel the blood in them anymore.
After minutes of shocked silence, in which Jared is the utmost center of awkward attention, the music starts back up and it's like nothing happened. He can't say the same about his life though, because that just got fucked over.
Jared shouldn't be surprised that the second he leaves the party, ten minutes after Jensen did, Chad's name starts to flash all over his screen in txt messages and missed calls.
When Chad's name flashes on the screen again Jared answers.
"What the fuck did you do, Padalecki?"
"Nothing, what are you talking about."
"Nothing right, that's why Sandy saw Jensen packing up then? Because 'nothing happened'."
"Jensen's... wait, what?" Dread doesn't even begin to cover what Jared's feeling right now and he's starting up his car like his life depends on it. He may or may not have gone faster than the speed limit to get back to the dorms in time.
Jared isn’t really listening to Chad babble on the other line, something about being stupid and having his head up his ass, because he's too busy running towards his building. There aren't many people out this late at night what with midterms being right around the corner, but even then it's too much, too many people he has to dodge around and push past.
He rips through the door and up the stairs too fast and not fast enough, everything starts to move in slow motion and for all Jared knows Chad hung up a long time ago. When he makes it to his floor his legs start to lose their limited coordination but Jared doesn't care because the closed door means different things now than it did a week ago. He's afraid to open it, to see what's inside that could stop is blood cold, knows that he's not going to likewhat he sees because already it feels different, empty before he touches the door knob.
It takes him awhile to notice the difference at first, everything looks so much like it did before he left that when he looked from his side to Jensen's it's a slap in the face. It's empty, clear of anything save for the few posters still up on the wall and the papers scattered everywhere. He knows what it means, understood completely what Chad meant when he called him, but it didn't click into place until he was here standing in front of the evidence. There isn't a reaction that Jared can focus on at first, too many emotions to sift through before he can think again, but he can feel the regret and hurt bubble up, the realization of what this means.
Jared can't think right now, his brain unable to process anything other than the empty side of the room where Jensen should be. The world starts to tilt, pushing itself at an angle and making it harder for Jared to try and figure out where to go next. He wants the answers that keep hiding from him because this isn't fair, Jensen was the stupid one who went and told Jared it didn't mean shit to him how was he supposed to react to that situation?
Stupid, Jensen.
"Jay?" Jared looks down at the phone in his hand, arm dangling at his side, lifeless. There are tears running down his face, one at a time again and again so slow and carefree as they roll over his chin. When the world spins a little too hard and his stomach erupts into his throat, all Jared can think about, all he can hear and see, is Jensen, Jensen, Jensen.
But it's a little too late for that now, he's screwed everything up (again) and there isn’t anything Jared can do about it. He’s too busy putting that trash can to good use to payattention to Sandy as she slips into the room. She kneels by him and pats his back in slow circles until he's too empty to give upanything else. Jared doesn't know how she does it, but she manages to move him to his bed and out of his boots. She stays there with him, her fingers soft where they trace over his palm as he avoids looking at the other side of the room.
"I'm sorry, Jared."
"Yeah," he says, "I'm sorry too."
"Jared."
"Chad."
"Jared!"
"Chad!"
"Very funny asshole, here the Chadmeister comes bringing awesome news to your ungrateful ass and how do you repay him?" Jared rolls his eyes.
"Why are we talking about you in the third person? And, Chadmeister, really?"
"Shut up, it's a bad ass name and you know it."
"Yeah for a stoned pedophile who..."
"Anyways! News, I come with news of a party that will, quite frankly, knock your socks off." Jared snorts, unlikely. Chad wouldn't know a good party if it was dressed up as a unicorn and bit him in the ass, which, eww. Jared does not need to be thinking about Chad's ass.
"Yeah like the last party I let you drag me to? You do understand that the agreement I made with Sophia was that I go to all of my classes on time and go to absolutely no more parties, right?"
"Agreement shafeement, I talked to Sophia already and she said 'Anything as long as it gets his moody, annoying ass out of my house. Now go away Chad, I'd kind of like to get back to making out with my girlfriend.'" Shafeement?
"Was that last part necessary, really?"
"Yup." Chad nods, dopey grin firmly in place. Again, gross.
Chad has been trying to get Jared out of the house for two weeks now and apparently Jared isn't being clear enough when he tells Chad that, under no circumstances, will he go out to a party with him.
Oh and by the way, when Jared says 'house' he means Danneel and Sophia's. He'd moved into their spare bedroom under the promise (threat) that he go to all of his classes on time and not a single party, it was a bargain he was all too ready to agree with since he couldn’t stand to stay in his dorm with the constant reminder of his screw up.
On the brightside, Jared hadn't jeopardized his grades as much as he feared, he would just have to do extremely well on the upcoming midterm but that should set him back where he was before and all’s done for finals. With all of the drama going on, Jared didn't really pay much attention to the college life as he had intended, and the semester was flying by fast. He drowned himself in homework, papers he had to write, books he had to read, and math equations he had to figure out on his own.
"Come on, Jay, it's Halloween! Just one small little party, you're boring me to death and I will try and smother you in your sleep sometime soon if we don't go outside. You remember outside right? Blue sky, sun, beer..." The familiar words cut at Jared's still fresh wounds. Has it really only been months since school started? It feels like an eternity.
"Oh god, alright I'll go! Just please shut up." Jared says, exasperated as he throws his eraser at Chad to get him to stop talking.
"Cool. It's a Halloween party -duh- so dress up." He says, skating out of the room like the sneaky little bastard he is.
"You didn't tell me when it was, moron!"
"Tonight! Pick ya up at 8, JT!!" Chad calls back at him, and Jared swears the minute he has Chad alone, he's going to kill him. Painfully.
To tell you the truth, Jared has been telling everyone that what happened between him and Jensen is the farthest thing from his mind when the truth is, he's all Jared can think about. Chad offered once, to tell Jared where he was hiding out, and it tempted him so much. All he wanted was to apologize for the shit he pulled, for the loops he didn't know he was making Jensen jump through and for the pain and hurt and betrayal. Jared had a lot of time to think over the past two weeks about what exactly happened and how much of a stupid, blind asshole he’d been. It's no wonder Jensen gave up on him, Jared would have.
By the time 8:30 rolls around, Jared is pulling at his cape and reassuring his 'aunties' that he won't get drunk, go home with random people, run any red lights, follow a murderer down a dark alley way...
"Just what kind of party do you guys think I'm going to anyway? Cause this one sounds dangerous." Sophia smacks his shoulder and Danneel gives him a thumbs up behind her back. Jared doesn't even want to understand that one.
"Seriously Soph, I'll be fine. I’m 19, or did we forget that little detail?"
"But that's exactly my point! You're only 19, you can get yourself killed or kidnapped or raped..."
"Okay babe, leave the boy to his party." Danneel comes up behind her girlfriend and steers her towards the hallway, winking at Jared before they disappear into their bedroom. Okay, weird moment of the day: check.
Ten minutes later, Chad bursts in through the door in what Jared assumes is a pirate costume. He's wearing a shirt with a skeleton... thing on it, strips of red fabric Jared is pretty sure came from the shirt he let Chad borrow wrapped around his head, and honest to god eyeliner under his eyes. Jared's favorite part though, would have to be the cheap eye patch he's got covering his left eye.
"Ahoy matey." Jared says, Chad pops the color of his black jacket and model poses for him.
"Come on man, you can't tell me this isn't freaking legit." He pops his color again and Jared stifles the laugh that really wants to come out.
"Oh yeah, you're a regular Jack Sparrow alright."
"Hey that's Captain Jack Sparrow to you." Jared nods drastically, rolling his eyes and pushing Chad out of the doorway so he can lock up.
"At least it's better than... what the heck is that anyway? What are you, a zombie, Dracula?" Jared looks down at himself, he really doesn't know actually. This whole thing had been so last minute that Jared only had the ten bucks in his pocket and YouTube to help him create a costume. He was wearing a cheap red cape and an old torn up shirt of his that Danneel let him cover with her left over blood from last year.
"Both?" Chad squints at him closely, appraising his costume for a minute before he nods and slips into the car.
"I can see it."
When they make it to the party it's already in full swing, bodies dressed up as sexy nurses, vampires, and mad scientists alike all scattered throughout the floor. There are more people than Jared thought there would be, some he actually recognizes from a class or two of his. There's a bar all along the right side of the room filled with all kinds of drinks (beer mostly) and foods littering the shelves. They're playing cheesy Halloween music along with a mix version of every song you could think of. It's loud, crowded in a good way and pumped full of energy that gets Jared's adrenaline pumping.
"You might have been on to something with this party, Chad. It's not bad." Jared looks over and finds that Chad is gone, talking to some guy with devils horns perched on his head and a tail sticking out of his jeans. Jared makes his way over, maneuvering around the groups cluttering the floor -stopping to grab a cup of what he hopes is fruit punch- and finds his way next to Chad.
"Hey man, you can't just ditch me at a party you dragged me to that’s just... Jensen." After everything Jared's been through this year, he's not really surprised that the guy Chad had been talking to is him.
"Hey," Jensen says, looking for all the world like an awkward teenager at his first party. Jared turns towards Chad who's staring back at him defiantly.
"You planned this, didn't you."
"Among other things," Chad says, smirking like he knows more than Jared does which, clearly.
"Other things? What other things?" Jared looks up at Jensen, who's taking a sip from the cup in his hands.
"Were you in on this with him?" Jared asks, too confused to focus on the fact that he's standing in front of Jensen and it's not nearly as hard as he thought it would be.
"From the beginning." He says it like this was something Jared should have known, that stupid goddamn eyebrow going up again when Jared blanches at him.
"You didn't tell him, did you, Chad?" Jensen says, realization spreading over his face as he looks at Chad accusingly. While Chad on the other hand looks a bit sheepish but still holding his chin up defiantly.
"Well, no. I mean, in my defense, he was being such a moody little bitch that I never found the right chance to."
"Why am I the only one who doesn't understand what the fuck is going on here?" They both turn towards Jared, eyes appraising him before Jensen’s mouth turns down in an awkward frown.
"I thought that's why you agreed to come tonight, to talk with me." Jensen says but he's not looking at Jared, instead glaring at Chad like this was all his fault, which it probably is.
"Alright! So I didn’t tell him, excuse me. Jesus Christ, you two are scary fuckers you know what?" Jared is still very much lost on what's going on and it doesn't seem like anyone is paying attention to him.
"Hello, still here you know!" Jared waves his hands in the air. Jensen keeps looking at Chad with his mouth in a tight frown and his eyes glaring daggers until he gives in and raises his hands in defense.
"Okay Jared, so I wasn't exactly honest with you." That doesn't surprise Jared at this point but still, he has to ask.
"About what?" Chad looks back at Jensen, eyes wide and pleading and is met only with Jensen's stare of disapproval. He sighs and reaches into his back pocket, pulling out a white envelope with crease lines on nearly every space. He hands it to Jared, who immediately looks at the front. To say that he was shocked would be a huge understatement.
"This says ‘Texas Tropes University, Residency Request Form'. Why does it say that Chad?" Jared asks through gritted teeth. Chad looks like he wants to run away but after Jensen smacks him upside the head his eyebrows furrow in indignation and he rests a hand on his hip.
"It's the form I 'forgot' to turn in. Okay look, I was so tired of the way you'd been acting -because let's face it, you were acting like a slut- that I ambushed Jensen on his way home from his fanboy thing down at the library-"
"It was a book club meeting, moron."
"Like I said, fanboy thing. Anyways, I talked to him and we came up with a plan: I send in a different request form to the University and tell Jensen about one of the classes I knew you were taking. I figured, you guys have to eventually talk right? Wrong, because you guys were too freaking stubborn to do anything because Jared went and flipped out, hit on my roommate and did that whole 'I don't care what you have to say thing'. Not to mention the fact that you not only freaked out like a total princess when you guys ended up partners on that stupid project of yours -which took a lot of convincing Professor Morgan on my part- but you guys didn't even freaking work on it because asshat over here -which is you by the way, Jared- decided to not sleep with Jensen over here and became a slut all over again.
I even called Jensen to tell him what party you were at but Jared you had to go fuck that up too!! So here we are and you are going to fucking work this out. I've invested way too much of my time in you two for this not to work." When Chad stops talking he's breathing hard, his hands still waving in the air before they come crashing down. Jared stares at him for a few minutes then looks over at Jensen who's at least a bit shocked at how heated Chad got at the end there. Their eyes meet and Jared gets lost in the swirl of gold and green before he nods.
"This true?"
"Technically? Yes, but it sounds crazier when Chad says it like that." Jensen answers and Jared nods again. His fingers trace over the red plastic of the cup in his hand before they tighten their hold and Jared throws the punch (alcohol free because the wrath of Sophia scares him) straight at Jensen's face. Jensen is sputtering, fingers trying to get at his eyes but only succeed in wiping at the lens of his glasses before he remembers that they're on. Priceless moment of the night: check.
"What is it with you and throwing drinks in my face?!" He screeches, wiping his face on the arm of his sleeve. He wipes his glasses clean and slips them back on, looking at Jared like he's lost his mind. Always a possibility.
"You guys went behind my back and planned this disaster?!" Jared retorts back, grabbing onto Chad's arm when he tries for an escape.
"Explain." he demands, arms crossing over his chest. Chad looks defeated, pinching the bridge of his nose as he turns back towards him.
"Do I have to say it all again? You two were miserable without each other! I was tired of seeing you whoring yourself around like... well like Justin Hartley -which, dude really, why would you lose your virginity to that on prom night?- and you don't know how many classes I had with Jensen being all suicidal and shit. Now, I am going to get very drunk and I swear to fucking god if you two don't talk I will just cut straight to the end of all this and murder you both." Chad takes his leave and makes a beeline for the bar. They both watch him go for a minute before Jared turns toward Jensen and points a thumb to the door.
"So, are we going to go talk and get this over with or are we going to wait for Chad to come back with a gun and blow our heads off? Though, hoestly, I do think he'd go for the more painful approach and- mmph!" Jensen pulls Jared's head down and presses their lips together. It's a soft, chaste kiss but it shuts Jared up just fine.
"You talk way too much Jay." Jensen says before he leans back in.
There's a point in life where you have a moment of clarity. The entire world clicks into place and it's like all your problems disappear so fast your head starts to spin and spin. It's this moment, right now, staring into Jensen's eyes and seeing all that love, all that confusion and hope and faith reflect right back at him. In that moment Jared knows. He knows everything and nothing and the world makes sense and its the most confusing object in his life. It's in this moment that Jared kisses him and its in this moment that he hears the click resonate all around him. Jared thinks Jensen hears it too, because that's when he feels his thumb brush across his cheek and they separate like they have the whole world. Its when he opens his eyes and smiles when Jensen does.
Jared thinks that maybe, after all of this pain and hurt and confusion, it had to be him after all.
Epilogue