Incredible feelings of self doubt

[ficklefairy]

Well, had a murderous week at college. Gained a lot of self doubt about my abilities in the fashion-y area. I'm scared that I'm just wasting my time and that I won't get into Manchester and all that. I've got really frustrated coz I can't make stuff which I KNOW I can do. I just need to put my mind to it. And then, to top it all off... Gay said that I could probably get a pass and maybe a merit. I have not worked this hard to come out with just a pass. I'm not even saying that I expect a bloody distinction but I have put my heart and soul into everything I've done... and now, because I have a few sheets missing, she's overlooking everything I've done. In fact, scratch that, she's pretty much skimmed a look at all the work she's marked. I've done all the work and more minus one A2 sheet of drawing. So... that said, I don't know what she's marking off. If she's marking off ability then she can't be doing a very thorough job if she's barely giving it a second look. If she's marking on quantity and no quality then this course is even more bollocks than I first thought. How can you mark an art student purely on how much they can do and not take into account their abilities. Oh, it's all a bunch of shit. I don't know what to do for the best. I either carry on and apply for fashion design or think, "fuck that" and apply for fashion marketing or something. Is that the cowardly way out?! Is my fear of rejection preventing me from trying for something that I feel so passionately about?! ARGH
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I am actually literally tired of thinking about it now lol
Apart from college, other stuff is great. I'm happy... just not content with my abilities. Ah well, a little self doubt never killed anyone (but it did stop talented and passionate people from following their dreams) Am I even talented?! Oh god...............

I have become a whiney bitch... kill me now. I am not saying that I'm the greatest... I guess I'm just scared.