Bullying.
Disclaimer: I've been planning this post out for weeks because the Bad Penny report on CC reminded me of cairnsy and how she'd posted about being bullied online the same week I posted about Christina and RL bullying. Then I ended up having an RL discussion about Kathy and Numa about my inability to move on from it, and how it's going to hurt for the rest of my life when I think about it.
In other words, this has nothing to do with the hate meme and I'd appreciate if nobody brought it up in context with this.
On to the meat of the post.
Ages twelve to fourteen, I was pretty much a pushover. If you wanted to copy off my homework, I let you. If you tried cheating off me during a test after making friends with me just to sit next to me in class for said test, I'd put the pencilcase between us so you couldn't see my answers but I wouldn't report you to the teachers.
Easy target, right? Especially for Christina and her girl clique.* While on a camping trip where we were staying in a hotel, I made the mistake of telling them that I'm scared of the dark to the point that it's practically a phobia.
So, like any normal human being, she and one of her cronies trapped me within a small, dark corridor about the size of a closet, one of them at each end. Lights off, of course, so absolute darkness. And they made howling noises.
This happened twice because there was no way for me to get in and out of the room without passing through the corridor. The first time, I screamed so loudly that the people in the room next to me came to complain, so Christina and Saira let me go. The second time, I flipped and fought my way out, only to have a teacher track me down and make me apologize to Christina for my 'unprovoked attack' on her.
None of the other girls in the room -- all of whom had heard me screaming and knew what was going on -- spoke up in my defense or said that Christina was lying.
And all of them just stood there while I stammered out an apology while crying. As for why I was crying, it wsa more from the shock, hurt and betrayal than actual guilt. No way would I feel guilty for standing up for myself.
Why am I suddenly talking about this?
Because of this post in which someone talks frankly and openly about her own experiences with being bullied, and how she is never, ever going to get over it either.
Point of this post?
If someone's smaller than you, weaker than you, stupider than you, or less popular than you, it still doesn't give you the right to pick on them. If someone opens up to you and trusts you, that doesn't give you the right to betray them. If someone cares about you, don't exploit it for attention. If people follow you, don't use that to gang up on someone else and grind them into the dirt with the power of superior numbers.
Sounds obvious? It is.
Difficult to understand? It really isn't.
Before you do something that could be hurtful, think about the other person involved and how you'd feel like if you were them. And no, "If I were them, I'd deserve it", doesn't work.
Because long after you've forgotten them and the slight you've dealt them -- long after they've receded to 'that quiet girl, wassername?' -- they'll remember you.
Remember you, hate you and hurt.
So if you're just standing by while someone else is getting bullied, don't. Intervene. Give them a good person to remember. Remind them the entire human race isn't made up of backstabbers and assholes. Playing damage control afterwards isn't enough -- damage's done, it's too late, I don't care what you say to make me feel better, you still hurt me in the first place.
This is, I suppose, a 'mean girls in high school' post. It really, really is. But it's also a 'sheep on the internet' and 'mindless followers' post. It's a post that's asking you to think before you just go along with the crowd, and it's a post that points out that lynch mobs have nothing to do with justice and everything to do with hate.
And that's about all I've got to say. Play nice, everyone.
*I was going to just link back to one of my previous posts about her, but I figured that it made more sense to include it in the main post.
In other words, this has nothing to do with the hate meme and I'd appreciate if nobody brought it up in context with this.
On to the meat of the post.
Ages twelve to fourteen, I was pretty much a pushover. If you wanted to copy off my homework, I let you. If you tried cheating off me during a test after making friends with me just to sit next to me in class for said test, I'd put the pencilcase between us so you couldn't see my answers but I wouldn't report you to the teachers.
Easy target, right? Especially for Christina and her girl clique.* While on a camping trip where we were staying in a hotel, I made the mistake of telling them that I'm scared of the dark to the point that it's practically a phobia.
So, like any normal human being, she and one of her cronies trapped me within a small, dark corridor about the size of a closet, one of them at each end. Lights off, of course, so absolute darkness. And they made howling noises.
This happened twice because there was no way for me to get in and out of the room without passing through the corridor. The first time, I screamed so loudly that the people in the room next to me came to complain, so Christina and Saira let me go. The second time, I flipped and fought my way out, only to have a teacher track me down and make me apologize to Christina for my 'unprovoked attack' on her.
None of the other girls in the room -- all of whom had heard me screaming and knew what was going on -- spoke up in my defense or said that Christina was lying.
And all of them just stood there while I stammered out an apology while crying. As for why I was crying, it wsa more from the shock, hurt and betrayal than actual guilt. No way would I feel guilty for standing up for myself.
Why am I suddenly talking about this?
Because of this post in which someone talks frankly and openly about her own experiences with being bullied, and how she is never, ever going to get over it either.
Point of this post?
If someone's smaller than you, weaker than you, stupider than you, or less popular than you, it still doesn't give you the right to pick on them. If someone opens up to you and trusts you, that doesn't give you the right to betray them. If someone cares about you, don't exploit it for attention. If people follow you, don't use that to gang up on someone else and grind them into the dirt with the power of superior numbers.
Sounds obvious? It is.
Difficult to understand? It really isn't.
Before you do something that could be hurtful, think about the other person involved and how you'd feel like if you were them. And no, "If I were them, I'd deserve it", doesn't work.
Because long after you've forgotten them and the slight you've dealt them -- long after they've receded to 'that quiet girl, wassername?' -- they'll remember you.
Remember you, hate you and hurt.
So if you're just standing by while someone else is getting bullied, don't. Intervene. Give them a good person to remember. Remind them the entire human race isn't made up of backstabbers and assholes. Playing damage control afterwards isn't enough -- damage's done, it's too late, I don't care what you say to make me feel better, you still hurt me in the first place.
This is, I suppose, a 'mean girls in high school' post. It really, really is. But it's also a 'sheep on the internet' and 'mindless followers' post. It's a post that's asking you to think before you just go along with the crowd, and it's a post that points out that lynch mobs have nothing to do with justice and everything to do with hate.
And that's about all I've got to say. Play nice, everyone.
*I was going to just link back to one of my previous posts about her, but I figured that it made more sense to include it in the main post.