Jumping Hedges in the Afternoon - Part 4
It had been a long day back at work, only it wasn’t really being back at work because he hadn’t been in Downing Street, he hadn’t been doing his old job at all. He should have told Grey that before, he realised, but it had been late and they’d both obviously been tired and what could he say really? Tell her it was going to be different. She wouldn’t have believed him and then they’d’ve just ended up sitting up all night talking and Malcolm couldn’t do that, not with work looming.So now here he was alone and sat at the foot of his bed trying to work out what to do next. Grey had left. He kept telling himself it was for the best, for her if not him. Only he wasn’t so sure, maybe it was best for him as well. He was used to the job being all he had, making time for her, it was just an added stress. He wasn’t even convinced that was true either. Maybe this was better for the both of them, but maybe it wasn’t. She’d made it completely clear she still loved him, that she had no intention of going out with anyone else, it was him or no one. And he felt the same, even if he really didn’t have many options in that regard.
“Fuck!” he barked, running his hand through his hair. He wasn’t one for grand gestures and neither was Grey, but he had to do something, didn’t he? Malcolm Tucker was not the kind of man that just gave up without a fight, so why the fuck had he just let her leave?
Grey was on the tube when her phone beeped and she couldn’t say she was exactly inclined to answer it. She wasn’t going to be happy whether the text was from Malcolm or not. She just couldn’t win. Story of her fucking life!
Do you want to know what you are to me? You’re the most important person in my fucking life. Which I know isn’t saying a lot but you are, ok? x
And yet
Okay so he probably deserved that. He didn’t treat her like the most important person in the world to him. Only actually he did. That was the truly pathetic thing. He saw her more than anyone he didn’t work with, but it wasn’t enough. All the things she’d said were true. They barely saw each other and really if he was any kind of decent man he’d just let her go, because it was what was best for her. He just hated it, coming back to the empty crashpad every night. He missed her, he really did.
We can’t leave it like this
Like what?
With us not fucking being together. You said it yourself it’s me or no one so why not have it be me, darling? Or am I not even better than nothing?
That’s not what I said. I said I wasn’t gonna stick around and watch you kill yourself and you’re gonna do that. It isn’t about the waiting around. Time really doesn’t mean that much to me.
I think you missed that part out actually, about me killing myself, But really I’m strong as a fucking ox, darling, .Can I come over? We need to talk. You’re right, I can’t leave the party. Not right now but…fuck Grey can we please talk about it?
Fine, come over. Just don’t be surprised if it goes really fucking badly and I end up hitting you, yeah?
“Suspect it’s the least I deserve. I’ll be there in a bit. What about your housemates?
They’ll be at work, depending on how long you stay we’ll work it out from there. No one’s ever been inclined to pay any interest in my personal life though, so I wouldn’t worry.
Malcolm took just a little while trying to weigh up his best options in terms of transport. Normally a tube would have been fine but he was feeling extra cautious since he’d been all over the papers and news and was heading to Camden, to Grey, if anyone did think to follow him it was only going to make things a fuck of a lot worse, and it wasn’t like he could just trust some London cabbie.
“Tony?” he said into his phone. “I need you to take me to Camden. I’m assuming you’re still my man, right? Cos if you aren’t, and you’re likely to double cross me you’d better just fucking refuse now before I’m forced to call my pal Jamie, okay?”
“I’ll be there in ten,” he agreed.
The wonder of Tony had always been that he didn’t ask questions. He’d been Malcolm’s official government payed driver for years but Malcolm had always tipped him well, just in case. When Grey had become a ‘thing’ in his life he’d been incredibly pleased he had. He’d put Grey in his car numerous times since she’d become an intern, and after that when they’d very occasionally got in the car together. Nothing had ever come out though. As far as Malcolm knew Tony was trustworthy. He really didn’t have anything to gain from fucking him over whereas he did have a kneecap or two to lose.
The journey was silent. Malcolm hadn’t even had to tell Tony where to go, he just knew, and better than that he knew not to ask anything.
When the car pulled up outside Grey’s shared house Malcolm handed over some money without even looking at it. “You’re on call,” he informed Tony “No more than five minutes away, you hear me?”
Tony gave a simple nod of the head then drove off again leaving Malcolm on his own to walk up the stairs and ring Grey’s doorbell.
Fuck! She wished she hadn’t just been sitting there waiting for that sound from the moment he’d texted. She was so determined not to let him be her whole life but it was impossible. She hated him so much, wanted to want nothing to do with him but she knew she’d go to him time and time again whether he asked her to or not. Whether she met someone else or not.
She ran down the stairs, proud of herself for even having the restraint to not have been sat on them, or waiting downstairs. It was all a bit complicated - her feelings towards the house, but as far as she was concerned the only room she could really bear being in here was her bedroom, which might have accounted for how much time she spend at Malc’s crashpad. There she had a kitchen to use, and a TV. Generally speaking being there was just better even if it did tend to remind her of the fact he wasn’t.
She managed to pause for a moment before opening the door. She wasn’t sure how ready for any of this she was. Really she needed more time to get her head straight, but deep down she knew she would always choose him if he was an option.
There was a moment of self restraint when she opened the door to him, when she found enough self control not to react, not to smile or wrap her arms around him or anything like that. It had only been a day, not even that long really. It had been the middle of the night before that she’d left him. But this meant way too much. He’d come here, to her house, in the day, after an argument, a break up even. He’d swallowed his pride and now he was here. If she’d been in his position she wasn’t sure she’d have done the same. She looked up at him, standing there on her doorstep, still faintly broken, but she still kind of liked it. She wanted to look after him, to be the person he could depend on in any circumstance.
And then she reached for his hand, pulling him inside and kicking the door shut as she took him upstairs to her room, to her sanctuary. without a word.
“Talk then,” she said as she shut the door behind them.
“I’m an idiot,” he said. “I can’t lose you, but I can’t lose the job either, you know how important it is to me. But it won’t be, not forever. And it isn’t even my old job, I mean I think Julius thinks it’d look bad if he just brought me back, gave me back my old job after everything that’s gone on, and the whole fucking…crime stats fuck up, and obviously anything that makes him look bad makes the party look bad which is very much not part of my plan. So really at the moment I’m basically working normal hours. Actually I left at half four today, fuck knows why since I had nothing to come back to but…”
Grey frowned when he said that. “Yeah well, whose fault was that?” she asked.
“I didn’t mean it like that,” he sighed. “Look you have every fucking right in the world to be angry with me, to be defensive. I was trying to make a point, I got to leave, early! And it could be like that for a while.”
“For a while?” she repeated skeptically
.
“Well yeah, it probably won’t be permanent. Hopefully won’t be, but neither will the whole…thing. There will come a time when me leaving will be the right thing to do for the party.”
“And fuck me in the meantime, yeah?”
Malcolm tried very, very hard not to smile at her choice of words, but he’d never been much good at controlling his face sadly. “Well that’s very much what I’m hoping for, obviously,” he agreed.
“You know that’s not what I mean.” She turned away from him, her frown deepening as she realised how little room there was in here, something not helped by all the clothes and CDs all over the floor. She had nowhere to go, no way of walking away from him, not unless she did so very fucking awkwardly and didn’t mind only ending up a few feet away.
“Then no, not fuck you in the meantime,” he replied, having the good sense not to mention anything about the fact she was currently attempting to walk away from him in a very small and very cluttered room. “I don’t think for one fucking moment I deserve you waiting around for me, or putting up with any of the other shit I force you to put up with by being with me but…fuck Grey, maybe if you didn’t keep reminding me you loved me, that you’re the best fucking thing that’s ever happened to me I’d just give up on this whole fucking thing but…” he stepped forward, very carefully not stepping on any of her CDs, but it was impossible to avoid the clothes. Jesus. had the woman never heard of a fucking hanger?
“I fucking love you, okay?” he said behind her, not daring to reach out and touch her even though it was taking all his will power not to take her hand, not to slip his arm around her waist.
Grey exhaled deeply, refusing to turn around to face him despite how much she wanted to. His ability to turn her into such a fucking mess was really quite impressive, especially since no one else had ever had any effect on her even close to this.
Finally she turned her head to look at him over her shoulder.. He looked so fucking scared, so lost as he looked back at her. “I wish I’d never met you,” she told him.
“You and a thousand others, darling.”
She realised she was kissing him a bit too late to stop. So then she just gave up and turned so she could do it properly. So she could wrap her arms around his shoulders and thread her fingers through his hair and grab that fucking wonderful arse of his to get that little moan out of him. She loved him. Beyond all reason. Beyond all sanity. But she did. And she knew why. Fuck she was pretty sure she could write a dissertation about why she loved Malcolm and put up with everything she did, the thing was knowing all that didn’t always make it much easier, especially not when she was all alone at the work’s do, or going to bed alone night after night, and just generally living as if she wasn’t with anyone at all.
Only none of that actually seemed to matter right now. The only thing that mattered was that Malcolm had come to see her, not asked her to come to him, because she would have, they both knew she would have. And that they were currently kissing like horny teenagers, that his hands were in her hair and he kept making the most fucking sexy little sounds she’d ever heard.
“We really need to keep talking about this,” she said as she forced herself to break the kiss. She was still more or less clinging to him though, her body still pressed against his.
“Course,” he agreed breathlessly.
“But not right now, yeah? Cos if we do I’m pretty sure it’s gonna take all night and-” she cut herself off with a laugh. “I just really wanna fuck you, now you’re apparently back in full working order.” she admitted.
Malcolm tilted his hips a little more against hers, just in case she hadn’t worked out quite how into that idea he was already. “I think I’d be okay with that,” he agreed. “And you know that other thing…”
“Honestly? The shit you deal with on a daily basis I’m always kind of stunned when you can get it up,” she admitted with a bit of a laugh. “I love fucking you, Malc, like really fucking seriously, but it’s not actually the most important thing. It’s your mind I like, your mind I fucking fell in love with,”
Malcolm pulled away just enough to get a proper look at her, though he kept his arm around her waist. “There is something so deeply fucking wrong with you, darling,” he told her.
“Nah,” she said. “I guess I’m just into the whole passionate, principled Scot thing, and y’know you are pretty fucking hot, if I do say so myself.”
Grey’s alarm went off at 7.30am as it always did, reaching over to switch it off blindly she hit someone in the face instead.
“Fuck, sorry,” she muttered sleepily as she turned onto her side, opening her eyes and trying not to smile too widely, just in case he got the impression she liked him or something. “You’re still here,” she said pointlessly.
“Well by the time I woke up and thought about sneaking out I could already hear people downstairs, it’s purely so no one finds me here,” he lied.
“After last night I think they know you’re here.”
“Am I going to have to go and threaten all your housemates with unspeakable cruelty?” he asked, sounding a little too hopeful the answer was going to be yes.
“None of them are big enough pricks to sell stories to the papers even if they do know who you are, which honestly I don’t think they do. Spin Doctor’s only become famous like years after they’ve stopped running things, don’t they? Cos before that they make sure it doesn’t happen.”
“Well yeah but...I have just been all over the papers.”
“Threaten them if you want, actually i don’t even know why I’m trying to discourage you, a bit of the Malcolm F Tucker treatment might stop them stealing my cereal.”
“I can threaten them over cereal,” he agreed. “If you want me to. Although y’know if we’re doing this you could keep it at the crashpad again, if you want.”
“I guess I could do that, yeah,” she agreed.
“And maybe a few more of your things, since you obviously don’t have enough fucking space here for all your clothes, or empty bottles of vodka.”
“Been having a bit of a shit time of it recently,” she admitted. She probably should have tidied up more, but it wasn’t like it really mattered, was it? She’d managed not to turn his place into the tip her room was, she respected his space way more than hers.
“You and me both, darling,” he said, leaning in to kiss her quickly before pulling away. “I should really be getting going. Or you know at least getting out of bed, putting on clothes, all that boring stuff.”
“Or you could just pull a sickie,” she suggested.
“It’s my second day back!”
“Go in late?” She tried. “Fuck’s sake, Malc, all the extra time you’ve put in over the years you should have fucking decades worth of hours to cash in.”
“It really doesn’t work like that. Sorry. But listen I’ll be out by five, why don’t you come over after work? Get started on this whole spending time together thing, hey?”
“I don’t have to go to work today, took emergency leave. I’ll sort it all out today, ask them if I can just use some of my holiday days.”
“You took emergency leave?” he asked.
“I walked out in the middle of the fucking day, Malc. Personal emergency, It’s fine, they’re ridiculously reasonable people.”
“You walked out, to come and make sure I was okay?”
“Jesus, is there a fucking echo in here or something? Yes, I walked out, well I mean I told them I was going but…” she shrugged against the mattress “What was I gonna do? Carry on after seeing your fucking face all over the rolling news?” She shook her head. “So yeah, no work for me today. Maybe I’ll pack some stuff up, if you meant what you said last night.”
“Yeah, yeah I did,” he agreed. “I miss having your shit in my wardrobe, not knowing what half the stuff in the fucking bathroom’s for. So please, come and make my place a bit more lived in for fuck’s sake.” He sat up slightly taking in the state of her room again and glancing down at her. “Just not quite this lived in, okay? Seriously it’s like a fucking bombs gone off at a fucking A.A. jumble sale.”
“I managed to keep things tidy before, didn’t I?” She pointed out slightly indignant despite really not having any right to be.
“You hardly had any stuff there before.”
“Malc, I won’t mess your fucking place up, okay? I’ll hang shit up, and I’ll recycle bottles. Hell maybe I won’t even drink as much anymore.” The moment she realised what she’d said she tensed. He didn’t need to know she was only really drinking as much as she was because of him, did he? It wasn’t like she hadn’t liked a drink before, but...yeah all the waiting around, being stood up and the fucking break up, she’d definitely dealt with all of it by drinking, how else was she meant to deal with it? Talk to someone like an emotionally mature adult?
“Well I am planning on distracting you from that kind of thing,” he told her. He wasn’t going to acknowledge what it meant, it was far too early in the morning for that and he really needed to be getting going.
“Alcohol?”
“Alcohol, food, fucking breathing,” he said, turning onto his side, kissing her again.
“Sinister but oddly hot,” she commented as he pulled back.
“That’s me, darling.” He sat up again, stretching in the bed beside her. “I really do have to get out of bed though,” he said.
“That’s fine. The sooner you fuck off the sooner I can get back to sleep.”
“You never were a morning person, were you?” he asked as he reluctantly pushed himself out of bed, looking around to try and find his clothes amongst hers. “There’s a high chance I’ll be leaving here in your boxers, darling,” he said as he picked up a pair.
Grey opened one eye to look at him, standing there naked in her bedroom for the first time ever. She just wanted to reach out and grab him, pull him back into bed with her and quite possibly never let him out again. “It’s fine,” she said. “I’ve missed accidentally wearing your clothes. Plus the idea of you in Whitehall wearing my dirty underwear kind of turns me on,”
“It would, pervert,” he said as he pulled them on.
She shuffled closer to the edge of the bed, pulling her pillow further down and watching as Malcolm dressed. It was ridiculous how sexy he could look putting clothes on, and it wasn’t something she’d seen in over a year. Her hands fixed on his fingers, on the way he buttoned up his shirt and did up his tie all elegance and precision.
“You sure you can’t go in late,” she asked.
“Yeah, why?”
“Cos I’ve got a real urge to suck you off while you finger me,” she told him.
He considered it for a moment, before picking up his watch from the bedside table, checking the time. It was already gone eight. “How about we do that when I get in tonight?” He offered.
“Fine!” Grey sighed. “You just go off to work, leaving me here all horny and alone. Think of me, wanking over the thought of you while you’re on the Tube, yeah?”
“You know I don’t take the fucking Tube at this time, darling. Half an hour jammed into a fucking carriage with a load of sweaty fucking middle aged cunts in suits? I’ll call Tony, he shouldn’t be too far, I told him to keep close, just in case.”
“That was over twelve hours ago,” she pointed out.
“And?”
“If he’s been waiting around for more than twelve fucking hours, do you really think he’s safe to drive?”
“Truckers drive fucking forty eight hours straight! Relax, he’ll be fine. He wouldn’t dare get in a fucking accident with me in the car.”
Grey shook her head, it was pointless even trying.
He stepped closer, leaning over to kiss her goodbye. “So you’ll be at mine when I get back, yeah?”
“When am I not?”
When Grey woke up again it took her a moment to remember what had happened the night before, and when she’d first woken up for that matter. When she did she couldn’t stop herself from smiling. Malcolm had stayed, but more than that Malcolm had said he’d see her later, only not the one am kind of later, the perfectly reasonable kind. They were doing this, and it was all gonna be okay, because he had a different job now and he’d actually have time to spend with her. It was easier than normal to get out of bed. She’d honestly never thought they’d get to this point, really she’d kind of assumed her whole life was just going to be some fucked up mess of her constantly trying to leave Malcolm without ever really managing it. It wasn’t something she was happy about, and it was something she only ever acknowledged to herself when she was really fucking drunk, but still. She was meant to be with him, however much bollocks that involved. But apparently the bollocks was over, or much smaller at least. He’d even told her to bring some of her things over, like that made it official.
She wasn’t moving in with him, she reminded herself as she attempted to pack a few things to leave at the crashpad. Although she had always spent much more time at his than here. The thing was he was never there himself, he’d just roll in sometime after midnight and generally be gone by six. Now Malcolm was actually going to be there when she was. She was suddenly terrified. No, that was stupid, she’d worked with him for a year and they’d got on incredibly, and whatever time they had managed to spend together over the last couple of years had been amazing. Then of course there was the sex, Christ, even if the very worst happened and they ran out of things to say to each other there’d always be that, and honestly, part of her thought that might actually be enough - that sexual attraction she had for him. If never faded, even when she wanted to scream at him for being such a bastard. It’d be okay, fuck she hadn’t gone through all this for it not to be.
She hoped she hadn’t packed too much, the people of the tube certainly didn’t seem impressed with the size of her bag, but really, fuck them. She just hoped Malcolm wouldn’t suddenly backtrack once her things were in his wardrobe, his drawers. It had been so difficult to work out what to pack though, it wasn’t like there were ever going to be meals out or anything like that, she was still a secret after all and would be until he left politics if they were careful enough. She needed things for work though, and all the time she’d packed she’d told herself she wasn’t moving in with him, but fuck, she was, wasn’t she? All her decent clothes were in the bag she was having to constantly shift out of people’s way as she made her way towards Westminster. Why would she go back to that fucking shared house though? It was just better at Malcolm’s, easier and quieter and there was better food and alcohol and no arseholes stealing her food and hogging the TV and bathroom and everything else. She’d been living in Malcolm’s crashpad since they’d started seeing each other. He just hadn’t been there.
There was a lot more room when Grey transferred to the DLR, giving her chance to sit down and not stress so much about being surrounded by sweaty strangers glaring at her and pushing her about. It gave her chance to relax, to look out of the window at the huge TV screens as they passed through Canary Wharf. Grey had got into the habit of keeping an eye on the news wherever she was since she’d started going out with Malcolm, It was a good indicator of what kind of time he was likely to be getting in and what kind of a mood he’d be in when he did. Not that she had to keep an eye out here, it was more or less impossible to ignore the huge screens even if you didn’t give a shit about the FTSE or what was going on in the world.. Maybe she wouldn’t have to worry so much about all that now though. Still she found herself reading the headlines of the rolling news just as avidly as always, which was when she saw it, plasted in eight foot high letters. ‘Prime Minister calls for election.’
“Fuck!” she hissed.
“Fuck!” he barked, running his hand through his hair. He wasn’t one for grand gestures and neither was Grey, but he had to do something, didn’t he? Malcolm Tucker was not the kind of man that just gave up without a fight, so why the fuck had he just let her leave?
Grey was on the tube when her phone beeped and she couldn’t say she was exactly inclined to answer it. She wasn’t going to be happy whether the text was from Malcolm or not. She just couldn’t win. Story of her fucking life!
Do you want to know what you are to me? You’re the most important person in my fucking life. Which I know isn’t saying a lot but you are, ok? x
And yet
Okay so he probably deserved that. He didn’t treat her like the most important person in the world to him. Only actually he did. That was the truly pathetic thing. He saw her more than anyone he didn’t work with, but it wasn’t enough. All the things she’d said were true. They barely saw each other and really if he was any kind of decent man he’d just let her go, because it was what was best for her. He just hated it, coming back to the empty crashpad every night. He missed her, he really did.
We can’t leave it like this
Like what?
With us not fucking being together. You said it yourself it’s me or no one so why not have it be me, darling? Or am I not even better than nothing?
That’s not what I said. I said I wasn’t gonna stick around and watch you kill yourself and you’re gonna do that. It isn’t about the waiting around. Time really doesn’t mean that much to me.
I think you missed that part out actually, about me killing myself, But really I’m strong as a fucking ox, darling, .Can I come over? We need to talk. You’re right, I can’t leave the party. Not right now but…fuck Grey can we please talk about it?
Fine, come over. Just don’t be surprised if it goes really fucking badly and I end up hitting you, yeah?
“Suspect it’s the least I deserve. I’ll be there in a bit. What about your housemates?
They’ll be at work, depending on how long you stay we’ll work it out from there. No one’s ever been inclined to pay any interest in my personal life though, so I wouldn’t worry.
Malcolm took just a little while trying to weigh up his best options in terms of transport. Normally a tube would have been fine but he was feeling extra cautious since he’d been all over the papers and news and was heading to Camden, to Grey, if anyone did think to follow him it was only going to make things a fuck of a lot worse, and it wasn’t like he could just trust some London cabbie.
“Tony?” he said into his phone. “I need you to take me to Camden. I’m assuming you’re still my man, right? Cos if you aren’t, and you’re likely to double cross me you’d better just fucking refuse now before I’m forced to call my pal Jamie, okay?”
“I’ll be there in ten,” he agreed.
The wonder of Tony had always been that he didn’t ask questions. He’d been Malcolm’s official government payed driver for years but Malcolm had always tipped him well, just in case. When Grey had become a ‘thing’ in his life he’d been incredibly pleased he had. He’d put Grey in his car numerous times since she’d become an intern, and after that when they’d very occasionally got in the car together. Nothing had ever come out though. As far as Malcolm knew Tony was trustworthy. He really didn’t have anything to gain from fucking him over whereas he did have a kneecap or two to lose.
The journey was silent. Malcolm hadn’t even had to tell Tony where to go, he just knew, and better than that he knew not to ask anything.
When the car pulled up outside Grey’s shared house Malcolm handed over some money without even looking at it. “You’re on call,” he informed Tony “No more than five minutes away, you hear me?”
Tony gave a simple nod of the head then drove off again leaving Malcolm on his own to walk up the stairs and ring Grey’s doorbell.
Fuck! She wished she hadn’t just been sitting there waiting for that sound from the moment he’d texted. She was so determined not to let him be her whole life but it was impossible. She hated him so much, wanted to want nothing to do with him but she knew she’d go to him time and time again whether he asked her to or not. Whether she met someone else or not.
She ran down the stairs, proud of herself for even having the restraint to not have been sat on them, or waiting downstairs. It was all a bit complicated - her feelings towards the house, but as far as she was concerned the only room she could really bear being in here was her bedroom, which might have accounted for how much time she spend at Malc’s crashpad. There she had a kitchen to use, and a TV. Generally speaking being there was just better even if it did tend to remind her of the fact he wasn’t.
She managed to pause for a moment before opening the door. She wasn’t sure how ready for any of this she was. Really she needed more time to get her head straight, but deep down she knew she would always choose him if he was an option.
There was a moment of self restraint when she opened the door to him, when she found enough self control not to react, not to smile or wrap her arms around him or anything like that. It had only been a day, not even that long really. It had been the middle of the night before that she’d left him. But this meant way too much. He’d come here, to her house, in the day, after an argument, a break up even. He’d swallowed his pride and now he was here. If she’d been in his position she wasn’t sure she’d have done the same. She looked up at him, standing there on her doorstep, still faintly broken, but she still kind of liked it. She wanted to look after him, to be the person he could depend on in any circumstance.
And then she reached for his hand, pulling him inside and kicking the door shut as she took him upstairs to her room, to her sanctuary. without a word.
“Talk then,” she said as she shut the door behind them.
“I’m an idiot,” he said. “I can’t lose you, but I can’t lose the job either, you know how important it is to me. But it won’t be, not forever. And it isn’t even my old job, I mean I think Julius thinks it’d look bad if he just brought me back, gave me back my old job after everything that’s gone on, and the whole fucking…crime stats fuck up, and obviously anything that makes him look bad makes the party look bad which is very much not part of my plan. So really at the moment I’m basically working normal hours. Actually I left at half four today, fuck knows why since I had nothing to come back to but…”
Grey frowned when he said that. “Yeah well, whose fault was that?” she asked.
“I didn’t mean it like that,” he sighed. “Look you have every fucking right in the world to be angry with me, to be defensive. I was trying to make a point, I got to leave, early! And it could be like that for a while.”
“For a while?” she repeated skeptically
.
“Well yeah, it probably won’t be permanent. Hopefully won’t be, but neither will the whole…thing. There will come a time when me leaving will be the right thing to do for the party.”
“And fuck me in the meantime, yeah?”
Malcolm tried very, very hard not to smile at her choice of words, but he’d never been much good at controlling his face sadly. “Well that’s very much what I’m hoping for, obviously,” he agreed.
“You know that’s not what I mean.” She turned away from him, her frown deepening as she realised how little room there was in here, something not helped by all the clothes and CDs all over the floor. She had nowhere to go, no way of walking away from him, not unless she did so very fucking awkwardly and didn’t mind only ending up a few feet away.
“Then no, not fuck you in the meantime,” he replied, having the good sense not to mention anything about the fact she was currently attempting to walk away from him in a very small and very cluttered room. “I don’t think for one fucking moment I deserve you waiting around for me, or putting up with any of the other shit I force you to put up with by being with me but…fuck Grey, maybe if you didn’t keep reminding me you loved me, that you’re the best fucking thing that’s ever happened to me I’d just give up on this whole fucking thing but…” he stepped forward, very carefully not stepping on any of her CDs, but it was impossible to avoid the clothes. Jesus. had the woman never heard of a fucking hanger?
“I fucking love you, okay?” he said behind her, not daring to reach out and touch her even though it was taking all his will power not to take her hand, not to slip his arm around her waist.
Grey exhaled deeply, refusing to turn around to face him despite how much she wanted to. His ability to turn her into such a fucking mess was really quite impressive, especially since no one else had ever had any effect on her even close to this.
Finally she turned her head to look at him over her shoulder.. He looked so fucking scared, so lost as he looked back at her. “I wish I’d never met you,” she told him.
“You and a thousand others, darling.”
She realised she was kissing him a bit too late to stop. So then she just gave up and turned so she could do it properly. So she could wrap her arms around his shoulders and thread her fingers through his hair and grab that fucking wonderful arse of his to get that little moan out of him. She loved him. Beyond all reason. Beyond all sanity. But she did. And she knew why. Fuck she was pretty sure she could write a dissertation about why she loved Malcolm and put up with everything she did, the thing was knowing all that didn’t always make it much easier, especially not when she was all alone at the work’s do, or going to bed alone night after night, and just generally living as if she wasn’t with anyone at all.
Only none of that actually seemed to matter right now. The only thing that mattered was that Malcolm had come to see her, not asked her to come to him, because she would have, they both knew she would have. And that they were currently kissing like horny teenagers, that his hands were in her hair and he kept making the most fucking sexy little sounds she’d ever heard.
“We really need to keep talking about this,” she said as she forced herself to break the kiss. She was still more or less clinging to him though, her body still pressed against his.
“Course,” he agreed breathlessly.
“But not right now, yeah? Cos if we do I’m pretty sure it’s gonna take all night and-” she cut herself off with a laugh. “I just really wanna fuck you, now you’re apparently back in full working order.” she admitted.
Malcolm tilted his hips a little more against hers, just in case she hadn’t worked out quite how into that idea he was already. “I think I’d be okay with that,” he agreed. “And you know that other thing…”
“Honestly? The shit you deal with on a daily basis I’m always kind of stunned when you can get it up,” she admitted with a bit of a laugh. “I love fucking you, Malc, like really fucking seriously, but it’s not actually the most important thing. It’s your mind I like, your mind I fucking fell in love with,”
Malcolm pulled away just enough to get a proper look at her, though he kept his arm around her waist. “There is something so deeply fucking wrong with you, darling,” he told her.
“Nah,” she said. “I guess I’m just into the whole passionate, principled Scot thing, and y’know you are pretty fucking hot, if I do say so myself.”
Grey’s alarm went off at 7.30am as it always did, reaching over to switch it off blindly she hit someone in the face instead.
“Fuck, sorry,” she muttered sleepily as she turned onto her side, opening her eyes and trying not to smile too widely, just in case he got the impression she liked him or something. “You’re still here,” she said pointlessly.
“Well by the time I woke up and thought about sneaking out I could already hear people downstairs, it’s purely so no one finds me here,” he lied.
“After last night I think they know you’re here.”
“Am I going to have to go and threaten all your housemates with unspeakable cruelty?” he asked, sounding a little too hopeful the answer was going to be yes.
“None of them are big enough pricks to sell stories to the papers even if they do know who you are, which honestly I don’t think they do. Spin Doctor’s only become famous like years after they’ve stopped running things, don’t they? Cos before that they make sure it doesn’t happen.”
“Well yeah but...I have just been all over the papers.”
“Threaten them if you want, actually i don’t even know why I’m trying to discourage you, a bit of the Malcolm F Tucker treatment might stop them stealing my cereal.”
“I can threaten them over cereal,” he agreed. “If you want me to. Although y’know if we’re doing this you could keep it at the crashpad again, if you want.”
“I guess I could do that, yeah,” she agreed.
“And maybe a few more of your things, since you obviously don’t have enough fucking space here for all your clothes, or empty bottles of vodka.”
“Been having a bit of a shit time of it recently,” she admitted. She probably should have tidied up more, but it wasn’t like it really mattered, was it? She’d managed not to turn his place into the tip her room was, she respected his space way more than hers.
“You and me both, darling,” he said, leaning in to kiss her quickly before pulling away. “I should really be getting going. Or you know at least getting out of bed, putting on clothes, all that boring stuff.”
“Or you could just pull a sickie,” she suggested.
“It’s my second day back!”
“Go in late?” She tried. “Fuck’s sake, Malc, all the extra time you’ve put in over the years you should have fucking decades worth of hours to cash in.”
“It really doesn’t work like that. Sorry. But listen I’ll be out by five, why don’t you come over after work? Get started on this whole spending time together thing, hey?”
“I don’t have to go to work today, took emergency leave. I’ll sort it all out today, ask them if I can just use some of my holiday days.”
“You took emergency leave?” he asked.
“I walked out in the middle of the fucking day, Malc. Personal emergency, It’s fine, they’re ridiculously reasonable people.”
“You walked out, to come and make sure I was okay?”
“Jesus, is there a fucking echo in here or something? Yes, I walked out, well I mean I told them I was going but…” she shrugged against the mattress “What was I gonna do? Carry on after seeing your fucking face all over the rolling news?” She shook her head. “So yeah, no work for me today. Maybe I’ll pack some stuff up, if you meant what you said last night.”
“Yeah, yeah I did,” he agreed. “I miss having your shit in my wardrobe, not knowing what half the stuff in the fucking bathroom’s for. So please, come and make my place a bit more lived in for fuck’s sake.” He sat up slightly taking in the state of her room again and glancing down at her. “Just not quite this lived in, okay? Seriously it’s like a fucking bombs gone off at a fucking A.A. jumble sale.”
“I managed to keep things tidy before, didn’t I?” She pointed out slightly indignant despite really not having any right to be.
“You hardly had any stuff there before.”
“Malc, I won’t mess your fucking place up, okay? I’ll hang shit up, and I’ll recycle bottles. Hell maybe I won’t even drink as much anymore.” The moment she realised what she’d said she tensed. He didn’t need to know she was only really drinking as much as she was because of him, did he? It wasn’t like she hadn’t liked a drink before, but...yeah all the waiting around, being stood up and the fucking break up, she’d definitely dealt with all of it by drinking, how else was she meant to deal with it? Talk to someone like an emotionally mature adult?
“Well I am planning on distracting you from that kind of thing,” he told her. He wasn’t going to acknowledge what it meant, it was far too early in the morning for that and he really needed to be getting going.
“Alcohol?”
“Alcohol, food, fucking breathing,” he said, turning onto his side, kissing her again.
“Sinister but oddly hot,” she commented as he pulled back.
“That’s me, darling.” He sat up again, stretching in the bed beside her. “I really do have to get out of bed though,” he said.
“That’s fine. The sooner you fuck off the sooner I can get back to sleep.”
“You never were a morning person, were you?” he asked as he reluctantly pushed himself out of bed, looking around to try and find his clothes amongst hers. “There’s a high chance I’ll be leaving here in your boxers, darling,” he said as he picked up a pair.
Grey opened one eye to look at him, standing there naked in her bedroom for the first time ever. She just wanted to reach out and grab him, pull him back into bed with her and quite possibly never let him out again. “It’s fine,” she said. “I’ve missed accidentally wearing your clothes. Plus the idea of you in Whitehall wearing my dirty underwear kind of turns me on,”
“It would, pervert,” he said as he pulled them on.
She shuffled closer to the edge of the bed, pulling her pillow further down and watching as Malcolm dressed. It was ridiculous how sexy he could look putting clothes on, and it wasn’t something she’d seen in over a year. Her hands fixed on his fingers, on the way he buttoned up his shirt and did up his tie all elegance and precision.
“You sure you can’t go in late,” she asked.
“Yeah, why?”
“Cos I’ve got a real urge to suck you off while you finger me,” she told him.
He considered it for a moment, before picking up his watch from the bedside table, checking the time. It was already gone eight. “How about we do that when I get in tonight?” He offered.
“Fine!” Grey sighed. “You just go off to work, leaving me here all horny and alone. Think of me, wanking over the thought of you while you’re on the Tube, yeah?”
“You know I don’t take the fucking Tube at this time, darling. Half an hour jammed into a fucking carriage with a load of sweaty fucking middle aged cunts in suits? I’ll call Tony, he shouldn’t be too far, I told him to keep close, just in case.”
“That was over twelve hours ago,” she pointed out.
“And?”
“If he’s been waiting around for more than twelve fucking hours, do you really think he’s safe to drive?”
“Truckers drive fucking forty eight hours straight! Relax, he’ll be fine. He wouldn’t dare get in a fucking accident with me in the car.”
Grey shook her head, it was pointless even trying.
He stepped closer, leaning over to kiss her goodbye. “So you’ll be at mine when I get back, yeah?”
“When am I not?”
When Grey woke up again it took her a moment to remember what had happened the night before, and when she’d first woken up for that matter. When she did she couldn’t stop herself from smiling. Malcolm had stayed, but more than that Malcolm had said he’d see her later, only not the one am kind of later, the perfectly reasonable kind. They were doing this, and it was all gonna be okay, because he had a different job now and he’d actually have time to spend with her. It was easier than normal to get out of bed. She’d honestly never thought they’d get to this point, really she’d kind of assumed her whole life was just going to be some fucked up mess of her constantly trying to leave Malcolm without ever really managing it. It wasn’t something she was happy about, and it was something she only ever acknowledged to herself when she was really fucking drunk, but still. She was meant to be with him, however much bollocks that involved. But apparently the bollocks was over, or much smaller at least. He’d even told her to bring some of her things over, like that made it official.
She wasn’t moving in with him, she reminded herself as she attempted to pack a few things to leave at the crashpad. Although she had always spent much more time at his than here. The thing was he was never there himself, he’d just roll in sometime after midnight and generally be gone by six. Now Malcolm was actually going to be there when she was. She was suddenly terrified. No, that was stupid, she’d worked with him for a year and they’d got on incredibly, and whatever time they had managed to spend together over the last couple of years had been amazing. Then of course there was the sex, Christ, even if the very worst happened and they ran out of things to say to each other there’d always be that, and honestly, part of her thought that might actually be enough - that sexual attraction she had for him. If never faded, even when she wanted to scream at him for being such a bastard. It’d be okay, fuck she hadn’t gone through all this for it not to be.
She hoped she hadn’t packed too much, the people of the tube certainly didn’t seem impressed with the size of her bag, but really, fuck them. She just hoped Malcolm wouldn’t suddenly backtrack once her things were in his wardrobe, his drawers. It had been so difficult to work out what to pack though, it wasn’t like there were ever going to be meals out or anything like that, she was still a secret after all and would be until he left politics if they were careful enough. She needed things for work though, and all the time she’d packed she’d told herself she wasn’t moving in with him, but fuck, she was, wasn’t she? All her decent clothes were in the bag she was having to constantly shift out of people’s way as she made her way towards Westminster. Why would she go back to that fucking shared house though? It was just better at Malcolm’s, easier and quieter and there was better food and alcohol and no arseholes stealing her food and hogging the TV and bathroom and everything else. She’d been living in Malcolm’s crashpad since they’d started seeing each other. He just hadn’t been there.
There was a lot more room when Grey transferred to the DLR, giving her chance to sit down and not stress so much about being surrounded by sweaty strangers glaring at her and pushing her about. It gave her chance to relax, to look out of the window at the huge TV screens as they passed through Canary Wharf. Grey had got into the habit of keeping an eye on the news wherever she was since she’d started going out with Malcolm, It was a good indicator of what kind of time he was likely to be getting in and what kind of a mood he’d be in when he did. Not that she had to keep an eye out here, it was more or less impossible to ignore the huge screens even if you didn’t give a shit about the FTSE or what was going on in the world.. Maybe she wouldn’t have to worry so much about all that now though. Still she found herself reading the headlines of the rolling news just as avidly as always, which was when she saw it, plasted in eight foot high letters. ‘Prime Minister calls for election.’
“Fuck!” she hissed.