Jumping Hedges in the Afternoon - Part 1
The sight of Malcolm on the television screen at the end of the break room made Grey’s heart stop for a moment. He was rarely the subject of the headlines, he was too good at his job for that, but there he was part of the rolling news. She tried not to react as she focused on the image, reading the text that scrolled across the bottom revealing his resignation. For just a second she thought perhaps he’d quit the job for her, for them, but then she remembered that would never happen and if by some weird chance it would he’d have told her, warned her, not let her find out like this. There was something wrong, Really fucking wrong.
Not bothering to finish her coffee she went to grab her bag then stuck her head into her supervisor’s office.
“I need to go home,” she said, the words coming out quickly as she fought to hold it together. “Family emergency. Sorry.”
Her supervisor looked up from his computer, only half interested. “Yeah okay we’re not especially busy. Just remember you won’t get paid and the next really shit job’s yours.”
Fuck the money, fuck all of it. She’d pull an allnighter in the future if that was what it took. Fuck she’d take her P45 if it came to it. “Yeah, fine, whatever. Cheers,” she said, shutting the door behind her as she ran out of the office and towards the tube, making her way to Westminster.
She was about half way there when she realised she had no fucking idea what she was actually doing. She wanted to text Malcolm, She’d kept his number on her phone because she just couldn’t bear the thought of deleting it and she’d tried more times than she could count. The thing was she just couldn’t do it. Even if they weren’t together getting rid of him like that felt incredibly wrong. They’d always kept in contact over the year they hadn’t seen each other. They’d been friends, kind of, well they’d got on at least which was more than either of them did with a lot of people. The thought of not talking to him again was almost unthinkable. There was something else as well, of course - the horrible, niggling voice in the back of her head late at night that told her this couldn’t be it, that they couldn’t actually never be together again. As much as she wanted to move on, to find someone else something was stopping her. There was no one in the world like Malcolm Tucker, thank god, but he’d totally ruined her for anyone else. It was him or nothing now.
She made her way to the tree beside the entrance to the park closest to Downing Street, the one they tended to meet at like they were spies or something. The one he’d have to pass to get home, unless he got a car of course, but even then it would drive past and while she wasn’t sure he’d be looking out of the window considering everything that was happening, with luck he’d see her or she’d see him and wave and hope for the best.
She stood leaning back against it, her eyes moving between the road and the pavement. If he hadn’t already passed here she was going to see him, she was going to go to him, because even though she had no idea what was going on she was going to support him, because this wasn’t right she was sure of that. It was pretty much the only thing she was sure of. There was so many things running through her head as she waited.. She wanted a drink, an emergency cigarette, just something to stop her from freaking out, something to quiet her mind just a bit so she could hold it together. And then there he was, a face like thunder as he strode down the road towards her, so lost in his thoughts he didn’t see her until he’d almost passed her.
And then he stopped, a quick look around the immediate area before he moved back, standing in front of her. “You saw the news then?” he asked as if it hadn’t been months since he’d last spoken to or seen her.
“Tell me what to do, Malc,” she said. “Tell me where to go. How to get there.”
“You’re here,” he said somewhat pointlessly.
Grey dipped her head for just a moment before she looked up at him again. God she felt like such a fucking idiot, but it was too late now, wasn’t it? Like he’d said she was here. “Yeah well where the fuck else would I be?”
“Work, home, your new pretty little boyfriend’s house?”
Grey scoffed. “New boyfriend? You think you’re that easy to replace? You think I’d fucking want to replace you?” She shook her head, fighting the urge to touch him, to hold his hand, to grab him and pull him to her, to kiss him like her life depended on it. God why did he turn her into such a fucking wreck? “Tell me what to do, Malcolm,” she repeated.
“We’ll get the tube,” he said. “I’ll go first. I’ll wait on the platform, you’ll stay close, but you won’t acknowledge me, okay?”
“Fine, whatever you want. And on the other end? I’ve never seen your house, y’know? I don’t know the secret way in.” She was joking, kind of. It wasn’t as if she could just walk in through his front door after all, was it? Especially not today when he was fucking breaking news.
“You might have to hop a few hedges, darling,” he admitted. “Wait in the back garden until I let you in.”
“You’re not even joking, are you?”
“’Fraid not. Will you do it though?”
“Yeah, yeah course I will. Good job I’m wearing trousers, isn’t it?”
“You won’t have to wait long. Just need to fuck up the hacks on my way in.”
“Don’t get arrested for GBH, sweetheart, it’s not gonna do your image any good.”
“I’ll do my best,” he said as he turned away from her, back in the direction he’d been walking before he’d seen her.
The journey to Malcolm’s house had been much more stressful than Grey had imagined. The two of them standing opposite one another in the carriage, not making eye contact, pretending to be completely separate. She’d followed him a few people away on to another tube, noting the way he waited for her at the foot of the escalators before heading to the platform. It was nice the way he didn’t want to lose her despite the fact they were very carefully not being together. Nice, and completely unexpected actually, because this was dangerous, really bloody dangerous. If anyone worked it out things were only going to get worse for him.
He’d texted her the directions to get into his place round the back as they’d left the tube station and she’d followed him, something that was becoming more and more obvious the fewer people there were around as they headed into the residential area where he lived. It was all very nice - green and suburban, a million miles away from the dirt and noise of Camden she was used to. Even the part of Westminster where he had his crashpad seemed dingy in comparison.
She was probably going to get arrested, she realised. But with a bit of luck everyone would be out and any nannies would be too busy doing whatever the fuck it was nannies did when the kids were at school. And if she did get caught Malcolm had a good lawyer, didn’t he? Assuming for a moment Malcolm would be able to help her without getting his name involved. She sighed heavily. Whatever happened she was going to do it, so she had no idea why she was even bothering to worry about possibly being arrested. The sooner she stopped lurking the better really.
Grey was a little out of breath when she finally arrived in what she really hoped was Malcolm’s back garden. It was impossible to tell though, especially without peering through the window, which was only going to get her into even more trouble if this was the wrong house. She scoffed at the ridiculousness of this whole thing, at the ridiculousness of herself. Two months they’d been broken up, and the moment it looked like he might need her she’d been willing to climb over fucking hedges just to be there for him!
She’d been attempting to hide in his garden for about ten minutes when Malcolm opened the back door with a slight smile, pulling her towards him, wrapping his arms around her now they were finally alone together after so long. “You came back.”
“Yeah well it looked like you were trying to get my attention,” she joked, her head resting against his chest. ”Jesus Malc, a fucking text would’ve done. You didn’t have to go on national fucking television.” She tightened her hold on him, one hand gripping his shoulder. She wished she could just carry on like this, making a joke about the whole thing, it would’ve been easier, it would have been much more in keeping with their relationship and their personalities but this was serious. This was fucking huge. She swallowed hard and tried to find the right words, any words to actually ask the question. “What’s going on. Malc?” she managed.
“Steve fucking Fleming, the cunt’s wetter than you are when I’m knuckle deep inside you. It‘s all a fucking fix, pay back for me sacking him years ago. It‘s fine, I‘ll sort it out.”
“And in the meantime…” She raised her head to kiss him, intending it to be gentle and caring, but the moment her lips touched his she lost all self control, biting against his lips as she kissed him with all the passion she’d been holding in since she’d last seen him. She pulled back, breathless, and looked at him. It was painful seeing him again, especially in this situation, but there was a certain relief that came with it. She really hadn’t been doing so well without him, really this was inevitable- her coming back for whatever reason. “Are you okay?”
“I don’t know, does it matter?” he sighed.
“Of course it fucking matters!” She let go, stepping back to get a better look at him.
“You’re here, I’m fine.”
“Yeah cos I’m your priority, obviously,” she scoffed. “Yeah I’m here, and you can talk to me, you don’t have to pretend, Malc. Not with me.” God she fucking hated this, being the sort of person that said, and meant something like that. Being the person that had dropped everything without even thinking about it to be here for him when she hadn’t even heard from him in months
“Don’t be like that,” he said, running his hand through his hair. He was so fucking tired he realised out of nowhere. Was he always this tired? Did he just not notice because he was always so fucking busy? “Can we just…not get into all of that right now? It’s been months and I’ve fucking missed you, okay? We’ve got so much time to make up for, darling. And I could really use a fucking welcome distraction. Think you can do that for me? Be my distraction? We’ll talk about everything later, aye? Just please, not right now.”
“Okay.” She took his hand and squeezed it tightly. This wasn’t going to last, she knew that, but one night with him would always be better than none. That was the problem.
She led him up the stairs, pausing at the top as she realised she had no idea where his room was.
“This way,” he said quietly, taking over as he pulled her towards his bedroom, shutting the door behind them, leaning back tiredly against it. She could see he was struggling to keep it together. He looked completely lost, smaller than she’d ever seen him and his eyes were rimmed red. It almost hurt to look at him. Her Malcolm. He didn’t deserve this.
“I give it three days before they’re begging you to come back,” she murmured. It was true. The party couldn’t survive without him, all those hours he put in. They’d realise just how indispensable he was with him gone and then everything would go back to the way it had been before.
He smiled slightly. Perhaps she was right, but surely this was what she wanted? Him out of the front line of politics, because without that there was nothing stopping them being together properly, publicly. “I thought you’d be happy.”
Grey stared at him, incredulous. “You thought…” she couldn’t even finish her sentence. “You really are an idiot, aren’t you, Malc? Fucking look at you! How selfish do you think I am?”
“This is what you wanted though, isn’t it?” he asked. “Me, leaving the party.”
“Of your own free will, not you being forced out! Not you like this! Fuck’s sake, Malcolm!” She shook her head. “At the risk of sounding like a total fucking cunt here I just want you to be happy and safe and not fucking…screwed over like this by something you’ve given your whole fucking life to! And actually no you out of the party wasn’t what I wanted. What I wanted was to see you, like in daylight. Christ,. not even restaurants cos we both know I don’t have the self restraint to not try and feel you up or encourage you to shag me in the toilets. I wanted nights in with you. I was just tired of going to bed and waking up without you, I didn’t want you to quit your fucking job for me!”
“Could you do me a really massive favour and stop shouting at me?” he asked, all the usual fire and anger gone from his voice. Now he just sounded broken, tired.
Grey couldn’t stand it. She wanted him to shout back, to stand up for himself even if he didn’t have a leg to stand on.“Malcolm.” There was so much pain in her voice he could hardly bear it. She reached up to touch his face far too gently, too careful, like she was afraid he might break or something, which was how he felt, he just wished she didn’t seem so fucking aware of that fact.
“Take me to bed, darling,” he said tiredly, his head dipped to look at her as his arms wound around her waist. “I just need to not think about anything, just for a while.” He closed his eyes and exhaled slowly before opening them again. “I know you’re still angry with me, and you have every right to be, but I’ve missed you,” he said again. “So can we just ignore all that, just for now?” She was the only thing he had other than his job, the only relief but it was so much more than that. She understood him, accepted him. Fuck she loved him and he loved her, so why was this whole thing so fucking difficult?
Grey pulled him away from the door towards his bed, her eyes on him the whole time. It was still light out. This wasn’t them spending the night tonight but she had no intention of getting out of bed and Malcolm really didn’t look in any fit state to do so. As far as she was concerned this was it - they were going to bed in the middle of the afternoon and they weren’t getting up until tomorrow.
She hated how much she wanted him as she stopped at the edge of his bed to loosen his tie, leaning in to kiss his neck, one hand in his hair. She didn’t know what she was supposed to do, how she was supposed to do all this. What he wanted. All she could think about was how much she’d missed him and how much she wanted to remember every tiny little detail about him again. She wanted to savour him. to commit it all to memory, because this wasn’t going to last, but fuck as long as he was here that was all that mattered and she was going to make the most of it while she could. She closed her eyes and tried to pull herself together. She had to do that too much with him she realised, but it had been months and the scent of him, the heat of his body was so real there was a tiny part of her that wanted to cry with relief.
Her hands moved to the buttons of his shirt, her lips still against his neck as she undid them. The way she saw it as long as her lips were pressed against his skin she couldn’t say anything fucking stupid, and she wanted to. She wanted to tell him how much she’d missed him, how crazy she’d been going without him, how he’d ruined her for other men but she really wanted to keep some kind of dignity even now.
Pushing his shirt off she finally looked him in the eye. He still looked so fragile. She really didn’t know what to do, beyond fuck him, but she knew he needed more than that, she just wasn’t sure she could give it to him.
He didn’t have the greatest body in the world, actually she was pretty sure he’d lost even more weight since she’d last seen him. It was still impossible for her to keep her hands to herself though. There was an objective part of her brain that knew his body was nothing impressive, it was just that it was completely and totally overruled by the part that reminded her it was Malcolm- Malcolm who was the most amazing man she’d ever met and how she wanted him more than anything, now more than ever, because it had been far too long since she’d been alone with him, since she’d been able to touch or kiss him and right now she just wanted to do anything and everything to him all at once. Her fingers curled against his skin, scratching lightly as she leant in to kiss his neck again moving back towards his bed and climbing onto it until she was kneeling in front of him.
Malcolm reached down for the hem of Grey’s top pulling it up and off as he cast it aside, pausing to look at her. Sometimes he imagined she was carved out of marble she was so pale and flawless, though that wasn’t quite all it was. She was oddly statuesque, slim but muscular and those tiny little tits of hers…and she was always so hard, so firm, like her flesh always somehow resisted his touch.
His hands moved firmly against her sides, upwards until they reached her breasts, cupping them as he looked at her kneeling in front of him, mouth slightly open, eyelids heavy. Fuck how he’d missed her like this, and it wasn’t even how she’d been the last time they’d been together. No it had been much longer since he’d had her like this, wide awake and eager for him. Nothing in the world could have been worse for him right now but with Grey looking like that it seemed easy enough to forget for now.
“Bed,” she said breathlessly, reaching down to the fastenings of her trousers, kissing him forcefully for only a moment before she moved away, wriggling out of them and her boxers in one go, throwing them aside as she pulled back the duvet and got into his bed, pulling back the other side in invitation.
He wasted no time in getting rid of his own trousers, slipping in beside her and winding his arms around her warm body, rolling against her so they were side by side.
“Grey,” he breathed, pulling her more tightly against him.
She shifted back just enough to look at his face as she ran her hand over his shoulder, to his neck, until she stopped with it in his hair. “Malc.” She smiled shakily, still fighting to keep it together. There was a reason Grey tended to turn to alcohol rather than deal with her feelings head on, and right now she was genuinely terrified she might just burst into tears if she wasn’t very, very careful.
“You have no fucking idea how happy I was to see you waiting for me,” he said. “If you weren’t here-”
She leant in, pressing her lips against his before he could say something that might just tip her over the edge. She’d told him he could talk to her, and she’d meant it. The thing was now she realised it wasn’t Malcolm keeping everything to himself that was the main problem, it was her complete inability to be able to deal with any of it when it really came down to it. She was just as fragile as he was right now. Just the thought of him here, alone made her feel ill.
“But I am,” she pointed out, as she broke the kiss. “Honestly, Malc, do you seriously think I could see you on the news like that and just carry on with my day?”
“I don’t fucking know, do I? I’ve never had any clue what goes on in that fucking head of yours.”
What went on in her head revolved around him way too much, but admitting that didn’t seem like it’d help either of them. “You have no fucking clue how much I love you, do you?” she asked.
Malcolm very nearly managed a smile. “Think I might be starting to work it out a little bit,” he admitted. “But if you’d like to start showing me anytime soon that’d be much appreciated “
Hooking her leg over his hip she pulled him against her, pressing herself against him, molding her body against his so they were flush against each other before she kissed him again, just as passionately as she had done before, rubbing herself against him, unable to stop herself. Only nothing was happening. It had been two months since they’d been in bed together and nothing was going on. Fuck. And it wasn’t like she could say anything, was it? What could she say? ‘Why aren’t you hard?’ She could guess why he wasn’t hard, she wasn’t an idiot. She didn’t want to draw attention to it, it wasn’t like Malcolm wouldn’t know he didn’t have a hard on, was it? So how would that help?
Slowly she pulled back just a little. “Actually, I think maybe you should try and get some sleep,” she said. “We can fuck when you wake up, when you don’t look like you’re ready to fucking drop, yeah?”
Not bothering to finish her coffee she went to grab her bag then stuck her head into her supervisor’s office.
“I need to go home,” she said, the words coming out quickly as she fought to hold it together. “Family emergency. Sorry.”
Her supervisor looked up from his computer, only half interested. “Yeah okay we’re not especially busy. Just remember you won’t get paid and the next really shit job’s yours.”
Fuck the money, fuck all of it. She’d pull an allnighter in the future if that was what it took. Fuck she’d take her P45 if it came to it. “Yeah, fine, whatever. Cheers,” she said, shutting the door behind her as she ran out of the office and towards the tube, making her way to Westminster.
She was about half way there when she realised she had no fucking idea what she was actually doing. She wanted to text Malcolm, She’d kept his number on her phone because she just couldn’t bear the thought of deleting it and she’d tried more times than she could count. The thing was she just couldn’t do it. Even if they weren’t together getting rid of him like that felt incredibly wrong. They’d always kept in contact over the year they hadn’t seen each other. They’d been friends, kind of, well they’d got on at least which was more than either of them did with a lot of people. The thought of not talking to him again was almost unthinkable. There was something else as well, of course - the horrible, niggling voice in the back of her head late at night that told her this couldn’t be it, that they couldn’t actually never be together again. As much as she wanted to move on, to find someone else something was stopping her. There was no one in the world like Malcolm Tucker, thank god, but he’d totally ruined her for anyone else. It was him or nothing now.
She made her way to the tree beside the entrance to the park closest to Downing Street, the one they tended to meet at like they were spies or something. The one he’d have to pass to get home, unless he got a car of course, but even then it would drive past and while she wasn’t sure he’d be looking out of the window considering everything that was happening, with luck he’d see her or she’d see him and wave and hope for the best.
She stood leaning back against it, her eyes moving between the road and the pavement. If he hadn’t already passed here she was going to see him, she was going to go to him, because even though she had no idea what was going on she was going to support him, because this wasn’t right she was sure of that. It was pretty much the only thing she was sure of. There was so many things running through her head as she waited.. She wanted a drink, an emergency cigarette, just something to stop her from freaking out, something to quiet her mind just a bit so she could hold it together. And then there he was, a face like thunder as he strode down the road towards her, so lost in his thoughts he didn’t see her until he’d almost passed her.
And then he stopped, a quick look around the immediate area before he moved back, standing in front of her. “You saw the news then?” he asked as if it hadn’t been months since he’d last spoken to or seen her.
“Tell me what to do, Malc,” she said. “Tell me where to go. How to get there.”
“You’re here,” he said somewhat pointlessly.
Grey dipped her head for just a moment before she looked up at him again. God she felt like such a fucking idiot, but it was too late now, wasn’t it? Like he’d said she was here. “Yeah well where the fuck else would I be?”
“Work, home, your new pretty little boyfriend’s house?”
Grey scoffed. “New boyfriend? You think you’re that easy to replace? You think I’d fucking want to replace you?” She shook her head, fighting the urge to touch him, to hold his hand, to grab him and pull him to her, to kiss him like her life depended on it. God why did he turn her into such a fucking wreck? “Tell me what to do, Malcolm,” she repeated.
“We’ll get the tube,” he said. “I’ll go first. I’ll wait on the platform, you’ll stay close, but you won’t acknowledge me, okay?”
“Fine, whatever you want. And on the other end? I’ve never seen your house, y’know? I don’t know the secret way in.” She was joking, kind of. It wasn’t as if she could just walk in through his front door after all, was it? Especially not today when he was fucking breaking news.
“You might have to hop a few hedges, darling,” he admitted. “Wait in the back garden until I let you in.”
“You’re not even joking, are you?”
“’Fraid not. Will you do it though?”
“Yeah, yeah course I will. Good job I’m wearing trousers, isn’t it?”
“You won’t have to wait long. Just need to fuck up the hacks on my way in.”
“Don’t get arrested for GBH, sweetheart, it’s not gonna do your image any good.”
“I’ll do my best,” he said as he turned away from her, back in the direction he’d been walking before he’d seen her.
The journey to Malcolm’s house had been much more stressful than Grey had imagined. The two of them standing opposite one another in the carriage, not making eye contact, pretending to be completely separate. She’d followed him a few people away on to another tube, noting the way he waited for her at the foot of the escalators before heading to the platform. It was nice the way he didn’t want to lose her despite the fact they were very carefully not being together. Nice, and completely unexpected actually, because this was dangerous, really bloody dangerous. If anyone worked it out things were only going to get worse for him.
He’d texted her the directions to get into his place round the back as they’d left the tube station and she’d followed him, something that was becoming more and more obvious the fewer people there were around as they headed into the residential area where he lived. It was all very nice - green and suburban, a million miles away from the dirt and noise of Camden she was used to. Even the part of Westminster where he had his crashpad seemed dingy in comparison.
She was probably going to get arrested, she realised. But with a bit of luck everyone would be out and any nannies would be too busy doing whatever the fuck it was nannies did when the kids were at school. And if she did get caught Malcolm had a good lawyer, didn’t he? Assuming for a moment Malcolm would be able to help her without getting his name involved. She sighed heavily. Whatever happened she was going to do it, so she had no idea why she was even bothering to worry about possibly being arrested. The sooner she stopped lurking the better really.
Grey was a little out of breath when she finally arrived in what she really hoped was Malcolm’s back garden. It was impossible to tell though, especially without peering through the window, which was only going to get her into even more trouble if this was the wrong house. She scoffed at the ridiculousness of this whole thing, at the ridiculousness of herself. Two months they’d been broken up, and the moment it looked like he might need her she’d been willing to climb over fucking hedges just to be there for him!
She’d been attempting to hide in his garden for about ten minutes when Malcolm opened the back door with a slight smile, pulling her towards him, wrapping his arms around her now they were finally alone together after so long. “You came back.”
“Yeah well it looked like you were trying to get my attention,” she joked, her head resting against his chest. ”Jesus Malc, a fucking text would’ve done. You didn’t have to go on national fucking television.” She tightened her hold on him, one hand gripping his shoulder. She wished she could just carry on like this, making a joke about the whole thing, it would’ve been easier, it would have been much more in keeping with their relationship and their personalities but this was serious. This was fucking huge. She swallowed hard and tried to find the right words, any words to actually ask the question. “What’s going on. Malc?” she managed.
“Steve fucking Fleming, the cunt’s wetter than you are when I’m knuckle deep inside you. It‘s all a fucking fix, pay back for me sacking him years ago. It‘s fine, I‘ll sort it out.”
“And in the meantime…” She raised her head to kiss him, intending it to be gentle and caring, but the moment her lips touched his she lost all self control, biting against his lips as she kissed him with all the passion she’d been holding in since she’d last seen him. She pulled back, breathless, and looked at him. It was painful seeing him again, especially in this situation, but there was a certain relief that came with it. She really hadn’t been doing so well without him, really this was inevitable- her coming back for whatever reason. “Are you okay?”
“I don’t know, does it matter?” he sighed.
“Of course it fucking matters!” She let go, stepping back to get a better look at him.
“You’re here, I’m fine.”
“Yeah cos I’m your priority, obviously,” she scoffed. “Yeah I’m here, and you can talk to me, you don’t have to pretend, Malc. Not with me.” God she fucking hated this, being the sort of person that said, and meant something like that. Being the person that had dropped everything without even thinking about it to be here for him when she hadn’t even heard from him in months
“Don’t be like that,” he said, running his hand through his hair. He was so fucking tired he realised out of nowhere. Was he always this tired? Did he just not notice because he was always so fucking busy? “Can we just…not get into all of that right now? It’s been months and I’ve fucking missed you, okay? We’ve got so much time to make up for, darling. And I could really use a fucking welcome distraction. Think you can do that for me? Be my distraction? We’ll talk about everything later, aye? Just please, not right now.”
“Okay.” She took his hand and squeezed it tightly. This wasn’t going to last, she knew that, but one night with him would always be better than none. That was the problem.
She led him up the stairs, pausing at the top as she realised she had no idea where his room was.
“This way,” he said quietly, taking over as he pulled her towards his bedroom, shutting the door behind them, leaning back tiredly against it. She could see he was struggling to keep it together. He looked completely lost, smaller than she’d ever seen him and his eyes were rimmed red. It almost hurt to look at him. Her Malcolm. He didn’t deserve this.
“I give it three days before they’re begging you to come back,” she murmured. It was true. The party couldn’t survive without him, all those hours he put in. They’d realise just how indispensable he was with him gone and then everything would go back to the way it had been before.
He smiled slightly. Perhaps she was right, but surely this was what she wanted? Him out of the front line of politics, because without that there was nothing stopping them being together properly, publicly. “I thought you’d be happy.”
Grey stared at him, incredulous. “You thought…” she couldn’t even finish her sentence. “You really are an idiot, aren’t you, Malc? Fucking look at you! How selfish do you think I am?”
“This is what you wanted though, isn’t it?” he asked. “Me, leaving the party.”
“Of your own free will, not you being forced out! Not you like this! Fuck’s sake, Malcolm!” She shook her head. “At the risk of sounding like a total fucking cunt here I just want you to be happy and safe and not fucking…screwed over like this by something you’ve given your whole fucking life to! And actually no you out of the party wasn’t what I wanted. What I wanted was to see you, like in daylight. Christ,. not even restaurants cos we both know I don’t have the self restraint to not try and feel you up or encourage you to shag me in the toilets. I wanted nights in with you. I was just tired of going to bed and waking up without you, I didn’t want you to quit your fucking job for me!”
“Could you do me a really massive favour and stop shouting at me?” he asked, all the usual fire and anger gone from his voice. Now he just sounded broken, tired.
Grey couldn’t stand it. She wanted him to shout back, to stand up for himself even if he didn’t have a leg to stand on.“Malcolm.” There was so much pain in her voice he could hardly bear it. She reached up to touch his face far too gently, too careful, like she was afraid he might break or something, which was how he felt, he just wished she didn’t seem so fucking aware of that fact.
“Take me to bed, darling,” he said tiredly, his head dipped to look at her as his arms wound around her waist. “I just need to not think about anything, just for a while.” He closed his eyes and exhaled slowly before opening them again. “I know you’re still angry with me, and you have every right to be, but I’ve missed you,” he said again. “So can we just ignore all that, just for now?” She was the only thing he had other than his job, the only relief but it was so much more than that. She understood him, accepted him. Fuck she loved him and he loved her, so why was this whole thing so fucking difficult?
Grey pulled him away from the door towards his bed, her eyes on him the whole time. It was still light out. This wasn’t them spending the night tonight but she had no intention of getting out of bed and Malcolm really didn’t look in any fit state to do so. As far as she was concerned this was it - they were going to bed in the middle of the afternoon and they weren’t getting up until tomorrow.
She hated how much she wanted him as she stopped at the edge of his bed to loosen his tie, leaning in to kiss his neck, one hand in his hair. She didn’t know what she was supposed to do, how she was supposed to do all this. What he wanted. All she could think about was how much she’d missed him and how much she wanted to remember every tiny little detail about him again. She wanted to savour him. to commit it all to memory, because this wasn’t going to last, but fuck as long as he was here that was all that mattered and she was going to make the most of it while she could. She closed her eyes and tried to pull herself together. She had to do that too much with him she realised, but it had been months and the scent of him, the heat of his body was so real there was a tiny part of her that wanted to cry with relief.
Her hands moved to the buttons of his shirt, her lips still against his neck as she undid them. The way she saw it as long as her lips were pressed against his skin she couldn’t say anything fucking stupid, and she wanted to. She wanted to tell him how much she’d missed him, how crazy she’d been going without him, how he’d ruined her for other men but she really wanted to keep some kind of dignity even now.
Pushing his shirt off she finally looked him in the eye. He still looked so fragile. She really didn’t know what to do, beyond fuck him, but she knew he needed more than that, she just wasn’t sure she could give it to him.
He didn’t have the greatest body in the world, actually she was pretty sure he’d lost even more weight since she’d last seen him. It was still impossible for her to keep her hands to herself though. There was an objective part of her brain that knew his body was nothing impressive, it was just that it was completely and totally overruled by the part that reminded her it was Malcolm- Malcolm who was the most amazing man she’d ever met and how she wanted him more than anything, now more than ever, because it had been far too long since she’d been alone with him, since she’d been able to touch or kiss him and right now she just wanted to do anything and everything to him all at once. Her fingers curled against his skin, scratching lightly as she leant in to kiss his neck again moving back towards his bed and climbing onto it until she was kneeling in front of him.
Malcolm reached down for the hem of Grey’s top pulling it up and off as he cast it aside, pausing to look at her. Sometimes he imagined she was carved out of marble she was so pale and flawless, though that wasn’t quite all it was. She was oddly statuesque, slim but muscular and those tiny little tits of hers…and she was always so hard, so firm, like her flesh always somehow resisted his touch.
His hands moved firmly against her sides, upwards until they reached her breasts, cupping them as he looked at her kneeling in front of him, mouth slightly open, eyelids heavy. Fuck how he’d missed her like this, and it wasn’t even how she’d been the last time they’d been together. No it had been much longer since he’d had her like this, wide awake and eager for him. Nothing in the world could have been worse for him right now but with Grey looking like that it seemed easy enough to forget for now.
“Bed,” she said breathlessly, reaching down to the fastenings of her trousers, kissing him forcefully for only a moment before she moved away, wriggling out of them and her boxers in one go, throwing them aside as she pulled back the duvet and got into his bed, pulling back the other side in invitation.
He wasted no time in getting rid of his own trousers, slipping in beside her and winding his arms around her warm body, rolling against her so they were side by side.
“Grey,” he breathed, pulling her more tightly against him.
She shifted back just enough to look at his face as she ran her hand over his shoulder, to his neck, until she stopped with it in his hair. “Malc.” She smiled shakily, still fighting to keep it together. There was a reason Grey tended to turn to alcohol rather than deal with her feelings head on, and right now she was genuinely terrified she might just burst into tears if she wasn’t very, very careful.
“You have no fucking idea how happy I was to see you waiting for me,” he said. “If you weren’t here-”
She leant in, pressing her lips against his before he could say something that might just tip her over the edge. She’d told him he could talk to her, and she’d meant it. The thing was now she realised it wasn’t Malcolm keeping everything to himself that was the main problem, it was her complete inability to be able to deal with any of it when it really came down to it. She was just as fragile as he was right now. Just the thought of him here, alone made her feel ill.
“But I am,” she pointed out, as she broke the kiss. “Honestly, Malc, do you seriously think I could see you on the news like that and just carry on with my day?”
“I don’t fucking know, do I? I’ve never had any clue what goes on in that fucking head of yours.”
What went on in her head revolved around him way too much, but admitting that didn’t seem like it’d help either of them. “You have no fucking clue how much I love you, do you?” she asked.
Malcolm very nearly managed a smile. “Think I might be starting to work it out a little bit,” he admitted. “But if you’d like to start showing me anytime soon that’d be much appreciated “
Hooking her leg over his hip she pulled him against her, pressing herself against him, molding her body against his so they were flush against each other before she kissed him again, just as passionately as she had done before, rubbing herself against him, unable to stop herself. Only nothing was happening. It had been two months since they’d been in bed together and nothing was going on. Fuck. And it wasn’t like she could say anything, was it? What could she say? ‘Why aren’t you hard?’ She could guess why he wasn’t hard, she wasn’t an idiot. She didn’t want to draw attention to it, it wasn’t like Malcolm wouldn’t know he didn’t have a hard on, was it? So how would that help?
Slowly she pulled back just a little. “Actually, I think maybe you should try and get some sleep,” she said. “We can fuck when you wake up, when you don’t look like you’re ready to fucking drop, yeah?”