"Fantasy Lost" (CSI, Catherine/Warrick.)
Title: Fantasy Lost.
Fandom: CSI.
Pairing: Catherine/Warrick.
Rating: U.
Prompt: fanfic100's #3 - ends (& writer's choice #120 - fight).
Word Count: 1,000 words.
Author's Notes: Spoilers for season six.
*
"You know, the thing that makes a fantasy great is the possibility that it might come true. And when you… lose that possibility, it just, kind of… sucks."
When he holds up his hand, you see the band of gold on his ring finger and you can't breathe. You feel betrayed, hurt and full of disbelief. It only lasts a split-second but for that second the ring is all you can see, and your blood seems to turn to ice as something twists painfully in your chest. You hope and pray that your first assumption is wrong and that the ring doesn't really mean what you think it does, what it appears it does, but he confirms it sheepishly when you ask and the world ends, as your secret hopes and dreams crash down around you.
You work the case half in a daze, both glad and not-glad that he seems to be avoiding you, because you're still trying to process how the hell this could have happened. Secretly (the thought kept buried deep in the back of your mind) you always assumed that the two of you would get together eventually, that something would happen to break through the barriers between you and you'd get your fairytale ending. But now your prince is married, and it makes you want to cry; your throat feels tight and it's hard to swallow past the lump that's taken up residence there. Unshed tears sting at your eyes, making your breath catch as your stomach clenches in pain.
You've lost him without ever really having him, because you played games for too long and feared losing what you had too much to take a chance on something more, and you don't know how to handle that. You hate yourself for not being braver, and you hate him for not waiting longer, for not waiting for you, even though you never gave him hope that you'd change your mind or give up your excuses. It isn't fair to him to be angry but you are, though you don't let it show, and you're hurt, even though you don't really have the right to be.
*
"You know, the thing that makes a fantasy great is the possibility that it might come true. And when you… lose that possibility, it just, kind of… sucks."
He's always been your fantasy, the one you dream about when you close your eyes at night, alone in a bed that's too big and too cold for just you. You always thought fantasy would turn into reality, but now that hope is shattered and it hurts, so much, to know it as truth.
Even if it makes you a terrible friend, you couldn't celebrate it with him today, excusing yourself using Lindsey and fleeing before anyone said anything else. You took her to school and then came home to cry yourself to sleep, mourning the loss of something you never really tried to fight for, wishing things were different.
In his eyes you thought you saw doubt and sorrow, though whether it's over hurting you or marrying her, you're not entirely sure. You want to grab him and shake him and insist he divorce her immediately; but, even now, you're still a little scared to take that step because this loss, him to her, is bad enough, and you respect marriage even if your own ended badly. He does too, so you're pretty sure there's no way out of this, unless their marriage fails.
It makes you a horrible person if you hope that it does, and if it's what he really wants you'll have to accept that, but you'll hope quietly anyway because this, the two of you having no future, just feels wrong to you.
You have two hours before your next shift starts and you're still not ready to face him, to act like everything's fine, though when the time comes you will because you'll have no other choice. Hopefully you'll work separate cases for a few days until you get used to the idea of Warrick having a wife, then things can settle to a new normal. It'll never be the same but it's still you and Warrick, and you have to have faith that you'll work it out; he's your best friend, and you need him.
You wonder what she's like, what she looks like and what she does. You wonder if you'll like her, assuming you ever meet her, and whether or not she's suited to Warrick. You barely heard of her when he was dating her and it unsettles you not to know anything at all. Whoever she is and whatever she looks like, you're pretty sure she isn't an older divorcee with a near-teenage child. She's probably younger than Warrick and minus the baggage you have, the baggage you've never felt it fair to drop on his shoulders.
Your head thuds back against the couch and you close your eyes in pain. You don't want to dwell on his new wife, or whether she's better for him than you are. You don't want to think of Warrick having a wife at all, really, so you conjure up memories of happier times instead, until even that makes you sad.
Work is going to be hell tonight and, for just a moment, you're tempted to call in sick, to avoid the entire situation till tomorrow. You don't usually run away from things but Warrick affects you more than anyone and this has shaken your world up in a way you didn't expect. You've been lying to yourself, all those nights you told yourself you were content to just be friends, and you've never been more aware of it than you are right now.
You get up to make coffee, pushing thoughts of him out of your mind. You're strong, independent and you were never going to let yourself have him anyway.
Really, you weren't.
So you can deal with this. You will deal with this.
Fandom: CSI.
Pairing: Catherine/Warrick.
Rating: U.
Prompt: fanfic100's #3 - ends (& writer's choice #120 - fight).
Word Count: 1,000 words.
Author's Notes: Spoilers for season six.
*
"You know, the thing that makes a fantasy great is the possibility that it might come true. And when you… lose that possibility, it just, kind of… sucks."
When he holds up his hand, you see the band of gold on his ring finger and you can't breathe. You feel betrayed, hurt and full of disbelief. It only lasts a split-second but for that second the ring is all you can see, and your blood seems to turn to ice as something twists painfully in your chest. You hope and pray that your first assumption is wrong and that the ring doesn't really mean what you think it does, what it appears it does, but he confirms it sheepishly when you ask and the world ends, as your secret hopes and dreams crash down around you.
You work the case half in a daze, both glad and not-glad that he seems to be avoiding you, because you're still trying to process how the hell this could have happened. Secretly (the thought kept buried deep in the back of your mind) you always assumed that the two of you would get together eventually, that something would happen to break through the barriers between you and you'd get your fairytale ending. But now your prince is married, and it makes you want to cry; your throat feels tight and it's hard to swallow past the lump that's taken up residence there. Unshed tears sting at your eyes, making your breath catch as your stomach clenches in pain.
You've lost him without ever really having him, because you played games for too long and feared losing what you had too much to take a chance on something more, and you don't know how to handle that. You hate yourself for not being braver, and you hate him for not waiting longer, for not waiting for you, even though you never gave him hope that you'd change your mind or give up your excuses. It isn't fair to him to be angry but you are, though you don't let it show, and you're hurt, even though you don't really have the right to be.
*
"You know, the thing that makes a fantasy great is the possibility that it might come true. And when you… lose that possibility, it just, kind of… sucks."
He's always been your fantasy, the one you dream about when you close your eyes at night, alone in a bed that's too big and too cold for just you. You always thought fantasy would turn into reality, but now that hope is shattered and it hurts, so much, to know it as truth.
Even if it makes you a terrible friend, you couldn't celebrate it with him today, excusing yourself using Lindsey and fleeing before anyone said anything else. You took her to school and then came home to cry yourself to sleep, mourning the loss of something you never really tried to fight for, wishing things were different.
In his eyes you thought you saw doubt and sorrow, though whether it's over hurting you or marrying her, you're not entirely sure. You want to grab him and shake him and insist he divorce her immediately; but, even now, you're still a little scared to take that step because this loss, him to her, is bad enough, and you respect marriage even if your own ended badly. He does too, so you're pretty sure there's no way out of this, unless their marriage fails.
It makes you a horrible person if you hope that it does, and if it's what he really wants you'll have to accept that, but you'll hope quietly anyway because this, the two of you having no future, just feels wrong to you.
You have two hours before your next shift starts and you're still not ready to face him, to act like everything's fine, though when the time comes you will because you'll have no other choice. Hopefully you'll work separate cases for a few days until you get used to the idea of Warrick having a wife, then things can settle to a new normal. It'll never be the same but it's still you and Warrick, and you have to have faith that you'll work it out; he's your best friend, and you need him.
You wonder what she's like, what she looks like and what she does. You wonder if you'll like her, assuming you ever meet her, and whether or not she's suited to Warrick. You barely heard of her when he was dating her and it unsettles you not to know anything at all. Whoever she is and whatever she looks like, you're pretty sure she isn't an older divorcee with a near-teenage child. She's probably younger than Warrick and minus the baggage you have, the baggage you've never felt it fair to drop on his shoulders.
Your head thuds back against the couch and you close your eyes in pain. You don't want to dwell on his new wife, or whether she's better for him than you are. You don't want to think of Warrick having a wife at all, really, so you conjure up memories of happier times instead, until even that makes you sad.
Work is going to be hell tonight and, for just a moment, you're tempted to call in sick, to avoid the entire situation till tomorrow. You don't usually run away from things but Warrick affects you more than anyone and this has shaken your world up in a way you didn't expect. You've been lying to yourself, all those nights you told yourself you were content to just be friends, and you've never been more aware of it than you are right now.
You get up to make coffee, pushing thoughts of him out of your mind. You're strong, independent and you were never going to let yourself have him anyway.
Really, you weren't.
So you can deal with this. You will deal with this.