December: Chapter 12
Title: December
Rating: PG
Warnings: None
Notes: Ten months later, the end is here!
Summary: Adam has endured a massive brain hemorrhage and is left with a scar he can't hide.
The talk with Jesse helped. Actually, it was more than the talk. It was having someone in Adam’s life who was willing to be as vulnerable as Adam felt every single day now. The fact that Jesse was a kid didn’t matter to Adam. He had still helped, in a way no one else had been able to.
Life was still tedious. Recovery was taking forever, and every day felt like that movie, Groundhog’s Day, when the same thing happened over and over and even if he was progressing, it was so slow that to Adam, it almost didn’t count.
Each day, he woke up, and went to the studio. This was the only time of day when he ever felt normal. When he was recording, it didn’t matter that the rest of his tour had been cancelled. Here, nothing mattered, except what he could bring vocally, and if Adam was thankful for anything, it was that his voice was still intact.
After that it was home, for a two-hour nap. Every day, without fail, because, apparently, music exhausted him. And then, he did the “therapy circuit” as he called it. Physical therapy in the morning, which included anything physical. And occupational therapy in the afternoon. This was probably Adam’s least favorite, as it included relearning things like shoe-tying, sequencing, and opening pill-bottles. The only good thing about any of the rest of his day was that the therapists came to him. So, there was no need to go out.
But he didn’t have to worry about any of that now. Now there was only the studio, where the only thing that mattered couldn’t be seen, but only heard.
He could remember wanting to contribute more as a writer to his next album, and he found he still could. He talked with Alisan about anything and everything, and she had penned brilliant songs for him. His favorite was Midnight Blue.
That was the track he was working on now.
The song was about Jesse. And Adam knew he was going to flip when he heard it. The writing hadn’t been difficult either. All he had to do was share his thoughts as they came, and Alisan transformed all his jumbled words into this beautiful thing.
“Sounds great, Adam. What do you think about putting some work in on Backstage Dressing Room?”
Adam took the headphones down and nodded, though really, the idea sounded horrible to him. But writing a tell-all autobiography wasn’t something Adam was ever planning to do. Instead, he used his music as his diary and counseling all at once, really going to the places that he had been avoiding in the months since his world fell apart.
Backstage Dressing Room was, predictably, about his collapse. It described the powerlessness he felt, and used a lot of special-effects and reverb to capture the essence of what it had been like. He hated working on it. But at the same time, he found that he needed to.
The lyrics and the acoustic arrangement of all his current songs, but especially this one, was enough to choke him up. He knew emotion would help the song itself, but he didn’t know how much it could help if he couldn’t get a single note out.
But he did it.
Even though all he did was work on those two songs, it was something. And the album was coming together. Everyone involved was taking their time, this time. And Adam was glad. Because it would mean more time to get back on his feet, to build his endurance. And then, when the time was right, maybe an acoustic tour with Kris and Allison.
To be honest, he was scared to go out on the road again, but, maybe with his two best friends by his side, he could do it.
--
Kris was doing his best to be normal. Working during the day and finishing up in time to pick up Jesse from school. Katy picked up Kaleb from daycare, and for all intents and purposes, they were normal. But Kris didn’t feel it. He was still nervous and jumpy and entirely overly-invested in everything relating to Adam’s and everyone else’s safety.
It was during a rehearsal for a public event with Allison that it all came to a head.
“Man, this headache sucks,” she had complained, and Kris had swung his guitar around to his back, stopping everything in its tracks and insisting to know everything about how she felt.
“Is it just the headache? Are you sure? Is anything numb?”
“Well, my ass is kinda numb from sitting around all day. When are we gonna be done here, dude?”
“Allison, I’m serious! Adam’s thing started with a headache!”
“Kris. You need to chill. You can’t live like this, anticipating every bad thing, when it might not even happen, you know?” Allison said calmly.
“You don’t get it. I can’t just turn this off. If I could, I would. But it’s all I think about. It’s my life,” he said quietly, defeated.
“You know what? Screw the damn rehearsal. We’re writing a song. Right now, come on!”
Kris rolled his eyes.
“Come on, Kris! I’m not kidding. Find some paper and a pen and lets go. And don’t you dare say we’ve gotta practice this song. We both know it.”
In the end, he turned his guitar around, and Allison grabbed a pen and paper from a desk in the corner of the empty music room they were using to rehearse.
“So, what are we writing?” Kris remembered asking, irritation in his voice.
“December,” Allison said simply.
--
It was Katy who decided they needed to get together.
Kris had been working furiously on some secret project that only he and Allison seemed to be aware of. Adam had kind of managed to isolate himself in the redundancy of the recording studio and therapy. And Allison was entirely too absent from their lives, home from tour but kept busy by the record label she playfully threatened to leave if they didn’t give her a day off once in a damn while.
Plus, Jesse and Kaleb really missed seeing everyone, too. They had both been asking for months when “everybody” was coming over.
It had taken some doing, but in the end, everyone agreed to show up. Katy drove to pick up Adam herself, since he still wasn’t driving, due to his anti-seizure medicine. He hadn’t had a seizure, so Katy figured it must be doing its job. And Kris agreed to bring Allison home with him that night.
Katy had the most perfect recipe just sitting there in her cabinet waiting to be used. It was in her much-loved crock pot cookbook. Katy had just discovered the crock pot, even though she and Kris had gotten one as a wedding gift. She was pleasantly surprised when she discovered that she could actually make the most amazing pizza casserole ever, with minimal effort. Of course, the recipe also said that it yielded six servings, but her little family of four had been able to eat it for a week of suppers. So, she figured it was the perfect recipe to use for when Adam and Allison came over.
Katy kept one eye on the crock pot and the other on her kids, who were all over Adam, who was on the couch in the living room.
“See, Adam? See, Adam?” Kaleb screeched, trying to show off his newly-made Lego creation. Katy had no idea what it was.
“Yeah, that’s cool,” Adam praised gently.
“Hey, remember when you cut your hair like I did?” Jesse asked, sitting beside Adam on the couch.
Inwardly, Katy groaned, pretty sure that reliving that day was the last thing Adam would want to do. She was about to speak up, when Adam caught her eye and shook his head, reassuring her that it was okay.
--
“I remember,” Adam said softly, taking off the hat he always wore to reveal the couple inches of strawberry blonde hair that had started to grow in. “You know, I wrote a song about that? About you?” Adam asked.
“Whoa…It changed color!” Jesse gasped, distracted by the sight of Adam‘s usually dark hair now blondish red. “Wait. What? You wrote a song about me? Is it called Jesse? Hold on,” and then Jesse took off.
Adam smiled to himself, as Jesse told Katy about the song. He wondered if Jesse knew he had slipped and called her “Mama,” in the excitement. But he didn’t. It seemed natural.
“Sing me,” Kaleb insisted, crawling over and pulling himself up to stand in front of Adam.
Unsteadily, Adam scooped Kaleb onto his lap, and effortlessly began to sing.
“There once was a boy named Kaleb, and he was pretty amazing.”
--
Kris and Allison showed up just in time, as Jesse had started watching the clock. Katy was used to feeding her kids on a schedule, especially Jesse, because he had often gone hungry in his biological house.
“Katy, you didn’t say you were cooking!” Kris exclaimed happily, surprised. “What could it be?”
“It’s pizza casserole. In the crock pot,” she supplied.
“What a crock!” Allison exclaimed, laughing.
Adam was already at the table, and Allison effortlessly wrapped her arms around him from behind. “Hey. Love you.”
“Hey, Alli… What’s up?” he asked, smiling. It had been too long since his last Allison-hug. “We’ve got a surprise for you. Later,” she whispered. “But don’t tell Kris you know!”
“It’s our secret,” Adam promised.
“What are you two whispering about over there?” Kris asked, settling Kaleb in the highchair that he still fit into. Kris didn’t know what he was going to do when Kaleb started catching up with other two-year-olds.
“Allison was just talking about how hungry we are,” Adam passed along easily.
“You two are the worst liars ever,” Katy added, joining everyone at the table.
“Seriously,” Kris put in. “What’s the big secret?”
“I have a secret,” Jesse offered, sending Adam and Allison a meaningful look that clearly stated he had their backs. “Adam wrote a song with me in it,” he announced, taking a big bite of casserole.
“I didn’t really write it,” Adam denied. “Alisan did.”
“Wait a minute,” Allison said, sounding confused. “Oh, you mean Porter?” she clarified.
At the same time, Jesse put in importantly, “Yeah, but you co-wrote.”
Dinner was a hit with everyone, so Katy got the cheesecake out for dessert, and aside from Jesse misinterpreting the dessert’s title as a literal cake made of cheese, everyone ate, and was happy. Kris, Katy, Adam and Allison visited until late into the night, and they only called one “timeout” during which Kris and Katy put the boys to bed.
That’s when Kris and Allison made their move.
--
Katy walked back out into the living room to find her husband and Allison in kitchen chairs they had moved to the living room. Kris had his guitar, and Allison had what looked like a sheet of lyrics.
Adam was sprawled on the couch, and Katy hesitated a second, wondering if she should back into the hallway and pretend she hadn’t been there, but Adam waved her in, patting a spot on the couch beside him.
Without a word, Kris started playing. And Allison started to sing, her voice quiet and soulful. And then Kris, his voice even softer, took a turn.
Kris sang gently, with Allison joining in on the lower harmony. They sang together, haunting Adam and Katy with their melody.
Allison and Kris sang, their voices wrapping around each other, and filling the empty room.
--
Adam was speechless.
He watched as Allison sat with tears falling, and Kris, with his head bowed. Adam could see Katy wiping tears away.
“Thank you, guys. I hope my Decembers are just like that.”
“They will be,” Allison promised. “’Cause we’ll be with you.”
“Will you sing that when you come with me on my acoustic tour?”
“Wait. When is this?” Kris asked. “You didn’t tell me anything about this.”
“So?” Adam asked, cracking a smile. “You can even bring the boys,” he encouraged Katy.
“Of course, he’ll do it,” Katy exclaimed, giving Adam a hug.
“Of course,” Kris echoed, seriously.
“Good. I want you guys with me,” Adam said, looking Kris and Allison in the eye.
Allison moved closer and pressing a kiss to his forehead with a promise.
“We’ll always be with you.”
“And I’ll always be here,” Adam said, simply, giving his friends the gift of what they most needed to hear, just as they had done for him.
Rating: PG
Warnings: None
Notes: Ten months later, the end is here!
Summary: Adam has endured a massive brain hemorrhage and is left with a scar he can't hide.
The talk with Jesse helped. Actually, it was more than the talk. It was having someone in Adam’s life who was willing to be as vulnerable as Adam felt every single day now. The fact that Jesse was a kid didn’t matter to Adam. He had still helped, in a way no one else had been able to.
Life was still tedious. Recovery was taking forever, and every day felt like that movie, Groundhog’s Day, when the same thing happened over and over and even if he was progressing, it was so slow that to Adam, it almost didn’t count.
Each day, he woke up, and went to the studio. This was the only time of day when he ever felt normal. When he was recording, it didn’t matter that the rest of his tour had been cancelled. Here, nothing mattered, except what he could bring vocally, and if Adam was thankful for anything, it was that his voice was still intact.
After that it was home, for a two-hour nap. Every day, without fail, because, apparently, music exhausted him. And then, he did the “therapy circuit” as he called it. Physical therapy in the morning, which included anything physical. And occupational therapy in the afternoon. This was probably Adam’s least favorite, as it included relearning things like shoe-tying, sequencing, and opening pill-bottles. The only good thing about any of the rest of his day was that the therapists came to him. So, there was no need to go out.
But he didn’t have to worry about any of that now. Now there was only the studio, where the only thing that mattered couldn’t be seen, but only heard.
He could remember wanting to contribute more as a writer to his next album, and he found he still could. He talked with Alisan about anything and everything, and she had penned brilliant songs for him. His favorite was Midnight Blue.
That was the track he was working on now.
The song was about Jesse. And Adam knew he was going to flip when he heard it. The writing hadn’t been difficult either. All he had to do was share his thoughts as they came, and Alisan transformed all his jumbled words into this beautiful thing.
“Sounds great, Adam. What do you think about putting some work in on Backstage Dressing Room?”
Adam took the headphones down and nodded, though really, the idea sounded horrible to him. But writing a tell-all autobiography wasn’t something Adam was ever planning to do. Instead, he used his music as his diary and counseling all at once, really going to the places that he had been avoiding in the months since his world fell apart.
Backstage Dressing Room was, predictably, about his collapse. It described the powerlessness he felt, and used a lot of special-effects and reverb to capture the essence of what it had been like. He hated working on it. But at the same time, he found that he needed to.
The lyrics and the acoustic arrangement of all his current songs, but especially this one, was enough to choke him up. He knew emotion would help the song itself, but he didn’t know how much it could help if he couldn’t get a single note out.
But he did it.
Even though all he did was work on those two songs, it was something. And the album was coming together. Everyone involved was taking their time, this time. And Adam was glad. Because it would mean more time to get back on his feet, to build his endurance. And then, when the time was right, maybe an acoustic tour with Kris and Allison.
To be honest, he was scared to go out on the road again, but, maybe with his two best friends by his side, he could do it.
--
Kris was doing his best to be normal. Working during the day and finishing up in time to pick up Jesse from school. Katy picked up Kaleb from daycare, and for all intents and purposes, they were normal. But Kris didn’t feel it. He was still nervous and jumpy and entirely overly-invested in everything relating to Adam’s and everyone else’s safety.
It was during a rehearsal for a public event with Allison that it all came to a head.
“Man, this headache sucks,” she had complained, and Kris had swung his guitar around to his back, stopping everything in its tracks and insisting to know everything about how she felt.
“Is it just the headache? Are you sure? Is anything numb?”
“Well, my ass is kinda numb from sitting around all day. When are we gonna be done here, dude?”
“Allison, I’m serious! Adam’s thing started with a headache!”
“Kris. You need to chill. You can’t live like this, anticipating every bad thing, when it might not even happen, you know?” Allison said calmly.
“You don’t get it. I can’t just turn this off. If I could, I would. But it’s all I think about. It’s my life,” he said quietly, defeated.
“You know what? Screw the damn rehearsal. We’re writing a song. Right now, come on!”
Kris rolled his eyes.
“Come on, Kris! I’m not kidding. Find some paper and a pen and lets go. And don’t you dare say we’ve gotta practice this song. We both know it.”
In the end, he turned his guitar around, and Allison grabbed a pen and paper from a desk in the corner of the empty music room they were using to rehearse.
“So, what are we writing?” Kris remembered asking, irritation in his voice.
“December,” Allison said simply.
--
It was Katy who decided they needed to get together.
Kris had been working furiously on some secret project that only he and Allison seemed to be aware of. Adam had kind of managed to isolate himself in the redundancy of the recording studio and therapy. And Allison was entirely too absent from their lives, home from tour but kept busy by the record label she playfully threatened to leave if they didn’t give her a day off once in a damn while.
Plus, Jesse and Kaleb really missed seeing everyone, too. They had both been asking for months when “everybody” was coming over.
It had taken some doing, but in the end, everyone agreed to show up. Katy drove to pick up Adam herself, since he still wasn’t driving, due to his anti-seizure medicine. He hadn’t had a seizure, so Katy figured it must be doing its job. And Kris agreed to bring Allison home with him that night.
Katy had the most perfect recipe just sitting there in her cabinet waiting to be used. It was in her much-loved crock pot cookbook. Katy had just discovered the crock pot, even though she and Kris had gotten one as a wedding gift. She was pleasantly surprised when she discovered that she could actually make the most amazing pizza casserole ever, with minimal effort. Of course, the recipe also said that it yielded six servings, but her little family of four had been able to eat it for a week of suppers. So, she figured it was the perfect recipe to use for when Adam and Allison came over.
Katy kept one eye on the crock pot and the other on her kids, who were all over Adam, who was on the couch in the living room.
“See, Adam? See, Adam?” Kaleb screeched, trying to show off his newly-made Lego creation. Katy had no idea what it was.
“Yeah, that’s cool,” Adam praised gently.
“Hey, remember when you cut your hair like I did?” Jesse asked, sitting beside Adam on the couch.
Inwardly, Katy groaned, pretty sure that reliving that day was the last thing Adam would want to do. She was about to speak up, when Adam caught her eye and shook his head, reassuring her that it was okay.
--
“I remember,” Adam said softly, taking off the hat he always wore to reveal the couple inches of strawberry blonde hair that had started to grow in. “You know, I wrote a song about that? About you?” Adam asked.
“Whoa…It changed color!” Jesse gasped, distracted by the sight of Adam‘s usually dark hair now blondish red. “Wait. What? You wrote a song about me? Is it called Jesse? Hold on,” and then Jesse took off.
Adam smiled to himself, as Jesse told Katy about the song. He wondered if Jesse knew he had slipped and called her “Mama,” in the excitement. But he didn’t. It seemed natural.
“Sing me,” Kaleb insisted, crawling over and pulling himself up to stand in front of Adam.
Unsteadily, Adam scooped Kaleb onto his lap, and effortlessly began to sing.
“There once was a boy named Kaleb, and he was pretty amazing.”
--
Kris and Allison showed up just in time, as Jesse had started watching the clock. Katy was used to feeding her kids on a schedule, especially Jesse, because he had often gone hungry in his biological house.
“Katy, you didn’t say you were cooking!” Kris exclaimed happily, surprised. “What could it be?”
“It’s pizza casserole. In the crock pot,” she supplied.
“What a crock!” Allison exclaimed, laughing.
Adam was already at the table, and Allison effortlessly wrapped her arms around him from behind. “Hey. Love you.”
“Hey, Alli… What’s up?” he asked, smiling. It had been too long since his last Allison-hug. “We’ve got a surprise for you. Later,” she whispered. “But don’t tell Kris you know!”
“It’s our secret,” Adam promised.
“What are you two whispering about over there?” Kris asked, settling Kaleb in the highchair that he still fit into. Kris didn’t know what he was going to do when Kaleb started catching up with other two-year-olds.
“Allison was just talking about how hungry we are,” Adam passed along easily.
“You two are the worst liars ever,” Katy added, joining everyone at the table.
“Seriously,” Kris put in. “What’s the big secret?”
“I have a secret,” Jesse offered, sending Adam and Allison a meaningful look that clearly stated he had their backs. “Adam wrote a song with me in it,” he announced, taking a big bite of casserole.
“I didn’t really write it,” Adam denied. “Alisan did.”
“Wait a minute,” Allison said, sounding confused. “Oh, you mean Porter?” she clarified.
At the same time, Jesse put in importantly, “Yeah, but you co-wrote.”
Dinner was a hit with everyone, so Katy got the cheesecake out for dessert, and aside from Jesse misinterpreting the dessert’s title as a literal cake made of cheese, everyone ate, and was happy. Kris, Katy, Adam and Allison visited until late into the night, and they only called one “timeout” during which Kris and Katy put the boys to bed.
That’s when Kris and Allison made their move.
--
Katy walked back out into the living room to find her husband and Allison in kitchen chairs they had moved to the living room. Kris had his guitar, and Allison had what looked like a sheet of lyrics.
Adam was sprawled on the couch, and Katy hesitated a second, wondering if she should back into the hallway and pretend she hadn’t been there, but Adam waved her in, patting a spot on the couch beside him.
Without a word, Kris started playing. And Allison started to sing, her voice quiet and soulful. And then Kris, his voice even softer, took a turn.
Kris sang gently, with Allison joining in on the lower harmony. They sang together, haunting Adam and Katy with their melody.
Allison and Kris sang, their voices wrapping around each other, and filling the empty room.
--
Adam was speechless.
He watched as Allison sat with tears falling, and Kris, with his head bowed. Adam could see Katy wiping tears away.
“Thank you, guys. I hope my Decembers are just like that.”
“They will be,” Allison promised. “’Cause we’ll be with you.”
“Will you sing that when you come with me on my acoustic tour?”
“Wait. When is this?” Kris asked. “You didn’t tell me anything about this.”
“So?” Adam asked, cracking a smile. “You can even bring the boys,” he encouraged Katy.
“Of course, he’ll do it,” Katy exclaimed, giving Adam a hug.
“Of course,” Kris echoed, seriously.
“Good. I want you guys with me,” Adam said, looking Kris and Allison in the eye.
Allison moved closer and pressing a kiss to his forehead with a promise.
“We’ll always be with you.”
“And I’ll always be here,” Adam said, simply, giving his friends the gift of what they most needed to hear, just as they had done for him.