Right To Be Heard: Chapter 1
Adam planned to leave before the bus pulled out for the next show. He needed to take care of this. And the sooner he scheduled surgery, the sooner he would be able to embark on his two months of vocal rest and get it over with.
But before he did any of that, Adam knew he had to say goodbye to everybody. It would be harder than he wanted it to be, only because Adam didn’t know what kind of voice he would be left with after the surgery - if any at all. He had stayed up late nights on the bus Googling ‘vocal polyp’ and comparing his to the images on his phone. He read the horror stories of people who were burned from careless laser placement. Adam was sure those people wished they had just left their polyp alone and let it do whatever it was going to do.
But deep down, he knew he didn’t have that option. He was a singer. This was what he did. He wasn’t good at anything else, and any other possible options would have included his voice anyway. The possibility of losing that was more scary than Adam wanted to admit.
He knocked on Kris’ door first, knowing his best friend on tour ought to be the first one to know about this
“Hey. You look like shit,” Kris greeted as he took in Adam’s limp, flat hair, no make up and tired blue eyes.
“Thanks,” Adam said, cringing when his voice skipped in the middle of the word.
“What’d the doctor say?” Kris asked, deciding to skip the small-talk. Something was obviously up, or Adam wouldn’t have shown up at his hotel room in the middle of the morning.
Adam sat down heavily on Kris’ unmade bed and put his head in his hands. Because it was Kris, and he knew he could, Adam was brutally honest. “I have hemorrhaged blood vessels and a polyp on my vocal cord. It’s huge and nasty and it flaps around when I say anything.”
“Sick,” Kris grimaced in sympathy. “So, more vocal rest?”
Adam nodded. “Try two months worth, after they laser the thing off.” Finally, he glanced up, fear in his eyes. “If I don’t get this fixed and keep singing, I’ll lose my voice. And if I get it fixed, I might end up with a totally different voice…”
If he was honest, even saying the words terrified Adam. What was he thinking, anyway? Maybe Jack was right, and he should just push through this. Maybe it would go away. Kris believed in miracles, maybe Adam could get him to pray for one.
But then he remembered the pain he'd experienced trying to sing. It wasn't the intensity, but the kind of pain that worried him. Something just hadn't felt right. And all the while his range was getting smaller, and there were notes his voice just wouldn't sing anymore. Adam knew if he had any chance of saving his voice, he had to risk this operation.
Kris breathed out sharply. He got up from where he’d sat and was idly strumming chords on his guitar, and sat beside Adam. Kris knew what Adam wasn’t saying. He might not have a career when everything was said and done. Because there was nothing to say, Kris just sat with him, while Adam tried to come to terms with the next step.
"I'm scared, Kris."
"I know."
--
He went alone to talk to everyone else. Adam’s visits to their rooms were more brief, but he didn’t mind. It was more to say goodbye, so they wouldn’t be left unaware than it was to explain. When they asked - and everyone did - Adam explained he would be gone having a simple procedure done on his vocal cord. And that, fingers crossed, he’d be back by the end of tour.
“If it’s such a small procedure,” Allison badgered him, worried, “Why won’t you be back until the end of tour?”
“I have a polyp. They need to take it off,” he explained simply.
“What’s a polyp?” Allison asked, her nose wrinkled.
“It’s like a blister,” he said, trying to be patient. “And it has the same effect as nodules would.”
“So, why are you having surgery. I have nodules and I’m fine,” she defended.
Adam did a double-take. “Since when?”
“Since I was, like, three. It’s no big deal,” she dismissed with a wave of the hand.
Adam bit his lip to keep from reprimanding her. That was her mother’s job. “This is, though, Alli. It’s bleeding, and it hurts.”
She blinked. “Oh. Why didn’t you say so in the first place? You shouldn’t sing if you’re in pain, obviously. That’s stupid.”
“So, I’m leaving today. Having surgery in a few days, and then I’ll be on vocal rest for a couple months.”
“I wish I could come with you. And help you,” she said, wrapping her arms around him.
He laughed. “I’ll be fine. But thank you,” he said, pressing a kiss into her hair.
When he left her behind, Adam wondered what other parts of himself he would leave behind before this was all over.