Phobic
"Such a great show! Oh, my God!" Adam exclaimed as he climbed the steps to the tour bus. And then he stopped dead.
There, in the lounge area at Scott's feet was a huge German Shepherd, who perked up when Adam climbed aboard.
"Hey, Adam, this is Pluto," Scott greeted cheerfully. "He'll be with me 'til Todd gets back."
His mouth dry and heart pounding, Adam backed off the bus and directly into Kris.
"Hey. What's up, man? You look like you've seen a ghost."
"Scott said he was bringing a guide dog!" Adam exclaimed softly. "Not a German Shepherd...beast!"
"Oh, cool! His dog's a German Shepherd!" Matt exclaimed hurrying on to investigate.
"Don't pet it," Danny reminded, boarding, too.
Kris stood off to the side with Adam as they waited for Michael and Anoop to make their way over after talking to the crowd. "What's wrong?"
Even in the dark, Kris could see that Adam was sweating. His breath was shallow.
"I'm gonna ride the girls' bus," he gasped. "That is not a dog... That's a damn antelope!" Adam hissed, mindful that Scott was just inside the bus, and that his hearing was perhaps, better than anyone else's. Adam didn't want to insult Scott, but he and German Shepherds didn't mix.
"Okay," Kris trailed, clearly confused by Adam's behavior. Kris had seen him cuddle animals before - even Allison's cocker spaniel, Moose. "But we have to get on the bus. Driver's ready to go," he gestured as Anoop and Michael finally climbed the steps.
Adam could hear both men greeting the dog enthusiastically and shuddered.
Because Adam couldn't find the words, he searched his hair and turned around, revealing the jagged white scars on his head. "One of those attacked me when I was like, eleven," he whispered. "Neil was with me. We were riding our bikes past its house and it went, like, totally mental. Neil beat the shit out of hit with his helmet and it let me go."
Kris' eyes darkened. "I didn't know. I'm sorry," he apologized. "Listen, I'm gonna go talk to Scott. You stay here for a minute. It'll be all right."
--
"Scott. Can we talk?" Kris asked, sitting down. It was a conscious effort to not reach down and stroke Pluto's giant head. Kris loved dogs. But the scars on Adam's head reminded him why he was there.
"Sure," Scott agreed easily. "What's up?"
"Adam's afraid of Pluto," Kris said quietly. "Like, really afraid. He was attacked by a German Shepherd as a kid."
"Ooh," Scott said sympathetically.
"Yeah. So, if you could just keep him still and stuff until Adam gets by him?"
"No problem." Scott turned his attention to Pluto, at his feet. "Pluto, stay."
Pluto looked at him seriously and then rested his head on his paws.
--
"It's cool," Kris told Adam outside the bus, where Adam was pacing.
"It's not cool. The Mom Squad and Alli won't let me ride their bus," Adam spat.
Kris put a hand on Adam's back and he stiffened. His other scars were right under Kris' hand, but his friend couldn't know that. "Come on. Pluto's fine. Scott told him to stay. I don't think he moves until Scott tells him something else."
--
Adam nearly hyperventilated climbing the steps to the bus. He had managed to overcome his fear of all dogs, and now he could cuddle with small ones and puppies. But big dogs, especially Pluto's kind, freaked Adam the hell out.
He could feel the dog's stare, and the panting drove Adam insane.
With a hand on Adam's back, Kris guided Adam past Pluto, purposely putting himself closest to the dog.
Adam's hands and face were tingling as they walked toward the animal. When Pluto sat up and stretched around Kris to sniff at Adam's clothes, Adam felt sure he would pass out. The memory of the growling and the horrible pain was too close.
"Pluto. Leave it," Scott commanded sharply, well aware of his dog's interest in anything shiny or dangling.
Obediently the dog stilled, and Kris pushed Adam past him to the bunk area. Others were there, but no one commented.
Adam climbed into the top bunk, determined. He didn't care that it belonged to Kris. He wanted to be as far away from Pluto as he could be. His nerves were shot to hell. He was sure if the dog barked, he'd be on the ceiling.
Kris crawled into the middle bunk, which was Adam's. "Nice up there, huh?" he asked amiably.
"Yeah," Adam answered shortly. And then, "You don't care that I'm staring at this picture of Katy?"
Kris stretched out, not tired at all, but knowing he could drop off quickly as soon as the bus got moving. "Nope," he said easily and paused. "It does seem kind of unfair, though, considering I'm stuck staring at pictures of your ugly brother."
Above him, Adam snickered. "He is pretty ugly, but I live with it." Though his heart hammered with dread, Adam let one arm dangle off the bunk, hoping Kris would take the hint.
Kris grabbed on and held tight, ignoring when Adam's fingers flexed in panic.
"Just think of it this way," Kris offered, trying to lighten the mood. "If Pluto gets hungry while he's sleeping, he'll eat Anoop first."
"I heard that!" Anoop bellowed good-naturedly from the front of the bus.
"You're cool, Adam. Just as long as you don't sleep in glitter or rhinestones, and you don't have a cheeseburger with you, Pluto will leave you alone," Scott snickered.
"Great," he moaned into the pillow.
"He's kidding," Kris told him seriously, squeezing Adam's hand. "Scott, tell Adam you're kidding!" he hollered.
Scott laughed. "This dog is lazier than I am. Once he's down, he's down for the night."
"Don't worry, man," Matt called.
"Yeah," Michael chimed in. "We got your back."
And eventually, Adam did start to drift off, hearing Scott and Danny talk about all the times Pluto had been there for Scott, and the things he did that no one else would have the patience for. Even though the thought of the massive dog sleeping on their bus wasn't reassuring, the way he helped Scott was.
From below him, Adam felt Kris squeeze his hand. Then he gave in and let the bus rock him to sleep.
--
That night, Adam slept fitfully, jerking awake, peering around his curtain and glancing down the aisle to where Pluto slept.
Reassurances hadn't done much to calm Adam. The dog that had attacked him had done it when Adam was on his bike. He had slowed down, because it was barking like a psycho, and the thing had lunged and knocked Adam onto the road. It had been a miracle no cars had come and run him over. A miracle that Neil of all people, had come to Adam's defense when no one walking by even stopped.
Adam had lain helpless in the street, screaming. It was the worst pain he had ever felt. Neil had done his best to drag his big brother out of traffic's way, and had done an okay job, but managed to give Adam road-rash along with the bites he had suffered.
Neil had bravely scared the dog back into its own yard and closed the fence that had been left open. Then, he'd ridden home to get their parents.
The hospital had been hell. All the disinfecting and the stitches. But the fear Adam lived with now was worse than all of those combined. More than fifteen years later, Adam couldn't look at a big dog, especially a German Shephard, and not think of the crazy one that had attacked Adam for just riding by the house it guarded.
It hadn't even mattered that the cops made the owners put the dog down. Adam's fear was still alive and very real.
--
Hours later, when they stopped at a hotel, Adam didn't even move until Scott and Pluto were off the bus.
"All clear," Kris called softly, and Adam jumped down, wrapped in Kris's blanket and slid his own shoes on.
"Will the hotel let him have the dog in there?" Adam wondered, walking up to the doors.
"He's a service dog," Kris mused. "So, I think they have to."
"Shit," Adam swore softly.
"Hey. It's fine, all right? You won't get hurt. We're all here, making sure," Kris reminded him.
"Hey, guys," Allison greeted tiredly. She took shelter against the cold under Kris's blanket with Adam.
"Shouldn't let you have this," Adam grumbled. "You didn't let me have what I wanted..."
"What'd you want?" Allison yawned, pulling the blanket around them both.
"To ride our bus," Lil recalled, walking up alongside him. "He's scared of Scott's dog," she added, a note of concern in her voice. She tried to find Adam's hand and he pulled away, irritable.
"Thanks. I really wanted everyone to know that," he muttered darkly.
"Everyone already does know that," Allison interjected.
Adam sent her a scathing look, and she shrugged. "Hey, we're girls. Word travels..."
"I just need to get some sleep," Adam said apologetically. "Sorry, I'm so bitchy..."
"I like it when you're bitchy," Allison confided, a smile in her voice. "And, hey, if you want to chill on our bus until Goofy's gone, just come to our bus tomorrow night first thing."
"Thanks," he sighed, accepting his room key gratefully. He walked to his room, fell into bed, and dreamed a dreamless sleep.
--
The next day, Adam did his best to avoid Pluto, but still maintain his friendship with Scott. It was harder than it sounded, because Pluto was absolutely everywhere Scott was. Sometimes he sniffed things and once, he even barked, making Adam sure he was about to freak out.
Kris was good about it, acting kind of like Adam's bodyguard, even though he was significantly smaller than Adam. That didn't matter. Neil had been smaller than Adam, too. He had still managed to fight off the dog that attacked him.
He even joined Adam when he went to the girls' bus, sitting in the lounge where Lil and Megan were watching Legally Blonde. Kris tried not to roll his eyes, but he really hated this movie. It had to be one of the dumbest ever. Right up there next to Clueless. Still, Kris enjoyed listening to Lil and Megan's commentary on everything from acting to wardrobe to plotline.
"You both should be directors," he commented. "You could give whoever did this a run for their money..."
Down the long couch, Allison was sprawled out, eating Flamin' Hot Cheetos, her head resting in Adam's lap. She used to not even be able to eat five of them because they were so spicy, but now, she was addicted to them, and they barely burned her mouth at all.
She offered Adam one, and he crunched down on it.
"So, did a dog really attack you when you were a kid?" she asked softly, as if they had been in the middle of a conversation on the subject.
Silently, Adam nodded.
"How old were you?" she asked, curious, picking out another fat Cheeto, and eating it.
"Eleven."
"Well, don't you think that's long enough to live being afraid like that?" she asked honestly. "The dog that hurt you is probably dead by now anyway," she rationalized.
"It's not really that easy," Adam told her, just as honest and straight-forward.
"Well, I didn't think it would be," she said, adjusting so she was more comfortable, with her feet in Kris's lap. "But wouldn't you even want to try to get past it? Not every dog is mean like that one was. Moose isn't. You loved him," Allison pointed out.
"It's bigger dogs. German Shepherds, especially. Like Scott's," Adam explained, willing his heartbeat to slow down. "Anyway, I don't know..." Adam trailed off, wrinkling his nose and pushing the Cheetos away.
"Even if I was there? Me and Kris, both?" she asked softly so only he could hear. Her brown eyes were searching his own, trying to reconcile this Adam who was so afraid, with the one she knew, who feared nothing. "We would protect you. We wouldn't let anything happen to you."
It was the look in her eyes that did it. That made Adam want to change this. Besides, what if, someday, his kids wanted a dog? He didn't need fear ruling any part of his life.
"Okay, what did you have in mind?"
--
Later that afternoon when everyone was busy, Allison went with Adam and Kris to Scott's hotel room and knocked on the door.
Allison wasn't a shrink or anything, but the best way she could think of getting someone past a real but ridiculous fear was by confronting it. She used to be afraid of water, until her mom forcibly handed Alli off to a swimming teacher when she was four. Once she learned to swim, the water wasn't scary anymore.
Scott pulled the door open, catching the vivid pink color of Allison's hair and the scent of her floral perfume, and hot Cheetos.
Kris was here, too. He was somehow subtler, even after using his new Axe Fever body wash, with Brazilian Hot Mud and Red Dragon Fruit. Kris had told all the guys about it, because he was so entertained by its ingredients.
Adam was some big name cologne, with strong notes of fragrance, like Armani or Abercrombie & Fitch. Scott could tell that on him, intentionally or not, the cologne was a mask for the fear that he could also detect without trying.
"Hey, Scott. Hey, Pluto," Allison greeted.
"Hey, come on in, guys," he invited, moving aside. "Adam, are you all right with Pluto?" he asked, hearing short, tense breaths from his direction.
Adam nodded, silent.
"He's okay," Kris offered. "He just wanted to come by, to see if he could get used to him."
Scott nodded. "Okay, that's cool. Well, Pluto's not working right now. You guys can pet him if you want," Scott offered, making his way over to the bed. One nice thing about hotels was that a lot of them were laid out similarly, and it wasn't hard to find his way around. If it was, then Scott moved things around until they suited him.
"I don't know..." Adam whispered. He was already sweating and his heart was about ready to pound out of his chest.
Kris was no help. He was on the floor playing with the dog himself. Pluto was on his belly, Kris was on his belly, completely content to scratch Pluto's massive head.
"You're a good boy, aren't you? Yeah," Kris said softly as Pluto panted and seemed to smile.
Scott sat down on the bed beside Adam. "You don't have to do this, you know? If you want to wait, or do it another time, that's fine." Adam's ragged breathing was worrying Scott. The last thing he wanted was for Adam to work himself up.
"No, I'm gonna do it..." Adam promised himself. But even as he said it, Adam leaned toward Allison, who hadn't said a word, just leaned against him, so he would know she was there.
"Okay. Do you trust me?" Scott asked, his voice level and serious.
"Yeah, of course," Adam answered without thinking.
"Close your eyes."
Still on the floor, with his arm around Pluto's neck, Kris glanced up, interested.
"Oh, shit," Adam laughed nervously. "I shouldn't have said yes, should I?"
"Yes, you should," Allison confirmed, just a whisper in his ear. She already knew what Scott was going to do. She didn't know how, but sometimes, Allison just knew things. People's intentions made sense to her, even before she saw them carried out. Scott was going to get Adam used to the dog, just by feel, so that the size wouldn't scare him.
Gently, Scott grasped Adam's forearm and guided his hand onto Pluto's back.
Instinctively, Adam flinched and pulled back.
Scott went with it, letting Adam take a breath and collect himself before trying again.
"He won't hurt you. He's really just a big baby," Scott encouraged, bringing Adam's hand back down.
Allison reached down, too, and with Kris already there, petting Pluto, she hoped that Adam would realize it was okay and relax.
"This feels really weird..." Adam laughed, still nervous. But the more he touched the dog's soft fur and heard him breathing, and Kris talking to him like he really was just a big baby, Adam started to calm down.
"You wanna check him out? He's looking at you....in a cool way, not a creepy way," Allison amended.
Slowly Adam opened his eyes, and found himself staring into Pluto's fathomless brown ones. He had never seen a huge dog so calm before.
"Is he really always like this?" Adam asked, a little breathless.
"Dogs are like people. Most are normal and well-adjusted. Just a few are crazy," Scott assured, smiling. "He's a good boy, aren't you, buddy?" he asked, scratching Pluto's head.
But Pluto was busily licking Cheeto crumbs off from wherever he could find them. When he finished licking Allison, he sought out Adam.
"Whoa, I don't even like Cheetos!" he laughed. He was still nervous, but having Kris, Allison and Scott around made the whole business of curing his phobia a little easier.
--
After the first encounter in Scott's hotel room, Adam made it his personal mission anytime he had a spare moment to seek out Scott and Pluto and spend time with them. It was a little easier when Pluto was working, because then people weren't allowed to pet him anyway, but Adam just wanted to get used to him.
Gone were the days of seeking refuge on the girls' bus. Each night, Adam climbed the steps and forced himself to sit down and spend a few minutes talking to Scott and Pluto. And after a few days, it didn't feel like a chore anymore. It felt almost easy.
There were still things moments that set Adam on edge. Pluto had the loudest bark Adam had ever heard, and he could be particularly eager to greet Adam getting on the bus, or when he came by Scott's hotel for any reason.
But Adam was doing his best.
He wasn't going to live life afraid anymore.
--
"Can Pluto have a treat?" Adam asked, walking by Pluto on the bus again, armed with a red box he'd purchased at the last grocery store stop.
This was going to be the dog's last night with them before Todd came back. Even though Adam wouldn't admit it out loud, he was going to miss having a dog around - this particular dog.
"Those are Milk Bones for medium-sized dogs," Kris pointed out. "Pluto's at least a hundred pounds..."
Adam stared at the box, dumbfounded. "They come in sizes? Well, how the hell would I know that? Scott, can he still have these, though? He's been so good, you know? So patient with me."
"Well, not all at once," Scott said with a smile. "But he can have a couple. Pluto, stay," he directed as Adam dug in the box.
Adam crouched in front of Pluto and held the bone in his hand. He watched how Pluto waited until Scott gave him the okay and then gently ate the treat off Adam's hand. The teeth had been Adam's worst fear, but Pluto was careful and sweet.
He said nothing, just put his arms cautiously around the dog's neck.
And just like that, the moment passed, and Adam was walking down the aisle toward his bunk. But he was different now. He felt lighter and ridiculously pleased. It was such a simple moment, but one that Adam would remember:
Because he had faced his fear - teeth and all - and came away from it feeling only love.