Feel Your Light: Chapter 15
Settling in was something that Kris and Katy talked about a lot with Jesse. At first, he didn’t know what it meant, but now that it was August and he was still here, Jesse started to feel like he might be settling in. Especially if that meant that they weren’t going to give him away if he was bad. He was doing his best to do what Kris and Katy said. Once he almost slipped and called Katy “Mama” the way Kaleb did, but he caught himself in time.
The summer in LA was hotter than a pistol. At least that’s what Allison said. Allison was a friend of Adam and Kris. She was younger than them, and had hair that was magenta. She came over, and hung out with him sometimes for an hour or two in case Kris and Katy had to take Kaleb to the doctor or something. It seemed like they did that a lot, probably because Kaleb always had some kind of cough or trouble breathing or something. He only felt sort of bad for Kaleb because Kaleb didn’t seem to mind.
Today Kaleb had some kind of appointment for his legs. Jesse didn’t really understand, except that Kris and Katy both wanted to go along, and Adam couldn’t watch him, because he was busy.
“It’s okay. My biological mom and her boyfriend, they left me alone all the time. I can take care of myself. And I won’t do anything bad, or waste any food, or anything,” he reassured.
Jesse tucked his hands in the pocket of his cool-ass basketball shorts. They were red and all silky. He had a plain white tee shirt on, because Katy taught him that white clothes were the best to wear if it was hot. She taught him lots of things, and had even let him wear his hair whatever way he wanted. She didn’t make him have gross dreads that he hated. When he asked how to get cornrows in his hair, she spent a long time reading on the computer to learn just how to do it, and then made his hair look so handsome. She even said so, and took a picture with her phone.
Kris said that they weren’t going to be leaving him by himself and that they would see if Allison could come hang out for a while. Then, he asked if they could trust Jesse not to give her any trouble. Allison knew the rules just like Kris and Katy, and Adam. But Allison was more fun to be around than any of them because she was more like a kid.
This time, they went out in the yard and had a picnic. Jesse never had one before, but it was pretty cool. When all the food was gone and everything was put away, Allison turned on the hose and sprayed him with it. Jesse shrieked and was happy that nobody was around to hear him be so embarrassing. Allison got him soaking wet and then let him get her wet, too. It was only fair.
After they were done they just laid on the grass in the backyard letting the sun dry their clothes and listening to her I-Pod. Allison taught him how to see shapes by looking at the clouds. Jesse’s clouds looked like hammers and grilled cheese sandwiches, but Allison’s were way better. She looked at the sky and saw dragons with wings breathing fire. Spanish things that he couldn’t understand, but sounded very interesting. Plus, she didn’t even tell on him, when he asked if she would teach him to curse in Spanish so that Kris and Katy wouldn’t know.
“Oh, they would know. They’ve been around me, especially Kris,” she told him nodding to herself as she flipped through her play lists to try and find something appropriate for a third grader. “Are you excited for school?” she asked, trying to distract him from the fact that they had listened to her entire child-safe repertoire in about five songs.
“It’s summer,” Jesse pointed out.
“Yeah, but school’s starting in a couple weeks. That means you get to go shopping for all new clothes and different supplies and stuff.”
“Katy already did that when I came,” Jesse shrugged.
“Well, school shopping is different. It’s awesome,” she encouraged.
“Who says I’m even gonna be here when school starts?” Jesse said bitterly. “I might be gone.”
“You should give it a chance, you might like it.” Allison shrugged, too, pretending not to care about what she just said. This kid was complex but she could relate to him easier than most. She knew a hurt kid when she met one.
“It’s not fun if you’re dumb,” Jesse objected.
The thought of school made Jesse’s stomach twist up. He was starting to like it here, with Katy and Kris and Kaleb. And just when he was getting settled in, stupid school had to start. He hated when changes happened, because they were never good, besides school could just be the first place they sent him before they decided that they liked their family the way it was.
Before they got rid of him for good.
--
Katy and Kris got home a couple hours later, and watched their older son transform from the kid they knew now when Allison was there, to the little firecracker who arrived on their doorstep two months earlier. He was sullen and quiet, and watchful.
Kris didn’t like the change, and immediately called Allison to see if she knew what could have caused it. He balanced Kaleb carefully on his hip as he waited for the call to go through. Leaning pitifully against Kris, Kaleb coughed. It was so deep and raspy that Kris cringed. Just his luck that Kaleb would come down with a summer respiratory thing when they were fresh from the doctor. In the kitchen, Kris could hear Katy doing her best to keep Jesse away from the pantry where he was busy gorging himself.
Kris reached Allison but got no answers to his questions. She was just as clueless as he was about what had caused the shift in Jesse’s behavior. Allison relayed everything they had done, the conversations they’d had, but none of it left Kris any closer to the truth.
--
Jesse was back at his other house with the mom he never wanted to see again. He knew it would happen just like this. Kris and Katy had kicked him out just like he thought they would because he was so bad, and now he was stuck, because he didn’t want any other parents, if he couldn’t have Katy and Kris. So, when his other mom tried to hurt him but couldn’t do a good enough job and got her boyfriend to help, Jesse just curled up and took it.
He took every kick, every punch, every curse and every time he got whipped with the big belt. He couldn’t hear any voices, but he could hear every time he got hit with something.
Jesse didn’t cry, and the screams he tried to make were stuck inside him.
--
Katy sat straight up in bed when she heard Jesse start screaming. She had never heard that kind of scream out of a child in her life. It made the hair stand up on the back of her arms. Unfortunately for her, Katy’s arms were full of Kaleb, who needed his mama in a bad way. His cough had turned deep and congested, and she worried about his little respiratory system. So, the two of them had sat awake, while she gave him a breathing treatment and tried to relax for a few minutes. She had just closed her eyes when she heard Jesse.
Despite the fact that it was close to three in the morning, Kris leaped out of bed and took off for Jesse’s room. Katy was so grateful to have him, especially when everything in her wanted to go see what was wrong.
--
Kris skidded to a halt in the doorway of Jesse’s room. The way he was screaming, Kris fully expected to need to fight off an intruder. But Jesse was alone, thrashing pitifully in the covers, as he yelped and cowered.
“Hey, Jesse, it’s okay…” Kris comforted softly, hedging in the doorway. The last thing he wanted to do was spook the kid.
Jesse startled hard, jerking back and losing his balance. He tumbled hard to the floor, and looked around wildly for something to defend himself. His hand closed around something plastic and long.
He picked it up, and swung.
--
Kris didn’t have time to think in the time it took Jesse to fall out of bed, grab Kaleb’s plastic golf club and swing it so hard the impact knocked his head back and Kris felt blood running from his chin. The pain registered then, and along with it, the realization that Jesse had taken off.