M is for Moon language, Muraki and Mary Sues
Okay, let me begin by illustrating the main problem with today's fic:
For those of you not in the early yaoi loop, this animanga is Yami no Matsuei (Descendants of Darkness), my guilty pleasure from my teenage anime fangirl years. (I'm now a much more mature fangirl, which basically means I want believable character development with my shameless manporn.) I'd like to point out that I've never read the English translation, nor watched the anime with official subs, so I have no idea how much the translation can be blamed for characterisation crimes (FAKE, Tokyopop, Dee the Insufferable Asshole; here's a rant for later times). Today's fic seems to be solely based on the 13-episode-long anime, however, so I don't think there's much chance of confusion here. Well, unless you count the fact that it's written using strange Moon grammar and characters from some cheap Sweet Valley High knock-off.
Let me get the ranty part over with first. This fic turns a major canon villain into one of the good guys, and does this by simply ignoring his evilness. Never mind that the canon - in this case, the anime canon - clearly shows Muraki is a) a sadistic psychopath, b) a serial killer, c) a rapist and d) a mad scientist with no respect for human life. Yes, he manages all this and more in the 13 episodes of Yami no Matsuei. Now, call me ol' Pessimisticpants if you wish, but somehow I doubt it was all just a big mistake that a well-written fanfic can correct and show that the REAL Muraki is just a fluffy darling honeywuggums.
Ooohh, but he's PRETTY and he molests MEN. Of course, that makes rape perfectly acceptable. Let's just ignore that he also likes to molest and kill thirteen-year-old children; he has TEH GHEY and therefore all else is forgiven. Don't take me wrong, I think Muraki is pretty damn effective as a villain, even if he always seems to appear with roses and cherry blossoms and white feathers. He also has some Canon Stuish powers that are never properly explained, but never mind, he still creeps me out successfully. It's romancing him that I have a problem with. I can't take any romantic pairing with him in it seriously. Fucked-up porn, sure, but leave the WAFFy bullshit out of it. This guy is a PSYCHO. He has creepy obsessions, yes, but those do not a romance make. He's also done pretty horrible things to most other canonical characters; the only reason I see why they'd want a lovey-dovey relationship with him is Stockholm Syndrome. Mind control optional.
It's not that this fic's Muraki even acts that different from his canonical equivalent. Seriously, the characterisation is pretty decent. We're just expected to believe that his creepy stalkery is now cute and romantic. I think that disturbs me more than fucking with the canon.
But that's enough of that. Let's see what happens when Woobie!Muraki and the love of his life fight against Mary Sues and incomprehensible sentence structure in the Sweet Valley High version of Enma-chou!
Two of a Kind: ( Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ) [I doubt the author is old enough to read her own masterpiece.]
Anime/Manga: Yami No Matsuei [Characterisation: Sweet Valley High.]
Genre(s): Drama / Hentai [Every time I see this "genre" listed, I expect tentacle-on-schoolgirl action. But do I ever get it? NO.]/ Romance | Type: Yaoi
Author: Sueona [Aww, I love it when Suethors are self-aware! Good for you, ficcer!]
Summary: It has been two years after Kyoto and Muraki appears once again. Muraki and Tsuzuki both have changed since then and are learning from their past mistakes. [Gleeful serial killing? Raping and cruelly torturing a child? Just simple mistakes, folks!] What does that mean for those two? [Buttsex. It's always buttsex. It's been scientifically proven that every time a fangirl asks a question in their fic summary, the answer has to do with one man screwing another in the butt.] A young girl comes into the picture and asks for help. Who is this girl and what does she want from Muraki and Tsuzuki? [She's a Sue and she wants them to have lovey-dovey buttsex. See? The theory works!]
Disclaimer: I do not own any characters of Yami No Matsuei. I wish I did, but if I did I would not being writing fanfiction. [On the other hand, you might have an editor who'd hit you with a red pen every now and then.]
Warning: Bad language and yaoi. (Boy and boy love.) [Are you kidding me? Everyone's browsing Mediaminer for the buttsex. They sure as hell know what yaoi means. It means fics just like this.] [At least the bad language part is an appropriate warning. The English language weeps for what this author has done to it.]
Notes: Please review and tell me what you think. This is my second try of Yami No Matsuei fanfiction. [I'm always so desperate to know how many fics the author has written before the current one, aren't you?] I am not sure if I made the first chapter too long, so if you would be so kind to tell me what you think about the length of the chapter, I would like that very much.
Chapter One: Into Enemy's Arms
Tsuzuki's POV: [Get used to seeing these little POV stamps. There's going to be a new one every other paragraph by the end of this fic. They don't make this fic any less confusing to read.]
Slowly walking down the path of the cherry blossoms to the apartment that awaits me as I ask myself with fear in my broken heart, "Will you be waiting for me?" [Melodrama and a fractured sentence, right off the bat. Wonderful.] He has not waited for me for the past three nights, so I doubt he will do it now. Each step draws me near the apartment [That tends to happen when you walk towards it, yes.] that I can't call home anymore. Since the night, [Someone take this poor little orphan comma home where it belongs!] I left without a word to him and went to another man, the one who holds power over my soul. With trembling hands I take hold of the door knob and open it slowly [discovering that inside every doorknob, there's delicious candy!] waiting for my fate to crush me with its strong powers. [Hold on, I'm going to get my magnifying glass and find your violin for you...] Walking into the dark home, I take off my tench coat [I see spellcheck was just too much toil and trouble.] and set it to the side. I start to feel like someone is watching every movement I make. Almost falling on my ass as I turn around to see shiny blue eyes staring at me [is not a sentence, and I wish ficcers would realise that the dramatic effect of cutting a sentence in half like this is pretty damn minimal when it happens thrice in one paragraph]. The eyes are questioning me without a word being said. [They're also apparently glowing, because how else could Tsuzuki notice they're blue in the dark room?] Walking towards the couch in the middle of the large living room that I share with my lover and sitting down in a comfortable position before I ask, "What's wrong?" [This ficcer is clearly in love with the -ing form. And it's only going to get worse.]
He speaks in a low tone to hide his anger, "I was going to ask you the same question. This is the forth night that you have been out to all early morning hours." [All of them? Methinks this guy speaks in a low tone to hide his awkward grasp of his mother tongue, not his butthurt feelings.]
This will lead to an argument that we have been having for the past two months. Only if he knew that I have been doing this for almost a month now. [Are you confused yet? I know I am.] Sighing to myself while stating, "I don't know what to say to you, Seiichiro." [First name alert! First name alert!] Looking in his blue eyes [Yes, you told us they're blue. Thanks. You can move on to more meaningful details now.] that I once got lost into is nothing more than pain to my forsaken heart. It breaks my soul piece by piece that I will end this mean less relationship tonight.
[*plays Devil's Trill on the microscopic violin*]
He turns his head and asks in a sad tone, "Were you with Kurosaki again?"
Only if that was the case, then I wouldn't feel pain like someone tearing out my heart. Willing myself to stand up and walk to the glass window to look at the dark cold night that my heart feels inside. [So, for the record: his heart is broken and forsaken, and it feels like someone's tearing it out, and also like there's a dark, cold night inside. Wow! Even in shoujo manga standards, that's a pretty big accomplishment!] In a shy voice, I answer his question without looking at him, "No. He wasn't the one I was with, but part of me wishes I was." Exhaling a deep breath, I whisper, "This relationship is pointless." [I agree, since we haven't yet heard a thing about how or why they're suddenly lovers.] Feeling his arms around my waist and pulling away from him. [...Yes?] I turn around to see him for the last time knowing full well that I will return to another man's arms. [And this week, in Days of Our Lives...] Speaking up for him to hear, "It is over, Seiirchio Tatsumi. ["Or whatever your name is. I can't even be arsed to check; I'm leaving you anyway."] This relationship is nothing but a false illusion." He gives me a sad look that I wish I didn't have to be cruel to him. [Tatsumi was angry when Tsuzuki walked in. What happened to that? I don't recall Tatsumi having insane mood swings every other minute.] Reaching for my cigarettes in my pocket and lighting one up, I mumble, "I will get my things tomorrow." [Since when does Tsuzuki smoke? Since it looks tragic and sexycool?] Without a second glace, I walk away from his teary blue eyes. [The rest of him, he could date. But those fucking blue eyes have to go. They're so... blue. Blueblueblue. HEY EVERYBODY! TATSUMI HAS BLUE EYES! NEWS AT TEN!] Stopping by the door as I hear him mumbling something, I reply without the knowledge of what he said, "I have been seeing someone else for the past month." Turning around and seeing his blue eyes [Stop it!] turn from sadness to anger, [as he flicks a switch and ignores his medication] I state, "I been coming home late for a month and you haven't noticed until now." [Yeah, clearly not. That's why he was sitting there waiting for you, furious. That's just what Tatsumi likes to do, practice his angry sitting routine. Nothing to do with you being a slut.] Putting my tench coat back on and hurrying out the door before anything else can be said that will end our friendship as well. Of course, I know that it is the end. We should have remained friends and none of this would have happened. Once I walk outside the cold wind blows against my body. Reaching for my cell phone, I think, "I hope he will not be upset with me calling so late." I dial the number while leaning against the tree for support.
A sleepy silk voice answers, "Hello." [A hoarse voice made by worms? SEXY!]
I think of things to say to him. What do I say? Do I even want to talk to him? I'm afraid of talking to him, but I'm also afraid he will hang up on me. In a shaky voice, I ask, "Can I come over?" Feeling warm tears running down my checks as I hear shuffling. [And the sound of inging. Ing ing ing.] He must be sitting up now. I wish I didn't call him so late. He is upset with me, and I just know it. My mind is going in circles as my heart is racing. [*adds to the list* Busy little fella, that heart.]
He answers, "Of course, you can come. You are more than welcome to come or call at anytime, my dear Asato." [Ah, now this sounds familiar. The polite creepiness is certainly right on the money. Well done, ficcer!]
My body warms quickly by the way my name rolls off of his tongue. I ask, "Why do you love a demon like me? [Hi! Just making casual conversation here!] How can you love someone who hurts others by words?" [God, stop whining. I'm annoyed with you already. The canonical Tsuzuki has heaps of angst and suicidal tendencies, too, but even he doesn't whine at olympic level like this self-centred asshole.] He is the only one who can heal these scars. [Makes sense. He's a doctor. OH WAIT AND A PSYCHOPATHIC LOONY.] I keep asking myself, "Why is it him?" While waiting for an answer, I listen to his soft breathing.
He finally speaks up, "My dear sweet angel of death, you are so much like myself. You are the second part of my soul as I am a second part of your soul." [Once again, Muraki's characterisation is perfect. What I don't understand is how this could be seen as sweet or romantic. It screams "fucking creepy" to me, but maybe I'm just psychophobic or something. I guess I better get some sensitivity training.]
Watching the smoke disappear through the wind, I respond, "I'll be over in a few." I hang up the phone and start walking. Part of me doesn't want to leave, but my body tells me that this is the one who can sent me free. Telling myself, "Do not look back." Never look back and it will go away at least that is what I tell myself every day. [He learnt all this from listening to his cock. Tsuzuki, one piece of advice: don't listen to your cock. It tends to point to anyone in front of you, no matter what kind of a murderous maniac is standing there.]
Tatsumi's POV:
Slowly sitting on the couch, [instead of sitting in full throttle. My couch-racing gear is in the wash.] I whisper to no one, "I knew that you were with someone else." I could not heal those scars like another can. Feeling the warm tears roll down my face as I think, "I wonder who he is with. I know for a fact that it could not be Kurosaki." [Yes, because he told you as much. You're a bit of a thicko, aren't you?] He has been seeing a mortal which I could easily turn him in for, but I refuse to do that. Kurosaki is a nice kid and it wasn't his fault that he and Asato were together then. We were having a fight and Kurosaki was there for him. [Did I miss the last fifty million episodes of this soap? What the hell has happened?] Hearing the phone ring, I answer, "Hello."
A soft silk voice responds, "Hello, Mr. Tatsumi." [It's the worm voice again! HELLO DR. RAPE!]
I ask in anger, "What do you want, Muraki!?" All I want to do is kill this guy. How the hell did he get my number anyway? To my surprise, since the Kyoto case no one has meant an early death by his hands. [First it was sent instead of set, and now meant instead of met... I'm sensing a pattern here.] I wonder what his game is this time.
Muraki answers with a tilt of amusement in his voice, [The worms are leaning to one side! In other words, Muraki is smiling!] "I am upset with you, Mr. Tatsumi."
I ask, "What?" He sounds like he is upset but also trying to control his anger. In a way, it is the same that I do so many times. [Okay, I give up. All this amused, yet upset worm-tilting. I can't cope. WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN?]
He replies with a sigh, "You hurt Asato."
Not controlling my anger, I yell, "What did you say!?" I feel my angry boiling over with betrayal. [MY ANGRY IS MIGHTY! FEAR MY ANGRY!] It could not be Muraki he has been seeing. Asato would never go to the enemy. [Surely not! Not in every other episode! It is unpossible!]
Muraki answers, "I do not know what you did but he was in tears when I talked to him." His breathing slows down as he sighs before speaking again, "I have changed since the last time we met, and I do have regrets. I will never regret loving Asato. I did not call to torment you. Please take care of him and be nice to him." [Okay, we're starting to veer into the Woobie!Muraki territory now. The apologetic tone is only acceptable if he's angling for more mindfuckery later on.]
Hearing a click while speaking out loud, "Damn you, Muraki!" [Incidentally, author, these things called COMPLETE SENTENCES are great for clarity!] Walking to the window and watching the rain fall to the ground as I whisper to myself, "Are you with him, Asato?" So, that is what he meant when he said that he wished it was Kurosaki. Muraki, what have you done to him and how did you get him? Picking up my phone and dialing a number, I speak to myself, "I will find out what you are planning, Muraki." [This Tatsumi may be a bit thick and suffers from mood swings but he's at least vaguely recognisable as the canonical equivalent. I bet that's going to last!]
A sleepy voice answers, "Hello. This better be good."
I ask, "Kurosaki, do you know where Muraki lives?" ["Oh yes, just down Convenient Plot Device Avenue. I haven't gone there myself to avenge my horrible rape and murder, of course; I just thought I'd sit on this information until I can become useful in a stupid soap opera fanfic. Thanks for calling!"] Hearing shuffling and groaning that I would guess be Oriya. [What the fucking fuck?]
He answers, "No." He sighs before he speaks, "Don't go after him. I have a good idea why you are calling and asking where he lives." [We'll just forget he's a serial killer and a loony; what's really important is that he's been sleeping with your slut of a boyfriend!]
In a fearful voice, I ask, "Do you know that Asato has been with him?" Knowing that I have no desire to know that the man I love is with our enemy. [And yet, he just has to ask. The amazing Thicko!Tatsumi knows no logic!]
Hisoka answers with a regretful voice, "Sorry, Tatsumi, but he has been with Muraki. I know it sounds weird coming from me, but Muraki is different. [ENTERING WTFISTAN, PLEASE FASTEN YOUR SEATBELTS!] Tsuzuki is confuse by his emotions. Please, I'm begging you not to do anything that will hurt Tsuzuki." [Because he's the one in paaaaain here. Never mind Tatsumi's feelings at all. And Hisoka warning Tatsumi not to hurt Tsuzuki who's been buttsexing with Muraki? Tatsumi, who would do anything to keep Tsuzuki happy, with pies and kind words and pats on the head? The word irony doesn't even begin to describe it.]
Controlling my anger, I reply, "I will see you tomorrow for work." [One golden star for characterisation.] Hanging up the phone quickly and throwing a glass at the wall as I yell, "Damn you, Muraki!" I slid down to the floor as I begin to weep. [And next week, in The Days of Our Lives...]
Muraki's POV:
Hanging up the phone with a grin on my face, I whisper to myself, "That will keep you away from what is mine." [Another golden star of good characterisation!] Hearing foot steps, I turn around to face the purple eye angel, I dear so much. [...I'm taking back the golden star for this sudden shift to strange Moon language.] Holding out my hand to him, I speak with a gentle voice, "Oh, Asato. What is wrong, my dear?"
He runs to me and hugs me for dear life as he answers, "I should have remained friends with him and none of this would have happened."
Feeling his tears against my shirt, I respond while putting my arms around him, "Do not worry about him. He does not understand you like I do." Walking to the white couch with Asato in my arms, [So, he's... dragging Tsuzuki with him? How romantic!] I whisper, "I will not let anyone hurt you. I promise, Asato." He trembles in my arms and I let him cry all the pain out. He and I have been seeing each other for a month now. It has been so hard for him and I wish I could take away all that pain from him. Mr. Tatsumi will think I did something to his friend to gain him. To my surprise, the boy learned to trust me a little with his partner's life. I guess it was Oriya who helped him with trusting me. [I really wish someone had summarised those last fifty million episodes of this soap so that I could catch up. Hisoka and Muraki just had some "trust issues", ooh, I see; that's what they call "gruesome rape and murder" these days. A little buttsexing with Muraki's favourite pimp friend will fix that right up.] Looking down, I ask, "Better?" He nods his head against my shoulder. I guess he does not wish to speak of what happened between him and his ex-lover.
Asato asks in a timid voice, "Do you really love me?" [No, he doesn't. He's a psychopath. And you need serious help.]
Shock by the question, it takes a few moments to speak, "Yes, of course, I love you." He has no idea how much I love him. [Maybe if he tortures and kills a thousand puppies it'll all become clear!] It has been almost two years since I tried to take his body to bring Saki back. [Two fucking years and their lives have been taken over by a cheap soap? That was fast.] That was my biggest regret of them all. Of course, I regret killing people as well, but I almost gave up the one person who can see the real me. Even Oriya, after all the years we have been friends does not know the true me. [So, he regrets almost killing a person who he can relate to the most. Yeah, that's ever so apologetic. All is forgiven! Join the Jedi, Dr. Rape! Here's your blue lightsabre!] Sighing, I speak up, "Asato, it is late. Let's go to bed."
He looks up at me and asks, "Can I stay with you tonight?"
Raising an eyebrow at him, I answer, "Of course, you can. It is not like we have not been in the same bed before." He flinches and I know that I said something wrong to him. [Was it the reference to all the sexy rape? Or just my dodgy use of contractions?] Shaking my head at myself, I reply, "Sorry for that. I did not mean anything by it." Of all the time we have been seeing each other, there was only one time did we sleep together. [And ever since, Tsuzuki has been flinching whenever someone reminds him of it. That, and clutching his ass and whimpering. Y'know, like you do when you're in love.] I believe it was due to the fact that he had a huge fight with Mr. Tatsumi. Swearing under my breath as I think, "I will not let you hurt him any more than you have, Mr. Tatsumi."
Asato mumbles, "I should have listened to you from the start."
[Y'know, Muraki's characterisation is so accurate it's creepy. They should show this fic to people who have trouble understanding what coercion and emotional manipulation means and why people like me get so bent out of shape when it's portrayed as romantic. IT ARE RAEP.]
Walking with him in my arms, I reply, "People make mistakes. You can only learn from them." He looks up at me with his purple eyes [Yes, they are purple. They have a motherfunkin' song on the OST about Tsuzuki's eye colour; I doubt we need another reminder. Move along, ma'am.] in question. Shaking my head, I explain, "I do have regrets, Asato. You were right about me." We walk in the master bedroom and I lay him down on the bed while sitting on the edge of the bed. [Are there rose petals? There better be some damn rose petals or I'm going to feel so gypped!] Slowly pulling the blankets around my angel of death, I explain in a soft voice, "You told me once that I was lying to myself. You were right. I could not let go of my revenge and for that I was becoming the person I hate the most." [Ooookay, we're in Woobieland again. But otherwise, wow, good job! You've demonstrated exactly why Muraki is the creepy baddie of the series! Just look at the way he manipulates Tsuzuki and antagonises his friends! He even convinced him that the breakup was all Tatsumi's fault. Wonderful.]
[Wait, that wasn't your point? FUCK.]
*Flashback* [But whose flashback is it? I can't tell without the handy-dandy POV stamps!]
Walking down the street with all white on, I look up at the dark sky and mumble, "It is raining again." [I guess this is the flashback of some mental institute patient.] It has been like this for four days now. Hating the rain with a passion because it just makes me relive my past. [Four days he's been hating the rain and shaking his fist to the skies, but does the bastard care? No!] Sighing to myself while I see a bar across the street. Wondering if they have some red wine inside, [No, all the red wine is sold outside in the dark alley, where the other goth kids hang out.] I walk across the street to go to the bar for a few drinks. Today was horrible at the hospital. Walking inside the small bar, I notice there are not many people here. Sighing, I think, "This place is not to my taste." ["I prefer something large and crowded, with techno and E. And red wine. Shit, I'm so confused. Who the fuck am I, anyway?"] Something catches my eye and I turn to find the one I have been thinking about for almost two years now. Realizing that he has not noticed me sitting next to him as I take a seat beside him. [He's sitting next to him before he sits down! Wow! Must be magic!] Speaking up to the barmaid, "Some red wine and get this young gentleman whatever he is drinking." She nods and her blonde hair flies every where. It is amusing how people act. [I admit the spontaneous shearing demonstration must look kind of funny. Maybe this is a Dadaist bar. When you ask for a Margarita, they hit you on the head with a platypus and talk about the dark side of the Moon for ten minutes.]
He says without looking at me, "Thanks, for the drink." [And not for the show, although that was funny as well. Not to worry, barmaid, everybody digs a bald chick! Just ask Britney!]
Replying to him, "Anytime, but I do wonder why you would be getting drunk, Mr. Tsuzuki." He turns around to stare at me with his drunken purple eyes. [Okay, that's it, time to call it a day. His EYES ARE DRUNK. Let's get them home and pour some water into them before they try to drive.] Chuckling as he finally realizes who is sitting next to him. [Chuckling? No amount of alcohol causes that big of a memory block.] Whispering next to his ear, "Do not worry, guardian of death. I am not here to kill you or anything like that." To my surprise, he just gives me a sad smile.
He explains after downing his drink, "I didn't think that. Well, okay I did, but I really don't care at this point."
To my surprise to see that he can talk straight. [Unlike me. What with the shearing and the platypus, I'm plastered.] He really looks like he has been here for hours. Staring at him while slipping my wine, I ask, "Why are you here, Mr. Tsuzuki?"
He answers in a cold voice, "Same as you. Bad day and bad mood." [Bad mood swings, more like. He was just chuckling and smiling at his old enemy, and now it's Ice Princess time?]
Looking at my glass, I whisper, "Sorry for what I have done." [Well, that wasn't random or anything! But nice of him to apologise. Always remember to apologise after torturing and stalking someone, kids!] Finally having a chance to say that to him. I longed to say those words to this man. Never having the time to see him in the other world. [I assume you're speaking of the canonical world, instead of this bizarro universe.] Alone, I think that his friends would kill me before I could speak to him.
He raises his eyebrow at me as he speaks, "I never thought you would feel guilt, Muraki."
Sighing to myself, I respond, "I once believe I would never have regrets for what I did. To my surprise that is not what happened. After all that happened, I learned something that I refused to accept then."
Asato asks, "What is that?"
Answering him while I turn my face away from him, "That I was becoming like Saki."
[Decapitated?]
He tilts his head to the side as he replies, "I don't know who Saki is, but he must been a bastard. I am glad you are changing."
Laughing as I ask, "How do you know I have changed, Mr. Tsuzuki?" [See, even Muraki can't help but laugh at his own bullshit.]
Asato gives me a gentle smile while stating, "You haven't killed anyone for these past two years and by the looks of it, you are strong enough to fight again." [By that logic, we should open all prison doors right now. Hey, they haven't killed anyone for the past five minutes! That must mean they're okay now and all is forgiven!]
To my surprise, he is wearing black jeans and has his dress shirt untuck. [INSERT HAWT FANART HERE] Replying in a sad tone, "Yes, I am strong enough to fight against you, but that is not the reason why I am here. To be honest, I never knew you were here." Looking out the door that is now open, I state, "I hate the rain." It is cold and pain fills these scars that do not let me go. [How can scars be filled? How can they cling to something? Oh, never mind. Maybe it's the Dadaist drinks talking.] When it rains, it makes me think of Saki. Why did I want him back? Was I not glad that he was dead? [...Did you even watch Yami no Matsuei? Read the manga? Anything?] Is this what that boy thinks when he sees me? The revenge I felt all these years is unforgivable. Jumping slightly when I feel a hand on my shoulder. As I look over to see Asato standing up, I ask, "When will I be able to see you again?" Knowing I have no right to ask that question to a man I almost killed for my own revenge. [I see "revenge" is a word like "regret"; tossed around to excuse the actions of a PSYCHO KILLER. I just can't stress that enough. There aren't enough capslocks in the world. Muraki is, in the words of Eddie Izzard, a murdering fuckhead. End of story. People with strong psychopathic tendencies don't just wake up one morning full of regret and join Psychos Anonymous.]
Asato answers, "I would like to have company right now. Hisoka is with his lover and I almost messed up his relationship with Oriya once before." [I'm just going to stick my fingers in my ears and ignore this pairing from the black lagoon.]
Falling off my stool as I hear who the boy is seeing. I never knew Oriya felt that way for anyone but for myself. [And the boy you killed! Wow, what a weird coincidence! I'm totally buying all this, by the way!] Asato looks at me confuse as I explain, "I find it hard to believe, boy, would like my friend." [Put down the commas before you hurt someone.]
Asato tilts his head as he states, "As long as he is happy that is all that matters to me." [And clearly he's happy dating the pimp whose BFF is the biggest baddie in your universe. Of course. Glad you're taking such good care of your partner, Tsuzuki. It's not like you'd recognise a healthy relationship if it raped you in the ass.] He moves his foot back and forth before asking, "Would you like to take a walk with me?"
Looking outside to see what the weather is like before answering, "Yes." Throwing money down on the bar for our drinks, [Here in the Dadaist bar, they only accept small change thrown angrily at something.] I walk away with the man I find myself in love with. When did that happen? [WELL, YOU TELL ME.] How could I let myself fall in love? I never wanted that in my life. [Ooh, yes. All that stalking Tsuzuki and buying him red roses and touching him creepily every chance you got was intended to push Tsuzuki further away. I'm totally buying this, too.] We walk in silence and I start to wonder why he is upset. Asking the question that is making me upset while we walk to the park, "What is bothering you, Mr. Tsuzuki?"
He stops dead in his tracks while looking up at the dark sky, he responds, "I had a fight with Tatsumi." He takes a seat on the bench before explaining, "Tatsumi is my lover now." [In case you missed it, that was our big plot twist three weeks ago. It was the last episode of the season and the ratings went through the roof!]
Finding my heart stop beating a few beats of learning my beloved is with some other man. Sighing to myself once again. It is not like I own this man [Come on, you can admit you think you do!] and he has every right to be with someone who loves him. I found out in Kyoto that Mr. Tatsumi was in love with him. [I guess I must've missed that episode, too.] Taking a seat next to this beautiful man, I ask, "Do you want to talk about it?" [Oh, Dr. Rape, you are so good. Hold me.]
Asato answers without looking at me, "I just don't understand him. Every time we are at work, he refuses to look at me. I mean everyone knows of our relationship." He stops talking to take a breath before he speaks again, "I guess he still has doubts about me being with him."
Staring at a man who is supposed to be my enemy, [You're not fooling anyone at this point.] I ask, "What do you mean?"
He shakes his head and answers with sadness in his voice, "I had an affair with Hisoka. [Oh God, this is bad. Never mind Days of Our Lives; we're down to Sweet Valley High level now. Ohmigod, like, I'm totally dating Tatsumi now, but he's all like, whatever, and Hisoka and me sorta got together and d'you wanna swap nail polish tips?] That is what I meant when I almost messed up his relationship with Oriya. I had a fight with Tatsumi and Hisoka was there. I don't know why he agreed to be with me back then." [I don't know why any of you do what you do in this fic, but don't mind me, I'm just the lowly reader. Why explain things to me?]
Pulling out a cigarette from my pocket, I light the cancer stick. I really should stop smoking, but I never cared about my heath too much. Even if I stopped with killing, my powers are still here. [Thanks for this message, doctor!] Taking a drag and exhaling the grey smoke before replying, "People make mistakes."
Asato looks at me with kindness, he asks, "Can I ask you a question, Muraki?"
Staring at him and answering, "Sure, but you already asked a question."
He giggles as he replies, "Guess I did." He turns his head to hide the blush that is raising in his face as he asks, "Do you love me or is it lust?" [Would you like some white frilly underwear you can wear while painting your nails and gossiping about boys? Or is white lace soooo last season?]
I have to think about that question. Is it really love I feel for this man? [I guess I just never came to think of it before, what with all the obsessing and the stalking!] It could be lust. Looking up at the dark sky and knowing the answer to his question without thinking to long. I love him and only him. He is the reason why I stopped from killing. [Coincidentally, he was also the reason he used to kill, at least on one occasion. Isn't it wonderful how it all balances out?] I only wish that I figured that out sooner. It would have stopped me from killing people back then. [Yeah, just keep finding excuses for the fact that YOU LOVE KILLING AND TORTURING PEOPLE.] Throwing my cigarette to the ground and watching it burn the rest of the way down, I answer, "I do love you, Asato Tsuzuki." Turning to look at his beautiful eyes that I get lost into. To my surprise, he leans into me and kisses me. I know this is because he had a fight with his lover. He pulls back while blushing. I pull him to myself and push my lips against his soft rosy lips to kiss him again. Licking his bottom lip for permission to go farther, he parts his lips while I push my tongue into his mouth. I could get lost into the taste my beloved has. He is so sweet. Pulling away from him to let us breath, I ask, "Is that what you want or is it because you had a fight with your lover, Mr. Tsuzuki?” [But you know the answer already! God, is the stupid virus spreading?]
He turns his face from me as he replies, “Sorry. I didn’t mean to make you upset.” He stops to catch his breath before he stutters, “I just feel alone.”
Grabbing his chin with my hand and turning him to look at me as I state, “I never said I was upset. It doesn’t bother me.” [Helping you cheat on your boyfriend doesn't bother me in the slightest as long as it gets me some hawt uke ass. This should prove to you that I'm totally on the light side of the Force now and all about happiness and puppies!] My eyes are betraying my answer because he standing up with anger in his eyes for what I just said.
Asato states in anger, “You are lying! Stop lying to yourself and stop lying to me!” [That's it, Asato; stand up to the mean football star who was cheating on you with Lindsey! ...Wait, where in Sweet Valley were we?]
I watch him run away from me. Feeling the warm tears running down my face, I whisper to no one but myself, “You are right, Asato.” I hate you being with someone else. He can never understand you like I can. [Creepy stalkery goes so wonderfully with the romance, don't you think?]
*Flashback Ends*
Looking down to see my beloved is fast asleep. It was only two days after our meeting in that bar that we slept together. I did care at the time and thought it would end the way I loved this man. That never happened because my heart still beats for this man. Sighing to myself, I stand up to only to feel a hand grab my arm. Looking down to see purple eyes pleading with me to stay. I ask this man I cannot stop loving [Enough with "this man", okay? Jeez. That's the third time in this paragraph. I'm pretty damn convinced you're not talking about that man over there.], “What is it that you want, my dear Asato?”
He answers with sadness in his eyes, “Just stay with me and hold me. Please, Kazutaka.” [First name alert! Ask The X-Files fandom how jarring that can be. I understand that Tsuzuki is hopelessly enthralled by Dr. Rape's sexy worm voice and mindfuckery, but still.]
Lying down next to him and putting an arm around his waist while he lays his head on my chest. I hear his soft breathing that singles him going to sleep. [...Singles? I don't speak Moonish.] I think, “I will protect you, Asato. No matter what I will be the one who will save you like you saved me from my past.” [Perhaps he'll freeze Tsuzuki and keep him in a fridge forever and ever. Time cannot touch their beautiful love!]
To be continued in the second post, because this first chapter is massive.
For those of you not in the early yaoi loop, this animanga is Yami no Matsuei (Descendants of Darkness), my guilty pleasure from my teenage anime fangirl years. (I'm now a much more mature fangirl, which basically means I want believable character development with my shameless manporn.) I'd like to point out that I've never read the English translation, nor watched the anime with official subs, so I have no idea how much the translation can be blamed for characterisation crimes (FAKE, Tokyopop, Dee the Insufferable Asshole; here's a rant for later times). Today's fic seems to be solely based on the 13-episode-long anime, however, so I don't think there's much chance of confusion here. Well, unless you count the fact that it's written using strange Moon grammar and characters from some cheap Sweet Valley High knock-off.
Let me get the ranty part over with first. This fic turns a major canon villain into one of the good guys, and does this by simply ignoring his evilness. Never mind that the canon - in this case, the anime canon - clearly shows Muraki is a) a sadistic psychopath, b) a serial killer, c) a rapist and d) a mad scientist with no respect for human life. Yes, he manages all this and more in the 13 episodes of Yami no Matsuei. Now, call me ol' Pessimisticpants if you wish, but somehow I doubt it was all just a big mistake that a well-written fanfic can correct and show that the REAL Muraki is just a fluffy darling honeywuggums.
Ooohh, but he's PRETTY and he molests MEN. Of course, that makes rape perfectly acceptable. Let's just ignore that he also likes to molest and kill thirteen-year-old children; he has TEH GHEY and therefore all else is forgiven. Don't take me wrong, I think Muraki is pretty damn effective as a villain, even if he always seems to appear with roses and cherry blossoms and white feathers. He also has some Canon Stuish powers that are never properly explained, but never mind, he still creeps me out successfully. It's romancing him that I have a problem with. I can't take any romantic pairing with him in it seriously. Fucked-up porn, sure, but leave the WAFFy bullshit out of it. This guy is a PSYCHO. He has creepy obsessions, yes, but those do not a romance make. He's also done pretty horrible things to most other canonical characters; the only reason I see why they'd want a lovey-dovey relationship with him is Stockholm Syndrome. Mind control optional.
It's not that this fic's Muraki even acts that different from his canonical equivalent. Seriously, the characterisation is pretty decent. We're just expected to believe that his creepy stalkery is now cute and romantic. I think that disturbs me more than fucking with the canon.
But that's enough of that. Let's see what happens when Woobie!Muraki and the love of his life fight against Mary Sues and incomprehensible sentence structure in the Sweet Valley High version of Enma-chou!
Two of a Kind: ( Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ) [I doubt the author is old enough to read her own masterpiece.]
Anime/Manga: Yami No Matsuei [Characterisation: Sweet Valley High.]
Genre(s): Drama / Hentai [Every time I see this "genre" listed, I expect tentacle-on-schoolgirl action. But do I ever get it? NO.]/ Romance | Type: Yaoi
Author: Sueona [Aww, I love it when Suethors are self-aware! Good for you, ficcer!]
Summary: It has been two years after Kyoto and Muraki appears once again. Muraki and Tsuzuki both have changed since then and are learning from their past mistakes. [Gleeful serial killing? Raping and cruelly torturing a child? Just simple mistakes, folks!] What does that mean for those two? [Buttsex. It's always buttsex. It's been scientifically proven that every time a fangirl asks a question in their fic summary, the answer has to do with one man screwing another in the butt.] A young girl comes into the picture and asks for help. Who is this girl and what does she want from Muraki and Tsuzuki? [She's a Sue and she wants them to have lovey-dovey buttsex. See? The theory works!]
Disclaimer: I do not own any characters of Yami No Matsuei. I wish I did, but if I did I would not being writing fanfiction. [On the other hand, you might have an editor who'd hit you with a red pen every now and then.]
Warning: Bad language and yaoi. (Boy and boy love.) [Are you kidding me? Everyone's browsing Mediaminer for the buttsex. They sure as hell know what yaoi means. It means fics just like this.] [At least the bad language part is an appropriate warning. The English language weeps for what this author has done to it.]
Notes: Please review and tell me what you think. This is my second try of Yami No Matsuei fanfiction. [I'm always so desperate to know how many fics the author has written before the current one, aren't you?] I am not sure if I made the first chapter too long, so if you would be so kind to tell me what you think about the length of the chapter, I would like that very much.
Chapter One: Into Enemy's Arms
Tsuzuki's POV: [Get used to seeing these little POV stamps. There's going to be a new one every other paragraph by the end of this fic. They don't make this fic any less confusing to read.]
Slowly walking down the path of the cherry blossoms to the apartment that awaits me as I ask myself with fear in my broken heart, "Will you be waiting for me?" [Melodrama and a fractured sentence, right off the bat. Wonderful.] He has not waited for me for the past three nights, so I doubt he will do it now. Each step draws me near the apartment [That tends to happen when you walk towards it, yes.] that I can't call home anymore. Since the night, [Someone take this poor little orphan comma home where it belongs!] I left without a word to him and went to another man, the one who holds power over my soul. With trembling hands I take hold of the door knob and open it slowly [discovering that inside every doorknob, there's delicious candy!] waiting for my fate to crush me with its strong powers. [Hold on, I'm going to get my magnifying glass and find your violin for you...] Walking into the dark home, I take off my tench coat [I see spellcheck was just too much toil and trouble.] and set it to the side. I start to feel like someone is watching every movement I make. Almost falling on my ass as I turn around to see shiny blue eyes staring at me [is not a sentence, and I wish ficcers would realise that the dramatic effect of cutting a sentence in half like this is pretty damn minimal when it happens thrice in one paragraph]. The eyes are questioning me without a word being said. [They're also apparently glowing, because how else could Tsuzuki notice they're blue in the dark room?] Walking towards the couch in the middle of the large living room that I share with my lover and sitting down in a comfortable position before I ask, "What's wrong?" [This ficcer is clearly in love with the -ing form. And it's only going to get worse.]
He speaks in a low tone to hide his anger, "I was going to ask you the same question. This is the forth night that you have been out to all early morning hours." [All of them? Methinks this guy speaks in a low tone to hide his awkward grasp of his mother tongue, not his butthurt feelings.]
This will lead to an argument that we have been having for the past two months. Only if he knew that I have been doing this for almost a month now. [Are you confused yet? I know I am.] Sighing to myself while stating, "I don't know what to say to you, Seiichiro." [First name alert! First name alert!] Looking in his blue eyes [Yes, you told us they're blue. Thanks. You can move on to more meaningful details now.] that I once got lost into is nothing more than pain to my forsaken heart. It breaks my soul piece by piece that I will end this mean less relationship tonight.
[*plays Devil's Trill on the microscopic violin*]
He turns his head and asks in a sad tone, "Were you with Kurosaki again?"
Only if that was the case, then I wouldn't feel pain like someone tearing out my heart. Willing myself to stand up and walk to the glass window to look at the dark cold night that my heart feels inside. [So, for the record: his heart is broken and forsaken, and it feels like someone's tearing it out, and also like there's a dark, cold night inside. Wow! Even in shoujo manga standards, that's a pretty big accomplishment!] In a shy voice, I answer his question without looking at him, "No. He wasn't the one I was with, but part of me wishes I was." Exhaling a deep breath, I whisper, "This relationship is pointless." [I agree, since we haven't yet heard a thing about how or why they're suddenly lovers.] Feeling his arms around my waist and pulling away from him. [...Yes?] I turn around to see him for the last time knowing full well that I will return to another man's arms. [And this week, in Days of Our Lives...] Speaking up for him to hear, "It is over, Seiirchio Tatsumi. ["Or whatever your name is. I can't even be arsed to check; I'm leaving you anyway."] This relationship is nothing but a false illusion." He gives me a sad look that I wish I didn't have to be cruel to him. [Tatsumi was angry when Tsuzuki walked in. What happened to that? I don't recall Tatsumi having insane mood swings every other minute.] Reaching for my cigarettes in my pocket and lighting one up, I mumble, "I will get my things tomorrow." [Since when does Tsuzuki smoke? Since it looks tragic and sexycool?] Without a second glace, I walk away from his teary blue eyes. [The rest of him, he could date. But those fucking blue eyes have to go. They're so... blue. Blueblueblue. HEY EVERYBODY! TATSUMI HAS BLUE EYES! NEWS AT TEN!] Stopping by the door as I hear him mumbling something, I reply without the knowledge of what he said, "I have been seeing someone else for the past month." Turning around and seeing his blue eyes [Stop it!] turn from sadness to anger, [as he flicks a switch and ignores his medication] I state, "I been coming home late for a month and you haven't noticed until now." [Yeah, clearly not. That's why he was sitting there waiting for you, furious. That's just what Tatsumi likes to do, practice his angry sitting routine. Nothing to do with you being a slut.] Putting my tench coat back on and hurrying out the door before anything else can be said that will end our friendship as well. Of course, I know that it is the end. We should have remained friends and none of this would have happened. Once I walk outside the cold wind blows against my body. Reaching for my cell phone, I think, "I hope he will not be upset with me calling so late." I dial the number while leaning against the tree for support.
A sleepy silk voice answers, "Hello." [A hoarse voice made by worms? SEXY!]
I think of things to say to him. What do I say? Do I even want to talk to him? I'm afraid of talking to him, but I'm also afraid he will hang up on me. In a shaky voice, I ask, "Can I come over?" Feeling warm tears running down my checks as I hear shuffling. [And the sound of inging. Ing ing ing.] He must be sitting up now. I wish I didn't call him so late. He is upset with me, and I just know it. My mind is going in circles as my heart is racing. [*adds to the list* Busy little fella, that heart.]
He answers, "Of course, you can come. You are more than welcome to come or call at anytime, my dear Asato." [Ah, now this sounds familiar. The polite creepiness is certainly right on the money. Well done, ficcer!]
My body warms quickly by the way my name rolls off of his tongue. I ask, "Why do you love a demon like me? [Hi! Just making casual conversation here!] How can you love someone who hurts others by words?" [God, stop whining. I'm annoyed with you already. The canonical Tsuzuki has heaps of angst and suicidal tendencies, too, but even he doesn't whine at olympic level like this self-centred asshole.] He is the only one who can heal these scars. [Makes sense. He's a doctor. OH WAIT AND A PSYCHOPATHIC LOONY.] I keep asking myself, "Why is it him?" While waiting for an answer, I listen to his soft breathing.
He finally speaks up, "My dear sweet angel of death, you are so much like myself. You are the second part of my soul as I am a second part of your soul." [Once again, Muraki's characterisation is perfect. What I don't understand is how this could be seen as sweet or romantic. It screams "fucking creepy" to me, but maybe I'm just psychophobic or something. I guess I better get some sensitivity training.]
Watching the smoke disappear through the wind, I respond, "I'll be over in a few." I hang up the phone and start walking. Part of me doesn't want to leave, but my body tells me that this is the one who can sent me free. Telling myself, "Do not look back." Never look back and it will go away at least that is what I tell myself every day. [He learnt all this from listening to his cock. Tsuzuki, one piece of advice: don't listen to your cock. It tends to point to anyone in front of you, no matter what kind of a murderous maniac is standing there.]
Tatsumi's POV:
Slowly sitting on the couch, [instead of sitting in full throttle. My couch-racing gear is in the wash.] I whisper to no one, "I knew that you were with someone else." I could not heal those scars like another can. Feeling the warm tears roll down my face as I think, "I wonder who he is with. I know for a fact that it could not be Kurosaki." [Yes, because he told you as much. You're a bit of a thicko, aren't you?] He has been seeing a mortal which I could easily turn him in for, but I refuse to do that. Kurosaki is a nice kid and it wasn't his fault that he and Asato were together then. We were having a fight and Kurosaki was there for him. [Did I miss the last fifty million episodes of this soap? What the hell has happened?] Hearing the phone ring, I answer, "Hello."
A soft silk voice responds, "Hello, Mr. Tatsumi." [It's the worm voice again! HELLO DR. RAPE!]
I ask in anger, "What do you want, Muraki!?" All I want to do is kill this guy. How the hell did he get my number anyway? To my surprise, since the Kyoto case no one has meant an early death by his hands. [First it was sent instead of set, and now meant instead of met... I'm sensing a pattern here.] I wonder what his game is this time.
Muraki answers with a tilt of amusement in his voice, [The worms are leaning to one side! In other words, Muraki is smiling!] "I am upset with you, Mr. Tatsumi."
I ask, "What?" He sounds like he is upset but also trying to control his anger. In a way, it is the same that I do so many times. [Okay, I give up. All this amused, yet upset worm-tilting. I can't cope. WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN?]
He replies with a sigh, "You hurt Asato."
Not controlling my anger, I yell, "What did you say!?" I feel my angry boiling over with betrayal. [MY ANGRY IS MIGHTY! FEAR MY ANGRY!] It could not be Muraki he has been seeing. Asato would never go to the enemy. [Surely not! Not in every other episode! It is unpossible!]
Muraki answers, "I do not know what you did but he was in tears when I talked to him." His breathing slows down as he sighs before speaking again, "I have changed since the last time we met, and I do have regrets. I will never regret loving Asato. I did not call to torment you. Please take care of him and be nice to him." [Okay, we're starting to veer into the Woobie!Muraki territory now. The apologetic tone is only acceptable if he's angling for more mindfuckery later on.]
Hearing a click while speaking out loud, "Damn you, Muraki!" [Incidentally, author, these things called COMPLETE SENTENCES are great for clarity!] Walking to the window and watching the rain fall to the ground as I whisper to myself, "Are you with him, Asato?" So, that is what he meant when he said that he wished it was Kurosaki. Muraki, what have you done to him and how did you get him? Picking up my phone and dialing a number, I speak to myself, "I will find out what you are planning, Muraki." [This Tatsumi may be a bit thick and suffers from mood swings but he's at least vaguely recognisable as the canonical equivalent. I bet that's going to last!]
A sleepy voice answers, "Hello. This better be good."
I ask, "Kurosaki, do you know where Muraki lives?" ["Oh yes, just down Convenient Plot Device Avenue. I haven't gone there myself to avenge my horrible rape and murder, of course; I just thought I'd sit on this information until I can become useful in a stupid soap opera fanfic. Thanks for calling!"] Hearing shuffling and groaning that I would guess be Oriya. [What the fucking fuck?]
He answers, "No." He sighs before he speaks, "Don't go after him. I have a good idea why you are calling and asking where he lives." [We'll just forget he's a serial killer and a loony; what's really important is that he's been sleeping with your slut of a boyfriend!]
In a fearful voice, I ask, "Do you know that Asato has been with him?" Knowing that I have no desire to know that the man I love is with our enemy. [And yet, he just has to ask. The amazing Thicko!Tatsumi knows no logic!]
Hisoka answers with a regretful voice, "Sorry, Tatsumi, but he has been with Muraki. I know it sounds weird coming from me, but Muraki is different. [ENTERING WTFISTAN, PLEASE FASTEN YOUR SEATBELTS!] Tsuzuki is confuse by his emotions. Please, I'm begging you not to do anything that will hurt Tsuzuki." [Because he's the one in paaaaain here. Never mind Tatsumi's feelings at all. And Hisoka warning Tatsumi not to hurt Tsuzuki who's been buttsexing with Muraki? Tatsumi, who would do anything to keep Tsuzuki happy, with pies and kind words and pats on the head? The word irony doesn't even begin to describe it.]
Controlling my anger, I reply, "I will see you tomorrow for work." [One golden star for characterisation.] Hanging up the phone quickly and throwing a glass at the wall as I yell, "Damn you, Muraki!" I slid down to the floor as I begin to weep. [And next week, in The Days of Our Lives...]
Muraki's POV:
Hanging up the phone with a grin on my face, I whisper to myself, "That will keep you away from what is mine." [Another golden star of good characterisation!] Hearing foot steps, I turn around to face the purple eye angel, I dear so much. [...I'm taking back the golden star for this sudden shift to strange Moon language.] Holding out my hand to him, I speak with a gentle voice, "Oh, Asato. What is wrong, my dear?"
He runs to me and hugs me for dear life as he answers, "I should have remained friends with him and none of this would have happened."
Feeling his tears against my shirt, I respond while putting my arms around him, "Do not worry about him. He does not understand you like I do." Walking to the white couch with Asato in my arms, [So, he's... dragging Tsuzuki with him? How romantic!] I whisper, "I will not let anyone hurt you. I promise, Asato." He trembles in my arms and I let him cry all the pain out. He and I have been seeing each other for a month now. It has been so hard for him and I wish I could take away all that pain from him. Mr. Tatsumi will think I did something to his friend to gain him. To my surprise, the boy learned to trust me a little with his partner's life. I guess it was Oriya who helped him with trusting me. [I really wish someone had summarised those last fifty million episodes of this soap so that I could catch up. Hisoka and Muraki just had some "trust issues", ooh, I see; that's what they call "gruesome rape and murder" these days. A little buttsexing with Muraki's favourite pimp friend will fix that right up.] Looking down, I ask, "Better?" He nods his head against my shoulder. I guess he does not wish to speak of what happened between him and his ex-lover.
Asato asks in a timid voice, "Do you really love me?" [No, he doesn't. He's a psychopath. And you need serious help.]
Shock by the question, it takes a few moments to speak, "Yes, of course, I love you." He has no idea how much I love him. [Maybe if he tortures and kills a thousand puppies it'll all become clear!] It has been almost two years since I tried to take his body to bring Saki back. [Two fucking years and their lives have been taken over by a cheap soap? That was fast.] That was my biggest regret of them all. Of course, I regret killing people as well, but I almost gave up the one person who can see the real me. Even Oriya, after all the years we have been friends does not know the true me. [So, he regrets almost killing a person who he can relate to the most. Yeah, that's ever so apologetic. All is forgiven! Join the Jedi, Dr. Rape! Here's your blue lightsabre!] Sighing, I speak up, "Asato, it is late. Let's go to bed."
He looks up at me and asks, "Can I stay with you tonight?"
Raising an eyebrow at him, I answer, "Of course, you can. It is not like we have not been in the same bed before." He flinches and I know that I said something wrong to him. [Was it the reference to all the sexy rape? Or just my dodgy use of contractions?] Shaking my head at myself, I reply, "Sorry for that. I did not mean anything by it." Of all the time we have been seeing each other, there was only one time did we sleep together. [And ever since, Tsuzuki has been flinching whenever someone reminds him of it. That, and clutching his ass and whimpering. Y'know, like you do when you're in love.] I believe it was due to the fact that he had a huge fight with Mr. Tatsumi. Swearing under my breath as I think, "I will not let you hurt him any more than you have, Mr. Tatsumi."
Asato mumbles, "I should have listened to you from the start."
[Y'know, Muraki's characterisation is so accurate it's creepy. They should show this fic to people who have trouble understanding what coercion and emotional manipulation means and why people like me get so bent out of shape when it's portrayed as romantic. IT ARE RAEP.]
Walking with him in my arms, I reply, "People make mistakes. You can only learn from them." He looks up at me with his purple eyes [Yes, they are purple. They have a motherfunkin' song on the OST about Tsuzuki's eye colour; I doubt we need another reminder. Move along, ma'am.] in question. Shaking my head, I explain, "I do have regrets, Asato. You were right about me." We walk in the master bedroom and I lay him down on the bed while sitting on the edge of the bed. [Are there rose petals? There better be some damn rose petals or I'm going to feel so gypped!] Slowly pulling the blankets around my angel of death, I explain in a soft voice, "You told me once that I was lying to myself. You were right. I could not let go of my revenge and for that I was becoming the person I hate the most." [Ooookay, we're in Woobieland again. But otherwise, wow, good job! You've demonstrated exactly why Muraki is the creepy baddie of the series! Just look at the way he manipulates Tsuzuki and antagonises his friends! He even convinced him that the breakup was all Tatsumi's fault. Wonderful.]
[Wait, that wasn't your point? FUCK.]
*Flashback* [But whose flashback is it? I can't tell without the handy-dandy POV stamps!]
Walking down the street with all white on, I look up at the dark sky and mumble, "It is raining again." [I guess this is the flashback of some mental institute patient.] It has been like this for four days now. Hating the rain with a passion because it just makes me relive my past. [Four days he's been hating the rain and shaking his fist to the skies, but does the bastard care? No!] Sighing to myself while I see a bar across the street. Wondering if they have some red wine inside, [No, all the red wine is sold outside in the dark alley, where the other goth kids hang out.] I walk across the street to go to the bar for a few drinks. Today was horrible at the hospital. Walking inside the small bar, I notice there are not many people here. Sighing, I think, "This place is not to my taste." ["I prefer something large and crowded, with techno and E. And red wine. Shit, I'm so confused. Who the fuck am I, anyway?"] Something catches my eye and I turn to find the one I have been thinking about for almost two years now. Realizing that he has not noticed me sitting next to him as I take a seat beside him. [He's sitting next to him before he sits down! Wow! Must be magic!] Speaking up to the barmaid, "Some red wine and get this young gentleman whatever he is drinking." She nods and her blonde hair flies every where. It is amusing how people act. [I admit the spontaneous shearing demonstration must look kind of funny. Maybe this is a Dadaist bar. When you ask for a Margarita, they hit you on the head with a platypus and talk about the dark side of the Moon for ten minutes.]
He says without looking at me, "Thanks, for the drink." [And not for the show, although that was funny as well. Not to worry, barmaid, everybody digs a bald chick! Just ask Britney!]
Replying to him, "Anytime, but I do wonder why you would be getting drunk, Mr. Tsuzuki." He turns around to stare at me with his drunken purple eyes. [Okay, that's it, time to call it a day. His EYES ARE DRUNK. Let's get them home and pour some water into them before they try to drive.] Chuckling as he finally realizes who is sitting next to him. [Chuckling? No amount of alcohol causes that big of a memory block.] Whispering next to his ear, "Do not worry, guardian of death. I am not here to kill you or anything like that." To my surprise, he just gives me a sad smile.
He explains after downing his drink, "I didn't think that. Well, okay I did, but I really don't care at this point."
To my surprise to see that he can talk straight. [Unlike me. What with the shearing and the platypus, I'm plastered.] He really looks like he has been here for hours. Staring at him while slipping my wine, I ask, "Why are you here, Mr. Tsuzuki?"
He answers in a cold voice, "Same as you. Bad day and bad mood." [Bad mood swings, more like. He was just chuckling and smiling at his old enemy, and now it's Ice Princess time?]
Looking at my glass, I whisper, "Sorry for what I have done." [Well, that wasn't random or anything! But nice of him to apologise. Always remember to apologise after torturing and stalking someone, kids!] Finally having a chance to say that to him. I longed to say those words to this man. Never having the time to see him in the other world. [I assume you're speaking of the canonical world, instead of this bizarro universe.] Alone, I think that his friends would kill me before I could speak to him.
He raises his eyebrow at me as he speaks, "I never thought you would feel guilt, Muraki."
Sighing to myself, I respond, "I once believe I would never have regrets for what I did. To my surprise that is not what happened. After all that happened, I learned something that I refused to accept then."
Asato asks, "What is that?"
Answering him while I turn my face away from him, "That I was becoming like Saki."
[Decapitated?]
He tilts his head to the side as he replies, "I don't know who Saki is, but he must been a bastard. I am glad you are changing."
Laughing as I ask, "How do you know I have changed, Mr. Tsuzuki?" [See, even Muraki can't help but laugh at his own bullshit.]
Asato gives me a gentle smile while stating, "You haven't killed anyone for these past two years and by the looks of it, you are strong enough to fight again." [By that logic, we should open all prison doors right now. Hey, they haven't killed anyone for the past five minutes! That must mean they're okay now and all is forgiven!]
To my surprise, he is wearing black jeans and has his dress shirt untuck. [INSERT HAWT FANART HERE] Replying in a sad tone, "Yes, I am strong enough to fight against you, but that is not the reason why I am here. To be honest, I never knew you were here." Looking out the door that is now open, I state, "I hate the rain." It is cold and pain fills these scars that do not let me go. [How can scars be filled? How can they cling to something? Oh, never mind. Maybe it's the Dadaist drinks talking.] When it rains, it makes me think of Saki. Why did I want him back? Was I not glad that he was dead? [...Did you even watch Yami no Matsuei? Read the manga? Anything?] Is this what that boy thinks when he sees me? The revenge I felt all these years is unforgivable. Jumping slightly when I feel a hand on my shoulder. As I look over to see Asato standing up, I ask, "When will I be able to see you again?" Knowing I have no right to ask that question to a man I almost killed for my own revenge. [I see "revenge" is a word like "regret"; tossed around to excuse the actions of a PSYCHO KILLER. I just can't stress that enough. There aren't enough capslocks in the world. Muraki is, in the words of Eddie Izzard, a murdering fuckhead. End of story. People with strong psychopathic tendencies don't just wake up one morning full of regret and join Psychos Anonymous.]
Asato answers, "I would like to have company right now. Hisoka is with his lover and I almost messed up his relationship with Oriya once before." [I'm just going to stick my fingers in my ears and ignore this pairing from the black lagoon.]
Falling off my stool as I hear who the boy is seeing. I never knew Oriya felt that way for anyone but for myself. [And the boy you killed! Wow, what a weird coincidence! I'm totally buying all this, by the way!] Asato looks at me confuse as I explain, "I find it hard to believe, boy, would like my friend." [Put down the commas before you hurt someone.]
Asato tilts his head as he states, "As long as he is happy that is all that matters to me." [And clearly he's happy dating the pimp whose BFF is the biggest baddie in your universe. Of course. Glad you're taking such good care of your partner, Tsuzuki. It's not like you'd recognise a healthy relationship if it raped you in the ass.] He moves his foot back and forth before asking, "Would you like to take a walk with me?"
Looking outside to see what the weather is like before answering, "Yes." Throwing money down on the bar for our drinks, [Here in the Dadaist bar, they only accept small change thrown angrily at something.] I walk away with the man I find myself in love with. When did that happen? [WELL, YOU TELL ME.] How could I let myself fall in love? I never wanted that in my life. [Ooh, yes. All that stalking Tsuzuki and buying him red roses and touching him creepily every chance you got was intended to push Tsuzuki further away. I'm totally buying this, too.] We walk in silence and I start to wonder why he is upset. Asking the question that is making me upset while we walk to the park, "What is bothering you, Mr. Tsuzuki?"
He stops dead in his tracks while looking up at the dark sky, he responds, "I had a fight with Tatsumi." He takes a seat on the bench before explaining, "Tatsumi is my lover now." [In case you missed it, that was our big plot twist three weeks ago. It was the last episode of the season and the ratings went through the roof!]
Finding my heart stop beating a few beats of learning my beloved is with some other man. Sighing to myself once again. It is not like I own this man [Come on, you can admit you think you do!] and he has every right to be with someone who loves him. I found out in Kyoto that Mr. Tatsumi was in love with him. [I guess I must've missed that episode, too.] Taking a seat next to this beautiful man, I ask, "Do you want to talk about it?" [Oh, Dr. Rape, you are so good. Hold me.]
Asato answers without looking at me, "I just don't understand him. Every time we are at work, he refuses to look at me. I mean everyone knows of our relationship." He stops talking to take a breath before he speaks again, "I guess he still has doubts about me being with him."
Staring at a man who is supposed to be my enemy, [You're not fooling anyone at this point.] I ask, "What do you mean?"
He shakes his head and answers with sadness in his voice, "I had an affair with Hisoka. [Oh God, this is bad. Never mind Days of Our Lives; we're down to Sweet Valley High level now. Ohmigod, like, I'm totally dating Tatsumi now, but he's all like, whatever, and Hisoka and me sorta got together and d'you wanna swap nail polish tips?] That is what I meant when I almost messed up his relationship with Oriya. I had a fight with Tatsumi and Hisoka was there. I don't know why he agreed to be with me back then." [I don't know why any of you do what you do in this fic, but don't mind me, I'm just the lowly reader. Why explain things to me?]
Pulling out a cigarette from my pocket, I light the cancer stick. I really should stop smoking, but I never cared about my heath too much. Even if I stopped with killing, my powers are still here. [Thanks for this message, doctor!] Taking a drag and exhaling the grey smoke before replying, "People make mistakes."
Asato looks at me with kindness, he asks, "Can I ask you a question, Muraki?"
Staring at him and answering, "Sure, but you already asked a question."
He giggles as he replies, "Guess I did." He turns his head to hide the blush that is raising in his face as he asks, "Do you love me or is it lust?" [Would you like some white frilly underwear you can wear while painting your nails and gossiping about boys? Or is white lace soooo last season?]
I have to think about that question. Is it really love I feel for this man? [I guess I just never came to think of it before, what with all the obsessing and the stalking!] It could be lust. Looking up at the dark sky and knowing the answer to his question without thinking to long. I love him and only him. He is the reason why I stopped from killing. [Coincidentally, he was also the reason he used to kill, at least on one occasion. Isn't it wonderful how it all balances out?] I only wish that I figured that out sooner. It would have stopped me from killing people back then. [Yeah, just keep finding excuses for the fact that YOU LOVE KILLING AND TORTURING PEOPLE.] Throwing my cigarette to the ground and watching it burn the rest of the way down, I answer, "I do love you, Asato Tsuzuki." Turning to look at his beautiful eyes that I get lost into. To my surprise, he leans into me and kisses me. I know this is because he had a fight with his lover. He pulls back while blushing. I pull him to myself and push my lips against his soft rosy lips to kiss him again. Licking his bottom lip for permission to go farther, he parts his lips while I push my tongue into his mouth. I could get lost into the taste my beloved has. He is so sweet. Pulling away from him to let us breath, I ask, "Is that what you want or is it because you had a fight with your lover, Mr. Tsuzuki?” [But you know the answer already! God, is the stupid virus spreading?]
He turns his face from me as he replies, “Sorry. I didn’t mean to make you upset.” He stops to catch his breath before he stutters, “I just feel alone.”
Grabbing his chin with my hand and turning him to look at me as I state, “I never said I was upset. It doesn’t bother me.” [Helping you cheat on your boyfriend doesn't bother me in the slightest as long as it gets me some hawt uke ass. This should prove to you that I'm totally on the light side of the Force now and all about happiness and puppies!] My eyes are betraying my answer because he standing up with anger in his eyes for what I just said.
Asato states in anger, “You are lying! Stop lying to yourself and stop lying to me!” [That's it, Asato; stand up to the mean football star who was cheating on you with Lindsey! ...Wait, where in Sweet Valley were we?]
I watch him run away from me. Feeling the warm tears running down my face, I whisper to no one but myself, “You are right, Asato.” I hate you being with someone else. He can never understand you like I can. [Creepy stalkery goes so wonderfully with the romance, don't you think?]
*Flashback Ends*
Looking down to see my beloved is fast asleep. It was only two days after our meeting in that bar that we slept together. I did care at the time and thought it would end the way I loved this man. That never happened because my heart still beats for this man. Sighing to myself, I stand up to only to feel a hand grab my arm. Looking down to see purple eyes pleading with me to stay. I ask this man I cannot stop loving [Enough with "this man", okay? Jeez. That's the third time in this paragraph. I'm pretty damn convinced you're not talking about that man over there.], “What is it that you want, my dear Asato?”
He answers with sadness in his eyes, “Just stay with me and hold me. Please, Kazutaka.” [First name alert! Ask The X-Files fandom how jarring that can be. I understand that Tsuzuki is hopelessly enthralled by Dr. Rape's sexy worm voice and mindfuckery, but still.]
Lying down next to him and putting an arm around his waist while he lays his head on my chest. I hear his soft breathing that singles him going to sleep. [...Singles? I don't speak Moonish.] I think, “I will protect you, Asato. No matter what I will be the one who will save you like you saved me from my past.” [Perhaps he'll freeze Tsuzuki and keep him in a fridge forever and ever. Time cannot touch their beautiful love!]
To be continued in the second post, because this first chapter is massive.