FIC FOR EVERYONE
For: all hyphens and potatoes
From: sashjun & sekky_chan
Title: Give Me What I Don’t Know
Pairings/Characters: Nakamaru/Ueda
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Unrealistic premise because we all know Nakamaru is secretly very much desirable and probably regularly gets some.
Notes:hyphen_chan has found himself in possession of an extra fic and decided to post it for everyone’s ( Read more... )
From: sashjun & sekky_chan
Title: Give Me What I Don’t Know
Pairings/Characters: Nakamaru/Ueda
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Unrealistic premise because we all know Nakamaru is secretly very much desirable and probably regularly gets some.
Notes:hyphen_chan has found himself in possession of an extra fic and decided to post it for everyone’s ( Read more... )
I'll need to apologise beforehand. I got to commenting and then realised oh crap, this is a 10k fic and I want to examine every piece and spit it back to you because there's just so so much about it that I love.
...comes face to face with a hyperactive Junno swinging a rolled up gossip magazine like a sword. Nakamaru’s poor reflexes don’t prevent him from being smacked across the face with it.
I LOVE JUNNO IN THIS; I JUST HAVE TO SAY BECAUSE
“From now on, I will protect your virtue with all my might,” Junno proclaims unapologetically, arms spread wide.
Like, he really would and in all the worst ways possible. Love it so so much. Only Junno could smack someone across the face and declaim their heroic quest <3
Ueda just shrugs, eyes crossing in on Nakamaru’s nose.
Idk what the heck this is but I thought it was the cutest thing. Like Ueda is constantly just taking things in about Nakamaru when he’s talking to him and that Nakamaru notices how he looks at him and ugh ugh ok I will get to that soon.
“If you ever feel in need of deflowering, I will volunteer,”
I think the beauty of this premise is how it’s so telling that he’s become this commodity now that he hasn’t been had before. Lololol because this line Kame is too busy eyeing Nakamaru as though he’s won the Miss Wet T-shirt contest to even notice.
I lol’d so much.
Don’t you dare. Yuichi should stay beautiful for the one and only,” Junno croons,
Oh my god X’D
More like old and severely sexually frustrated,” Ueda murmurs from behind him, shuffling towards the couches.
“And I always thought that would be Kame,” Junno muses.
This is insane. Like every shred of dialogue out of this is quotable gold.
I especially love that despite all the other distractions in the room, he is so supremely fixated on Ueda’s reaction and what he said exclusively to Ueda. I love fics where it’s obvious from the get-go that Nakamaru has it bad for him <3
Ueda gives him a sidelong glance, and he feels like squirming out of his skin.
Little tidbits like this and
Nakamaru hates it when Ueda lies to him. He might think he’s good at it, but they’ve known each other for way too long
Is a perfect establishing of their friendship; how deeply grounded Nakamaru is in all of Ueda’s reactions and how Nakamaru perceives Ueda’s relation to himself, but then omg you blindsided me with this, I have to admit: Ueda’s hand slides to his knee then lands on his thigh, and Nakamaru might have made a weird sound in his throat.
I JUST
“Breathe, or you’re going to choke before you manage... anything else,” Ueda whispers, and he rubs a circle into Nakamaru’s thigh, as if it helps the matter at all.
That is it, Nakamaru thinks. His life is officially over.
DUDE, I KNOE~~
Nakamaru has known Ueda for more than a decade, and if there is one thing he knows about Ueda Tatsuya at all, it’s that he is, in no way, a gentleman. Not even with the ladies.
I LOVE THIS. I’ve always loved Ueda’s sort of youthful candour and how he is a precise sort of bully directing his trolling affections at all the people he likes best. I love that he’s aware of it and that it shows the most when he deals with Nakamaru. And then that you made this connection
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Like I would legitimately spew all my headcanons about this tendency of Nakamaru liking the ones who test him the most, but you basically just summed it up here:
The more Ueda likes to take jabs at him, steals from his plate and makes him pay for all the expenses during their various lunches and dinners over the years, the more endearment Nakamaru feels towards him.
it completely throws him off when Ueda reaches out at the end of the day and tugs the lapels of Nakamaru’s jacket together so it sits snugly against Nakamaru’s shoulders in the cold air. He even reaches up and dusts something invisible off of Nakamaru’s chest, looking freakishly sincere about it.
UNEXPECTED TOUCHING. ALL MY LOVE :’O
“Let’s go for dinner sometime this week,” Ueda says. Even his voice has somehow gotten lower, sexier, stirring something awful in Nakamaru’s stomach. “I’ll pay.”
Nakamaru decides quickly that those two words might have been the most attractive he has heard Ueda utter, yet.
I was just positively HOWLING at this because ughhhhhhhhhhh so much of their relationship is in this and I love references like this; love how naturally you put it and it’s so very likely.
To expand on it actually, I think the thing that makes this fic so charming is that beneath all the speculation about them as a couple and how we’re all very tongue-in-cheek about the shipping thing most days, but this fic, this fic makes me just sit back, fold my arms and go “This is how it is. This is them and it’s real >.<”
I love how this works together with how Nakamaru wants Ueda to go back to bullying him in a way because then he knows that things between them are all right and that they’ll be OK despite whatever happened in the car.
The next scene here is also really neat. I love how Ueda barely says a word and yet somehow Nakamaru is carrying on a full conversation with him, maybe not getting answers but he’s persistent with it. I can see them doing this to each other now and then and Nakamaru filling in the blanks with all his neuroses where Ueda doesn’t reply
Ueda grabs a clean towel from one of the chairs, and he holds Nakamaru’s palm open as he places the towel there, fingers eventually sliding to Nakamaru’s wrist. He then pulls a wet, used towel away from around Nakamaru’s neck. “This one is useless by now,” he says and walks away.
Is Ueda trying to tell him something? Are the things he wants useless? Have the years spent hoping been in vain?
Nakamaru actually taking everything Ueda says with his analogy hat on and his deconstructions because Ueda’s so taciturn.
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All of Ueda’s touches. I was reading and feeling as confused as Nakamaru, wondering if this is normal for them and Nakamaru is just being neurotic, but then something about it is so pointed and
…pulling Nakamaru’s hand away by his wrist, squeezing it a bit too tightly. “The dinner this Friday is still on, right?” he continues, thumb running across the inside of Nakamaru’s wrist before he lets go.
WRIST GRABBING AND SUCH. It felt like he was claiming him and I kept speculating like ok maybe he’s not after Nakamaru like the others because he’s already decided that Nakamaru is his and no one else’s and that’s so kfjngjknkjsngkjnfkjsandkn;
Nakamaru certainly doesn’t want to talk about his virginity when Akanishi calls, worried and explaining baby Jesuses are only born once every few millenniums. He proclaims himself the resident expert on baby making and sets about to explain how babies are made. Nakamaru cuts him off and is about to hang up--because he seriously doubts Akanishi is worried about his reproduction--when Jin asks for masturbation tips.
"You must be so good at it by now," he sighs, “and Meisa has been a little--" This time Nakamaru really hangs up without preamble.
THIS WHOLE SECTION ACTUALLY MADE ME SCREAM BECAUSE AKANISHI NOOOOOO BUT HAHAHAHA YES, THANK. THANK FOR THIS SCENE. UGH omg all of it, the masturbation tips lord jesus. You know, it’s odd because this is precisely what I missed about Nakanishi interactions in fic and out of fic because OFC HE’D MAKE THE CONNECTION BETWEEN VIRGIN MARU AND JDKNJKFDNF so ridiculous, I cry.
Ueda has automatically ordered him mile-feuille, and it’s so hot. Nakamaru’s feels like a prize girlfriend.
BECAUSE YOU ARE! SFJKGN ALSO DESSERT CALLBACKS. LOVE. ALL OF IT. JUST TAKE IT; FUCK IF I NEED IT ANYMORE
Ueda’s lips are wrapped tightly around his dessert spoon. He looks up from his plate, and Nakamaru gulps just as Ueda sucks at the spoon and lets it out his mouth with a pop.
EXCUSE U, SIR
Ueda really does cover the entire bill. He waits for Nakamaru to slip into his coat and leads himout, even going as far as to open the door for him.
YAH, UGH JUST I’M NOT SURE WHAT TI IS ABOUT UEDA PLAYING GENTLEMAN FOR SWEET INNOCENT, MOODY NAKAMARU THAT HAS MY HEART IN SHREDS ALL OVER THE WALLS. LIKE DUDE.
Nakamaru sticks his hands deep in his pockets because he has these teenage scenarios running through his head, like his hand brushing against Ueda’s as they walk to where Ueda’s car is.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
“But I don’t want to pretend,” he trudges on. “And I love you, and yes I would love to be with you, hoped that maybe one day I could be with you. But you’re my friend, and that is important too. I can’t stand this thing.” He waves his hand between them like it explains everything. “Let’s clear the air. I might want to have sex with you too, but only if you really want to be with me, and it wouldn’t just be the sex. And I wasn’t saving myself for you either; it’s not like that. So you don’t have to worry, or be nice. Stop being confusing and go back to making fun of me and using me as your wallet, and being the silly best friend that helps me keep my sanity. Don’t steal it instead.”
LIKE HOW DID YOU EVEN? THE WHOLE OF THIS SPEECH IS SO SPOT-ON AND SO HONEST AND IT HURT BECAUSE HE’S JUST PUTTING HIMSELF OUT THERE AND UEDA IS SO ENIGMATIC I FELT SO MUCH LIKE I WAS A TEEN AGAIN AND RE-EXPERIENCING EMBARRASSING CONFESSIONS AND DKJNGKJSN FTHIS IS SO DAMN REALISTIC AND IT’S INGENIOUS!!
“Why can’t you just know what’s going on? Like you always do.” Ueda sighs.
WHAT? NOOOOOOOOO AWWWWWWW
“Look, that night, you just said it was my fault. And now you love me, even. Maybe, I thought about that, just a little, but it all sounds so … out there. Plus, how could you never … not with anyone.” Ueda’s hand falls down from Nakamaru’s collar but grabs at Nakamaru’s wrist instead.
THIS IS SO UEDA AND HE’S MORE INCREDULOUS ABOUT NAKAMARU’S VIRGINAL LIFESTYLE THAN HIS LOVE CONFESSION
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Why is it such a shock that I would want to act like a decent person? Gentleman or whatever?” Then Ueda pouts, and the intensity of the moment is suddenly gone. Ueda steps back a little and lets go of Nakamaru completely.
AND HE WAS TRYING AND HE WAS CONSCIOUSLY ATTEMPTING TO BE A GOOD BOYFRIEND AND THAT’S SO WEIRD AND CUTE AND I’M GOING TO THROW UP OUT OF LOVE FOR HOW FLUFFY THAT IS. ACTUALFAX POSITIVE THROWING UP. I’M SORRY.
“Ueda, you are everything but a gentleman,” Nakamaru says, managing a small snort.
“Then what does that say about your taste,” Ueda retorts, digging around in his pocket.
“I like you mostly for your body and your bank account, don’t you know that?” Nakamaru finds himself saying.
Ueda throws the keys to his car at him and snorts. “That’s really romantic. Very encouraging too.”
“What can I say? I was always the pragmatic one.”
I HATE HOW MUCH I GOT SO HICCUPY OVER THEIR BANTER. THEY ARE TOO CUTE FOR ME HERE. I JUST
“Says the virgin still waiting for his prince in shining armor to swoop him off his feet.”
“Oh god, I told you it’s not like that,” Nakamaru says indignantly, his ears getting red all over again as he opens the car door on the driver’s side. “So stop that, or I won’t put out.”
THEY’RE BACK TO NORMAL AND TEASING EACH OTHER AND PRINCE IN SHINING ARMOUR IT’S LIKE IT COULD BE CASUAL AND OK BUT
“Does this... mean you actually like me?”
Ueda pointedly looks away. “Hmm, do I?” he muses. But Nakamaru’s known Ueda for more than a decade, and he knows when his Ueda-is-lying sensor is tingling. He knows when Ueda is avoiding the inevitable. He knows when Ueda’s teasing and when he is just too macho to admit the truth. Nakamaru realizes he’s smiling and starts the car, deciding not to push his luck anymore. As it is, he doesn’t think the implication of today has sunk in just yet.
IT GOT CUTER OH NO OH NO DJKSNGKSJDNJGK LIKE UEDA IS SO. I AM ALL ABOUT THIS SIDE OF UEDA. ALL. ABOUT. IT. AND THAT NAKAMARU KNOWS AND FEELS IT AND JUST SMILES BECAUSE JEEZ, UEDA BEING ALL KUUDERE WITH HIM ANDDSNFKJSNGDKSJAFKDFN FUCK. OMG CAPSLOCK S STUCK; WE’LL HAVE TO ADJUST; IT’S OK. BEAR WITH ME; WE’RE IN A SAFE SPACE, ONLY ONE WILL DIE TONIGHT. THAT’S ME.
“Way to ruin all my plans,” he hears Ueda grumble petulantly. Then a hand sneaks around Nakamaru’s waist and pulls him closer to Ueda’s side, fingers splayed under his ribs. Nakamaru’s breath hitches, and Ueda stumbles a little in reaction. “Keep up,” he mumbles.
They get to the car, and Ueda should be searching for his car keys. But instead he’s holding the umbrella above them with one hand, the other still firmly wrapped around Nakamaru’s side, keeping him close even when Nakamaru turns to face him, intent on saying something.
The umbrella might as well not be there, what with the strong wind and heavy rain pelting down, soaking their jeans and their shoulders. Nakamaru breathes in--he can smell the rain, the wet autumn leaves and Ueda’s aftershave--and for a moment, he forgets what he wanted to say.
UMBRELLA. MORE INSINUATIVE TOUCHING AND GOOD BEY. THIS IS WHERE I SHOULD GO TO BE WITH THE GODS.
GDI NAKAMARU AND IT’S CUTE TOO THAT HE’S SO SCARED AND I HATE HOW MUCH I UNDERSTAND THAT.
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UGH <333
He moves to unbutton Nakamaru’s jacket and shirt, and Nakamaru squeaks involuntarily. Ueda pulls his hands away for a moment. The car windows fog with their breaths, and the air gets stiff in the car.
WHAT IS IT ABOUT THIS ;___________________________; NO REALLY, WHAT? THAT HE’S SO CAREFUL AROUND NAKAMARU LIKE HE JUST AUTOMATICALLY KNOWS EXACTLY THE SORT OF MIXED FEELS HE’D HAVE AND HOW EASY IT IS TO SPOOK HIM OUT OF DOING SOMETHING AND GOD HE JUST
“The towel’s clean,” Ueda says, moving again. …He seems to work on some kind of autopilot, determined to get things done as though he is on some kind of schedule. He assesses Nakamaru’s shirt and, probably deeming it relatively dry, rubs the towel over Nakamaru’s neck, pulling the wet jacket away from him next and replacing it with his after-workout hoodie.
UEDA BEING SO METHODICAL AND I CAN SO SEE THINGS GETTING MESSY WITH HIS PLANS AND HIM GETTING PETULANT ABOUT IT, NEEDING IT TO WORK OUT BECAUSE THE THINGS HE PLANS FOR ARE VERY IMPORTANT TO HIM AND I LOVE HOW NAKAMARU SEES THIS AND UEDA IS SO OBVIOUS AND YES, YES, I KEEP SAYING CUTE, BUT IT’S SO GODDAMN CUTE!!
The booth ends up being anice cream stand. “Last day of their season. The best ice cream in Japan,” Ueda explains.
I LOVE HOW MUCH THERE IS OF THEM + DESSERTS.
Ueda glowers just a little. “If you don’t want any, that’s fine with me. I like cheap dates.”
Nakamaru’s inside feels that much warmer then, the admittance settling in his stomach and pleasantly buzzing there.
THIS IS HOW IT IS FOR THEM; THAT’S WHY IT’S SO SWEET AND ADORABLE; THEY’RE UNCONVENTIONAL WITH THEIR TEASING AND BEST FRIENDSHIP COMING FIRST IN THEIR CONVERSATIONS INSTEAD OF EVERY BIT OF OBVIOUS WARMTH THAT IS SO CLEAR BETWEEN THEM, SO VERY TANGIBLE TO THE POINT WHERE NEITHER PARTY CAN BRING HIMSELF TO STATE IT FLAT OUTRIGHT.
Nakamaru starts getting nervous again, a million scenarios running through his head, because this is kind of … romantic
AWWWWWWWWWW
He would have worn different socks and think of things to say
Jeezus, Nakamaru <3<3<3<3
{You should have told me,} says the message, complete with a weeping emoticon. {I would have made a great first time!}
“What the hell?” Nakamaru groans. “You told Koki??”…
“Hm? Could have been Taguchi…” he murmurs, eyes staring right through Nakamaru’s face to gaze thoughtfully at the pond. Nakamaru stares morosely at the melting ice cream in his hand instead.
“Be happy your virginity has helped reunite two people. It’s not something that happens often.”
I WASN’T GOING TO TOUCH THIS BECAUSE THE SOUND THAT CAME OUT OF MY MOUTH WHEN I FIRST READ IT WAS NOT AN OK SANE HUMAN SOUND OF PROPER CONDUCT AS A HUMAN BEING. I WAS WAILING AND HAD TO LITERALLY STEP AWAY FOR A SECOND TO GO SCREAM AT A CERTAIN SOMEONE VIA EMAIL BECAUSE WOW, OK. NOT OK. BUT ALSO OK!! BECAUSE THEY REUNITED AND UGH I’VE BEEN HAVING ALL THESE SAD DENDEN FEELS AND GDI I DON’T CARE IF THEY ARE NEVER THE SAME AS THEY WERE; I REALLY DON’T BUT I JUST WANT THEM TO SEE EACH OTHER BECAUSE IT CAN’T FRIGGIN JUST END LIKE THAT’ THEY WERE INSEPARABLE AND NFKDFSNFGKJFN THIS IS NOT THE PLACE BUT OMG OFC IF IT COULD HAPPEN LIKE THIS IN A FIC THAT IS COMPLETELY UNRELATED AND JUST YOU GAVE THIS MOMENT TO ME AND I CAN’T EVEN COME UP WITH ANY INTELLIGENT, GLASSES-ADJUSTING RESPONSE TO IT THAT WOULDN’T MAKE ME SOUND LIKE THE HEADCASE I CLEARLY AM ABOUT THOSE TWO. KOKI ;_______________________________________; UGH I WILL NEVER NOT HURT, OK? NEVER.
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You know,” Ueda giggles quietly into Nakamaru’s shoulder, as if anyone could listen in on them right now. “Your face when you’re embarrassed, it’s hilarious.”
HE’S GIGGLING INTO HIS SHOULDER. R U SRS RN??? AND NAKAMARU PROCEEDS TO TRY TO FROWN HIS EMBARRASSMENT AWAY BUT BUT UEDA KISSES HIS CLAVICLE AND breaths that creep upward towards his shoulder blade, leaving indented impressions in the form of goosebumps in their wake.
LIKE WOW, NOPE.
But he still leaves Nakamaru’s shoulder alone in favor of staring at his profile instead. When Nakamaru looks down at him, there’s a torn expression on his face.
UGH HOW DARE U. NO. non
“Do you like it here?” Ueda asks then, his fingers squeezing around Nakamaru’s once more.
BECAUSE THERE IS THAT LITTLE SIGNAL OF UEDA INSECURITY BECAUSE OFC HE WOULD WANT TO MAKE SURE NAKAMARU IS ACTUALLY THERE WITH HIM, IN THAT HEADSPACE. HAPPY TOGETHER AND THAT IT SHOULD BE SO EASY ; O ;
“Here,” Ueda says then, his voice low again, and he runs his thumb across Nakamaru’s bottom lip. “You had a crumb there.”
Nakamaru’s lips feel sticky and he licks at them, catching Ueda’s thumb still lingering in the corner of his mouth. Ueda’s hand against his chin trembles and he steps closer. Nakamaru holds his breath. Ueda moves his thumb, running it across Nakamaru’s cheek and down to his chin. The tips of Ueda’s shoes hit Nakamaru’s.
OMG RE-READING THIS AGAIN, I REMEMBERED I COULDN’T BACK THEN AND NOW I ACTUALLY STILL CAN’T HOLY SHIT THIS IS SO MAGIC AND SOOOOO FULL OF SO MUCH TENSION AND
“Breathe,” Ueda mutters
I SAID I CAN’T!!!!!
AND THEY ACTUALLY KISS AND NAKAMARU IS STILL BEING A WEINER AND I STILL UNDERSTAND WHAI AND IT ALSO HURTS BUT IT IS SO PERFECT; ALL OF NAKAMARU’S OBSERVATIONS ABOUT HOW HE TASTES AND THE LITTLE THINGS UEDA DOES; IT’S SO FRIGGIN REAL AND PRESENT; AUGHH!!!
He’s breathing hard, probably too hard; and he is about to burst from inside out. Ueda is staring at him, a dark, inexplicable stare in the shade of faraway streetlight. He looks at Nakamaru like that’s the only way he has ever looked at him, as if Nakamaru has been looking another way all this time. He’s on the verge of some kind of realization, but Ueda’s hand holding onto his is still tight and so warm, and it pulls him back every time he teeters over the edge.
How even are your descriptions so amazingly palpable. With every single moment like this, I am right there with Nakamaru, knowing what it’s like to be Ueda there and also getting Nakamaru’s side as well and it’s all sooooo fraught with feels and that is so perfectly Ueda that this happens
The look in Ueda’s eyes disappears, however. He suddenly doubles over and laughs, and Nakamaru isn’t sure if he’s terrified or disappointed.
“Oh gosh,” Ueda wheezes, leaning into him for support.“Your face. How do you make all those expressions? I don’t know if it’s your nose or your mouth or... something.”
AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW NAKAFACE APPRECIATION. YES. GOOD, UEDA. GOO BUT UGH, WHEN NAKAMARU DOESN’T JOIN IN AND MAKES IT CLEAR HE’S NOT AMUSED, UEDA IS SO. WHAT THE HELL, MAN NO, DON’T MAKE ME FEEL THIS WAY ABOUT HIM SNKJGNFJGFGNKJFNGJK WHAI WOULD U; WHAT GOOD WOULD IT DO ME?? N-I need new ways to say no. NAY!
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I am in love with the fact that he feels that he must do this because he keeps having panic attacks every time they do anything intimate and Nakamaru needs normalcy to placate any self-doubt he tends to develop too easily.
OK. Let me give you love for the Massu appearance. That made my life and he’s frankness and how he is insistent that Nakamaru has managed to orchestrate his first booty call and ok let me just highlight the gems of this conversation because you deserve so much applause for each of these:
“No. No, it’s not.That’s not...” Nakamaru talks into his hands.
And here Nakamaru has counted on him to be the only safe dock in all of this sea of insanity.
“Come on, man,” Massu urges on, nose pressed into the dessert menu. “You’re practically glowing with anticipation.”
Nothing like a little other universe of maruda reference :B
Nakamaru buries his face in his hands, hoping to blend into the table via osmosis. He waits until the food has been set down on the table to look up--three main courses on Massu’s side, and a plate of steak on his--to find Massu already pulling out chopsticks.
Perfection.
“Look, I know it’s scary, but if Ueda is someone you really like, you’ll enjoy it.” Massu can’t even bring himself to elaborate what it means. “You’re lucky he’s gotten so much hotter lately.”
Oh, Massu, you are his rock <3
But then And of course I will enjoy it because it will be a colored two-hour long documentary about Second World War that actually features the machineries of the warfare. The only action going on will be his firm biceps on top of my soft beanbag, all night long!”
NAKAMARU HOW DID YOU SAY THAT WITH A STRAIGHT FACE. I FAIL TO CAN. OH NO HAHAHAHAHA
When Ueda comes over, and they sit down to watch the documentary of Nakamaru’s choice--each conveniently on the opposite side of Nakamaru’s couch--it’s mostly nerves talking on Nakamaru’s behalf.
This IMAGE THO ;__________; so cute; so much tension and Nakamaru making all things awkward and Ueda giving him his space and then ugh
Okay, so in this scene, they got the time wrong. It wasn’t 10th March, it was actually--what?”
“Nothing,” Ueda says.
Nakamaru has no idea how long Ueda has been smirking. He doesn’t drop it even when he starts giggling at Nakamaru’s expense. “Have anyone told you how annoying you are when you watch TV?”
AHHHHHHHHHHHHH OFC HE IS. JUST OFC HE IS. I PICTURED THIS AS A THING FOR HIM. NAKAMARU WATCHING ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING IS ANNOYING BECAUSE HE IS AN EXPERT ON ALL POINTS OF INTEREST AND HE WOULD JUST UNLEASH THE TRIVIA LIKE IT’S A RACE ON WHO KNOWS MORE, BUT UGH OFC HE’S THE ONLY ONE AND HOW ANNOYING <33333 AND THAT UEDA FINDS IT FUNNY AND ENDEARING IS ALL THE MORE WONDERFUL.
ALSO I RECALL BEING ASKED A QUESTION BY SOMEONE AT SOME POINT ABOUT MY HEADCANON ABOUT THIS PARTICULAR CONCEPT. FUNNY, THAT >:O
Nakamaru huffs, his nostrils flaring.
Best <3
“If that’s the case, I’ll never shut up.”
“Fine by me,” Ueda chuckles.
“Fine.”
Ueda turns Nakamaru into a toddler. Good. *Weeps*
And jeez, toe observation and all things Ueda with his poking Nakamaru and Nakamaru trying yet again to escape and THEN OMG AND THEN UEDA TRIES TO CUDDLE AND SUDDENLY THERE’S ALL THIS SUBMARINE ALLUSION AND STEERING OF BATTLE SHIP AND HE’S SO CUTE THAT IT’S MAD; JUST ABSOLUTELY MAD. I CAN’T STAND IT. STAHP THAT. THAT’S AMAZING HOW CUTE YOU MANAGE TO WRITE HIM. IT BURNS OH LAWD.
Calm down. I’m sure you’ve cuddled before,” Ueda murmurs, his hand sliding against Nakamaru’s stomach and drawing small circles.
HE’S TRYING TO CUDDLE YOU, NAKAMARU; NOT DROWN YOU BUT OHHHHHH
“I figured that we haven’t been dating for long enough, and it wouldn’t be too appropriate. Don’t get used to it though,” Ueda laughs again, and bites Nakamaru’s shoulder playfully.
This is when things got messy over here on my end…. :’o
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WHAT POSSESSED YOU TO MAKE THIS THE CUTEST THING AND HOW HE SO EASILY JUST SHIFTS NAKAMARU AROUND BECAUSE OMG FIRM BICEPS, HELLO LOL AND JEEEZ BECAUSE NAKAMARU THINKS OF STRAWBERRY ICE CREAM AND IT’S UEDA AND UEDA IS BEING SO WITH HIS, AND ALL THAT >:’O
“You’re so unfair,” Nakamaru sighs. “It’s not like I want a love song or anything. But at least you could...”
He just wants a clear straight answer. FOR HIS NERVES OMG >.<
“I don’t need you to stare at me all the time, like I have this endless fund of expressions and faces that you need to study constantly and catalogue them away. It’s creepy how you keep doing that…” Like you can’t stop looking, Nakamaru wants to say, but he doesn’t.
And this because that’s what I was saying earlier. His consciousness of Ueda’s looks, at what he’s looking at and what Ueda must think when he looks at him and how important that is for Nakamaru to suss out to the point where it distracts him and that Ueda, your Ueda with his kuudere ways, deigning to give Nakamaru what he most definitely wanted and the way he does it, on the verge of a kiss, all wrapped around Nakamaru
THEN YOU. OK. I WANT TO SAY SOMETHING HERE AND I WANT YOU TO LISTEN VERY CLOSELY. T
"How about this?" Comes the low voice near Nakamaru’s ear, making him inhale a large lungful of air.
“Nakamaru...”
Exhale.
“...Yuichi...”
Inhale.
“I love you.”
THIS IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL AND MOST UTTERLY JARRING MOMENT I HAVE EVER HAD IN READING FIC. I DON’T KNOW WHETHER IT WAS BECAUSE I WAS PANICKING WITH NAKAMARU, HAVING MY OWN SHRIEK FESTS AND COVERING MY MOUTH TO AVOID UNWANTED WITNESSES BUT HOLY CRAP, THE FEELING OF IT; THE WAY YOU STRUCTURED THIS AND NAKAMARU’S BREATHING AND YOU KNOW IT’S COMING AND THAT’S WHAT MAKES IT WORSE BETTER!!! JUST THOSE WORDS RIGHT AS THEY ARE HAD ME LITERALLY GASP AND GO “OH NAH!!!!!!” I COULDN’T EVEN DEAL WITH IT; IT’S SO ADORABLE AND SO PERFECT AND ROMANTIC AND MY INSIDES BECAME LOVELY STRAWBERRY JAM. THANK
The impact of it comes full force even though he has tried to prepare himself mentally.
Yeah, Nakamaru, I knoe :’o
Ueda occupies his entire field of vision, his shadow eclipsing Nakamaru’s universe when his lower lip is crushed between Ueda’s teeth.
THIS WORDING. AND HOW THE MOMENT IS JUST RIGHT; UEDA’S TOUCHES, MEANINGFUL TOUCHES ARE ALL TAKING ON SOME SORT OF CONNOTATION OF THEIR OWN WITHOUT EVEN A SHIFT IN THE TONE AND I ACTUALLY HAD TO TAKE A BREAK RIGHT ABOUT HERE BECAUSE I KNEW HOW MUCH THIS WAS ABOUT TO BREAK ME.
(I also admit to checking the scroll bar to see how much more I had left and noting I had plenty just smiled the biggest because I’m an oddball that knew they were in for a treat :’D)
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JDNKNFKJSDNFKJDNDKJFN
“Do you want to?” Ueda asks in return. “We could. But only if you really wanted to.”
Does he want to?
“It’s you--” Nakamaru takes a deep breath, trying to swallow and failing miserably. He circles the slope of Ueda’s tummy with his thumb--which is trembling, feeling the muscles there flex with each careful touch.
“If it’s with you, I’d always--”
AND UEDA HAS BEEN SO CAUTIOUS WITH HIM ALL THE WAY TO THIS POINT. I DON’T KNOW IF CAUTIOUS IS THE RIGHT WORD BUT IT’S ALL I CAN THINK OF RIGHT NOW BUT IT’S SO INTUITIVE AND IT REALLY SPEAKS TO HOW MUCH HE BOTH KNOWS AND LOVES NAKAMARU THAT HE’S CAREFUL ABOUT THIS. HE KNOWS THERE IS A DEFINITIVE REASON NAKAMARU JUST NEVER DID BUT THAT IT ISN’T MEANT TO BE ABOUT HIM PERSONALLY; HE’LL JOKE ABOUT IT BUT HE KNOWS THAT IT ISN’T THE CASE AND HE WOULD NEVER PRESUME EITHER. IT’S WHY HE WANTED TO DO THE DATING THING; HE WANTED TO TAKE THE TIME TO BE DEMONSTRATIVE AND HAVE MOMENTS LIKE THIS AND IF THAT IS NOT THE MOST ROMANTIC THING, I WILL NEVER EVER IN MY LIFE KNOW WHAT IS.
And, author; dearest author who has so much given to fandom by writing this, given to the pairing maruda in their own expression of what it could be and what it is to me as well. I wish I could send you boxes of chocolate and serenade outside your window to the tune of your descriptions from the beginning to end of this whole scene because HOLY SHIT!!!
“You really didn’t think your clothes choice through tonight,” Ueda mutters, sounding almost vexed.
Like OK, the rest of the fic was just swimming with realism and so much of this feeling of a genuine channeling of their feelings and how they relate and how they would be but what really blew me away for this scene was actually reading and experiencing this from Nakamaru’s almost unapologetic perspective with all his questions, doubts and observations and the way that Ueda is through the whole scene as well. He’s leading the way entirely and it’s sweet how he does it in his own typical Ueda fashion but then I admit, the very best thing about you writing the deflowering trope is how you subverted it by Ueda asking to be topped and Nakamaru going about it in typical first time, awkward fashion but that the way you made it so there were some complications WHICH YOU FIXED QUITE NICELY HOT DAMN *____*
“Your fingers, they’re so …” he trails off, sucking two of them into his mouth
JESUS AND SELF PREP AND SOMEHOW FROTTING WOT ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Blew me out of the water with that one, I have to say. I swear to god that self-prep part will haunt my brain for years to come. But omg Ueda guiding him through it was so gentle and loving and it made it somehow more dlskfndkjsfnd-inducing. Good lord
But also because I am such a sucker for sweet, warm and proper dialogue going on during scenes like this, I must to quote you
“Stop thinking, your face is weird again,” Ueda mumbles against his ribs then, and Nakamaru laughs, completely breathless, because he kind of gets it now.
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
“You’re so skinny,” Ueda murmurs
XDDDDDDDDD~
Ah also, Nakamaru’s surprise at his effect on Ueda was just such a delight to read especially. God, it was hot and sooooo well-written. I loved it all; so much.
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Here, I literally squealed because how is he so cute. Omg and just the tenderness of Ueda’s next line :’o
“Yuichi,” Ueda soothes him with a hand in his hair, then rubbing down his neck. “Look at me.”
I AM IN LOVE WITH THEIR LOVE. GAWD.
I AM GOING TO QUOTE YOUR PORN; JUST THIS PART BECAUSE
Ueda’s walls tighten around his fingers, and next time he wants to feel that around his cock, may want to feel Ueda’s cock inside himself too, and then maybe he wants Ueda’s cock in his mouth because it’s so prettily curved.
Ueda huffs out a laugh. “You can blow me any time, Yuichi,” he says, still breathless, and Nakamaru’s whole face burns because he’s said that out loud.
OH. EM. GEE. NAKAMARU DKKLMSGJKDSNKGJ *___________* ADORABLE LITTLE POTTY MOUTH, YOU lololol
AND THEN THE MORNING AFTER AND HE FINDS A LIST AND IT’S ALL CROSSED OUT IN RED AND I WAS RIGHT. UEDA CLAIMED HIM INSTANTLY, KNEW IT THE MOMENT NAKAMARU SAID IT WAS HIS FAULT AND THERE’S SOMETHING SO VISCERAL ABOUT THE THOUGHT OF HIM ALL RUBBED THE WRONG WAY OVER A WAITING LIST FOR WHAT HE KNOWS IS HIS AND JUST WRITING IT OFF PHYSICALLY IN RED LIKE HE COULD EFFECTIVELY JUST CLOSE EVERYONE OUT AND SOMEHOW THAT’S WHAT THEY DID BECAUSE ONCE THEY WERE PROPERLY OFFICIAL, THAT WAS IT. UGH IT IS THE BEST MORNING AFTER OR CUTENESS AND MASSU TEXTING AND UEDA REPLYING
{If you want the dirt, here it is: It was fucking awesome. Now shut up about it. - Ueda}
Soooooooo in love omg best. And “it was fucking awesome” OFC IT WAS OMG UGH AND NAKAMARU ALL GOT UP ABOUT IT, ABOUT UEDA AND UEDA, FUUUUUUUUUCK I WAS TORN BETWEEN CACKLING AND CRYING BECAUSE NAKAMARU ABOUT TO GET THE BEST HEAD OF HIS LIFE AND NAKAMARU HAS NO IDEA SKAJNFJKGNKJGNK AND JUST THE IMPACT OF IT, THE LAST LINE. I JUST. . THIS IS PERFECTION. THE WHOLE THING WAS BEAUTIFUL AND I CAN’T ACTUALLY WORK UP ENOUGH WORDS FOR WHAT IT DID TO ME AND HOW HAPPY I AM ABOUT THAT DEDICATION. LIKE I STILL FEEL SO UNDESERVING AND REALLY, TEAM TRIPLE S. IT IS ALWAYS A PLEASURE, ALWAYS.
BUT MOST OF ALL, THANK YOU. I LOVE YOU ALL.. YOU ARE AMAZING AND I AM FOREVER HONOURED, BETWEEN THE BOTH OF YOU, TO SHARE AND WITNESS YOUR TALENTS COMING TOGETHER LIKE THIS AND THAT IT WOULD BE FOR MARUDA; I AM EXPERIENCING EXACTLY WHAT THOSE KIDS IN MAKE-A-WISH FOUNDATION EXPERIENCE lol FOR SRS.
ILU ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ SO FUCKING MUCH. THANK YOU AGAIN
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