FIC FOR SWEDISH_WEIRDO
For: swedish_weirdo
From: reiicharu
Title: WE ARE REALLY GOOD JOB!!!
Pairings/Characters: Kame/Shige, KAT-TUN, Kanjani8, HEY!SAY!JUMP, NEWS (sort of)
Rating: PG-13
Warning: chickens, rabbits, bad puns on song titles/lyrics, Yamapi cameo, Kanjani8 cameos, Hey!Say!JUMP cameos, sort of NEWS cameos.
Notes: To swedish_weirdo, I noticed that you had a fondness for Kame/Shige and I decided to try and incorporate that into a KAT-TUN fic and then somehow, this happened.
Summary: Kame likes Shige. Nakamaru is scared of all the things. Kouhai are annoying.
The problem isn’t that Kame likes Shige.
Actually, that’s a part of the problem and KAT-TUN pretty much deals with problems everyday. Just last week, they had to stop a chicken from chasing Nakamaru up a tree. Actually, they didn’t really stop the chicken; they sort of let the chicken chase Nakamaru up a tree, laughed for five minutes then Koki decided he wanted to take the chicken home as a pet. Then they laughed for another ten minutes when Nakamaru realised that the tree was a very high up place and no one was willing to help him down except for Sakamoto-san from marketing.
And even Sakamoto-san from marketing was trying very hard not to laugh at Nakamaru. Or at his face.
But the problem at hand isn’t Nakamaru’s newfound fear of chickens or well-known acrophobia. The problem is that Kame really likes Shige and he won’t do a damn thing about it.
To be quite honest, saying Kame likes Shige is an understatement. That’d be like saying Willy Wonka’s factory makes candy. Kame likes Shige in the way kindergarten boys pulls the hair of kindergarten girls because they really like like them in the sickeningly sweet sugar candy chocolate baby way.
Now, you see, KAT-TUN has had their rough share of problems besides Nakamaru being the world’s biggest screamer when it comes to spiders, frogs, rollercoasters, heights, wild birds, the cat his neighbour owns and just about everything on the planet. KAT-TUN’s been through a war; they danced for Domoto Koichi, they had to watch as Kanjani8 and NEWS debut before them and not to mention, they had to deal with Jin leaving. Twice.
Okay, so they didn’t really deal. They sort of just lapsed into grudgingly angry silences and bring it up over drinks when there’s nothing else to complain about. And to be quite honest, they don’t even get to complain about it because someone (read: Koki and Taguchi) is always complaining how about someone else (read: Kame and Ueda) won’t stop hogging the mirror space in the dressing room. Not to mention, when Jin left, there was suddenly a lot more hair product to go around and there’s nothing happier than an idol group with more hair spray.
Again, the point is, KAT-TUN knows how to deal with problems. Kame’s Jupiter sized affection for Shige is nothing compared to their history of fights over cake spilled on tatami mats and Ueda not covering Nakamaru’s mistake due to his appalling eyesight.
*
The plan originally was to somehow lock Kame and Shige in a room and hope that Kame would just keep talking and talking and talking until his monologue broaches on the subject of loved ones and soul mates and that would be the point in which Kame blurts out his really, really big love for Shige and then everyone will live happily ever after and ARASHI will sing a song about rainbows and endless roads.
But that doesn’t happen and KAT-TUN finds themselves extremely displeased with one Yamashita Tomohisa.
“I didn’t mean to,” Yamashita Tomohisa the Idiot Who Destroyed Everything wails to his defence (and now would be an extreme point of interest to ponder on what else Yamapi has destroyed because several NEWS fans have much to say on that topic). “I mean, he didn’t even believe me!”
“Of course he wouldn’t believe you,” Koki snaps, hitting Yamapi over the head. “No one believes a word out of your mouth.”
“Johnny does!”
“Johnny would believe that Kanjani8 runs a unicorn farm if it’d make him a hundred yen richer,” Ueda hisses as he flexes his muscles and prepares to knock Yamapi’s lights out.
(Another point of interest would be that out of all people, Yamapi was the one who starred in the boxing movie as opposed to Ueda who has been training in the sport of boxing for say, quite awhile and now apparently has a licence. But this isn’t about Ueda’s bitterness that Yamapi’s blank stares and strong jawline got him a movie part, really.)
“Look, I was just trying to help,” Yamapi protests helplessly like the helpless idiot he is. “I just told Shige that Kame likes him and that they should get together and talk. Shige just laughed it off and I don’t blame him. Kame likes everyone. Except for that guy in middle school who stole his baseball cards.”
“You were that guy in middle school who stole his baseball cards,” Taguchi reminds.
Everyone takes a moment to sigh in utmost dismay that Yamapi is pretty much destroying everything even though he has absolutely no part in it whatsoever. Irony, much.
*
So, because Yamashita Tomohisa the Idiot Who Destroyed Everything actually destroyed everything, KAT-TUN ends up sitting around in Nakamaru’s very neat living room, drinking strawberry soda because Nakamaru pretty much has the tolerance of a giddy school girl and also because Taguchi’s house is in the boonies, Koki’s house has a chicken and Ueda’s house is haunted.
“My house is not haunted!”
The point of the gathering is to figure out how to somehow help Kame act on his emotions, but in the end, Koki keeps insisting that the last time they were at Ueda’s house, a ghost came out of nowhere and demanded they sing Real Face.
“Ghosts do not want to hear people sing Real Face!” Ueda hisses. “There’s more of a chance of hobos living in Taguchi’s basement than my house being haunted.”
“My house does have a hobo,” Taguchi pipes.
Everyone takes a second to look at Taguchi like he’s lost his mind for a) housing a hobo and b) happily admitting it.
“That is very disturbing on many levels,” Nakamaru finally says, finishing the last can of strawberry soda.
(Mentally, they’re all adding Taguchi’s Hobo Resident to their list of problems that needs solving because a hobo in the house is not the same as Jin’s ‘trashy-casual-Hobo-in-Da-Haus’ look, it’s pretty much Going Dangerous on the dangerous scale.)
“Seriously, what do we do about Kame?” Koki asks, opening a packet of takoyaki favoured potato chips and sharing them with Ueda. “The last time he really liked someone, he ended up table dancing at an okama ar.”
“To my defence, I didn’t think he’d actually do it,” Taguchi says woefully. “I was only joking.”
They all silently pay tribute to Kame’s dead dignity. (Then again, they’re all Johnny’s, you sign your dignity away the moment your pen touches the dotted line.)
For a second, someone-read: Nakamaru-is logical, “Why can’t Kame just tell Shige himself instead of us having to go through elaborate schemes that probably waste time and make no sense whatsoever?”
“Because if we left it up to Kame, he’d probably either never ever anything at all or be unbearably grand in all his gestures one day and ignore Shige the next,” Ueda points out as he and Koki gets crumbs all over Nakamaru’s carpet (Nakamaru whimpers because he just vacuumed the place only yesterday). “Remember the janitor?”
Koki snorts, “Forget the janitor, anyone here remember the doctor?”
So, maybe Kamenashi Kazuya might have liked people in the past. A few. A lot. The most famous incidents would arguably be either the janitor or doctor-both had musical numbers and much attention and involved Kame in costume or dancing. (Okay, maybe imitating a slinky or in need of a pole because that was not dancing, no matter what Kame claimed.)
Both incidents also resulted in Kame being escorted off the property because staging a huge musical dance number in a hospital or an old folks’ home is really disruptive and not to mention, somewhat inappropriate.
(Kame claims that it’s completely normal in America and everyone barred Kame from watching that weird American show about high school children who burst out into song about every ten minutes.)
“Personally, I think the janitor incident was better. I mean, he didn’t fake having a concussion to get into the old folks’ home,” Nakamaru remarks mildly.
“He had a concussion when he went to the hospital, he just thought it was time to kill two birds with one stone and start singing,” Koki grunts as he takes a moment to scrutinise Nakamaru’s sweater in a rather critical manner that might remind one of that really scary lady in the Devil Wears Prada, pursed lips and all. “What are you wearing? Is it a vest or a hoodie or a sweater or some knitter’s nightmare?”
“I thought it was homely,” Taguchi inputs, although no one really listens.
*
“I figured it out,” Koki announces finally, “When you think of love confessions, what do you think of?”
“Kame,” everyone choruses in perfect harmony that isn’t achievable in their live concerts.
The point is, “I meant besides the countless times Kame has gone overboard to act on emotion, what else do you think of when you say love confessions?”
Everyone stares at Koki like his head has gone far, far away.
“Dramas,” Koki explodes, “Clearly, dramas! Like how the primary love interests can’t be together because someone has terminal cancer or one of them has to go overseas for education and clearly hasn’t heard of the phone or email or even god damn letter writing. And they always think the other person’s moved on and will be in a loveless relationship for about five episodes before they confess to each other in the rain or at sunset or after a long chase to the airport.”
Now would probably be a good time to wonder what Koki does in his spare time (writing sexual lyrics is one of his hobbies, but just one. He has to find the inspiration somehow, so that could be another activity done in private).
“As much as we appreciate your secret love for dramas, why are we discussing this in a pet store?” Nakamaru asks as he places himself behind Taguchi in hopes that the very energetic parrot in the corner won’t spot and attack him.
“Because baby bunnies are cute,” Ueda declares as he and Koki press their faces up against the glass to coo and make revoltingly adorable noises at the tiny fluff balls that are happily hopping around on the straw.
Koki’s already happily turned into a puddle of animal loving goo, “Who’s a cute bunny wabbit?”
“I say this with all the love in the world, but I really hope to never listen to you speak like that. Ever,” Nakamaru mutters.
“Iriguchi deguchi Taguchi desu!”
Everyone take a moment to look at Taguchi because now is not a good time-mainly because it’s never a good time for Taguchi to introduce himself ever, never, really-but also because somehow the baby bunnies are hopping all over the floor and out the store.
No, really. The baby rabbits are escaping.
“THE BABY RABBITS ARE ESCAPING,” Nakamaru exclaims uselessly.
The poor pet store owner just stands in a corner, dismayed that four grown men managed to set free adorable baby rabbits on all the poor unsuspecting mall folk.
“WHAT DO WE DO?” Taguchi screeches, loud enough that the parrots screech along with him, but they more or less screech “KAW KAW” because that’s what parrots screech.
In the midst of Nakamaru apologising to the pet store owner, Koki laughing hysterically, the parrots going ‘KAW KAW’ and Taguchi screaming “WHAT DO WE DO”, Ueda manages to find some common sense:
“I don’t know, how about we catch the rabbits before someone steps on them?”
Kame’s absolute like for Shige just has to wait.
*
“Hey,” Subaru says. “Rabbits.”
“Cool,” Ohkura remarks, not even looking up from his burger.
“Cute,” Yasu comments happily, taking a photo of the herd of baby rabbits that are just hopping by in broad daylight in a shopping centre where there are plenty of people.
Although, Yoko spits out his espresso (right into Hina’s face) when Ueda, Nakamaru, Taguchi and Koki run by, screaming at the baby bunnies to please, please, pretty please come back to the cosy pet store or else someone big and mean will step on them and no one wants a stepped on baby bunny, right?
“You know, I’m not even going to ask,” Ryo mutters. “Maru, who are you calling?”
“My mom.”
“Kay.”
Because really, who needs to call up mall security?
*
Luckily for everyone, the baby rabbits don’t get stepped on. Unluckily for everyone, Hey!Say!JUMP caught them. Actually to be specific, Hey!Say!JUMP was having a group outing (because Hey!Say!JUMP totally does that type of thing) and then the rabbits took refuge near the big group of young boys, men, boy-men(?!) and, well.
“I won’t give it up,” Chinen Yuri insists. “He’s my Fluffy Fuwa Fuwa Bunny. You can’t have him.”
“YOU DIDN’T EVEN PAY FOR HIM,” Koki yells, about to lose his temper. Actually, he lost his temper when they were racing after the rabbits like mad fools because there was a small boy who pointed and laughed at the funny oniichans who were being outrun by bunnies.
“He. Is. Mine.”
“Yuri-kun,” Nakamaru tells to reason nicely.
“Look,” Yamada drawls, all confident and puffed up because he’s sort of hit puberty, “There’s ten of us-”
“Nine,” Yabu corrects. “There’s only nine of us.”
“-Whatever. There are more of us than there are of you. What are you going to do, make Chinen give up his bunny?”
“IT’S NOT HIS BUNNY,” Ueda snarls from where Taguchi is restraining him because beating up of the kouhai is really frowned upon, even if it is over a rabbit.
“No,” Koki hisses, “We’re going to call Ohno.”
Then he looks at Nakamaru who looks at Ueda who looks at (or more so, up) at Taguchi.
*
In the end, they end up buying Chinen Yuri the stupid bunny because apparently none of them have Ohno Satoshi’s number.
Yamada Ryousuke laughs at them.
Nakamaru and Taguchi end having to drag Ueda and Koki away, kicking and screaming every step of the way.
*
“You know, maybe we should just call it a day,” Nakamaru says woefully because the day really did get worse (yes, there are worse things that the escape of baby rabbits and people spilling crumbs all over his carpet but for the sake of the young and innocent, how the day got worse will be omitted and let it just be assumed that being outwitted by Hey!Say!JUMP is really the main source of woes).
Ueda nods, “Kame’s a big boy, he can look after himself.”
“Are you sure Shige is even his type?” Koki asks doubtfully. “I mean, really?”
“What about Shige?”
The four of them turn to look at Koyama. Who’s wearing an apron.
“What about Shige?” Koyama repeats cheerfully. Before they can ask: “I work here. It’s my mother’s shop. I’m helping her.”
“I’m sure you’re very helpful,” Ueda deadpans, “Seriously?”
“Seriously. What about Shige? He’s in the back, right now.”
“WE NEED TO TALK TO HIM,” Koki and Taguchi yell, both standing up and charging into the back of the kitchen-because it’s not like they haven’t done enough running around and shouting for the day.
“The ramen is really good by the way,” Nakamaru adds as Ueda drags him off to the kitchen as well, “What is Shige even doing-”
“Hello,” Kame greets from where he’s washing dishes with Shige, pink rubber gloves and all. “How are you?”
*
The story of Kame acting on emotion in concerns to Shige is pretty much simple: Yamapi said something, it got back to Kame who went to straighten Shige out (oh, the pun, all the pun) and that resulted in a conversation over ramen and agreeing to help Koyama run the shop because Tegoshi and Massu did promise but instead, they’re busy guiding traffic or something like that.
“So, all this time, we’ve been worried you’ll become a public nuisance and you’ve been washing dishing with Mr Author?” Ueda splutters.
“I am right here,” Shige says helplessly.
“Yes, he and I have had a very good time washing dishes and talking and bonding like two normal people should,” Kame replies smartly, “Besides, whatever do you have to worry about?”
“I don’t know, you serenading him and demanding his love and your stripping?” Koki lists off. “It’s not like Katou can handle that type of stuff.”
“I am here, aren’t I?”
“I’m not that bad,” Kame argues, “And even if I am-”
“You are,” Taguchi and Nakamaru reassure.
“-It doesn’t mean that he’ll walk away, maybe he’s into that type of stuff.”
“You can see me, right?” Shige demands, turning to one very amused Koyama.
“Besides,” Kame carries on, reaching for another dish to wash. “What have you four been up to all day? I was meant to call you, but then I decided not to. It’s like you’ve been through a war and a half and Nakamaru looks downright miserable.”
“Being good help to you,” the four of them chorus.
Kame throws his head back and laughs, because only KAT-TUN would get it why/what he’s laughing at, whilst Shige and Koyama stare at the five of them, because everyone else starts laughing as well. It’s just a KAT-TUN thing, Kame tries to explain but in the end, no one really gets it.
But no one really needs to. Koyama makes ramen, Kame and Shige hold hands under the table, Ueda trolls Nakamaru by pouring a ridiculous amount of rayuu into Nakamaru’s ramen bowl, Taguchi makes a pun that cannot be disclosed for the sake of propriety and the problem of Kame liking Shige is solved.
Needless to say, everyone lived happily ever after. (Until the time a goat chases Nakamaru.)
From: reiicharu
Title: WE ARE REALLY GOOD JOB!!!
Pairings/Characters: Kame/Shige, KAT-TUN, Kanjani8, HEY!SAY!JUMP, NEWS (sort of)
Rating: PG-13
Warning: chickens, rabbits, bad puns on song titles/lyrics, Yamapi cameo, Kanjani8 cameos, Hey!Say!JUMP cameos, sort of NEWS cameos.
Notes: To swedish_weirdo, I noticed that you had a fondness for Kame/Shige and I decided to try and incorporate that into a KAT-TUN fic and then somehow, this happened.
Summary: Kame likes Shige. Nakamaru is scared of all the things. Kouhai are annoying.
The problem isn’t that Kame likes Shige.
Actually, that’s a part of the problem and KAT-TUN pretty much deals with problems everyday. Just last week, they had to stop a chicken from chasing Nakamaru up a tree. Actually, they didn’t really stop the chicken; they sort of let the chicken chase Nakamaru up a tree, laughed for five minutes then Koki decided he wanted to take the chicken home as a pet. Then they laughed for another ten minutes when Nakamaru realised that the tree was a very high up place and no one was willing to help him down except for Sakamoto-san from marketing.
And even Sakamoto-san from marketing was trying very hard not to laugh at Nakamaru. Or at his face.
But the problem at hand isn’t Nakamaru’s newfound fear of chickens or well-known acrophobia. The problem is that Kame really likes Shige and he won’t do a damn thing about it.
To be quite honest, saying Kame likes Shige is an understatement. That’d be like saying Willy Wonka’s factory makes candy. Kame likes Shige in the way kindergarten boys pulls the hair of kindergarten girls because they really like like them in the sickeningly sweet sugar candy chocolate baby way.
Now, you see, KAT-TUN has had their rough share of problems besides Nakamaru being the world’s biggest screamer when it comes to spiders, frogs, rollercoasters, heights, wild birds, the cat his neighbour owns and just about everything on the planet. KAT-TUN’s been through a war; they danced for Domoto Koichi, they had to watch as Kanjani8 and NEWS debut before them and not to mention, they had to deal with Jin leaving. Twice.
Okay, so they didn’t really deal. They sort of just lapsed into grudgingly angry silences and bring it up over drinks when there’s nothing else to complain about. And to be quite honest, they don’t even get to complain about it because someone (read: Koki and Taguchi) is always complaining how about someone else (read: Kame and Ueda) won’t stop hogging the mirror space in the dressing room. Not to mention, when Jin left, there was suddenly a lot more hair product to go around and there’s nothing happier than an idol group with more hair spray.
Again, the point is, KAT-TUN knows how to deal with problems. Kame’s Jupiter sized affection for Shige is nothing compared to their history of fights over cake spilled on tatami mats and Ueda not covering Nakamaru’s mistake due to his appalling eyesight.
*
The plan originally was to somehow lock Kame and Shige in a room and hope that Kame would just keep talking and talking and talking until his monologue broaches on the subject of loved ones and soul mates and that would be the point in which Kame blurts out his really, really big love for Shige and then everyone will live happily ever after and ARASHI will sing a song about rainbows and endless roads.
But that doesn’t happen and KAT-TUN finds themselves extremely displeased with one Yamashita Tomohisa.
“I didn’t mean to,” Yamashita Tomohisa the Idiot Who Destroyed Everything wails to his defence (and now would be an extreme point of interest to ponder on what else Yamapi has destroyed because several NEWS fans have much to say on that topic). “I mean, he didn’t even believe me!”
“Of course he wouldn’t believe you,” Koki snaps, hitting Yamapi over the head. “No one believes a word out of your mouth.”
“Johnny does!”
“Johnny would believe that Kanjani8 runs a unicorn farm if it’d make him a hundred yen richer,” Ueda hisses as he flexes his muscles and prepares to knock Yamapi’s lights out.
(Another point of interest would be that out of all people, Yamapi was the one who starred in the boxing movie as opposed to Ueda who has been training in the sport of boxing for say, quite awhile and now apparently has a licence. But this isn’t about Ueda’s bitterness that Yamapi’s blank stares and strong jawline got him a movie part, really.)
“Look, I was just trying to help,” Yamapi protests helplessly like the helpless idiot he is. “I just told Shige that Kame likes him and that they should get together and talk. Shige just laughed it off and I don’t blame him. Kame likes everyone. Except for that guy in middle school who stole his baseball cards.”
“You were that guy in middle school who stole his baseball cards,” Taguchi reminds.
Everyone takes a moment to sigh in utmost dismay that Yamapi is pretty much destroying everything even though he has absolutely no part in it whatsoever. Irony, much.
*
So, because Yamashita Tomohisa the Idiot Who Destroyed Everything actually destroyed everything, KAT-TUN ends up sitting around in Nakamaru’s very neat living room, drinking strawberry soda because Nakamaru pretty much has the tolerance of a giddy school girl and also because Taguchi’s house is in the boonies, Koki’s house has a chicken and Ueda’s house is haunted.
“My house is not haunted!”
The point of the gathering is to figure out how to somehow help Kame act on his emotions, but in the end, Koki keeps insisting that the last time they were at Ueda’s house, a ghost came out of nowhere and demanded they sing Real Face.
“Ghosts do not want to hear people sing Real Face!” Ueda hisses. “There’s more of a chance of hobos living in Taguchi’s basement than my house being haunted.”
“My house does have a hobo,” Taguchi pipes.
Everyone takes a second to look at Taguchi like he’s lost his mind for a) housing a hobo and b) happily admitting it.
“That is very disturbing on many levels,” Nakamaru finally says, finishing the last can of strawberry soda.
(Mentally, they’re all adding Taguchi’s Hobo Resident to their list of problems that needs solving because a hobo in the house is not the same as Jin’s ‘trashy-casual-Hobo-in-Da-Haus’ look, it’s pretty much Going Dangerous on the dangerous scale.)
“Seriously, what do we do about Kame?” Koki asks, opening a packet of takoyaki favoured potato chips and sharing them with Ueda. “The last time he really liked someone, he ended up table dancing at an okama ar.”
“To my defence, I didn’t think he’d actually do it,” Taguchi says woefully. “I was only joking.”
They all silently pay tribute to Kame’s dead dignity. (Then again, they’re all Johnny’s, you sign your dignity away the moment your pen touches the dotted line.)
For a second, someone-read: Nakamaru-is logical, “Why can’t Kame just tell Shige himself instead of us having to go through elaborate schemes that probably waste time and make no sense whatsoever?”
“Because if we left it up to Kame, he’d probably either never ever anything at all or be unbearably grand in all his gestures one day and ignore Shige the next,” Ueda points out as he and Koki gets crumbs all over Nakamaru’s carpet (Nakamaru whimpers because he just vacuumed the place only yesterday). “Remember the janitor?”
Koki snorts, “Forget the janitor, anyone here remember the doctor?”
So, maybe Kamenashi Kazuya might have liked people in the past. A few. A lot. The most famous incidents would arguably be either the janitor or doctor-both had musical numbers and much attention and involved Kame in costume or dancing. (Okay, maybe imitating a slinky or in need of a pole because that was not dancing, no matter what Kame claimed.)
Both incidents also resulted in Kame being escorted off the property because staging a huge musical dance number in a hospital or an old folks’ home is really disruptive and not to mention, somewhat inappropriate.
(Kame claims that it’s completely normal in America and everyone barred Kame from watching that weird American show about high school children who burst out into song about every ten minutes.)
“Personally, I think the janitor incident was better. I mean, he didn’t fake having a concussion to get into the old folks’ home,” Nakamaru remarks mildly.
“He had a concussion when he went to the hospital, he just thought it was time to kill two birds with one stone and start singing,” Koki grunts as he takes a moment to scrutinise Nakamaru’s sweater in a rather critical manner that might remind one of that really scary lady in the Devil Wears Prada, pursed lips and all. “What are you wearing? Is it a vest or a hoodie or a sweater or some knitter’s nightmare?”
“I thought it was homely,” Taguchi inputs, although no one really listens.
*
“I figured it out,” Koki announces finally, “When you think of love confessions, what do you think of?”
“Kame,” everyone choruses in perfect harmony that isn’t achievable in their live concerts.
The point is, “I meant besides the countless times Kame has gone overboard to act on emotion, what else do you think of when you say love confessions?”
Everyone stares at Koki like his head has gone far, far away.
“Dramas,” Koki explodes, “Clearly, dramas! Like how the primary love interests can’t be together because someone has terminal cancer or one of them has to go overseas for education and clearly hasn’t heard of the phone or email or even god damn letter writing. And they always think the other person’s moved on and will be in a loveless relationship for about five episodes before they confess to each other in the rain or at sunset or after a long chase to the airport.”
Now would probably be a good time to wonder what Koki does in his spare time (writing sexual lyrics is one of his hobbies, but just one. He has to find the inspiration somehow, so that could be another activity done in private).
“As much as we appreciate your secret love for dramas, why are we discussing this in a pet store?” Nakamaru asks as he places himself behind Taguchi in hopes that the very energetic parrot in the corner won’t spot and attack him.
“Because baby bunnies are cute,” Ueda declares as he and Koki press their faces up against the glass to coo and make revoltingly adorable noises at the tiny fluff balls that are happily hopping around on the straw.
Koki’s already happily turned into a puddle of animal loving goo, “Who’s a cute bunny wabbit?”
“I say this with all the love in the world, but I really hope to never listen to you speak like that. Ever,” Nakamaru mutters.
“Iriguchi deguchi Taguchi desu!”
Everyone take a moment to look at Taguchi because now is not a good time-mainly because it’s never a good time for Taguchi to introduce himself ever, never, really-but also because somehow the baby bunnies are hopping all over the floor and out the store.
No, really. The baby rabbits are escaping.
“THE BABY RABBITS ARE ESCAPING,” Nakamaru exclaims uselessly.
The poor pet store owner just stands in a corner, dismayed that four grown men managed to set free adorable baby rabbits on all the poor unsuspecting mall folk.
“WHAT DO WE DO?” Taguchi screeches, loud enough that the parrots screech along with him, but they more or less screech “KAW KAW” because that’s what parrots screech.
In the midst of Nakamaru apologising to the pet store owner, Koki laughing hysterically, the parrots going ‘KAW KAW’ and Taguchi screaming “WHAT DO WE DO”, Ueda manages to find some common sense:
“I don’t know, how about we catch the rabbits before someone steps on them?”
Kame’s absolute like for Shige just has to wait.
*
“Hey,” Subaru says. “Rabbits.”
“Cool,” Ohkura remarks, not even looking up from his burger.
“Cute,” Yasu comments happily, taking a photo of the herd of baby rabbits that are just hopping by in broad daylight in a shopping centre where there are plenty of people.
Although, Yoko spits out his espresso (right into Hina’s face) when Ueda, Nakamaru, Taguchi and Koki run by, screaming at the baby bunnies to please, please, pretty please come back to the cosy pet store or else someone big and mean will step on them and no one wants a stepped on baby bunny, right?
“You know, I’m not even going to ask,” Ryo mutters. “Maru, who are you calling?”
“My mom.”
“Kay.”
Because really, who needs to call up mall security?
*
Luckily for everyone, the baby rabbits don’t get stepped on. Unluckily for everyone, Hey!Say!JUMP caught them. Actually to be specific, Hey!Say!JUMP was having a group outing (because Hey!Say!JUMP totally does that type of thing) and then the rabbits took refuge near the big group of young boys, men, boy-men(?!) and, well.
“I won’t give it up,” Chinen Yuri insists. “He’s my Fluffy Fuwa Fuwa Bunny. You can’t have him.”
“YOU DIDN’T EVEN PAY FOR HIM,” Koki yells, about to lose his temper. Actually, he lost his temper when they were racing after the rabbits like mad fools because there was a small boy who pointed and laughed at the funny oniichans who were being outrun by bunnies.
“He. Is. Mine.”
“Yuri-kun,” Nakamaru tells to reason nicely.
“Look,” Yamada drawls, all confident and puffed up because he’s sort of hit puberty, “There’s ten of us-”
“Nine,” Yabu corrects. “There’s only nine of us.”
“-Whatever. There are more of us than there are of you. What are you going to do, make Chinen give up his bunny?”
“IT’S NOT HIS BUNNY,” Ueda snarls from where Taguchi is restraining him because beating up of the kouhai is really frowned upon, even if it is over a rabbit.
“No,” Koki hisses, “We’re going to call Ohno.”
Then he looks at Nakamaru who looks at Ueda who looks at (or more so, up) at Taguchi.
*
In the end, they end up buying Chinen Yuri the stupid bunny because apparently none of them have Ohno Satoshi’s number.
Yamada Ryousuke laughs at them.
Nakamaru and Taguchi end having to drag Ueda and Koki away, kicking and screaming every step of the way.
*
“You know, maybe we should just call it a day,” Nakamaru says woefully because the day really did get worse (yes, there are worse things that the escape of baby rabbits and people spilling crumbs all over his carpet but for the sake of the young and innocent, how the day got worse will be omitted and let it just be assumed that being outwitted by Hey!Say!JUMP is really the main source of woes).
Ueda nods, “Kame’s a big boy, he can look after himself.”
“Are you sure Shige is even his type?” Koki asks doubtfully. “I mean, really?”
“What about Shige?”
The four of them turn to look at Koyama. Who’s wearing an apron.
“What about Shige?” Koyama repeats cheerfully. Before they can ask: “I work here. It’s my mother’s shop. I’m helping her.”
“I’m sure you’re very helpful,” Ueda deadpans, “Seriously?”
“Seriously. What about Shige? He’s in the back, right now.”
“WE NEED TO TALK TO HIM,” Koki and Taguchi yell, both standing up and charging into the back of the kitchen-because it’s not like they haven’t done enough running around and shouting for the day.
“The ramen is really good by the way,” Nakamaru adds as Ueda drags him off to the kitchen as well, “What is Shige even doing-”
“Hello,” Kame greets from where he’s washing dishes with Shige, pink rubber gloves and all. “How are you?”
*
The story of Kame acting on emotion in concerns to Shige is pretty much simple: Yamapi said something, it got back to Kame who went to straighten Shige out (oh, the pun, all the pun) and that resulted in a conversation over ramen and agreeing to help Koyama run the shop because Tegoshi and Massu did promise but instead, they’re busy guiding traffic or something like that.
“So, all this time, we’ve been worried you’ll become a public nuisance and you’ve been washing dishing with Mr Author?” Ueda splutters.
“I am right here,” Shige says helplessly.
“Yes, he and I have had a very good time washing dishes and talking and bonding like two normal people should,” Kame replies smartly, “Besides, whatever do you have to worry about?”
“I don’t know, you serenading him and demanding his love and your stripping?” Koki lists off. “It’s not like Katou can handle that type of stuff.”
“I am here, aren’t I?”
“I’m not that bad,” Kame argues, “And even if I am-”
“You are,” Taguchi and Nakamaru reassure.
“-It doesn’t mean that he’ll walk away, maybe he’s into that type of stuff.”
“You can see me, right?” Shige demands, turning to one very amused Koyama.
“Besides,” Kame carries on, reaching for another dish to wash. “What have you four been up to all day? I was meant to call you, but then I decided not to. It’s like you’ve been through a war and a half and Nakamaru looks downright miserable.”
“Being good help to you,” the four of them chorus.
Kame throws his head back and laughs, because only KAT-TUN would get it why/what he’s laughing at, whilst Shige and Koyama stare at the five of them, because everyone else starts laughing as well. It’s just a KAT-TUN thing, Kame tries to explain but in the end, no one really gets it.
But no one really needs to. Koyama makes ramen, Kame and Shige hold hands under the table, Ueda trolls Nakamaru by pouring a ridiculous amount of rayuu into Nakamaru’s ramen bowl, Taguchi makes a pun that cannot be disclosed for the sake of propriety and the problem of Kame liking Shige is solved.
Needless to say, everyone lived happily ever after. (Until the time a goat chases Nakamaru.)