FIC FOR BELTENEBRA
For: beltenebra
From: krysyuy
Title: Change
Pairings/Characters: Ueda/Taguchi, KAT-TUN (splashes of all the combinations of Koki/Maru/Kame)
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: None.
Notes: Set in present-day. Also, please ignore the fact that I moved up the Monster Hunter PSP game release date, lol. I got the Only Star magazine quote from here. I really hope you enjoy this, beltenebra! ♥
Summary: Sometimes change takes a while.
Ueda doesn’t mind change. He’s learned to deal with it all his life. It can be easy, or it can be terrifying. It is, however, always inevitable.
Falling in love with Junno is all these things.
-
There is no great revelation, no moment where the sun forms a halo around his head to accompany his angelic smile, no overwhelming flare of passion.
They are sitting side by side on the couch in the dressing room. Everything is quiet, the other members gone off to different parts of the building. He’s reading a magazine; Taguchi is listening to music on his iPod thingy. It’s peaceful. And with everything in his life so often chaotic, it’s a welcome change. He glances at Taguchi out of the corner of his eye.
“Something on your mind, Uepi?”
I love you.
The thought flitters across his mind like a butterfly’s wings. He blinks.
-
To kick off the successful start of another tour year, KAT-TUN always gets smashed after the first concert. The high from finishing a live is intoxicating and they laugh and drink and talk well into the night.
“I’m hungry,” Koki declares out of the blue.
This prompts Kame to add, “I’m thirsty.”
“To catering!” they exclaim together, standing up and slinging their arms around each other.
“Get me a water bottle,” Nakamaru calls from his spot on the floor.
“Get it yourself,” Koki replies.
Kame snickers at the putout look on Nakamaru’s face, but pulls him up with one hand. “It’ll be an adventure~”
“Down the hallway?” says Nakamaru, his voice floating into the room just before they slam the door and turn off the lights.
“Ah.” He and Taguchi are left alone in the dark, both of them sitting next to each other on the floor and leaning back against the bed. “They left us.”
Taguchi has a penchant for stating the obvious, but Ueda just nods and stays quiet. Exhaustion is starting to settle in his bones and he thinks he might fall asleep just like this. Moonlight filters through the sheer curtains, enough to faintly illuminate the room.
Taguchi’s features are sharply defined under the pale light. Ueda’s gaze follows the tips of his bangs, the long line of his nose, the curve of his jaw. It comes to rest on the quiet, content smile teasing the corner of his lips. That smile does things to him, makes him feel whole and unbroken.
He wants more of this, more of it all, more of everything Junno.
“Hey… Taguchi.”
… he wants to know what it feels like to kiss him.
Taguchi’s head lolls over lazily so that they’re facing each other. He’s suddenly a lot closer. “Hmm?”
Maybe they won’t remember in the morning. It’s okay. He wouldn’t mind trying again.
Ueda leans forward those last few centimeters, and Taguchi’s lips are soft and warm, adding to the haze of the alcohol already clouding his mind. He wants more so he presses closer, dragging one hand through Taguchi’s hair, the other moving up his bare arm.
“… wait.”
That one word is enough to freeze his insides, and even before he sees the uncertainty in Taguchi’s eyes, Ueda can feel his heart twisting.
“I’m sorry, Tatsuya,” Taguchi says, his breath a whisper against his mouth. “I’m not- I don’t know if-”
He remembers that Taguchi has an annoyingly high tolerance for alcohol. “Shut up.” He doesn’t need to hear excuses. He turns away and closes his eyes. “Just shut up.”
-
They have a round of magazine interviews the next day, and Ueda doesn’t waste energy avoiding Taguchi in the wake of his failed confession. Never mind that Taguchi conveniently can’t catch his eye or corner him during their breaks.
Ueda answers the questions on automatic, immediately forgetting the words as soon as they leave his mouth. The last interview can’t come fast enough.
“Just a few more questions from the readers.” The interviewer smiles her polite interviewing smile, and she’s obviously ready for the end of the workday as well. “Let’s see… ‘What’s a secret about the other members that only you know about?’”
Ueda’s gaze flickers past her to the table where the remaining members are waiting for their turn. Kame and Koki have already disappeared to the dressing room to change out of their black suits. Nakamaru and Taguchi are both flipping through past Only Star issues. Taguchi giggles at something he reads and reaches over to show Nakamaru.
“Taguchi is, for some reason, cold,” he says. He gives the interviewer a dry smile. “For example when you’re depressed, the other members will listen to you talk or they’ll give you advice, but just ‘that guy’ will be indifferent. To me, I think we’re friends aren’t we?”
Were they even that, now? Had he wanted this change so much, that he screwed up everything else?
“But as a friend…”
… wait.
“… he’s just little a cold.”
I’m sorry, Tatsuya.
He chuckles on command, which gets a small laugh out of the interviewer. She can’t see past what he allows her to see. Taguchi glances their way, and Ueda moves so that the interviewer blocks his view of him.
Sorry doesn’t make him feel any better.
-
Several days pass where he doesn’t see any of the members, and it gives him time to cool his head. So, Taguchi doesn’t want him. Fine. Great. Whatever. When they finally have another photo shoot, Ueda thinks things go rather smoothly. It’s not until later that Kame tells him otherwise. They’re the only ones left in the dressing room, the others off playing with their toy guns for yet another survival game.
“Taguchi was looking for you,” Kame says, inspecting himself in the mirror.
Ueda just tosses his things in his bag. If Taguchi saw him now, he would get that crease in his forehead, the one when he’s baffled at people’s lack of neatness. Taguchi can’t stand messes.
Ueda briefly considers rearranging Taguchi’s things the next time he sees him (and by rearranging, he means dumping the stuff out of his bag and then sweeping it back in again).
Kame swings around in his chair. “Alright, what did Taguchi do?” he asks.
“What?”
“Taguchi must have done something to piss you off. You haven’t been this cold to him since the time he messed with your guitar.”
“He didn’t do anything.”
“Uh-huh.” Kame raises an eyebrow. “Well, he’s moping. Make up with him, will you? Taguchi depressed freaks me out. Plus it’s not productive for the group.”
“I can’t help if he’s an idiot.”
“Your idiot?” Kame asks innocently, though his smirk says otherwise.
Despite everything, something in Ueda is pleased at the thought. He’s always been possessive. “I never said he was my idiot.”
“But it’s implied.”
Fuck yeah it is.
-
Being mad about something he can’t control is pointless. He can’t blame him for not feeling the same. Besides… he misses him.
“Hey Taguchi,” he says, not looking up from his notebook. He scribbles down some nonsense lyrics and out of the corner of his eye, he sees Taguchi and the others pause in whatever they’re doing. It is the first time in days that he’s spoken to him first instead of the other way around. “I’m tired of that baseball game already. Any new games I should look into?”
He ignores Kame’s knowing look.
Taguchi’s momentary confusion is brief, and the large, relieved smile that breaks over his face has Ueda wondering why it took so long for him to say anything. “MonHan!” he exclaims.
“MonHan? Am I supposed to know what that means?”
“Uepi, you don’t know Monster Hunter?!” That triggers a long spiel on the pros and cons of the PSP game, and how there are new quests to check out and monsters to… well, hunt. The longer he rambles, the more something eases inside Ueda’s chest.
He had forgotten that while some things change, there are things that don’t. He can’t be unhappy about it, not when it means Taguchi stays a constant in his life. In the end, that’s all he needs.
-
Things go back to normal, whatever that means. Ueda pretends nothing changed. Seeing Taguchi smiling still prompts a smile of his own. Taguchi’s jokes are just as random as before and every once in awhile, he still pretends that he doesn’t find them half as funny as he really does.
But there are moments. Moments when his touch lingers on Taguchi’s hand, his shoulder, his fingers. Sometimes his eyes dance to and away from Taguchi’s mouth, remembering that one brief encounter where he thought he finally had everything he ever wanted.
These moments last only seconds, sometimes even less than that. Ueda likes to think he’s moving on.
-
That was really stupid, is his only thought as the curtains swing shut behind him, the sound of the fans cheering ringing in his ears.
“Uepi?”
Taguchi’s there, waiting next to the entrance of the stage. His face comes in and out of focus. Ueda blinks. He takes another step and almost crumples to the floor, but Taguchi catches him just in time. “Uepi! What’s wrong?”
“I’ll leave the stunts up to you next time,” he says. He grits his teeth as the pain emanating from his foot throbs. He allows himself to lean against Taguchi because really, it hurts like a bitch.
In the next moment, the staff is upon them and Koki and Nakamaru crowd around him too. Taguchi’s grip on him loosens as a staff member takes over and guides him to a chair. Koki and Nakamaru look worried, but they try hard to be reassuring.
“It’s okay, Ueda!” Koki exclaims, patting his shoulder. “It’s definitely not a fracture, you’ll be fine.”
Ueda wants to know how the hell Koki can tell because the shooting pain definitely feels more serious than a sprain. Instead, all he can say is “sorry”. He has never not finished a concert from start to finish, and the thought makes him feel even crappier.
A staff worker appears out of nowhere with a wheelchair and he’s whisked away before the members can say anything else. The rest of the night is a blur of doctors and pain with repeated instructions to take it easy and rest. Not a problem. He all but collapses on his bed when his manager drops him off at his hotel room.
There are messages from all the members asking how he is, if he’s okay, and he replies to each one of them, apologizing. He lingers on Taguchi’s somewhat generic message, a bit disappointed, but he doesn’t have time to dwell. The moment his head touches the pillow, he’s out.
A persistent knocking hours later rouses him. He throws a pillow in the direction of the door. It lands harmlessly in the middle of the entryway.
“Go. Away.”
The annoying sound doesn’t stop and he drags himself out of bed, ready to lay into whoever was dumb enough to disturb his sleep.
He uses the wall as support to hop to the door, and then he swings it open. He has to tilt his head up. “Taguchi, what the hell,” he says.
Taguchi’s hair is mussed and disheveled as if he’d been tossing and turning in his bed. He scans Ueda from top to bottom before staring at the cast on his left foot. His face is a picture perfect blank.
Ueda waits a moment. Nothing happens. “I’m going to sleep,” he says, ready to slam the door.
Suddenly Taguchi’s arms are wrapped around him, squeezing him tight. “I’m so glad you’re alright,” he says. His voice is a murmur against his neck and Ueda shivers at the vibration, feeling the return of that all too familiar ache.
Words lock up in his throat and all Ueda can do is hug him back.
-
“You cut your hair!”
Kame’s exclamation prompts Ueda to look up from his manga. He closes it to give Taguchi his full attention. His hair has been cut short again, reminiscent of the style from their DUES PV, and dyed amber brown. He looks good.
“It looks good,” he says.
Taguchi beams, looking extremely pleased. “Thanks, Uepi!”
Koki runs a comb through his hair, observes Taguchi from the reflection of his mirror. “Any reason for the cut?”
“Actually, I got a part in a drama,” he confesses in a rush, the excitement exploding out of him. Ueda can tell he’s been holding that one in for a while.
“Oh~? Congrats.”
“Congratulations!”
“Yeah, someone besides Kame has to bring us work,” Koki says.
“Speak for yourself,” Nakamaru replies.
“How many times- Galileo Brain Research doesn’t count.”
“What’s it called?” Ueda cuts in before the argument escalates.
“’Inu wo kau to iu koto’,” Taguchi replies with a grin.
Ueda freezes. “You’re going to be in Nishikido’s drama?”
“How do you even know that?” Koki asks him.
He shrugs, still bothered at the thought of Taguchi appearing in that guy’s show. “Yamashita and I. We talk.”
“You two talk?”
“There’s nothing much else to do when we’re walking our dogs,” he says. “Complete silence works for me, but I don’t think Yamashita can stay quiet for that long.”
“You walk your dogs together?” Taguchi has a funny look on his face, and not the adorable KY kind.
“Can we bring it back around to Taguchi being in Nishikido’s drama? God, you really are a M, aren’t you?” Koki stretches and cracks his neck. “So much for more work.”
Taguchi tilts his head to the side. “What? Ryo-chan is awesome! We had a great time on Ganbatte Ikimasshoi.”
Ueda feels his brows scrunch downward in a frown.
-
It’s actually ridiculously easy to corner Nishikido alone in the agency’s hallways. He looks surprised before his face smoothes over into a small smirk. “Waiting for me? Gotta say - that’s creepy.”
Ueda doesn’t beat around the bush. “Don’t mess with Junno.”
“Taguchi? We’re cool,” he replies. “You worried I’m going to hurt his feelings?”
“It’s not like you lost your poison tongue.”
“Like you never gave as good you got.”
“Just don’t be stupid,” Ueda says. His voice drops another few degrees and he takes a step toward him. “He’s really excited and if you ruin that for him…”
“I’ll be sure to be extra nice to him,” Nishikido replies, sarcasm evident. He looks over Ueda’s shoulder. “Call off your guard dog, will you? I don’t have time for this.”
Ueda turns to find Taguchi standing behind them, looking concerned. Nishikido brushes past him. “Jealousy doesn’t suit you, Ueda,” he says in a low voice, laughter tinting the edges.
Ueda punches his shoulder. Nishikido curses and Taguchi steps in quickly. “I’ll see you at the table reading tomorrow,” he says to him.
“Yeah, yeah. Just keep a leash on him,” Nishikido retorts, rubbing his shoulder. “Fuck.”
Baby. He didn’t even use his full strength. Taguchi’s firm grip on his shoulder is the only thing holding him back from rectifying that mistake. He glares at Nishikido’s retreating back.
“You didn’t have to do that,” Taguchi says. “Ryo-chan’s bark is worse than his bite.”
“I can do whatever I want,” he snaps.
Taguchi catches his wrist before he can storm away. “Thanks for looking out for me,” he says quietly.
The annoyance seeps out of him and he smiles wryly. “Well,” he says, “who else is going to?”
-
Days pass and in the midst of tour planning, Ueda somehow finds himself at a miniature golf course with KAT-TUN. Only a few people are milling around, what with it being the middle of the week, but he and the members are still decked out in a combination of hats, sunglasses and/or hoodies.
“How did I wind up here again?” he mutters to himself. Someone had said something about group bonding (probably their manager)… And then apparently Nakamaru had free tickets from his sister and no other friends to share them with.
“I call Nakamaru!” two voices call at once.
Ueda adjusts his black sunglasses, turning away from the colorful mini landmarks of the course. Kame and Koki face each other with narrowed eyes, Nakamaru standing awkwardly between them, holding all the putters. There is, however, a pleased flush coloring his face.
“Kame, are we going to have a problem?” Koki asks.
He smiles sweetly. “I don’t know, Koki. Are we?”
Koki twitches. As if he could refuse Kame anything. All of them already know how this is going to turn out. Rolling his eyes, Ueda pushes away from the pillar he’s leaning against and approaches the trio. He plucks a putter from Nakamaru’s arms.
“Someone’s going to be the odd man out anyway. You-” He waves the putter at them. “- can have your little ménage à trois.” Nakamaru flushes a deeper red, while Kame and Koki eye each other. “Now, where’s Taguchi? Let’s get this over with.”
“Follow the sound of obnoxious laughter.” Koki reaches for his own putter and pauses when his hand accidentally brushes Kame, who’s doing the same. “Come on,” he says gruffly. “Ueda, we’ll get started while you find Taguchi.”
“You are not saddling me with finding him on my own.”
“Hey, he’s your partner.” Koki shrugs and slings an arm around both Nakamaru’s and Kame’s shoulders, leading them away.
Ugh. Ueda contemplates just parking himself at a picnic table and brainstorming in his notebook. Then he remembers how excited Taguchi had been about mini-golfing and he sighs. He wanders around the entrance area where the cheesy kid music is at its loudest.
Somehow, Ueda isn’t surprised to find Taguchi bopping his head to the beat. He’s twirling his putter like a baton and doing little bits of choreography that Ueda remembers seeing the fresh Juniors do the last time they appeared on Shokura.
“What are you doing?” he asks.
Taguchi does a quick spin on his heel. “Just puttering around!” he says with a salute.
A smile darts across his lips before he schools his face. “The others already started,” he says. “Let’s go.” He snags him by the sleeve.
Taguchi tugs him in the other direction. “We’re already at hole 10,” he says. Hole 10 turns out to be L-shaped with batches of colored blocks serving as obstacles. “Let’s just start here and we can work our way back.”
He shrugs. “Whatever.” It’s all the same to him.
Taguchi doesn’t comment on his lack of enthusiasm. Instead, he seems to get even bouncier to compensate. “Winner gets a prize~” he sings, while setting up his orange golf ball.
A prize? He perks up. “What kind of prize?”
“How about something from the gift shop?” Taguchi putts the ball and it bounces against all the blocks like the inside of a pinball machine. The ball rolls to a stop inches away from the hole. “Ah!” Taguchi hangs his head. “Didn’t putt enough strength in that one!”
Ueda ignores him and strolls up to take his spot. “The gift shop. How exciting.” He pauses.
“Forgetting something, Uepi?” Taguchi offers him a dark blue golf ball with a large grin.
Ueda refuses to acknowledge the fluttering in his stomach and plucks the ball with a murmured “thanks” and sets up his shot. He puts more force behind his putt and his ball follows the same ricochets as Taguchi’s. It sails past Taguchi’s ball and then glides just along the edge of the hole before settling at the very end of the path.
No way! “That should’ve gone in!” he exclaims. “Do-over!”
Taguchi is already in the midst of finishing his putt. He scribbles something on a scorecard he magically produces from somewhere on his person. “There are no practice shots in a golf competition,” he says.
“We’re mini-golfing,” Ueda replies in a flat tone.
“Which makes it ten times more serious!” Taguchi says cheerfully. “Finish your shot and we can move on to the next one. It has a lighthouse!”
He snorts. “A lighthouse? The castle with the moat looks way more exciting.” He finishes his putt as well. “Put me down for two strokes.” He looks up to find Taguchi smiling at him. “What?”
“As expected, a prince would look forward to the castle, huh?”
He shakes his head with a small smile. “Come on. I need to beat your ass,” he says. “Then you can buy me something fancy. Like a visor. Or a snow globe.”
Taguchi tosses his golf ball up and down. “We’ll see about that. I’ve thought about going pro, y’know,” he says. “To earn my bread and putter.”
“You already used that word two times before that,” he says as seriously as he can, even as he hides a chuckle. “That new pun is invalid.”
Taguchi winks. “If it works, it works.”
“But they never work.”
He shrugs. “If you say so~” He rushes over to the lighthouse of the next hole, towering over it. “See, if you hit it through the doors and not around, then the light at the top will turn on!”
Ueda laughs at how giant Taguchi looks next to the small-scale lighthouse. Plus his enthusiasm is infectious, but that’s nothing new. He uses his putter to pat the starting point.
“Shut up and putt.”
The next couple hours are spent putting through, in and around miniature buildings, hills and obstacles decorating the different shaped paths of each hole. They putt under the legs of the Tokyo Tower and then through the lobby of a five-star hotel (so the sign says) and even around the replica of a shrine. On their way back to hole one, they see the others - Nakamaru looking quite determined while Kame and Koki look amused. The two of them share enigmatic looks and Ueda vaguely wonders if Nakamaru knows what he’s getting into. He and Masuda will probably hear about it later.
They finally reach the hole with the castle, and Ueda’s kind of delighted that it comes with a tiny moat and drawbridge. With the way the hole is designed, he has to either make his way around the moat to reach the hole in the back or he can putt straight through the castle. The problem is that the drawbridge is raised slightly.
How to hit… He’s definitely not going around the moat - that would take too many strokes and there’s no way he’s giving up his lead. Through the castle it is.
“Uepi, just -”
“Shh.”
He ends up hitting the ball harder than necessary and winces as it hurtles towards the castle. It looks like it will land in the water - but then it bounces against a bump in the road, which makes it jump over the gap and onto the drawbridge. From there, the ball goes sailing down the middle before dropping into the hole with a small clack.
The next thing he knows, he’s being lifted off his feet. “You made it!” Taguchi says. Ueda can hear his grin.
He slaps him on the side of the head before the taller man does something even more embarrassing - like swing him around - though he’s grinning too. “Put me down,” he orders.
Taguchi sets him down, but doesn’t remove his arms from around him. “Are you wearing your golfer’s socks?” he asks cheekily. “The pair with a hole in one.”
Ueda can’t help it - the laugh bubbles out from him, carefree and light and he can feel his mouth curving into an even bigger smile. He sobers when he sees the quiet expression on Taguchi’s face. He looks… regretful?
“Taguchi?”
“I’m sorry!” he blurts out. “I know you didn’t like hearing it the first time and that’s why I never brought it up again because you just got so angry and I never meant to hurt you. I wasn’t sure and I know it took me a really long time, but I just wasn’t sure, but I know now. I know.”
Equal parts bewildered and lost, he says, “Spit it out. In sentences I can understand.”
Ueda jumps when Taguchi practically yanks him forward by the lapels of his jacket. Taguchi’s lips are still as soft as he remembers them, but the burst of passion is a nice surprise. Their first kiss had been tender and sweet; this is something else altogether. But the unexpected sensation shocks him so much he doesn’t have time to enjoy it.
Taguchi is the first to pull back again, that same uncertainty shining in his eyes, but now there’s hope there too.
Something blooms to life inside his chest.
“I thought you -”
Taguchi shakes his head, leans down to press their foreheads together. “Things change.”
He leans in again, but Ueda sees it coming and this time he can taste his smile. He feels lightheaded and dizzy, not sure if it’s an effect from the kiss or the happiness that’s engulfing him in waves. Not that it matters either way. He tugs him closer.
Breathless and with mischief coloring his tone, he whispers, “Took you long enough.”
fin.
From: krysyuy
Title: Change
Pairings/Characters: Ueda/Taguchi, KAT-TUN (splashes of all the combinations of Koki/Maru/Kame)
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: None.
Notes: Set in present-day. Also, please ignore the fact that I moved up the Monster Hunter PSP game release date, lol. I got the Only Star magazine quote from here. I really hope you enjoy this, beltenebra! ♥
Summary: Sometimes change takes a while.
Ueda doesn’t mind change. He’s learned to deal with it all his life. It can be easy, or it can be terrifying. It is, however, always inevitable.
Falling in love with Junno is all these things.
-
There is no great revelation, no moment where the sun forms a halo around his head to accompany his angelic smile, no overwhelming flare of passion.
They are sitting side by side on the couch in the dressing room. Everything is quiet, the other members gone off to different parts of the building. He’s reading a magazine; Taguchi is listening to music on his iPod thingy. It’s peaceful. And with everything in his life so often chaotic, it’s a welcome change. He glances at Taguchi out of the corner of his eye.
“Something on your mind, Uepi?”
I love you.
The thought flitters across his mind like a butterfly’s wings. He blinks.
-
To kick off the successful start of another tour year, KAT-TUN always gets smashed after the first concert. The high from finishing a live is intoxicating and they laugh and drink and talk well into the night.
“I’m hungry,” Koki declares out of the blue.
This prompts Kame to add, “I’m thirsty.”
“To catering!” they exclaim together, standing up and slinging their arms around each other.
“Get me a water bottle,” Nakamaru calls from his spot on the floor.
“Get it yourself,” Koki replies.
Kame snickers at the putout look on Nakamaru’s face, but pulls him up with one hand. “It’ll be an adventure~”
“Down the hallway?” says Nakamaru, his voice floating into the room just before they slam the door and turn off the lights.
“Ah.” He and Taguchi are left alone in the dark, both of them sitting next to each other on the floor and leaning back against the bed. “They left us.”
Taguchi has a penchant for stating the obvious, but Ueda just nods and stays quiet. Exhaustion is starting to settle in his bones and he thinks he might fall asleep just like this. Moonlight filters through the sheer curtains, enough to faintly illuminate the room.
Taguchi’s features are sharply defined under the pale light. Ueda’s gaze follows the tips of his bangs, the long line of his nose, the curve of his jaw. It comes to rest on the quiet, content smile teasing the corner of his lips. That smile does things to him, makes him feel whole and unbroken.
He wants more of this, more of it all, more of everything Junno.
“Hey… Taguchi.”
… he wants to know what it feels like to kiss him.
Taguchi’s head lolls over lazily so that they’re facing each other. He’s suddenly a lot closer. “Hmm?”
Maybe they won’t remember in the morning. It’s okay. He wouldn’t mind trying again.
Ueda leans forward those last few centimeters, and Taguchi’s lips are soft and warm, adding to the haze of the alcohol already clouding his mind. He wants more so he presses closer, dragging one hand through Taguchi’s hair, the other moving up his bare arm.
“… wait.”
That one word is enough to freeze his insides, and even before he sees the uncertainty in Taguchi’s eyes, Ueda can feel his heart twisting.
“I’m sorry, Tatsuya,” Taguchi says, his breath a whisper against his mouth. “I’m not- I don’t know if-”
He remembers that Taguchi has an annoyingly high tolerance for alcohol. “Shut up.” He doesn’t need to hear excuses. He turns away and closes his eyes. “Just shut up.”
-
They have a round of magazine interviews the next day, and Ueda doesn’t waste energy avoiding Taguchi in the wake of his failed confession. Never mind that Taguchi conveniently can’t catch his eye or corner him during their breaks.
Ueda answers the questions on automatic, immediately forgetting the words as soon as they leave his mouth. The last interview can’t come fast enough.
“Just a few more questions from the readers.” The interviewer smiles her polite interviewing smile, and she’s obviously ready for the end of the workday as well. “Let’s see… ‘What’s a secret about the other members that only you know about?’”
Ueda’s gaze flickers past her to the table where the remaining members are waiting for their turn. Kame and Koki have already disappeared to the dressing room to change out of their black suits. Nakamaru and Taguchi are both flipping through past Only Star issues. Taguchi giggles at something he reads and reaches over to show Nakamaru.
“Taguchi is, for some reason, cold,” he says. He gives the interviewer a dry smile. “For example when you’re depressed, the other members will listen to you talk or they’ll give you advice, but just ‘that guy’ will be indifferent. To me, I think we’re friends aren’t we?”
Were they even that, now? Had he wanted this change so much, that he screwed up everything else?
“But as a friend…”
… wait.
“… he’s just little a cold.”
I’m sorry, Tatsuya.
He chuckles on command, which gets a small laugh out of the interviewer. She can’t see past what he allows her to see. Taguchi glances their way, and Ueda moves so that the interviewer blocks his view of him.
Sorry doesn’t make him feel any better.
-
Several days pass where he doesn’t see any of the members, and it gives him time to cool his head. So, Taguchi doesn’t want him. Fine. Great. Whatever. When they finally have another photo shoot, Ueda thinks things go rather smoothly. It’s not until later that Kame tells him otherwise. They’re the only ones left in the dressing room, the others off playing with their toy guns for yet another survival game.
“Taguchi was looking for you,” Kame says, inspecting himself in the mirror.
Ueda just tosses his things in his bag. If Taguchi saw him now, he would get that crease in his forehead, the one when he’s baffled at people’s lack of neatness. Taguchi can’t stand messes.
Ueda briefly considers rearranging Taguchi’s things the next time he sees him (and by rearranging, he means dumping the stuff out of his bag and then sweeping it back in again).
Kame swings around in his chair. “Alright, what did Taguchi do?” he asks.
“What?”
“Taguchi must have done something to piss you off. You haven’t been this cold to him since the time he messed with your guitar.”
“He didn’t do anything.”
“Uh-huh.” Kame raises an eyebrow. “Well, he’s moping. Make up with him, will you? Taguchi depressed freaks me out. Plus it’s not productive for the group.”
“I can’t help if he’s an idiot.”
“Your idiot?” Kame asks innocently, though his smirk says otherwise.
Despite everything, something in Ueda is pleased at the thought. He’s always been possessive. “I never said he was my idiot.”
“But it’s implied.”
Fuck yeah it is.
-
Being mad about something he can’t control is pointless. He can’t blame him for not feeling the same. Besides… he misses him.
“Hey Taguchi,” he says, not looking up from his notebook. He scribbles down some nonsense lyrics and out of the corner of his eye, he sees Taguchi and the others pause in whatever they’re doing. It is the first time in days that he’s spoken to him first instead of the other way around. “I’m tired of that baseball game already. Any new games I should look into?”
He ignores Kame’s knowing look.
Taguchi’s momentary confusion is brief, and the large, relieved smile that breaks over his face has Ueda wondering why it took so long for him to say anything. “MonHan!” he exclaims.
“MonHan? Am I supposed to know what that means?”
“Uepi, you don’t know Monster Hunter?!” That triggers a long spiel on the pros and cons of the PSP game, and how there are new quests to check out and monsters to… well, hunt. The longer he rambles, the more something eases inside Ueda’s chest.
He had forgotten that while some things change, there are things that don’t. He can’t be unhappy about it, not when it means Taguchi stays a constant in his life. In the end, that’s all he needs.
-
Things go back to normal, whatever that means. Ueda pretends nothing changed. Seeing Taguchi smiling still prompts a smile of his own. Taguchi’s jokes are just as random as before and every once in awhile, he still pretends that he doesn’t find them half as funny as he really does.
But there are moments. Moments when his touch lingers on Taguchi’s hand, his shoulder, his fingers. Sometimes his eyes dance to and away from Taguchi’s mouth, remembering that one brief encounter where he thought he finally had everything he ever wanted.
These moments last only seconds, sometimes even less than that. Ueda likes to think he’s moving on.
-
That was really stupid, is his only thought as the curtains swing shut behind him, the sound of the fans cheering ringing in his ears.
“Uepi?”
Taguchi’s there, waiting next to the entrance of the stage. His face comes in and out of focus. Ueda blinks. He takes another step and almost crumples to the floor, but Taguchi catches him just in time. “Uepi! What’s wrong?”
“I’ll leave the stunts up to you next time,” he says. He grits his teeth as the pain emanating from his foot throbs. He allows himself to lean against Taguchi because really, it hurts like a bitch.
In the next moment, the staff is upon them and Koki and Nakamaru crowd around him too. Taguchi’s grip on him loosens as a staff member takes over and guides him to a chair. Koki and Nakamaru look worried, but they try hard to be reassuring.
“It’s okay, Ueda!” Koki exclaims, patting his shoulder. “It’s definitely not a fracture, you’ll be fine.”
Ueda wants to know how the hell Koki can tell because the shooting pain definitely feels more serious than a sprain. Instead, all he can say is “sorry”. He has never not finished a concert from start to finish, and the thought makes him feel even crappier.
A staff worker appears out of nowhere with a wheelchair and he’s whisked away before the members can say anything else. The rest of the night is a blur of doctors and pain with repeated instructions to take it easy and rest. Not a problem. He all but collapses on his bed when his manager drops him off at his hotel room.
There are messages from all the members asking how he is, if he’s okay, and he replies to each one of them, apologizing. He lingers on Taguchi’s somewhat generic message, a bit disappointed, but he doesn’t have time to dwell. The moment his head touches the pillow, he’s out.
A persistent knocking hours later rouses him. He throws a pillow in the direction of the door. It lands harmlessly in the middle of the entryway.
“Go. Away.”
The annoying sound doesn’t stop and he drags himself out of bed, ready to lay into whoever was dumb enough to disturb his sleep.
He uses the wall as support to hop to the door, and then he swings it open. He has to tilt his head up. “Taguchi, what the hell,” he says.
Taguchi’s hair is mussed and disheveled as if he’d been tossing and turning in his bed. He scans Ueda from top to bottom before staring at the cast on his left foot. His face is a picture perfect blank.
Ueda waits a moment. Nothing happens. “I’m going to sleep,” he says, ready to slam the door.
Suddenly Taguchi’s arms are wrapped around him, squeezing him tight. “I’m so glad you’re alright,” he says. His voice is a murmur against his neck and Ueda shivers at the vibration, feeling the return of that all too familiar ache.
Words lock up in his throat and all Ueda can do is hug him back.
-
“You cut your hair!”
Kame’s exclamation prompts Ueda to look up from his manga. He closes it to give Taguchi his full attention. His hair has been cut short again, reminiscent of the style from their DUES PV, and dyed amber brown. He looks good.
“It looks good,” he says.
Taguchi beams, looking extremely pleased. “Thanks, Uepi!”
Koki runs a comb through his hair, observes Taguchi from the reflection of his mirror. “Any reason for the cut?”
“Actually, I got a part in a drama,” he confesses in a rush, the excitement exploding out of him. Ueda can tell he’s been holding that one in for a while.
“Oh~? Congrats.”
“Congratulations!”
“Yeah, someone besides Kame has to bring us work,” Koki says.
“Speak for yourself,” Nakamaru replies.
“How many times- Galileo Brain Research doesn’t count.”
“What’s it called?” Ueda cuts in before the argument escalates.
“’Inu wo kau to iu koto’,” Taguchi replies with a grin.
Ueda freezes. “You’re going to be in Nishikido’s drama?”
“How do you even know that?” Koki asks him.
He shrugs, still bothered at the thought of Taguchi appearing in that guy’s show. “Yamashita and I. We talk.”
“You two talk?”
“There’s nothing much else to do when we’re walking our dogs,” he says. “Complete silence works for me, but I don’t think Yamashita can stay quiet for that long.”
“You walk your dogs together?” Taguchi has a funny look on his face, and not the adorable KY kind.
“Can we bring it back around to Taguchi being in Nishikido’s drama? God, you really are a M, aren’t you?” Koki stretches and cracks his neck. “So much for more work.”
Taguchi tilts his head to the side. “What? Ryo-chan is awesome! We had a great time on Ganbatte Ikimasshoi.”
Ueda feels his brows scrunch downward in a frown.
-
It’s actually ridiculously easy to corner Nishikido alone in the agency’s hallways. He looks surprised before his face smoothes over into a small smirk. “Waiting for me? Gotta say - that’s creepy.”
Ueda doesn’t beat around the bush. “Don’t mess with Junno.”
“Taguchi? We’re cool,” he replies. “You worried I’m going to hurt his feelings?”
“It’s not like you lost your poison tongue.”
“Like you never gave as good you got.”
“Just don’t be stupid,” Ueda says. His voice drops another few degrees and he takes a step toward him. “He’s really excited and if you ruin that for him…”
“I’ll be sure to be extra nice to him,” Nishikido replies, sarcasm evident. He looks over Ueda’s shoulder. “Call off your guard dog, will you? I don’t have time for this.”
Ueda turns to find Taguchi standing behind them, looking concerned. Nishikido brushes past him. “Jealousy doesn’t suit you, Ueda,” he says in a low voice, laughter tinting the edges.
Ueda punches his shoulder. Nishikido curses and Taguchi steps in quickly. “I’ll see you at the table reading tomorrow,” he says to him.
“Yeah, yeah. Just keep a leash on him,” Nishikido retorts, rubbing his shoulder. “Fuck.”
Baby. He didn’t even use his full strength. Taguchi’s firm grip on his shoulder is the only thing holding him back from rectifying that mistake. He glares at Nishikido’s retreating back.
“You didn’t have to do that,” Taguchi says. “Ryo-chan’s bark is worse than his bite.”
“I can do whatever I want,” he snaps.
Taguchi catches his wrist before he can storm away. “Thanks for looking out for me,” he says quietly.
The annoyance seeps out of him and he smiles wryly. “Well,” he says, “who else is going to?”
-
Days pass and in the midst of tour planning, Ueda somehow finds himself at a miniature golf course with KAT-TUN. Only a few people are milling around, what with it being the middle of the week, but he and the members are still decked out in a combination of hats, sunglasses and/or hoodies.
“How did I wind up here again?” he mutters to himself. Someone had said something about group bonding (probably their manager)… And then apparently Nakamaru had free tickets from his sister and no other friends to share them with.
“I call Nakamaru!” two voices call at once.
Ueda adjusts his black sunglasses, turning away from the colorful mini landmarks of the course. Kame and Koki face each other with narrowed eyes, Nakamaru standing awkwardly between them, holding all the putters. There is, however, a pleased flush coloring his face.
“Kame, are we going to have a problem?” Koki asks.
He smiles sweetly. “I don’t know, Koki. Are we?”
Koki twitches. As if he could refuse Kame anything. All of them already know how this is going to turn out. Rolling his eyes, Ueda pushes away from the pillar he’s leaning against and approaches the trio. He plucks a putter from Nakamaru’s arms.
“Someone’s going to be the odd man out anyway. You-” He waves the putter at them. “- can have your little ménage à trois.” Nakamaru flushes a deeper red, while Kame and Koki eye each other. “Now, where’s Taguchi? Let’s get this over with.”
“Follow the sound of obnoxious laughter.” Koki reaches for his own putter and pauses when his hand accidentally brushes Kame, who’s doing the same. “Come on,” he says gruffly. “Ueda, we’ll get started while you find Taguchi.”
“You are not saddling me with finding him on my own.”
“Hey, he’s your partner.” Koki shrugs and slings an arm around both Nakamaru’s and Kame’s shoulders, leading them away.
Ugh. Ueda contemplates just parking himself at a picnic table and brainstorming in his notebook. Then he remembers how excited Taguchi had been about mini-golfing and he sighs. He wanders around the entrance area where the cheesy kid music is at its loudest.
Somehow, Ueda isn’t surprised to find Taguchi bopping his head to the beat. He’s twirling his putter like a baton and doing little bits of choreography that Ueda remembers seeing the fresh Juniors do the last time they appeared on Shokura.
“What are you doing?” he asks.
Taguchi does a quick spin on his heel. “Just puttering around!” he says with a salute.
A smile darts across his lips before he schools his face. “The others already started,” he says. “Let’s go.” He snags him by the sleeve.
Taguchi tugs him in the other direction. “We’re already at hole 10,” he says. Hole 10 turns out to be L-shaped with batches of colored blocks serving as obstacles. “Let’s just start here and we can work our way back.”
He shrugs. “Whatever.” It’s all the same to him.
Taguchi doesn’t comment on his lack of enthusiasm. Instead, he seems to get even bouncier to compensate. “Winner gets a prize~” he sings, while setting up his orange golf ball.
A prize? He perks up. “What kind of prize?”
“How about something from the gift shop?” Taguchi putts the ball and it bounces against all the blocks like the inside of a pinball machine. The ball rolls to a stop inches away from the hole. “Ah!” Taguchi hangs his head. “Didn’t putt enough strength in that one!”
Ueda ignores him and strolls up to take his spot. “The gift shop. How exciting.” He pauses.
“Forgetting something, Uepi?” Taguchi offers him a dark blue golf ball with a large grin.
Ueda refuses to acknowledge the fluttering in his stomach and plucks the ball with a murmured “thanks” and sets up his shot. He puts more force behind his putt and his ball follows the same ricochets as Taguchi’s. It sails past Taguchi’s ball and then glides just along the edge of the hole before settling at the very end of the path.
No way! “That should’ve gone in!” he exclaims. “Do-over!”
Taguchi is already in the midst of finishing his putt. He scribbles something on a scorecard he magically produces from somewhere on his person. “There are no practice shots in a golf competition,” he says.
“We’re mini-golfing,” Ueda replies in a flat tone.
“Which makes it ten times more serious!” Taguchi says cheerfully. “Finish your shot and we can move on to the next one. It has a lighthouse!”
He snorts. “A lighthouse? The castle with the moat looks way more exciting.” He finishes his putt as well. “Put me down for two strokes.” He looks up to find Taguchi smiling at him. “What?”
“As expected, a prince would look forward to the castle, huh?”
He shakes his head with a small smile. “Come on. I need to beat your ass,” he says. “Then you can buy me something fancy. Like a visor. Or a snow globe.”
Taguchi tosses his golf ball up and down. “We’ll see about that. I’ve thought about going pro, y’know,” he says. “To earn my bread and putter.”
“You already used that word two times before that,” he says as seriously as he can, even as he hides a chuckle. “That new pun is invalid.”
Taguchi winks. “If it works, it works.”
“But they never work.”
He shrugs. “If you say so~” He rushes over to the lighthouse of the next hole, towering over it. “See, if you hit it through the doors and not around, then the light at the top will turn on!”
Ueda laughs at how giant Taguchi looks next to the small-scale lighthouse. Plus his enthusiasm is infectious, but that’s nothing new. He uses his putter to pat the starting point.
“Shut up and putt.”
The next couple hours are spent putting through, in and around miniature buildings, hills and obstacles decorating the different shaped paths of each hole. They putt under the legs of the Tokyo Tower and then through the lobby of a five-star hotel (so the sign says) and even around the replica of a shrine. On their way back to hole one, they see the others - Nakamaru looking quite determined while Kame and Koki look amused. The two of them share enigmatic looks and Ueda vaguely wonders if Nakamaru knows what he’s getting into. He and Masuda will probably hear about it later.
They finally reach the hole with the castle, and Ueda’s kind of delighted that it comes with a tiny moat and drawbridge. With the way the hole is designed, he has to either make his way around the moat to reach the hole in the back or he can putt straight through the castle. The problem is that the drawbridge is raised slightly.
How to hit… He’s definitely not going around the moat - that would take too many strokes and there’s no way he’s giving up his lead. Through the castle it is.
“Uepi, just -”
“Shh.”
He ends up hitting the ball harder than necessary and winces as it hurtles towards the castle. It looks like it will land in the water - but then it bounces against a bump in the road, which makes it jump over the gap and onto the drawbridge. From there, the ball goes sailing down the middle before dropping into the hole with a small clack.
The next thing he knows, he’s being lifted off his feet. “You made it!” Taguchi says. Ueda can hear his grin.
He slaps him on the side of the head before the taller man does something even more embarrassing - like swing him around - though he’s grinning too. “Put me down,” he orders.
Taguchi sets him down, but doesn’t remove his arms from around him. “Are you wearing your golfer’s socks?” he asks cheekily. “The pair with a hole in one.”
Ueda can’t help it - the laugh bubbles out from him, carefree and light and he can feel his mouth curving into an even bigger smile. He sobers when he sees the quiet expression on Taguchi’s face. He looks… regretful?
“Taguchi?”
“I’m sorry!” he blurts out. “I know you didn’t like hearing it the first time and that’s why I never brought it up again because you just got so angry and I never meant to hurt you. I wasn’t sure and I know it took me a really long time, but I just wasn’t sure, but I know now. I know.”
Equal parts bewildered and lost, he says, “Spit it out. In sentences I can understand.”
Ueda jumps when Taguchi practically yanks him forward by the lapels of his jacket. Taguchi’s lips are still as soft as he remembers them, but the burst of passion is a nice surprise. Their first kiss had been tender and sweet; this is something else altogether. But the unexpected sensation shocks him so much he doesn’t have time to enjoy it.
Taguchi is the first to pull back again, that same uncertainty shining in his eyes, but now there’s hope there too.
Something blooms to life inside his chest.
“I thought you -”
Taguchi shakes his head, leans down to press their foreheads together. “Things change.”
He leans in again, but Ueda sees it coming and this time he can taste his smile. He feels lightheaded and dizzy, not sure if it’s an effect from the kiss or the happiness that’s engulfing him in waves. Not that it matters either way. He tugs him closer.
Breathless and with mischief coloring his tone, he whispers, “Took you long enough.”
fin.