FIC: Hurts Like a Missing Arm (FMA)(for numisma)
Title: Hurts Like a Missing Arm
Fandom: Fullmetal Alchemist
Rating: PG
Warnings: None, really. A bit angsty. Not the best thing I've ever written...
Dedication: for numisma at fic_on_demand
Request: Unwell
A/N: June!Challenge Day Four
Ed stared at the plate in front of him. Winry had brought it in to him, on a tray. “Breakfast in bed?” He’d actually managed to make a quip, but he hadn’t found it funny. Judging from the way Winry had tensed, she hadn’t found it funny either.
“You need to eat everything on this tray, Ed.” She tried to hide her unease behind bossiness, a technique that had always worked… before. “You’ll need your strength.”
“For the surgery.” Ed made it a blunt statement and Winry finally turned to look at him, blue eyes meeting amber.
“For the surgery.” She repeated his statement, as it hadn’t been a question.
Sighing, Ed picked up his chopsticks gingerly with his left hand. Concentrating, he finally managed to get a grip on them. He stared at the food in front of him, his appetite fleeing in front of it.
His arm… his leg… Alphonese… It wasn’t worth it.
His thoughts were interrupted when Winry came over beside him. She took the chopsticks from him silently and handed him a fork. “Here.”
He took it wordlessly, his fingers too tight and white against the metal. Forcing himself to breath, he poked the fork into a carrot. Lifting it to his mouth, he was struck with how wrong it felt.
“It’ll pass,” Winry answered him softly and Ed realized he’d spoken out loud.
“Will the automail…” Ed stopped, purposely not looking at the bandages that covered his right shoulder.
“You’ll have full use of it, just like a hand and arm.” Winry was straightening up his room as she talked and Ed stared at the fork in his left hand.
Just like a hand… but I won’t feel it… no feeling…
Ed closed his eyes against a sudden flash of memory. Al screaming… a monster on the floor in front of him… Mom?
Maybe having no feeling was a good thing. He wished that he could have been more selective about the parts of him that wouldn’t feel anything. He’d have kept the use of his hand, but he’d have given up his… what,? Memories… heart…
Taking a shuddering breath, Ed thought about Al. Al had given up everything… very nearly his life. The loss of an arm and leg was more than worth it for Al. Determined, Ed took an unsteady bite, then another.
He’d do anything to save his brother. Anything. Even learn to be left handed.
The only thing that could hurt worse than a missing arm would be letting Al down. He’d already cost him everything. Ed felt his lips quirk up in a humorless grin. He’d given up his arm and leg. He’d give up the rest of his body if that’s what it took to get Al back to normal.
“You’d better bring me more food, Winry.” Ed suddenly ordered, determined. “I’m going to need it if I’m going to get back on my feet.”
“You’ve got a long road ahead of you, Ed.” Winry answered, studying him.
“One year...” Ed whispered to himself. “Then, everything for Al.”
Fandom: Fullmetal Alchemist
Rating: PG
Warnings: None, really. A bit angsty. Not the best thing I've ever written...
Dedication: for numisma at fic_on_demand
Request: Unwell
A/N: June!Challenge Day Four
Ed stared at the plate in front of him. Winry had brought it in to him, on a tray. “Breakfast in bed?” He’d actually managed to make a quip, but he hadn’t found it funny. Judging from the way Winry had tensed, she hadn’t found it funny either.
“You need to eat everything on this tray, Ed.” She tried to hide her unease behind bossiness, a technique that had always worked… before. “You’ll need your strength.”
“For the surgery.” Ed made it a blunt statement and Winry finally turned to look at him, blue eyes meeting amber.
“For the surgery.” She repeated his statement, as it hadn’t been a question.
Sighing, Ed picked up his chopsticks gingerly with his left hand. Concentrating, he finally managed to get a grip on them. He stared at the food in front of him, his appetite fleeing in front of it.
His arm… his leg… Alphonese… It wasn’t worth it.
His thoughts were interrupted when Winry came over beside him. She took the chopsticks from him silently and handed him a fork. “Here.”
He took it wordlessly, his fingers too tight and white against the metal. Forcing himself to breath, he poked the fork into a carrot. Lifting it to his mouth, he was struck with how wrong it felt.
“It’ll pass,” Winry answered him softly and Ed realized he’d spoken out loud.
“Will the automail…” Ed stopped, purposely not looking at the bandages that covered his right shoulder.
“You’ll have full use of it, just like a hand and arm.” Winry was straightening up his room as she talked and Ed stared at the fork in his left hand.
Just like a hand… but I won’t feel it… no feeling…
Ed closed his eyes against a sudden flash of memory. Al screaming… a monster on the floor in front of him… Mom?
Maybe having no feeling was a good thing. He wished that he could have been more selective about the parts of him that wouldn’t feel anything. He’d have kept the use of his hand, but he’d have given up his… what,? Memories… heart…
Taking a shuddering breath, Ed thought about Al. Al had given up everything… very nearly his life. The loss of an arm and leg was more than worth it for Al. Determined, Ed took an unsteady bite, then another.
He’d do anything to save his brother. Anything. Even learn to be left handed.
The only thing that could hurt worse than a missing arm would be letting Al down. He’d already cost him everything. Ed felt his lips quirk up in a humorless grin. He’d given up his arm and leg. He’d give up the rest of his body if that’s what it took to get Al back to normal.
“You’d better bring me more food, Winry.” Ed suddenly ordered, determined. “I’m going to need it if I’m going to get back on my feet.”
“You’ve got a long road ahead of you, Ed.” Winry answered, studying him.
“One year...” Ed whispered to himself. “Then, everything for Al.”