Twisted truths
PREVIOUS
The police station was noisy, filled with cheerful conversation and congratulations.
They all gave Jared huge applause, all of them having grown fond of the young man, and then Jeff came out.
“Jared, finally, I should have guessed Sergeant Ackles would be the reason for your disappearing act.” Jeff sent a playfully stern glance at Jensen; then he turned back to Jared.
“Here’re all the documents, containing the deeds to the Padalecki house and the account details, which we strongly suggest you change. And some cash to get you started, courtesy of the federal government as compensation for your wrongful imprisonment. The rest will be issued by cheque. Your lawyer said to contact him if you have any further questions, but apart from that, you’re a free man.”
Jared nodded, his eyes empty, “Okay, thanks guys, I’ll be off now.”
Jeff glanced at Jensen, but Jensen had no clue what to say.
After Jared had said goodbye to everyone, he asked, “Can I use your phone to call a cab?”
Sending a bewildered glance towards Jeff, Jensen said, “What, don’t be stupid, we’ll give you a lift.”
Jared shook his head, “It’s easier if I just call a cab.”
Frowning, Jensen insisted, “At least let me give you a lift.”
Raising his eyes to meet Jensen’s, Jared agreed, “If that’s what you want.”
*
The drive was in silence, with Jensen throwing Jared worried glances every now and then.
There was a painful feeling in Jensen’s chest as though an icy hand was squeezing the life out of his heart.
He didn’t want this to be goodbye. He didn’t want to have to go through a single day without seeing Jared. And he hoped Jared didn’t either.
When he pulled up before the Padalecki house, Jared had turned white. Jensen realised with a jolt that this was where his sister had been murdered; this was where Jared had been beaten and abused. The house held all these memories, and Jared was going to live there alone.
Before he even realised what he was saying, he blurted out, “Come stay with me.”
Jared turned, “What?”
Thinking over the words and realising he meant them, he repeated, “Come stay with me?”
The hazel eyes blinked, “You want me to come and live with you?”
Biting his lip self-consciously, Jensen said, “Well… yeah, I mean. You don’t have to but, well… it would be nice, and you could sell this house and yeah….”
There was a long silence, and then Jared turned his eyes back to the house. In a quiet whisper, he replied, “I’d like that. I’d like that very much.”
*
“Damn it, Mike, it’s not like that!”
A completely unconvinced, “Uh huh,” came from the bald man.
“Mike,” Jensen growled.
“Okay, okay, if you say so,” still in a completely unconvinced tone.
“Tom. Tell him it’s not like that!”
“Mike, it’s not like that,” said Tom loyally as he took a seat beside them. Then he asked, “What’s not like that’?”
Mike filled him in. Tom turned his concerned gaze to Jensen, “Just… not that I’m saying anything, but just make sure it’s what he wants as well, not just that he feels he owes you something.”
A silence fell between them, Jensen getting paler by the second.
“Oh, God, you think that’s… that’s what’s happening?”
Tom hurriedly explained, “No, no, just… just be certain, is all I’m saying.”
They broke off their conversation when Jared emerged, his face alight, giving Jensen a fuzzy feeling in his chest. The young man was cradling a tiny puppy in his arms. The adorable thing was squirming, and struggling to lick her new master senseless.
Jared flopped down on the ground by their feet, and he looked up with such happiness shining out his eyes that Jensen couldn’t control the goofy, soppy grin spreading over his face.
“Look at her, isn’t she the cutest thing ever!”
He is.
“She’s pretty cute, I guess,” Jensen said, grasping the opportunity to slide down from the bench to sit, knees touching Jared’s, as he fawned over the little thing.
Though he pretended to be admiring the puppy, his eyes were actually just watching Jared. The glow on the man’s face showed an innocence and youthfulness that belied the horrendous things that Jared had been through. Jensen knew in that instant that he would do anything to protect the man. Even from himself.
*
A month flew by. Jared had moved in, along with the puppy - newly christened as Sadie - and Jensen was the happiest he had been in a while.
Jared had become more cheerful, and outgoing, and even his nightmares seemed to have stopped. In the beginning it had been bad. Jensen had sat outside Jared’s door listening to the other man’s whimpers and not knowing what to do, but finally it seemed as though Jared was getting better.
Jensen had made a promise to himself to not take advantage of Jared again. He didn’t want the man to do anything just because he felt he owed it to Jensen. He was still furious at himself for that day in the park, looking back he had realised that it had been a one-man show until Jensen had practically begged Jared to do something. Only then had Jared joined in and the thought made Jensen’s throat close up.
So, he had been good. He had avoided touching Jared in any inappropriate ways, even so far as snatching his hands back before they got too touchy.
Sadie was thriving as well, growing bigger with every passing day. Jared had started working in the local library, just for something to do, but he would start going to the fortunately nearby university in a few months to study architecture.
Life was good, and if Jensen’s eyes lingered for slightly longer than necessary on Jared’s chest when the man came out the shower, then who could blame him?
They had started having the guys over on Fridays for a barbeque, and Jensen loved how comfortable Jared had gotten with everybody.
*
Sadie’s damp nose woke him up, and he sat up quickly. “Hey girl, what’s the matter?”
The dog whined and Jensen swung his legs over the side of his bed, frowning. Sadie spent the nights in Jared’s room, and didn’t really bother Jensen unless Jared was out.
He padded silently through the dark corridor, pushing open Jared’s door. The dim light from a streetlamp lit up the room slightly, revealing an empty bed, the covers rumpled.
Swallowing down the quickly rising panic, Jensen called softly, “Jay?”
There was no reply, and Jensen began to make his way through all the rooms. After searching the first and second floors thoroughly, Jensen grabbed the phone to call the police on night duty.
He had just dialled the last number, when he thought of one other place: the roof.
Quickly and silently, he raced up to the small stairway leading out to the roof. When he got to the top, his stomach dropped at the sight before him.
Jared was sitting near the edge of the roof, his face streaked with tears. His body was tilted forward, arms crossed over his knees, the prevailing wind riffling through his hair. He hadn’t noticed Jensen yet, his gaze fixed far out toward the star-speckled sky. The glow from the streetlamp painted his skin.
Jensen watched as the silent tears poured down Jared’s face. He took a step forward, stepping on something, the sound making Jared spin around, guiltily wiping his damp face.
Sitting down beside him, Jensen asked, “Why didn’t you wake me?”
Jared rolled away from him, curling with his back to Jensen, “Sorry.”
Jensen grabbed his shoulder and rolled him back, looking down into shadowed eyes, he said, “No. No, Jared, you don’t have to apologise for being upset. Just tell me why you didn’t wake me.”
Jared pulled away from him, and shifting until he was sitting he said, “Just thought I’d make it easier for you.”
“Easier? What easier? Jay, I thought we were doing well. You’re better. You don’t even get nightmares anymore. I thought you were okay.”
Jared remained silent. Through his own blurry eyes, Jensen surveyed the other man. Then he saw what he had missed previously. What he had been so desperate to not notice. There was darkness beneath Jared’s eyes, rings that only came from long periods of no sleep. Jared’s eyes were clouded with sadness, and resignation. His shoulders were slumped wearily, and he was avoiding Jensen’s gaze.
With a sudden realisation, Jensen whispered, “You weren’t. You weren’t better. I just thought you were.”
Jared smiled sadly, “You wanted me to be better, so I tried to be.”
His stomach twisted.
“You seemed happier.”
“It made you happy when I was.”
“You smiled more.”
Jared smiled at Jensen. It was the smile he had used all month.
Jensen felt sick.
“I never noticed.”
“I didn’t want you to. I thought I could pretend. I just wanted to make you happy. To make you not send me away.”
Jensen choked, “I’d never send you away.”
Jared’s eyes were blank, “I disgust you. Obviously you’ll send me away.”
His eyes widened and he reached for Jared. Jared flinched away. Jensen shook his head, unnoticed tears splashing as he let his hand drop. “You don’t disgust me. You’ve never disgusted me.”
There was a bitter and harsh laugh, “Yeah, right, and that’s why every single time we brushed even slightly against one another, you’d flinch and leap away as if I’d burned you.”
Jensen stared, wondering how this had gotten so screwed up. “That was to protect you from me.”
“What?”
“If I’d allowed myself to touch you, I wouldn’t have been able to stop.”
“What are you talking about?”
Shaking his head at how bad he had made it between them, Jensen ran a hand through his hair.
Then he came to a decision. He just let go of all restraint and launched himself at the younger man, devouring the gasp of surprise and wrapping his arms around Jared.
Punctuating the words with kisses, he said, “If I had let myself touch you, I wouldn’t have been able to stop myself from doing this.”
He hungrily sucked at Jared’s bottom lip, before kissing the man long and furiously, putting all his fear and love into it. Jared was slack in his arms when he pulled back panting.
Feeling nauseous at the thought that Jared hadn’t responded, Jensen fell back on his heels, “And that’s why I didn’t trust myself to touch you. Because then I would have forced myself on you, like I just did.”
Jared stared at him, eyes wide in numb shock. His shaky hand rose to touch his lips, “You… you want me?”
Jensen let out a frustrated sigh, “Yeah, I fucking love you, and that’s why I’d rather have you here and not be able to touch you than not have you around at all.”
Jared’s hand shakily came to cup Jensen’s face, and Jensen couldn’t stop himself from leaning into it, his eyes slipping shut. “I’m sorry,” Jensen whispered.
All the answer he got was the feeling of soft, tentative lips pressing against his.
His eyes snapped open, and he pulled away, “Don’t. Don’t do that just because you think you have to, or that you owe me something. I just told you that I’d rather have to sit on my hands to stop myself from touching you than send you away. You don’t owe me a thing.”
The other man’s thumb just brushed over Jensen’s bottom lip, Jared stared at it, fascinated. “When you kissed me in the park, I was scared I’d screw up, scared that you were only doing it because you still felt guilty about sending me to prison, but I didn’t want you to stop.”
Jensen locked eyes with Jared, asking a silent question.
Keeping his gaze steady, Jared closed the distance between them and began softly kissing Jensen.
A moment of frozen shock, and then Jensen was letting out a growl, knocking them both over as he attacked Jared’s mouth hungrily.
Then he forced himself to stop, not wanting a repeat one-man show. Jared’s eyes locked with his, and Jared gently flipped them over, positioning himself between Jensen’s legs, and lying chest-to-chest on him. Jared took control, kissing a line along Jensen’s jaw, nipping at his earlobe, and then moving down his neck, biting and sucking where it met his shoulder.
Jensen was lost. He melted. Overwhelmed by the sensations shooting through him, heightened by the fact that it was Jared doing those things to him, his hands flailed around searching for purchase, before just scraping over Jared’s back, holding on for dear life as all logical thought was swept away.
Jared shifted, extracting a gasp from Jensen as their growing erections moved against each other. Jared’s lips stretched into a smile from where he was attacking Jensen’s collarbone, and his hand slid down over Jensen’s chest, slipping further and further south, before it came to the waistband of Jensen’s slacks.
Jensen was a writhing mush of melted goo by then, all he was able to do was moan Jared’s name over and over again, accompanied by a few, ‘God’s as well. Jared’s cruel hand just toyed with the material, slipping fingers just beneath the elastic, and the removing them again. Jensen bucked in frustration, needing more. Jared sucked the skin on the side of Jensen’s neck, and then he changed his hand’s direction, moving it up and under Jensen’s shirt.
Jensen’s stomach and chest muscles twitched beneath the fleeting caresses, his back arching, aching for more contact. Jared moved up to his mouth, swallowing his moans with open-mouthed kisses, while deft fingers played with Jensen’s nipples through the thin material of his shirt.
“Nrgh… God, Jared, please… Touch me. Need…. Touch me.”
Jared shut him up with a kiss, and reached down for the hem of Jensen’s shirt. He pulled it off, and then ran admiring fingers over his bare skin. Jensen, finally able to function, wanted his own turn, so he grasped at Jared’s shirt, tugging it off before stopping to appreciate the sleek, tanned and muscled view.
The faint scars made his fingers stop their motion momentarily, and he locked eyes with Jared, before gently kissing the marks and returning to devour Jared’s mouth.
The slide of bare skin over bare skin as their chests moved against each other made Jensen’s already aching erection strain even more. His hands shifted down Jared’s bare back, slipping beneath the top of Jared’s pants, drawing out a moan from Jared as the man pushed back against him.
Jared slid down the length of Jensen’s writhing body, coming to rest with his face hovering above Jensen’s tented pants.
His eyes nearly rolled into the back of his head as he realised what Jared was about to do, and his head thumped down, his back arching, and hips bucking.
Jared’s slightly trembling hands made Jensen stop the other man, “Wait, Jay. Jay, God. You don’t have to. We don’t have to do anything.”
Jared’s eyes smiled, quickly followed by his lips. “I want to.”
And then his slacks were being pulled down, exposing him to the cold wind, and making him shiver.
When Jared suddenly engulfed him, he let out a loud guttural cry, too far gone to even care if the neighbours could catch them.
Jared’s hands came to hold down his erratic hips, as the man tentatively licked and sucked Jensen’s length.
Just when Jensen was about to blow his load, Jared pulled back, making Jensen moan embarrassingly.
Jensen watched with wide eyes as Jared reached for his own slacks, pulling them down and off completely. Suddenly witness to such raw beauty, Jensen’s mouth worked soundlessly. The streetlamp coated Jared in a soft glow that seemed to have darkened his tan, the stars that formed a backdrop from where Jensen was lying, made the man look like an image sent from God.
Jensen was suddenly hit with a random quote he had heard somewhere, “The real sin against life is to abuse and destroy beauty, even more, one's own, for that has been put in our care and we are responsible for its well-being.”
He swore to himself in that moment that he would never let anyone hurt Jared ever again, especially not himself. He had tried this before, but that had just resulted in hurting Jared. This time he was going to make sure Jared was happy, rather than just doing what he thought was wanted.
He stood up and approached Jared, wrapping his arms around the man’s slim waist, and pulling him close.
“You’re beautiful, you know that?”
Jared’s cheeks flushed, making Jensen smile, “What, you don’t believe me?”
A small smile crept on Jared’s face, and he looked up shyly into Jensen’s eyes. The older man brought his hands up to cradle Jared’s face between them.
“What do you want?”
Jared’s eyes slid shut and he leaned into Jensen. He breathed, “Just you.”
His chest bursting into warmth, Jensen pressed a kiss on the young man’s nose, “Well, that’s no way to bargain, seeing as though you already have me. You could have asked for anything in the world at the moment and I would have made sure you got it.”
Jared’s eyes crinkled at the edges, and he asked jokingly, “Can I get another puppy?”
Jensen huffed out a laugh, pressing their lips together, and wrapping his arms around to the back of Jared’s neck.
When they broke apart for oxygen, Jared’s fingers wrapped around Jensen’s hand, pulling it towards his mouth, he sucked on Jensen’s fingers, slicking them up, his hazel eyes fixed on Jensen’s.
His eyes widened when he realised what Jared was doing, and what the implications were. “You…?”
Jared nodded, letting Jensen’s fingers slip out slickly.
Jensen brushed the fingers of his other hand over Jared’s cheek, marvelling at what Jared was giving him. Then he pressed a soft and tender kiss to the man’s jaw, “Okay.”
He took hold of Jared’s hand and said, “But maybe we should go inside, not that I think Ms. Webster would mind, but I don’t want to share you.”
He knew that sounded very possessive, and was relieved when Jared only blushed and murmured, “All yours.”
Jensen swung the young man up against his chest again, breath brushing his cheek, “For as long as you want to be.”
He wanted to let Jared know that he was in control, that Jared could tell him to stop at any moment, and he would. It would kill him, but he would.
He led Jared down the stairs. Sadie thumped her tail before going straight back to sleep. Jensen led the way to his bedroom, sending Jared a quick smile. He carefully laid Jared down upon the bed, smothering him with kisses, before going to rummage in the beside-drawer for the bottle of lube.
“Condom?” he asked.
Jared was bright red, but he said, “No, I’m clean. I got checked before the trial.”
Jensen realised what they were about to do, and his rock-hard cock - having received no relief from the blowjob - gave a jump.
“We don’t have to do this. You don’t have to… I mean, I could…”
With a smile, Jared said, “No, I want you to have me first. I want you to erase all… the others.”
Jensen felt anger flash through him at the thought of those others, and he crawled up the bed to kneel between Jared’s legs, covering the man’s body with his own and kissing him deeply.
Then he began moving down Jared’s jaw, and neck, soft peppered kisses, down his muscled chest and abdomen.
He leisurely lubed up his fingers, rearranged Jared’s legs so he was more comfortable and softly circled Jared’s entrance. Jared was tense, so Jensen finally had an excuse to taste the beautiful man, lowering his mouth to take in Jared’s cock.
Jared bucked up, and Jensen peered up at the ridiculously sexy sight before taking in more. While Jared was moaning Jensen’s name, Jensen slipped a finger up into Jared’s warmth, pausing before starting to move it around, stretching the precious man open.
When the second finger entered him, Jared tensed up, only relaxing when Jensen began humming around his cock, his hands fisting the bedcovers tightly.
Finally Jensen thought Jared was ready. He slid up Jared’s long torso, skin sliding over skin, and it was just so good.
“You okay?”
Jared sucked Jensen’s bottom lip, “Yeah, get a move on old man.”
Grinning, Jensen pecked the younger man on the chin, “I’ll show you, ‘old man’.”
Being extremely gentle, he folded Jared’s legs up, so that it was as painless as possible, then, excruciatingly slowly, he began to press in.
He slid all the way in steadily and then paused while they caught their breath. He kissed Jared until the man responded by rolling his hips, extracting a moan from Jensen.
“Oh, God, Jay… so good, so good… nnggrh got to move, baby, please, got to move.”
Jared’s hands stroked along his bare back, coming to rest over his ass, pulling Jensen down further into him. Jensen let out a cry, and began sliding slowly. He quickly lost all control, but Jared was meeting his every thrust. He began pounding into the gorgeous body stretched out and opened beneath him.
He dragged his mouth along Jared’s exposed neck, tasting the delicious saltiness on his skin.
“Jen, feel so full… Never want you to leave. Make me yours, Jen.”
Jensen’s thrusts became stronger, deeper, hitting the spot that sent sensations through the other man, making him moan uncontrollably.
Sucking at the already forming hickey on Jared’s neck, Jensen growled, “You’re mine. Mine. No one else gets to touch you… Only me… Only me…”
Jared wrapped his legs around Jensen’s hips, sheathing him fully inside, holding him in, keeping him from moving. Jared whispered in his ear, “No one else, only you. Want you in me like this… want to feel you fill me up like this always. Want you in me. I want people to know you own me. I want them to see who I belong to.”
“Oh, God, Jay,” Jensen said, the words pushing him over the edge. With two more thrusts into Jared, he was coming furiously, harder than he ever had before. Jared tightened around him, as he too came with a shout, Jensen continued pounding into Jared, until every last drop was deposited into the body beneath him. Then he sagged forwards, burying his face into the side of Jared’s neck.
When he could move again, he lifted his head slightly, “God, Jay, I love you so much.”
Jared smiled sleepily down at him, “Ditto, now I want to sleep.”
Jensen chuckled at learning that his lover was sleepy post-coital, “Humph, fine, fine, I guess I’ll have to do all the work.”
He slid reluctantly out of Jared, and after stealing a few more kisses and receiving a “Go away, I’m sleepy,” he wandered into the bathroom, grabbing a cloth and returning to wipe them clean.
Then he slid in beside Jared, and threw the blanket over them, before reaching out and tugging Jared toward him. Jared grumbled, but proceeded to curl up around Jensen’s chest, snuggling closer, his eyes closed.
Jensen tightened an arm around Jared’s shoulders, and pressed his nose into Jared’s hair. In an incredibly gentle motion, Jared pressed his lips softly to Jensen’s chest, planting a light kiss there, before relaxing and cuddling back down again.
Jensen smiled up at the ceiling, loving the man even more with every passing second. Then he asked, “Jay?”
A sleepy, “Hmmm?” came from his chest snuggler.
“Don’t lie to me, please. If you’re not happy or if something’s bothering you, please tell me, I don’t want you to pretend you’re fine if you’re not. I don’t care how long it takes for you to get better, so you don’t need to try to rush it. I’m here and I want you here with me. But I want it to be the real you.”
There was a silence, and then Jared asked, “Are you always this noisy after sex?”
Jensen didn’t say anything.
Jared’s hand curled over Jensen’s heart, tracing patterns on his bare skin. After another silence, Jared added, “I promise... Now can we please go to sleep?”
Jensen smiled, he pressed a kiss into Jared’s hair, “Yeah,” he breathed.
He was just drifting off when he heard a sleepy, “I do love you, you know.”
*
The next day, when Jared got home from the library there was a present waiting for him. He offered a confused smile to Jensen and then took the lid off the large box. A furry nose stuck out, sniffing curiously at its new owners.
Jensen smiled at the surprised, excited glow on the other man’s face. Jared looked up at him.
“I did promise, didn’t I? ‘Anything in the world’ I said.”
His oxygen supply was suddenly cut off, his mouth being hungrily consumed by Jared, who wrapped his arms around his waist. He smiled into the kiss, “I guess you like him then, huh?”
Jared’s response was to pull their bodies flush against one another and to lower Jensen to the floor as they kissed frantically.
There was a whining, and they broke apart to see the little puppy trying to jump out of the box to play with the nearby, also whining, Sadie. Jensen grinned, “The kids are calling.”
The smile that spread over Jared’s face was blinding, and Jensen pulled him into another kiss, whispering in his ear, “We’ll be okay,” before he let the man go.
***