Maybe This is Our Love Story [2/2] - Lost - Charlie/Sawyer
Title: Maybe This is Our Love Story [2/2]
Pairing: Charlie/Sawyer (Jack/Kate, one-sided Kate/Sawyer)
Word Count: 5900 overall
Rating: R
A/N: Written for lostpicksix's "Chance encounter" prompt, this is set in a future that pretends Through The Looking Glass never happened. Part one is here.
Summary: It starts in a coffee shop, or maybe it doesn't. Maybe it started long before either of them realised it.
Sawyer only allowed him to have a few precious moments to catch his breath when they lay in bed afterwards. His hands moved over Charlie's bare shoulders, mapping his skin during every spare second they had together, but Charlie could tell from the thoughtful silence that he definitely had something else on his mind.
"What d'you want?" he mumbled without raising his head. Drained and nearly overcome by the urge to sink into a peaceful sleep.
Sawyer laughed at him - it sounded as if he still possessed far too much energy considering that he'd already spent a couple of hours travelling here tonight. He should have been more wiped out than Charlie was, but instead it seemed like he was still sparkling. "Just thinking," he said. "That's all."
"Thinking…" Charlie mused, eyes closed. "Not sure if I like the sound of that."
"Nothing bad," Sawyer said. "Just working out what I'm gonna do with you tomorrow."
"Mm?"
"We've got our date, remember?" Sawyer laughed - light and breezy - against the back of Charlie's neck. Charlie groaned, a slow rumble, as he fought with the equally tempting options of allowing himself to lapse into sleep or to force himself to stay awake so that Sawyer didn't wind up with any ridiculous ideas by the morning. "Gonna make sure we do something special."
"Oh, fuck," Charlie muttered - and he yelped, eyes flashing open for a second, when Sawyer pinched his side. "Nothing crazy, alright? Nothing too crazy."
Sawyer laughed again - not an altogether encouraging sound - and pressed his lips to Charlie's shoulder. "Sky-diving's out of the question, then?"
"If you think you're gonna get me to willing jump out of an aeroplane then…" Charlie trailed off to mumble his complaints: distinct words were simply too difficult, he decided.
Didn't really matter too much anyway. "Alright, alright. I'll pick something good. Just go to sleep now, okay? You're starting to go non-verbal."
"'night."
"Goodnight, rock star."
He fell asleep with Sawyer's breath against the back of his neck, Sawyer's arm around his waist and Sawyer's heat surrounding him, wondering if this was what 'normal' couples did.
*
They lasted for three weeks of giddy happiness before he awoke to find Sawyer fuming. Charlie rubbed at tired eyes with a sluggish hand and pondered the odds of successfully managing to fall back to asleep: perhaps Sawyer would have calmed from his silent rage by the time his eyes opened again.
Too late. His movement had already alerted Sawyer to his waking state and those angry, eagle eyes were fixed on him immediately. Charlie flopped unwillingly onto his front. "'s everything okay?" he asked. He cleared his throat to try and shake the sleep from his words.
"You're going," Sawyer said. "Just saw your calendar."
"Going? What? Where?"
"To the damn wedding." Sawyer moved restlessly back and forth. He was already clothed, leaving Charlie to feel remarkably underdressed. "To their damn wedding."
Oh. That. "Yeah. I… I said I would way before we… Before this whole thing started. They're my friends, Sawyer. They saved my life."
Sawyer looked as if he was fighting the filth on his tongue. With a stormy head, Charlie sat up in bed, the sheets gathered by his waist.
"I'm sorry," he said, "but I can't exactly pull out now, can I?"
"You wouldn't even want to, Charlie," Sawyer snarled. "If I made you pick…" He laughed mirthlessly and shook his head. "Jack wins. Always does, doesn’t he? The good doctor…"
"This isn't a competition," Charlie snapped. "Two of my closest friends are getting married. Did you really think I was going to sit at home like it wasn't happening?"
"Yeah. A little loyalty would've been nice."
"That's not 'loyalty'. Just stupidity."
"Well, you'd know all about that, wouldn't you? Shouldn't have expected anything different. Your track record for stupid acts is getting kinda long, kid."
"Screw you," Charlie muttered, lying down again. He rolled over, back facing Sawyer. "I'm going. That's final."
"Fine by me," Sawyer muttered - and his footsteps took him away. Doors slammed then silence fell. Charlie stayed lying down. He breathed cautiously, allowing long stretches of time to pass as he made sure to hold himself together. Sawyer would come back eventually.
Of course he would.
*
"So, um, Charlie?" Hurley said hesitantly over the phone. "Is it true?"
"Is what true?"
"I heard you kinda dumped Sawyer. That's… That's not cool, dude. Really not cool."
"Didn't quite happen like that."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah. He stormed out on me; hasn't been back since. That was weeks ago. And how do you even know about us anyway?"
"Umm. Sawyer sorta… told me?"
"He did?"
"Yeah. He was wondering a while back where he should've taken you on a date."
"Oh..."
"What?"
"Nothing. Nothing. Look, mate, I've got to go. I'll call you back later, yeah?"
"Yeah. See you at the wedding, man!"
"See you. Bye."
"Bye."
*
Time passed and he was fine. He was always fine. He wrote music, he talked to Aaron on the phone, he bought his suit for the wedding, he got by. Day by day.
Sawyer never answered when he called.
And eventually he stopped trying altogether.
*
"Charlie!" Kate was even more beautiful than he remembered, smiling at him as he streamed out of the airport terminal, through the crowds. The flashing of cameras was blinding: they never followed him around like that. Just the impossible golden couple. He let her crash into him and held onto her tightly for long moments.
"Charlie," she said warmly when she slipped back, her hands still on his arms. She looked radiant: he'd never seen her smile so much, so brightly. "It's been a while."
"You look great."
"You look… tired?" She laughed and shook her head. "My car's just over there."
"Thank god," Charlie said. "I don't think I could put up with those cameras for much longer."
"I wish I could say 'you get used to it'," Kate murmured. Together, heads lowered, they made their way through jostles and jeers. It had been a long time since Charlie had felt this kind of attention, this kind of scrutiny. The wedding, the gathering, it must have reawakened the interest of the press.
The car was sleek, black and mercifully air-conditioned. Charlie sank into the passenger seat, chucking his bag into the back while Kate leapt behind the wheel. He pulled the belt across his waist and fastened it securely.
"So are any of the others here yet?" he asked as they waited and queued to escape the car park.
"Jin, Sun and their girls turned up yesterday - so did Bernard," Kate said. "Most people are flying in today, though."
"Thank for picking me up. You must be really busy. Don't you have to get your… I dunno. Your hair prodded or something?"
"It's just a small wedding," Kate said determinedly. "Small. Me and Jack had both done the whole big thing before. It's not really our style."
"No big white wedding?" Charlie tsked. "I'm thoroughly disappointed. I was rather looking forward to getting bladdered and dancing with Jack's Mum."
"Good luck to you on that one." Kate tried to hide a stretching smile. "I think Margo eats guys like you for breakfast."
"All the more reason to see her again. I'm sure I'll make a very delicate morsel."
Kate snorted and sneaked a careful glance at him from the corner of her eyes. The amusement faded slowly. "I'm glad you're okay, Charlie," she said - and Charlie felt his heart sink. It was beginning to seem like there wasn't anyone left who didn’t know. "How- how is he?"
"You're asking the wrong person, Kate. I haven't seen him in ages." He leaned back in his seat and sank down slowly. This wasn't the way he'd wanted to start this trip at all. He sighed. "You hurt him pretty bad, Kate, but he's fine. He's getting over it."
Kate nodded slowly. "I never meant for him to get hurt," she said. He believed her. "I really didn't."
"I know, Kate." He sighed. "The gap between what you meant to happen and what actually happened… It's pretty wide."
Kate didn't look at him, eyes on the road instead. He glanced at her - her tightened jaw, her clenched hands on the wheel. Such a contrast to her sunny smile when he'd first arrived.
"Sorry," he said. "You love Jack, right?"
"Of course I do, Charlie."
"Well that's all that matters." He offered her a rakish smile. "We want you to be happy. Doesn't really matter who it is you're with as long as they're the right person."
Kate nodded. "Thank you," she said quietly.
The building tension started to leak gradually from the car. Charlie could have cheered with relief as the conversation slipped to slightly saner topics. Gossiping with Kate about Sawyer had never been high on his 'to do' list. Talking about Sawyer at all wasn't something that he was planning on doing over the next few days.
The others, it seemed, had different plans.
"He's okay, y'know," Hurley told him at lunch time. "I mean, he's kind of messed in the head over everything with Kate and then everything with you, but, uh…"
"'Everything with me'? Hurley, you're kidding me. Right? I was just the rebound guy. That's it."
"Um. Really? 'cause that's kind of not the impression I got. Like, at all."
"What?"
"Dude, it's Sawyer. He's not gonna, like, write you love poetry or anything." Hurley smiled sadly, his face framed with his ever-expanding mass of curls. "But it seemed sort of… genuine whenever he talked about you."
Charlie didn't know whether or not to smile. "He talked about me?"
"Yeah," Hurley admittedly reluctantly, like he was spilling a secret he shouldn't have been. "Whenever he visited. He ranted mostly, but… It was a nice kind of ranting. Affectionate, I mean."
"Oh…" Charlie looked dejectedly at his glass of orange juice. "Bugger."
His talk with Jack was only slightly less discouraging. "Kate says you're dating Sawyer now, Charlie," Jack said, breaching the subject as awkwardly as a parent telling their teenager about contraception.
Charlie watched him warily from where he was sitting in the kitchen. It was dark outside and had been for hours. "Shouldn't you be sleeping right now?" he suggested in a hopeless attempt to distract him. He couldn't just let Jack's question drift by, though. "And, no, we're not."
Jack watched him for a few moments with an all too keen awareness in his eyes. "Okay," he said, smiling with a lack of amusement. "Just be careful. Sawyer isn't… Don't trust him unless you have to. Sawyer-"
"Sawyer's an okay guy, Jack," Charlie mumbled. "He's rough around the edges, that's all."
Jack nodded slowly. "As long as you know what you're doing," he said. Charlie felt like laughing; he'd gone through most of his life without ever knowing what he was doing.
"Let's worry about you not me, mate. Getting married tomorrow: you should be getting your beauty sleep."
The mention of the wedding was enough to get Jack to smile sheepishly - the prickly subject of Sawyer drifted away to sulk as a dark shadow in the corner of the room. Charlie allowed himself to relax as much as he could, looking forward to the madness of the coming day.
*
By the time he returned to Manchester he felt ready to hide in bed for several weeks just to catch up with all the sleep he'd missed. It took a world of effort to carry his bags up his apartment block's stairs to the third floor. Even raising his key to the lock felt like an Olympic event. When he shuffled inside, the lights were all on - he groaned at the thought of his electricity bill - and the place was the exact same mess he'd left it in. He dropped his bag onto the ground and kicked the door shut.
He'd gravitated into the kitchen to turn the kettle on before Sawyer's voice interrupted him. "How'd it go?"
Charlie remembered that he'd never got his key back from Sawyer once he'd got over the shock of having anyone in his supposedly empty apartment. He looked back to where Sawyer stood in the doorway of his bedroom, hands hung in his pockets. He scanned his face for any sign of the emotion that Hurley had hinted towards - but, as always, Sawyer was nothing but a blank, smirking book.
"What're you doing here, Sawyer?" he sighed. "I'm too tired for this."
"Just came to see you. Do I always gotta have a reason?"
"You stormed out on me last time you were here. Forgive me for thinking that maybe you wouldn't be returning in a hurry."
"Weren't exactly in a 'hurry', was I? Had to get my thoughts together."
"You have thoughts?" Charlie turned away and grabbed the kettle, bringing it over to the sink. He didn't look at Sawyer: he didn't know how to deal with the strange situation between them. It was easier not to try.
"You always gotta make this so difficult, don't you?" Sawyer groaned. "I'm here. What more d'you want from me?"
"I don't know," Charlie snapped. The cold water splashed and buzzed over his hands and he poured it too hard from the tap. "I don't-God, I don't know. You just confuse me."
"Yeah?" Sawyer moved closer, though Charlie wished he would keep his distance. "Well, I'm trying not to. What d'you want? What's so damn confusing?"
"You. Everything about you. Everything in general." Charlie bristled in frustration. He put the kettle back on the bench and turned it on. He didn't turn around. "Are you just here 'cause Kate's married now?"
Sawyer's sigh was almost a growl. "No," he said. "Hurley said I oughta come back, try talking. Said he thought you might listen. Damn it, Charlie. D'things always have to be so complicated with you?"
"They don’t have to be. With you they just usually are." He wished he could make himself turn around and face him. "I don't know what you want from me, mate. Not any more."
"What's that mean?"
"Means… Means I used to know. I used to know it was just a rebound thing, that we were… that you were just here 'cause you couldn't be with Kate."
"It's not like that," Sawyer said. "Hasn't been for a long while."
"Then what is it like?" Charlie snapped. "What the hell are you doing here?"
Sawyer sat down at the kitchen table, pulling out a chair that dragged awkwardly along the floor. Charlie closed his eyes and breathed through his nose. He just wanted to sleep. There was that constant twitching urge in the back of his mind to gall back into his past: one hit would make all of this fall away, wouldn't it?
For a while, anyway.
"Charlie," Sawyer said. His voice grumbled like a hypnotising lullaby. "You gonna come over here? Gonna look at me, even?"
Charlie pressed his lips together hard for a moment or two. He didn't turn around, not yet. The kettle was nearly finished boiling. "I'm going back over there to visit them when they get back from honeymooning," he said. He'd be visiting Claire and little Aaron soon as well, but that seemed like it'd be less of an issue. "Are you gonna kick up a fuss about that too?"
"I'm not likely to be too happy about it," Sawyer admitted. "I'll try to keep the 'fuss' contained." He sighed and shifted impatiently. "C'mon, Charlie. I'm here, aren't I? Don't I get points for that? I wanna try this."
Charlie made himself turn around now. Sawyer was leaning forward in his seat, arms resting on his legs. "I don't even know what 'this' is," Charlie complained when he took a shuffling few steps forward.
Sawyer reached for him, hands on Charlie's hips as he guided him closer. His hands were too warm, too large, and fitted way too well there. "It's gonna be whatever we want it to be," he said.
Charlie leaned down and kissed him, though he knew he shouldn't have. Sawyer was too… much. Too many issues there, too many shadows in their past, too many confusing complications and too many tempers waiting to flare - but Sawyer's lips were soft and his mouth was welcoming. Sawyer's hands guided him closer again, right into his lap.
Their lips broke apart and Charlie sighed in disbelief. "I am so screwed," Charlie muttered.
Sawyer chuckled and stroked his hand down Charlie's back. "In the best possible way, kid," he promised, a rumbling vow. "The best possible way."
Pairing: Charlie/Sawyer (Jack/Kate, one-sided Kate/Sawyer)
Word Count: 5900 overall
Rating: R
A/N: Written for lostpicksix's "Chance encounter" prompt, this is set in a future that pretends Through The Looking Glass never happened. Part one is here.
Summary: It starts in a coffee shop, or maybe it doesn't. Maybe it started long before either of them realised it.
Sawyer only allowed him to have a few precious moments to catch his breath when they lay in bed afterwards. His hands moved over Charlie's bare shoulders, mapping his skin during every spare second they had together, but Charlie could tell from the thoughtful silence that he definitely had something else on his mind.
"What d'you want?" he mumbled without raising his head. Drained and nearly overcome by the urge to sink into a peaceful sleep.
Sawyer laughed at him - it sounded as if he still possessed far too much energy considering that he'd already spent a couple of hours travelling here tonight. He should have been more wiped out than Charlie was, but instead it seemed like he was still sparkling. "Just thinking," he said. "That's all."
"Thinking…" Charlie mused, eyes closed. "Not sure if I like the sound of that."
"Nothing bad," Sawyer said. "Just working out what I'm gonna do with you tomorrow."
"Mm?"
"We've got our date, remember?" Sawyer laughed - light and breezy - against the back of Charlie's neck. Charlie groaned, a slow rumble, as he fought with the equally tempting options of allowing himself to lapse into sleep or to force himself to stay awake so that Sawyer didn't wind up with any ridiculous ideas by the morning. "Gonna make sure we do something special."
"Oh, fuck," Charlie muttered - and he yelped, eyes flashing open for a second, when Sawyer pinched his side. "Nothing crazy, alright? Nothing too crazy."
Sawyer laughed again - not an altogether encouraging sound - and pressed his lips to Charlie's shoulder. "Sky-diving's out of the question, then?"
"If you think you're gonna get me to willing jump out of an aeroplane then…" Charlie trailed off to mumble his complaints: distinct words were simply too difficult, he decided.
Didn't really matter too much anyway. "Alright, alright. I'll pick something good. Just go to sleep now, okay? You're starting to go non-verbal."
"'night."
"Goodnight, rock star."
He fell asleep with Sawyer's breath against the back of his neck, Sawyer's arm around his waist and Sawyer's heat surrounding him, wondering if this was what 'normal' couples did.
*
They lasted for three weeks of giddy happiness before he awoke to find Sawyer fuming. Charlie rubbed at tired eyes with a sluggish hand and pondered the odds of successfully managing to fall back to asleep: perhaps Sawyer would have calmed from his silent rage by the time his eyes opened again.
Too late. His movement had already alerted Sawyer to his waking state and those angry, eagle eyes were fixed on him immediately. Charlie flopped unwillingly onto his front. "'s everything okay?" he asked. He cleared his throat to try and shake the sleep from his words.
"You're going," Sawyer said. "Just saw your calendar."
"Going? What? Where?"
"To the damn wedding." Sawyer moved restlessly back and forth. He was already clothed, leaving Charlie to feel remarkably underdressed. "To their damn wedding."
Oh. That. "Yeah. I… I said I would way before we… Before this whole thing started. They're my friends, Sawyer. They saved my life."
Sawyer looked as if he was fighting the filth on his tongue. With a stormy head, Charlie sat up in bed, the sheets gathered by his waist.
"I'm sorry," he said, "but I can't exactly pull out now, can I?"
"You wouldn't even want to, Charlie," Sawyer snarled. "If I made you pick…" He laughed mirthlessly and shook his head. "Jack wins. Always does, doesn’t he? The good doctor…"
"This isn't a competition," Charlie snapped. "Two of my closest friends are getting married. Did you really think I was going to sit at home like it wasn't happening?"
"Yeah. A little loyalty would've been nice."
"That's not 'loyalty'. Just stupidity."
"Well, you'd know all about that, wouldn't you? Shouldn't have expected anything different. Your track record for stupid acts is getting kinda long, kid."
"Screw you," Charlie muttered, lying down again. He rolled over, back facing Sawyer. "I'm going. That's final."
"Fine by me," Sawyer muttered - and his footsteps took him away. Doors slammed then silence fell. Charlie stayed lying down. He breathed cautiously, allowing long stretches of time to pass as he made sure to hold himself together. Sawyer would come back eventually.
Of course he would.
*
"So, um, Charlie?" Hurley said hesitantly over the phone. "Is it true?"
"Is what true?"
"I heard you kinda dumped Sawyer. That's… That's not cool, dude. Really not cool."
"Didn't quite happen like that."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah. He stormed out on me; hasn't been back since. That was weeks ago. And how do you even know about us anyway?"
"Umm. Sawyer sorta… told me?"
"He did?"
"Yeah. He was wondering a while back where he should've taken you on a date."
"Oh..."
"What?"
"Nothing. Nothing. Look, mate, I've got to go. I'll call you back later, yeah?"
"Yeah. See you at the wedding, man!"
"See you. Bye."
"Bye."
*
Time passed and he was fine. He was always fine. He wrote music, he talked to Aaron on the phone, he bought his suit for the wedding, he got by. Day by day.
Sawyer never answered when he called.
And eventually he stopped trying altogether.
*
"Charlie!" Kate was even more beautiful than he remembered, smiling at him as he streamed out of the airport terminal, through the crowds. The flashing of cameras was blinding: they never followed him around like that. Just the impossible golden couple. He let her crash into him and held onto her tightly for long moments.
"Charlie," she said warmly when she slipped back, her hands still on his arms. She looked radiant: he'd never seen her smile so much, so brightly. "It's been a while."
"You look great."
"You look… tired?" She laughed and shook her head. "My car's just over there."
"Thank god," Charlie said. "I don't think I could put up with those cameras for much longer."
"I wish I could say 'you get used to it'," Kate murmured. Together, heads lowered, they made their way through jostles and jeers. It had been a long time since Charlie had felt this kind of attention, this kind of scrutiny. The wedding, the gathering, it must have reawakened the interest of the press.
The car was sleek, black and mercifully air-conditioned. Charlie sank into the passenger seat, chucking his bag into the back while Kate leapt behind the wheel. He pulled the belt across his waist and fastened it securely.
"So are any of the others here yet?" he asked as they waited and queued to escape the car park.
"Jin, Sun and their girls turned up yesterday - so did Bernard," Kate said. "Most people are flying in today, though."
"Thank for picking me up. You must be really busy. Don't you have to get your… I dunno. Your hair prodded or something?"
"It's just a small wedding," Kate said determinedly. "Small. Me and Jack had both done the whole big thing before. It's not really our style."
"No big white wedding?" Charlie tsked. "I'm thoroughly disappointed. I was rather looking forward to getting bladdered and dancing with Jack's Mum."
"Good luck to you on that one." Kate tried to hide a stretching smile. "I think Margo eats guys like you for breakfast."
"All the more reason to see her again. I'm sure I'll make a very delicate morsel."
Kate snorted and sneaked a careful glance at him from the corner of her eyes. The amusement faded slowly. "I'm glad you're okay, Charlie," she said - and Charlie felt his heart sink. It was beginning to seem like there wasn't anyone left who didn’t know. "How- how is he?"
"You're asking the wrong person, Kate. I haven't seen him in ages." He leaned back in his seat and sank down slowly. This wasn't the way he'd wanted to start this trip at all. He sighed. "You hurt him pretty bad, Kate, but he's fine. He's getting over it."
Kate nodded slowly. "I never meant for him to get hurt," she said. He believed her. "I really didn't."
"I know, Kate." He sighed. "The gap between what you meant to happen and what actually happened… It's pretty wide."
Kate didn't look at him, eyes on the road instead. He glanced at her - her tightened jaw, her clenched hands on the wheel. Such a contrast to her sunny smile when he'd first arrived.
"Sorry," he said. "You love Jack, right?"
"Of course I do, Charlie."
"Well that's all that matters." He offered her a rakish smile. "We want you to be happy. Doesn't really matter who it is you're with as long as they're the right person."
Kate nodded. "Thank you," she said quietly.
The building tension started to leak gradually from the car. Charlie could have cheered with relief as the conversation slipped to slightly saner topics. Gossiping with Kate about Sawyer had never been high on his 'to do' list. Talking about Sawyer at all wasn't something that he was planning on doing over the next few days.
The others, it seemed, had different plans.
"He's okay, y'know," Hurley told him at lunch time. "I mean, he's kind of messed in the head over everything with Kate and then everything with you, but, uh…"
"'Everything with me'? Hurley, you're kidding me. Right? I was just the rebound guy. That's it."
"Um. Really? 'cause that's kind of not the impression I got. Like, at all."
"What?"
"Dude, it's Sawyer. He's not gonna, like, write you love poetry or anything." Hurley smiled sadly, his face framed with his ever-expanding mass of curls. "But it seemed sort of… genuine whenever he talked about you."
Charlie didn't know whether or not to smile. "He talked about me?"
"Yeah," Hurley admittedly reluctantly, like he was spilling a secret he shouldn't have been. "Whenever he visited. He ranted mostly, but… It was a nice kind of ranting. Affectionate, I mean."
"Oh…" Charlie looked dejectedly at his glass of orange juice. "Bugger."
His talk with Jack was only slightly less discouraging. "Kate says you're dating Sawyer now, Charlie," Jack said, breaching the subject as awkwardly as a parent telling their teenager about contraception.
Charlie watched him warily from where he was sitting in the kitchen. It was dark outside and had been for hours. "Shouldn't you be sleeping right now?" he suggested in a hopeless attempt to distract him. He couldn't just let Jack's question drift by, though. "And, no, we're not."
Jack watched him for a few moments with an all too keen awareness in his eyes. "Okay," he said, smiling with a lack of amusement. "Just be careful. Sawyer isn't… Don't trust him unless you have to. Sawyer-"
"Sawyer's an okay guy, Jack," Charlie mumbled. "He's rough around the edges, that's all."
Jack nodded slowly. "As long as you know what you're doing," he said. Charlie felt like laughing; he'd gone through most of his life without ever knowing what he was doing.
"Let's worry about you not me, mate. Getting married tomorrow: you should be getting your beauty sleep."
The mention of the wedding was enough to get Jack to smile sheepishly - the prickly subject of Sawyer drifted away to sulk as a dark shadow in the corner of the room. Charlie allowed himself to relax as much as he could, looking forward to the madness of the coming day.
*
By the time he returned to Manchester he felt ready to hide in bed for several weeks just to catch up with all the sleep he'd missed. It took a world of effort to carry his bags up his apartment block's stairs to the third floor. Even raising his key to the lock felt like an Olympic event. When he shuffled inside, the lights were all on - he groaned at the thought of his electricity bill - and the place was the exact same mess he'd left it in. He dropped his bag onto the ground and kicked the door shut.
He'd gravitated into the kitchen to turn the kettle on before Sawyer's voice interrupted him. "How'd it go?"
Charlie remembered that he'd never got his key back from Sawyer once he'd got over the shock of having anyone in his supposedly empty apartment. He looked back to where Sawyer stood in the doorway of his bedroom, hands hung in his pockets. He scanned his face for any sign of the emotion that Hurley had hinted towards - but, as always, Sawyer was nothing but a blank, smirking book.
"What're you doing here, Sawyer?" he sighed. "I'm too tired for this."
"Just came to see you. Do I always gotta have a reason?"
"You stormed out on me last time you were here. Forgive me for thinking that maybe you wouldn't be returning in a hurry."
"Weren't exactly in a 'hurry', was I? Had to get my thoughts together."
"You have thoughts?" Charlie turned away and grabbed the kettle, bringing it over to the sink. He didn't look at Sawyer: he didn't know how to deal with the strange situation between them. It was easier not to try.
"You always gotta make this so difficult, don't you?" Sawyer groaned. "I'm here. What more d'you want from me?"
"I don't know," Charlie snapped. The cold water splashed and buzzed over his hands and he poured it too hard from the tap. "I don't-God, I don't know. You just confuse me."
"Yeah?" Sawyer moved closer, though Charlie wished he would keep his distance. "Well, I'm trying not to. What d'you want? What's so damn confusing?"
"You. Everything about you. Everything in general." Charlie bristled in frustration. He put the kettle back on the bench and turned it on. He didn't turn around. "Are you just here 'cause Kate's married now?"
Sawyer's sigh was almost a growl. "No," he said. "Hurley said I oughta come back, try talking. Said he thought you might listen. Damn it, Charlie. D'things always have to be so complicated with you?"
"They don’t have to be. With you they just usually are." He wished he could make himself turn around and face him. "I don't know what you want from me, mate. Not any more."
"What's that mean?"
"Means… Means I used to know. I used to know it was just a rebound thing, that we were… that you were just here 'cause you couldn't be with Kate."
"It's not like that," Sawyer said. "Hasn't been for a long while."
"Then what is it like?" Charlie snapped. "What the hell are you doing here?"
Sawyer sat down at the kitchen table, pulling out a chair that dragged awkwardly along the floor. Charlie closed his eyes and breathed through his nose. He just wanted to sleep. There was that constant twitching urge in the back of his mind to gall back into his past: one hit would make all of this fall away, wouldn't it?
For a while, anyway.
"Charlie," Sawyer said. His voice grumbled like a hypnotising lullaby. "You gonna come over here? Gonna look at me, even?"
Charlie pressed his lips together hard for a moment or two. He didn't turn around, not yet. The kettle was nearly finished boiling. "I'm going back over there to visit them when they get back from honeymooning," he said. He'd be visiting Claire and little Aaron soon as well, but that seemed like it'd be less of an issue. "Are you gonna kick up a fuss about that too?"
"I'm not likely to be too happy about it," Sawyer admitted. "I'll try to keep the 'fuss' contained." He sighed and shifted impatiently. "C'mon, Charlie. I'm here, aren't I? Don't I get points for that? I wanna try this."
Charlie made himself turn around now. Sawyer was leaning forward in his seat, arms resting on his legs. "I don't even know what 'this' is," Charlie complained when he took a shuffling few steps forward.
Sawyer reached for him, hands on Charlie's hips as he guided him closer. His hands were too warm, too large, and fitted way too well there. "It's gonna be whatever we want it to be," he said.
Charlie leaned down and kissed him, though he knew he shouldn't have. Sawyer was too… much. Too many issues there, too many shadows in their past, too many confusing complications and too many tempers waiting to flare - but Sawyer's lips were soft and his mouth was welcoming. Sawyer's hands guided him closer again, right into his lap.
Their lips broke apart and Charlie sighed in disbelief. "I am so screwed," Charlie muttered.
Sawyer chuckled and stroked his hand down Charlie's back. "In the best possible way, kid," he promised, a rumbling vow. "The best possible way."