Herding Cats - Glee - Sue/Will
Title: Herding Cats
Pairing: Sue/Will
Word Count: 816
Rating: R
A/N: Written for somniesperus for the Five Acts Meme.
Summary: Someone has been sabotaging Will's dates. He soon discovers the culprit.
Another date, another dumping.
It's the fourth time in just over two months that Will has had a woman leave him in the cold after just a couple of dates - and they've been fine dates. They've been fun and light-hearted and the conversation has flowed neatly. Unless he's become incredibly inaccurate at assessing his own behaviour, something strange is going on here.
Standing with his latest heartache, he takes a breath and rubs the back of his neck. "Do you mind if I ask why?" he asks, watching her miserable face. "I just - I guess I thought we were having a good time."
"We were. I swear, you're a great guy."
"But?"
"To be honest? I think you need to have a talk with your ex."
"Terri?" Oh, god, what is she doing now? She's already ruined his life enough, shredding him apart from the inside out. What more is there to be done?
Yet his date frowns and shakes her head. "No, not her. She didn't give me her name. I've just had some strange phone calls, and then someone let a herd of cats into my house. It was - weird. Really weird."
"Cats? What?"
"They all had messages about you on their collar. I like you, Will, I honestly do, but I hardly know you. I don't want to get mixed up with any of this."
"What were the messages?" Will demands, snapping the words without meaning to - the anger is bubbling hotter than he can imagine, faster than he can control. A name is forming in the black of his mind: Sue Sylvester. "What did they say?"
"I don't know. Nothing. Stupid stuff." She shakes her head and takes a step backwards. "About your hair and rapping and... I don't know. If you want them you can have them."
"I want them," Will insists, speaking between clenched teeth. "Now."
And that is how he absolutely crushes any chance he might have had of one more date.
*
He slams his way into Sue's office the following morning, and finds her sharpening her nails with a letter opener. She throws it down against the desk top as she stands up, spluttering in outrage at the invasion already.
"Cats, Sue?" Will rages. "Really?"
"Sentences. Try to use them. I appreciate that it's early in the morning for your walnut brain to function, but warm up before you come to me."
"You released a flock of cats into my date's house. Why would you do that? How could you hate me that much?" They're at each other's throats night and day, but this is more than that. Worse than that. Sue is certifiable to the point that some days he wonders why she isn't locked up - but this is his life.
Sue prowls around her desk like a panther on patrol. "I was warning the poor girl of your many inadequacies. It's a public service. Many people would have me knighted."
"And the others? How many have you done this to?"
"William, please. Have some faith in my originality."
It's getting difficult to breathe by this point. How could she? How dare she?
"How many have you chased off?" Will asks, trying to control the temper building in his chest. They never told him. He's had a bogeyman lurking in his shadow, and nobody has let him know how far it's gone. "Sue?"
"How many women have you dated?" Sue asks, with a mocking smile as if this is a perfectly sane thing to do. "You keep dating 'em, and I'll keep chasing 'em off. It's a fair system."
"'Fair'? What is fair about this?" He's going to burst a blood vessel at any moment. "You can't do this. It's not right."
"Stop trying to date floozies and I won't have to," Sue says. "I think that seems like a good compromise, don't you?"
"What is wrong with your brain?" Will asks. "I mean it. Do you want me to be a monk? Is that it?"
She leans against her desk, crosses her arms over her chest, and spreads her legs just a little. The blue of her tracksuit shines menacingly at him. "Celibacy isn't your only option. If you play nice, I could look past the cleft-chin and pubic-hair over your scalp and bestow a little charity upon you."
He doesn't trust her for a half-second, and he wouldn't be surprised to discover that she'd planned this all along.
On the other hand, however, it's been a long time since he's got laid. He tilts his head to the side, eyes narrowed as he tries to work out her game plan. He's got to be careful here; he's got to make sure he comes out with the upper hand.
(five minutes later he is face-down in Sue's sex room, with his ass reddened and his eyes blindfolded. He's still working on that 'upper hand'.)
Pairing: Sue/Will
Word Count: 816
Rating: R
A/N: Written for somniesperus for the Five Acts Meme.
Summary: Someone has been sabotaging Will's dates. He soon discovers the culprit.
Another date, another dumping.
It's the fourth time in just over two months that Will has had a woman leave him in the cold after just a couple of dates - and they've been fine dates. They've been fun and light-hearted and the conversation has flowed neatly. Unless he's become incredibly inaccurate at assessing his own behaviour, something strange is going on here.
Standing with his latest heartache, he takes a breath and rubs the back of his neck. "Do you mind if I ask why?" he asks, watching her miserable face. "I just - I guess I thought we were having a good time."
"We were. I swear, you're a great guy."
"But?"
"To be honest? I think you need to have a talk with your ex."
"Terri?" Oh, god, what is she doing now? She's already ruined his life enough, shredding him apart from the inside out. What more is there to be done?
Yet his date frowns and shakes her head. "No, not her. She didn't give me her name. I've just had some strange phone calls, and then someone let a herd of cats into my house. It was - weird. Really weird."
"Cats? What?"
"They all had messages about you on their collar. I like you, Will, I honestly do, but I hardly know you. I don't want to get mixed up with any of this."
"What were the messages?" Will demands, snapping the words without meaning to - the anger is bubbling hotter than he can imagine, faster than he can control. A name is forming in the black of his mind: Sue Sylvester. "What did they say?"
"I don't know. Nothing. Stupid stuff." She shakes her head and takes a step backwards. "About your hair and rapping and... I don't know. If you want them you can have them."
"I want them," Will insists, speaking between clenched teeth. "Now."
And that is how he absolutely crushes any chance he might have had of one more date.
*
He slams his way into Sue's office the following morning, and finds her sharpening her nails with a letter opener. She throws it down against the desk top as she stands up, spluttering in outrage at the invasion already.
"Cats, Sue?" Will rages. "Really?"
"Sentences. Try to use them. I appreciate that it's early in the morning for your walnut brain to function, but warm up before you come to me."
"You released a flock of cats into my date's house. Why would you do that? How could you hate me that much?" They're at each other's throats night and day, but this is more than that. Worse than that. Sue is certifiable to the point that some days he wonders why she isn't locked up - but this is his life.
Sue prowls around her desk like a panther on patrol. "I was warning the poor girl of your many inadequacies. It's a public service. Many people would have me knighted."
"And the others? How many have you done this to?"
"William, please. Have some faith in my originality."
It's getting difficult to breathe by this point. How could she? How dare she?
"How many have you chased off?" Will asks, trying to control the temper building in his chest. They never told him. He's had a bogeyman lurking in his shadow, and nobody has let him know how far it's gone. "Sue?"
"How many women have you dated?" Sue asks, with a mocking smile as if this is a perfectly sane thing to do. "You keep dating 'em, and I'll keep chasing 'em off. It's a fair system."
"'Fair'? What is fair about this?" He's going to burst a blood vessel at any moment. "You can't do this. It's not right."
"Stop trying to date floozies and I won't have to," Sue says. "I think that seems like a good compromise, don't you?"
"What is wrong with your brain?" Will asks. "I mean it. Do you want me to be a monk? Is that it?"
She leans against her desk, crosses her arms over her chest, and spreads her legs just a little. The blue of her tracksuit shines menacingly at him. "Celibacy isn't your only option. If you play nice, I could look past the cleft-chin and pubic-hair over your scalp and bestow a little charity upon you."
He doesn't trust her for a half-second, and he wouldn't be surprised to discover that she'd planned this all along.
On the other hand, however, it's been a long time since he's got laid. He tilts his head to the side, eyes narrowed as he tries to work out her game plan. He's got to be careful here; he's got to make sure he comes out with the upper hand.
(five minutes later he is face-down in Sue's sex room, with his ass reddened and his eyes blindfolded. He's still working on that 'upper hand'.)