Sex is Harder Than It Looks - Glee - Finn/Kurt
Title: Sex is Harder Than It Looks
Pairing: Finn/Kurt
Word Count: 3400
Rating: NC-17
A/N: Written with a prompt from citrus_taste.
Summary: After dating for several months, Finn and Kurt decide to have sex. Finn finds this rather terrifying.
The internet is kind of a scary place.
Yeah, Finn has known that ever since he was old enough to surf the web (he doesn't think he's ever gonna forget some of the videos Puck has sent him over the years, and not in a 'this is awesome, I'll remember it forever' kind of way) but it isn't until he starts looking for sex tips that he really understands how terrifying it is. He feels sorry for granddads and stuff that are venturing online for the first time. It is not a place for the unprepared.
It's like this, see: he and Kurt have been dating for almost six months. It's been really cool, and Rachel's even stopped giving them the death-eyes every time that she sees them together. It's like acceptance, or something. Kurt hasn't had a cock drawn on his face by the puck-heads for almost two weeks now. That's progress.
Kurt's really into progress, and taking the next step, and all that.
And that's pretty much why Finn is typing "anal sex tips" into Google for help.
It's not that they've not had a super-fun sex life so far. Kurt's really enthusiastic and handsy, and Finn likes that. He really likes that: 'think of the mailman non-stop' likes that. Hands and mouths and loads of grinding. They had been doing pretty well - and then Kurt had looked at him last week. Looked at him, right in the eyes, with his seriousest of serious expressions, and said, "Do you think we should try something further?"
Finn hadn't been one hundred percent sure on what Kurt meant at first, but he'd nodded anyway. Sometimes going along with Kurt's ideas meant that he ended up covered in glitter and feathers, but usually it was worth it. Kurt was hot when he was grateful.
Turns out, there was no glitter involved this time around, and Finn had left to do some research.
That's why he finds himself lying on his bed with his laptop, researching anal sex tips and being dazzled by all the various kinds of lube on offer. There's even one with glitter. Kurt would totally love that, right?
It's kind of, like, information overload, and he thinks his head is about to explode or implode or do whichever one is most likely for heads. Closing his laptop, he then closes his eyes and lets out one long exhale: this is going to be fine. Everything is going to be fine. Kurt's putting his ass in his hands, not his life (Finn's sure he'd lose his head if he ever said that to Kurt, but he thinks it works).
It's gonna be fine, right?
It's not like he's gonna break him or anything.
After a moment's thought, he gulps. He opens the laptop once again: more research is definitely required.
*
Kurt drives him to school the next morning, but the ride is kinda quiet. Finn is glad for the radio: when Kurt tries to start chatting, Finn begins to sing at a volume that is inappropriate this early in the morning. It's off-key (it would probably make Mr Schue wince) but it has the intended purpose of putting off whatever Kurt felt they ought to chat about.
He can't really do that throughout the entire day, however. Not living in a musical sucks. By midday he is running out of ways to distract Kurt.
"Finn," Kurt says at lunch, once he has succeeded in luring him away to a private spot. "You've been acting really odd all day."
Damn. He'd thought he'd been pretty subtle about it, spy-style. Looks like he's not gonna be getting a license to kill any time soon.
"Is it about what I said yesterday?"
"What? No!" Finn's voice is higher than he had known he was capable of. Maybe he can start trying some new heights in glee club. "No, why would that make me act odd?"
Kurt's expression suggests that he isn't really buying Finn's act of being completely cool about the whole thing. He's doing the pursed-lip thing that Finn usually associates with getting cold shouldered for the rest of the day. It's not a fun expression for him. "It's big. I can understand if it freaks you out, Finn. It freaks me out."
Finn's not sure about that. He doesn't think that anything knocks Kurt off balance: he's calm, always. A little bitchy, a little testy, but calm. Sometimes, it makes Finn think he's a superhero - or maybe an evil mastermind. Either way, it seems clear enough that Kurt isn't human.
"I'm maybe freaking out just a little," he confesses all the same, because Kurt's understanding eyes are difficult to hide from. "I was looking stuff up last night. Sex looks hard."
It never looks that way in any of the porn he's watched. Porn makes it look easy, but the websites he had been reading last night made it sound really difficult. Anything that warns about 'anal tearing' makes him want to back away really, really slowly.
"I'm not good at hard stuff," he says.
"We won Sectionals," Kurt challenges, as if that has some kind of relevance here. Finn doesn't think it does, really - it's not like he can sing at Kurt and have him come that way (although, sometimes the look that Kurt gets on his face when they're singing makes Finn wonder if that might be possible after all). "You even passed Spanish last year. This can't be any harder than that."
"... I think it can be." Finn's almost certain of it, actually. "I could hurt you."
"I'm up for it." Kurt shrugs. "I don't want to pressure you into it, Finn. It was a suggestion - that's all. We can back off."
Finn pauses for a moment. It's hard to tell what Kurt is thinking most of the time, because Finn doesn't think that Kurt thinks like ordinary people. He's got his own brain that's filled with fireworks and fashion and manipulation.
"I don't really want to back off," he says - because, well, he's a teenager. Sex is sex, even if it's scary, and before Kurt came along he'd been dating the head of the chastity club for most of his high school life. Dating someone who likes sex is new and cool. "I just... I don't know."
Kurt tilts his head to the side. Finn tries not to think about how he looks like a predator eyeing up its prey. "We're in this together," Kurt says, soft and reassuring. "This is going to be new for both of us."
Finn nods. Both of them are going to be there, and they're gonna be in it together, and it is going to be fine. Hopefully.
"Is it weird to be talking about this here?" he wonders aloud, looking to the left. Just a few feet away their fellow students are wandering back and forth during their lunch break. It doesn't seem like the ideal spot for sex talks.
"No weirder than making out here," Kurt points out. The smile on his face is little short of devilish, and Finn allows himself to be reeled in by Kurt's hands on his hips; he dips his head down low in the way that always makes his neck start aching after a little while, and by the time their lips touch they are both smiling.
Maybe this isn't going to be so scary after all.
*
Kurt's dad is working late, way late, so Finn finds himself at Kurt's house. It's a Friday night: there's nothing to do tomorrow. No reason to head home early.
His mouth has gone dry by the time they're sitting on Kurt's bed, and he can't work out what to do with his hands. He's too aware of them, too self-conscious. His entire body feels too big and too slow and too stupid. Kurt doesn't seem to have the same problem, as fluid and determined as he always is when he pushes Finn back against the mattress. "Tonight?" he asks, his voice low and quiet in a way that Finn has never heard it before. It makes his stomach clench. "Do you want to try it?"
For a fleeting moment, Finn is tempted to play dumb. Coming from him, Kurt would probably believe it. Sometimes having a reputation for being a little bit dim works to his advantage.
With Kurt's eyes so earnest, his lips pressed together in the faintest show of his nerves, Finn doesn't have the heart to make him say anything further. He smiles - and he doesn't even have to force it. "Yeah," he breathes. "Let's go for it."
It's like football - taking a risk, taking a chance, hoping it pays off.
Being prepared to lose.
It doesn't feel scary at first. They strip each other slowly, bumping lips in clumsy kisses as they do so. Kurt's skin is like it always is, a weirdly pale shade that looks almost too clean to touch. He smells like expensive skin-care products and talcum powder; being around Kurt when he's naked always makes Finn feel comparatively dirty, even if he is straight out of the shower. He doesn't have nearly the regime that Kurt does.
"So, uh, what now?" he asks. He keeps waiting for something terrible to happen: he doesn't think he'll be surprised if one of them, probably him, ends the evening in the ER. That's just the way that his sex life rolls.
"I've been reading about positions to see what would be best for first timers," Kurt says. He sounds the same way that he does when he is giving Finn help on his homework, and Finn thinks he's never gonna be able to hear him talk like that without getting way turned on. Under Kurt's patient guidance, they push themselves into place, Kurt on his hands and knees with Finn kneeling behind him. A little more control, with a lack of acrobatics: Finn can get on-board with that.
Also? Having Kurt in front of him like this is one of the hottest things he's ever seen. It kind of makes sexy butterflies flap in his stomach, and he has to think mailmanmailmanmailman when Kurt passes the lube over to him. He's brought his own (he went ahead and ordered the glittery stuff after all) but Kurt's looks way more official. "Take it slow," Kurt instructs. "One finger first. I've done it to myself before, so this bit should be alright."
Mailman.
The lube is slick and sticky, and within a couple of seconds Finn has it smeared over his hands and Kurt's hips and pretty much everywhere other than the one place it is supposed to be. "This is hard," he observes, looking down at his hands. When he'd been busy freaking out about all of the ways that this could go wrong, he hadn't taken stickiness into account.
Kurt reassures him and he carries on, pushing one digit inside. The tight clench around his finger feels as if it is trying to crush the bone: it is only when Kurt steadily breathes out, calming himself, that it relaxes enough for Finn to slide his finger further inside. The heat is more than he could have imagined. It's slick and easy as he pushes his finger in and out, moving in time with the steady rhythm of Kurt's breathing.
"Is this okay?" His voice comes out as a husky whisper, but Finn thinks that it sounds more scared than sexy. He's never really been too good at the whole 'sex appeal' thing, but Kurt seems to think otherwise.
"It's fine," Kurt confirms. His face is flushed a bright shade of pink. "It's - good. You can try another."
Another finger. Cool. Finn breathes out one long breath before he tries it: he thinks that he has no real reason to be this nervous. He isn't the one on his hands and knees with his ass in the air, he isn't the one putting his safety and comfort into Kurt's hands. This has to be a bigger deal for Kurt than it is for him - but he still feels like he is the only one that is about to freak out.
It's a tighter fit with the second finger, but Kurt is more relaxed by now. He gives a loud groan as Finn slowly squeezes his finger inside, making gradual progress with lazy jutting movements. The tone of Kurt's voice has dropped several decibels; with a sound like that he could never make it as a soprano. Finn pushes past the first knuckle, past the second, until his two fingers are firmly enclosed. He stretches Kurt open, listening closely to every sound that Kurt makes in reaction. He's quieter than Finn would have expected, communicating mostly in heavy breathing and muffled groans.
When he's told to, Finn squirts an extra blob of lube of then pushes inside a third finger. Kurt breathes out a large puff of air as he does so, as if there isn't space for air inside of him as well as Finn's clumsy digits. "Am I hurting you?" Finn asks. He feels like he's got to be; his hand is large and Kurt is small and Finn isn't exactly good at math but this, at least, he can work out.
"It's not that bad," Kurt says, choked. "Keep going."
And Finn doesn't think that 'not that bad' means 'all that good', but he does what he's told: by this point, Kurt is kind of the boss of him.
He continues until Kurt is stretched and relaxed. It's really, really hard to get the condom on (he realises that he really should've done that before lube got everywhere, because it's almost impossible to get the packet open when his fingers are sliding all over the place) and just the touch of his own hand as he's rolling it on makes him shiver and splutter. Mailman. It's kind of a little bit traumatising.
"Kurt, I'm not going to last long," he warns, internally kicking himself. He's pretty certain that Kurt has never envisioned his first time as ending within a minute. He's been getting better at holding on, but already he is testing his limits. It's all too much all at once: just the thought of Kurt really wanting this, wanting him like this, it's enough to make his heart hammer.
Kurt looks over his shoulder at him: the smile on his face is little short of adoring. The sight of it is enough to make Finn's chest feel tight, because he hasn't done anything to deserve that. It's too much.
"I know," Kurt says, far too understanding - as usual. He seems to have a secret reserve of patience that he uses just for Finn. "The way I'm feeling right now, I'm not sure if I will either."
They smile at each other, shaky and uncertain. Finn feels like maybe this isn't really happening at all, that it's all just a tripped-out dream inside his head. In his dreams, though, he would be way better than this - he'd be freaking James Bond or Jason Bourne or whichever one of those is better at gay sex.
"I'm ready," Kurt tells him, after Finn has paused too long, trapped in his own thoughts. Kurt's words strip that away so that he is what is left: the pair of them, this bed, Kurt's room. He listens to his own heart beat once, twice, then takes himself in hand and pushes inside of Kurt's asshole.
It's impossibly tight, even after they've worked hard at making sure that Kurt is ready. Finn has never felt anything like this, heat engulfing him. It feels even better than it does when Kurt goes down on him, mouth hot and sloppy. This is several steps beyond that: it's trust and adoration, but it's raw sex underneath. It's the kind of thing that adults do, not them.
When he is pushed fully inside, his pubic hair flush against the smooth, pale bump of Kurt's ass, he pauses and waits. Kurt is making small, hitching whines with each intake of breath, unable to stop himself. It's the kind of sound that (mailmanmailmanmailman) turns Finn on like nothing he could have imagined. It's seared into his brain.
"I'm good," Kurt pants. "Please; it's fine."
Finn feels as if he is handling delicate porcelain as he pulls out, but he quickly realises that it isn't Kurt that he needs to be worrying out: his balls are tingling, body tensing. "Damn it," he mutters before clenching his teeth - they've barely started. He wants to make Kurt feel amazing. He wants this to be utterly and completely awesome, but-
Mailmanmailman -
He comes with a defeated groan, one-stroke in. His hips jerk forward and he spills inside the condom. Eyes screwed shut, mouth half-open, weight resting against Kurt's back, he feels like an idiot.
And, honestly, he's not going to be surprised if Kurt breaks up with him. Maybe he'll run off with Puck just like Quinn. Finn's life kinda sucks, and right now he wants to blame it all on his dick.
"Finn," Kurt says. "Can you get off me?"
Finn realises, belatedly, that Kurt's arms are trembling slightly from the pressure of holding both of them up. He pulls back and out before he slumps down onto the bed, shoulders slumped. "Sorry," he pants. "I suck."
Even without looking directly at Kurt, Finn can sense the affectionate eye-roll. He doesn't really deserve anything 'affectionate' right now, but he's always been lucky enough to escape Kurt's wrath. He exists in a blind-spot from Kurt's snark that even Mercedes doesn't get to evade. It's awesome.
Kurt moves around on the bed until he is able to snuggle in at Finn's side. "Next time will be better," he says, with the kind of determination in his voice that makes Finn able to believe him. For now, though, they have more pressing matters. Kurt takes hold of Finn's hand and guides it down onto his cock, still hard, red and desperate. Finn's grasp closes around it confidently: this part he knows well. It's hard to believe that doing this was once the scariest sex act he'd ever encountered. It feels tame, now. He's happy to let Kurt lean against him as he strokes him at the pace he knows always gets Kurt off.
Kurt's weight is slumped against him, and Finn looks down, watching Kurt's face as he draws him off. His skin is still flushed red, a shade that would mean anger or embarrassment in any other situation. Here, now, it means open need: it means that Kurt is turned on and so close, and that Finn's hand is going to be the one that makes him come. It's the kinda thing that makes a guy smug.
Before long, Kurt is making quiet, whimpering sounds, his hips moving in tiny juts as he thrusts into the grip of Finn's hand. The noises that he's making make Finn want to get hard again quickly, but all he's focusing on now is making Kurt feel as good as possible. He deserves it. He deserves the world, right? The world's kind of lacking, so for now he's going to have to hope that an orgasm is the next best thing.
It's with a loud grunt that Kurt finally comes, spilling onto his own stomach and dripping down onto Finn's hand. Panting, Kurt's body loses all of its former tension and he slumps against Finn's body as if it is simply too much effort to hold onto any control himself. Finn smiles, breathing in deeply; he can smell the chemicals of Kurt's hair products right beneath his nose, and leans comfortably back against the headboard.
Finn holds his tongue, forcing himself not to speak until Kurt does too: he knows himself well enough to guarantee that whatever he says will sound stupid as hell.
Kurt presses his lips against the hollow of Finn's throat; Finn can feel the curve of his lips, can sense the smile on his face.
"That was good," Kurt says - which, yeah, isn't really true at all. Finn came too early and the whole thing was messy and kind of short.
Still.
He's not a virgin any more.
They've just had sex, even if it did last for less than twenty seconds.
All in all, it's kind of awesome - Finn thinks that they're both gonna be smiling for a long while yet.
Pairing: Finn/Kurt
Word Count: 3400
Rating: NC-17
A/N: Written with a prompt from citrus_taste.
Summary: After dating for several months, Finn and Kurt decide to have sex. Finn finds this rather terrifying.
The internet is kind of a scary place.
Yeah, Finn has known that ever since he was old enough to surf the web (he doesn't think he's ever gonna forget some of the videos Puck has sent him over the years, and not in a 'this is awesome, I'll remember it forever' kind of way) but it isn't until he starts looking for sex tips that he really understands how terrifying it is. He feels sorry for granddads and stuff that are venturing online for the first time. It is not a place for the unprepared.
It's like this, see: he and Kurt have been dating for almost six months. It's been really cool, and Rachel's even stopped giving them the death-eyes every time that she sees them together. It's like acceptance, or something. Kurt hasn't had a cock drawn on his face by the puck-heads for almost two weeks now. That's progress.
Kurt's really into progress, and taking the next step, and all that.
And that's pretty much why Finn is typing "anal sex tips" into Google for help.
It's not that they've not had a super-fun sex life so far. Kurt's really enthusiastic and handsy, and Finn likes that. He really likes that: 'think of the mailman non-stop' likes that. Hands and mouths and loads of grinding. They had been doing pretty well - and then Kurt had looked at him last week. Looked at him, right in the eyes, with his seriousest of serious expressions, and said, "Do you think we should try something further?"
Finn hadn't been one hundred percent sure on what Kurt meant at first, but he'd nodded anyway. Sometimes going along with Kurt's ideas meant that he ended up covered in glitter and feathers, but usually it was worth it. Kurt was hot when he was grateful.
Turns out, there was no glitter involved this time around, and Finn had left to do some research.
That's why he finds himself lying on his bed with his laptop, researching anal sex tips and being dazzled by all the various kinds of lube on offer. There's even one with glitter. Kurt would totally love that, right?
It's kind of, like, information overload, and he thinks his head is about to explode or implode or do whichever one is most likely for heads. Closing his laptop, he then closes his eyes and lets out one long exhale: this is going to be fine. Everything is going to be fine. Kurt's putting his ass in his hands, not his life (Finn's sure he'd lose his head if he ever said that to Kurt, but he thinks it works).
It's gonna be fine, right?
It's not like he's gonna break him or anything.
After a moment's thought, he gulps. He opens the laptop once again: more research is definitely required.
*
Kurt drives him to school the next morning, but the ride is kinda quiet. Finn is glad for the radio: when Kurt tries to start chatting, Finn begins to sing at a volume that is inappropriate this early in the morning. It's off-key (it would probably make Mr Schue wince) but it has the intended purpose of putting off whatever Kurt felt they ought to chat about.
He can't really do that throughout the entire day, however. Not living in a musical sucks. By midday he is running out of ways to distract Kurt.
"Finn," Kurt says at lunch, once he has succeeded in luring him away to a private spot. "You've been acting really odd all day."
Damn. He'd thought he'd been pretty subtle about it, spy-style. Looks like he's not gonna be getting a license to kill any time soon.
"Is it about what I said yesterday?"
"What? No!" Finn's voice is higher than he had known he was capable of. Maybe he can start trying some new heights in glee club. "No, why would that make me act odd?"
Kurt's expression suggests that he isn't really buying Finn's act of being completely cool about the whole thing. He's doing the pursed-lip thing that Finn usually associates with getting cold shouldered for the rest of the day. It's not a fun expression for him. "It's big. I can understand if it freaks you out, Finn. It freaks me out."
Finn's not sure about that. He doesn't think that anything knocks Kurt off balance: he's calm, always. A little bitchy, a little testy, but calm. Sometimes, it makes Finn think he's a superhero - or maybe an evil mastermind. Either way, it seems clear enough that Kurt isn't human.
"I'm maybe freaking out just a little," he confesses all the same, because Kurt's understanding eyes are difficult to hide from. "I was looking stuff up last night. Sex looks hard."
It never looks that way in any of the porn he's watched. Porn makes it look easy, but the websites he had been reading last night made it sound really difficult. Anything that warns about 'anal tearing' makes him want to back away really, really slowly.
"I'm not good at hard stuff," he says.
"We won Sectionals," Kurt challenges, as if that has some kind of relevance here. Finn doesn't think it does, really - it's not like he can sing at Kurt and have him come that way (although, sometimes the look that Kurt gets on his face when they're singing makes Finn wonder if that might be possible after all). "You even passed Spanish last year. This can't be any harder than that."
"... I think it can be." Finn's almost certain of it, actually. "I could hurt you."
"I'm up for it." Kurt shrugs. "I don't want to pressure you into it, Finn. It was a suggestion - that's all. We can back off."
Finn pauses for a moment. It's hard to tell what Kurt is thinking most of the time, because Finn doesn't think that Kurt thinks like ordinary people. He's got his own brain that's filled with fireworks and fashion and manipulation.
"I don't really want to back off," he says - because, well, he's a teenager. Sex is sex, even if it's scary, and before Kurt came along he'd been dating the head of the chastity club for most of his high school life. Dating someone who likes sex is new and cool. "I just... I don't know."
Kurt tilts his head to the side. Finn tries not to think about how he looks like a predator eyeing up its prey. "We're in this together," Kurt says, soft and reassuring. "This is going to be new for both of us."
Finn nods. Both of them are going to be there, and they're gonna be in it together, and it is going to be fine. Hopefully.
"Is it weird to be talking about this here?" he wonders aloud, looking to the left. Just a few feet away their fellow students are wandering back and forth during their lunch break. It doesn't seem like the ideal spot for sex talks.
"No weirder than making out here," Kurt points out. The smile on his face is little short of devilish, and Finn allows himself to be reeled in by Kurt's hands on his hips; he dips his head down low in the way that always makes his neck start aching after a little while, and by the time their lips touch they are both smiling.
Maybe this isn't going to be so scary after all.
*
Kurt's dad is working late, way late, so Finn finds himself at Kurt's house. It's a Friday night: there's nothing to do tomorrow. No reason to head home early.
His mouth has gone dry by the time they're sitting on Kurt's bed, and he can't work out what to do with his hands. He's too aware of them, too self-conscious. His entire body feels too big and too slow and too stupid. Kurt doesn't seem to have the same problem, as fluid and determined as he always is when he pushes Finn back against the mattress. "Tonight?" he asks, his voice low and quiet in a way that Finn has never heard it before. It makes his stomach clench. "Do you want to try it?"
For a fleeting moment, Finn is tempted to play dumb. Coming from him, Kurt would probably believe it. Sometimes having a reputation for being a little bit dim works to his advantage.
With Kurt's eyes so earnest, his lips pressed together in the faintest show of his nerves, Finn doesn't have the heart to make him say anything further. He smiles - and he doesn't even have to force it. "Yeah," he breathes. "Let's go for it."
It's like football - taking a risk, taking a chance, hoping it pays off.
Being prepared to lose.
It doesn't feel scary at first. They strip each other slowly, bumping lips in clumsy kisses as they do so. Kurt's skin is like it always is, a weirdly pale shade that looks almost too clean to touch. He smells like expensive skin-care products and talcum powder; being around Kurt when he's naked always makes Finn feel comparatively dirty, even if he is straight out of the shower. He doesn't have nearly the regime that Kurt does.
"So, uh, what now?" he asks. He keeps waiting for something terrible to happen: he doesn't think he'll be surprised if one of them, probably him, ends the evening in the ER. That's just the way that his sex life rolls.
"I've been reading about positions to see what would be best for first timers," Kurt says. He sounds the same way that he does when he is giving Finn help on his homework, and Finn thinks he's never gonna be able to hear him talk like that without getting way turned on. Under Kurt's patient guidance, they push themselves into place, Kurt on his hands and knees with Finn kneeling behind him. A little more control, with a lack of acrobatics: Finn can get on-board with that.
Also? Having Kurt in front of him like this is one of the hottest things he's ever seen. It kind of makes sexy butterflies flap in his stomach, and he has to think mailmanmailmanmailman when Kurt passes the lube over to him. He's brought his own (he went ahead and ordered the glittery stuff after all) but Kurt's looks way more official. "Take it slow," Kurt instructs. "One finger first. I've done it to myself before, so this bit should be alright."
Mailman.
The lube is slick and sticky, and within a couple of seconds Finn has it smeared over his hands and Kurt's hips and pretty much everywhere other than the one place it is supposed to be. "This is hard," he observes, looking down at his hands. When he'd been busy freaking out about all of the ways that this could go wrong, he hadn't taken stickiness into account.
Kurt reassures him and he carries on, pushing one digit inside. The tight clench around his finger feels as if it is trying to crush the bone: it is only when Kurt steadily breathes out, calming himself, that it relaxes enough for Finn to slide his finger further inside. The heat is more than he could have imagined. It's slick and easy as he pushes his finger in and out, moving in time with the steady rhythm of Kurt's breathing.
"Is this okay?" His voice comes out as a husky whisper, but Finn thinks that it sounds more scared than sexy. He's never really been too good at the whole 'sex appeal' thing, but Kurt seems to think otherwise.
"It's fine," Kurt confirms. His face is flushed a bright shade of pink. "It's - good. You can try another."
Another finger. Cool. Finn breathes out one long breath before he tries it: he thinks that he has no real reason to be this nervous. He isn't the one on his hands and knees with his ass in the air, he isn't the one putting his safety and comfort into Kurt's hands. This has to be a bigger deal for Kurt than it is for him - but he still feels like he is the only one that is about to freak out.
It's a tighter fit with the second finger, but Kurt is more relaxed by now. He gives a loud groan as Finn slowly squeezes his finger inside, making gradual progress with lazy jutting movements. The tone of Kurt's voice has dropped several decibels; with a sound like that he could never make it as a soprano. Finn pushes past the first knuckle, past the second, until his two fingers are firmly enclosed. He stretches Kurt open, listening closely to every sound that Kurt makes in reaction. He's quieter than Finn would have expected, communicating mostly in heavy breathing and muffled groans.
When he's told to, Finn squirts an extra blob of lube of then pushes inside a third finger. Kurt breathes out a large puff of air as he does so, as if there isn't space for air inside of him as well as Finn's clumsy digits. "Am I hurting you?" Finn asks. He feels like he's got to be; his hand is large and Kurt is small and Finn isn't exactly good at math but this, at least, he can work out.
"It's not that bad," Kurt says, choked. "Keep going."
And Finn doesn't think that 'not that bad' means 'all that good', but he does what he's told: by this point, Kurt is kind of the boss of him.
He continues until Kurt is stretched and relaxed. It's really, really hard to get the condom on (he realises that he really should've done that before lube got everywhere, because it's almost impossible to get the packet open when his fingers are sliding all over the place) and just the touch of his own hand as he's rolling it on makes him shiver and splutter. Mailman. It's kind of a little bit traumatising.
"Kurt, I'm not going to last long," he warns, internally kicking himself. He's pretty certain that Kurt has never envisioned his first time as ending within a minute. He's been getting better at holding on, but already he is testing his limits. It's all too much all at once: just the thought of Kurt really wanting this, wanting him like this, it's enough to make his heart hammer.
Kurt looks over his shoulder at him: the smile on his face is little short of adoring. The sight of it is enough to make Finn's chest feel tight, because he hasn't done anything to deserve that. It's too much.
"I know," Kurt says, far too understanding - as usual. He seems to have a secret reserve of patience that he uses just for Finn. "The way I'm feeling right now, I'm not sure if I will either."
They smile at each other, shaky and uncertain. Finn feels like maybe this isn't really happening at all, that it's all just a tripped-out dream inside his head. In his dreams, though, he would be way better than this - he'd be freaking James Bond or Jason Bourne or whichever one of those is better at gay sex.
"I'm ready," Kurt tells him, after Finn has paused too long, trapped in his own thoughts. Kurt's words strip that away so that he is what is left: the pair of them, this bed, Kurt's room. He listens to his own heart beat once, twice, then takes himself in hand and pushes inside of Kurt's asshole.
It's impossibly tight, even after they've worked hard at making sure that Kurt is ready. Finn has never felt anything like this, heat engulfing him. It feels even better than it does when Kurt goes down on him, mouth hot and sloppy. This is several steps beyond that: it's trust and adoration, but it's raw sex underneath. It's the kind of thing that adults do, not them.
When he is pushed fully inside, his pubic hair flush against the smooth, pale bump of Kurt's ass, he pauses and waits. Kurt is making small, hitching whines with each intake of breath, unable to stop himself. It's the kind of sound that (mailmanmailmanmailman) turns Finn on like nothing he could have imagined. It's seared into his brain.
"I'm good," Kurt pants. "Please; it's fine."
Finn feels as if he is handling delicate porcelain as he pulls out, but he quickly realises that it isn't Kurt that he needs to be worrying out: his balls are tingling, body tensing. "Damn it," he mutters before clenching his teeth - they've barely started. He wants to make Kurt feel amazing. He wants this to be utterly and completely awesome, but-
Mailmanmailman -
He comes with a defeated groan, one-stroke in. His hips jerk forward and he spills inside the condom. Eyes screwed shut, mouth half-open, weight resting against Kurt's back, he feels like an idiot.
And, honestly, he's not going to be surprised if Kurt breaks up with him. Maybe he'll run off with Puck just like Quinn. Finn's life kinda sucks, and right now he wants to blame it all on his dick.
"Finn," Kurt says. "Can you get off me?"
Finn realises, belatedly, that Kurt's arms are trembling slightly from the pressure of holding both of them up. He pulls back and out before he slumps down onto the bed, shoulders slumped. "Sorry," he pants. "I suck."
Even without looking directly at Kurt, Finn can sense the affectionate eye-roll. He doesn't really deserve anything 'affectionate' right now, but he's always been lucky enough to escape Kurt's wrath. He exists in a blind-spot from Kurt's snark that even Mercedes doesn't get to evade. It's awesome.
Kurt moves around on the bed until he is able to snuggle in at Finn's side. "Next time will be better," he says, with the kind of determination in his voice that makes Finn able to believe him. For now, though, they have more pressing matters. Kurt takes hold of Finn's hand and guides it down onto his cock, still hard, red and desperate. Finn's grasp closes around it confidently: this part he knows well. It's hard to believe that doing this was once the scariest sex act he'd ever encountered. It feels tame, now. He's happy to let Kurt lean against him as he strokes him at the pace he knows always gets Kurt off.
Kurt's weight is slumped against him, and Finn looks down, watching Kurt's face as he draws him off. His skin is still flushed red, a shade that would mean anger or embarrassment in any other situation. Here, now, it means open need: it means that Kurt is turned on and so close, and that Finn's hand is going to be the one that makes him come. It's the kinda thing that makes a guy smug.
Before long, Kurt is making quiet, whimpering sounds, his hips moving in tiny juts as he thrusts into the grip of Finn's hand. The noises that he's making make Finn want to get hard again quickly, but all he's focusing on now is making Kurt feel as good as possible. He deserves it. He deserves the world, right? The world's kind of lacking, so for now he's going to have to hope that an orgasm is the next best thing.
It's with a loud grunt that Kurt finally comes, spilling onto his own stomach and dripping down onto Finn's hand. Panting, Kurt's body loses all of its former tension and he slumps against Finn's body as if it is simply too much effort to hold onto any control himself. Finn smiles, breathing in deeply; he can smell the chemicals of Kurt's hair products right beneath his nose, and leans comfortably back against the headboard.
Finn holds his tongue, forcing himself not to speak until Kurt does too: he knows himself well enough to guarantee that whatever he says will sound stupid as hell.
Kurt presses his lips against the hollow of Finn's throat; Finn can feel the curve of his lips, can sense the smile on his face.
"That was good," Kurt says - which, yeah, isn't really true at all. Finn came too early and the whole thing was messy and kind of short.
Still.
He's not a virgin any more.
They've just had sex, even if it did last for less than twenty seconds.
All in all, it's kind of awesome - Finn thinks that they're both gonna be smiling for a long while yet.