Devil and Angels Glory (Cassidy) R (1/1)
Title: Devil and Angels Glory
Author: Kayla
Character: Cassidy. Mentions of Veronica, Logan, Mac, Woody and Sadie, Dick (jr and sr) Casablancas.
Word Count: 1,000
Rating: R (language, talk of rape, sex, and murder)
Summary: A look at Cassidy through the years and possible reasons for why he did what he did.
Spoilers/Warnings: 2x22--it revolves around Not Pictured.
A/N: Written for the
vmlyricfic soundtrack challenge. Prompts were 'Take Refuge' from 46Bliss and a sick child or pet. Which, I used pet, as you'll see. Big thanks to
chopsticknoodle for looking over this and giving me wonderful feedback. She deserves lots of Kyle sex.
You're ten the first time it happens. It's not like you went home and cried about it, because you didn't. You just sat in your closet and dubbed it 'the safe place.'
In there, life doesn’t exist. You were no one and you kind of liked it that way.
But then you're outside and Dick is chasing you and your dad, he says you're too slow.
Convincing them you were sick so you didn't have to attend dinner wasn't hard. Holding back tears in your closet was. But you never cried in there. It was safety after all.
<><><>
You try to quit the baseball team at eleven. Your parents say that it’s not a good idea. That baseball, is really the only reason you have friends.
You kind of want to tell them, but you don’t. And you won’t. That much you know.
Because then, well, your dad will have even more reason to hate you.
Not that he hates you. He doesn’t. Well, you don’t think he does.
He just, wishes you were someone else.
But you don’t blame him. You kind of wish that too.
<><><>
When you're twelve, your dad makes you and Dick go camping. It sucks though, because the whole time, you have to sit alone in the tent.
Your dad and Dick go fishing, swimming, any-fucking-thing they can think of to make you feel more like a piece of shit while you sit alone.
You kind of wish this tent had a closet.
<><><>
It kind of becomes a regular thing by thirteen and you hate it. You tried once--to tell Dick. Well, sort of.
There was this movie on and the little boy, he was kind of like you.
"Why would someone do that to him?"
"Obviously the little kid was a defenseless little fuck."
You hide out in your closet the rest of the night and vow to never again be defenseless.
<><><>
You're fourteen when you kill your dog, Puzzle. Which, really, makes no sense. You loved Puzzle.
But he was sick.
When you pulled the trigger, it felt nice.
<><><>
For your fifteenth birthday, your dad gets you a box of condoms, among other things.
You kind of hated it though. When were you ever going to be able to use them?
But then you’re at Shelly’s party and you realize the freshmen whore bailed, and Veronica Mars, well; she was sitting lying there.
And ya know, you had the condoms. Really, that was all it was.
<><><>
You start to hate life. Not in the ‘I’m emo’ way. Just, ya know, you don’t want to live anymore.
Your mom reads a scribbled piece on paper on your bedroom floor and convinces herself you need anti-depressants.
You hate taking them.
Well, because, you kind of forget your vow to never again be defenseless. You start actually making friends.
And you feel kind of normal.
But then you forget them on a school trip.
You rip apart your hotel in search of a closet to hide out in.
You don’t find one, so you scribble down another list. A list your mom won’t find on your floor this time.
First you’ll take out the other boys, then Woody. And ya know, whoever else gets in your fucking way.
<><><>
Mac. She’s getting in the way. She’s just, there. And ya know, you like her. You really do.
But she’s fucking up the plan.
Not that you’re planning on killing her because she’s getting in the way.
You just wish she wouldn’t. Because you haven’t been in your closet in days and honestly, you feel like you don’t even need it anymore.
Which, would be wonderful, if you know, she wasn’t the reason.
<><><>
You know you’re probably going to have to kill Veronica. She’s just, destined to get in the way.
I mean, really, you don’t mind killing her, you just wish you didn’t have to.
And well, Mac, Mac likes her. And it’s not like you mind Veronica.
She just needs to mind her own damn business.
<><><>
Okay, so you knew it would come to this. You knew you’d probably have to kill Veronica. Really, you didn’t mind taking Keith out either. That you were prepared for.
Logan?
Not so much.
And really won’t Mac wonder? And how the hell are you going to convince the cops Aaron killed his own son? I mean, you could do it, right?
Because if not, then it’s all fucking over.
But you wrestle with Logan anyway, because someone’s going to die tonight.
And then you hear the gun and damn, she’s going to kill you.
But you’re kind of ready to go.
You want to tell Logan to shut the fuck up. She is a killer. She ruined your fucking life with her Nancy Drew bullshit.
Fuck, she should just kill you and get it over with.
But she doesn’t and it’s kind of a let down.
So you let me them have their moment as you make your way over to the edge of the roof. And as sick as it is, you kind of wish Logan would stop you.
Just cause, you know, he’s supposed to be right friend, right? Although you did just kind of try to kill him. But, well, some part of you thought maybe he didn’t hang around you just because of Dick.
But he did. Because he can’t even think of one fucking reason why you should live.
So you tell him what your fucking name is. Not the name everyone said you should put on the back of your baseball shirt. Your real name. The name that could have been a normal kid, given the chance.
And it’s kind of peaceful as you near the end. It feels like your closet. You are no one anymore and you like it that way.