Ruminations on Hand Pain
My forearms, wrists and hands are hurting a lot again. Last night even my pinkie started hurting :( I've been able to sew, even some handsewing, but my go-to knitting is really tough. Knitting now equals pain. I'm trying to finish a quick cardi, only one sleeve to go, and sharp pain in my hand forced me to stop again tonight.
I spend so much time at home watching movies and knitting, but without knitting I start going crazy. I learned to knit because I can't just sit and do nothing even when I hurt too much to do anything besides sit. Knitting keeps the fidgety part of me busy. Being productive in a situation like mine is very important and knitting gave me that as well.
It's so hard that I'm not able to do 90% of activities but to now lose some of the few things I could do is just horrible. I do my best not to think about it but it still stabs me full of regrets. It feels like I'm wasting my self, every day, not able to think or work or have fun. And sometimes it seems that the waste is my fault somehow, that having accepted this reality makes me complicit in it and therefore guilty. I don't know. I just know I was capable of amazing things.
I spend so much time at home watching movies and knitting, but without knitting I start going crazy. I learned to knit because I can't just sit and do nothing even when I hurt too much to do anything besides sit. Knitting keeps the fidgety part of me busy. Being productive in a situation like mine is very important and knitting gave me that as well.
It's so hard that I'm not able to do 90% of activities but to now lose some of the few things I could do is just horrible. I do my best not to think about it but it still stabs me full of regrets. It feels like I'm wasting my self, every day, not able to think or work or have fun. And sometimes it seems that the waste is my fault somehow, that having accepted this reality makes me complicit in it and therefore guilty. I don't know. I just know I was capable of amazing things.