One week, FIFTEEN POUNDS!!!
So, I had my first weigh in after starting on the Optifast shakes, and I lost... FIFTEEN pounds!!! *noisemakers* I know a lot of that was water weight, sodium, etc, and not real fat burn off, but its still exciting! I got to put fifteen marbles from my "Need to Lose" jar into my "Lost" jar!
Its been a rough week. They said in the beginning that this program isn't designed to make you comfortable and that you will have some discomfort (emotionally) on it. I never thought I was an emotional eater, but this week proved me wrong. I felt kind of naked without "food". I mean I'm eating, I have the shakes which are all full of good stuff, but I didn't have real food. And I was surprised how sad I felt. Not sad, exactly, but bored, unexcited, uninterested in things. I think now that I am, in a way, an emotional eater, not in a reacting sense, I don't go to food right away when something bad happens, but I connect food to emotions. I eat for comfort, to soothe myself, to express joy, to be creative. Food is a comforting constant. Food doesn't hurt you. Well, okay, obviously it DOES in excess amounts, but it won't leave you. And it will always make you feel better. I think somehow, totally not on purpose, I got myself to a point where, if I had food I liked and enjoyed, other things could suck and life would still be okay. I've never thought of it that way until right now. Wow. Its the same way with anyone who has any kind of eating disorder, you whittle your life down to one easy issue, food. For anorexics, its being able to control what and how much they eat, for me, I was focused on the good feelings I got from food, so it became something like the world could be going to shit, but if I had a Coke and a plate of spaghetti with fresh parmesan, I could get through it because SOMETHING was right in the world. And its SILLY because my life isn't that awful.There are loads of things that are just fantastic. I didn't think I was so focused on food, but I guess I was. But I guess its just the stress of the fibro, and eds, along with everyday life stuff that I was trying to not feel. hm.
