for a little perspective
So I figured you all might be the best to ask about this thanks to all the personal experience wealth here in the community.
I am hoping to move in with The Boy in a couple months (yay ;) That's the awesome news.
The bad part is I can't seem to make enough income to even do close to half. Or even really help with rent at all.
without going into too much detail, we basically discussed that we should probably a) find a place he could possibly afford on his own 'just in case' and b) i can probably cover most grocery costs and shopping (especially helpful since i have special things i can & cannot eat and super load on veggies/fruit daily) c) if i have any money to spare maybe i can help with utilities d) i could have times when i can do none of 'my part' around the house or even with groceries et al.
We've discussed this and other aspects and he is AWESOME- saying that is what a relationship is all about.
and I agree BUT------
it definitely brings back the 'burden' issues that come with not only having to deal with chronic illness myself but including others to deal with it day in day out. 24/7. he's still relatively new to all this - 8mths- but i have 6 plus years, not to mention since I love him I would try to shield him from the downs of it all if i could (not practical I know but the desire is there). at least i know I have to let that go and deal with it.
and I think i'll be able to let it go and deal with the situation as is but I am one who has to kind of explore it fully and really look into the pros/cons/options first. once I do the active process I can usually make peace with it.
a further complication is that i still will need some help from the parentals with medical costs- fortunately he and the parents get along famously so it makes it easier.
i know if i waited until i could technically afford it all on my own i'd probably die of old age first. and i also know that people may truly have the best intentions but money, and being in the roll more often as unofficial caretaker, and the like can sometimes make the most awesome people harbor silent resentments over time even if they don't want to feel that way and do everything possible not to let it happen. i also know all this is part of life and we just have to roll with what we have instead of expecting the impossible.
I have some ideas and have also had several conversations with the boy (yay for out good communication skills) that I am not going to relate in detail as I kind of want that fresh pair of eyes approach with people literally writing things that they tried that have helped/made it worse.
I was wondering what is it that some of you do in similar situations?
What are some of the things you might contribute since you may not be able to as much to give as you would like financially or other ways?
What are some of the things you have talked about, or wished you had known to talk about, when trying to combine lives with someone you absolutely love and deal with the frustrating realities of limitations like being in the financial crapper?
tons of gratitude for your thoughts!
posted in personal LJ as well, may add some more detail there or in another blog later.
I am hoping to move in with The Boy in a couple months (yay ;) That's the awesome news.
The bad part is I can't seem to make enough income to even do close to half. Or even really help with rent at all.
without going into too much detail, we basically discussed that we should probably a) find a place he could possibly afford on his own 'just in case' and b) i can probably cover most grocery costs and shopping (especially helpful since i have special things i can & cannot eat and super load on veggies/fruit daily) c) if i have any money to spare maybe i can help with utilities d) i could have times when i can do none of 'my part' around the house or even with groceries et al.
We've discussed this and other aspects and he is AWESOME- saying that is what a relationship is all about.
and I agree BUT------
it definitely brings back the 'burden' issues that come with not only having to deal with chronic illness myself but including others to deal with it day in day out. 24/7. he's still relatively new to all this - 8mths- but i have 6 plus years, not to mention since I love him I would try to shield him from the downs of it all if i could (not practical I know but the desire is there). at least i know I have to let that go and deal with it.
and I think i'll be able to let it go and deal with the situation as is but I am one who has to kind of explore it fully and really look into the pros/cons/options first. once I do the active process I can usually make peace with it.
a further complication is that i still will need some help from the parentals with medical costs- fortunately he and the parents get along famously so it makes it easier.
i know if i waited until i could technically afford it all on my own i'd probably die of old age first. and i also know that people may truly have the best intentions but money, and being in the roll more often as unofficial caretaker, and the like can sometimes make the most awesome people harbor silent resentments over time even if they don't want to feel that way and do everything possible not to let it happen. i also know all this is part of life and we just have to roll with what we have instead of expecting the impossible.
I have some ideas and have also had several conversations with the boy (yay for out good communication skills) that I am not going to relate in detail as I kind of want that fresh pair of eyes approach with people literally writing things that they tried that have helped/made it worse.
I was wondering what is it that some of you do in similar situations?
What are some of the things you might contribute since you may not be able to as much to give as you would like financially or other ways?
What are some of the things you have talked about, or wished you had known to talk about, when trying to combine lives with someone you absolutely love and deal with the frustrating realities of limitations like being in the financial crapper?
tons of gratitude for your thoughts!
posted in personal LJ as well, may add some more detail there or in another blog later.