You're Not Gay - Part 12
Title: You're Not Gay
Author: fiar22
Rating: pg-15
Genre: angst, romance, ?denial?, humor
WARNING: umm some of you might take it as "vain" at a certain part, but it really wasn't meant to be that way
Author's Note: huhuhu~ I'm back. As in back at college~! I've got two more weeks here and nothing to do (except study for finals, but I never study for tests and always do good, so who cares, right? right.) I'll probably end up updating more while I'm here because I get so bored. Then, in two weeks I will have Christmas break for a month and I promise I'll at least update twice during that time because I will literally have nothing to do but play video games and kill myself with food. Somehow, this chap is hardly about gay boy love at all... it's about Kry. I don't know if any of the info interferes with previous information given, but I'm going to pretend it doesn't for now and fix it later if it does. Either way, you'll get the picture.
__________________________________________________
He was creating a path in the carpet as he walked. First, one way and then he'd turn on his heels and go the opposite direction. I it didn't help his thought process, but it eased his nerves a bit just to be moving.
"Fuck," Taemin said as he brought his hands up to bury his face in them, "I don't know what to do."
Jonghyun sighed, "First, calm down." His voice was a little irked and it had everything to do with his swelling eye and the ice pack in his hand.
"I think the first step is pretty obvious," Jinki said from his spot on Jonghyun's bed. He looked pretty comfy and uninterested, but Taemin decided to ignore all that.
"No, I know what to do, I just don't know how to do it."
Key smiled as he peeked out of Jonghyun's closet, looking for something, "I could take care of it for you."
Taemin looked tempted, but said, "No, I have to deal with it."
"Well, the only thing I can see to do is just face the music, Tae. Is there really any other way to do it? Did you expect anything less?" Jonghyun said.
He was being harsh, but Taemin knew he was right. There had never been any other answer then a straight face-to-face break up. Maybe he could leave out the 'gay' part for a while, but either way it was time to end it.
Before he could figure out what was going on, he was in his car again, ( this time alone) headed toward Krystal's house for the second time that day. He felt ten times worse than he'd felt earlier, but none of that stopped him. He put himself on autopilot and headed straight for what some might consider self-destruction.
He got there sooner than he wanted. It felt like the ten minute drive took only mere seconds. He wasn't ready for this. but he knew he'd have to do it regardless because he wasn't sure he'd ever be ready. He'd never broken up with someone before. He'd heard somewhere that after the first time, one could break hearts like they were nothing. He wasn't sure how much he believed that, but he didn't have time to ponder because he knocked on the door and she opened it in the same second.
"Hey," she said. She looked solemn.
He instantly felt bad, but just said, "Hey," in return.
"Come in," she offered, stepping aside.
He went in, but didn't go too far. He heard her close the door. Then, she turned around, not moving from where she was, but his back was still turned.
"Krystal..." he started, but he didn't get another word out.
"You're breaking up with me."
It wasn't a question.
She knew, god, she had to know, but it still surprised him all the same. "How did you...?"
"I saw it the minute you saw him. Everything changed. I saw it on your face. You don't think I'm that stupid, do you?"
Taemin just shook his head. He was at a loss of words.
"I don't know why or what happened, but I do know you've never looked at me the way you looked at that Minho guy. You don't have to tell me, but I want you t know that I like you, Taemin, so much that I don't care if we're a couple or friends. Let's just both try to be happy, okay?"
He felt like the worlds biggest douche bag. Krystal was too good for him. She was too understanding. He hated it and yet he knew that was why he loved her the way he did. It may not have been in the way he was supposed to, but he loved her and he hated that.
He brought his hand to his face, "I'm sorry." Honestly, he felt like he could cry again.
"Hey," she said coming close and wrapping her arms around him, "it's okay."
He leaned on her shoulder and wrapped his arms around her.
"Taemin?" Krystal said after several moments of silence.
"Yeah?" his voice croaked a little.
"Do you think you could tell me some time? The whole story from before you got here to now?"
He squeezed her a little tighter, "I promised I will, Krystal."
When he finally left, Krystal cried for the very first time in a long while.
~
Krystal had been told all her life that she was beautiful. When she asked Jessica what that meant in their younger years, her sister told her it meant men gave you stuff for free and women loathed you from afar (or not so afar, Krystal later realized). She learned from a young age that envy was a cruel thing to victims. No matter how much she tried to believe in karma and the golden rule, she never had friends. It would sound vain to say this, and that was what they wanted, so she wouldn't dare give it to them, but the thought bounced around in her head as a constant reminder that she would only ever be seen for this and this alone. She was too beautiful.
She was ashamed to even think it. After all, she'd never thought herself even pretty until she was repeatedly told how beautiful she was. Until she was constantly stopped by men in the middle of the road and proposed to, young and old. Until that time in the bathroom where the girls cornered her and--it was all too much.She wanted to rip her face off. If this was what being pretty meant, she didn't want to be it.
She cried. She was pretty when she cried too, some guy had told her before he set off into a confession for how he felt about her beauty. He said it was her, but it wasn't her, jut her beauty.
She could never tell anyone. No one understood. No one would ever understand. She'd thought about killing herself a few times. She heard the beautiful were supposed to die young. She'd almost done it a couple of times, but it turned out she was a coward. She couldn't even off herself, so she imagined she deserved the torture, perhaps repenting for something in another life. She'd pretty much given up hope for salvation when her sister brought home a handsome stranger.
"this is my sister, Krystal," Jessica said, pointing lazily at Krystal who sat quietly, looking to the mysterious boy.
"Hi, Krystal. I'm Jonghyun. It's nice to meet you," he said boisterously and loud.
"Are you here to have sex with my sister?" Krystal asked bluntly.
Jessica rolled her eyes.
Jonghyun raised an eyebrow, "You're that easy?"
"Like you aren't," Jessica retorted, heading over to sit next to Krystal, "by the way, thanks, Krystal. I'm glad to know you think I'm easy."
"I meet a new guy more than once a week," was all Krystal said.
Jonghyun laughed, "your sister has you pinned, Jess."
"Yeah, whatever," Jessica said, brushing off the topic, "anyway, I'll be right back."
Jessica left and that left Jonghyun and Krystal to sit silently across from each other.
"So, why are you unhappy, Krystal?" Jonghyun asked out of the blue.
"About my sister bringing home new guys all the time?" she asked.
He let out a chuckle, "Well, I know that it's related, but I just meant generally."
"Why do you think I'm generally unhappy?"
He shrugged, "Just a feeling I get."
She was silent for a long while, but he didn't ask again or say anything else. It took a leap of faith, but Krystal felt that Jonghyun couldn't possibly be waiting to attack. Something bout him was too nice. "Have you ever..." she stopped. It sounded stupid, but she took a breath and started again, "Have you ever been bullied?"
He looked at her for a moment, really looked at her, and then laughed, "Bullied? Can't say that I have. No one is stupid enough to mess with me."
She got upset. Of course someone like Jonghyun would never get bullied. She wished she'd never asked, but then she noticed him staring.
He smiled, "you shouldn't worry so much, Krystal. You're a smart kid. You'll figure it out eventually."
She blinked, "smart?'
"Yeah," he confirmed, "smart... like, not stupid."
For the first time in her life, Krystal had been called a positive adjective other than beautiful. It all started a snowball effect from there. When Krystal started school again, Jonghyun defended her.
He was dragging her to a lunch table in the middle of the courtyard, face red-angry from the incident just now, and dragged her up to stand on the table with him. "Hey," he yelled and all conversation ceased, "I want to start this year off right so that no one gets hurt. You all know me and if you don't, you will. This is Krystal Jung. Some of you freshmen may know her, you all might also know her sister, Jessica Jung. Well, from here on out, if i hear either of them had to deal with crap from any of you, you will be answering to me. Is that clear?" Complete silence, "good. Let's have a great year, everyone."
Just like that, everyone got back to business.
Krystal was shocked, "Why did you...?"
"This is all I can do, sorry. You're going to meet someone amazing, Krystal, but this is all I can do for you."
She was speechless.
"Have a good year, kid," and he was gone.
Krystal wasn't harassed the rest of the day, or the next day, or the next day, or the next day. In fact, it wasn't until four days later that someone even spoke to her.
"Hey," it was a girl, so they couldn't be talking to her. She ignored it. "Hey!" the girl persisted.
"What?" Krystal looked up and asked.
It was a girl with small eyes and puffy cheeks. "You're the girl who was with Jonghyun-oppa, right?"
Krystal stared for a moment before a hesitant, "yes."
The girl squealed in delight. "Can you introduce us? Honestly, I'm new here before I was home-schooled all my life until this year, but I know a hottie when I see one and I have to know him."
Krystal was a little skeptical, but couldn't help but smile. The girl was cute. "sure, I'll introduce you."
The girl squealed again, "Thank you times 3! Oh my god, thank you, ... uh... Krystal?"
"Yeah," Krystal smiled again, "What's your name?"
"I'm Sulli," the cute girl smiled.
Suddenly, the teacher burst into a spiel about too much chit-chat and the conversation was over.
Author: fiar22
Rating: pg-15
Genre: angst, romance, ?denial?, humor
WARNING: umm some of you might take it as "vain" at a certain part, but it really wasn't meant to be that way
Author's Note: huhuhu~ I'm back. As in back at college~! I've got two more weeks here and nothing to do (except study for finals, but I never study for tests and always do good, so who cares, right? right.) I'll probably end up updating more while I'm here because I get so bored. Then, in two weeks I will have Christmas break for a month and I promise I'll at least update twice during that time because I will literally have nothing to do but play video games and kill myself with food. Somehow, this chap is hardly about gay boy love at all... it's about Kry. I don't know if any of the info interferes with previous information given, but I'm going to pretend it doesn't for now and fix it later if it does. Either way, you'll get the picture.
__________________________________________________
He was creating a path in the carpet as he walked. First, one way and then he'd turn on his heels and go the opposite direction. I it didn't help his thought process, but it eased his nerves a bit just to be moving.
"Fuck," Taemin said as he brought his hands up to bury his face in them, "I don't know what to do."
Jonghyun sighed, "First, calm down." His voice was a little irked and it had everything to do with his swelling eye and the ice pack in his hand.
"I think the first step is pretty obvious," Jinki said from his spot on Jonghyun's bed. He looked pretty comfy and uninterested, but Taemin decided to ignore all that.
"No, I know what to do, I just don't know how to do it."
Key smiled as he peeked out of Jonghyun's closet, looking for something, "I could take care of it for you."
Taemin looked tempted, but said, "No, I have to deal with it."
"Well, the only thing I can see to do is just face the music, Tae. Is there really any other way to do it? Did you expect anything less?" Jonghyun said.
He was being harsh, but Taemin knew he was right. There had never been any other answer then a straight face-to-face break up. Maybe he could leave out the 'gay' part for a while, but either way it was time to end it.
Before he could figure out what was going on, he was in his car again, ( this time alone) headed toward Krystal's house for the second time that day. He felt ten times worse than he'd felt earlier, but none of that stopped him. He put himself on autopilot and headed straight for what some might consider self-destruction.
He got there sooner than he wanted. It felt like the ten minute drive took only mere seconds. He wasn't ready for this. but he knew he'd have to do it regardless because he wasn't sure he'd ever be ready. He'd never broken up with someone before. He'd heard somewhere that after the first time, one could break hearts like they were nothing. He wasn't sure how much he believed that, but he didn't have time to ponder because he knocked on the door and she opened it in the same second.
"Hey," she said. She looked solemn.
He instantly felt bad, but just said, "Hey," in return.
"Come in," she offered, stepping aside.
He went in, but didn't go too far. He heard her close the door. Then, she turned around, not moving from where she was, but his back was still turned.
"Krystal..." he started, but he didn't get another word out.
"You're breaking up with me."
It wasn't a question.
She knew, god, she had to know, but it still surprised him all the same. "How did you...?"
"I saw it the minute you saw him. Everything changed. I saw it on your face. You don't think I'm that stupid, do you?"
Taemin just shook his head. He was at a loss of words.
"I don't know why or what happened, but I do know you've never looked at me the way you looked at that Minho guy. You don't have to tell me, but I want you t know that I like you, Taemin, so much that I don't care if we're a couple or friends. Let's just both try to be happy, okay?"
He felt like the worlds biggest douche bag. Krystal was too good for him. She was too understanding. He hated it and yet he knew that was why he loved her the way he did. It may not have been in the way he was supposed to, but he loved her and he hated that.
He brought his hand to his face, "I'm sorry." Honestly, he felt like he could cry again.
"Hey," she said coming close and wrapping her arms around him, "it's okay."
He leaned on her shoulder and wrapped his arms around her.
"Taemin?" Krystal said after several moments of silence.
"Yeah?" his voice croaked a little.
"Do you think you could tell me some time? The whole story from before you got here to now?"
He squeezed her a little tighter, "I promised I will, Krystal."
When he finally left, Krystal cried for the very first time in a long while.
~
Krystal had been told all her life that she was beautiful. When she asked Jessica what that meant in their younger years, her sister told her it meant men gave you stuff for free and women loathed you from afar (or not so afar, Krystal later realized). She learned from a young age that envy was a cruel thing to victims. No matter how much she tried to believe in karma and the golden rule, she never had friends. It would sound vain to say this, and that was what they wanted, so she wouldn't dare give it to them, but the thought bounced around in her head as a constant reminder that she would only ever be seen for this and this alone. She was too beautiful.
She was ashamed to even think it. After all, she'd never thought herself even pretty until she was repeatedly told how beautiful she was. Until she was constantly stopped by men in the middle of the road and proposed to, young and old. Until that time in the bathroom where the girls cornered her and--it was all too much.She wanted to rip her face off. If this was what being pretty meant, she didn't want to be it.
She cried. She was pretty when she cried too, some guy had told her before he set off into a confession for how he felt about her beauty. He said it was her, but it wasn't her, jut her beauty.
She could never tell anyone. No one understood. No one would ever understand. She'd thought about killing herself a few times. She heard the beautiful were supposed to die young. She'd almost done it a couple of times, but it turned out she was a coward. She couldn't even off herself, so she imagined she deserved the torture, perhaps repenting for something in another life. She'd pretty much given up hope for salvation when her sister brought home a handsome stranger.
"this is my sister, Krystal," Jessica said, pointing lazily at Krystal who sat quietly, looking to the mysterious boy.
"Hi, Krystal. I'm Jonghyun. It's nice to meet you," he said boisterously and loud.
"Are you here to have sex with my sister?" Krystal asked bluntly.
Jessica rolled her eyes.
Jonghyun raised an eyebrow, "You're that easy?"
"Like you aren't," Jessica retorted, heading over to sit next to Krystal, "by the way, thanks, Krystal. I'm glad to know you think I'm easy."
"I meet a new guy more than once a week," was all Krystal said.
Jonghyun laughed, "your sister has you pinned, Jess."
"Yeah, whatever," Jessica said, brushing off the topic, "anyway, I'll be right back."
Jessica left and that left Jonghyun and Krystal to sit silently across from each other.
"So, why are you unhappy, Krystal?" Jonghyun asked out of the blue.
"About my sister bringing home new guys all the time?" she asked.
He let out a chuckle, "Well, I know that it's related, but I just meant generally."
"Why do you think I'm generally unhappy?"
He shrugged, "Just a feeling I get."
She was silent for a long while, but he didn't ask again or say anything else. It took a leap of faith, but Krystal felt that Jonghyun couldn't possibly be waiting to attack. Something bout him was too nice. "Have you ever..." she stopped. It sounded stupid, but she took a breath and started again, "Have you ever been bullied?"
He looked at her for a moment, really looked at her, and then laughed, "Bullied? Can't say that I have. No one is stupid enough to mess with me."
She got upset. Of course someone like Jonghyun would never get bullied. She wished she'd never asked, but then she noticed him staring.
He smiled, "you shouldn't worry so much, Krystal. You're a smart kid. You'll figure it out eventually."
She blinked, "smart?'
"Yeah," he confirmed, "smart... like, not stupid."
For the first time in her life, Krystal had been called a positive adjective other than beautiful. It all started a snowball effect from there. When Krystal started school again, Jonghyun defended her.
He was dragging her to a lunch table in the middle of the courtyard, face red-angry from the incident just now, and dragged her up to stand on the table with him. "Hey," he yelled and all conversation ceased, "I want to start this year off right so that no one gets hurt. You all know me and if you don't, you will. This is Krystal Jung. Some of you freshmen may know her, you all might also know her sister, Jessica Jung. Well, from here on out, if i hear either of them had to deal with crap from any of you, you will be answering to me. Is that clear?" Complete silence, "good. Let's have a great year, everyone."
Just like that, everyone got back to business.
Krystal was shocked, "Why did you...?"
"This is all I can do, sorry. You're going to meet someone amazing, Krystal, but this is all I can do for you."
She was speechless.
"Have a good year, kid," and he was gone.
Krystal wasn't harassed the rest of the day, or the next day, or the next day, or the next day. In fact, it wasn't until four days later that someone even spoke to her.
"Hey," it was a girl, so they couldn't be talking to her. She ignored it. "Hey!" the girl persisted.
"What?" Krystal looked up and asked.
It was a girl with small eyes and puffy cheeks. "You're the girl who was with Jonghyun-oppa, right?"
Krystal stared for a moment before a hesitant, "yes."
The girl squealed in delight. "Can you introduce us? Honestly, I'm new here before I was home-schooled all my life until this year, but I know a hottie when I see one and I have to know him."
Krystal was a little skeptical, but couldn't help but smile. The girl was cute. "sure, I'll introduce you."
The girl squealed again, "Thank you times 3! Oh my god, thank you, ... uh... Krystal?"
"Yeah," Krystal smiled again, "What's your name?"
"I'm Sulli," the cute girl smiled.
Suddenly, the teacher burst into a spiel about too much chit-chat and the conversation was over.