(no subject)

[fiapadington]

Would it be inappropriate 
to scream at the top of my lungs
to throw things
punch at walls 
rip pillows
to curse
to tell people off
to lash out
distroy
ruin
mame
wreck
abandon
ignore
hurt
oh so hurt

how do I convince myself that I matter
when my brain takes the actions of others
twists them around
then points at me and laughs
ha ha ha
stupid fool
YOU thought that you mattered
that they actually cared
fucking retard
words mean nothing
they come from the same place as 
spit

I feel so destructive
I want to tear off my skin
drive into oncoming traffic
smash everything in my reach
pull out my hair
make everyone close go far far away
I want you to hate me like I hate myself
take every wound and make it a
raw
open
bleeding 
sore