insignificant and small
I have been feeling less and less like me. aside from work, commuting, attwmpt at aleep and taking care of Dresden. I basically have nothing else happening for me. sure occasionally I see a movie. a family event but not much else.
I used to think friends would miss me when I wasn't there or couldn't make things. more and more it seems that is not the case...I have no creative outlet. no socialization. even when I do gwt to see people. they talk about game and I can't relate. I have nothing to contribute because I can't go. and thia just leaves me feeling more defeated and alone. cause it just reminds me what I am missing and losing out on and then drills home the idea that even when I get chances to talk to other adults I ha e nothing to talk about other then toddlers and work... both of which aren't me and aren't fullfilling my needs in what will help me and this flaling depression. I want to feel like corissa again. to be a person and worthwhile...have people want to hang out and see me. I don't want to have people read this because I don't want pity. fake gestures... but I had to fet this out...no one reads lj anymore it seems so it seems safe.
I love being a mom but. where did I go. I barely see verns life effected at all. he still goes does all the hobbies he's done before and in fact sure he has more fun cause I'm not there. probably why he hasn't tried to help me find sitters...I don't t know now I'm just spirali ng negativity. ..sigh
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