(no subject)
this is going to be a long ass entry.......
First off, lets start with dave. o man is that boy taking it in the ass, and we all know it. but whos to say that hes being dumb. cuz i surely wont. and i know hes not being dumb. it's just what love does to you. and being in love can be bad or good. let me tell you, there is no such thing as a fairy tale love story. because it just doesnt happen. you could give a girl the world and she would ask for the sun as well. and the same can go for a guy. a girl can put just as much effort to a guy. some say that love is blind. i would agree. because you dont see what it does to you. but the people around you see what it has done to you. and i see that in dave. and im sure others see it as well. Ive never talked so much with dave about one person in our entire friendship. the only problem is that its always bad. never a good talk. he's gone through some shit with this girl....correction....they have gone through some shit together. YES, WE ALL MAKE MISTAKES. NO1 IS PERFECT. but don't fucking say shit to him without some kind of purpose behind it. you cant tell some1 that you love them, knowing that that's how they feel as well, and then act like nothing is going on. that's just called being mis-leading....others would have different words to describe it, but im trying to be nice about it. we all know that toying with emotions are not fun to go through. and we have all experienced it somehow in our lifes. so why not learn from experience and better yourself. wouldnt it just be a whole lot easier if we could say the things that we wanted to say and not fucking beat around the bush with it. being straight forward just seems the most senseable......
NO1 WANTS TO WAIT IN VAIN FOR LOVE
for those of you who dont know what that means. it basically means that no1 wants to sit around and wait for some1 to love them only to find out that it was pointless and they never will love you back. no, nobody wants to do that at all. yet, we all do it. we are all guilty for it. maybe not to the extent to love. but the feelings were strong enough. we have all had at least one person that we have waited to be with, or waited to be loved by, or whatever the case. and then what happens.....nothing. and you are heart broken. and maybe you cry, maybe you ignore it. whatever the case, you feel like shit. and you blame yourself for being such an idiot and that you wish you werent so blind. it always takes that step back for you to see what actually was going on. we all cant wear our rose colored glasses forever.
i myself am guilty for it. we all know the whole chrissy markey thing. and i thought that girl was just a gift from heaven or something. and it took me 2 damn years to tell her that i liked her. and i was all cute about it and i gave her 4 short stem roses and basically puored out my heart. and i thought it was good because she was all smiley and teary eyed. and that moment was just amazing. only to find out that she would give me the hook anfd drag me all over after the fact. all you had to say was "i have a date for the prom." dont leave somebody hanging. because that is one of the worst feelings in the world.
here's some advice:
dont tell some1 they are beautiful when you know that they have feelings for you, and you have no intentions. thats just like building false hope. like waking up to the smell of cinnabuns only to find out that its a damn candle.
if you like some1, then tell them. life is too short to not take chances. and dont listen to your friends about shit like this. if you like her/him, then you like them. your friends are critics, yes. but dont let them convince you that you dont like that person....Only listen to your friends about this stuff when you are stupidfied by this person and all you can think about is this person. because obviously you arent thinking straight, making decision making skewed. and you may decide to start a relationship with some1 who has used you in the past and you just sat there and did nothing about it and just came back for more.
"i like him"
"ewwwwww, that guy is so dumb. i dont like him. he says stupid things"
dont read into any of that shit. if you like them then you like them. this is for guys and girls.
I just wish there wasnt so much crap when it comes to all the guy/girl stuff.
if we were all straight forward, it would just make it more easy, and not so many hearts would be wearing bandades.
dont fucking lead on. i hate that. every1 hates that. and its like a big ass let down. nearly the last 5 years of my life have been a gigantic lead on; with me believing that something good may occur. but it's just been a let down.
As far as ppl saying that i never cared....lemme rephrase that....As far as SOME1 saying that i never cared. YOU KNOW THAT IS BULLSHIT. so put those words back in your mouth, eat them, and shit out a big ass FUCK YOU! if you wanna go ahead and "make your own mistakes" then be my guest. but if you never listen to any1 then that's all your life is going to be is a bunch of mistakes. so dont say i never cared. and dont say john never cared, because WE ALL KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT. and dont say none of us cared. cuz you know its not true. so go ahead and lose your good friends for no good reason.....because now all you do is dedicate your time to him. and i know im going to read your journal and you are going o be pouting because he is miles and miles away. and eventually, you will take a step back and say "wow, i was a fucking idiot." and then i will laugh because of the fact that you lost some of your best friends over a boy and over the fact that i was drunk one night. wow......thats all i gotta say about that. im really sad that i lost both or your friendships. and for one of you it's easy to do , because you are miles away. but for YOU, the one who used to talk to me about all the shit on my mind, and the one who would tell me anything on your mind.....it's not going to be easy. you will be truly missed as a great friend. and when that day comes and you realize what you lost, give me a call. because i would love to go back to talking again...
I feel so empty and worthless. i miss my dad so much. and its almost 5 years. 5 years in march. I just feel like i have no1. which isnt true. but its just how i feel. and i dont know what to do. i have so much respect for being the "strong" person. and so much respect for going through what i did. but i dont want that kind of respect, it hurts so much. i hate the fact that i cant cry in front of people without feeling like a jackass. its just not possible for me. i cant cry in front of ppl. the only time i do that is when too much builds up at once and i just cant handle it anymore. i just wish for once that things would be ok. just one day when my step dad isnt an asshole. i fucking hate him so much. and he hates me just as much back. every chance he gets; he wants to kick me out of the house. even for stupid shit like not having a clean room. what the fuck man? this isnt the army, we dont get up at 5am and do 100 pushups and situps. stop trying to make me be you. because i will never be that. you dont like me so much because it kills you to know that I AM NOT YOUR FUCKING SON! im not going to listen to your idiotc view points, no. and yes, i will stand up for myself and the way i think. and you can go ahead and make gay jokes about me because i dyed my hair. and you can also pretend that i dont hear it. fucking wake up you asshole. we live in 2003, not 1933. so fuck off. o, and the next time you decide to blame me for possibly getting a divorce, you can expect a big ass middle finger from me. becuse that's not fucking kool. take your head out of your ass for once and see the damn light. maybe if you werent stuck on yourself all the time, you could actually stop and listen to others.
I'm so happy that im going to start seeing my shrink again. because i need it.
first session is at 11 today. its been 3-4 years.
i miss you dad
feel free to comment...
-Mike-
First off, lets start with dave. o man is that boy taking it in the ass, and we all know it. but whos to say that hes being dumb. cuz i surely wont. and i know hes not being dumb. it's just what love does to you. and being in love can be bad or good. let me tell you, there is no such thing as a fairy tale love story. because it just doesnt happen. you could give a girl the world and she would ask for the sun as well. and the same can go for a guy. a girl can put just as much effort to a guy. some say that love is blind. i would agree. because you dont see what it does to you. but the people around you see what it has done to you. and i see that in dave. and im sure others see it as well. Ive never talked so much with dave about one person in our entire friendship. the only problem is that its always bad. never a good talk. he's gone through some shit with this girl....correction....they have gone through some shit together. YES, WE ALL MAKE MISTAKES. NO1 IS PERFECT. but don't fucking say shit to him without some kind of purpose behind it. you cant tell some1 that you love them, knowing that that's how they feel as well, and then act like nothing is going on. that's just called being mis-leading....others would have different words to describe it, but im trying to be nice about it. we all know that toying with emotions are not fun to go through. and we have all experienced it somehow in our lifes. so why not learn from experience and better yourself. wouldnt it just be a whole lot easier if we could say the things that we wanted to say and not fucking beat around the bush with it. being straight forward just seems the most senseable......
NO1 WANTS TO WAIT IN VAIN FOR LOVE
for those of you who dont know what that means. it basically means that no1 wants to sit around and wait for some1 to love them only to find out that it was pointless and they never will love you back. no, nobody wants to do that at all. yet, we all do it. we are all guilty for it. maybe not to the extent to love. but the feelings were strong enough. we have all had at least one person that we have waited to be with, or waited to be loved by, or whatever the case. and then what happens.....nothing. and you are heart broken. and maybe you cry, maybe you ignore it. whatever the case, you feel like shit. and you blame yourself for being such an idiot and that you wish you werent so blind. it always takes that step back for you to see what actually was going on. we all cant wear our rose colored glasses forever.
i myself am guilty for it. we all know the whole chrissy markey thing. and i thought that girl was just a gift from heaven or something. and it took me 2 damn years to tell her that i liked her. and i was all cute about it and i gave her 4 short stem roses and basically puored out my heart. and i thought it was good because she was all smiley and teary eyed. and that moment was just amazing. only to find out that she would give me the hook anfd drag me all over after the fact. all you had to say was "i have a date for the prom." dont leave somebody hanging. because that is one of the worst feelings in the world.
here's some advice:
dont tell some1 they are beautiful when you know that they have feelings for you, and you have no intentions. thats just like building false hope. like waking up to the smell of cinnabuns only to find out that its a damn candle.
if you like some1, then tell them. life is too short to not take chances. and dont listen to your friends about shit like this. if you like her/him, then you like them. your friends are critics, yes. but dont let them convince you that you dont like that person....Only listen to your friends about this stuff when you are stupidfied by this person and all you can think about is this person. because obviously you arent thinking straight, making decision making skewed. and you may decide to start a relationship with some1 who has used you in the past and you just sat there and did nothing about it and just came back for more.
"i like him"
"ewwwwww, that guy is so dumb. i dont like him. he says stupid things"
dont read into any of that shit. if you like them then you like them. this is for guys and girls.
I just wish there wasnt so much crap when it comes to all the guy/girl stuff.
if we were all straight forward, it would just make it more easy, and not so many hearts would be wearing bandades.
dont fucking lead on. i hate that. every1 hates that. and its like a big ass let down. nearly the last 5 years of my life have been a gigantic lead on; with me believing that something good may occur. but it's just been a let down.
As far as ppl saying that i never cared....lemme rephrase that....As far as SOME1 saying that i never cared. YOU KNOW THAT IS BULLSHIT. so put those words back in your mouth, eat them, and shit out a big ass FUCK YOU! if you wanna go ahead and "make your own mistakes" then be my guest. but if you never listen to any1 then that's all your life is going to be is a bunch of mistakes. so dont say i never cared. and dont say john never cared, because WE ALL KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT. and dont say none of us cared. cuz you know its not true. so go ahead and lose your good friends for no good reason.....because now all you do is dedicate your time to him. and i know im going to read your journal and you are going o be pouting because he is miles and miles away. and eventually, you will take a step back and say "wow, i was a fucking idiot." and then i will laugh because of the fact that you lost some of your best friends over a boy and over the fact that i was drunk one night. wow......thats all i gotta say about that. im really sad that i lost both or your friendships. and for one of you it's easy to do , because you are miles away. but for YOU, the one who used to talk to me about all the shit on my mind, and the one who would tell me anything on your mind.....it's not going to be easy. you will be truly missed as a great friend. and when that day comes and you realize what you lost, give me a call. because i would love to go back to talking again...
I feel so empty and worthless. i miss my dad so much. and its almost 5 years. 5 years in march. I just feel like i have no1. which isnt true. but its just how i feel. and i dont know what to do. i have so much respect for being the "strong" person. and so much respect for going through what i did. but i dont want that kind of respect, it hurts so much. i hate the fact that i cant cry in front of people without feeling like a jackass. its just not possible for me. i cant cry in front of ppl. the only time i do that is when too much builds up at once and i just cant handle it anymore. i just wish for once that things would be ok. just one day when my step dad isnt an asshole. i fucking hate him so much. and he hates me just as much back. every chance he gets; he wants to kick me out of the house. even for stupid shit like not having a clean room. what the fuck man? this isnt the army, we dont get up at 5am and do 100 pushups and situps. stop trying to make me be you. because i will never be that. you dont like me so much because it kills you to know that I AM NOT YOUR FUCKING SON! im not going to listen to your idiotc view points, no. and yes, i will stand up for myself and the way i think. and you can go ahead and make gay jokes about me because i dyed my hair. and you can also pretend that i dont hear it. fucking wake up you asshole. we live in 2003, not 1933. so fuck off. o, and the next time you decide to blame me for possibly getting a divorce, you can expect a big ass middle finger from me. becuse that's not fucking kool. take your head out of your ass for once and see the damn light. maybe if you werent stuck on yourself all the time, you could actually stop and listen to others.
I'm so happy that im going to start seeing my shrink again. because i need it.
first session is at 11 today. its been 3-4 years.
i miss you dad
feel free to comment...
-Mike-