The Fandom High Times, Volume 7, 7th Edition SPECIAL
FROM THE EDITOR'S DESK
With the recent appearance of small children and teenaged children of our Fandom neighbors, we here at the Fandom High Times wanted to give you everyone something they could use to entertain and occupy the little ones for even a few minutes so you can take a breather. You're welcome, unwitting parents!
And for the children, we hope you have fun and maybe even learn a few things with this special issue of the Fandom High Times: Fandom Highlights for Future Children.
A WELCOME (AND FAREWELL) TO FANDOM
by Lucrezia Borgia
Welcome to Fandom, all newcomers who have come here for this very special weekend. Many of you have surprised us. Some of you were anticipated, even longed for. A number of you are thoroughly unconventional. A few have broken our hearts, in way you would never expect or could not possibly understand.
Pray do not take our confusion, our fears, or our uncertainty as signs that we love any less. We are blessed to find you here, in our midst. You were sent for a purpose, although that purpose may prove as simple as allowing us the chance look upon your faces. Some day, you may understand what a generous gift that can be.
What purpose has this served, for all of you? I find myself less sure of that, but I know in my heart there is one. Perhaps you are simply to see and understand Divine Wisdom; how it was that you came to be, and how easily your life may have been other than it was. Perhaps you are given a chance for insight into an aspect of your loving parents that you had never seen before. Perhaps I am the wrong one to ask, and it is your wisdom we should consult, not mine.
As you leave us, know that we would keep you, if we could. Know that you take our love with you. That is no small thing, to carry such immense love across space and time. Use that love to keep you warm at night. Use it to secure the feathers upon your wings. Use it to make us proud, but know, always, that you already have.
Lastly, good bye. You have left us too soon, but we shall never forget you.
HOW TO DRAW: A GREMLIN
by Dave Nelson
Step 1:
Draw an oval for the body and another oval for the head.
Step 2:
Go to art school, buy a book on drawing gremlins and read it, or have God-given talent at drawing supernatural pests.
Step 3:
Add some detail using your learned or natural abilities.
Step 4:
You have a gremlin! But watch out. It just might come to life and bite you.
No, seriously, it could probably happen.
SPOT THE DIFFERENCES
by FHT Staff
Spot 6 differences between the two images of Fandom High! Answers are below.
#1:
#2:
HOW TO GET INTO COLLEGE
by Annie Edison
From what I understand there are children in town this weekend! Welcome, all of you! While you're hrere, I thought that I'd give you some advice that is very relevant to my life right now, and will also apply to underclassmen.
How to get into college.
1. Study hard. If you don't have the brains, you're not getting in. If you have to spend all of your free time working on homework or giving yourself projects for extra credit, do it. Practice your application essays. Take SAT classes. Take the P-SATs! I don't mean you should give up your social life or anything. Just anytime you don't have school or work or friends to deal with, study.
2. Suck up. No, I'm not kidding. People might call you a teacher's pet, but if they give you a good reference letter, it'll all be worth if when you get into Harvard and others didn't.
3. Remember extracurriculars! Whether it be clubs or radio or volunteering for charity, schools love to see that you're spending your time being active and giving back to the community.
4. Have money. No really, college costs a lot of money.
5. Be sane. I cannot stress this enough. And if you are going to lose your mind at any point in time, do it somewhere that they can't have a very public record of it that will ruin anything you did from steps 1-4.
Do these things and you won't be a total failure! You don't want to be a total failure. Trust me.
AN A-MAZE-ING MAZE
by FHT Staff
COLORING TIME
by FHT Staff
Color in Mr Panda! Remember to color between the lines, so you can show your parents how good you are at staying inside strict rules.
SPOT THE DIFFERENCES ANSWERS
by FHT Staff
1. All of the boys in class are girls in #1. In #2, all the girls are boys.
2. In #1, the students in Ethics have droid babies. In #2, the droid babies have taken the class over.
3. Fandom is located in its proper location in Maryland in #1. In #2, it is in Iceland, near Reykjavik.
4. In #1, gremlins are plotting a massive strike on the teachers. In #2, the teachers are plotting a work strike until they get better coffee in the break room.
5. Judging by the way the sunlight strikes, it is 11:05 AM in #1. In #2, it is 1:34 PM. And the passage of time changes all things.
6. In #1, everyone has normal colored hair. In #2, everyone's hair is bright pink for some inexplicable reason.
Cocoa Pin-Up
credits:
editor: Dave Nelson
words: Lucrezia Borgia, Annie Edison, Dave Nelson
pictures: So many people from Fandom High Times past and free stock art sites on the internet
adviser: Jaye Tyler
Questions? Concerns? Got a hot tip? Send a letter to the editor: letters.fhightimes@fandomhigh.edu!
Want to promote your business and support the newspaper? Contact our ad department!