THE FANDOM HIGHTIMES: FOURTEENTH EDITION!
RORY SPEAKS:
Okay, I'm a little hesitant to publish this in something that authority figures could, at some point, read, but here goes. So, Fandom doesn't have a drinking age, and this contributes to the large inebriation of the populace. Any wish to drown your sorrows can be granted with a quick trip to Caritas.
I have what I believe to be a genius idea: in order to order a drink, you must relinquish your cellphone. The temptation to dial is magnified at least tenfold with a drink in one's system. And drunk-dialing, while amusing, can have lasting impacts you wouldn't expect. Not that I speak from experience.
STUCO REPORT
by Peter Parker
Surprise, suurprise, it was all about Prom. Organization, posters, and other forms of promming were discussed.
That was easy.
LEARN TO SPEAK AL BHED
by Rikku
Welcome to another week of Learn to Speak Al Bhed!!! How did you do on last week's quiz?!? I hope you did great!!!
No quiz this week, we're back to learning to speak Al Bhed!! Just like it says in the title!!!
My Godhand is a legendary ancient weapon.
So Kutryht ec y makahtyno yhleahd faybuh.
(It totally is, too!!)
Professor Deadpool is the best mentor ever.
Bnuvaccun Deadpool ec dra pacd sahdun ajan.
Oops, I do not think that was supposed to happen.
Uubc, E tu hud drehg dryd fyc cibbucat du rybbah.
Saving the world is not always fun.
Cyjehk dra funmt ec hud ymfyoc vih.
I am very glad that you are not actually crazy.
E ys jano kmyt dryd oui yna hud yldiymmo lnywo.
That's all for this week! If you want more Al Bhed, you'll have to come find me and speak some! Caa oui haqd desa! (See you next time!)
PROM NIGHT DANGERS
by Peter Parker this was always included in the paper omg
With the big upperclass dance days away, we here at the Fandom Hightimes felt that it would be a good idea to take a moment and make sure that everyone was well-prepared on how best to be safe during - and after - prom. We also felt that it was only responsible to do it in a Top Ten list.
10. Flying heels. Girls, be careful with your pointy shoes of death. If a heel breaks at just the right angle with just the right amount of force, it could go flying and impale somebody. That will ruin their night. Also, you will be leaning for the rest of the night.
9. The word "prom" backwards. If you say "Morp" three times while standing in front of a mirror, a pixie of some sort will rush out of the mirror, give you a big kiss on the cheek, and leave a pimple that is approximaately the size of the pixie. The pimple will explode within forty-eight hours, destroying all in its wake.
8. Tuxedos. It is a little known fact that the reason tuxedos received that name is because they were originally made from torpedo duds. They were "ex-torpedoes" shortened to "tuxedos." In honor of their heritage, one out of every five thousand tuxedos explodes when water hits it.
7. My dancing. I apologize if you get elbowed in the face. It's nothing personal.
6. FACULTY, PLEASE DO NOT READ THIS POINT: Chaperones. Watch them carefully. They're doing the same to you. This way maybe you can creep them out. FACULTY, YOU CAN LOOK NOW.
5. Spiked punch. And I don't mean punch with alcohol in it. No, I mean punch with actual spikes in it. It'll happen eventually. Beware it just in case.
4. Monsters. They're going to end up in a dance eventually. You know it, I know it.
3. Underclassmen. They may rebel and attack us.
2. Ninjas.
1. Prom Knight. No, not prom night. There are pamphlets that tell you why you should beware prom nights. I'm talking about the guy in armor who wanders the prom trying to get girls to dance with him even though he's on a horse. Horses don't dance well, for the record, and he doesn't leave his horse. Also, he's a jerk. You should hate him.
You should now be completely prepared for a magical evening. Unless you're going for a really magical evening. In that case you should check those pamphlets. The clinic probably has plenty of them.
For this week, we've taken a slightly more ascetic, mystical approach. We meditated long and hard about your sign and a vision came to us, a vision of a single word which so perfectly sums up your fortunes for the week that it alone must serve as your horoscope.
We do not offer any explanation, as to do so would hamper some of the possible interpretations of this Word of Power. (Not to be confused with Microsoft Word, which is usually powerless.)
As to the rumor that we were running very late this week and just scribbled some words on scraps of paper and pulled them out of a hat: frankly, we're offended.
Please enjoy this week's mystical horoscopes!
ARIES (March 21-April 19): Mask.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Shadows.
GEMINI (May 21-June 21): Clouds.
CANCER (June 22-July 22):Light.
LEO (July 23-August 22): Cranberry.
VIRGO (August 23-September 22): Triangle.
LIBRA (September 23-October 22): Flowers.
SCORPIO (October 23-November 21): Wings.
SAGITTARIUS (November 22-December 21): Clock.
CAPRICORN (December 22-January 19): Green.
AQUARIUS (January 20-February 18): Melody.
PISCES (February 19-March 20):Tacos.
BONUS WORD: Yarn.
We hope these words give enlightenment to your week.
Coffee Pin-Up
credits:
editor: Rory Gilmore
words: Rory Gilmore, Peter Parker, Rikku, Alanna Trebond
pictures: The fabulous Chloe Sullivan, the humble Rory Gilmore, and the magnificent Google
coffee pin-up: http://typo.coffeehaus.com/archives/Mousse.gif