THE FANDOM HIGHTIMES: SUMMER NEWSLETTER EDITION - THIRD ISSUE!
An Involuntary Moment (or 2, 880) of Silence
by Alanna Trebond
Ever gone an entire day without saying a word? Yeah, me neither. But last weekend every student, townie, teacher, and office worker on the island got to find out what it feels like to be mute for two days. What was the cause of this strange disease? Apparently, it was the Gentlemen. These…creatures came to our island in order to collect hearts and so that their victims couldn’t cry out for help, they also stole our voices. A few students from the school were injured during the attack as were a few of the townies who helped hunt down and kill these monsters. Sunday night, everyone was back to their usually talkative selves because as student Dawn Summers says "Mute evil creepy floating guys suck." And I couldn’t agree more. Especially since my handwriting is atrocious.
Farewell to the Land of Idontgiveacrap
By Peter Parker
Doctor Perry Cox, one of Fandom High's newest workshop instructors, came to Fandom for one simple reason: he hated his last home. He was recently a colleague of fellow workshop instructor Elliot Reid at California's Sacred Heart Hospital. His arrival in Fandom is not related to Doctor Reid's time here, though. By his own admision, het happened to be where he ended up and could find a job.
Doctor Cox's workshop, How to Win Friends and Impress People, is an attempt to "spread the enlightenment of what being a suck-up can do to a person's soul," given a more gentle name so he "could rescue these poor suckers [his students] before they are crushed by some malignant personality." While his tone, conversational skills, and overall demeanor may give the impression that he hates everyone, upon closer inspection it seems like there's a part of him that truly wants to hate everyone just a little less.
Doctor Cox has also been putting in some time at the FTEC, working Monday shifts. Despite some clashes with clinic head Tommy Gavin, who has been described as "A HORSE'S ASS AND THE DEVIL COMBINED INTO ONE"* he has shown relative warmth for his coworkers, going so far as to call them "pretty decent."
Doctor Cox is considering returning in the fall to teach Anatomy.
*Editor's note: Cox requested that we include that quote in large, block letters. His views on Mr. Gavin do not reflect those of this publication, its editor, or presumably any of its reporters. Please consider it a request made on behalf of a pair of men clearly in need of counseling and think no poorer of the Fandom Hightimes for it.
FH Office: Forms and Squirrels
By Angela Chase
In a school like Fandom High, the weird runs everywhere -- including into the main office.
The office boasts a large staff that includes a gremlin, an alien from venus, skeletons that fill in on holidays, and even a squirrel, as well as humans. In charge of residential issues is Fred Trooper, who serves as a sort of office spokesman. "The other workers like to have me up front. Seeing a soldier in armor keeps students from going back and talking to them. They don't like talking to people. They're like small woodland creatures," he explained.
Fred said the funniest thing to ever happen in the office was when "three workers wore mittens and had issues with their phones."
The most important thing for students to know about the office: Remember to fill out the proper forms, Fred says. He's made more than 105 of them, including one on Using a Large Turtle to Carry a Rock. Stop by and see if they have a form for whatever you have in mind.
Coffee Pin-up
credits:
editor: Rory Gilmore
words: Angela Chase, Peter Parker, Alanna Trebond
comic: Ranma Saotome
pictures: The fabulous Chloe Sullivan, the magnificent Google, and the humble Rory Gilmore
coffee pin-up: http://www.1369coffeehouse.com/iced_coffee_beans.jpg