WTFH, Friday, 7/31
The nightly radio broadcast began with a cheery, bouncy tune:
Squirrels. All we really are is Squirrels. We're being hunted we are Squirrels. We are appealing we are Squirrels.
We want to gather nuts. But, people splatter our guts. When they're on a country drive. It isn't easy to survive.
Back in the other day, I saw a squirrel get blown away. They served him on a dinner tray. They baked him into a souffle. Squirrel season opens up today. If you're a squirrel run away. I don't know what I should say. Please call the A.S.P.C.A.
Fur coats from us are made. Fur is nice but, I like suede. They scrape our fur off with a blade. And never bother with first aid. We squirrels really like to play. And we like to catch some rays. Please don't kill us this we pray. We're cute and harmless anyway.
Squirrels! We're not delicious. Squirrels! We are not raccoons. Squirrels! Don't live in palm trees. Squirrels! Or in your bathrooms. Squirrels! That's all we really are is squirrels. Isn't it fine I am a squirrel. Please help us save us. We are squirrels.
BELTHAZOR: What the hell? I'm a couple minutes late and you decide you're DJs? Get off the board and give me the notes or we'll see how many fireballs it takes to get to the center of a squirrel. I'm guessing one.
Good evening, vampires and vampiresses and all the little humans who like to pretend they don't listen. It's my night to bring you the news from across the island, or, as I like to call it, Fandom High, the drinking game. Every time someone emos, take a shot. Every time someone's injured, take a shot. Every time someone's killed, take a shot. We'll start with the daytime hours.
Over at the cafeteria -- I mean the dorms, the lobby was buzzing with activity. Seems Helen got hurt -- take a shot -- so Samuel kisses it and makes it better. Savannah's smoking and wibbling at Sean -- shot -- about her boyfriend catting around with vampires. Sure, Johnny, tell her that you were "fighting" them, she'll believe it.
Boring, boring, boring, Annja and Triela discuss how the new kids are stupid. Like any of you are brain trusts, or you would've figured a way out of here by now. Oh, now this is better. Poor Rose is waiting for Logan to come home and talks to Mary and Helen. Hope you didn't wait up all night for Logan, Rose. He was busy getting the crap beat out of him. And take a shot for good measure.
Piper -- hi, Piper! Miss you! -- asks Isabel and Chloe about Raven's whereabouts. I could tell you, butthat'd be a spoiler. Zero is in shock and Isabel tries to get her to eat. Awww, what's wrong, Zero? Boyfriend get splattered or something? Take a shot! Jen's losing her grip, too, and tells Derek she walked away from a fight last night. Smart girl. Derek's also working on fortifications for the dorms. Stupid boy, like that's gonna work.
Jo pops in and she's awfully confused for some reason. I'll give you one hint why: hair color. Speaking of dumb blondes, Parker wants to know why Isabel was talking to my girl Veronica. Maybe they'll kiss. That'd be hot. Isabel and Veronica, I mean, not Parker. That'd be vomit-inducing.
Lulu wants a break because she fed a vampire last night. Oooh, blood whore, we've got a place for you in town. Parker fills Triela in on a spell. Spell? What spell? Aww, you kids playing with magic again? Didn't Logan get turned into a bunny last time you tried that?
Two of my Oh So Very Favorite People, Parker and Anakin talk about what's going on, and Anakin wants to know why he's on a list. Because it's a list of jackasses, jackass. That's why. Claire brings Alex down -- I hear she's good at that. Oh, wait, brings him down to talk to Parker because he's confused like Jo. Like talking to Parker will make anything clearer. Emma Frost tells Parker she's not Emma anymore. From now on, she will be Lady Gaga.
What else... Irulan brings Parker some berries and they discuss why people keep going out alone. Because they're stupid, that's why. Don't you people know there are vampires out there? And here I thought this school had standards. Karla asksTriela if she's seen Raven, and that would be a no. Isabel demonstrates that she's a coffee maker from outer space and offers some to Robin. Ronon avoids and Murdock checks out the scorecard on the lobby wall, and Yakko makes his way through the lobby in a kayak.
What?
Behind closed doors, which cannot stop our squirrelly minions, Murdock's fallen off the wagon. Lee " ruminates," which I think is just a fancy word for emos, so take a shot. Arthur is all depressed and won't get out of bed, not even when Francine comes by with their love child. Awww, poor Artie's all upset about losing his wizard boy toy, huh? That's what happens when you don't keep them indoors. And take another shot.
Lindsay -- not Lindsey -- wakes up with Tony and pretends she doesn't know him to get him out of bed. Chuck gets ready for a dinner date, so to speak, and Toby gives him a message. Lady Gaga wakes up and tells Triela she hates the school. Come live in town, babe, we got room. Hurley wakes up with a naked girl, akaHoshi, and has no clue what to do with her. That's just sad. Take a drink, he should be emoing after that.
Alex wakes up yelling and won't shut up until Claire takes him to Parker. Hurley talks to himself, probably practicing for the next time he's confronted by naked boobs. Fraser wakes up confused, too -- that seems to be going around. And last, but certainly not least, Tara plays with Baby Appetizer. I mean Hope.
Wait, now here it says that Tara's cooking stew. Where is the baby now? Where did they get fresh meat? I'll let you do the math. Rose tells Tara she ran into Veronica. I hope you made her cry, baby. Agnes stops by for some chili, as does WalMart -- Target? -- Shopco? -- oh, right, K-Mart, who wants to know what's in the chili. When the hell did this become the Food Network. Also, Rimmer cleans the kitchen, and can we get one of those, too? Liir does the laundry, but somebody's always leaving blood all over the kitchen.
And here's where we get to the part of the game where we separate the men from the boys: the roof! Hannibal is up there with Claire for the first leg of the Emo Olympics. Claire and Triela talk about Flamerboy Johnny and how he's MIA. Mohinder tends the garden, Kerrigan talks to Algren about Harriet, and Triela agrees to help River with her hair. Priorities, people. Vam. Pires. Neck. Biting. Death. Oh, why should I complain, you're making it easier.
Over at the school, Ender is being all artistic with corpses in the library, which Leto seems to enjoy. Ben begs to differ, which makes Ender faint or something. Karla comes in to break up with Ender . Wow, he's having a rough day all around. But not as rough as Angela, because Junior Jedi Jackass cut her head off. Hear that, Marty? Anakin killed your girlfriend. That's just terrible. Take a drink for Marty, everyone. And chug for poor Angela. Tahiri's having a better day, at least.
All right, over to the fun part of the island. I got my girl a toy, but she seems to have misplaced it. I'm sure it'll turn up eventually. Tyler goes teal deer hunting, and for those of you playing "Where's Raven," why, she's playing with her new master, Max! Bet you didn't see that one coming. It's always the quiet ones. I think you'll need several shots for the games they were playing, if you know what I mean. Geoffrey goes to the theater with Sophie, and Gabrielle fails to take advantage of a rare sighting of a Psycho Bitch in the wild. Bad Gabrielle, no cookie for you tonight.
Over at vampire central, Eleanor was pimping. Primping! Naomi isn't quite sure where she is when she wakes up, so it's time for the Walk of Shame. Summer is ragey , must be Friday. Sam and Dean wake up naked and cuddling. Ah, brotherly love.
Out in the common area, Peyton wants John to punish her some more, so John suggests challenging Gavin. Rodney and John discuss Gavin versus Peyton as Peyton kicks Gavin. So he throws her into a wall. Ladies and gentlemen, we have a winner.
Zack chews on a red rubber ball. Put that back, Zack, Deadpool needs that. Kate talks to him about her fun night with Liir. I hope it wasn't just doing laundry, unless that's a new code word. Maron wants to know if Zack's got more balls. Alex recommends gnawing onDeadpool if Zack is so hungry, and again I say where do you think he got the ball?
Tyler asks Zoe for permission to make a supply run, and you'd better be bringing me something. You know what I like. Jamie talks to a pile of bones, and I don't think Kirk's gonna be pleased to hear what you've done to his BFF. Ned comes upstairs and I quote "looking a little stiff." He walks off with Liir, so hopefully that stiffness will be taken care of. "Doing laundry." Dinah and Griff are making secret plots together. Eleanor bitches at Dinah; Meg just lounges, but she does it so well; Kate reads magna, and I get it's hentai ; Anemone and Dinah sing to each other; and Sookie makes with the loungingness, too.
Down in the basement, Jo-the-Meg-Wannabe is tied to a pole, but Sam Winchester comes down to untie her. I bet he wants to share her with Dean. Those boys are so close, if you know what I mean. Ned wakes up, presumably all stiff like he was when he came upstairs. And it looks like somebody better beef up security, because Cable sprang himself and the buffet. Someone want to get a cheerleader to replace him?
Now, on to the night life, the best part of the day.
The Cafeteria is open for business. In the lobby, Jen is on list duty. Triela is guarding the door and gets all cranky when Raven finally comes home from her S&M session with Max. Claire waits for Peter, and when he shows up she...oh, come on, who got blood on the notes again? And whose idea was it to turn one of the squirrels? I bet it was Jamie. And it was probably emo whatever it was, so take a drink.
Tara checks the list for new names, and Raven talks to her about wanting to help. Fraser checks out the lists. Parker makes a new list, to which Savannah, Raven, and Fraser add their names. What is with all these lists? Am I on the list? Are you on the list? Sounds like a tagline for a tv show or something. Oh, and Parker is getting ready to go out when Irulan starts acting weird.
Behind closed doors, Isabel leans out her window and that's just asking for a vamp visit. Instead she gets a Savannah, a Peter, and a Wyatt in that order. Awkwaaaard. Take a shot just in case. Marty cleans his guns, and I think that's not a metaphor.
Up on the roof -- take a shot! -- John has his rifle. I'm not sure if that one's a metaphor.
Outside, Claire and Peter run across Ned, but the squirrel didn't stick around to see how that turned out. Tyler is surprised to see Ned out and about. Piper is out patrolling and gets her unresolved sexual tension groove on with Veronica. And Lindsey. Wyatt's the other Halliwell on patrol, but he doesn't find any vampires, just a Hurley, who claims to have a message from poor dead Chris.
Zack and Leto go hunting, but Zack runs off with the prey. Someone never learned to share. Whiny Padawan killed Aeryn. Aww, man, she was hot, why'd you have to do that? Take a shot for Aeryn. Dinah runs into Leto and they have a spat, then Karla and Dinah have a chat. There's blood on the notes again so I'll just take a stab in the dark and say it was "I'm going to bite you in the neck and drink your blood" and "oh, no, you can't, for I will stake you!" blah blah blah.
Arthur finds Zack with his crying appetizer, and Zack apparently ditched the kid and ran. Way to go, Zack. Kate and Leto walk together for awhile, but Sookie turns down a ride with Yakko.
Chuck shows up for his date with John and kills him. Drink! Word is Sam witnessed this, but we'll get to that in a moment. Maron drinks blood and then starts screaming. What is it with people screaming today? Veronica runs into Junior Jedi Jackass, and she better be waiting for me to come home so she can tell me she kicked his ass.
Alex wanders around town, and sneaky little Meg tells Rodney John is dead. Iceboy and Harper made slushies out of Claire's blood. Alice summons Jen, Naomi wanders around aimlessly, Tyler stalks a newbie, and the Maxpire bags a teal deer. And in more tragic news, Captain Steve got himself killed by Tony. Take another shot for Steve.
Back at Town Hall, Lindsey visits Veronica, and I think I'm going to have to have a chat with him about that. GOB relaxes in the common area and chats with Alex about alcohol. The basement is empty, and whose fault is that?
And finally, in the big news of the day, Sam comes back looking for his brother, but before they can do something perverted and against the law in most countries, Zoe summons him. Sam's been a baaaaaaaaaaaad boy, and he gets Chuck for a present, except he has to break the present, which he does. Bye, Chuck! Guess you finally found the way off the island. I'm taking a shot for you right now.
[OMG YOU PEOPLE TALK TOO MUCH. Apologies for any bad coding or typoes, I'm half asleep and there is a cat noming on my shoulder. And I hope I didn't miss anything -- I tried to do a quick sweep after my fabulous squirrel sent me the links. *thud*
Just edited to fix the weird random spacing issues that smushed random words together wtf.]
Squirrels. All we really are is Squirrels. We're being hunted we are Squirrels. We are appealing we are Squirrels.
We want to gather nuts. But, people splatter our guts. When they're on a country drive. It isn't easy to survive.
Back in the other day, I saw a squirrel get blown away. They served him on a dinner tray. They baked him into a souffle. Squirrel season opens up today. If you're a squirrel run away. I don't know what I should say. Please call the A.S.P.C.A.
Fur coats from us are made. Fur is nice but, I like suede. They scrape our fur off with a blade. And never bother with first aid. We squirrels really like to play. And we like to catch some rays. Please don't kill us this we pray. We're cute and harmless anyway.
Squirrels! We're not delicious. Squirrels! We are not raccoons. Squirrels! Don't live in palm trees. Squirrels! Or in your bathrooms. Squirrels! That's all we really are is squirrels. Isn't it fine I am a squirrel. Please help us save us. We are squirrels.
BELTHAZOR: What the hell? I'm a couple minutes late and you decide you're DJs? Get off the board and give me the notes or we'll see how many fireballs it takes to get to the center of a squirrel. I'm guessing one.
Good evening, vampires and vampiresses and all the little humans who like to pretend they don't listen. It's my night to bring you the news from across the island, or, as I like to call it, Fandom High, the drinking game. Every time someone emos, take a shot. Every time someone's injured, take a shot. Every time someone's killed, take a shot. We'll start with the daytime hours.
Over at the cafeteria -- I mean the dorms, the lobby was buzzing with activity. Seems Helen got hurt -- take a shot -- so Samuel kisses it and makes it better. Savannah's smoking and wibbling at Sean -- shot -- about her boyfriend catting around with vampires. Sure, Johnny, tell her that you were "fighting" them, she'll believe it.
Boring, boring, boring, Annja and Triela discuss how the new kids are stupid. Like any of you are brain trusts, or you would've figured a way out of here by now. Oh, now this is better. Poor Rose is waiting for Logan to come home and talks to Mary and Helen. Hope you didn't wait up all night for Logan, Rose. He was busy getting the crap beat out of him. And take a shot for good measure.
Piper -- hi, Piper! Miss you! -- asks Isabel and Chloe about Raven's whereabouts. I could tell you, butthat'd be a spoiler. Zero is in shock and Isabel tries to get her to eat. Awww, what's wrong, Zero? Boyfriend get splattered or something? Take a shot! Jen's losing her grip, too, and tells Derek she walked away from a fight last night. Smart girl. Derek's also working on fortifications for the dorms. Stupid boy, like that's gonna work.
Jo pops in and she's awfully confused for some reason. I'll give you one hint why: hair color. Speaking of dumb blondes, Parker wants to know why Isabel was talking to my girl Veronica. Maybe they'll kiss. That'd be hot. Isabel and Veronica, I mean, not Parker. That'd be vomit-inducing.
Lulu wants a break because she fed a vampire last night. Oooh, blood whore, we've got a place for you in town. Parker fills Triela in on a spell. Spell? What spell? Aww, you kids playing with magic again? Didn't Logan get turned into a bunny last time you tried that?
Two of my Oh So Very Favorite People, Parker and Anakin talk about what's going on, and Anakin wants to know why he's on a list. Because it's a list of jackasses, jackass. That's why. Claire brings Alex down -- I hear she's good at that. Oh, wait, brings him down to talk to Parker because he's confused like Jo. Like talking to Parker will make anything clearer. Emma Frost tells Parker she's not Emma anymore. From now on, she will be Lady Gaga.
What else... Irulan brings Parker some berries and they discuss why people keep going out alone. Because they're stupid, that's why. Don't you people know there are vampires out there? And here I thought this school had standards. Karla asksTriela if she's seen Raven, and that would be a no. Isabel demonstrates that she's a coffee maker from outer space and offers some to Robin. Ronon avoids and Murdock checks out the scorecard on the lobby wall, and Yakko makes his way through the lobby in a kayak.
What?
Behind closed doors, which cannot stop our squirrelly minions, Murdock's fallen off the wagon. Lee " ruminates," which I think is just a fancy word for emos, so take a shot. Arthur is all depressed and won't get out of bed, not even when Francine comes by with their love child. Awww, poor Artie's all upset about losing his wizard boy toy, huh? That's what happens when you don't keep them indoors. And take another shot.
Lindsay -- not Lindsey -- wakes up with Tony and pretends she doesn't know him to get him out of bed. Chuck gets ready for a dinner date, so to speak, and Toby gives him a message. Lady Gaga wakes up and tells Triela she hates the school. Come live in town, babe, we got room. Hurley wakes up with a naked girl, akaHoshi, and has no clue what to do with her. That's just sad. Take a drink, he should be emoing after that.
Alex wakes up yelling and won't shut up until Claire takes him to Parker. Hurley talks to himself, probably practicing for the next time he's confronted by naked boobs. Fraser wakes up confused, too -- that seems to be going around. And last, but certainly not least, Tara plays with Baby Appetizer. I mean Hope.
Wait, now here it says that Tara's cooking stew. Where is the baby now? Where did they get fresh meat? I'll let you do the math. Rose tells Tara she ran into Veronica. I hope you made her cry, baby. Agnes stops by for some chili, as does WalMart -- Target? -- Shopco? -- oh, right, K-Mart, who wants to know what's in the chili. When the hell did this become the Food Network. Also, Rimmer cleans the kitchen, and can we get one of those, too? Liir does the laundry, but somebody's always leaving blood all over the kitchen.
And here's where we get to the part of the game where we separate the men from the boys: the roof! Hannibal is up there with Claire for the first leg of the Emo Olympics. Claire and Triela talk about Flamerboy Johnny and how he's MIA. Mohinder tends the garden, Kerrigan talks to Algren about Harriet, and Triela agrees to help River with her hair. Priorities, people. Vam. Pires. Neck. Biting. Death. Oh, why should I complain, you're making it easier.
Over at the school, Ender is being all artistic with corpses in the library, which Leto seems to enjoy. Ben begs to differ, which makes Ender faint or something. Karla comes in to break up with Ender . Wow, he's having a rough day all around. But not as rough as Angela, because Junior Jedi Jackass cut her head off. Hear that, Marty? Anakin killed your girlfriend. That's just terrible. Take a drink for Marty, everyone. And chug for poor Angela. Tahiri's having a better day, at least.
All right, over to the fun part of the island. I got my girl a toy, but she seems to have misplaced it. I'm sure it'll turn up eventually. Tyler goes teal deer hunting, and for those of you playing "Where's Raven," why, she's playing with her new master, Max! Bet you didn't see that one coming. It's always the quiet ones. I think you'll need several shots for the games they were playing, if you know what I mean. Geoffrey goes to the theater with Sophie, and Gabrielle fails to take advantage of a rare sighting of a Psycho Bitch in the wild. Bad Gabrielle, no cookie for you tonight.
Over at vampire central, Eleanor was pimping. Primping! Naomi isn't quite sure where she is when she wakes up, so it's time for the Walk of Shame. Summer is ragey , must be Friday. Sam and Dean wake up naked and cuddling. Ah, brotherly love.
Out in the common area, Peyton wants John to punish her some more, so John suggests challenging Gavin. Rodney and John discuss Gavin versus Peyton as Peyton kicks Gavin. So he throws her into a wall. Ladies and gentlemen, we have a winner.
Zack chews on a red rubber ball. Put that back, Zack, Deadpool needs that. Kate talks to him about her fun night with Liir. I hope it wasn't just doing laundry, unless that's a new code word. Maron wants to know if Zack's got more balls. Alex recommends gnawing onDeadpool if Zack is so hungry, and again I say where do you think he got the ball?
Tyler asks Zoe for permission to make a supply run, and you'd better be bringing me something. You know what I like. Jamie talks to a pile of bones, and I don't think Kirk's gonna be pleased to hear what you've done to his BFF. Ned comes upstairs and I quote "looking a little stiff." He walks off with Liir, so hopefully that stiffness will be taken care of. "Doing laundry." Dinah and Griff are making secret plots together. Eleanor bitches at Dinah; Meg just lounges, but she does it so well; Kate reads magna, and I get it's hentai ; Anemone and Dinah sing to each other; and Sookie makes with the loungingness, too.
Down in the basement, Jo-the-Meg-Wannabe is tied to a pole, but Sam Winchester comes down to untie her. I bet he wants to share her with Dean. Those boys are so close, if you know what I mean. Ned wakes up, presumably all stiff like he was when he came upstairs. And it looks like somebody better beef up security, because Cable sprang himself and the buffet. Someone want to get a cheerleader to replace him?
Now, on to the night life, the best part of the day.
The Cafeteria is open for business. In the lobby, Jen is on list duty. Triela is guarding the door and gets all cranky when Raven finally comes home from her S&M session with Max. Claire waits for Peter, and when he shows up she...oh, come on, who got blood on the notes again? And whose idea was it to turn one of the squirrels? I bet it was Jamie. And it was probably emo whatever it was, so take a drink.
Tara checks the list for new names, and Raven talks to her about wanting to help. Fraser checks out the lists. Parker makes a new list, to which Savannah, Raven, and Fraser add their names. What is with all these lists? Am I on the list? Are you on the list? Sounds like a tagline for a tv show or something. Oh, and Parker is getting ready to go out when Irulan starts acting weird.
Behind closed doors, Isabel leans out her window and that's just asking for a vamp visit. Instead she gets a Savannah, a Peter, and a Wyatt in that order. Awkwaaaard. Take a shot just in case. Marty cleans his guns, and I think that's not a metaphor.
Up on the roof -- take a shot! -- John has his rifle. I'm not sure if that one's a metaphor.
Outside, Claire and Peter run across Ned, but the squirrel didn't stick around to see how that turned out. Tyler is surprised to see Ned out and about. Piper is out patrolling and gets her unresolved sexual tension groove on with Veronica. And Lindsey. Wyatt's the other Halliwell on patrol, but he doesn't find any vampires, just a Hurley, who claims to have a message from poor dead Chris.
Zack and Leto go hunting, but Zack runs off with the prey. Someone never learned to share. Whiny Padawan killed Aeryn. Aww, man, she was hot, why'd you have to do that? Take a shot for Aeryn. Dinah runs into Leto and they have a spat, then Karla and Dinah have a chat. There's blood on the notes again so I'll just take a stab in the dark and say it was "I'm going to bite you in the neck and drink your blood" and "oh, no, you can't, for I will stake you!" blah blah blah.
Arthur finds Zack with his crying appetizer, and Zack apparently ditched the kid and ran. Way to go, Zack. Kate and Leto walk together for awhile, but Sookie turns down a ride with Yakko.
Chuck shows up for his date with John and kills him. Drink! Word is Sam witnessed this, but we'll get to that in a moment. Maron drinks blood and then starts screaming. What is it with people screaming today? Veronica runs into Junior Jedi Jackass, and she better be waiting for me to come home so she can tell me she kicked his ass.
Alex wanders around town, and sneaky little Meg tells Rodney John is dead. Iceboy and Harper made slushies out of Claire's blood. Alice summons Jen, Naomi wanders around aimlessly, Tyler stalks a newbie, and the Maxpire bags a teal deer. And in more tragic news, Captain Steve got himself killed by Tony. Take another shot for Steve.
Back at Town Hall, Lindsey visits Veronica, and I think I'm going to have to have a chat with him about that. GOB relaxes in the common area and chats with Alex about alcohol. The basement is empty, and whose fault is that?
And finally, in the big news of the day, Sam comes back looking for his brother, but before they can do something perverted and against the law in most countries, Zoe summons him. Sam's been a baaaaaaaaaaaad boy, and he gets Chuck for a present, except he has to break the present, which he does. Bye, Chuck! Guess you finally found the way off the island. I'm taking a shot for you right now.
[OMG YOU PEOPLE TALK TOO MUCH. Apologies for any bad coding or typoes, I'm half asleep and there is a cat noming on my shoulder. And I hope I didn't miss anything -- I tried to do a quick sweep after my fabulous squirrel sent me the links. *thud*
Just edited to fix the weird random spacing issues that smushed random words together wtf.]