past 4 months
I say a drink might help me sleep, I say
I don't sleep much at all these days, I say it's cold,
besides, I'm broken.
Hard as earth the love of the past,
the worth of the world has frozen
Still.
Like the sheet of ice collecting on the windshield of my car.
Where I caught my reflection frozen in the glass,
a perfect broken image of the future I'd envisioned in the past-
corrupted by fate now, fractured, and fading away.
Replace all I felt promised to me.
to be the one who figured it out,
who knew what to do,
who knew how to feel and
felt that
love of the past,
the worth of the world,
just set it ablaze and
thaw me out.
Dim lit in a room dark red, where I said,
"Can't seem to break off from the way I felt, but
I guess you understand, man. We had no chance.
I’m tired of fighting with the hand I’ve been dealt."
So, I take the cards they give me
And keep my protest on the inside of my mouth.
If the best I can do ain't gonna stop what's coming,
What's the point in trying to change how the hand plays out?
Don't we all just die?
When you looked at the light
Did it hurt your eyes?
When you looked at the light
Did it hurt you
Like it hurt me?
la dispute
...
I keep finding ways to push the good out for the bad
Oh, how selfish of myself to always say that it was more than I could take,
like it was pain I could not shake,
like it could break me with its fingers, throw my body in the lake,
and I would slowly sink away
but the Truth is it was sorrow that I made and would not face.
See, I keep falling for the future after tripping on the past.
And I am always tearing sutures out to make the anguish last like it defines me.
Or reminds me I've found comfort in my suffering
and uncertainty in happiness and death,
because what's next is such a mystery to me.
I am terrified of all the things I feel but cannot see.
Friends and family, put your hand into my hand and lay your head into my chest.
You are all that I have left here
We are all that we have left.
We are the lovers, We are the last of our kind.
Link your arms and keep your chin up
and I swear that we'll be fine.
We are the lovers, We are the last of our kind.
Though we're not sure who we are, we keep our heads up
though we're not sure where we're from, we keep our hearts up
though we're not sure when we'll leave, we keep our heads up
though we're not sure where we'll go, we keep our hopes up
Keep your head up. we're fine. Just keep your head up. I swear we'll be alright.
Keep your head up. Oh, my friends, keep your head up. and I swear we'll never die.
I swear we'll get home safe and sound, we'll live on underground
I will give your heart a place to rest when everything you had has turned and left.
I'll weave your names into my ribcage; lock your hearts inside my chest.
Regain the passion I once carried; do away with all the rest.
I tore the sickness from your bodies; smashed its head against the bricks.
I made a castle from its bones that you may always dwell in it.
So sing for every buried moment that you'd thought would never end.
And sing your fears about the future; and a dirge for faded friends.
For all the love that you had held to, why it somehow failed to keep.
And sing each minute you've been frightened; every hour that you've lost sleep
And sing for all your friends and family; sing for those who didn't survive.
But sing not for their final outcome; sing a song of how they tried.
We live amidst a violent storm; leaves us unsatisfied at best,
So fill your heart with what's important, and be done with all the rest.
We are what's left of what we once were
We are falling far behind.
There's so much stacking up against us and we're running out of time.
We are but hopeful children, and we're the last of our kind.
But if we let our hearts move outward, I know we will never-
la dispute
...
It must be true what people say, that only time can heal the pain.
And every single day I feel it fade away, but -
I still remember how the distance tricked us,
and lead us helpless by the wrist into a pit to be devoured.
I still remember how we held so strong to this,
though we had never really settled on a way out.
I still remember the silence, and how we'd always find a way
to turn and run to our mistakes.
I still remember how it all came back together just to fall apart again.
My dear, I hear your voice in mine.
I've been alone here, I've been afraid, my dear.
I've been at home here. You've been away for years. I've been alone.
I breathed your name into the air; I etched your name into me.
I felt my anger swelling; I swam into its sea.
I held your name inside my heart, but it got buried in my fear.
It tore the wiring of my brain; I did my best to keep it clear.
So, dear, no matter how we part, I hold you sweetly in my head.
And if I do not miss a part of you, a part of me is dead.
la dispute
...
You've got your fingers snared in my veins
I think it's time you pulled them out
and I don't care about the flesh it'll tear
it isn't flesh that I'm worried about.
We held a match to keep our sight on the path
but the flame gave up and we lost it
and I've knelt for the last three years
trying to find it back with the blackened matchstick.
Today I'm not afraid of failure
the past is a flower
the future, the snow
I wasn't ever close to perfect
But I never let you go
You let your doubt lead you like a river on and on
and you will never get back to save what you had
hear me promise
I will bury your problems in me
so sleep soundly
I held your heart in my fingers
Now it's gone, it's gone, it's gone and you will never admit
that you bid the wind blow the flames out
and buried the coals in the sea
you tricked me
You came back and you brought floods
wearing a necklace made of hearts that you'd dragged through the mud
and I guess I wasn't quite sure what to say to you
but then I saw mine, almost reached out to grab it
Said, "darling, you're the only one on earth I want to have it"
but now I'm not so sure that was true
after the hell you put it through.
But there was no sharp pain this time
just the ghost of your presence compressing my chest like a vine
an unshakable absence
like most of my insides crawled out of my mouth and went west
but that's fine
We cast our hearts in plaster
we imagined our bodies were fashioned of stone
but they chipped at the brick and mortar
We found out that we're only layers of skin hiding bones
and our bones are like chains, old and rusted in the rain
they're going to snap when the weight shifts
You moved like a fire through the forest
your hands were as red as the skin on your lips
you'd been flirting with distance, princess
I tasted its spit in your kiss
oh mistress, know
Today I will bury the flames of your failure
The past is a liar
The future, a whore
I'll lay your bones into the earth and you will haunt my head no more
Oh, we could blame it on our hands
Oh, we could blame it on our hands
But it was our mouths that opened up to swallow
and our heads that commanded us drink
But as I buried your flames in the dirt
I watched the smoke pull your ghost from the grave
and I fear they'll only lay in wait
until we are face to face again
Just when I said, I'm moving, I'm moving on
I felt them come to life again and again and again and again
la dispute
...
He finally paused to take a breath
then looked down-it felt like staring into hell.
The man was seated in a chair before him, silent,
a statue framed in pain and flesh. He thought,
"Oh, what more can I say to sway him? To make this statue speak?
I swear he's made of stone and I am barely stirring up a breeze."
And after waiting in the silence,
finally turned around to leave.
Broken and barely through the doorway,
breathing slowly, beating hard, he heard him speak:
"I guess love's a funny thing-the way it fades away without a warning.
It doesn't ask to be excused.
And when it's gone-oh, it's gone-and it ain't ever comin' back.
There is nothing you can do to save it,
to make it breathe the way it did when you were sliding on the ring.
Trust me: It's gone for good.
la dispute
...
I’m writing the letters on the wall
to remind myself to get back up every time I fall.
And maybe just wading will save me,
and maybe the ebbing tide will suck me underneath.
I've had so much trouble keeping all these worries from my head.
I'll keep swimming, I'll keep swimming
I'll keep swimming 'til I'm dead.
I don't need a life preserver to keep my head above the waves,
no matter where the current takes me.
cause I want to find out what it means to walk an even plane
where I don’t need a pacifier to keep my wits about me
This is the day we all begin to let our fear go and learn to swim.
make do and mend
...
I spent my night driving empty roads,
and feeling more alive than I’ve ever felt at home.
And I can't believe that everything I love
gets lost between the push and pull of the ego game.
And so it goes.
And so it goes.
I've never felt more alone.
make do and mend
...
Well I’ve been wading in your waves up to my chin,
sinking slowly deeper as the waves roll in.
Losing sight of land, I’m wondering,
"How’d I ever trick myself to get back in?"
Believe me, there’s no harder thing in this life
than believing that happiness is within my arm’s reach
and seeing that there is beauty in this world that I have been missing,
and I don’t want to miss no more.
These are the days that are putting wrinkles on my face,
and I’ve been forced to admit that the slightest weight could bury me.
And now the leaves are turning on the trees
and there’s a map between me and what I need.
I don’t know if it needs me, it feels like I’m sinking.
make do and mend
...
I used to disregard regret,
but there are some things that I can’t forget.
I'd ignore my shame but it's been pounding in my head.
Sometimes the emptiness pervades
in this lonely room’s skeletal embrace.
With no love in my life
these days are getting harder and harder to face.
I'm slipping further and further away.
These are the things at night I prayed I’d never feel
the untamable sadness life too often deals.
So give me a sign, show me that love
isn't the cold dead hand of winter creeping up.
make do and mend
...
On a day, when I'm feeling incomplete,
buried in my bedsheets.
can't pretend, that no matter how I bend,
I'm not the square peg in my circle of friends.
I'll take whatever comforts I can get.
I couldn't tell you what it's like to not feel separate,
from everyone that I've ever met.
I felt emptiness, I felt loneliness,
now I can feel them again.
make do and mend
...
Is this where I should be heading?
Down a slope for the masses
followed by a hard landing
On a sad truth.
In their world, there is nothing more to amount to
agent
...
Nothing is ever as it seems
The leaf caught in the stream
Wilting and dying to break free
Deny this reflection
There is no pier, there is no parking lot
You get in the car to feel a shifting of ways
It's where we trade and where we pretend
We're not stuck in something we don't get
It hurts that I can
see us dying
in slow motion
Give in, then retract
It's worse that I can't keep thoughts intact
and life in motion falls flat
So quickly we change ourselves to suit the taste of everyone else
It discredits claim
and little by little we're finding out
It gets harder to be something real
in unrelenting sealed restraint we find time
to look away
and where I'm from there's nothing left
FOR A KID WHOSE HEART IS NEVER AT REST
What's mine to take?
And you don't know what I mean,
Unless you're like me,
The leaf caught in the stream.
Just waiting for some debris from upstream
Or anything that'll move me
When you can't push surroundings
offer the rush a blank stare
I don't want comfort I don't wanna wear
agent
...
There's nothing that can shock me anymore:
from actions to reactions, I want more.
What is it you want to hear? That I'm doing great?
Well, I'm lying.
We're just a parody of ourselves.
I'm wasting all my time.
I’ll go to Morrissey to answer my questions,
cause Ian Curtis has left me hanging.
With our intentions at our worst,
we give away all our worth, and I am spent.
touche amore
...
I picked up the pen and drew a blank
an image in my head and a heart that sank
with years in perspective to put them all on the line
thoughts of moving forward with the fear of falling
behind that wall that I’ve built so tall
but now I’m at the top
searching for a pulse in this lifeless city is less a quest, it’s wishful thinking
If you measured mine on an EKG
I'd resemble the skyline out by 7th street
I'm not as clever as my words but I’m as sly as a thief
I'm as open as a casket with my fears and my beliefs
It's the sick leading the blind I bury truth and blame my pride
Now the blind as become sick with their eyes now open wide
I watched my skin walk out the door
I did not say goodbye
touche amore
...
A branch leaves its leaves
the soil is begging please
don’t make another mess this season.
A storm with a six letter name
I'm responsible for this hurricane
A big box if IOU’s rests inside my chest
with my hand holding a letter wishing you my very best
I did not sign my name
I'm responsible but won’t take the blame
A northwest climate on the brink of breaking
That's behind your eyes while my hands are shaking
A revolving door that has no shame
I'm responsible and will not change
This homebody doesn't need anybody
This body would rather be left alone
This nobody doesn’t deserve anybody
It becomes clearer as it goes
touche amore
...
In a desperate search for words
I am given a chance to breathe
It's the calm before the storm
It's my reason for everything
I'm sharpening a pencil on my writers block
To use when the words stop
I'll cut loose the cords that cut into me
To grow some thicker skin and shed insecurity
From outside I hear the echo of those empty words
I'm setting fire to that place I've built for my concerns
I'm not about to act surprised by actions when I'm desperate
If you fuck with a wounded animal you deserve to get bit
touche amore
...
Sun down, Sun up.
I speak in sarcasm to relate to all the things I appreciate.
I lie in rhythm to open doors.
I follow suit and just want more.
My reputation is the same it’s been,
and I don’t care what happens.
I read the book, so I know the end.
I’ve probably said too much,
but I’ve never felt more accomplished.
I’m losing sleep.
I’m losing friends.
I’ve got a love/hate/love with the city I’m in.
I’ll count the hours, having just one wish.
If I’m doing fine, there’s no point to this.
touche amore
...
Like staring at a flickering light:
you don’t know when it’ll burn out,
or how much time you have left to let it light up your life.
Because when you’re at your darkest,
it’s all you have to survive.
Like throwing copper in a well:
you’ll never know if wishes work only time can time.
But if superstitions can give someone faith,
then I’m throwing my wallet and begging for change.
touche amore
...
My eyes are weak, so I could never focus
on decisions that have left me hopeless.
I’ve chiseled my initials in the shovel
that I’ve been using to dig my own hole.
Driving faster in the wrong direction,
convincing them this was expected.
I’ve lost my mirrors through the crashes,
so looking back just can’t happen.
Living up to how we feel about ourselves:
one foot in the grave; one foot in our mouths.
When you hear those sirens, just know that they’re for us.
You’ll know who we are by the mark on our sleeve,
in the shape of a heart that never could beat.
touche amore
...
12-31: I counted down the days
’til I could wave goodbye to that early grave.
01-01: the weather hasn’t changed, but the story’s over;
it’s time to turn the page.
I was not born with a strong voice;
it’s never been one to boom.
But I’ll be damned to go out quiet,
if it’s the only thing I’ll lose.
touche amore
...
I want to smash my face into that god damn radio
it may seem strange but these urges come and go
I'm seeing double now, I tell the truth in stereo
I don't say much and when I do it's not enough
I can taste the grief, feel that old anger bubble up
it makes it hard to breathe
it makes a case for throwing up
iron chic
...
The cycle goes on and on
an endless circle of scaring the shit out of me
as we get strung along dragged 'til were nothing but cosmic debris
If there's something wrong
then there's something wrong with everything
and what spurs us on will pull us apart
just trying to find our place
fight our way through a four dimensional space
and our reward for this
is not knowing why we exist
if there's nothing wrong
then there's nothing wrong with anything
and what spurs us on will pull us apart
If I can ask one thing when I am dead
would you lay me down by the river bed?
let me wash away
let it take me back from where I came
all I am and all I was is just
blood and dirt and bones and mud
and I'm better off that way
I'm better off that way
iron chic
...
not like this, it's a parable
it's a fucking myth it's a show
and honestly I'm not a dishonest guy
but that doesn't mean that I can't tell a lie
if you don't believe me take a look in my eyes
you see we're all faking and it's no big surprise
everybody just makes it up as they go along
with a mind like this who needs enemies
this antagonist keeps me honest
silly as it seems, this nonsense means everything
it's kind of an inside joke
but truer words were never spoke
everybody's stuck but were fucked 'til we move along
It's a mystery
why we see things so differently
but something has got to give
I can't say why it's just the way it is
everybody just makes it up as they go
and everybody's fucked
but we hope we can move along
iron chic
...
you took the first fucking chance to get out of town
I'm cool with that but I still want you around
I wouldn't say I'm stuck here but that's irrelevant
because you're free and clear
but don't sweat it
I'm just saying
I couldn't really make a case for staying
I don't think I'm wrong, I don't think you're wrong
in the worst fucking case we could lose ourselves
each of us in a personal hell
we can take the heartache
as we stumble our way
through our old mistakes
and I get it
I don't regret it
I just want to be the one who said it
right or wrong it's different when you're gone
iron chic
...
After tonight I just can't be alone
I’m driving home beneath the stoplights
They’re holding me in suspense.
But that’s just the way it is I guess
For those of us who move too fast
And I wish that I could say
That I'm wishing you the best
But I can’t, but I can't.
So I’ll write it out on paper to remember every word
For all the things I’ve lost and found inside of every verse
These are my directions to you:
Please, head north.
Voices scream inside of me.
Well, “Maybe I’m just cursed.”
Just like they say, maybe I’m just cursed.
I’m always hoping for the best
Maybe I’m just cursed.
I’m always hoping for the best
Preparing for the worst
So please, head north.
Maybe I was right, maybe I was wrong
I just can’t write another one of these summer songs
Oh please not another sad, sad song,
You’ll find me hanging on every word
It kills you to know that this world, it owes you nothing.
So just forget what you’re expecting
You’ll find half what you deserve.
transit
...
Keep focused on your footwork; your feet won't leave the ground.
but your head will hit the concrete to make a sick sad song.
Even sadder then writing this all down to a ghost
that doesn't care enough to haunt you, to want you.
It just keeps you around.
I always thought it was me.
I always thought I would be the one to come and fix your life.
I really thought you would see
but all I turned out to be was just a fragment of a lie.
Are you just keeping me around as a reminder?
of before the world took it's toll and left you full of cracks and holes.
your body's shaking in the cold, have you always been this cold?
I always thought it was me.
I always thought I would be the one to come and fix your life.
I really thought you would see
but all I turned out to be was just a fragment of a lie.
My bleeding heart has filled my chest and overflowed into my head.
You can paint a wall but you can't cover up the cracks
and things will never change, until you change the way you look at it.
Have you always been this cold. I hope I'll never be that cold.
transit
...
We're only talking cause you lost someone close to you.
Without this entry you'd feel incomplete.
Come treat me like a living diary and just turn the page and walk away.
and it's true that I can feel this season in my bones
as New England fills with snow.
I find it hard to believe through everything I see
that every bits unique,
that maybe there is someone who’s just like me.
Someone who feels just like me.
Incomplete,
Someone who feels just like me.
Come by and ask me how I'm holding up.
My good intentions were never good enough.
I was empty before I met you
and I'll be there soon enough again.
I wont forget, I'll save your place,
don't walk away. I can't erase anything about you.
For all the things we fake you're words they seem so real.
So real that they could take all the hope left
in my life and leave my insides blank.
So close me or up or turn the page
So close me up but don’t bury me away.
transit
...
I have nowhere to be but I'm leaving again
and that's just how it's always been.
Alone, in this backyard, scratching away at the fences.
Never escaping, never mending.
So enter and exit up, recite your scene.
That same old song, take a bow and move along
and please don't have mercy on a man who flails and folds.
That's just how my friend it's always been.
Do you find yourself clinging to straws for something to hold you up.
Move along, just move along is what I've learned about life.
And I've learned about love, you're either in heaven or you're in hell.
There's no in-between.
transit
...
I'll carry the last three years away in this broken cardboard box.
I guess I'm too young to hold on and too old to just give up.
I'll take one last look around the room. I've never felt so lost.
I guess I'm too young to hold an too old to break free and run.
I'm writing all down to let you know "I gave you my very best"
How could you treat anyone like this.
I would never treat anyone like this.
but everyone misses someone more then they would like to admit.
So I'm writing you a six-word letter with no return address to let you know.
"I gave you my very best"
transit
...
In my defense the sky isn't getting any clearer
and day-by-day I'm finding place in myself
that were best left under lock and key.
and sometimes it seems
there's happiness for everyone but me.
so how do you take this when someone says to your face
"why can't you believe that anyone cares about you"
I care about you
If I could stack my doubts or spend the time to sort
them out
I would be climbing till I couldn't breathe
and the pressure always gets to me.
The more I look around I see that even though it seems,
There's happiness for everyone but me.
Everyone but me.
We're all just kids, scared and flawed
clinging to the legs of all the good inside we've lost
or thought there was but never was at all
so carry on, because someday we'll leave this place behind.
transit
...
There's symmetry in the way you cut me straight in two.
Each side reflects the image of a crowd in an empty room.
You're a match that can't be lit.
Spark a flame, burn infinite.
You broke me like a mirror.
Seven years keep adding up.
Walk barefoot through the glass,
not a single cut.
Direction - I'm walking on fences.
It left me defenseless.
You broke me like a mirror.
Seven years keep adding up.
Walk barefoot through the glass,
not a single cut.
Balance - I'm losing it and the ground beneath does not exist.
You're a match that can't be lit. Spark a flame, burn infinite.
title fight
...
Another page written in this chapter,
and I can see the ending's clear.
So much for these feelings for you.
There's nothing left for me to hold on to.
Shot down in flames.
Dust and smoke is all that remains.
Things aren't the same.
I think that you're the one to blame
for all that I have gone through for you.
Now it's going to stop.
title fight
...
I'd like to thank you for being there when I needed you most.
It was nice of you to stick around.
I'd also like to thank you for watching me drown,
not saving me, or bringing you down.
I should have walked all the way home,
forgotten all your names, and not answered the phone.
Well I guess this brings us to where we are now.
I can't stand you anymore.
Can't you get that through your head?
I think it's funny that you talk like we are still best friends.
I think I'd rather be dead.
Tell me what you want, because what I want is what you can't have.
I'll take everything.
I'm taking it back.
Call me what you want, because I'm not calling you anymore.
I'll take everything.
I'm taking it back.
All those times I told myself I'd never end up all alone,
I guess I lied.
title fight
...
It's too late to fix this.
What's the point?
This is all so pointless.
Sorry I tried so hard.
Just next time that I see you,
just remind me not to act just like I care.
All those memories you killed.
You're just burning bridges you helped build.
And everything that I say,
I hope it brings you back to that one day.
All I have left to do is to just keep
reminding myself to forget about you.
title fight
...
The place I fear the most,
is the place I have to go to see the truth.
"It's okay to feel lost, it just means you're alive",
I've told myself a thousand times.
From the ashes we will rise.
It's okay to feel lost, walk through the flames and see,
you're only left with what you need.
We're only here for the journey.
senses fail
...
I fear for my life,
That the current tonight,
Is stronger than the will that I have to survive.
So breathe you're alive.
So breathe you're alive.
So breathe you're alive.
Is it just me,
Or do you wonder if we're put here just to see,
How much heartache we can take,
Without hanging from the tallest tree? /
Because we'll make it through this,
No matter the odds.
all bets are on.
It's always darkest just before the dawn.
senses fail
...
it's not my place to keep on trying to chase
A relationship that's not there
but if I don't then I know that you won't even dare
I'm clear as glass but I can seem to ever clean
The fingerprints you left on me
senses fail
...
I just want to feel alive.
And love myself from the in and the outside.
cause every time that I start to feel whole,
I knock myself on the ground because it's all that I've known
Just like the streets burn a hole through your shoe.
My soul has been worn out too,
I'm 25 and I still don't fit in
Directionless, like a blind man painting
Mother I'm so sorry, I can't go on like this.
The lifeboats are leaving with or without me.
What's the point of falling in love?
If I don't love myself.
What's the point of being alive if all I want is out.
So I thought that it only feels right
To make the decisions that endanger my life.
Late late at night under black and blue moons.
I question in the reasons that I self-abuse.
I'm so pathetic.
It makes me sick.
I'm a fingerless pianist.
I see reflections.
I clench my fists.
I'm a violin without the strings.
Mother I'm so sorry, I can't go on like this.
The lifeboats are leaving with or without me.
What's the point of falling in love?
If I don't love myself.
What's the point of being alive if all I want is out.
There is no love.
There's only this:
Just lust and lies, and selfishness.
A black hole where the sun once was.
I'm never falling back in love.
cause it has never been enough.
Ever since I've been a young boy I was alone
Now that I've become a man, the feeling's grown.
Through the therapy and through the pills, I can't let go.
But what about the fucking fact
I'm still alone
What do you do when you've got nothing left?
Give up, give up and hope for the best
I fell into the ocean, I and I feel sick,
waiting on a nameless rescue ship
senses fail
...
I don't know what to do.
My pillows smell like you.
I see you in every mirror.
I feel all the blood rushing away from my face,
when you say you can't do this, I plead my case.
And I'm sorry for, running away.
I feel all the blood rushing away from my face.
When you say you can't do this, I plead my case.
And I'm sorry for, running away.
I need you, like fire needs oxygen.
I need you, like fire needs oxygen.
senses fail
...
Every time i turn the page,
I see your god-damn haunting face
It's in my way.
Rest assured this will stay the same,
well go ahead and drain my veins
Drain my veins
I'm not looking back, I'm not looking back at all the chances I once had.
balance & composure
...
I gave up long ago,
thought you'd never show.
I saw your face shine like the sun,
it glows, thought I'd let this go.
Your depression shows when you talk about home.
You said: "I can't wait to leave this town and go away on my own".
And the thought of it shakes all my bones,
in this weak body I used to own.
I can't do this alone.
Rest now for you lie in the arms of another man hand in hand,
you're much more safe now,
though compared to these hands that would smother your plans.
I just hope you're better off.
This time I'm on my own.
I always see you in my sleep,
it goes on and on until I'm waking.
It's hard to get by these days,
it goes on and on until I'm breaking.
I can't think of a single thing out there that can soothe,
I'll just fuck my head all day until I can't move.
balance & composure
...
I tried to find my plight,
but it wouldn't show itself to me.
So I got lost along the way,
it seems that everything is grey,
but that's ok.
I know it's out there waiting for me,
but I can't see it from where I stand.
And all this going but not knowing if you plan on ever showing up is getting so,
old.
I'm not getting out.
As you grow old you'll see that it's useless
to make an attempt to escape reality.
I see no hope for us, only boundaries surround me
and crush the hope inside.
Lately the colors don't seem as bright as they could be.
It's so impossible to dream these days.
I'm not getting out.
balance & composure
...
Give up all you've hoped for,
to ever work out in this life.
How you can you even go on
without your saddle, without your wife?
Follow me to the water,
where it flows still no one knows.
And down there no one seems to bother.
The world is wicked but no one knows.
So let the water rise to your eyebrow,
where a tiptoe can save your life.
But your feet are weak now,
from all that searching,
through the darkness,
in search of light.
balance & composure
...
Take what you want from me
Take what you want from me
Take what you want from me
Take what you want from me
Take what you want from me
Take what you want from me
Take what you want from me
I swear to god that I'm done
balance & composure
...
Is it this air that turns me cold?
This time of year I feel alone.
The wind blows and dries my skin.
These people keep to themselves,
all living in their own hell.
I need to get out of the place I'm in.
Take me to a place where I don't know anybody.
Leave me alone for now.
I've grown sick of every face that I've known.
This keeps me up at night.
See outside but you can't see in,
my words don't penetrate the skin.
Nothing will ever seem to get through.
Walk past your problems and your fears,
the ones you love are left in tears.
Nothing will ever seem to phase you.
Take me to a place where I don't know anybody.
Leave me alone for now.
I've grown sick of every face that I've known.
This keeps me up at night.
I can't let go, I'll break, I'll fold.
It's got to be this air that's killing me.
I know alone is all I've known
and it's old and I'm cold, yeah, but it doesn't phase me.
Take me to a place where I don't know anybody.
Leave me alone for now.
I've grown sick of every face that I've known.
This keeps me up at night.
balance & composure
...
I'll take comfort in knowing
I got the best years of your life
You got the worse of mine but I
See no point in showing
The way that you are and why
My intentions have become
The subject of violence
Oh, I can't believe myself
and I stuck around just long enough to care
Oh, I fucking hate myself
And I hate you too
And I hope you're well-aware
I hope to hell that you're still hurt
It's things like this I can't ignore
I want the life I had before
My days are wasted
on an endless fucking war
daylight
...
Speak up, I'm listening.
tell me about what you don't know.
I'm out here struggling.
I can't form words.
Can't take anymore.
there's nothing that I love.
Life is way too short, just not short enough.
Day in, Day out.
My life ain't what it used to be.
I'm out here suffering.
Why can't you see?
Can't take anymore.
There's nothing that I love.
Life is way too short, just not short enough.
daylight
...
I can't wake up to this again.
I can't fall asleep.
These things I hear, they can't be real.
These shadows I see.
No one can say I didn't try.
daylight
...
Nothing compares to the weight I carry.
I just can't go home.
You'd think I'd hate you.
I know you're sorry.
I'll leave this alone.
Breathing in deep.
I can't sit still.
Strangled.
Shaking.
I've lost the will.
daylight
...
Like grass through cracked cement,
We move through spaces called
Difference and restriction.
These lines in the sand,
They divide the common land.
My friend, if the world can’t fit in your hand
Maybe it’s the way that you’re squeezing,
Trying to trap a man inside his skin.
How can we know what oceans the waters call home?
And late at night do they swim there alone?
Come rescue the cold.
hostage calm
...
Everything I used to know
Vanished faster than it came.
I try to turn to you,
It’s all in vain.
Don’t underestimate
All the damage that you’ve done.
Jabbed the knife so many times
And I’m left with all these holes
And I barely breathe.
If I had only seen what you had hiding up your sleeve…
Choose the words that resonate with the cold and weak
They speak:
Everything I used to know
Vanished faster than it came.
I try to turn to you,
I know that it’s all in vain.
Don’t underestimate
All the damage that you’ve done.
Jabbed the knife so many times,
I’m left with all these holes…
In my head,
In my back,
In my heart.
hostage calm
...
Refused to find the stars aligned
In skies ripe for misleading;
Reserve them my contempt.
And worlds behind their obscured lights,
Confidence depleted
In hopes that you won’t find
Us retreating.
The more I stalled,
Suburban sprawl kept creeping ever closer,
Forewarned though I had been.
A family’s ware,
So unprepared to cope with their confinement.
It reminded me of the times
When I sit down and cry,
And hope you find someone who won’t hurt you
As much as I know I do.
“Twenty-five years down the line,” Means a hundred changing seasons:
Do you fear what might well pass?
It subsides, like how the better part of me dies.
I'm missing what the days have been stealing,
Staring up at the ceiling,
Waging war on a feeling.
Half-asleep machinery, the city’s always driving;
Shouldn’t you be too?
Motown, don’t it hurt to know
Your best days are behind you?
But that midnight oil still burns.
It subsides, like how the better part of me dies
I'm missing what the days have been stealing,
Staring up at the ceiling,
Waging war on a feeling.
Share an evening treat on a roadside near:
I go to watch things disappear.
And we find time to wonder why things won’t feel right.
(Without escape the hostage waits)
With drawn out wars on several fronts,
You might find one worth winning.
Do you fear what might well pass?
It subsides, like how the better part of me dies.
I’m missing what the days have been stealing,
Staring up at the ceiling.
Waging war on a feeling.
Waging war on a feeling.
Waging war on a feeling.
hostage calm
...
Take me back
Take me back to where
The ocean winds don't push and pull
And dull all the seasons
Where time doesn't crest and crash
But slowly pushes on
And say that you'll remember me
Past the time and past the place
Where we're dead already
And swear that you remember me
Past the time and past the place
We're dead already
daytrader
...
Give me the light, give me the dark
Give me the spectrum
Because I've been seeing so much gray
Give me tragedy and loss
An endless torrent of bad things
Give me light that just won't dull
A waking dream
And on my deathbed
Just plunge a dagger into my gut
And let me bleed out on the floor
An epitaph to clean living
Give me tragedy and loss
An endless torrent of bad things
Give me light that just won't dull
A waking dream
Wouldn't trade a minute of extremes
For a million hours of
Give me the light, give me the dark
Give me the spectrum
Because I've been seeing so much gray
Give me the light, give me the dark
Give me the spectrum
daytrader
...
A young man heads out into the world
Searching for whatever he can find
Confronted with the horrors of man
He hangs his head and wishes
Slow down my brain
Erase my memory
I can see why so many remain ignorant
To the horrors that beset men
And they're hiding beneath every street
Around every corner and around me
Slow down my brain
Erase my memory
Make me a new man
Turn to a blank slate
daytrader
...
I’m still looking for my piece of mind and nothing more.
My bad habits are building up and getting harder and harder to ignore,
Except when you’re around but I’ve been spending so little time in this town.
I just hope that you see I just can’t be who everyone wants me to be.
The pressure is too much and all I needed was just a little luck or so I thought,
But it’s time to follow the dreams that we fought so hard for.
This is your chance to soar above the world outside your door.
I hope that when you fly your wingspan is not the size of your attention span,
Cause you’ll never finish what you began.
And I’ll be fine with myself and my life,
As long as my dreams aren’t far behind.
I know what I want and I’ll never lose sight.
So here’s my advice: never let go off the things that keep you warm inside.
And I’m still looking for my sanity and nothing more,
I think I left it somewhere inside 55 Sycamore.
And now I’m chasing it on every tour.
I don’t know what you thought; it’s just my way of saying that I never forgot
What we fought for.
So here’s my advice: hold on to whatever keeps you warm inside.
Trust me it’s something that is too hard to find.
If living this empty life is a crime then I’ve served my time.
such gold
...
woah it hurts too much so call me out for not having the guts.
So chalk it up to poor judgment but how could you?
Given every chance, our outstretched hands,
But you’d drink the ocean and ask for more.
Given every chance, all of our outstretched hands.
And I can’t believe all the things you’ve taken from me
So chalk it up to poor judgment, and I misjudged you.
such gold
...
Well I'm looking for some kind of anchor
someone to stand taller than me
to pull me up through these falling leaves
Well I've already got so much anger
swelling up inside of me
I wasn't looking to closely for danger
and I didn't wind up where I wanted to be
You always said "reach for the stars"
but I could never see that far
and what's the point if this is all you are
So let go of all the things holding you down, and you back
or you might think that you're under attack, but no
we let it go
Well I'm looking for some kind of anchor
someone to stand taller than me
to pull me up through these leaves
Where we are right now
is where we found ourselves
don't ever say
that nothing is too far away
such gold
I don't sleep much at all these days, I say it's cold,
besides, I'm broken.
Hard as earth the love of the past,
the worth of the world has frozen
Still.
Like the sheet of ice collecting on the windshield of my car.
Where I caught my reflection frozen in the glass,
a perfect broken image of the future I'd envisioned in the past-
corrupted by fate now, fractured, and fading away.
Replace all I felt promised to me.
to be the one who figured it out,
who knew what to do,
who knew how to feel and
felt that
love of the past,
the worth of the world,
just set it ablaze and
thaw me out.
Dim lit in a room dark red, where I said,
"Can't seem to break off from the way I felt, but
I guess you understand, man. We had no chance.
I’m tired of fighting with the hand I’ve been dealt."
So, I take the cards they give me
And keep my protest on the inside of my mouth.
If the best I can do ain't gonna stop what's coming,
What's the point in trying to change how the hand plays out?
Don't we all just die?
When you looked at the light
Did it hurt your eyes?
When you looked at the light
Did it hurt you
Like it hurt me?
la dispute
...
I keep finding ways to push the good out for the bad
Oh, how selfish of myself to always say that it was more than I could take,
like it was pain I could not shake,
like it could break me with its fingers, throw my body in the lake,
and I would slowly sink away
but the Truth is it was sorrow that I made and would not face.
See, I keep falling for the future after tripping on the past.
And I am always tearing sutures out to make the anguish last like it defines me.
Or reminds me I've found comfort in my suffering
and uncertainty in happiness and death,
because what's next is such a mystery to me.
I am terrified of all the things I feel but cannot see.
Friends and family, put your hand into my hand and lay your head into my chest.
You are all that I have left here
We are all that we have left.
We are the lovers, We are the last of our kind.
Link your arms and keep your chin up
and I swear that we'll be fine.
We are the lovers, We are the last of our kind.
Though we're not sure who we are, we keep our heads up
though we're not sure where we're from, we keep our hearts up
though we're not sure when we'll leave, we keep our heads up
though we're not sure where we'll go, we keep our hopes up
Keep your head up. we're fine. Just keep your head up. I swear we'll be alright.
Keep your head up. Oh, my friends, keep your head up. and I swear we'll never die.
I swear we'll get home safe and sound, we'll live on underground
I will give your heart a place to rest when everything you had has turned and left.
I'll weave your names into my ribcage; lock your hearts inside my chest.
Regain the passion I once carried; do away with all the rest.
I tore the sickness from your bodies; smashed its head against the bricks.
I made a castle from its bones that you may always dwell in it.
So sing for every buried moment that you'd thought would never end.
And sing your fears about the future; and a dirge for faded friends.
For all the love that you had held to, why it somehow failed to keep.
And sing each minute you've been frightened; every hour that you've lost sleep
And sing for all your friends and family; sing for those who didn't survive.
But sing not for their final outcome; sing a song of how they tried.
We live amidst a violent storm; leaves us unsatisfied at best,
So fill your heart with what's important, and be done with all the rest.
We are what's left of what we once were
We are falling far behind.
There's so much stacking up against us and we're running out of time.
We are but hopeful children, and we're the last of our kind.
But if we let our hearts move outward, I know we will never-
la dispute
...
It must be true what people say, that only time can heal the pain.
And every single day I feel it fade away, but -
I still remember how the distance tricked us,
and lead us helpless by the wrist into a pit to be devoured.
I still remember how we held so strong to this,
though we had never really settled on a way out.
I still remember the silence, and how we'd always find a way
to turn and run to our mistakes.
I still remember how it all came back together just to fall apart again.
My dear, I hear your voice in mine.
I've been alone here, I've been afraid, my dear.
I've been at home here. You've been away for years. I've been alone.
I breathed your name into the air; I etched your name into me.
I felt my anger swelling; I swam into its sea.
I held your name inside my heart, but it got buried in my fear.
It tore the wiring of my brain; I did my best to keep it clear.
So, dear, no matter how we part, I hold you sweetly in my head.
And if I do not miss a part of you, a part of me is dead.
la dispute
...
You've got your fingers snared in my veins
I think it's time you pulled them out
and I don't care about the flesh it'll tear
it isn't flesh that I'm worried about.
We held a match to keep our sight on the path
but the flame gave up and we lost it
and I've knelt for the last three years
trying to find it back with the blackened matchstick.
Today I'm not afraid of failure
the past is a flower
the future, the snow
I wasn't ever close to perfect
But I never let you go
You let your doubt lead you like a river on and on
and you will never get back to save what you had
hear me promise
I will bury your problems in me
so sleep soundly
I held your heart in my fingers
Now it's gone, it's gone, it's gone and you will never admit
that you bid the wind blow the flames out
and buried the coals in the sea
you tricked me
You came back and you brought floods
wearing a necklace made of hearts that you'd dragged through the mud
and I guess I wasn't quite sure what to say to you
but then I saw mine, almost reached out to grab it
Said, "darling, you're the only one on earth I want to have it"
but now I'm not so sure that was true
after the hell you put it through.
But there was no sharp pain this time
just the ghost of your presence compressing my chest like a vine
an unshakable absence
like most of my insides crawled out of my mouth and went west
but that's fine
We cast our hearts in plaster
we imagined our bodies were fashioned of stone
but they chipped at the brick and mortar
We found out that we're only layers of skin hiding bones
and our bones are like chains, old and rusted in the rain
they're going to snap when the weight shifts
You moved like a fire through the forest
your hands were as red as the skin on your lips
you'd been flirting with distance, princess
I tasted its spit in your kiss
oh mistress, know
Today I will bury the flames of your failure
The past is a liar
The future, a whore
I'll lay your bones into the earth and you will haunt my head no more
Oh, we could blame it on our hands
Oh, we could blame it on our hands
But it was our mouths that opened up to swallow
and our heads that commanded us drink
But as I buried your flames in the dirt
I watched the smoke pull your ghost from the grave
and I fear they'll only lay in wait
until we are face to face again
Just when I said, I'm moving, I'm moving on
I felt them come to life again and again and again and again
la dispute
...
He finally paused to take a breath
then looked down-it felt like staring into hell.
The man was seated in a chair before him, silent,
a statue framed in pain and flesh. He thought,
"Oh, what more can I say to sway him? To make this statue speak?
I swear he's made of stone and I am barely stirring up a breeze."
And after waiting in the silence,
finally turned around to leave.
Broken and barely through the doorway,
breathing slowly, beating hard, he heard him speak:
"I guess love's a funny thing-the way it fades away without a warning.
It doesn't ask to be excused.
And when it's gone-oh, it's gone-and it ain't ever comin' back.
There is nothing you can do to save it,
to make it breathe the way it did when you were sliding on the ring.
Trust me: It's gone for good.
la dispute
...
I’m writing the letters on the wall
to remind myself to get back up every time I fall.
And maybe just wading will save me,
and maybe the ebbing tide will suck me underneath.
I've had so much trouble keeping all these worries from my head.
I'll keep swimming, I'll keep swimming
I'll keep swimming 'til I'm dead.
I don't need a life preserver to keep my head above the waves,
no matter where the current takes me.
cause I want to find out what it means to walk an even plane
where I don’t need a pacifier to keep my wits about me
This is the day we all begin to let our fear go and learn to swim.
make do and mend
...
I spent my night driving empty roads,
and feeling more alive than I’ve ever felt at home.
And I can't believe that everything I love
gets lost between the push and pull of the ego game.
And so it goes.
And so it goes.
I've never felt more alone.
make do and mend
...
Well I’ve been wading in your waves up to my chin,
sinking slowly deeper as the waves roll in.
Losing sight of land, I’m wondering,
"How’d I ever trick myself to get back in?"
Believe me, there’s no harder thing in this life
than believing that happiness is within my arm’s reach
and seeing that there is beauty in this world that I have been missing,
and I don’t want to miss no more.
These are the days that are putting wrinkles on my face,
and I’ve been forced to admit that the slightest weight could bury me.
And now the leaves are turning on the trees
and there’s a map between me and what I need.
I don’t know if it needs me, it feels like I’m sinking.
make do and mend
...
I used to disregard regret,
but there are some things that I can’t forget.
I'd ignore my shame but it's been pounding in my head.
Sometimes the emptiness pervades
in this lonely room’s skeletal embrace.
With no love in my life
these days are getting harder and harder to face.
I'm slipping further and further away.
These are the things at night I prayed I’d never feel
the untamable sadness life too often deals.
So give me a sign, show me that love
isn't the cold dead hand of winter creeping up.
make do and mend
...
On a day, when I'm feeling incomplete,
buried in my bedsheets.
can't pretend, that no matter how I bend,
I'm not the square peg in my circle of friends.
I'll take whatever comforts I can get.
I couldn't tell you what it's like to not feel separate,
from everyone that I've ever met.
I felt emptiness, I felt loneliness,
now I can feel them again.
make do and mend
...
Is this where I should be heading?
Down a slope for the masses
followed by a hard landing
On a sad truth.
In their world, there is nothing more to amount to
agent
...
Nothing is ever as it seems
The leaf caught in the stream
Wilting and dying to break free
Deny this reflection
There is no pier, there is no parking lot
You get in the car to feel a shifting of ways
It's where we trade and where we pretend
We're not stuck in something we don't get
It hurts that I can
see us dying
in slow motion
Give in, then retract
It's worse that I can't keep thoughts intact
and life in motion falls flat
So quickly we change ourselves to suit the taste of everyone else
It discredits claim
and little by little we're finding out
It gets harder to be something real
in unrelenting sealed restraint we find time
to look away
and where I'm from there's nothing left
FOR A KID WHOSE HEART IS NEVER AT REST
What's mine to take?
And you don't know what I mean,
Unless you're like me,
The leaf caught in the stream.
Just waiting for some debris from upstream
Or anything that'll move me
When you can't push surroundings
offer the rush a blank stare
I don't want comfort I don't wanna wear
agent
...
There's nothing that can shock me anymore:
from actions to reactions, I want more.
What is it you want to hear? That I'm doing great?
Well, I'm lying.
We're just a parody of ourselves.
I'm wasting all my time.
I’ll go to Morrissey to answer my questions,
cause Ian Curtis has left me hanging.
With our intentions at our worst,
we give away all our worth, and I am spent.
touche amore
...
I picked up the pen and drew a blank
an image in my head and a heart that sank
with years in perspective to put them all on the line
thoughts of moving forward with the fear of falling
behind that wall that I’ve built so tall
but now I’m at the top
searching for a pulse in this lifeless city is less a quest, it’s wishful thinking
If you measured mine on an EKG
I'd resemble the skyline out by 7th street
I'm not as clever as my words but I’m as sly as a thief
I'm as open as a casket with my fears and my beliefs
It's the sick leading the blind I bury truth and blame my pride
Now the blind as become sick with their eyes now open wide
I watched my skin walk out the door
I did not say goodbye
touche amore
...
A branch leaves its leaves
the soil is begging please
don’t make another mess this season.
A storm with a six letter name
I'm responsible for this hurricane
A big box if IOU’s rests inside my chest
with my hand holding a letter wishing you my very best
I did not sign my name
I'm responsible but won’t take the blame
A northwest climate on the brink of breaking
That's behind your eyes while my hands are shaking
A revolving door that has no shame
I'm responsible and will not change
This homebody doesn't need anybody
This body would rather be left alone
This nobody doesn’t deserve anybody
It becomes clearer as it goes
touche amore
...
In a desperate search for words
I am given a chance to breathe
It's the calm before the storm
It's my reason for everything
I'm sharpening a pencil on my writers block
To use when the words stop
I'll cut loose the cords that cut into me
To grow some thicker skin and shed insecurity
From outside I hear the echo of those empty words
I'm setting fire to that place I've built for my concerns
I'm not about to act surprised by actions when I'm desperate
If you fuck with a wounded animal you deserve to get bit
touche amore
...
Sun down, Sun up.
I speak in sarcasm to relate to all the things I appreciate.
I lie in rhythm to open doors.
I follow suit and just want more.
My reputation is the same it’s been,
and I don’t care what happens.
I read the book, so I know the end.
I’ve probably said too much,
but I’ve never felt more accomplished.
I’m losing sleep.
I’m losing friends.
I’ve got a love/hate/love with the city I’m in.
I’ll count the hours, having just one wish.
If I’m doing fine, there’s no point to this.
touche amore
...
Like staring at a flickering light:
you don’t know when it’ll burn out,
or how much time you have left to let it light up your life.
Because when you’re at your darkest,
it’s all you have to survive.
Like throwing copper in a well:
you’ll never know if wishes work only time can time.
But if superstitions can give someone faith,
then I’m throwing my wallet and begging for change.
touche amore
...
My eyes are weak, so I could never focus
on decisions that have left me hopeless.
I’ve chiseled my initials in the shovel
that I’ve been using to dig my own hole.
Driving faster in the wrong direction,
convincing them this was expected.
I’ve lost my mirrors through the crashes,
so looking back just can’t happen.
Living up to how we feel about ourselves:
one foot in the grave; one foot in our mouths.
When you hear those sirens, just know that they’re for us.
You’ll know who we are by the mark on our sleeve,
in the shape of a heart that never could beat.
touche amore
...
12-31: I counted down the days
’til I could wave goodbye to that early grave.
01-01: the weather hasn’t changed, but the story’s over;
it’s time to turn the page.
I was not born with a strong voice;
it’s never been one to boom.
But I’ll be damned to go out quiet,
if it’s the only thing I’ll lose.
touche amore
...
I want to smash my face into that god damn radio
it may seem strange but these urges come and go
I'm seeing double now, I tell the truth in stereo
I don't say much and when I do it's not enough
I can taste the grief, feel that old anger bubble up
it makes it hard to breathe
it makes a case for throwing up
iron chic
...
The cycle goes on and on
an endless circle of scaring the shit out of me
as we get strung along dragged 'til were nothing but cosmic debris
If there's something wrong
then there's something wrong with everything
and what spurs us on will pull us apart
just trying to find our place
fight our way through a four dimensional space
and our reward for this
is not knowing why we exist
if there's nothing wrong
then there's nothing wrong with anything
and what spurs us on will pull us apart
If I can ask one thing when I am dead
would you lay me down by the river bed?
let me wash away
let it take me back from where I came
all I am and all I was is just
blood and dirt and bones and mud
and I'm better off that way
I'm better off that way
iron chic
...
not like this, it's a parable
it's a fucking myth it's a show
and honestly I'm not a dishonest guy
but that doesn't mean that I can't tell a lie
if you don't believe me take a look in my eyes
you see we're all faking and it's no big surprise
everybody just makes it up as they go along
with a mind like this who needs enemies
this antagonist keeps me honest
silly as it seems, this nonsense means everything
it's kind of an inside joke
but truer words were never spoke
everybody's stuck but were fucked 'til we move along
It's a mystery
why we see things so differently
but something has got to give
I can't say why it's just the way it is
everybody just makes it up as they go
and everybody's fucked
but we hope we can move along
iron chic
...
you took the first fucking chance to get out of town
I'm cool with that but I still want you around
I wouldn't say I'm stuck here but that's irrelevant
because you're free and clear
but don't sweat it
I'm just saying
I couldn't really make a case for staying
I don't think I'm wrong, I don't think you're wrong
in the worst fucking case we could lose ourselves
each of us in a personal hell
we can take the heartache
as we stumble our way
through our old mistakes
and I get it
I don't regret it
I just want to be the one who said it
right or wrong it's different when you're gone
iron chic
...
After tonight I just can't be alone
I’m driving home beneath the stoplights
They’re holding me in suspense.
But that’s just the way it is I guess
For those of us who move too fast
And I wish that I could say
That I'm wishing you the best
But I can’t, but I can't.
So I’ll write it out on paper to remember every word
For all the things I’ve lost and found inside of every verse
These are my directions to you:
Please, head north.
Voices scream inside of me.
Well, “Maybe I’m just cursed.”
Just like they say, maybe I’m just cursed.
I’m always hoping for the best
Maybe I’m just cursed.
I’m always hoping for the best
Preparing for the worst
So please, head north.
Maybe I was right, maybe I was wrong
I just can’t write another one of these summer songs
Oh please not another sad, sad song,
You’ll find me hanging on every word
It kills you to know that this world, it owes you nothing.
So just forget what you’re expecting
You’ll find half what you deserve.
transit
...
Keep focused on your footwork; your feet won't leave the ground.
but your head will hit the concrete to make a sick sad song.
Even sadder then writing this all down to a ghost
that doesn't care enough to haunt you, to want you.
It just keeps you around.
I always thought it was me.
I always thought I would be the one to come and fix your life.
I really thought you would see
but all I turned out to be was just a fragment of a lie.
Are you just keeping me around as a reminder?
of before the world took it's toll and left you full of cracks and holes.
your body's shaking in the cold, have you always been this cold?
I always thought it was me.
I always thought I would be the one to come and fix your life.
I really thought you would see
but all I turned out to be was just a fragment of a lie.
My bleeding heart has filled my chest and overflowed into my head.
You can paint a wall but you can't cover up the cracks
and things will never change, until you change the way you look at it.
Have you always been this cold. I hope I'll never be that cold.
transit
...
We're only talking cause you lost someone close to you.
Without this entry you'd feel incomplete.
Come treat me like a living diary and just turn the page and walk away.
and it's true that I can feel this season in my bones
as New England fills with snow.
I find it hard to believe through everything I see
that every bits unique,
that maybe there is someone who’s just like me.
Someone who feels just like me.
Incomplete,
Someone who feels just like me.
Come by and ask me how I'm holding up.
My good intentions were never good enough.
I was empty before I met you
and I'll be there soon enough again.
I wont forget, I'll save your place,
don't walk away. I can't erase anything about you.
For all the things we fake you're words they seem so real.
So real that they could take all the hope left
in my life and leave my insides blank.
So close me or up or turn the page
So close me up but don’t bury me away.
transit
...
I have nowhere to be but I'm leaving again
and that's just how it's always been.
Alone, in this backyard, scratching away at the fences.
Never escaping, never mending.
So enter and exit up, recite your scene.
That same old song, take a bow and move along
and please don't have mercy on a man who flails and folds.
That's just how my friend it's always been.
Do you find yourself clinging to straws for something to hold you up.
Move along, just move along is what I've learned about life.
And I've learned about love, you're either in heaven or you're in hell.
There's no in-between.
transit
...
I'll carry the last three years away in this broken cardboard box.
I guess I'm too young to hold on and too old to just give up.
I'll take one last look around the room. I've never felt so lost.
I guess I'm too young to hold an too old to break free and run.
I'm writing all down to let you know "I gave you my very best"
How could you treat anyone like this.
I would never treat anyone like this.
but everyone misses someone more then they would like to admit.
So I'm writing you a six-word letter with no return address to let you know.
"I gave you my very best"
transit
...
In my defense the sky isn't getting any clearer
and day-by-day I'm finding place in myself
that were best left under lock and key.
and sometimes it seems
there's happiness for everyone but me.
so how do you take this when someone says to your face
"why can't you believe that anyone cares about you"
I care about you
If I could stack my doubts or spend the time to sort
them out
I would be climbing till I couldn't breathe
and the pressure always gets to me.
The more I look around I see that even though it seems,
There's happiness for everyone but me.
Everyone but me.
We're all just kids, scared and flawed
clinging to the legs of all the good inside we've lost
or thought there was but never was at all
so carry on, because someday we'll leave this place behind.
transit
...
There's symmetry in the way you cut me straight in two.
Each side reflects the image of a crowd in an empty room.
You're a match that can't be lit.
Spark a flame, burn infinite.
You broke me like a mirror.
Seven years keep adding up.
Walk barefoot through the glass,
not a single cut.
Direction - I'm walking on fences.
It left me defenseless.
You broke me like a mirror.
Seven years keep adding up.
Walk barefoot through the glass,
not a single cut.
Balance - I'm losing it and the ground beneath does not exist.
You're a match that can't be lit. Spark a flame, burn infinite.
title fight
...
Another page written in this chapter,
and I can see the ending's clear.
So much for these feelings for you.
There's nothing left for me to hold on to.
Shot down in flames.
Dust and smoke is all that remains.
Things aren't the same.
I think that you're the one to blame
for all that I have gone through for you.
Now it's going to stop.
title fight
...
I'd like to thank you for being there when I needed you most.
It was nice of you to stick around.
I'd also like to thank you for watching me drown,
not saving me, or bringing you down.
I should have walked all the way home,
forgotten all your names, and not answered the phone.
Well I guess this brings us to where we are now.
I can't stand you anymore.
Can't you get that through your head?
I think it's funny that you talk like we are still best friends.
I think I'd rather be dead.
Tell me what you want, because what I want is what you can't have.
I'll take everything.
I'm taking it back.
Call me what you want, because I'm not calling you anymore.
I'll take everything.
I'm taking it back.
All those times I told myself I'd never end up all alone,
I guess I lied.
title fight
...
It's too late to fix this.
What's the point?
This is all so pointless.
Sorry I tried so hard.
Just next time that I see you,
just remind me not to act just like I care.
All those memories you killed.
You're just burning bridges you helped build.
And everything that I say,
I hope it brings you back to that one day.
All I have left to do is to just keep
reminding myself to forget about you.
title fight
...
The place I fear the most,
is the place I have to go to see the truth.
"It's okay to feel lost, it just means you're alive",
I've told myself a thousand times.
From the ashes we will rise.
It's okay to feel lost, walk through the flames and see,
you're only left with what you need.
We're only here for the journey.
senses fail
...
I fear for my life,
That the current tonight,
Is stronger than the will that I have to survive.
So breathe you're alive.
So breathe you're alive.
So breathe you're alive.
Is it just me,
Or do you wonder if we're put here just to see,
How much heartache we can take,
Without hanging from the tallest tree? /
Because we'll make it through this,
No matter the odds.
all bets are on.
It's always darkest just before the dawn.
senses fail
...
it's not my place to keep on trying to chase
A relationship that's not there
but if I don't then I know that you won't even dare
I'm clear as glass but I can seem to ever clean
The fingerprints you left on me
senses fail
...
I just want to feel alive.
And love myself from the in and the outside.
cause every time that I start to feel whole,
I knock myself on the ground because it's all that I've known
Just like the streets burn a hole through your shoe.
My soul has been worn out too,
I'm 25 and I still don't fit in
Directionless, like a blind man painting
Mother I'm so sorry, I can't go on like this.
The lifeboats are leaving with or without me.
What's the point of falling in love?
If I don't love myself.
What's the point of being alive if all I want is out.
So I thought that it only feels right
To make the decisions that endanger my life.
Late late at night under black and blue moons.
I question in the reasons that I self-abuse.
I'm so pathetic.
It makes me sick.
I'm a fingerless pianist.
I see reflections.
I clench my fists.
I'm a violin without the strings.
Mother I'm so sorry, I can't go on like this.
The lifeboats are leaving with or without me.
What's the point of falling in love?
If I don't love myself.
What's the point of being alive if all I want is out.
There is no love.
There's only this:
Just lust and lies, and selfishness.
A black hole where the sun once was.
I'm never falling back in love.
cause it has never been enough.
Ever since I've been a young boy I was alone
Now that I've become a man, the feeling's grown.
Through the therapy and through the pills, I can't let go.
But what about the fucking fact
I'm still alone
What do you do when you've got nothing left?
Give up, give up and hope for the best
I fell into the ocean, I and I feel sick,
waiting on a nameless rescue ship
senses fail
...
I don't know what to do.
My pillows smell like you.
I see you in every mirror.
I feel all the blood rushing away from my face,
when you say you can't do this, I plead my case.
And I'm sorry for, running away.
I feel all the blood rushing away from my face.
When you say you can't do this, I plead my case.
And I'm sorry for, running away.
I need you, like fire needs oxygen.
I need you, like fire needs oxygen.
senses fail
...
Every time i turn the page,
I see your god-damn haunting face
It's in my way.
Rest assured this will stay the same,
well go ahead and drain my veins
Drain my veins
I'm not looking back, I'm not looking back at all the chances I once had.
balance & composure
...
I gave up long ago,
thought you'd never show.
I saw your face shine like the sun,
it glows, thought I'd let this go.
Your depression shows when you talk about home.
You said: "I can't wait to leave this town and go away on my own".
And the thought of it shakes all my bones,
in this weak body I used to own.
I can't do this alone.
Rest now for you lie in the arms of another man hand in hand,
you're much more safe now,
though compared to these hands that would smother your plans.
I just hope you're better off.
This time I'm on my own.
I always see you in my sleep,
it goes on and on until I'm waking.
It's hard to get by these days,
it goes on and on until I'm breaking.
I can't think of a single thing out there that can soothe,
I'll just fuck my head all day until I can't move.
balance & composure
...
I tried to find my plight,
but it wouldn't show itself to me.
So I got lost along the way,
it seems that everything is grey,
but that's ok.
I know it's out there waiting for me,
but I can't see it from where I stand.
And all this going but not knowing if you plan on ever showing up is getting so,
old.
I'm not getting out.
As you grow old you'll see that it's useless
to make an attempt to escape reality.
I see no hope for us, only boundaries surround me
and crush the hope inside.
Lately the colors don't seem as bright as they could be.
It's so impossible to dream these days.
I'm not getting out.
balance & composure
...
Give up all you've hoped for,
to ever work out in this life.
How you can you even go on
without your saddle, without your wife?
Follow me to the water,
where it flows still no one knows.
And down there no one seems to bother.
The world is wicked but no one knows.
So let the water rise to your eyebrow,
where a tiptoe can save your life.
But your feet are weak now,
from all that searching,
through the darkness,
in search of light.
balance & composure
...
Take what you want from me
Take what you want from me
Take what you want from me
Take what you want from me
Take what you want from me
Take what you want from me
Take what you want from me
I swear to god that I'm done
balance & composure
...
Is it this air that turns me cold?
This time of year I feel alone.
The wind blows and dries my skin.
These people keep to themselves,
all living in their own hell.
I need to get out of the place I'm in.
Take me to a place where I don't know anybody.
Leave me alone for now.
I've grown sick of every face that I've known.
This keeps me up at night.
See outside but you can't see in,
my words don't penetrate the skin.
Nothing will ever seem to get through.
Walk past your problems and your fears,
the ones you love are left in tears.
Nothing will ever seem to phase you.
Take me to a place where I don't know anybody.
Leave me alone for now.
I've grown sick of every face that I've known.
This keeps me up at night.
I can't let go, I'll break, I'll fold.
It's got to be this air that's killing me.
I know alone is all I've known
and it's old and I'm cold, yeah, but it doesn't phase me.
Take me to a place where I don't know anybody.
Leave me alone for now.
I've grown sick of every face that I've known.
This keeps me up at night.
balance & composure
...
I'll take comfort in knowing
I got the best years of your life
You got the worse of mine but I
See no point in showing
The way that you are and why
My intentions have become
The subject of violence
Oh, I can't believe myself
and I stuck around just long enough to care
Oh, I fucking hate myself
And I hate you too
And I hope you're well-aware
I hope to hell that you're still hurt
It's things like this I can't ignore
I want the life I had before
My days are wasted
on an endless fucking war
daylight
...
Speak up, I'm listening.
tell me about what you don't know.
I'm out here struggling.
I can't form words.
Can't take anymore.
there's nothing that I love.
Life is way too short, just not short enough.
Day in, Day out.
My life ain't what it used to be.
I'm out here suffering.
Why can't you see?
Can't take anymore.
There's nothing that I love.
Life is way too short, just not short enough.
daylight
...
I can't wake up to this again.
I can't fall asleep.
These things I hear, they can't be real.
These shadows I see.
No one can say I didn't try.
daylight
...
Nothing compares to the weight I carry.
I just can't go home.
You'd think I'd hate you.
I know you're sorry.
I'll leave this alone.
Breathing in deep.
I can't sit still.
Strangled.
Shaking.
I've lost the will.
daylight
...
Like grass through cracked cement,
We move through spaces called
Difference and restriction.
These lines in the sand,
They divide the common land.
My friend, if the world can’t fit in your hand
Maybe it’s the way that you’re squeezing,
Trying to trap a man inside his skin.
How can we know what oceans the waters call home?
And late at night do they swim there alone?
Come rescue the cold.
hostage calm
...
Everything I used to know
Vanished faster than it came.
I try to turn to you,
It’s all in vain.
Don’t underestimate
All the damage that you’ve done.
Jabbed the knife so many times
And I’m left with all these holes
And I barely breathe.
If I had only seen what you had hiding up your sleeve…
Choose the words that resonate with the cold and weak
They speak:
Everything I used to know
Vanished faster than it came.
I try to turn to you,
I know that it’s all in vain.
Don’t underestimate
All the damage that you’ve done.
Jabbed the knife so many times,
I’m left with all these holes…
In my head,
In my back,
In my heart.
hostage calm
...
Refused to find the stars aligned
In skies ripe for misleading;
Reserve them my contempt.
And worlds behind their obscured lights,
Confidence depleted
In hopes that you won’t find
Us retreating.
The more I stalled,
Suburban sprawl kept creeping ever closer,
Forewarned though I had been.
A family’s ware,
So unprepared to cope with their confinement.
It reminded me of the times
When I sit down and cry,
And hope you find someone who won’t hurt you
As much as I know I do.
“Twenty-five years down the line,” Means a hundred changing seasons:
Do you fear what might well pass?
It subsides, like how the better part of me dies.
I'm missing what the days have been stealing,
Staring up at the ceiling,
Waging war on a feeling.
Half-asleep machinery, the city’s always driving;
Shouldn’t you be too?
Motown, don’t it hurt to know
Your best days are behind you?
But that midnight oil still burns.
It subsides, like how the better part of me dies
I'm missing what the days have been stealing,
Staring up at the ceiling,
Waging war on a feeling.
Share an evening treat on a roadside near:
I go to watch things disappear.
And we find time to wonder why things won’t feel right.
(Without escape the hostage waits)
With drawn out wars on several fronts,
You might find one worth winning.
Do you fear what might well pass?
It subsides, like how the better part of me dies.
I’m missing what the days have been stealing,
Staring up at the ceiling.
Waging war on a feeling.
Waging war on a feeling.
Waging war on a feeling.
hostage calm
...
Take me back
Take me back to where
The ocean winds don't push and pull
And dull all the seasons
Where time doesn't crest and crash
But slowly pushes on
And say that you'll remember me
Past the time and past the place
Where we're dead already
And swear that you remember me
Past the time and past the place
We're dead already
daytrader
...
Give me the light, give me the dark
Give me the spectrum
Because I've been seeing so much gray
Give me tragedy and loss
An endless torrent of bad things
Give me light that just won't dull
A waking dream
And on my deathbed
Just plunge a dagger into my gut
And let me bleed out on the floor
An epitaph to clean living
Give me tragedy and loss
An endless torrent of bad things
Give me light that just won't dull
A waking dream
Wouldn't trade a minute of extremes
For a million hours of
Give me the light, give me the dark
Give me the spectrum
Because I've been seeing so much gray
Give me the light, give me the dark
Give me the spectrum
daytrader
...
A young man heads out into the world
Searching for whatever he can find
Confronted with the horrors of man
He hangs his head and wishes
Slow down my brain
Erase my memory
I can see why so many remain ignorant
To the horrors that beset men
And they're hiding beneath every street
Around every corner and around me
Slow down my brain
Erase my memory
Make me a new man
Turn to a blank slate
daytrader
...
I’m still looking for my piece of mind and nothing more.
My bad habits are building up and getting harder and harder to ignore,
Except when you’re around but I’ve been spending so little time in this town.
I just hope that you see I just can’t be who everyone wants me to be.
The pressure is too much and all I needed was just a little luck or so I thought,
But it’s time to follow the dreams that we fought so hard for.
This is your chance to soar above the world outside your door.
I hope that when you fly your wingspan is not the size of your attention span,
Cause you’ll never finish what you began.
And I’ll be fine with myself and my life,
As long as my dreams aren’t far behind.
I know what I want and I’ll never lose sight.
So here’s my advice: never let go off the things that keep you warm inside.
And I’m still looking for my sanity and nothing more,
I think I left it somewhere inside 55 Sycamore.
And now I’m chasing it on every tour.
I don’t know what you thought; it’s just my way of saying that I never forgot
What we fought for.
So here’s my advice: hold on to whatever keeps you warm inside.
Trust me it’s something that is too hard to find.
If living this empty life is a crime then I’ve served my time.
such gold
...
woah it hurts too much so call me out for not having the guts.
So chalk it up to poor judgment but how could you?
Given every chance, our outstretched hands,
But you’d drink the ocean and ask for more.
Given every chance, all of our outstretched hands.
And I can’t believe all the things you’ve taken from me
So chalk it up to poor judgment, and I misjudged you.
such gold
...
Well I'm looking for some kind of anchor
someone to stand taller than me
to pull me up through these falling leaves
Well I've already got so much anger
swelling up inside of me
I wasn't looking to closely for danger
and I didn't wind up where I wanted to be
You always said "reach for the stars"
but I could never see that far
and what's the point if this is all you are
So let go of all the things holding you down, and you back
or you might think that you're under attack, but no
we let it go
Well I'm looking for some kind of anchor
someone to stand taller than me
to pull me up through these leaves
Where we are right now
is where we found ourselves
don't ever say
that nothing is too far away
such gold