random things
well now that im sure no one reads this anymore, thanks to my non updating and taking the link out of my aim profile, i can finally vent and no one can no what i do write, and if they do find it.......oops
well lets start somewhere, recently i went over amanda's place for a good time of drinking and forgeting what happened, well holy drama batman, alls that happened was she was hammered and started going over what we always go over whenever shes drunk. how "we should be together and if it wasn't for mike and katie and sara we would be, and just like always i tell myself not to take it serious and not to take her words ver batum, but i just can't stop myself, i sprial back into my dark state of not knowing what to do, i have a great girlfriend whos wonderful and is great on so many aspects, but its hard to get over that unreachable place, since that happened this past friday, im now in deep thought of what to do and where to go, im hoping everything will all sort itself out, but how often does that actually happen
i've started feeling bad about things i did this past summer, namely towards two people in general, dan and christa, im not sure what exactly i was thinking, maybe it was the fact that summer wasn't working out for me, maybe it was the fact that everything around me had deteriorated, and maybe it was the fact that it was just like high school with everyone going away that i wanted to protect myself, all in all i feel like one of the worst people imaginable, maybe someday ill pick up the phone and give them a call just to see if they want to do something or what not but im sure theres a lot of seperation and pain there that will take a lot longer to heal than anything else i've had to deal with
this past november marks the 6th aniversery of my getting shot, every time it rolls around i feel the same thing, the pain sparks up, the failure begins to reel, and every single memory starts flooding back, maybe its why i chose to be a police man, just in the hope that maybe if it happens again, i will feel less than what i do right now, it won't be as special, mind you that it will always be special but not as in the only time i've been wounded like that
im keeping close ties with one of my old roomates, erik, we hang out from time to time, and hes a blast to hang out with, he reminds me of what was all well and good with our original apartment, just cuz when we hang out, we relax and have a good time, theres no drama, theres no problems, theres nothing of the sort, its just actual straight up fun, normally when i hang out with erik, nick is also around which brings back good ole memories as well, but still something is always missing in the end
another semester is in the books and im seriously getting sick of this college thing, i want to be done with it, whether its in the criminal justice field, or just working at pick n save for now, im just sick of wasting my time in classes and spending mineless hours writing papers and taking exams when the majority of every major is either common sense or given to you in hand books or cheat sheets
i don't do a lot of the things i used to do anymore, i've stopped playing football, i've stopped playing a lot of board games, i've stopped working out and i've stopped running, maybe its all in the past of things that i used to do, a more immature me that i've tried to shead off, or maybe its the fact that i've grown up a lot over this past year and a half, one thing that i've been tring to get more into is airsoft but with the lack of people to play with and the lack of space around here to play, its currently on hold
well its 3 am and its time for me to sleep
well lets start somewhere, recently i went over amanda's place for a good time of drinking and forgeting what happened, well holy drama batman, alls that happened was she was hammered and started going over what we always go over whenever shes drunk. how "we should be together and if it wasn't for mike and katie and sara we would be, and just like always i tell myself not to take it serious and not to take her words ver batum, but i just can't stop myself, i sprial back into my dark state of not knowing what to do, i have a great girlfriend whos wonderful and is great on so many aspects, but its hard to get over that unreachable place, since that happened this past friday, im now in deep thought of what to do and where to go, im hoping everything will all sort itself out, but how often does that actually happen
i've started feeling bad about things i did this past summer, namely towards two people in general, dan and christa, im not sure what exactly i was thinking, maybe it was the fact that summer wasn't working out for me, maybe it was the fact that everything around me had deteriorated, and maybe it was the fact that it was just like high school with everyone going away that i wanted to protect myself, all in all i feel like one of the worst people imaginable, maybe someday ill pick up the phone and give them a call just to see if they want to do something or what not but im sure theres a lot of seperation and pain there that will take a lot longer to heal than anything else i've had to deal with
this past november marks the 6th aniversery of my getting shot, every time it rolls around i feel the same thing, the pain sparks up, the failure begins to reel, and every single memory starts flooding back, maybe its why i chose to be a police man, just in the hope that maybe if it happens again, i will feel less than what i do right now, it won't be as special, mind you that it will always be special but not as in the only time i've been wounded like that
im keeping close ties with one of my old roomates, erik, we hang out from time to time, and hes a blast to hang out with, he reminds me of what was all well and good with our original apartment, just cuz when we hang out, we relax and have a good time, theres no drama, theres no problems, theres nothing of the sort, its just actual straight up fun, normally when i hang out with erik, nick is also around which brings back good ole memories as well, but still something is always missing in the end
another semester is in the books and im seriously getting sick of this college thing, i want to be done with it, whether its in the criminal justice field, or just working at pick n save for now, im just sick of wasting my time in classes and spending mineless hours writing papers and taking exams when the majority of every major is either common sense or given to you in hand books or cheat sheets
i don't do a lot of the things i used to do anymore, i've stopped playing football, i've stopped playing a lot of board games, i've stopped working out and i've stopped running, maybe its all in the past of things that i used to do, a more immature me that i've tried to shead off, or maybe its the fact that i've grown up a lot over this past year and a half, one thing that i've been tring to get more into is airsoft but with the lack of people to play with and the lack of space around here to play, its currently on hold
well its 3 am and its time for me to sleep