(no subject)
bear In mind that I'm in no way saying I've figured out anything about life, or have any kind of handle on relationships, but what the hell, here goes...
It's interesting to find
after how long I liked him( ok fine I admit it)
after thinking about him for hours on end
after the first time I laid my head on his shoulder, and wondered if that was ok to do
after I decided it was stupid to like him
after the first time we held hands
after that quick kiss in the hallway
after the nerves of begining to date
the nerves of doing something wrong
after sitting and daydreaming
wondering if I called too much
after hours of talking
and hours of not talking at all
after calling him stupid, buttface, every name in the book
after kissing him like mad
and falling asleep in his arms
after months of hearing how cute we are
what a good man he is
after saying " I love you"
and then wondering if I even knew what that meant
after the decision to stay together
and the longing once we were apart
after the days I found out
and then the days I cried myself to sleep, cried myself to school, cried myself home
the days I thought I'd lost him
or that I never had him at all
after the hours,the days, the weeks, the months of trying to fix things
after finding out more about him than I know about anyone
sharing more about me...
after sharing big things... and small ones
after hearing how stupid he is
and how stupid I am
after deciding for myself
after forgiveness
and discovering that forgiveness is not near as simple as it sounds
after the nights alone
the days together
the smiles, the laughs
being poked and prodded by his family
and him being poked and prodded in return
after "meagan and tony" became a thing
when people stopped commenting
when I don't kiss him like mad every day
and can't fall asleep in his arms
when I end up tired, grumpy
when I'm not even sure what I want to happen
or where I want my life to go- if his is a part of it
after the times that girls " ooh" about don't seem so exciting
I find myself left with just a person, a regular person
nothing more
nothing less
the reality of everyday life and who he is
and the words " I love you"
I find myself so happy with that.
It's interesting to find
after how long I liked him( ok fine I admit it)
after thinking about him for hours on end
after the first time I laid my head on his shoulder, and wondered if that was ok to do
after I decided it was stupid to like him
after the first time we held hands
after that quick kiss in the hallway
after the nerves of begining to date
the nerves of doing something wrong
after sitting and daydreaming
wondering if I called too much
after hours of talking
and hours of not talking at all
after calling him stupid, buttface, every name in the book
after kissing him like mad
and falling asleep in his arms
after months of hearing how cute we are
what a good man he is
after saying " I love you"
and then wondering if I even knew what that meant
after the decision to stay together
and the longing once we were apart
after the days I found out
and then the days I cried myself to sleep, cried myself to school, cried myself home
the days I thought I'd lost him
or that I never had him at all
after the hours,the days, the weeks, the months of trying to fix things
after finding out more about him than I know about anyone
sharing more about me...
after sharing big things... and small ones
after hearing how stupid he is
and how stupid I am
after deciding for myself
after forgiveness
and discovering that forgiveness is not near as simple as it sounds
after the nights alone
the days together
the smiles, the laughs
being poked and prodded by his family
and him being poked and prodded in return
after "meagan and tony" became a thing
when people stopped commenting
when I don't kiss him like mad every day
and can't fall asleep in his arms
when I end up tired, grumpy
when I'm not even sure what I want to happen
or where I want my life to go- if his is a part of it
after the times that girls " ooh" about don't seem so exciting
I find myself left with just a person, a regular person
nothing more
nothing less
the reality of everyday life and who he is
and the words " I love you"
I find myself so happy with that.