Tired.......
Long day. No sleep last night and VERY little at work. Got off early so that was nice. Came home, fell right to sleep. Only asleep for a little while when I made my first fire call in like a week. I have to say I havent been in the mood to do anything at the fire house lately. Its kinda upsetting but oh well.
I am kinda afraid of enlisting. Who am I kidding, I am terrified. The threat of death is really scary. And it's a HUGE step up from what I am doing. This is 4years of my life here. Now I might love it, but I might not too. I don't want to leave certain people, but I do wanna leave others. I hate where my career is headed....which is no where. And I love the idea of being a soldier. The pride and honor seems like the greatest feeling. I am just so lost on this. And my biggest fear.....telling the folks. Thats what made me back out last time I thought of enlisting. I couldnt imagine telling my Mom I am gonna risk my life for something she doesnt even support. She is gonna wanna kill me. But I guess it's something I am gonna have to get past. Alot of people are supporting me, and one person is really counting on me. I have something to prove, because I do have people doubting me. And that bugs me alot. I think the thing that bothers me most is Lindsey. I still dont want to hurt her, even though I did get crushed by her. I am just not like that. She said something about me finding another girl.....I dont want to. Not to sound like a lost puppy but I want her. I know it cant happen right now, but it's what I want. And I feel like the only way to get over her is to find someone else...but it feels too early. Way too early. I guess I dont know what I want with her. But I know I wanna be a soldier. I wanna make people proud. Not that they aren't now, but man would it be a cool feeling. I guess it would be kinda nice for Lindsey to be able to say "my ex is one of the bravest men I know, he is a Marine. One of the few, one of the proud. O and dont mess with me because he could beat your ass." LOL. Well after sitting here and typing all this I know I wanna do it. And I will! I hope the United States Marine Corps is ready for me!
I am kinda afraid of enlisting. Who am I kidding, I am terrified. The threat of death is really scary. And it's a HUGE step up from what I am doing. This is 4years of my life here. Now I might love it, but I might not too. I don't want to leave certain people, but I do wanna leave others. I hate where my career is headed....which is no where. And I love the idea of being a soldier. The pride and honor seems like the greatest feeling. I am just so lost on this. And my biggest fear.....telling the folks. Thats what made me back out last time I thought of enlisting. I couldnt imagine telling my Mom I am gonna risk my life for something she doesnt even support. She is gonna wanna kill me. But I guess it's something I am gonna have to get past. Alot of people are supporting me, and one person is really counting on me. I have something to prove, because I do have people doubting me. And that bugs me alot. I think the thing that bothers me most is Lindsey. I still dont want to hurt her, even though I did get crushed by her. I am just not like that. She said something about me finding another girl.....I dont want to. Not to sound like a lost puppy but I want her. I know it cant happen right now, but it's what I want. And I feel like the only way to get over her is to find someone else...but it feels too early. Way too early. I guess I dont know what I want with her. But I know I wanna be a soldier. I wanna make people proud. Not that they aren't now, but man would it be a cool feeling. I guess it would be kinda nice for Lindsey to be able to say "my ex is one of the bravest men I know, he is a Marine. One of the few, one of the proud. O and dont mess with me because he could beat your ass." LOL. Well after sitting here and typing all this I know I wanna do it. And I will! I hope the United States Marine Corps is ready for me!